IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:42 am February 2, 2011

‘Cold Air Mass From Canada’ Attacks America, Never Forget

by Riley Waggaman

Pussies.

  • A devious “cold air mass” from Canada floated across our unprotected border and then proceeded to drop giant snow-dumps all over our great nation yesterday, forcing most Americans to abandon their SUVs on the highway and hike to the nearest toll station, so that they could eat the tollbooth lady for nourishment. First “Bieber fever,” and now this? Thanks, Canada. This winter terrorism attacked more than a third of The United States, from Maine to Dallas, which means the Super Bowl is canceled forever. (Fingers crossed.) Anyway, all this “cold” and “snow” proves Al Gore is a lying sack of shit, again! [NYT]
  • Meanwhile, John Boehner’s new job bill or whatever will stop the Environmental Protection Agency from regulating greenhouse gases under the Clean Air Act. [AP]
  • Donald Rumsfeld will receive the “Defender of the Constitution Award” at CPAC next week, which will be held at some semen-stained hotel in our nation’s swamp capital! Your Wonkette will be reporting live from this atrocity, so hooray, stay tuned/start drinking. [Raw Story]
 
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{ 160 comments }

Beowoof February 2, 2011 at 8:44 am

Blame Canada, and their socialist health care.

LesPaultard February 2, 2011 at 9:13 am

Snow in Chicago, etc. is from the gulf. Blame the illegal messicans.

Maman February 2, 2011 at 9:24 am

How can I blame them when they just shoveled out my driveway and the snow drift on my porch?

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 9:37 am

Wait, there's snow in Chicago? What's next, rain and fog in London? Warm sunny days in southern California? Racism in Arizona and South Carolina?

Maman February 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

shocking I know… it is like it is winter or something.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:42 am

Uh, crazy Republicans in Minnesota? Crazy Republicans everywhere?

Wonders nevair cease, mon ami(e)!

LesPaultard February 2, 2011 at 10:51 am

At the risk of sounding like a certain MN pol, they haven't had much snow in Chicago recently. OTOH across that lake we're over seven feet and still counting this season.

OneDollarJuana February 2, 2011 at 10:22 am

Just as the global warming defenders are wrong about global warming (it's cold now, so global warming is clearly a liberal socialist hoax by 95% of all scientists, everywhere), you are wrong about the source of Chicago's snow. Chicago is closer to Canada than the Gulf. Canada is cold. The Gulf is usually on fire from all the leaking oil, thus is hot. Ergo cogito sum QED ars gratia artis ipso facto the snow is from Canada. Besides Messican food is hot, Canada food is lukewarm at best. I rest my case.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 10:29 am

Is this the abstract for your PhD thesis?

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:43 am

Dudette (I assume), your Latina Latin is awesome-licious!

johnnymeatworth February 2, 2011 at 10:31 am

Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse!
Should we blame the government?
Or blame society?
Or should we blame the images on TV?
No, blame Canada
Blame Canada
With all their beady little eyes
And flapping heads so full of lies
Blame Canada

LionelHutzEsq February 2, 2011 at 1:37 pm

We will never be safe until we build a wall to keep Canadian Weather in Canada where it belongs.

No Amnesty for Snow!

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 8:45 am

Yeah, it's clear here in New Mexico. Clear up to our asses in snow.
Have they yanked that hairy little rat out of their hole yet to see what's going to happen for the next six weeks, or is she still fighting with Todd over the hooker.

Terry February 2, 2011 at 9:13 am

Punxatawney Phil can't emerge from his burrow today as the opening is covered with a full inch of ice and a foot of snow.

Angry_Marmot February 2, 2011 at 9:48 am

I'm sure he'd prefer sleeping in, actually.

cheaphits February 2, 2011 at 9:21 am

I'm pretty sure she's still fighting with Todd over the hooker, you can count on that.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 2, 2011 at 9:31 am

Haha, that was very funny.

You've earned yourself a new stalker follower, Barbara_i.
~

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 10:37 am

Thanks, just leave any severed human heads at the door.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:45 am

They deliver now? I'll have two, please, in lieu of my Chicago Tribune ("Our motto: Our news hole is the size of your rat-hole.") and Gray Lady.

