People of Chicago Allowed To Vote For Their Favorite Insider Rahm Again

  that guy

WHAT ARE STATE LINES OTHER THAN AN ARBITRARY CONTRIVANCE OF AN IMPERFECT HUMANITY?

Rahm Emanuel’s bid to become mayor of this city may proceed, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled on Thursday.

Well, there you have it. Perhaps this is the last Rahm post we’ll ever have to do until he becomes a boring mayor and disappears forever? [NYT]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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31 comments

    1. Negropolis

      You forgot to add a threating "or else" to the end of that. That's how all of Rahm's sentences end.

  1. user-of-owls

    The streetlamps are on in Chicago tonight,
    And lovers a'gazin' at stars;
    The stores are all closin', and Daley is dozin',
    And the fat man is counting the cars…

    To me, way, hey, tow them away,
    The Lincoln Park Pirates are we,

  2. Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    here's Rahm's statement after hearing the news:

    "It's fucking called fucking goddamn democracy you motherfucking pieces of shit. [finger] Now wake the fucking dead and tell them who the fuck to fucking vote for."

  3. Jukesgrrl

    Please tell me the ballots weren't printed without his name. I can't stand six months of lawsuits while the Lizard People argue whether or not the people of Chicago spell better than the people of Minnesota or Alaska. RAHM … it rhymes with BOMB, but that's not how it's spelled, people.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      They did print a bunch of ballots without Rahm's name on them — but they're going to make up for it by printing an equal number with votes for him already filled in.

  4. Barbara_i

    His swearing in ceremony will sound like an Emergency Broadcast announcement in Oklahoma during tornado season. They will only be allowed to show it on Cinemax after midnight.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    "The court's not really sure if Rahm is a resident of Chicago or not, but we figured it would be a lot easier to explain how he won the election if we said he was eligible to run."

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      "Having counted the ballots, it is clear that Mr. Emanuel has won, therefore he must be eligible to run. "

  6. Negropolis

    The Daley…er….the Lord works in mysterious ways. Now, all that is left to do is a few cemetery crawls, and buy-offs of black and hispanic politicians and community activists and we'll all be done.

    No, when's the coronation? I hear Chicago is beautiful in the fall.

      1. Negropolis

        Yes, if by impressive you mean a below-zero gale force wind whipping off Lake Michigan into Grant Park freezing you to your seat. It certainly is impressive.

Comments are closed.