Here you go, Wonkette Community: Here is a sports video of teevee’s Tracy Morgan saying that gross old snowbilly grandma Sarah Palin is “good masturbation material.” [EW via Monsieur Grumpe]

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  • Tengu

    He's right about the glasses, I usually rub one out to Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

    • HolyMaracas

      That's because in Sarah's case, there are actually cum shields, not glasses.

      • horsedreamer_1

        She's Lisa Loeb?

        (Oh, & you know whose womb-cannon blasts Lisa was dodging? First, Duncan Shiek (suspiciously Muslin?); next, Dweezil Zappa. (Nitemare fuel?))

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    Hey, where the white women at?

  • horsedreamer_1

    To avenge Todd stepping out on her with an ugly massage therapist, Sarah will "go rogue black". Then, to stoke her Tea Party base, she will "go back" (to Todd). (Ain't nothing a black can do that good ol' boy Todd can't do, she'll be saying.)

    • CZL

      Except for steal the presidency.

  • user-of-owls

    I fear Mr. Morgan will no longer be able to post on Red State.

  • Now is Tracy Morgan slightly retarded? Don't get me wrong, I think he's funny, but 2 seconds after I laugh at something he says, I get this unexplainable feeling of guilt.

    • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      Get rid of the part where you laugh and that's exactly how I feel about Carlos Mencia.

      • Weenus299

        OK. This explains a lot. Got bad feelings about laughing at both. Is there some kind of comedy welfare out there for comics who aren't funny?

        • SayItWithWookies

          You mean besides Two and a Half Men and Leno?

        • LetUsBray

          They could go wingnut and be set for life, like Dennis Miller and the boozer who shits out Mallard Fillmore.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Carlos Mencia: The Trig of the Comedy World.

    • SorosBot

      He's a bit on the crazy side.

    • lochnessmonster

      Got to say the guy is not afraid to speak his mind…it is so wrong but most of what he says is what everyone is thinking.

  • So that is how you get Charles Barkley to shut up for a few seconds.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      That or put $500 on red.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "…But Tina is the one you wanna take home and fuck."

    • bumfug

      Tina's the one you wouldn't feel compelled to scrub yourself head to toe with a wire brush if you woke up next to her.

    • UW8316154

      I'd buy Tina's breakfast.

  • MistaEko


  • HolyMaracas

    Tracy is just another black guy having a "WTF moment."

    • White Tight Fuck?

      • natoslug

        White, maybe, but unless there was major reconstructive surgery, tight left town decades ago.

        • HolyMaracas

          "White Titty Fuck" then?

          • natoslug

            Between time, gravity, Todd and the twelve (eight? fifteen?) or so children that she breast-fed, those poor bags likely brush her cankles when freed from the bra. So yeah, that'll work.

          • HolyMaracas

            You are forgetting about that one rumor about Sarah. I think at this point we can all agree on "White Thrash Fuck", can't we?.

          • LionelHutzEsq

            "Who to Fuck"?

          • Wildly Terrific Fapping.

          • ChessieNefercat

            Breast-fed? As in caring, loving, intimate, bonding with your offspring? Sarah? Just, no. The pregnancies alone would accomplish the cankle-brushing. No need to attribute maternal instincts to that moral-less skank.

  • nounverb911

    Obviously Morgan has never seen CongressMILF Noem.

  • SorosBot

    He wants to take her out behind the middle school and get her pregnant.

    • court5346

      and then have dr. spaceman perform the abortion

  • metamarcisf

    The American Family Association is already organizizing a boycott of the NBA. That'll make 'em sit up and take notice!

    • SorosBot

      I thought most of the conservatives already don't watch basketball, preferring hockey and NASCAR with their all-white players.

    • chickensmack

      I hate basketball, but I'll attend a game if they do.

    • Callyson

      In that case, now I'll actually have to follow the NBA

  • Stupid questions should get crazy responses. Or maybe Morgan was confused with Nalin Palin's Lisa Ann and not Palin.

    I happen to like women with glasses… Bailey Quarters fetish, I guess… but to answer the question, Fey.

    • JustPixelz

      WOW! Bailey Quarters! The MaryAnn to Loni Anderson's Ginger. Oh the lost, unborn humanity!

    • Weenus299

      Mmmmm. That Jan Smithers ass. Do you know pre WKRP she was on the cover of Newsweek? She was a teenager on the back of a motorcycle, looking back at the camera, and it was a story about today's (circa early 1970s) youth.

    • ttommyunger

      It's true. Hot chicks; Hell, yeah you want to bone them. Hot chicks with glasses, you want to bone them and then talk to them for a couple of hours…

  • mog253

    Thanks for ruining my beautiful lunch —– ewwwwwwwwwww.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Well that video just destoys my false beliefs about black men.

  • Fox n Fiends

    mmmm Charles & Sarah gettin' it on. that's delicious.

  • Terry

    He didn't say anything that several of the male Wonketters haven't been saying since Palin first appeared on that magazine cover, well before McCain picked her for his running mate.

    • MissTaken

      She wasn't the first (and maybe only?) recipient of the GILF title for nothing!