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I get the Albuquerque Journal and the NY Times delivered and the Times didn't arrive on Monday. My friend suggested that the plane that delivers the paper could be held up because of the snow. I really need to broaden my social cirlce a bit, eh?

deanbooth February 2, 2011 at 8:49 am

Why is it that when the Repugs take over, they start passing base-inspired bills like crazy, but when the Dems took over they just talked about what weak things they might consider voting on if the Repugs would let them?

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:45 am

You answered your own question, I think.

BerkeleyBear February 2, 2011 at 10:48 am

Actually, the House passed a whole bunch of stuff that is base fodder (card check, cap and trade, etc) but because it wasn't going to go anywhere in the Senate the media largely focused on what might (and the TP idiots, natch). But since the GOP only has the one house and the Dems don't have much of an agenda left to pass (since the Senate has no interest in doing anything), this bullshit that won't go anywhere seems to get a lot more play.

PsycWench February 2, 2011 at 8:50 am

This is Canda's way of telling us to keep William Shatner south of the border.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2011 at 9:22 am

No, Celine Dion. Bill's welcome back if he sings Rocket Man again.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:46 am

Keep. William. Shatner. South. Of. The. Border!

PsycWench February 2, 2011 at 8:52 am

..Donald Rumsfeld will receive the “Defender Defrauder of the Constitution Award”…

FIxed now.

baconzgood February 2, 2011 at 8:53 am

There are known Defender of the Constitution Awards. These are awards we know that we know are awarded. There are known unknown Defender of the Constitution Awards. That is to say, there are awards that we know we don't know are awarded. But there are also unknown unknown Defender of the Constitution Awards. These are awards we don't know we don't know are awarded.

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 9:15 am

Rumsfeld's acceptance speech should be a simple "Mu".

Limeylizzie February 2, 2011 at 8:53 am

Here in Harlem, we have had an ice storm and the streets are all shiny and slick, I will be walking down to 125th Street to go to the gym and ,as I am famously clumsy and accident prone, it may be ony a matter of time before I am face down and not in a good way.

Terry February 2, 2011 at 9:14 am

Well, windmilling your way down the sidewalk will be great aerobic exercise, at least.

catchtheflava February 2, 2011 at 9:33 am

Planet Fitness baby! Get your $20 worth! Watch for slush flooding!

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:39 am

I, too, pick things up and put them down.

Limeylizzie February 2, 2011 at 9:42 am

Yes, I love the Planet Fitness in Harlem, it is the least pretentious and most gangsta gym ever! Completely free of the upwardly mobile white folks for the most part, but full of really friendly body-builders, lovely fat ladies in skimpy ensembles and the nicest staff, who love me because I gave them a giant bottle of rum that my neighbour gave me as a gift from the Dominican Republic and I don't drink. Plus I live on 112th and Lenox so it's a mere 10 minutes away .

Oblios_Cap February 2, 2011 at 10:52 am

If I find you face down I'll roll you over when I'm done. Mama raised me to be a gentleman.

OneDollarJuana February 2, 2011 at 10:24 am

But face down is the way we love you.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 10:35 am

"Buns up and kneelin'
I was a wheelin' and a-dealin'
She surrendered to the feelin'
And she started in to squealin'."

I can't believe he's been gone 17 years. Sniff.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 2, 2011 at 10:37 am

Yeah. Sniff.
RIP
FZ

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:47 am

Careful, hon, don't want to cause a falling out in the Special Relationship.

prommie February 2, 2011 at 10:48 am

Ah, thank you for making me think of you, or really, of women, all women, in general, face-down in a good way. As Mitch Fattell explains in his act, when a man is joined with a woman in the sacred act of love, in the anterior-posterior posture known by the so-romantic name "doggie style," when a man so engaged looks down, what he feels, is what you women feel when you see a beautiful sunset. Sometimes we are moved to tears of sheer joy, at the beauty of it all.

wok3 February 2, 2011 at 8:54 am

You know this isn't the first time Canada's done this, we should build a wall. A really tall one.

