Tracy Morgan Likes To Masturbate To Sarah Palin

  tracy morgan is so gross


Here you go, Wonkette Community: Here is a sports video of teevee’s Tracy Morgan saying that gross old snowbilly grandma Sarah Palin is “good masturbation material.” [EW via Monsieur Grumpe]

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A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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139 comments

      1. horsedreamer_1

        She's Lisa Loeb?

        (Oh, & you know whose womb-cannon blasts Lisa was dodging? First, Duncan Shiek (suspiciously Muslin?); next, Dweezil Zappa. (Nitemare fuel?))

  1. horsedreamer_1

    To avenge Todd stepping out on her with an ugly massage therapist, Sarah will "go rogue black". Then, to stoke her Tea Party base, she will "go back" (to Todd). (Ain't nothing a black can do that good ol' boy Todd can't do, she'll be saying.)

  2. DerrickWildcat

    Now is Tracy Morgan slightly retarded? Don't get me wrong, I think he's funny, but 2 seconds after I laugh at something he says, I get this unexplainable feeling of guilt.

    1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      Get rid of the part where you laugh and that's exactly how I feel about Carlos Mencia.

      1. Weenus299

        OK. This explains a lot. Got bad feelings about laughing at both. Is there some kind of comedy welfare out there for comics who aren't funny?

        1. LetUsBray

          They could go wingnut and be set for life, like Dennis Miller and the boozer who shits out Mallard Fillmore.

    2. lochnessmonster

      Got to say the guy is not afraid to speak his mind…it is so wrong but most of what he says is what everyone is thinking.

    1. bumfug

      Tina's the one you wouldn't feel compelled to scrub yourself head to toe with a wire brush if you woke up next to her.

          1. natoslug

            Between time, gravity, Todd and the twelve (eight? fifteen?) or so children that she breast-fed, those poor bags likely brush her cankles when freed from the bra. So yeah, that'll work.

          2. HolyMaracas

            You are forgetting about that one rumor about Sarah. I think at this point we can all agree on "White Thrash Fuck", can't we?.

          3. ChessieNefercat

            Breast-fed? As in caring, loving, intimate, bonding with your offspring? Sarah? Just, no. The pregnancies alone would accomplish the cankle-brushing. No need to attribute maternal instincts to that moral-less skank.

  3. metamarcisf

    The American Family Association is already organizizing a boycott of the NBA. That'll make 'em sit up and take notice!

    1. SorosBot

      I thought most of the conservatives already don't watch basketball, preferring hockey and NASCAR with their all-white players.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    Stupid questions should get crazy responses. Or maybe Morgan was confused with Nalin Palin's Lisa Ann and not Palin.

    I happen to like women with glasses… Bailey Quarters fetish, I guess… but to answer the question, Fey.

    1. Weenus299

      Mmmmm. That Jan Smithers ass. Do you know pre WKRP she was on the cover of Newsweek? She was a teenager on the back of a motorcycle, looking back at the camera, and it was a story about today's (circa early 1970s) youth.

    2. ttommyunger

      It's true. Hot chicks; Hell, yeah you want to bone them. Hot chicks with glasses, you want to bone them and then talk to them for a couple of hours…

  5. Terry

    He didn't say anything that several of the male Wonketters haven't been saying since Palin first appeared on that magazine cover, well before McCain picked her for his running mate.

      1. CalamityJames

        I gotta agree. Sure, on an aesthetic level, she was, at one time, attractive. But the second that cunt opens her mouth, all I can see is a slightly more retarded Glenn Beck. Picturing my grandmother with a mouthful of man-meat gets me more aroused than the thought of this terrorist.

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        Yes, some male Wonketeers used to say "I'd hit that." I plead guilty, your honor, with extenuating circumstances. This was back in 2006(?) and the only pix available of her were actually reasonably hot looking.

        So much water (filthy, vile, polluted) has passed under the bridge since then, it's hard to remember the way things were.

    1. Beowoof

      Sarah is doable, but only doggie style. That way you don't have to look at her and when you're done and you're on your feet so you can jump in your drawers and run before she gets the chance to talk.

  6. freakishlywrong

    This, along with a thousand other reasons, make me rejoice I don't have one of those things dangling between my legs. Amirite, ladies?

      1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

        I know. Who let all these unchaperoned women on the internet? Shouldn't they be in the kitchen giving birth?

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      I don't have one of those things dangling between my legs

      You mean a Tracy Morgan? Or a Sarah Palin?

    2. problemwithcaring

      I agree, though I am ashamed to admit that I find the Wonkette "dangling" themed threads the most entertaining.

  7. YasserArraFeck

    If excessive fapping really does make you blind*, then at least you wouldn't have to look at the nasty bitch any more. Then you'd only have to push the pencils in your ears to escape the harpy screech.

    * at least that what Fr. McNally told me, although that selfless Man of God did offer to "take on the blindness" himself if I'd let him…….ah, never mind.

  8. mourningnmerica

    I have to agree with Tracy. Just thinking about her is giving me wood. If I had some meth, I would masturbate now.
    The answer to the question, though is Tina Fey. That photo shoot that Esquire did was positively smokin'.

