but will they also let her sell her crazy pills?

Sharron Angle Running For President of Makeup

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

'Lather yourself up with gun powder, ladies!'
What would Harry Reid be doing right now if he hadn’t miraculously come back to win Senate re-election? Well, this is apparently what the second-place finisher is supposed to do: “An evening of glamour with special guest Sharron Angle.” Ah, the makeup convention. “Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!” A feminist call to action.

She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily…so can you!

You know, Sharron Angle, you can just become a lobbyist or something. Consulting? Think tank? Write a book? Actually, we take that back. This is more respectable than any of those things.

Please be our guest… you will be glad you did!

* Girlfriend time
* Chat with Sharron
* Learn some new make-up tips & techniques
* Find out about an amazing revolutionaryskin care line (guaranteed to take 55% of your fine lines and wrinkles away in 8 weeks!) NO kidding!
* Free gift for all who attend
Sounds fun, right? I think so too!
See you there!

Yeah, still more respectable.

Did you know that so many celebrities use SeneGence that they are too numerous to list, but here are a few…
* Christina Augilera
* Kandee Johnson
(makeup artist to the stars)
* Kansas City Chief Cheerleaders
* NewYork Rockettes
* Cast of Friends (when on TV)
* Loretta Swit
* The Real Housewives of Orange County

Barely. Barely more respectable. [Political Wire]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BklynIlluminati

    So she is endorsing plaster of Paris?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      spackle

      • mog253

        Skimming is the hard part, but it pays off in a smooth unmoving surface. Then you can sand!

      • somn

        shellack

    • Negropolis

      You all are killing me.

  • FNMA

    We're not talking whore diamonds. More like whore cubic zirconias.

    • ladyface

      Depends on how what package of "girlfriend time" you're looking for

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    No amount of makeup will hide that amount of crazy!

    • http://wonkette.com/ sweetcommunist

      Or the ugliness of her ignorance.

    • Negropolis

      In fact, it only accentuates the crazy.

  • user-of-owls

    She didn't seem to have much of a problem making stuff up, did she?

  • Oblios_Cap

    "Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!”

    Those weren't her worst problems; there isn't enough fish in the world to help overcome her brain cell deficit and intelligence challenges.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well if there's one subject Sharron Angle is an expert on, it's makeup. Her approach is to makeup her own facts, makeup her own history, makeup her own Constitution…

    • mog253

      Win!

    • user-of-owls
      • SayItWithWookies

        Hey, being first isn't everything — just ask Thorfinn Karlsefni.

        • user-of-owls

          No, it's not "everything." But it IS a lot tighter.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Fine — you deal with the crying and the blood and the six phone calls a day asking if you're sure the condom worked. I'll gladly take second.

  • baconzgood

    Did you ever worry that you looked more Asian that Latino? Now you don't have to worry with Sharron's NEW makeup tips during Girlfriend Time.

    FYI: the "free gift" is deportation.

  • GunTotingProgressive

    This was a highly informative piece. I had no idea Loretta Swit was still alive.

  • spinozasgod

    That list of "celebrities" is supposed to be an incentive to use their
    products? Seriously?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'd say she lost the battle.

  • Hera Sent Me

    Lipstick on a pig, lipstick on a pitbull, etc.

    This one is too easy.

    • LesBontemps

      Easy? Just try getting lipstick on a bartered chicken.

      • Negropolis

        I hear chicken lips are the hardest to paint.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I know that when I think of hot chicks, my mind immediately leaps to Loretta Swit and Sharron Angle.

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      Me too. I say to myself, "Look at the relative lack of fine lines and wrinkles that were there only eight weeks ago!"

  • DashboardBuddha

    how she overcame succumbed to them! Fixed.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Don't miss the Blackface/Minstrel break out group.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    From what I understand, Marlo Thomas and Meredith Baxter-Birney use that stuff also.

    • Barrelhse

      Jan Brewer, also.

  • MinAgain

    You can put lipstick on a whacko, but it's still a whacko.

    • user-of-owls

      *harumph*

      Just can't resist the retard jokes, can you?

