SHE'S BACK!  9:51 am January 27, 2011

Defeated Nutbar Sharron Angle Obviously Considering Presidential Bid

by Ken Layne

It seems like only three months ago that Nevada nutbar Sharron Angle was handily defeated by dull Democrat Harry Reid, but Sharron Angle remembers this moment just like it was last November. She remembers, and she knows America remembers, too. She knows that in her loss, what really happened is that all of America stood weeping in salute of Our Flag, with a shotgun, and said to themselves, “Sharron Angle, we would totally vote for you if you were running against a negro.”

Honestly, Sharron Angle in Iowa? And honestly, a reporter and editor writing this story and putting it in a newspaper and on the Internet as if this was a potentially true thing, that Sharron Angle — someone so crazy that she couldn’t even beat Harry Reid, in Nevada, in 2010 — thinks it’s an “option” that she could run for president? Can we please skip straight ahead to 2013?

“I’ll just say I have lots of options for the future, and I’m investigating all my options,” Angle said before a couple hundred people sat down to watch the premiere of “The Genesis Code,” a $5 million film that aims to present a controversial view on religious freedom and on the balancing act between faith and science.

Angle, who nearly beat Senate Majority leader Harry Reid in last year’s highly contested Senate race, promoted the movie as “family values” entertainment.

Oh god. [Des Moines Register]

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CalamityJames January 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

Your attention please:


That is all.

horsedreamer_1 January 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

I'll wait to see the Vivid version of this movie (The Genesis Choad).

BaldarTFlagass January 27, 2011 at 9:55 am

I avoid "family values" entertainment as assiduously as I avoid "family dining" restaurants.

Terry January 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

Oh please please please please let her run.

Maybe Christine O'Donnell, too.

krazyvladimir January 27, 2011 at 10:28 am

Don't forget Bachman and what's her name from WWF

Terry January 27, 2011 at 10:58 am

And the Northstar grifter, too.

The Iowa GOP primary is on track to be a full blown freakshow.

Lascauxcaveman January 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm

A Ladies-Night freakshow, it seems. Howcome all the Teatarded frontrunners are all from the fairer sex?

(I'm discounting that Herman Cain fellow, since he has proven something of a success in business, and therefore can't really be considered a complete whackadoodle.)

Terry January 27, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Because guys find crazy women inexplicably attractive.

mog253 January 27, 2011 at 12:20 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, not the witch again, I can't take it. I'll be in the crowd with a bucket of water!

SorosBot January 27, 2011 at 9:57 am

Des Moines Register, 50%-44% may not be a blowout , but it's a big enough margin that to say Angle "nearly beat" Reid is simply untrue.

Lascauxcaveman January 27, 2011 at 1:07 pm

"Nearly beat" = scored higher in a Rasmussen poll some months before election day, apparently.

Maman January 27, 2011 at 9:58 am

Remember when losers were ashamed of themselves?

HedonismBot January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

I saw Christine O'Donnell being interviewed about the SOTU speech yesterday because, uh, her opinion… matters?
Defeat only makes these people stronger. We should've elected Palin in 2008. Her term would be halfway over, and she would've quit by now.

baconzgood January 27, 2011 at 10:26 am

You're right they are like that guy in the Hercules story who got stronger when he was knocked to earth….I forget whathizface's name.

Bento January 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Antaeus. When knocked down, his strength was restored by his mother, Gaia, the earth-goddess. Hercules defeated him by lifting him up and bear-hugging his ribcage apart.
There. Now I can say my classics education contributed to a political discussion. Totally worth it.

elviouslyqueer January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

Better yet, remember when losers graciously accepted their defeat, crawled back into their hole, and were never heard from again? And yes, I'm glaring at you, Snowbilly.

undeterredbyreality January 27, 2011 at 10:52 am

It's pretty hard to "graciously" accept defeat when the concept of grace has been redefined to mean "I'm saved and you're not, so STFU, loser!"