Terry February 2, 2011 at 9:14 am

With a few doors so they can send us nice beer.

Moonbat February 2, 2011 at 9:43 am

That's a reasonable response, but I say we teach the Canuckistani hordes a lesson and invade. They'll never send their terrorist "cold fronts" our way again!

PsycWench February 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

Complete the danged wall!

the_onceler February 2, 2011 at 10:43 am

can we wait until summer– it's really cold out there!

glamourdammerung February 2, 2011 at 10:47 am

We could hire some illegals from Mexico to build it.

LiveToServeYa February 2, 2011 at 8:55 am

Donald Rumsfeld should be awarded the Purple Shaft with Pineapple Clusters. With extreme prejudice.

Angry_Marmot February 2, 2011 at 9:55 am

To be administered by pissed-off Iraqi orphans hopped up on Pixy Stix and Red Bull.

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 8:56 am

"Bomb Canada City" love John Bolton.

Frost/Nixon/Robocop February 2, 2011 at 8:56 am

When I was your age we had to deal with Canada giving us Alan Thicke and Alanis Morrisette, so suck on that you whippersnappers!

baconzgood February 2, 2011 at 9:09 am

Yeah!!! I hear ya. Get off our lawn!

PsycWench February 2, 2011 at 9:17 am

I can do you one better: Anne Murray! "Even though we ain't got money, I'm still so in love with ya honey"…what a commie.

Oblios_Cap February 2, 2011 at 9:20 am

Celine Dion! And she just brought 2 more little beer-swillers into the world, eh?

jim89048 February 2, 2011 at 11:59 am

Neil Young, Gordon Lightfoot, Ian Tyson, I could go on.

LesPaultard February 2, 2011 at 9:17 am

When I etc, we got Rush. Old has benefits, sometimes.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:21 am

And Moxy. And Maxx Webster. And Triumph… never mind.

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 9:25 am

And the McKenzie Brothers and "Strange Brew". I always thought that livin' like Canadians in the cold and snow would be like heaven. But now I got two soakers and Bieber's on the radio. This ain't heaven. This sucks.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 9:35 am

In ancient times, Canada gave us Shatner, which would have made for that before Shit My Dad Says started.

Angry_Marmot February 2, 2011 at 9:56 am

Oh Jeez, that hoser's growlin', eh?

the_onceler February 2, 2011 at 10:45 am

Yes, Canada has Rush, but so does America.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 9:24 am

Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or should we blame the images on TV? No! Blame Canada!

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

But bomb Iran.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:48 am

And, I think concurrently, Les Trudeaus, though she was hawt.

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I can kind of give Canada a pass for giving us Red Green, but that Bryan Adams shit was almost a deal breaker.

EatsBabyDingos February 2, 2011 at 8:56 am

Bust out another can of O-possum!

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 8:58 am

I'm sorry I almost forgot, welcome back Riley.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 9:59 am

Yes, nice to have you back, Riley.

Now we want to hear what the hell you've been up to. You could at least have called. We've been worried sick.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:49 am

He didn't write, he didn't call. Not even a postcard. Meshug!

HurricaneAli February 2, 2011 at 10:52 am

Thanks for reminding me!

Happy welcome back, Riley!

Rosie_Scenario February 2, 2011 at 8:58 am

Riley, when you are at CPAC watch out for Breitbart.

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 9:00 am

I think he's Andy's plus one.

weejee February 2, 2011 at 9:06 am

Donald Rumsfeld will receive the “Defender of the Constitution Award”

Also, you might suggest that the award should be the "Defender of the Constipated Award” for service to all those up-tight neo-cons whose knickers are so tight they haven't pooped in five years.