      • MinAgain

        Dude, are you following me?

        • user-of-owls

          Just goofin' around amigo!

  • http://wonkette.com/ sweetcommunist

    For Sharron Angle, only the finest of white lead foundations will do.

    • Buckminster

      Ooh! Why not arsenic? That'll make you nice and pasty white–before it offs you.

      • http://wonkette.com/ sweetcommunist

        Why not both?

    • Negropolis

      That's right, tart that looney bitch up like an Elizabethan era courtisan.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    "sharing her beauty and makeup challenges"

    No challenge has ever been lost by a great margin.

  • BlueStateLibel

    How about this advice: don't spend hours baking yourself in the desert sun so that you look like a fried lizard and get the skin cancer.

  • chascates

    Az Gov Jan Brewer desperately needs her help!

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      The SeneGence system works wonders even on faces with extensive crocodiling!

      • Negropolis

        Is "crocodiling" what you do when you phone up your grandma to thank her (deceptively) for the (horrible) Christmas gift she sent you?

        SeneGence may work wonders, but it can't do miracles. Jan Brewer has more and deeper cracks in her face than the Grand Canyon that mars her state.

  • Buckminster

    Is Sene Gence made with 2nd Amendment solutions?

    • http://wonkette.com/ sweetcommunist

      They do claim it is revolutionary…

      • Negropolis

        I also hear that you apply it with a shotgun…

  • baconzgood

    Photographer: Jeri Taylor-Swade strike a pose for me!

    Jeri Taylor-Swade: (after striking that pose) That's the one I want. I look great. Put it on the brochure.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    She overcame them? Fuck, who knew?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You should have seen the "before" picture. On second thought, best not.

  • http://www.fifthinternational.org/content/education-programme 4TheTurnstiles

    Dear Sharron,
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17QClkojnAw

    and your ugly sister too.

    yours,
    4ts

  • __kth__

    Because, in the wild, mother grizzlies wear paint and powder to protect their young.

  • SmutBoffin

    Seminar topics include:

    "Get the smell of gun powder out of your hair in three easy steps"
    "What to wear at a post-massacre press conference."
    "The handgun safety lock is not a good accessory."

  • DaSandman

    Pit bulls pluck their eyebrows?

  • EdFlintstone

    So it's the makeup that makes 'em batshit then?

  • Eve8Apples

    Sharron – If you want to appear more attractive to men, I recommend a muzzle and a paper bag.

  • Tundra Grifter

    In other news, Joan Rivers is going to run for Senator in Nevada.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Her face resembles a boxing glove.

  • aguacatero

    If we don't feel we got our money's worth from this event, will Second Amendment remedies be available?

  • PsycWench

    SeneGence is very close to senescence. I suppose it's witty but awkward, like deMENtia, the beauty product to help you attract men who don't remember the names of their families.

  • widestanceroman

    Just like the founding father's–a spring-loaded coon trap of 'reclaimed' slave teeth!

  • PsycWench

    Is it a coincidence that she's wearing "bangs"? Long bangs?

    • EdFlintstone

      The bangs hide the lobotomy scars.

    • Negropolis

      That woman has had long bangs in years. Hell, when was the last time she had even short bangs?

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    "All right, Mr. Ailes, I'm ready for my close-up."

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    For a brief moment, I thought Obtuse Angle was the Joker.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    SenesCence?

    • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      Artfully done, sir! You win a future!

      (ha ha just kidding THERE IS NO FUTURE)

  • Barbara_i

    Oddly enough, none of the other men have said, "bathe her and bring her to me!" Her make up tips must not be working.

  • widestanceroman

    Needs more concealer–cuz we can still see her.

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    Ru only shares those with his sisters Ron and Rand.

  • jim89048

    If that is all it took, Sue Lowden would be our new Senator.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Just when and where the fuck did she overcome her frumpy genes?

  • JimmyCarlBlack

    "Girlfriend time"? I didn't think Craigslist accepted this kind of ad anymore.

  • genxr

    Fine, I'll get my cold cream gun.

  • Not_So_Much

    I presume the bulk of this discussion falls into the "Challenges" category?

