Yeah, that’s exactly what it looks like. Tea Party News Brief, starring Ava. Because Fox News seemed suspiciously lucid and organized.

Sufficiently urban. Needs more virtual furry sex. And Ron Paul.

Oh good, there’s a guestbook!


[YouTube via Right Wing Watch]

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  • smokefilledroommate

    'Ava' looks as if she's gonna squat and take a shit on the 'floor'.

    • PsycWench

      I was thinking more that she's practicing the urination-while-standing position. You never know when you might pick up some extra money that way.

    • teebob2000

      Go to commercial, for Gods sake, she gonna piss herself!

    • Radiotherapy

      Would that be a cyber stool?

      • smokefilledroommate


  • Buzz Feedback

    Ava has a size 9 poop chute … or an Adam's Apple. I can't decide which.

    • Negropolis

      Can't it have both? Must you make us choose?

  • JoshuaNorton

    Now they have a face to go along with the voices in their head.


  • x111e7thst

    Just another day in the Repubnik of Fucktardia.

    • nounverb911

      Is Fucktardia near Texas?

    • petehammer

      You sir, owe royalties to Sir Phillip Collins.

      Oh! Think twice! It's just another day in the repubnik of fucktardidice.

  • bureaucrap

    "Ava" is a gif of a doll. The only person they could find that actually was willing to appear on camera on the TP's behalf.

  • OneDollarJuana

    "Ava's" random,slightly spasmodic movements remind me of Joe Cocker, except not interesting.

  • jjdaddyo

    She looks like Katie Sagal.

    • smokefilledroommate

      But smells like Ed O'Neill.

    • Radiotherapy

      And sounds like Steven Seagal in drag…with a brain tumor.

    • Ruhe

      With an extra eye.

    • HedonismBot

      Katie Sagal is a liberal Democrat! In 2008, I did a little volunteering for Hopey in 2008 in Billings Montana (talk about hostile territory.) And the coordinator told me that Katie Sagal would be there a couple weeks later to do some door-to-door work. I missed that day, and I was kind of kicking myself for it. I had wanted to bring my Futurama DVD for an autograph.

    • jim89048

      It's Lucinda Williams.
      Too soon (to be Forgotten)?

  • SexySmurf

    I can't wait for the Taiwanese CGI version.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Man, Michelle Bachmann looks like shit, especially in that second clip.

    • revmod

      Well, blind, you know. She doesn't know how weird her arm movements are.

  • DDDintensified

    Let's make her look like a Michele Bachmann marionette, but with Claude Rains' nose from "The Invisible Man."

  • jus_wonderin

    How many points do I get if I run over her with my virtual automobile????

  • CrunchyKnee

    "This is the kind of inovation (sic) this country used to have."

    Yep, Rev BJ, our country was founded on shitty pixelated cartoons.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Hey, CrunchyKnee! Those shitty pixelated cartoons spent their whole lives fighting against slavery!

      • ChessieNefercat

        In the late 1700's!

    • Chronological history is just one theory.

  • Boredw/Gravity

    From the comments in the guestbook, it appears that the same spelling and grammer issues we have come to identify with teabaggers are alive and well.

    • OneDollarJuana


      • Boredw/Gravity

        Oh ha, teabagged myself. And that's hard to do.

      • Ducksworthy


        • WriteyWriterton


    • smokefilledroommate

      That was me as 'BEN Q.'. Did I do goodz?

      • Terry

        Yes, grasshopper

    • I can't wait ot see if my comment in their guestbook is steathy enuff to evade there snark detector.

  • not that Dewey

    Sheesh. Even Contessa Brewer doesn't squirm around that much.

    • V572625694

      Contessa could squirm around w/me any time she wants to.

      • not that Dewey

        Hear, hear.

    • teebob2000

      She does when you try to chloroform her.

      Don't ask.

      • not that Dewey

        Yeah, but just for a couple of minutes, probably.