(pronounced ess-tee-eff–ewe)

GOPCrusher January 27, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Oh, I don't know. Bob Dole went on to a rewarding career, shilling boner pills.

MoeDeLawn January 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

Speaking of losing, has there ever been a sorer WINNER than a Rethuglikkkan?

justkillmenow January 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm

This is what happened when we started giving out ribbons for participation instead of just trophies to actual winners. Fucking whiny kids…

Negropolis January 28, 2011 at 2:12 am

Yep, right before the "Everybody Wins!/Everbody Gets a (Equally Large) Trophy!" culture took over.

Barbara_i January 27, 2011 at 9:58 am

Am I the only one NOT running for President in 2012? I am hoping that Soros picks me as their Veep candidate.

OneDollarJuana January 27, 2011 at 11:09 am

I'm not running. It's bad for you. Messes up your ankles and knees. I'm rowing for President.

Lascauxcaveman January 27, 2011 at 1:12 pm

And I'll be biking for president. By which I mean I'll be biking for exercise, if it ever stops raining here again. Seriously, I'm like, 15 lbs over what I usually weigh in August. I hate this. Nobody wants a puffy president; not after the example Hopey as set for us.

trampndirtdown January 27, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Too bad for Hucks then.

HedonismBot January 27, 2011 at 10:00 am

At one time, I was jealous of Iowa for hosting all the presidential candidates. That ended when I realized they have to host all the presidential candidates.

Callyson January 27, 2011 at 11:57 am

To paraphrase an old saying…
Poor Iowa. So far from the ocean, so close to the presidential candidates…

Weenus299 January 27, 2011 at 10:01 am

I think she said the President is near.

ttommyunger January 27, 2011 at 11:08 am

But she has NOTHING to whip out.

Oblios_Cap January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.

angryclownspawn January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

Holy shit. Somebody just needs to get raptured up already.

mog253 January 27, 2011 at 12:21 pm

May 21st! I'm having a Left Behind party on May 22 to go out and grab all the good stuff they left behind!

JustPixelz January 27, 2011 at 12:27 pm

I'm in. I can bring nachos and cheese, unless my holier-than-thou neighbor is actually just regular holy and Stays Here.

mog253 January 27, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Oh, there'll be plenty of stuff left behind here in the red donut hole of a blue state in DE. Cars, houses, etc. I'll miss them. Not.

angryclownspawn January 27, 2011 at 6:49 pm

I want to come! I can bring salsa!

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

She just wants to be on the same stage as The Sarah when they have those crazy debates.

That and you know, the $$$$.

Allmighty_Manos January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

Uh-oh, with Bachmann also potentially in the running, we're looking at a potential split in the uber-paranoid freak wing of the GOP, letting a boring nobody like Mike Pence to sneak on through. We need the freak-show vote united to gurantee a laugh-a-minute 2012 election campaign.

Lascauxcaveman January 27, 2011 at 1:19 pm

With as many candidates we're hearing from, this could be the first Iowa primary/caucus/whatever where the Republican victor has a single-digit vote percentage.

9% Bachman
8% Palin
1% Pawlenty
8% Cain
4% Santorum
7% Angle
6% Tancredo
3% Lizard People*
5% O'Donnell
4% Spence
4% Keyes
6% Barr
8% Thompson
6% Cheney, Liz
3% Cheney, Dick* (deceased)


and so on…

el_donaldo January 27, 2011 at 10:03 am

Ha! Let it not be said that in the dark last days of our republic that we lacked something to laugh about.

baconzgood January 27, 2011 at 10:04 am

HOORAY FOR CRAZY!!!!! I don't think I can go for a marathon snark like THAT if she throws her hat into the ring.

harry_palmer January 27, 2011 at 10:05 am

Last night a vial went missing from Utah, and now something vile has escaped from Nevada.

jim89048 January 27, 2011 at 1:32 pm

We tried to keep her contained, but she's America's problem now.