Rotundo_ February 2, 2011 at 9:42 am

Bolton is working on a flawless 300 carat chocolate diamond as we speak, heat+pressure+carbon. Whore diamonds have always been around, blood diamonds too, but asshole diamonds are a newer development

baconzgood February 2, 2011 at 9:01 am

My city must be the only mid-atlantic city that isn't hit by this storm. It's like a spring day today. Thanks for takin' care of your peeps Punxsutawney Phil.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

On behalf of Chicagoans, especially those of us actually in Chicago at this moment, I send hate your way. Hate, hate, hate!

baconzgood February 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

Hey! I lived in Chi town for a few years. I like your Cubs.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Not my Cubs, but thanks anyway.

weejee February 2, 2011 at 9:03 am

Riley, you should buy a Todd Palin signature model snowjobmobile using the Wonkette Corporate American Exprezz Card.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:05 am

18 degrees this morning in South Texas, but hey, it's a dry cold! Back up in the 60s by the weekend, 29 degrees north latitude FTW!!!

Boredw/Gravity February 2, 2011 at 9:44 am

We're having rolling blackouts here in Houston, just in time for rush hour traffic. But you're right, it is a dry cold! Woo hoo!

HistoriCat February 2, 2011 at 10:17 am

Just got back power here at work after 25 minutes. And before that, power was out at my house from 7:00 until at least 7:30 when I left for work.

Texas power grid – fuck yeah!

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 10:36 am

Need more money for South Texas Nuclear Project, amirite?

HistoriCat February 2, 2011 at 2:58 pm

If we can beat back those damn hippie environmentalists at least.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 10:59 am

I don't see how Texas could have problems generating power, since most of it is a desert that rarely gets clouds, making it a perfect environment for widespread use of solar panels that – oh wait, I forget they've been governed by a series of crazed wingnuts who would rather fuck over their own populace than do something liberals advocate.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

Ekshually, my good man, Texas generates 9410 MW of wind power annually, number one in the nation, with Iowa following at a distant second place with a paltry 3670 MW. But you can be sure that it's for the money, not for the environmental conscience.
We're saving West Texas (the desert which you erroneously construe the majority of the state to be made up of) for disposal of nuclear power plant waste from the rest of the lower 48, so no room for solar panels.

Oblios_Cap February 2, 2011 at 9:06 am

That Canuke-ian air has even reached down into America's Dingus™ a few times this winter, taking away one of the only reasons that anybody would want to live in this Republican-infested hellhole.

I'm sure that somehow it all goes back to NAFTA and the Clintons.

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 9:27 am

The cold air flows right down the NAFTA Highway with a bag full of golden Ameros for payin' the tolls.

Serolf_Divad February 2, 2011 at 9:08 am

Is it true that CPAC is being held in a Minneapolis-St Paul Airport mens restroom this year? Will Rumsfeld's award be given to him by sliding it under the divider between two stalls?

RunnyRose February 2, 2011 at 9:15 am

No, it'll be passed through a conveniently-located hole in the stall divider.

Oblios_Cap February 2, 2011 at 9:18 am

Giving another meaning to the term "glory hole"?

PsycWench February 2, 2011 at 9:59 am

You could argue that for many conservatives, this is how CPAC has always been held.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:53 am

And not very gently held, either. They likey the rough stuff.

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 9:08 am

No! Al Gore was right! And thanks to the tough environmental laws the Canadians adopted way back in the mid 90's their climate has been protected which is why they have so much cold air available to terrorize us with. The answer is our own sweltering piles of trash. We need to containerize the trash and then launch it on small sub-orbital rockets across the border thus forcing the Canadian climate into synchrony with our own and denying them their insidious "white death" weapon. Let the war for the Northern Concavity begin! Go USA!

Moonbat February 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

Is it the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment already?

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:10 am

Dealing with this cold, I know now that if I had been at Bastogne or Chosin or Stalingrad or Napoleon's March on Moscow, I'd have been one of the dead guys. Early on. Fuck this shit.

gurukalehuru February 2, 2011 at 9:38 am

You forgot Valley Forge. Socialist.

freakishlywrong February 2, 2011 at 9:11 am

Well, since the assholes are about to roll back clean air and water initiatives, I for one, welcome our Canadian air overlord.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:16 am

No doubt they'll be seeking shelter with you and your uncollapsed roof. I'm sure it will work out very well for them.