  • YasserArraFeck

    What. The. Fuck.
    Does Ava have some sort of embarrassing "feminine itch" issue? She can't seem to stand still. Couldn't they at least have programmed in the occasional crotch-scratch, so the poor wench could get some relief?

    • Seems the Teatards have thrown some yeast into their brew.

      • Radiotherapy

        Could be vajayjay hookworms too.

    • Don't you mean " Double u, tee, eff"?

    • Rotundo_

      At first I considered that possibility, but the idea that it was a remote controlled device seems so much more diginified: Don't they make an autodiddler? Remote control butterfly or something?

    • She looks like she needs to lay her landing strip down and clean up some land barnacles using one of those those motorized boot cleaners in a squat position.

  • doxastic

    This is the kind of inovation this country used to have
    Tea Party: The brightest future is in the past!

    • They seem to see 20/20 through rose-colored glasses. In terms of acres, most of Redstatesyvania, including Michele's Minnesota, was obtained through the Louisiana Purchase, about which the Federalists howled and howled about out-of-control spending and debt and how Jefferson was constitutionally way out-of-bounds. Here's hoping that the Teatards enjoy the same organizational success as the Federalists.

      • mumbly_joe

        Maybe we can return it to France, for a refund, or at least, store credit? Everybody wins: the Teatards get to make us return to an idiot's fantasy version of "Constitutional Government", and we get to get rid of teatards by sending them to the country where they'd be the most miserable (well, except for France's brown-people-hating, of course).

        • jus_wonderin

          I am not sure we could even get a store credit. The Purchase has been worn.

      • Yeah but now that they've found out about TJ's views on nullification they lurve him.

  • nounverb911

    What is it with teabaggers? None of them seem to be able to look at cameras. Are they afraid it will steal their souls or something?

    • emmelemm

      You mean it doesn't?

    • Geminisunmars

      Souls? What souls?

    • I think lizard people are sometimes detectable in photos. It's too risky for them to be pictured.

  • doxastic

    Ava's got one fierce pee pee dance.

    • Tundra Grifter

      You beat me to it! When our kids were small, if either of them swayed back and forth like that we'd be heading for the bathroom immediately!

    • Barrelhse

      At first I thought is was the 15 year old Natalie Portman doing "Cabaret."

    • Left_Leftie

      Watching her made want to go pee. Seriously.

  • Needs more anvils or pianos dropping on her.

    • Si. Where is señor Coyote when we need him?

      • Gleem_McShineys

        I think ACME closed up its domestic operations and is now solely providing such things (especially their line of road-based explosives) to the desert dwellers in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    • keepem_sikanpor

      Piano on zombie, kill of the week.

  • baconzgood

    WOW! The Tea Party spent the big bucks on the new Commodore c-64.

    • Do you think they be interested in upgrading to an Amiga 1000?

      • Beowoof

        That doesn't even come to a TI Calcultor circa 1974

    • eatingraoul

      The Koch Bros only buy the best

  • OneYieldRegular

    Well, her eyes move more than Michelle Bachmann's, so that's a point in this video's favor.

  • Extemporanus

    Is that Sarah Palin's "Ava" tard?

    • Radiotherapy

      QUIT bringing me Downs, but that is a retard strong comment.

    • HolyMaracas

      Nah…too skinny. More like "Lara Croft and the Legend of Death Panels."

  • Worthly Wokette Skum

    Methinks Rev. Beaver needs some help filling out that guest book.

    Who's with me?

    • GOPCrusher

      Tried. Seems only approved guests can sign the guest book.

  • aguacatero

    This does not begin to approach Fox News in crazy quotient. Its Tea Party bona fides are in serious question:

    1. The voice is that of an African-American, yet all three of the Tea Party's AA members have alibis.
    2. There is no hatred for Obama worthy of the TP brand, and several points in his speech are actually praised
    3. While stupid, it possesses hints of empiricism and respect for democratic deliberation — not TP style.
    4. The swaying figure is inexplicable.

