Sharron Angle Running For President of Makeup

by Jack Stuef

'Lather yourself up with gun powder, ladies!'
What would Harry Reid be doing right now if he hadn’t miraculously come back to win Senate re-election? Well, this is apparently what the second-place finisher is supposed to do: “An evening of glamour with special guest Sharron Angle.” Ah, the makeup convention. “Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!” A feminist call to action.

She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily…so can you!

You know, Sharron Angle, you can just become a lobbyist or something. Consulting? Think tank? Write a book? Actually, we take that back. This is more respectable than any of those things.

Please be our guest… you will be glad you did!

* Girlfriend time
* Chat with Sharron
* Learn some new make-up tips & techniques
* Find out about an amazing revolutionaryskin care line (guaranteed to take 55% of your fine lines and wrinkles away in 8 weeks!) NO kidding!
* Free gift for all who attend
Sounds fun, right? I think so too!
See you there!

Yeah, still more respectable.

Did you know that so many celebrities use SeneGence that they are too numerous to list, but here are a few…
* Christina Augilera
* Kandee Johnson
(makeup artist to the stars)
* Kansas City Chief Cheerleaders
* NewYork Rockettes
* Cast of Friends (when on TV)
* Loretta Swit
* The Real Housewives of Orange County

Barely. Barely more respectable. [Political Wire]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 115 comments }

BklynIlluminati January 31, 2011 at 1:08 pm

So she is endorsing plaster of Paris?

Maman January 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

spackle

mog253 January 31, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Skimming is the hard part, but it pays off in a smooth unmoving surface. Then you can sand!

somn January 31, 2011 at 2:41 pm

shellack

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:38 am

You all are killing me.

FNMA January 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

We're not talking whore diamonds. More like whore cubic zirconias.

ladyface January 31, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Depends on how what package of "girlfriend time" you're looking for

ManchuCandidate January 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

No amount of makeup will hide that amount of crazy!

sweetcommunist January 31, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Or the ugliness of her ignorance.

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:39 am

In fact, it only accentuates the crazy.

user-of-owls January 31, 2011 at 1:11 pm

She didn't seem to have much of a problem making stuff up, did she?

Oblios_Cap January 31, 2011 at 1:11 pm

"Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!”

Those weren't her worst problems; there isn't enough fish in the world to help overcome her brain cell deficit and intelligence challenges.

SayItWithWookies January 31, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Well if there's one subject Sharron Angle is an expert on, it's makeup. Her approach is to makeup her own facts, makeup her own history, makeup her own Constitution…

mog253 January 31, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Win!

user-of-owls January 31, 2011 at 1:22 pm
SayItWithWookies January 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Hey, being first isn't everything — just ask Thorfinn Karlsefni.

user-of-owls January 31, 2011 at 1:35 pm

No, it's not "everything." But it IS a lot tighter.

SayItWithWookies January 31, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Fine — you deal with the crying and the blood and the six phone calls a day asking if you're sure the condom worked. I'll gladly take second.

baconzgood January 31, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Did you ever worry that you looked more Asian that Latino? Now you don't have to worry with Sharron's NEW makeup tips during Girlfriend Time.

FYI: the "free gift" is deportation.

GunTotingProgressive January 31, 2011 at 1:13 pm

This was a highly informative piece. I had no idea Loretta Swit was still alive.

spinozasgod January 31, 2011 at 1:13 pm

That list of "celebrities" is supposed to be an incentive to use their
products? Seriously?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 31, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I'd say she lost the battle.

Hera Sent Me January 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Lipstick on a pig, lipstick on a pitbull, etc.

This one is too easy.

LesBontemps January 31, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Easy? Just try getting lipstick on a bartered chicken.

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:40 am

I hear chicken lips are the hardest to paint.

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

I know that when I think of hot chicks, my mind immediately leaps to Loretta Swit and Sharron Angle.

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 31, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Me too. I say to myself, "Look at the relative lack of fine lines and wrinkles that were there only eight weeks ago!"

DashboardBuddha January 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

how she overcame succumbed to them! Fixed.

Buzz Feedback January 31, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Don't miss the Blackface/Minstrel break out group.

DerrickWildcat January 31, 2011 at 1:16 pm

From what I understand, Marlo Thomas and Meredith Baxter-Birney use that stuff also.

Barrelhse January 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Jan Brewer, also.

MinAgain January 31, 2011 at 1:16 pm

You can put lipstick on a whacko, but it's still a whacko.

user-of-owls January 31, 2011 at 1:24 pm

*harumph*

Just can't resist the retard jokes, can you?