I've seen a snow blower. It's not like a packet of peanuts or a frisbee, how do you get one on your roof? Do you have a crane in the garage?

Monsieur_Grumpe February 2, 2011 at 9:33 am

I have trebuchet for just such emergencies.

Actually it is an electric snow blower; it weighs about 35lbs. 15 amps of snow blasting fury. For all you people out there who are considering snow blowing your roof make sure you go with the shingles, not against them. Duh.

Actually some of the snow is piled so high that I can access the roof by my home made mountains.

As for the neighbors, I will bury their bodies come spring and claim their land.
Bwahahahaha ouch.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 9:16 am

Other people got stuck with more snow yesterday? Huh, we've had a shitload of snow for the past few weeks here, but yesterday and today have just been rain; cold, really unpleasant rain, of the type that makes walking outside more uncomfortable than snow, but still just rain.

Still, nothing lasts forever; not even cold February rain.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 10:05 am

All we got down here was rain, wind, and a half-inch of tornado watch.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:54 am

Heading toward a snowmass record in Big Shoulders! Woot! Or, rather, sh*t!

el_donaldo February 2, 2011 at 9:20 am

The fact that CPAC is going to be a faint tint gayer this year might you to believe it might be more fun than before, but it probably just means thicker clouds of self-loathing and denial. But fewer attendees! So that's a plus.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 9:21 am

Since this storm hit places like Texas, where the lack of snow has lead people to build houses with bizarre flat roofs, multiple roof collapses is a real possibility.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:31 am

All the snow fell up in North Texas, which is really just South Oklahoma. It's hard to buy a mobile home that comes with a peaked roof, you know.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 2, 2011 at 9:23 am

I hope someone asks Rummy about his estimate on the cost of the Iraq war.

“My friend,” Mr. Rumsfeld replied, “if you think we’re going to spend a billion dollars of our money over there, you are sadly mistaken.”

$772,085,750.236.99 and rising so far.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:33 am

He really should be put in the stocks on the public square and cock-punched/kicked in the nuts by every single citizen of this fair land.

Serolf_Divad February 2, 2011 at 9:50 am

Wow, that stands right up there with Wolfowitz's congresional testimony about how Iraq would be paying for its own reconstruction.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 10:07 am

Sure, but Cheney was right about us being greeted as Libertarians.

Preferred Customer February 2, 2011 at 10:35 am

You misheard him. He said "Greeted as Liberals," i.e., given the same greeting that liberals are given on Fox News. Actually, he was pretty accurate with that one.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:56 am

I think he said, "Librarians." Easy mistake for an illiterate chickenhawk-bully.

starfanglednut February 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

He must have meant trillion.

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Not a problem, Citizen. The Iraqi oil revenues will pay for the entire expedition.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2011 at 9:24 am

Where I live in Canada City, we got jack shit for snow.

Thanks US America. First it was our comedians. Then it was our tomatoes. Now you're hogging our fucking snow.

MoeDeLawn February 2, 2011 at 10:50 am

When you apologize for Lorne Green, we'll start considering the other issues.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2011 at 11:05 am

I'll never apologize for Old School Adama/Paw Cartwright/AlpoMan.

Besides, he is one of the grads from my skule that I'm actually proud of.

OC_Surf_Serf February 2, 2011 at 9:25 am

…and by “Defender of the Constitution Award” they mean "Used Constitution to Wipe His Ass Award"

PS…Sunny, 71° and breezy with the Santa Ana's blowin'. Yes, Orange County, California sucks donkey huevos but it does so in 71° weather…going surfing!

PSS…To all the hosers in my hometown of Wallaceburg, Ontario, currently under a metre of snow, bbbwwwahaa ha ha ha…

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:34 am

Say "HI!" to the Pacific Trash Vortex for me!

PuckStopsHere February 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Just you wait until all of SoCal falls into the bleeping Pacific. Happy surfing then sunshine!

Clancy_Pants February 2, 2011 at 9:31 am

Time to open the Mexican border. Amnesty? Maybe. Warm air? Yes!