    • SorosBot

      Some of the male Wonketters; some of us have taste and find her repulsive.

      • CalamityJames

        I gotta agree. Sure, on an aesthetic level, she was, at one time, attractive. But the second that cunt opens her mouth, all I can see is a slightly more retarded Glenn Beck. Picturing my grandmother with a mouthful of man-meat gets me more aroused than the thought of this terrorist.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yes, some male Wonketeers used to say "I'd hit that." I plead guilty, your honor, with extenuating circumstances. This was back in 2006(?) and the only pix available of her were actually reasonably hot looking.

        So much water (filthy, vile, polluted) has passed under the bridge since then, it's hard to remember the way things were.

    • Beowoof

      Sarah is doable, but only doggie style. That way you don't have to look at her and when you're done and you're on your feet so you can jump in your drawers and run before she gets the chance to talk.

  • Tracy is the gay one right?

    • LionelHutzEsq

      I thought that was the Governor of Louisiana, but I get my 30 Rock cast members confused.

  • freakishlywrong

    This, along with a thousand other reasons, make me rejoice I don't have one of those things dangling between my legs. Amirite, ladies?

    • Barbara_i


    • CalamityJames

      Hell, it makes me regret having one, as insignificant as it is.

    • Every day reveals more women hiding in plain sight on Wonkette!

      • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

        I know. Who let all these unchaperoned women on the internet? Shouldn't they be in the kitchen giving birth?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      I don't have one of those things dangling between my legs

      You mean a Tracy Morgan? Or a Sarah Palin?

    • karen

      Word up, sister.

    • Having two brains has its advantages and disadvantages. Mostly not as demonstrated by Tracy Morgan.

    • problemwithcaring

      I agree, though I am ashamed to admit that I find the Wonkette "dangling" themed threads the most entertaining.

    • UW8316154


  • YasserArraFeck

    If excessive fapping really does make you blind*, then at least you wouldn't have to look at the nasty bitch any more. Then you'd only have to push the pencils in your ears to escape the harpy screech.

    * at least that what Fr. McNally told me, although that selfless Man of God did offer to "take on the blindness" himself if I'd let him…….ah, never mind.

  • This would have never happened in the White Basketball League!
    Well I guess it's possible that it could happen, but only 12 people would have seen it happen.

  • GuanoFaucet

    "Good masturbation material"

    I didn't know Tracy mainlined meth.

  • mourningnmerica

    I have to agree with Tracy. Just thinking about her is giving me wood. If I had some meth, I would masturbate now.
    The answer to the question, though is Tina Fey. That photo shoot that Esquire did was positively smokin'.

  • Hera Sent Me

    I masturbate to Tracey Morgan masturbating to Sarah Palin. It seems a quintessential 21st Century kink. I like to be depeche mode.

    Even though they're a 1980s band.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Tracy – No she isn't. Go get your eyes checked.

  • Tracy Morgan just laid a Cleveland steamer right at center court.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Alaska Punch?

  • edgydrifter

    On Palin > To Palin

  • BeWoot

    Personally, I've moved on from Sarah. My degeneracy is a fickle thing.

  • Gopherit

    sorry Tracy, but every time I play marry, fuck, kill with palin as the choice, she always ends up with the k.

  • johnnymeatworth

    They better hire him to replace Olbermann quick!

  • baconzgood

    Well when you go blind you don't HAVE to see her anymore.

    • LetUsBray

      Going deaf would better.

  • widestanceroman

    Morgan also recommends PineSol as lube.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Does that make one feel he is in a fucking pine forest?

  • ingloriousbytch

    Tracy Morgan's dick is apparently even more idiotic than John Mayer's.

    • trondant

      Hey now, that's no way to talk about the FunCooker.

  • Extemporanus

    "Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high-five."

    • Crank_Tango

      Fat neck girl, let me count your neck rings!

      • jus_wonderin

        I think they come 8 to a package.

  • At your death panel they give you a poster of Queen Palin so you can masturbate one more time before becoming Soylent Green.

  • OldWiseWizard

    I expect black guys to have weird taste in white chicks but it's usually expressed toward Meg Whitman sized ladies.

  • Gomez571

    This reminded me that I recently visited Emmett Till's grave site. Isn't it wonderful how far we have come since the sixties.

    • I'm not so sure that most Teajadists wouldn't want to lynch Mr. Morgan had they been aware of his existence or quote.

  • hagajim

    Tracy Morgan masturbates to the Sears catalog as well.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      & Veterinary Monthly.

  • Gorillionaire

    Tracy, for a hundred grand, you could just fuck her.

    • GOPCrusher

      For 120 Grrr, you could probably get a Sarah/Brisket three way.

    • chicken_thief

      But if you're running short of cash, for $20K Batshit Crazy Bachmann will don some specs and play Mama Grizz II….

    • ttommyunger

      But then you would actually have to associate with her in a real and personal way; not doable while trying to maintain a boner to climax.

  • JustPixelz

    I guess SP has a future in a "Grannies Who LIke It In the Fanny" direct-to-TLC video.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Sweet jumpin' Jesus…I looked that up. And while, after a brief horrified search, I didn't find any actual octogenarian anal action, there is a frightfully disturbing amount of granny porn sites. W.T.F people…really?

