TRACY MORGAN IS SO GROSS  1:15 pm January 28, 2011

Tracy Morgan Likes To Masturbate To Sarah Palin

by Ken Layne


Here you go, Wonkette Community: Here is a sports video of teevee’s Tracy Morgan saying that gross old snowbilly grandma Sarah Palin is “good masturbation material.” [EW via Monsieur Grumpe]

 
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{ 139 comments }

Tengu January 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm

He's right about the glasses, I usually rub one out to Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

HolyMaracas January 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

That's because in Sarah's case, there are actually cum shields, not glasses.

horsedreamer_1 January 28, 2011 at 2:12 pm

She's Lisa Loeb?

(Oh, & you know whose womb-cannon blasts Lisa was dodging? First, Duncan Shiek (suspiciously Muslin?); next, Dweezil Zappa. (Nitemare fuel?))

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] January 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Hey, where the white women at?

horsedreamer_1 January 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

To avenge Todd stepping out on her with an ugly massage therapist, Sarah will "go rogue black". Then, to stoke her Tea Party base, she will "go back" (to Todd). (Ain't nothing a black can do that good ol' boy Todd can't do, she'll be saying.)

CZL January 28, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Except for steal the presidency.

user-of-owls January 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I fear Mr. Morgan will no longer be able to post on Red State.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] January 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Are you kidding? Masturbating over Sarah Palin is practically all they do there.

ManchuCandidate January 28, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Yes, but they prefer their "invisdible" hand to be grasping white penis. Not black penis..

teebob2000 January 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm

…except in their personal lives.

AKbum January 28, 2011 at 1:52 pm

But never in an airport bathroom. While wearing a dress.

GOPCrusher January 28, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Agreed. This revelation only proves that Tracy Morgan is a Tea Bagger.

DerrickWildcat January 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Now is Tracy Morgan slightly retarded? Don't get me wrong, I think he's funny, but 2 seconds after I laugh at something he says, I get this unexplainable feeling of guilt.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] January 28, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Get rid of the part where you laugh and that's exactly how I feel about Carlos Mencia.

Weenus299 January 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm

OK. This explains a lot. Got bad feelings about laughing at both. Is there some kind of comedy welfare out there for comics who aren't funny?

SayItWithWookies January 28, 2011 at 2:17 pm

You mean besides Two and a Half Men and Leno?

trampndirtdown January 28, 2011 at 10:09 pm

They were trying to be funny?

LetUsBray January 28, 2011 at 10:05 pm

They could go wingnut and be set for life, like Dennis Miller and the boozer who shits out Mallard Fillmore.

LionelHutzEsq January 28, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Carlos Mencia: The Trig of the Comedy World.

SorosBot January 28, 2011 at 2:35 pm

He's a bit on the crazy side.

lochnessmonster January 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Got to say the guy is not afraid to speak his mind…it is so wrong but most of what he says is what everyone is thinking.

donner_froh January 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

So that is how you get Charles Barkley to shut up for a few seconds.

LionelHutzEsq January 28, 2011 at 2:43 pm

That or put $500 on red.

BaldarTFlagass January 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

"…But Tina is the one you wanna take home and fuck."

bumfug January 28, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Tina's the one you wouldn't feel compelled to scrub yourself head to toe with a wire brush if you woke up next to her.

UW8316154 January 29, 2011 at 12:43 am

I'd buy Tina's breakfast.

MistaEko January 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

S'Turrible.

HolyMaracas January 28, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Tracy is just another black guy having a "WTF moment."

ManchuCandidate January 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm

White Tight Fuck?

natoslug January 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

White, maybe, but unless there was major reconstructive surgery, tight left town decades ago.

HolyMaracas January 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm

"White Titty Fuck" then?

natoslug January 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Between time, gravity, Todd and the twelve (eight? fifteen?) or so children that she breast-fed, those poor bags likely brush her cankles when freed from the bra. So yeah, that'll work.

nounverb911 January 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Obviously Morgan has never seen CongressMILF Noem.

SorosBot January 28, 2011 at 1:22 pm

He wants to take her out behind the middle school and get her pregnant.

court5346 January 28, 2011 at 3:30 pm

and then have dr. spaceman perform the abortion

metamarcisf January 28, 2011 at 1:22 pm

The American Family Association is already organizizing a boycott of the NBA. That'll make 'em sit up and take notice!

SorosBot January 28, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I thought most of the conservatives already don't watch basketball, preferring hockey and NASCAR with their all-white players.

chickensmack January 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I hate basketball, but I'll attend a game if they do.

Callyson January 28, 2011 at 3:12 pm

In that case, now I'll actually have to follow the NBA

ManchuCandidate January 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Stupid questions should get crazy responses. Or maybe Morgan was confused with Nalin Palin's Lisa Ann and not Palin.

