Sarah Palin is sad Sarah Palin’s Alaska is turning on her. Specifically, Sarah Palin’s Alaska’s hookers.
What is the deal with this radio show and Sarah Palin? It seems to be babysitting her younger children and finding her older deadbeat children jobs. And now it is saving her marriage or something, from this stupid thing that keeps e-mailing the world about Todd Palin’s penis massages. Two slots in the presidential candidates for these fellows, all locked up. Secretary of Drive Time and Secretary of Fart Sound Effects. [Mediaite]
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"Hey, Sarah, how's that fuckee, suckee thing workin' out for Todd?"
"What can we get for 10$?" he asked.
"All of it" she replied.
I hope some day both Todd and Sarah's story will come to a happy ending.
They should call the story, The Iceman Cometh. It's hilarious that Frosty Tits has to live with it.
I would SO watch "Sarah Palin’s Alaska’s Hookers."
Ice Road Hookers? The Deadliest Snatch? America By Twat.
Don't forget "Dirty Jobs", "Man, Woman, Wild", "Alaska: Dangerous Territory", and "Dogfights".
That certainly has won the afternoon.
New Adventures of Old Christian? The Daily Blow? Hot in Wasilla?
really? I get to say this first? "Alaskunts"
or how bout "Snowblowers"
Ice Hole Cooters.
That would be her and her daughters?
Banging for Bucks staring Sarah and Bristol, with new talent being developed as we speak.
Speaking as someone who has resided in Alaska, no, no you wouldn't. Maybe the first show. The average Alaskan hooker couldn't get laid in a leper colony.
How about the "Real IceSluts of Alaska"? Or "Meth, Snow and Whores: Sarah Palin's REAL Alaska"?
That's one too many possessive esses for my taste.
Watch out Sarah, dat hooker will cut yo' ass!
I would like to take this post to tell whatever breitbart asshole that is stalking me that I will eat your fucking babies, you pussy.
Saying that in a Don Knott's voice ala Mr Furley, is rather disturbing. But kinda funny too.
Today, vote-down troll is voting down. Despite it's best efforts, though, I still graduated from 101 to 102p today. MWAHAHAHA! Suck it, VD Troll!
Yeah that asshole is all over the place.
Thanks for letting me know that. I am now fastidiously thumbs upping all wonkeratti. But I have to be careful not to get too carried away. Once, in a passionate state of thumbupping, I gave one to a troll.
Maybe that's Todd's excuse. In a passionate state of campaign fever he didn't notice the masseuse was giving him a blow job until he did in her mouth what men always swear they will not do.
Or he in a passionate state of thumbupping during one of Snowbilly's talking point word salad speeches of hate and blood libel he just stuck his thumb in a cooter and once in there decided to stay for 2 minutes of heaven as he calls it. Meh, plausible.
Yeah, really. Fucking asshole killed my score. Why, I've never been so…
Oh, wait a minute. 'twasn't him. That was the half of Wonkette that lurves Keith Olbermann. Nevermind. Carry on.
still foogin' that p-ness I see?
Naw.
I mean, if I really cared as much about my p-score as much as I do about shooting my damned fool mouth off, I would just go to some right wing site and parrot the party line. But I regard being voted down by my fellow fractious wonketteers to be a badge of honour.
This is proof that humans are generally stupid compared to other mammals. Were we say a pack of dogs your ill-advised, badly timed trolling and subsequent slap down would be enough to send you howling to the back of the pack to lick your wounds. But no, just like Rush Limbaugh with 1950's era anti-Asian racism you double-down on the stupid by continuing your hissy fit. That -95p score didn't earn itself, I suppose so this should be expected. Unlike Meta, though, I won't give you a thumbs up for going on and harrassing Andrew Beerfart's wingnut harem because your negative score obviously doesn't come from scorned wingnuts defending their master. No you sir earned yours by being pissy and uptight and running L. Brent Bozell-esque smack….Enjoy the inevitable – score for this for this little exercise in futility as well and also.
Today, we are all stalked by breitbart's asshole.