    • Barrelhse

      The swaying figure IS explicable- and Rush is gonna call her out on it and make fun of her.

    • gvvt

      The ava-tard was crafted by an African-American woman who seems to teach ethics, of all things, at New Brunswick Theological Seminary.

  • baconzgood

    I'd soooo virtually pork her!

  • bumfug

    Slogan: "Imaginary News Delivered By Imaginary People."

    • Ducksworthy

      A step up from Fux.

    • DoktorZoom

      "About imagined offenses against what we're pretty sure should be in the Constitution"

    • Beowoof

      Are you sure Fox hasn't trademarked that yet?

  • MinAgain

    Needs more tentacle sex.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Too late, what do you think caused the wide stance and tremors?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Bad news — Ava's been exposed as a liberal plant and has been fired after eviscerating Sarah Palin with a series of gotcha questions about what a moose is and how its meat is cooked.

  • Why is the ghost of Michael Jackson voicing the animatrix?

    • jus_wonderin

      Well, his career is in Limbo.

    • __kth__

      to prove that teabaggers aren't racists, silly!

    • I thought it was to show their love of children.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Finally, a way to get information for people who think that FOX News is not biased enough, but don't want to visit Townhall, Redstate, Drudge, Stormfront or Newsmax.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Don't forget Wing Nut Daily.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Please, can't I forget World Net Daily? And the rest of them? Pretty Please?

  • metamarcisf

    Well, shoot! It says my comment "may need to be approved before it is displayed" on that there guestbook thang.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Mine too! Why does the Nonpartisan Arm of the Tea Party hate free speech?

    • Jukesgrrl

      You didn't put in enough spelling errors.

    • jus_wonderin

      Guys, Ava is the admin. She has to come down first before she can approve your comments. And from the looks of it, she will be sleeping in until 3 tomorrow afternoon.

    • Terry

      Mine says it's been submitted. Rats. It's full of sneaky goodness, too

  • i_like_tigers

    Going to go register as Republican so I can vote for this GIF for President 2012.

    • jus_wonderin

      Don't do it. After the election she will turn out to be a GIF in JPG clothing just like all the others!!!!

      • genxr

        You mean a GINO?

    • GunTotingProgressive

      Is she a GIF or a GILF?

    • BeWoot

      Ava/Pawlenty 2012!

  • Tundra Grifter

    I found Ava to be more lifelike than either Michele Bachmann or Sarah "Duh Gov'Nuh" Palin.

    Overall, however, that's the worst annimation I've seen since "Johnny Quest."

  • baconzgood

    Poo-litzer prize journalism.

  • Shanaynay

    • elviouslyqueer
      • SheriffRoscoe
        • slappypaddy

          (you so bad, i thumb you up anyways.)

          • SheriffRoscoe

            The payoff comes at the end of the clip, amirite? Also, it helps to know some of the gay yutes to understand their unique culture.

  • Besides being complete morons with no grounding in history or science, the bagger bit about being "non-partisan" always cracks me up.

    90% or more of these clowns voted for G. W. Bush twice. After that epic debacle, they burned their uniforms, put on their funny hats, and doubled down on the same lame shit.

    • GOPCrusher

      They adopted the term "non-partisan" to deflect the racism charges that they were getting from showing up at rallies with signs depicting Obama as an African Witch Doctor or "LYNCH THE N*GGER!" on them.
      It's kind of like Steve King and his "urban" term.

    • Its non-partisan news for a particular party.

      Their logic would make fantastic pretzels.

  • I came for the ca. 1998-style 3d animation production values. I stayed for the lip-synching work. The attention to detail was really there. Top drawer all around. Unfortunately the camera bobbing back and forth as if it was attached to the Sword of Damocles made me motion sick and I yurped. But I was loving freedom as I did it.

    • jus_wonderin

      Freeeeedom!! is the new Buuuuick!!!!

  • CapnFatback

    I liked Ava better when she was voicing Disney's Song of the South on record back in the '70s.