I happen to like women with glasses… Bailey Quarters fetish, I guess… but to answer the question, Fey.

JustPixelz January 28, 2011 at 2:01 pm

WOW! Bailey Quarters! The MaryAnn to Loni Anderson's Ginger. Oh the lost, unborn humanity!

Weenus299 January 28, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Mmmmm. That Jan Smithers ass. Do you know pre WKRP she was on the cover of Newsweek? She was a teenager on the back of a motorcycle, looking back at the camera, and it was a story about today's (circa early 1970s) youth.

ttommyunger January 28, 2011 at 9:52 pm

It's true. Hot chicks; Hell, yeah you want to bone them. Hot chicks with glasses, you want to bone them and then talk to them for a couple of hours…

mog253 January 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Thanks for ruining my beautiful lunch —– ewwwwwwwwwww.

Fox n Fiends January 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Well that video just destoys my false beliefs about black men.

Fox n Fiends January 28, 2011 at 1:27 pm

mmmm Charles & Sarah gettin' it on. that's delicious.

Terry January 28, 2011 at 1:27 pm

He didn't say anything that several of the male Wonketters haven't been saying since Palin first appeared on that magazine cover, well before McCain picked her for his running mate.

MissTaken January 28, 2011 at 1:30 pm

She wasn't the first (and maybe only?) recipient of the GILF title for nothing!

SorosBot January 28, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Some of the male Wonketters; some of us have taste and find her repulsive.

CalamityJames January 28, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I gotta agree. Sure, on an aesthetic level, she was, at one time, attractive. But the second that cunt opens her mouth, all I can see is a slightly more retarded Glenn Beck. Picturing my grandmother with a mouthful of man-meat gets me more aroused than the thought of this terrorist.

Lascauxcaveman January 28, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Yes, some male Wonketeers used to say "I'd hit that." I plead guilty, your honor, with extenuating circumstances. This was back in 2006(?) and the only pix available of her were actually reasonably hot looking.

So much water (filthy, vile, polluted) has passed under the bridge since then, it's hard to remember the way things were.

Beowoof January 28, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Sarah is doable, but only doggie style. That way you don't have to look at her and when you're done and you're on your feet so you can jump in your drawers and run before she gets the chance to talk.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Tracy is the gay one right?

LionelHutzEsq January 28, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I thought that was the Governor of Louisiana, but I get my 30 Rock cast members confused.

freakishlywrong January 28, 2011 at 1:31 pm

This, along with a thousand other reasons, make me rejoice I don't have one of those things dangling between my legs. Amirite, ladies?

Barbara_i January 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Amen!

CalamityJames January 28, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Hell, it makes me regret having one, as insignificant as it is.

Chet Kincaid January 28, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Every day reveals more women hiding in plain sight on Wonkette!

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] January 28, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I know. Who let all these unchaperoned women on the internet? Shouldn't they be in the kitchen giving birth?

Gleem_McShineys January 28, 2011 at 3:00 pm

I don't have one of those things dangling between my legs

You mean a Tracy Morgan? Or a Sarah Palin?

karen January 28, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Word up, sister.

M_Grumpe-Penis January 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Having two brains has its advantages and disadvantages. Mostly not as demonstrated by Tracy Morgan.

problemwithcaring January 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I agree, though I am ashamed to admit that I find the Wonkette "dangling" themed threads the most entertaining.

UW8316154 January 29, 2011 at 12:47 am

Word.

YasserArraFeck January 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm

If excessive fapping really does make you blind*, then at least you wouldn't have to look at the nasty bitch any more. Then you'd only have to push the pencils in your ears to escape the harpy screech.

* at least that what Fr. McNally told me, although that selfless Man of God did offer to "take on the blindness" himself if I'd let him…….ah, never mind.

DerrickWildcat January 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm

This would have never happened in the White Basketball League!
Well I guess it's possible that it could happen, but only 12 people would have seen it happen.

GuanoFaucet January 28, 2011 at 1:36 pm

"Good masturbation material"

I didn't know Tracy mainlined meth.

mourningnmerica January 28, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I have to agree with Tracy. Just thinking about her is giving me wood. If I had some meth, I would masturbate now.
The answer to the question, though is Tina Fey. That photo shoot that Esquire did was positively smokin'.

Hera Sent Me January 28, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I masturbate to Tracey Morgan masturbating to Sarah Palin. It seems a quintessential 21st Century kink. I like to be depeche mode.

Even though they're a 1980s band.

Oblios_Cap January 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Tracy – No she isn't. Go get your eyes checked.

weejee January 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Tracy Morgan just laid a Cleveland steamer right at center court.