MinAgain January 31, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Dude, are you following me?

user-of-owls January 31, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Just goofin' around amigo!

sweetcommunist January 31, 2011 at 1:16 pm

For Sharron Angle, only the finest of white lead foundations will do.

Buckminster January 31, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Ooh! Why not arsenic? That'll make you nice and pasty white–before it offs you.

sweetcommunist January 31, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Why not both?

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:42 am

That's right, tart that looney bitch up like an Elizabethan era courtisan.

donner_froh January 31, 2011 at 1:17 pm

"sharing her beauty and makeup challenges"

No challenge has ever been lost by a great margin.

BlueStateLibel January 31, 2011 at 1:17 pm

How about this advice: don't spend hours baking yourself in the desert sun so that you look like a fried lizard and get the skin cancer.

chascates January 31, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Az Gov Jan Brewer desperately needs her help!

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm

The SeneGence system works wonders even on faces with extensive crocodiling!

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:44 am

Is "crocodiling" what you do when you phone up your grandma to thank her (deceptively) for the (horrible) Christmas gift she sent you?

SeneGence may work wonders, but it can't do miracles. Jan Brewer has more and deeper cracks in her face than the Grand Canyon that mars her state.

Buckminster January 31, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Is Sene Gence made with 2nd Amendment solutions?

sweetcommunist January 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

They do claim it is revolutionary…

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:45 am

I also hear that you apply it with a shotgun…

baconzgood January 31, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Photographer: Jeri Taylor-Swade strike a pose for me!

Jeri Taylor-Swade: (after striking that pose) That's the one I want. I look great. Put it on the brochure.

Native_of_SL_UT January 31, 2011 at 1:25 pm

She overcame them? Fuck, who knew?

BaldarTFlagass January 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm

You should have seen the "before" picture. On second thought, best not.

4TheTurnstiles January 31, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Dear Sharron,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17QClkojnAw

and your ugly sister too.

yours,
4ts

__kth__ January 31, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Because, in the wild, mother grizzlies wear paint and powder to protect their young.

SmutBoffin January 31, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Seminar topics include:

"Get the smell of gun powder out of your hair in three easy steps"
"What to wear at a post-massacre press conference."
"The handgun safety lock is not a good accessory."

DaSandman January 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Pit bulls pluck their eyebrows?

EdFlintstone January 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

So it's the makeup that makes 'em batshit then?

Eve8Apples January 31, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Sharron – If you want to appear more attractive to men, I recommend a muzzle and a paper bag.

Tundra Grifter January 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm

In other news, Joan Rivers is going to run for Senator in Nevada.

Chet Kincaid January 31, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Her face resembles a boxing glove.

aguacatero January 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm

If we don't feel we got our money's worth from this event, will Second Amendment remedies be available?

PsycWench January 31, 2011 at 1:32 pm

SeneGence is very close to senescence. I suppose it's witty but awkward, like deMENtia, the beauty product to help you attract men who don't remember the names of their families.

widestanceroman January 31, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Just like the founding father's–a spring-loaded coon trap of 'reclaimed' slave teeth!

PsycWench January 31, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Is it a coincidence that she's wearing "bangs"? Long bangs?

EdFlintstone January 31, 2011 at 3:45 pm

The bangs hide the lobotomy scars.

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:51 am

That woman has had long bangs in years. Hell, when was the last time she had even short bangs?

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] January 31, 2011 at 1:34 pm

"All right, Mr. Ailes, I'm ready for my close-up."

ManchuCandidate January 31, 2011 at 1:35 pm

For a brief moment, I thought Obtuse Angle was the Joker.

Chet Kincaid January 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm

SenesCence?

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] January 31, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Artfully done, sir! You win a future!

(ha ha just kidding THERE IS NO FUTURE)

Barbara_i January 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Oddly enough, none of the other men have said, "bathe her and bring her to me!" Her make up tips must not be working.

widestanceroman January 31, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Needs more concealer–cuz we can still see her.

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 31, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Ru only shares those with his sisters Ron and Rand.

jim89048 January 31, 2011 at 1:44 pm

If that is all it took, Sue Lowden would be our new Senator.

NorthStarSpanx January 31, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Just when and where the fuck did she overcome her frumpy genes?

JimmyCarlBlack January 31, 2011 at 1:49 pm

"Girlfriend time"? I didn't think Craigslist accepted this kind of ad anymore.

genxr January 31, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Fine, I'll get my cold cream gun.

Not_So_Much January 31, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I presume the bulk of this discussion falls into the "Challenges" category?

Come here a minute January 31, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Harry Reid's beauty secrets for surviving 14-16 hour days on a winning campaign? Ivory soap, Head & Shoulders shampoo, and work 18 hours.

undeterredbyreality January 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Heeelllooooo, WWiilllbburrr… Neeeiiigh!