Does this mean we need to circle-jerk ourselves, and thumb-up everyone that isn't the Droll Troll?
If so, you had me from "circle jerk."
I fist you for the thought Chickensmack.
Speaking of: still no word on Riley?
What happened to Young Riley? Ken didn't use the wonket's massive travel budget to send him to do an in-depth story on Alaska's hookers, did he? Pity. He was so young, so innocent.
Shit…judging from his relative corpulence we live around Breitbart's or maybe inside Breitbart's asshole…or am I just thinking about his lil' Aryan sidekick James O'Keefe and his partner in lying racism, Hannah Giles?
Thumbdowner also seen in McCain thread (the one about the O book), so [s]he's obviously some kind of American Greatness troll.
After that bit, I briefly changed my profile quote to something like what Mr. Tango posted here, but I'm thinking maybe that's an overreaction.
What do the thumbs up/down do anyway? Is some MOD for the site going to ban folks?
The thumbs up/down are for self of steam. 95% of Wonketters are proud of their pees.
Lovingly, unselfishly upfisting you, C-T….
Ooooh you better watch out Tango the troll's got your IP address. Fucking douchebag trolls.
"I don't pay attention to polls"
Hmmmmmm…..MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
If she paid attention to more poles, Todd wouldn't need a hooker.
Damn…you beat me to it by a nailbiter of only 8 hours…hazzah and thumbs up to you for being quicker on the snark.
I bet Todd pays attention to polls, pole dancers!
I don't pay attention to Poles, either. They are like the Texans of Europe.
You'd think that Sarah would be happy the Egyptian situation has kept the story on Todd's hooker quiet and just say nothing until people forget about it, but no, that would require Palin to stay quiet, which she is physically incapable of doing.
She said she was relieved she wasn't perhaps through some actions of those in the lamestreamedia mandation to aspire to celebrate a Palin-free February that she wouldn't be blamed for things happening in Cairo and whatnot.
I'd like her to use the Fox News cartography department to locate Cairo for us. And the Suez Canal that allows for passage of such thirsty fungible commodities that make our Exceptional Nation dependent on King Tut stability.
Yeah since she said she's responsible for the Egyptian revolt and neocons are shitting their pants about the Muslim Brotherhood currently can't we just declare her an enemy combatant (FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and ship her to some black site never to be seen and most importanly heard from again? A man can dream, a man can dream…..oh and because there's not enough exclamations after finally, here's a few more to drive my point home: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Needz moar Tracy Morgan/Jordan.
And "The Rent's too Damn High" man…
Did you hear Sarah wrap her lips around Fart-Sound's penis at the break?
What do you think, is Sarah a Spit, Paint or Swallow kind of gal?
I'm guessing she's more of a "Get your fat hooker to do that Tawd!!" kind of gal really…
She could jerk him off into a delicate china teacup, slurp it to the back of her throat and gargle it, like any real woman should, and I wouldn't be impressed with her.
I don't know whether I should be stiff or scared.
That's okay, Todd didn't know if his hooker had TB or VD. If she coughs, she's fucked either way.
That's Secretary Fart-Sound to you.
Ugh. I'd pay for a meth-whore too if I were him…
Other than family, you mean?
Glass-Half-Full Sarah: "Those hookers are really reducing my 'workload,' if ya know what I mean."
Glass-Half-Empty Sarah: "Those hookers are getting paid with MY money!"
Nothing gives a story cred like responding to it.
She is incapable of remaining silent on anything. She must have the last word.
Also to a D-list radio show too. This is the station she promised to reveal her intentions to run for President if she were so inclined.
Huh? "This is a station whose thoughtful programming, intelligent announcers, and thorough, unbiased political coverage make it a worthy venue for announcing a campaign for the Presidency of the United States. And for responding to unsavory hooker stories about my husband in the National Enquirer, also, too."
You just can't resist strutting your stupid, can you, Sarah?
