but will they also let her sell her crazy pills?

Sharron Angle Running For President of Makeup

'Lather yourself up with gun powder, ladies!'
What would Harry Reid be doing right now if he hadn’t miraculously come back to win Senate re-election? Well, this is apparently what the second-place finisher is supposed to do: “An evening of glamour with special guest Sharron Angle.” Ah, the makeup convention. “Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!” A feminist call to action.

She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily…so can you!

You know, Sharron Angle, you can just become a lobbyist or something. Consulting? Think tank? Write a book? Actually, we take that back. This is more respectable than any of those things.

Please be our guest… you will be glad you did!

* Girlfriend time
* Chat with Sharron
* Learn some new make-up tips & techniques
* Find out about an amazing revolutionaryskin care line (guaranteed to take 55% of your fine lines and wrinkles away in 8 weeks!) NO kidding!
* Free gift for all who attend
Sounds fun, right? I think so too!
See you there!

Yeah, still more respectable.

Did you know that so many celebrities use SeneGence that they are too numerous to list, but here are a few…
* Christina Augilera
* Kandee Johnson
(makeup artist to the stars)
* Kansas City Chief Cheerleaders
* NewYork Rockettes
* Cast of Friends (when on TV)
* Loretta Swit
* The Real Housewives of Orange County

Barely. Barely more respectable. [Political Wire]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
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  1. Oblios_Cap

    "Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!”

    Those weren't her worst problems; there isn't enough fish in the world to help overcome her brain cell deficit and intelligence challenges.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    Well if there's one subject Sharron Angle is an expert on, it's makeup. Her approach is to makeup her own facts, makeup her own history, makeup her own Constitution…

          1. SayItWithWookies

            Fine — you deal with the crying and the blood and the six phone calls a day asking if you're sure the condom worked. I'll gladly take second.

  3. baconzgood

    Did you ever worry that you looked more Asian that Latino? Now you don't have to worry with Sharron's NEW makeup tips during Girlfriend Time.

    FYI: the "free gift" is deportation.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    I know that when I think of hot chicks, my mind immediately leaps to Loretta Swit and Sharron Angle.

  5. BlueStateLibel

    How about this advice: don't spend hours baking yourself in the desert sun so that you look like a fried lizard and get the skin cancer.

      1. Negropolis

        Is "crocodiling" what you do when you phone up your grandma to thank her (deceptively) for the (horrible) Christmas gift she sent you?

        SeneGence may work wonders, but it can't do miracles. Jan Brewer has more and deeper cracks in her face than the Grand Canyon that mars her state.

  6. baconzgood

    Photographer: Jeri Taylor-Swade strike a pose for me!

    Jeri Taylor-Swade: (after striking that pose) That's the one I want. I look great. Put it on the brochure.

  7. SmutBoffin

    Seminar topics include:

    "Get the smell of gun powder out of your hair in three easy steps"
    "What to wear at a post-massacre press conference."
    "The handgun safety lock is not a good accessory."

  8. Eve8Apples

    Sharron – If you want to appear more attractive to men, I recommend a muzzle and a paper bag.

  9. aguacatero

    If we don't feel we got our money's worth from this event, will Second Amendment remedies be available?

  10. PsycWench

    SeneGence is very close to senescence. I suppose it's witty but awkward, like deMENtia, the beauty product to help you attract men who don't remember the names of their families.

  11. Barbara_i

    Oddly enough, none of the other men have said, "bathe her and bring her to me!" Her make up tips must not be working.

  12. Come here a minute

    Harry Reid's beauty secrets for surviving 14-16 hour days on a winning campaign? Ivory soap, Head & Shoulders shampoo, and work 18 hours.

  13. PublicLuxury

    teh palin will be pissed off! teh angle is honing in on teh disposable incomes of the republitards.

  14. hagajim

    Sharron Angle make-up tip: Hope the entire audience is completely blind!! Doesn't matter how much spackle I put on my face, it is still hideously grotesque. So just hope you are making a campaign appearance with the local braille society.

    1. transfatz

      You know you're in trouble when your cosmetologist also specializes in collision repair. "Looks like we're going to need a couple of aftermarket quarter-panels on that one".

  15. emmelemm

    Can't really get a good snark on this one, but: numerous appearances daily? Wasn't part of her problem that she refused to make appearances, talk to reporters, so on and so forth?

    Anyway, carry on.

  16. Chet Kincaid

    SeneGence is the division of InGen that cranks out these crazy teabag ladies on Isla Nutbar, using a mosquito that bit Carrie Nation and got trapped in amber.

  17. SorosBot

    Angle giving "beauty" tips makes sense in the right-wing world where Bristol Palin can give advice on avoiding teen pregnancy; next we'll have Christine O'Donnel's guide to pubic hygiene.

  18. DashboardBuddha

    Wait 'til the attendees find out that Sharron bathes in the blood of virgin Girlscouts. That could put a crimp in sales.

    1. Beowoof

      I was thinking Bic for the Beaver ads. You know a portable razor for the moments when you need to thin the forest.

  19. Barrelhse

    You are more kind than I am, as my proposal would have been to set her face on fire and put it out with a shovel.

  20. Redhead

    Such conflicting emotions. I hate that she's only reinforcing to Repugnicants that they can dictate what women should do, what they can do, while all they can offer is a pretty face.

    But at the same time, if this is all she's gonna do – if she's not gonna say anything more than this or appear in public in any capacity other than this – then I really wish Palin, Bachmann and O'Donnell would do this and only this too.

  21. alaninthecastro

    (i)"Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!”(/i)

    Wait a minute. She overcame them?

  22. Negropolis

    She looks like she's been hit in the face by a wok, but what's really a turnoff is her middle school haircut.

Comments are closed.