  • MistaEko

    Ava….Ava….I'm over here….Ava….look over…AVA!

  • EdFlintstone

    Cartoon news for people whose understanding of politics and history ended in the fifth grade. It makes perfect sense.

  • baconzgood

    What ever it is Lucus has got heavy competition now.

  • Barrelhse

    Ava sounds suspiciously like Mavis Beacon.
    Just sayin'.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Anybody remember Max Headroom? He was a 'virtual person' like this, only in the past and much better. This proves that the future is the past, only with more poop.

    • baconzgood

      How could remember Max Headroom? That show was on for like 1/2 a season. And yes I was one of the 6 people who watched it. Now if I can only find the other 4.

      • genxr

        Max Hedroom made most of his money from product endorsements. Oh and he was President from '81 to '89.

      • slappypaddy
      • thebeatgoeson08

        I watched at least some of it! I like Matt Frewer. I even liked his short-lived sitcom "Doctor Doctor" – I liked his comedic delivery.

      • UW8316154

        Remember Max Headroom starring with The Art Of Noise?

    • DoktorZoom

      Rented the set from Netflix and made my kid watch it. He said he thought it "explained a lot"

      • baconzgood

        Your kid needs a team of psychoanalists.

    • DarkHelmet: Shit even in the future nothing works.

  • Terry

    Looks like a tea bagger has a Second Life account. Sad, really sad.

    • SayItWithWookies

      He's getting ahead of himself then.

  • Rambone

    It's like Sesame Street for teabaggers!

    • Boredw/Gravity

      Sesame Street is too advanced for these twats.

  • baconzgood

    I wanna see Wonkbot and Eva meet….IN THE THUNDERDOME!!!!

  • SmutBoffin

    But will there be news reports about how everything, everywhere, everywhen is UNCONTITUTIONAL, except for child labor and gold?

  • Redhead

    Awww, did the Teabagger party find the Simms 10 years after they stopped being any good?

  • WhatTheHeck

    They would have been better off using Pinocchio to read the news. He would have moved more smoothly, but reading the Tea Party news would have made his nose grow out of the camera frame.

  • V572625694

    Alabama would take issue with that assertion, if anyone in Alabama could understand it.

  • So, I see Ava Braun has a new job, that's nice…

  • Guppy06

    Aren't they all "news networks for the insane?

  • teebob2000

    So obviously a tranny.

  • bflrtsplk

    Ava must have learned those moves from BachmannPalin. Faaaaaarrrrrrouuuuuuuuuttttt!

  • WTF?! Why did I have to find this on huffpo and not here?!

    • Radiotherapy

      Must be the heavy, wet snow that incapacitated DC and our Wonkette-übereditors.

    • Hanx, Chet!

    • Terry

      "Palin didn't hurt this much."

      That line taken out of context is scary as heck.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I luv her.

      (Sara, not Michele.)

    • UW8316154

      "Big, black, beautiful"…..

  • sportshort

    Troglodyte Party! Start pronouncing it right. What's all this "Tee" Party crap?

  • wegot2dobetter

    What's up with that hard "T"?

  • Ducksworthy

    Who here believes that the voice is actually that of an Urban American? Is sounds more like a poor mockery by someone who does not routinely communicate with Urban Persons.

    • Terry

      It sounds like a guy whose nads haven't decended trying to sound like a woman.

    • DoktorZoom

      It's somewhere between a fairly good text-to-speech program and a very heavily dosing voiceover actor who really needed the work.

  • No. Fucking. Way.

    "America will no longer be the place where dreams come true." Sure thing, Tinkerbell.

  • lochnessmonster

    Why am I not surprised they are busty women who sort of look like Sarah Mama Grizzly Bear Lipstick on a Pitbull Palin?

  • DoktorZoom

    Release….the TARDBOT!!!!

  • indecencycmdr

    why is this a thing? and why did wonkette share it? you know, herpes is a thing, too. doesn't mean you should share it w/ everybody.