Gleem_McShineys January 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Alaska Punch?

edgydrifter January 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

On Palin > To Palin

BeWoot January 28, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Personally, I've moved on from Sarah. My degeneracy is a fickle thing.

Gopherit January 28, 2011 at 1:41 pm

sorry Tracy, but every time I play marry, fuck, kill with palin as the choice, she always ends up with the k.

johnnymeatworth January 28, 2011 at 1:42 pm

They better hire him to replace Olbermann quick!

baconzgood January 28, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Well when you go blind you don't HAVE to see her anymore.

LetUsBray January 28, 2011 at 10:12 pm

Going deaf would better.

widestanceroman January 28, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Morgan also recommends PineSol as lube.

DashboardBuddha January 28, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Does that make one feel he is in a fucking pine forest?

ingloriousbytch January 28, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Tracy Morgan's dick is apparently even more idiotic than John Mayer's.

trondant January 28, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Hey now, that's no way to talk about the FunCooker.

Extemporanus January 28, 2011 at 1:49 pm

"Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five."

Crank_Tango January 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Fat neck girl, let me count your neck rings!

jus_wonderin January 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm

I think they come 8 to a package.

AKbum January 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm

At your death panel they give you a poster of Queen Palin so you can masturbate one more time before becoming Soylent Green.

OldWiseWizard January 28, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I expect black guys to have weird taste in white chicks but it's usually expressed toward Meg Whitman sized ladies.

Gomez571 January 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm

This reminded me that I recently visited Emmett Till's grave site. Isn't it wonderful how far we have come since the sixties.

trampndirtdown January 28, 2011 at 10:27 pm

I'm not so sure that most Teajadists wouldn't want to lynch Mr. Morgan had they been aware of his existence or quote.

hagajim January 28, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Tracy Morgan masturbates to the Sears catalog as well.

Lascauxcaveman January 28, 2011 at 7:25 pm

& Veterinary Monthly.

Gorillionaire January 28, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Tracy, for a hundred grand, you could just fuck her.

GOPCrusher January 28, 2011 at 4:12 pm

For 120 Grrr, you could probably get a Sarah/Brisket three way.

chicken_thief January 28, 2011 at 4:18 pm

But if you're running short of cash, for $20K Batshit Crazy Bachmann will don some specs and play Mama Grizz II….

ttommyunger January 28, 2011 at 9:54 pm

But then you would actually have to associate with her in a real and personal way; not doable while trying to maintain a boner to climax.

JustPixelz January 28, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I guess SP has a future in a "Grannies Who LIke It In the Fanny" direct-to-TLC video.

DashboardBuddha January 28, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Sweet jumpin' Jesus…I looked that up. And while, after a brief horrified search, I didn't find any actual octogenarian anal action, there is a frightfully disturbing amount of granny porn sites. W.T.F people…really?

Crank_Tango January 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Well, in fairness to Tracy, I have heard that a ragged old tube sock is also good masturbation material.

prommie January 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm

A national "splooge on Palin" day, on which day, millions of men across the great nation of ours, will splooge on her in effigy, this would be a fun and pleasurable way of expressing our disregard, wouldn't it? Beat it, Sarah Day? Yank Sarah Day? Rub Out Palin Day?

genxr January 28, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Rub Out With Votes!

DashboardBuddha January 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Let's make it a yearly thing and call it the Palin Bukkake Invitational

chicken_thief January 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And Tawd could snowmachine race across the spooge lake!

OurHoboSenator January 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Sabotage? But that's what I do to myself!

OneYieldRegular January 28, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Needs way, way less meth.

SorosBot January 28, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Dr. Spaceman must have given Tracy the wrong pills again, like that time he was on Conan.

PublicLuxury January 28, 2011 at 2:38 pm

This is the proof. Men would fuck anything. I think Tracy would get more pleasure if he raised his standards by opening a window, sticking his dick out and fucking the world.

No sceechy voice in the morning after being blind drunk.

Gleem_McShineys January 28, 2011 at 3:11 pm

by opening a window, sticking his dick out and fucking the world.

Wait, that's 'fucking the world'?? I always thought it started with 'stopping Florida recounts'

jus_wonderin January 28, 2011 at 3:53 pm

You had me in suspense there. I thought the scene would end with slamming the window down…hard.

SenileAgitation January 28, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Tracy should be congratulated for his humanitarian thought! Everyone has a purpose, everyone is good for something. Still, Tina Fey. And Charles now has to be haunted with visions of bending SP over.

Chet Kincaid January 28, 2011 at 2:46 pm

I wouldn't fuck her with Ted Haggard's meth!

LionelHutzEsq January 28, 2011 at 2:50 pm

The scarier thing is that now Palin will be calling out Tracy's name when she is in bed with Todd.