Maybe during the campaign, she overheard Steve whats'it telling someone that someone named Carrie didn't respond to negative shit fast enough and lost a contest, or something. She heard the smart guys say that they'll jump on any bad stuff being said about Walnuts or the Snowbilly so what she took from that is that the smart people say not to ignore this shit. Or something. She wasn't really clear on the details, but figured to go on the attack anyway because, you know, she can get some attention.
And she's never gotten that "Friday afternoon of a holiday weekend" thing right either.
There's no such thing as bad publicity………. Uh yeah, there is.
Wait until it turns out that Todd was performing an act of charity. How else was the hooker supposed to pay for her meth habit. That lady is just pulling herself up by her bootstraps like any real American would do.
I think the right phrase here would be "pulling herself up by her bra straps," and I think it's a canard Sarah Herself would approve.
Well paying the meth whore allows her to buy meth from Levi's mom and she probably has Levi in the family business now that she is in prison and all and thus,that is supporting that son of bitch who ratted out Sarah for being a big asshole grifter.
Trickle double down.
She was pulling herself up, alright. I'm just not sure if it assisted by bootstraps, necessarily.
This would have been the GREATEST episode of "Sarah Palin's Alaska… no, the greatest episode of TV EVER. Thanks, you thoughtless assholes at TLC.
Just watch Nailin' Paylin instead.
I was thinking more along the lines of all of Jerry Springer's greatest brawls, the WWF and Jersey Shore rolled up in one.
…geez, she is about 2 psi short of being an air head!
They need a annoyance filter on her voice.
But what noise would be left… oh, I see.
Hh I can hear the air pressure escaping from her ear hole, sounding like tiny little farts until Sarah looks as if she had a run in with a head shrinker.
For a second there, I thought you were suggesting that Sarah might have the sense to seek psychiatric help for her stunning array of personality disorders.
Then I got it! Thumbs up for the delightful picture.
There's not enough inductance and capacitance in the universe for that low-pass.
Eureka! A no pass filter.
Or go big time and call Charlie Sheen.
Time for a quick review:
Dissing article as typical poorly-sourced National Enquirer bullshit = check
Playing the victim, especially the poor, put-upon hometown victim = check
Laughing about the allegations = check
Saying that she and Todd are "blessed as all get out" = check
Conclusion: this story isn't just merely true, it's really sincerely truly true.
Funny how the right wing is quick to denounce the Enquirer here, while back before it was proven they were very angry that the mainstream media wasn't covering their report on the Edwards affair. Different standards for different private citizens who don't matter at all but once ran for VP.
Oh, I don't think Edwards didn't matter, at the time. When the Enquirer broke the story, it was March '08, Edwards was still running, & floating directing his support to Obama or Clinton, depending on whom would promise him the VP slot.
The only thing missing from her admission was the hooker with the spooge still in her cleavage.
I think it's perfectly clear that by addressing this "issue" on a D-list radio show, Sarah is starting to get REALLY desperate for attention. Sister Bachmann is quickly rising to the top of the Teatard food chain while Sarah's rapid decline continues. She will soon realize that her be$t days are behind her. Good Riddance.
BLOOD LIBEL!
(that's one is for you troll)
I don't know, but I've been told, Sarah's pussy is mighty cold. (Sorry…watched Full Metal Jacket this weekend)
Maybe Sarah needs to go down south and find her some of that too beau coup Alabama black snake.
Don't get between a dog and his meat.
'member the after-battle scene when some pimp brings a hooker out on the back of his motorcycle to service our boys in green? That's probably how they do it in the oil/fish camps were Todd spends much of his time.
Today, all fish are oil/fish.
Sarah totally backs Todd because she is an optimist and believes in happy endings.
Don't you mean that Sarah totally backdoors Todd because he's totally into pegging.
Only if she is getting paid. And Todd can't afford her anymore.
Sarah totally backs Todd because the double header didn't work in the front.
What's Todd's Pole Number?
ONE !
Hold up now!
"the First Dude had somehow become entangled with a woman of the night who masqueraded as a massage therapist for the Palin campaign" (from the Mediaite article)
So who else on the Palin campaign was getting "massages"? Sarah – it's OK, you can tell us the truth. She was your little love muffin before Todd got in the way, wasn't she?