Oblios_Cap February 2, 2011 at 9:40 am

Treason!

HolyMaracas February 2, 2011 at 9:35 am

Well, the weather made walking the dogs fun this morning…akin to listening to Rush interview Sarah with Nickelback (Canada's hot air mass) playing in the background.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:48 am

My dogs wouldn't even go outside. Their water trough is froze solid. I just hope they don't crap on the carpet before the sun comes up and my lodger lets them out.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

And their precursor The Guess Who? If not, I've got No Time for you.

starfanglednut February 2, 2011 at 1:05 pm

no time, no time, no time, n-n-n-n-no time…

Boredw/Gravity February 2, 2011 at 9:45 am

Just exactly how do you get a "Defender of the Constitution" award while you're using it as toilet paper?

glamourdammerung February 2, 2011 at 9:47 am

They usually leave it on your porch, light it on fire, ring the doorbell, and run.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 9:48 am

Forget it, Bored; it's CPAC-town

Moonbat February 2, 2011 at 10:58 am

"We had to destroy the Constitution to save it."

metamarcisf February 2, 2011 at 9:50 am

"Donald Rumsfeld will receive the “Defender of the Constitution Award” – which is to be presented by lifetime achievement winner Chuck Barris.

PuckStopsHere February 2, 2011 at 9:55 am

Taking care of Business (every day!)
Taking care of Business (every way!)

God. Damn. They just don't write 'em like that anymore.

And to the Canada City resident who pointed out to me the other day on this very War-Blog that Guy LaFleur is from Quebec and not-France, I say, "What, exactly, is the fucking diff? A goddamn Frog is a goddamn Frog. Gordie Howe or GTFO." So there.

PublicLuxury February 2, 2011 at 10:04 am

We go to war with the defenders we have not the defenders we want.

PublicLuxury February 2, 2011 at 10:05 am

"Defender of the Constitution"

Last year they awarded it to Murbarak.

Allmighty_Manos February 2, 2011 at 10:09 am

Just checked out the CPAC speakers' list: HOT, HOT, HOT. We're talking Victoria Jackson, novelty songman Ray Stevens, Ralph Reed, Stephen Baldwin, fat Newt and his 9th wife, Pat Boone, and toe-sucking creep Dick Morris. Don't know which one I want to slug in the stomach first.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 10:17 am

Stephen Baldwin is not just a fundie, but made several movies with Pauly Shore; he deserves the punch since he was punchable even before he became a wingnut.

PuckStopsHere February 2, 2011 at 2:03 pm

All of them, Katie?

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Pat Boone is married to Newt Gingrich?

Dr_Zoidberg February 2, 2011 at 10:09 am

Wimps! It's -33 here in Laramie, WY, feels like -50, and everything is open!

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 10:11 am

Sure, it's cold, but it's a moist cold.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:58 am

a moist, blizzardy, white-out cold. Wait, Wyoming's always in white-out mode.

Dr_Zoidberg February 2, 2011 at 11:41 am

Well, not so moist (Wyoming is really dry) but the white-out is pretty much year round.

PuckStopsHere February 2, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I call bullshit. There's nothing in Laramie, WY to BE open.

Dr_Zoidberg February 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Ha! There is too…there's the University of Wyoming, and there's…uh, there's…well, hell.

Allmighty_Manos February 2, 2011 at 10:11 am

Just checked out the CPAC speakers' list: HOT, HOT, HOT. We're talking Victoria Jackson, novelty songman Ray Stevens, Ralph Reed, Stephen (the unfamous) Baldwin, fat Newt and his 9th wife, Pat Boone, and toe-sucking creep Dick Morris. Don't know which one I want to slug in the stomach first.

prommie February 2, 2011 at 10:11 am

The cold air mass is demonstrating in support of Democracy! This is an expression of solidarity for the protesters in Egypt and Jordan! The Cold Air Mass of Freedom is spreading all over the world.

lochnessmonster February 2, 2011 at 10:12 am

The SNOW is Too Damn High! The Bieber fans will be crying in their snow drifts…opening sales to day for tickets…18 inches of snow here.

hollywooddood February 2, 2011 at 10:29 am

I'm not shocked that CPAC is bestowing the award on Rumsfeld, I'm shocked that he has the balls to show up and accept it. But on second thought, no, I'm not. Never mind.

elviouslyqueer February 2, 2011 at 10:41 am

Conservative radio show host Rush Limbaugh was presented with the "Defender of the Constitution Award" at CPAC in 2009.