  • Crank_Tango

    Well, in fairness to Tracy, I have heard that a ragged old tube sock is also good masturbation material.

  • prommie

    A national "splooge on Palin" day, on which day, millions of men across the great nation of ours, will splooge on her in effigy, this would be a fun and pleasurable way of expressing our disregard, wouldn't it? Beat it, Sarah Day? Yank Sarah Day? Rub Out Palin Day?

    • genxr

      Rub Out With Votes!

    • DashboardBuddha

      Let's make it a yearly thing and call it the Palin Bukkake Invitational

      • chicken_thief

        And Tawd could snowmachine race across the spooge lake!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Sabotage? But that's what I do to myself!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Needs way, way less meth.

  • SorosBot

    Dr. Spaceman must have given Tracy the wrong pills again, like that time he was on Conan.

  • PublicLuxury

    This is the proof. Men would fuck anything. I think Tracy would get more pleasure if he raised his standards by opening a window, sticking his dick out and fucking the world.

    No sceechy voice in the morning after being blind drunk.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      by opening a window, sticking his dick out and fucking the world.

      Wait, that's 'fucking the world'?? I always thought it started with 'stopping Florida recounts'

    • jus_wonderin

      You had me in suspense there. I thought the scene would end with slamming the window down…hard.

  • SenileAgitation

    Tracy should be congratulated for his humanitarian thought! Everyone has a purpose, everyone is good for something. Still, Tina Fey. And Charles now has to be haunted with visions of bending SP over.

  • I wouldn't fuck her with Ted Haggard's meth!

  • LionelHutzEsq

    The scarier thing is that now Palin will be calling out Tracy's name when she is in bed with Todd.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Tracy Morgan is my hero.

  • proudgrampa

    I hate to admit this, but I could do Palin. If she would just keep her trap shut.

    • jus_wonderin

      Which trap?

      • proudgrampa

        Ya know, it just occurred to me that if she has vagina dentata, I might not want to do her, after all…

    • ChessieNefercat

      Good luck with that.

  • Weenus299
    • jus_wonderin

      Oh, my heart. Jan, give me back my heart!!

    • Gunner Asch

      I remember having palpitations to that pic at the time. I didn't know her later role at WKRP. In the same "ah, the chicks sure were hot then" vein I just rewatched A Clockwork Orange and fell in love (or something similar) with the blonde chick Malcom McDowell picks up in the record store all over again.

    • undeterredbyreality

      For some reason, I didn't get back to this until now–but thanks for that! She was indeed a hottie.

  • karen

    The funniest part was the white guy's reaction over on the left. He looked like he was ready to be beaten to death by the management for letting the negroes get out of hand.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Wonder what Sarah thinks about a very urban guy masturbating to her? Maybe it gets Todd hawt. She could have a post-political career in milf and black porno.

  • keepem_sikanpor

    I wouldn't even fist fuck her with Megyn Kelly's hand.

  • problemwithcaring

    Masturbation material? Is he calling Sarah Palin spunk?

  • ChessieNefercat

    Why, why, why, why, why? Could some of you straight guys explain why she is considered sexy or attractive? I am a straight female but can certainly see why men would see any number of women attractive that I can think of, but Sarah?

    She seems to veer between cold as ice, to just not interested, to actively not liking men or anyone else for that matter. She seems to give off a "sex is ucky" vibe.

    Never mind the whole stupid as a bag of hammers, self-absorbed, bitchy as all get out, etc.

    • natoslug

      Some days it comes down to the old Andrew Dice Clay line . . . two tits, a hole and a heartbeat.

      Basically we have very low standards to start with, and depending on our desperation level (varies by the second, if I'm a normal guy), those standards are more of a guideline than a law. And while I admit to the occasional "I'd hit it" comment several years ago, there is no way, no matter how many beers or lonely nights, that I would in fact "hit it." Unless we're talking about using a 2×4.

    • snoopyfan2010

      My guess is that Tracy's comments was not meant as a compliment. A back handed insult at best but definitely not a compliment.

  • OneTrueLiberal

    Franklin and I do so love colorful Negro comedians.

    This "Tracy Morgan" fellow is almost as good as Amos & Andy on the RCA wireless machine that Franklin has in the Oval Office.

    Some things never change, do they? All TrueLiberals find humor in our Ethiopian friends.



  • Tracy, shhhhh! You're giving away the secret of Palin's political appeal.

  • ttommyunger

    I think a lot of weird shit, but saying on a hot mike?

  • aqua_buddha

    Verbatim, Sean Hannity, two minutes ago, quote :

    " …the shots this woman has taken, the incoming …."

    Well, then.

    Maybe Sean has had a little too much face time with SP lately … and feels spent.

  • Negropolis

    Tracy is hilariously inappropriate, a constant stream of consciouness that sometimes produces nuggets of wisdom or kernels of truth. His comedic genius is keeping one guessing whether he's slightly off or just playing a part. To this very day I don't actually know.

  • sqeptiq

    Shows how teevee-aware I am. I had a vague notion that Tracy Morgan was some trashy chick.

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