Hold on. Tawd schtupping hookers aside; did those blowjobs really ask her why her poll numbers are so bad in Alaska?
Do they remember she was Governor? And that she also quit? Either one or both of those things could explain bad poll numbers..
Man, I thought you were making "snoring noise" until I got to the very end. Nice twist ending!!
I wonder if Todd made the hookers do any fancy pageant walking for him.
A strange threesome: Sarah, a hooker (or a different hooker) and Tracy Morgan watching while pulling his dick.
All righty then! I guess I'll look into convent life since I won't be wanting sex for an extended period of time, now that I have that lovely image in my mind making my brain throw up!
Because politicians and thier spouses ALWAYS answer honestly about the sex scandals they are embroiled in, duh!
"Hey Sarah does your husband pork the whore before or after the Cleveland Steamer?"
"Todd likes the sex before. You-betcha"
All of them, Katie!
After listening to that audio piece I am now a true believer. Sarah Palin is one classy lady. Stay classy my friend.
Oh, ya know, there's some stuff happenin' in Egyptia and such, also too, but I just wanted ya to know that Todd did not have a rub 'n tug with taxpayers's monies. Such as. I want to make sure that we are talkin' and digesteratin' about unrefutalist important issues of our day as it were.
That was really good. For your sake, I hope it was difficult to do.
We don't know enough about the lives of Alaska's meth whores. I sure hope this one is working on a reality series of her own right this very minute. It has everything, comedy, tragedy, humiliation and redemption. Well, we'll have to work on that redemption part. I'm sure we can create a story line where Bristol shows the meth whore how to regain her virtue with the help of god, a good publicist and some television cameras.
Bristol teaches the meth whores how to dance. Has the makings of a Lifetime movie.
Brought to you by Candies ®. Product placement, bitches.
The redemption part is when she redeems her TV set at the pawn shop.
If only Sarah had agreed with Greta's suggestion for a Fairbanks Three-Way, she'd have kept Todd out of trouble, Greta's skin would clear up, and Sarah wouldn't have to face the tough questions from the journalists on Morning Zoo Radio. Everyone gets a happy ending! Except for Todd; the thought of Sarah and Greta going north-south while Todd's jerkin' with the Jergens probably shriveled the old wank.
I never knew "heres the deal though" could be pronounced "here's the dildo". Check it out at 0:29.
…I heard it too, honestly thought that was some auditory hallucination induced by my alcohol withdraw!!!
Ditto. I was a little surprised that no one else heard it. Jon Stewart really needs to do a piece with that clip…
Should she get elected president( god forbid), here's the dildo will replace hail to the chief.
Sorry, dude. I posted a similar reaction before noticing you'd beaten me to the punch. That was exactly what I thought she said.
She said "deal though"? It made more sense as "dildo"; i.e. no sexytime for Todd in her frozen tundra as long she can pal around with her portable tumescence.
You know it was kind of cool on Fargo, with her it just pisses me off.
Then she showed it. Lucky for us it was radio.
I believe that is a strap on and Todd knows where it goes.
You betcha! That bitch is getting wild now!
Hey, Tawd if you're not fuckin' hookers it must a gurlfriend or a boy-toy. Tell the truf Tawd 'cause we know you don't lie. W.T. F. Tawd.
Isn't it true that sometimes just saying nothing is the best course???
If anybody can "say nothing" it her. Even though she can't seem to stop her self from speaking.
And that aggressively denying rumors like this is often evidence that there's something to them (see Tom Cruise's frequent denials of being gay, for example).
The problem with Sarah is that if she stopped talking, her brain would work, and she would realize all the dumb stuff she is saying. That would undoubtedly lead to suicidal thoughts. So there is not a chance she will shut up.
(With thanks to Douglas Adams).
Bartender get that man a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.
If you wave a twenty in her face, you can't get her to shut up.