Well, this just totally legitimizes Rummy's award, given the fine Constitutional scholarly mien Rush commands.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 10:52 am

I can front you some sweet back-pain 'scrip if you're in the Midwest. Hydrocodone…uhhhhhh.

donner_froh February 2, 2011 at 11:05 am

Donald Rumsfeld will receive the “Defender of the Constitution Award”

John Wayne Gacy will receive the "Protector of Teen Runaways Award" (posthumously) at the same event.

Sue4466 February 2, 2011 at 11:11 am

Boehner needs the air pollution helps to keep his eyes watering tears flowing for the kids who inherit unbreathable air.

hagajim February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

Only thing Donald Rumsfeld needs is a prison sentence…CPAC=Cunt. Prick.Asshole.Club

ShaveTheWhales February 2, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Meanwhile, here in mid-Cali, we only had one moderate-sized storm in the entire month of January. Please don't hate us now; save up your emotions and you can spend the summer mocking us as we all die of thirst/go up in flames.

I blame Reagan for firing the Air-Mass Traffic Controllers back in the day.

natoslug February 2, 2011 at 2:22 pm

We're suffering up here in N. Cali. It's in the low fifties, and I'm probably going to have to put a sweater on for my lunchtime walk to the beach.

Chimp999 February 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm

A friend in Canada replied to your above post as follows:

As is usually the case, the AmeriKans got it wrong again. The winter storm that we are getting today was "born" in Texas. Do you hear Canadians complaining that the snow is coming from the U.S.? No, but then again, no one would expect the Texans to give birth to anything that wasn't the biggest and the best. They wouldn't have seen the storm coming, hell they can't even see the Mexicans crossing into Texas.

Look at all the money and lives spent looking for the invisible "weapons of mass destruction" in EyeRack. (It is pronounced Iraq.) While we are at it, it is "Mossco" not "MOSS COW"! There are no cows in Moscow. More…

Chimp999 February 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm

A friend in Canada replied to your above post as follows:

At least you don't have to look for our weapons of mass destruction, cold air masses. We send them to you on a regular basis. Sometimes, we even tell you when they are coming. After all, we love you "folks".

Our Prime Minister is in Washington this week to meet your President. Interesting that Joe Leaverman has just discovered that terrorists are crossing the border from Canada to the U.S. easier than they are crossing from Mexico to the U.S.

He now wants Canadians be required to obtain visas before entering the U.S. He should try running for Governor in Florida, Arizona, New York, Michigan, California, Texas, and any number of other states that depend on Canadian $$$$$$$$$. More…

Chimp999 February 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm

A friend in Canada replied to your above post as follows:
Instead, perhaps he should encourage the transfer of all of the money being spent in Eyerack, Afghanistan, Iran, Israel, Egypt to the real problem which is finding and eliminating the terrorists already in the U.S., Canada, Britain, France, Germany, and on and on.

Ah, screw it let's continue to strip search 85 year old ladies with prosthesis after having had a mastectomy. It is easier and employs a lot of uneducated, cheap labour under the guise of "Homeland Security".

See Chimp, I too can rant!

foog February 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Fear not, Joe Lieberman is on the case! He'll stop that terrorist arctic air in its tracks.
http://www.cbc.ca/politics/story/2011/02/01/canad

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 2:19 pm

You betcha!

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 2:43 pm

And the wingnuts are up in arms about our wind farms here in Iowa, claiming that they have an adverse effect of waterfowl migration patterns. Of course, it's OK to drain the wetlands to gain a few more acres to plant corn and soybeans in.

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