BklynIlluminati January 28, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Tracy Morgan is my hero.

proudgrampa January 28, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I hate to admit this, but I could do Palin. If she would just keep her trap shut.

jus_wonderin January 28, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Which trap?

proudgrampa January 28, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Ya know, it just occurred to me that if she has vagina dentata, I might not want to do her, after all…

ChessieNefercat January 28, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Good luck with that.

Weenus299 January 28, 2011 at 3:22 pm
jus_wonderin January 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Oh, my heart. Jan, give me back my heart!!

Gunner Asch January 28, 2011 at 7:31 pm

I remember having palpitations to that pic at the time. I didn't know her later role at WKRP. In the same "ah, the chicks sure were hot then" vein I just rewatched A Clockwork Orange and fell in love (or something similar) with the blonde chick Malcom McDowell picks up in the record store all over again. http://nighthawknews.wordpress.com/2010/11/21/the

undeterredbyreality February 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

For some reason, I didn't get back to this until now–but thanks for that! She was indeed a hottie.

karen January 28, 2011 at 3:32 pm

The funniest part was the white guy's reaction over on the left. He looked like he was ready to be beaten to death by the management for letting the negroes get out of hand.

littlebigdaddy January 28, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Wonder what Sarah thinks about a very urban guy masturbating to her? Maybe it gets Todd hawt. She could have a post-political career in milf and black porno.

keepem_sikanpor January 28, 2011 at 4:44 pm

I wouldn't even fist fuck her with Megyn Kelly's hand.

problemwithcaring January 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Masturbation material? Is he calling Sarah Palin spunk?

ChessieNefercat January 28, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Why, why, why, why, why? Could some of you straight guys explain why she is considered sexy or attractive? I am a straight female but can certainly see why men would see any number of women attractive that I can think of, but Sarah?

She seems to veer between cold as ice, to just not interested, to actively not liking men or anyone else for that matter. She seems to give off a "sex is ucky" vibe.

Never mind the whole stupid as a bag of hammers, self-absorbed, bitchy as all get out, etc.

natoslug January 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Some days it comes down to the old Andrew Dice Clay line . . . two tits, a hole and a heartbeat.

Basically we have very low standards to start with, and depending on our desperation level (varies by the second, if I'm a normal guy), those standards are more of a guideline than a law. And while I admit to the occasional "I'd hit it" comment several years ago, there is no way, no matter how many beers or lonely nights, that I would in fact "hit it." Unless we're talking about using a 2×4.

snoopyfan2010 January 31, 2011 at 7:41 am

My guess is that Tracy's comments was not meant as a compliment. A back handed insult at best but definitely not a compliment.

OneTrueLiberal January 28, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Franklin and I do so love colorful Negro comedians.

This "Tracy Morgan" fellow is almost as good as Amos & Andy on the RCA wireless machine that Franklin has in the Oval Office.

Some things never change, do they? All TrueLiberals find humor in our Ethiopian friends.

Cordially,

Eleanor

seppdecker January 28, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Tracy, shhhhh! You're giving away the secret of Palin's political appeal.

ttommyunger January 28, 2011 at 9:59 pm

I think a lot of weird shit, but saying on a hot mike?

aqua_buddha January 28, 2011 at 10:03 pm

Verbatim, Sean Hannity, two minutes ago, quote :

" …the shots this woman has taken, the incoming …."

Well, then.

Maybe Sean has had a little too much face time with SP lately … and feels spent.

Negropolis January 30, 2011 at 12:10 am

Tracy is hilariously inappropriate, a constant stream of consciouness that sometimes produces nuggets of wisdom or kernels of truth. His comedic genius is keeping one guessing whether he's slightly off or just playing a part. To this very day I don't actually know.

sqeptiq January 30, 2011 at 5:41 am

Shows how teevee-aware I am. I had a vague notion that Tracy Morgan was some trashy chick.

HolyMaracas January 28, 2011 at 1:55 pm

You are forgetting about that one rumor about Sarah. I think at this point we can all agree on "White Thrash Fuck", can't we?.

ChessieNefercat January 28, 2011 at 7:26 pm

Breast-fed? As in caring, loving, intimate, bonding with your offspring? Sarah? Just, no. The pregnancies alone would accomplish the cankle-brushing. No need to attribute maternal instincts to that moral-less skank.

LionelHutzEsq January 28, 2011 at 2:44 pm

"Who to Fuck"?

ttommyunger January 28, 2011 at 9:57 pm

If by funny you mean fucked in the head.

natoslug January 29, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Welcome back, Neilist! I assume you are the one true Neilist and not an impostor. And yes, because I laugh at funny people (or even painfully embarrassing people), I give you an upthumb.

Angry_Marmot January 29, 2011 at 6:05 am

Wildly Terrific Fapping.

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