  • That poor virtual newscaster has digital Parkinson's

  • lulzmonger

    The first video cured me of any desire to see the second one.
    An avatar with untreated tardive dyskenesia, doing its best Shaneequa vox, saying, well, not much.

    Now THAT's change we can believe in, my friends!

  • Crank_Tango

    Mike said: January 27th, 2011 1:17 pm
    Great work! These TEA PARTY NEWS BRIEFS really fit me. Nice and snug, and no LEAKS, LIBERALS!!!

  • Gorillionaire

    Man, that Koch Brothers money buys some fancy looking productions.

  • slappypaddy

    (jamming a stick up one's ass does not cure hemorrhoids, even if one is not really alive.)

  • Perhaps she sways because she just this morning received liposuction and stood up from her scooter for the first time in 12 years.

  • HedonismBot

    If teabaggers are anything, it is non-partisan. All the politicians they support just happen to be Repbulicans. And white, at least on the inside.

  • HolyMaracas

    Lara Croft and the Legend of Death Panels.

  • metamarcisf

    Evan Warren said: January 27th, 2011 2:30 pm
    This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, only tru Patriots need apply.

    How come they won't print my Krauthammer joke?

  • chowkster

    Looks like Ava is ready to drop a cyber baby. And by baby I mean poop.

  • salt_bagel

    If I'm going to watch another leaked Avatar 2 clip, they best be fuckin'.

  • x111e7thst

    Ava dear, have something to eat, maybe a sandwich or a piece of cake. You might stop shaking and twitching like that.

  • OT

    As if Arizona doesn't have enough with national interest murder trials going on, the teatarded co-founder of the Minutemen American Defense, Shawna Forde is on trial this week for the murder of a Messican and his 10-year old daughter. The glory of these patriots, the fucking glory.

    • glamourdammerung

      Never forget who the real victims in this tragedy about a murdered nine year old and her family is.

      The teabaggers and Sarah Palin.

    • Bluestatelibel

      Pre-teen girls are apparently a clear and present danger to this country according to teabaggers.

    • Madam Killjoy

      She shot a child in the head, in cold blood, while she pleaded for her life. Fucking monster. But, yeah, let's not worry about hateful rhetoric and the uptick of extremism on the right. It might hurt their fucking feelings should we point out the number of murders committed by domestic (but white!) terrorists over the last two years. And most of their victims are cops.

  • Sheesko

    I want to hear Ava on the Diane Rehm Show. Just before I blow my brains out.

    • jus_wonderin

      Make sure you give to your local NPR affiliate…first. You could give online, but you might want to avail yourself of the opportunity to tramatize a membersihip volunteer.

  • owhatever

    Ava must quit using those big words if she hopes to run for Congress as a viable Tea Party candidate. At present, she is only polling 30 percent.

  • Bluestatelibel

    Ava needs to lay off the eyeliner … is she supposed to be a person or a racoon?

    • jim89048

      Hey, it works for Bachmann.

  • Limeylizzie

    OT But, stop me if you have heard this, Rahm has been cleared to run for Mayor by the Illinois Supreme Court!

    • Did Emanuel have Horace Rumpole as his barrister?

      • I loved those shows.

        • We as well. Have a great photo of she who must be obeyed, my bride, in front of the Old Bailey.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Wait…that WASN'T a spoof? What the fuck?

  • __kth__

    vocals by Muhammad Ali a couple of years after the really bad fights like the Thrilla in Manila

    • DashboardBuddha

      I'm gonna cruise like a rascal and slobber like a moron!

  • Fare la Volpe

    Parkinson's is a hell of a disease.

  • gef05

    The Tea Party actually expects me to masturbate to this?

  • eatingraoul

    Okkaay. Briefs not boxers, whitey tighteys. Excellent choice teabaggers.

  • jim89048

    I still prefer Erin from Esurance, if Flo isn't available.

    Pee bandit exposed!