  • Come here a minute

    Harry Reid's beauty secrets for surviving 14-16 hour days on a winning campaign? Ivory soap, Head & Shoulders shampoo, and work 18 hours.

  • undeterredbyreality

    Heeelllooooo, WWiilllbburrr… Neeeiiigh!

  • Oblios_Cap

    So- the cast of "Friends" won't be caught wearing this stuff when they're not on TV?

  • PublicLuxury

    teh palin will be pissed off! teh angle is honing in on teh disposable incomes of the republitards.

  • Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    I think her makeup makes her look a little more Asian to me.

    Remember that one? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/18/sharron-… Good times.

  • hagajim

    Sharron Angle make-up tip: Hope the entire audience is completely blind!! Doesn't matter how much spackle I put on my face, it is still hideously grotesque. So just hope you are making a campaign appearance with the local braille society.

    • transfatz

      You know you're in trouble when your cosmetologist also specializes in collision repair. "Looks like we're going to need a couple of aftermarket quarter-panels on that one".

  • SaintRond

    Lipstick on a Gorgon.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Screw the makeup, Sharron! Make lemonade. Ugly, wrinkled, wild-eyed lemonade.

  • emmelemm

    Can't really get a good snark on this one, but: numerous appearances daily? Wasn't part of her problem that she refused to make appearances, talk to reporters, so on and so forth?

    Anyway, carry on.

  • GOPCrusher

    Yes.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    "Beauty and makeup challenges?" That's an understatement.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    SeneGence is the division of InGen that cranks out these crazy teabag ladies on Isla Nutbar, using a mosquito that bit Carrie Nation and got trapped in amber.

    • Negropolis

      Nerd!

  • SorosBot

    Angle giving "beauty" tips makes sense in the right-wing world where Bristol Palin can give advice on avoiding teen pregnancy; next we'll have Christine O'Donnel's guide to pubic hygiene.

    • Beowoof

      I can see her doing Viva for the Beva ads.

    • Negropolis

      Christine O'Donnell: Come for the surf-and-turf; stay for the crabs.

  • DashboardBuddha

    !

  • DashboardBuddha

    Wait 'til the attendees find out that Sharron bathes in the blood of virgin Girlscouts. That could put a crimp in sales.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Definitely more sow's ear than silk purse!

  • mavenmaven

    Loretta Swit!

  • OneDollarJuana

    Oh yeah? Come here and prove it!

    • Beowoof

      Beat me to it.

  • GregComlish

    Next Week: Sharon Angle's Vagazzling Secrets

    • Beowoof

      Does it involve a cucumber and Crisco.

  • jus_wonderin

    That photo? Did someone knock her down on the asphalt?

  • OldRedneck

    What's next??? Christine O'Donnell sharing the secrets of how to fly on a broom???

    • Beowoof

      I was thinking Bic for the Beaver ads. You know a portable razor for the moments when you need to thin the forest.

  • Barrelhse

    You are more kind than I am, as my proposal would have been to set her face on fire and put it out with a shovel.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Why are the Houston Rocket's cheerleaders called the, "NewYork Rockettes?"

  • Jukesgrrl

    I know I always make the TOUCHDOWN! signal when I complete my make-up.

  • Beowoof

    Earl Schieb is a fucking miracle worker.

  • Redhead

    Such conflicting emotions. I hate that she's only reinforcing to Repugnicants that they can dictate what women should do, what they can do, while all they can offer is a pretty face.

    But at the same time, if this is all she's gonna do – if she's not gonna say anything more than this or appear in public in any capacity other than this – then I really wish Palin, Bachmann and O'Donnell would do this and only this too.

  • alaninthecastro

    (i)"Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!”(/i)

    Wait a minute. She overcame them?

  • http://wonkette.com PresBeeblebrox

    Looked into the company. It's basically a makeup MLM, the white trash version of Mary Kay. Super!

  • transfatz

    "amazing revolutionaryskin care line"

    Arpaio McCain bukake?

  • Negropolis

    She looks like she's been hit in the face by a wok, but what's really a turnoff is her middle school haircut.