SorosBot January 27, 2011 at 10:06 am

I like how the description of the movie promoting belief in fairy tales says it deals with "religious discrimination against Christians", something that does not exist in America; but of course dipshit Christians (not all, just the dipshit ones) like to complain about it whenever they are prevented from discriminating against non-Christians.

While everyone knows Fred Thompson's a dumbass, and I didn't know Ernest Borgnine was still alive, I was very disappointed to see Lance Henriksen is in this; et tu, Bishop?

GregComlish January 27, 2011 at 10:25 am

Yeah, I saw a film like this before. They illustrated systematic prejudice against Christians by going to Marilyn Manson concerts and then asking nose-pierced gothic teens their opinion about traditional Christian values in a snotty, condescending tone. This technique got them a lot of quality footage of angry teen mobs telling them that Christ can go fuck himself. They juxtaposed this footage with racist statements and images from Bull Conner's Birmingham, AL.

genxr January 27, 2011 at 11:49 am

Bull Conner was a notorious liberal, known for repressing white Christians. Just ask Sarah Michele Angle!

revmod January 27, 2011 at 10:29 am

Actors can't all pick their projects all the time. Michael York's Omega Code work doesn't make me like Basil Exposition any less.

undeterredbyreality January 27, 2011 at 10:57 am

The possessive investment in christness.

ttommyunger January 27, 2011 at 11:12 am

Eyes like piss-holes in the snow and a totally disfigured face can only get you so far in Showbiz; ask Gary Bussy.

Lascauxcaveman January 27, 2011 at 1:34 pm

But no Kirk Cameron? He's so dreamy.

user-of-owls January 27, 2011 at 10:06 am

I have lots of options for the future

"When asked whether these options included a presidential run or were just the same old pork belly futures that she's always prattling on about, Angle looked at the reporter with wide eyes and mouth agape for several minutes."

genxr January 27, 2011 at 11:50 am

"…and then quickly ran away through the parking lot."

horsedreamer_1 January 27, 2011 at 10:09 am

Would an Angle Presidential primary run be any less formidable than Duncan Hunter's run in '08, or Alan Keyes (multiple times), Tom Tancredo, Elizabeth Dole ('00), or Dan Quayle ('96)?

I say let her have her fun. Maybe she'll even mosh for Michael Moore (a la Keyes in '00, who netted the coveted Awful Truth endorsement).

walstib January 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

Is that her fluffer to the right? Ewwwwwww…

You folks owe me a bagel.

freakishlywrong January 27, 2011 at 10:12 am

Good fucking Christ. Which Constitushional amendment will remedy this gorgon from getting any undeserved media attention? She sure as fuck wouldn't talk to them when she WAS RUNNING FOR OFFICE.

SaintRond January 27, 2011 at 11:01 am

My response to this creature is so physically visceral, I knew she looked familiar. I thought maybe she was subconsciously reminding me of some nightmare I had when I was a small child. I didn't realize I was recognizing her on a genetic level – she is a fucking Gorgon.

genxr January 27, 2011 at 11:52 am

Alone she may be a Gorgon, but she can transform into Sarah Michele Angle, the three headed beast which guards the River WTF.

philpjfry January 27, 2011 at 10:13 am

I am reminded of a Gary Treadu quote at a college graduation "The best way to go out in the world is under sedation."

ManchuCandidate January 27, 2011 at 10:16 am

I say let the retard run. That way so that most folks outside of Nevada can hate her, too.

hollywooddood January 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

But Sharron Angle doesn't give teabaggers boners like Sarah does, amirite?