  • eatingraoul

    Okkaay. Briefs not boxers…..Whitey Tighty Teabaggers again prove that they are on the cutting edge. I mean what is next? Swallowing Goldfish?? Piling into Phone Booths? Racoon Coats?

  • Janinthepan

    This isn't real. It's some asshole playing sims.

  • Radiotherapy

    In the not too distant future,
    I can imagine Wonkbot TSA-1138 and Ava having their own CNN teevee show:
    Wonker and Schitzer?

  • Good News Everyone! Morons have figured out teh Internets!

    Question to the mannequin with Parkensin's: "Why does the Tea Party oppose immigration reform?"

  • glamourdammerung

    I eagerly await their hard-hitting piece on Representative Paul Ryan's death pan–er "privatization" of Medicare proposal.

  • JoshuaNorton


  • user-of-owls

    "I'm User-of-Owls and I have a fragile ego."

    Hi User

    "It's been minutes since I checked my P, but I'm still emotionally crushed by the fact that even though I've faithfully devoted myself to Wonkette, and Wonkette alone, since the day long ago Yellow Editor (Lat) responded to me, I am lagging and even dropping in the esteem of my fellows."

    What do you mean, User?

    "Long time and well respected commenters are saddled with embarrassingly low p scores, while relative newcomers with ill-phrased, derivative and/or simply dull comments have been lavished with pee. It's just demoralizing."

    So, User, you're just a whiny baby?

    "No! Well, I mean…Sure, ok"

    • jim89048

      I know, right? Maybe it's those surreptitious sidetrips to redhate or bigwhatever…

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Did George Romero direct this? ? With the swaying and the dark around her eyes she looks hungry for brains.

    I know, I know…..too easy.

  • Pragmatist2

    Will they only cover the news from 1787 and before?

    • glamourdammerung

      Only 3/5ths of it.

  • Qatarded

    She's got a hell of a gap, but she sounds like Aunt Jemima.

  • Rasvar

    I was wondering what people were doing with Second Life these days.

  • Sassomatic

    I can't decided who is taking too much LSD: me or the people who made this.

  • Ava looks like a more attractive, wide-stance version of Orly Taitz. I guess that appeals to 'baggers. But why put her on the set of 21 Jump Street?

  • DrunkIrishman

    A government of the Sims, by the Sims, for the Sims…

  • ttommyunger

    Can't wait for Rush "Jabber the Gut" Limbaugh to laugh her to scorn for exaggerating her palsy just to get sympathy. BTW, she looks a lot like Ben "Mr. Potatoe Head" Quayle in drag, coincidence? I think not.

  • dogscantlookup

    In the non partisan anti sky pirates capitalistic pig-dog news;
    Here's Tom with the weather.

  • OldRedneck

    These people definitely are not in touch with the mother ship.

  • Lost_Teabaggers

    Hey I thought Glenn Beck was the yea olde teabagger action news man what with him being so nonpartisan and all. I mean his SOU coverage amounted to raping a bunny while weeping about "5 pilars of faith" or something….I mean in the teabagger world, THAT IS THEIR NEWS.

  • valgal2342

    How will they depict Rand Paul's hair?

    • Negropolis

      Hopefully, they'll depict it as a ball of vipers. Either that, or a badly cooked kettle of spaghetti.

  • Ok, my first impressions – WTF? Seriously, Ava looks like she has Parkinsons. She's is drawn looking like a middle eastern man in drag but she/he has a black woman's voice. The cadence of her speech is good though. She speaks like she is trying to educate a classroom full of slow 5 year olds which is about right for the Teabagger audience she/he's aimed at.


  • SaintRond

    They gave her a black lady's voice, speaking in a fashion as though her audience were made up of three year olds. And what's with the continuous movement of her pelvis? She looks like she really, really has to pee.

  • Tundra Grifter

    How did they manage to shoot that STOU "response" with a bank security camera?

  • TheMeatmaker

    Who tagged the movement disorders clinic?

  • succalina

    Ava is either trying to dance like Elaine, or has a yeast infection. Or both.

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