This is WhatTheHeck for Discovery Channel here. Now if we are quiet and just inch along out of sight and downwind, then we can observe the Alaska hooker working its habitat. The male displays a wad of green cash money as an inticement to get the female hooked. As soon as the female sees the green, she squawks, in eager anticipation, “Wanna date?” and the copulation is complete.
You just gotta hand it to these Alaskan hookers because the have to share the land with Grizzley mamma bears. And that ain't easy.
- with apologies to BalderFlagass
…insert perverted "plugging her leak" joke {HERE}!!!
That' would be a pretty big plug!
Pud Libel!!
I guess her MILF cred doesn't extend to her hubby.
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." Shrub
..or sumthin.
Says something about her fans that they think she's MILF. Maybe that they ought to get out more, see some other women.
“Todd and I and our kids know that we’re extremely blessed,”
Lopped off the quote was "… to have Amerkuns dumb nuff to pay primo-dinero to hear me screech."
Todd is obviously out looking for snow nookie but not from SnowSnooki.
The down fister is loose again. Show yourself coward.
Bristol has a lot of free time since her sex week was cancelled.
She's a hard ass fister!
You know what relaxes me when this happens? Going to BigGovernment.com and down-fisting all the comments on their blog posts. You have to scroll down past the news items, as those are all links to other sites.
Yea, but that would mean having to go to BigGovernment in the first place. And, well, eww.
You don't have to actually read anything, just disapprove. It's like the Baptist great books program.
Brilliant. You deserve this reply. Simple thumbs upping will not sufficiently improve your pee points.
Like the Piraha language and basically no others on earth, The Winglish dialect does not include the transitive property, ability for recursive thinking, basic analogy, etc.
They can speak only of things that are present, and these things are either MuslinSocialism or ReaganJesus.
Michele Bachman was looking at Todd during that speech thingie!
Todd just wanted to find a woman willing to dress up as Tina Fey for him; is that so wrong? Tina Fey's sexy.
Jesus Christ, why must she defend, defend, defend? If she really wants to be presidential, shouldn't she just do like Bush did and ramrod his stupid straight down everyone's throat?
Otherwise, she treats every single event (the Bristol Hoe-tel, Trigg turds, Discovery Channel) with clammy alacrity, and calls a goddamned press conference.
Honey, if you haven't noticed, you lost the election and quit a gummit job. Stay out of the home studio, and shut the fuck up.
This is just viral marketing for the new Owen Wilson-Jason Sudeikis joint Hall Pass: Good for One Week Free from Marriage.
"my heart is there in Alaska" I bet they keep it in a lovely curio cabinet until Satan gets legal possession of it.
At least Todd gets his Alaskan Snapper locally!
Todd explained it all to her, he was buying the hookers for her, the big lug! Thanks for ruining her surprise anniversary gift, lamestream media!
If they would have just asked Todd if he's been hanging out with hookers:
"Todd, have you been hanging out with hookers?"
"No".
"Ok, case closed."
"Greg honey, is it supposed to be this soft?" – Babs
"Zero point zero".
Todd is just tired of his MILF. Cruising Anchorage for hookers.
Greta is going to cry any minute now. Will not be able to bite own lips..ain't got none.
Only if they are menstruating.
I'm surprised that Sarah hasn't gone with the truth defense: "Todd might be hanging with hookers, but Bristol and I are still the biggest whores Alaska has ever produced."
Sarah chooses this medium to appear to make herself available to the public without having to speak with the public because it makes her appear more Presidential.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJdZr4rByrw
That they are D-list drive-time jocks with SarahBristolWillowPiper quality humor and intelligence only makes them fil like they are at the dinner table and can let their bumpit's down.
Enough with Egypt and furners, Back to me me me me!!!!!
"Here's the dildo"?!?
Exactly.
Now that 67% of North American voters have a negative opinion about her, maybe she could go to Egypt and proclaim herself Cleopatra II, in the new Government. The first Cleopatra reputedly was fluent in 11 languages. This one makes up her own version of English. After 30 years of rule by a thug, the Egyptian people deserve a truly refreshing change.
You, sir, have a bright future with the State Department.
Cleo was refuted to be a mad felatrix, also too.
