- The president recited some old Reagan speech for the State of the Union. It was very well received, especially by the salmon-American population.
- Blind prophet Michele Bachmann spoke in tongues for six-and-a-half whole minutes following Obama’s Reagan speech, gazing into the very essence of the iChat.
- An errant olive-pit awakened Dennis Kucinich’s litigious tendencies.
- Unemployed curmudgeon Keith Olbermann was encouraged to take his unfocused rage-pageant to Capitol Hill.
- The star of Fat Bitch and Honky Grandma Be Trippin’ revealed Sarah Palin’s fleshy carapace to be an erotic object of the highest order.
The tea party fought back against those tyrannical Taiwanese animators with a brand new web series of hott virtual news reports.
- Meth-gay and reality-teevee star Ted Haggard revealed he would gobble the pole and the hole, if only he were young.