  9. Hera Sent Me

    I masturbate to Tracey Morgan masturbating to Sarah Palin. It seems a quintessential 21st Century kink. I like to be depeche mode.

    Even though they're a 1980s band.

  10. Gopherit

    sorry Tracy, but every time I play marry, fuck, kill with palin as the choice, she always ends up with the k.

  11. OldWiseWizard

    I expect black guys to have weird taste in white chicks but it's usually expressed toward Meg Whitman sized ladies.

  12. Gomez571

    This reminded me that I recently visited Emmett Till's grave site. Isn't it wonderful how far we have come since the sixties.

    1. chicken_thief

      But if you're running short of cash, for $20K Batshit Crazy Bachmann will don some specs and play Mama Grizz II….

    2. ttommyunger

      But then you would actually have to associate with her in a real and personal way; not doable while trying to maintain a boner to climax.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Sweet jumpin' Jesus…I looked that up. And while, after a brief horrified search, I didn't find any actual octogenarian anal action, there is a frightfully disturbing amount of granny porn sites. W.T.F people…really?

  13. Crank_Tango

    Well, in fairness to Tracy, I have heard that a ragged old tube sock is also good masturbation material.

  14. prommie

    A national "splooge on Palin" day, on which day, millions of men across the great nation of ours, will splooge on her in effigy, this would be a fun and pleasurable way of expressing our disregard, wouldn't it? Beat it, Sarah Day? Yank Sarah Day? Rub Out Palin Day?

  15. PublicLuxury

    This is the proof. Men would fuck anything. I think Tracy would get more pleasure if he raised his standards by opening a window, sticking his dick out and fucking the world.

    No sceechy voice in the morning after being blind drunk.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      by opening a window, sticking his dick out and fucking the world.

      Wait, that's 'fucking the world'?? I always thought it started with 'stopping Florida recounts'

    2. jus_wonderin

      You had me in suspense there. I thought the scene would end with slamming the window down…hard.

  16. SenileAgitation

    Tracy should be congratulated for his humanitarian thought! Everyone has a purpose, everyone is good for something. Still, Tina Fey. And Charles now has to be haunted with visions of bending SP over.

  17. LionelHutzEsq

    The scarier thing is that now Palin will be calling out Tracy's name when she is in bed with Todd.

      1. proudgrampa

        Ya know, it just occurred to me that if she has vagina dentata, I might not want to do her, after all…

    1. Gunner Asch

      I remember having palpitations to that pic at the time. I didn't know her later role at WKRP. In the same "ah, the chicks sure were hot then" vein I just rewatched A Clockwork Orange and fell in love (or something similar) with the blonde chick Malcom McDowell picks up in the record store all over again. http://nighthawknews.wordpress.com/2010/11/21/the

    2. undeterredbyreality

      For some reason, I didn't get back to this until now–but thanks for that! She was indeed a hottie.

  18. karen

    The funniest part was the white guy's reaction over on the left. He looked like he was ready to be beaten to death by the management for letting the negroes get out of hand.

  19. littlebigdaddy

    Wonder what Sarah thinks about a very urban guy masturbating to her? Maybe it gets Todd hawt. She could have a post-political career in milf and black porno.

  20. ChessieNefercat

    Why, why, why, why, why? Could some of you straight guys explain why she is considered sexy or attractive? I am a straight female but can certainly see why men would see any number of women attractive that I can think of, but Sarah?

    She seems to veer between cold as ice, to just not interested, to actively not liking men or anyone else for that matter. She seems to give off a "sex is ucky" vibe.

    Never mind the whole stupid as a bag of hammers, self-absorbed, bitchy as all get out, etc.

    1. natoslug

      Some days it comes down to the old Andrew Dice Clay line . . . two tits, a hole and a heartbeat.

      Basically we have very low standards to start with, and depending on our desperation level (varies by the second, if I'm a normal guy), those standards are more of a guideline than a law. And while I admit to the occasional "I'd hit it" comment several years ago, there is no way, no matter how many beers or lonely nights, that I would in fact "hit it." Unless we're talking about using a 2×4.

    2. snoopyfan2010

      My guess is that Tracy's comments was not meant as a compliment. A back handed insult at best but definitely not a compliment.

  21. OneTrueLiberal

    Franklin and I do so love colorful Negro comedians.

    This "Tracy Morgan" fellow is almost as good as Amos & Andy on the RCA wireless machine that Franklin has in the Oval Office.

    Some things never change, do they? All TrueLiberals find humor in our Ethiopian friends.

    Cordially,

    Eleanor

  22. aqua_buddha

    Verbatim, Sean Hannity, two minutes ago, quote :

    " …the shots this woman has taken, the incoming …."

    Well, then.

    Maybe Sean has had a little too much face time with SP lately … and feels spent.

  23. Negropolis

    Tracy is hilariously inappropriate, a constant stream of consciouness that sometimes produces nuggets of wisdom or kernels of truth. His comedic genius is keeping one guessing whether he's slightly off or just playing a part. To this very day I don't actually know.

  24. natoslug

    Welcome back, Neilist! I assume you are the one true Neilist and not an impostor. And yes, because I laugh at funny people (or even painfully embarrassing people), I give you an upthumb.

Comments are closed.