I like when said if everyone would "just speak the truth". That should shut her up for a while.
It's better than her encouraging H8er's to assault her pudgy offspring with cutlery at the Safari Club event:
"Remember that weird guy in Wisconsin was so angry, so upset, watching a Palin win slot after slot each week on Dancing with the Stars that he shot Bristol through his TV? He blasted his Panasonic? Well, I’m thinking, ‘Imagine more gun control. Then he’d have to attack his Panasonic with a butter knife.’”
I read that, and still don't get it. Is she suggesting that it would be too bad if people were limited to butter knives when attacking her daughter?
Todd the booty hunter?
Every Tuesday at 9 on A&E.
You mean T&A?
That's the way it went. He asked her about being hated in Alaska and she did the old "take for example..". She was also shocked that nobody called her or Todd to confirm the story.
Now say you're Sawry.
Glenn Beck was forced to replace Sarah Palin with Michele Bachmann.
But only for the good of Likud.
She really did say it! "Here's the dildo!" Thanks to everyone who mentioned exactly where to hear it so I only had to listen to 3 seconds of her bark-stripping voice.
Where did she get it? Did Tawd bring it home as a souvenir? Did she go and yank it away from the hooker?
Doesn't she make Larry Craig look like a classy gent?
Maybe but have you read this http://wonkette.com/314897/exclusive-i-had-sex-wi...
Now all we need is a ten year, multimillion dollar tax payer funded investigation into who or what Twad has been putting his dick into.
Issa that what will happen though?
I wuz gonna guess Trig, but I wouldn't put molesting little Trisomy-G past any of this bunch. After all, they did name him after his disability.
Didn't listen because, well, not interested. So…………..when's the Wonkette going to really kick the habit?
I'm guessing Jesus told her to appear on the show. It would be great if she recorded the King of King's thoughts, but I feel we can trust her.
I love you for that comment.
Boob libel?
I love this quote: “Heck, somebody all they needed to do was to ask him ‘Hey, Todd, have you been hanging out with hookers in Anchorage?”
This is why you're in triple digits.
No kiddin', at the 28 second mark, Sarah says: "here's the dildo.." and she ends the radio interview with "WTF". You can't make this stuff up.
At about :30, she honset-to-God said, "Here's the dildo." I know she was trying to say, "Here's the deal, though," but she said "here's the dildo". What a pervo.
Ok kiddos, here's the story: Shailey Tripp is actually the mom of Tripp Tripp, or as some of you may know as 'Tripp Palin', making Todd-o the daddy and the daddy's daddy. And Levi? Well Bristol had to have SOME sexual company while locked in the Palin basement for 9 months pretending to be preggers.
If Sarah announces she is pregnant and "delivers" the baby in an isolated Alaskan cabin and the baby looks just like the lady in the ad for The Happy Ending Massage and Therapy Spa in Anchorage, then the story would be perfect.
That's not off-topic at all. If it weren't for that transitive Todd wouldn't have gone all gerund on that hooker's subjunctive.
So, how much is an "Eskimo Kiss" going for in Wasilia, these days?
Mama Grizzly's head swings from side to side surveying her barrel shaped tormentors. Hookers, closing in now, must defend mate, closing in now. Hookers!
Desperate, she grabs the microphone, "Here's the dildo".
Certain attractive friends of mine from downtown Anchorage named Tiffani, Candi Apples, Chocolate, Amber, Sunshine, Barbi and Foxy Babi, have other specific things to say about this Todd Palin matter.
What if Sarah Palin was actually the one paying for hookers? Tracy Morgan might get a heart attack if that's true!!!
There is a ban on Sarah Palin over at Care2. Thank God for Wonkette. God bless America's hooker's and dildo's. Poor little Tripp, it's like some terrible Futurist SciFi story by Charles Dickens just found in an upstate attic.
The weird part is, I heard the hooker has to put a can of Alpo under each arm and bark like a dog to get him off. Now that's just not right!
if there is a God, the entire palin clan (jerr-y! jerr-y!! jerr-ry!!!!) will die in prison.
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