Oblios_Cap January 31, 2011 at 1:58 pm

So- the cast of "Friends" won't be caught wearing this stuff when they're not on TV?

PublicLuxury January 31, 2011 at 1:59 pm

teh palin will be pissed off! teh angle is honing in on teh disposable incomes of the republitards.

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr January 31, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I think her makeup makes her look a little more Asian to me.

Remember that one? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/18/sharron-… Good times.

hagajim January 31, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Sharron Angle make-up tip: Hope the entire audience is completely blind!! Doesn't matter how much spackle I put on my face, it is still hideously grotesque. So just hope you are making a campaign appearance with the local braille society.

transfatz February 1, 2011 at 12:51 am

You know you're in trouble when your cosmetologist also specializes in collision repair. "Looks like we're going to need a couple of aftermarket quarter-panels on that one".

SaintRond January 31, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Lipstick on a Gorgon.

Chet Kincaid January 31, 2011 at 2:55 pm
OneDollarJuana January 31, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Kinda like the picture of Dorian Gray, except the painting still looks fabulous!

Wilcoxyz January 31, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Screw the makeup, Sharron! Make lemonade. Ugly, wrinkled, wild-eyed lemonade.

emmelemm January 31, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Can't really get a good snark on this one, but: numerous appearances daily? Wasn't part of her problem that she refused to make appearances, talk to reporters, so on and so forth?

Anyway, carry on.

GOPCrusher January 31, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Yes.

Rosie_Scenario January 31, 2011 at 2:18 pm

"Beauty and makeup challenges?" That's an understatement.

Chet Kincaid January 31, 2011 at 2:21 pm

SeneGence is the division of InGen that cranks out these crazy teabag ladies on Isla Nutbar, using a mosquito that bit Carrie Nation and got trapped in amber.

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:54 am

Nerd!

SorosBot January 31, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Angle giving "beauty" tips makes sense in the right-wing world where Bristol Palin can give advice on avoiding teen pregnancy; next we'll have Christine O'Donnel's guide to pubic hygiene.

Beowoof January 31, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I can see her doing Viva for the Beva ads.

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:55 am

Christine O'Donnell: Come for the surf-and-turf; stay for the crabs.

DashboardBuddha January 31, 2011 at 2:29 pm

!

DashboardBuddha January 31, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Wait 'til the attendees find out that Sharron bathes in the blood of virgin Girlscouts. That could put a crimp in sales.

Chet Kincaid January 31, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Definitely more sow's ear than silk purse!

mavenmaven January 31, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Loretta Swit!

OneDollarJuana January 31, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Oh yeah? Come here and prove it!

Beowoof January 31, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Beat me to it.

GregComlish January 31, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Next Week: Sharon Angle's Vagazzling Secrets

Beowoof January 31, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Does it involve a cucumber and Crisco.

jus_wonderin January 31, 2011 at 3:26 pm

That photo? Did someone knock her down on the asphalt?

OldRedneck January 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm

What's next??? Christine O'Donnell sharing the secrets of how to fly on a broom???

Beowoof January 31, 2011 at 7:44 pm

I was thinking Bic for the Beaver ads. You know a portable razor for the moments when you need to thin the forest.

Barrelhse January 31, 2011 at 4:04 pm

You are more kind than I am, as my proposal would have been to set her face on fire and put it out with a shovel.

DerrickWildcat January 31, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Why are the Houston Rocket's cheerleaders called the, "NewYork Rockettes?"

Jukesgrrl January 31, 2011 at 5:57 pm

I know I always make the TOUCHDOWN! signal when I complete my make-up.

Beowoof January 31, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Earl Schieb is a fucking miracle worker.

Redhead January 31, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Such conflicting emotions. I hate that she's only reinforcing to Repugnicants that they can dictate what women should do, what they can do, while all they can offer is a pretty face.

But at the same time, if this is all she's gonna do – if she's not gonna say anything more than this or appear in public in any capacity other than this – then I really wish Palin, Bachmann and O'Donnell would do this and only this too.

alaninthecastro February 1, 2011 at 12:15 am

(i)"Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!”(/i)

Wait a minute. She overcame them?

PresBeeblebrox February 1, 2011 at 12:34 am

Looked into the company. It's basically a makeup MLM, the white trash version of Mary Kay. Super!

transfatz February 1, 2011 at 12:44 am

"amazing revolutionaryskin care line"

Arpaio McCain bukake?

Negropolis February 1, 2011 at 1:48 am

She looks like she's been hit in the face by a wok, but what's really a turnoff is her middle school haircut.

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