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 27, 2011 at 10:32 am

Sharron's teeth come out at night, if you know what I'm getting at.

jim89048 January 27, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Like that old Homer and Jethro song:
♪♪Her teeth are like the stars above
because they come out every night…♪♪

ttommyunger January 27, 2011 at 11:14 am

Teabaggers don't get boners, they're lucky to get a traveller; you know, one that's hard except for that middle inch.

littlebigdaddy January 27, 2011 at 11:36 am

What they can't get their socialist Obamrcare to pay for their cialis–just those scooters?

ttommyunger January 27, 2011 at 11:58 am

Actually, the VA does provide it, with a copay; but drugs can only do so much. Morbidly obese diabetics with heart disease are just a bridge too far, I'm afraid.

doxastic January 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

Between the Christofascist yesterday, and Sharron Angle's dogged refusal to acknowledge what the general public thinks of her, I'm starting to think that right-wingers believe a "representative democracy" means "representative of the way I imagine the world to be."

ManchuCandidate January 27, 2011 at 10:23 am

Considering that
1) Most right wingers have a serious authoritarian streak
2) Many aren't smart
3) Many have serious arrested emotional development issues aka little kids in fat person trackpants

I'm not shocked

donner_froh January 27, 2011 at 10:24 am

Nixon lost his run for the presidency, lost his bid for governor of California and flamed out in a spectacular (for the time) "You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore".

And then spent the next six years trying to get people to take him seriously again. Nixon was a red-baiting slimeball, a paranoid schizophrenic whose personality crumbled as his second term spun out of control and a cowardly vindictive bastard.

But even he knew that when you lose you eat some shit for a while before trying a comeback.

Angle and the rest are more fucked up than Richard Nixon.

Chet Kincaid January 27, 2011 at 11:07 am

And according to Rachel Maddow last night, Nixon, Reagan and especially Eisenhower were far, far to the left of today's Republican Party. She quoted some stuff that Ike said in a SOTU that would have gotten him shot today.

Ducksworthy January 27, 2011 at 10:24 am

Family Values=Buttsecks amirite?

Ruhe January 27, 2011 at 10:53 am

Well, certainly if you're the wife of a Republican congressman you have to value your family very highly to tolerate your husbands habit of buttsecksing strangers and pages.

baconzgood January 27, 2011 at 10:29 am

Apply for the job as editor. I'll lie as a reference!

Mumbletypeg January 27, 2011 at 10:31 am

It's the dawning of a new age of empowerment for conservative women, in the America of their dreams.
In the America of their dreams,
Sarah Palin wins the Presidency via Popularity Contest;
whereas Michele Bachmann wins by scoring the most youtube hits,
while Sharron Angle, edges out the others by her charm and extra special outspoken-ness! So what if she's a bit behind the loop after the other gals? Ruth Gordon *rawked* in her role as a senior granny-type intimidating the bad guys with her shotgun, so diminutive she stood eye-to-eye with Clint Eastwood's belly button. I'd vote for Ruth Gordon for first she-President, easy.

Hordes of conservative women who let their men run the show all these generations — if only they'd known how darned simple it really is.

Buckminster January 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

I's gonna rent me a tuxedo so I can look as impotent as this movie!

metamarcisf January 27, 2011 at 10:38 am

The Genesis Code is an impotent movie. It's stars such stars as Fred Dalton Thompson (?!) and 1954 Academy Award winner Ernest Borgnine ("McHale's Navy"). It has been endorsed by Focus on the Family, the Dove Foundation and the Human Fund.

ttommyunger January 27, 2011 at 11:15 am

Impotent, indeed!

mavenmaven January 27, 2011 at 10:39 am

It is important to reference Kelsey Sanders' other film: Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust (2008). I think I'm in love.

genxr January 27, 2011 at 11:57 am

That movie is brutal. They just kept biting of small pieces for 3 hours. There was frosting everywhere.

Beowoof January 27, 2011 at 10:44 am

I am pretty sure she has the mentally disabled right wing gun nut vote all locked up.

mourningnmerica January 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Or at least a third of it. You forgot the other two triplets.

EleanorG January 27, 2011 at 10:54 am

We Iowans are in for a shit storm of stupid this primary season.

aguacatero January 27, 2011 at 11:53 am

Thank god you have Steve King to strengthen your immune systems.

mourningnmerica January 27, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I just hope that Iowans, seeing sisters three on the stage together, don't think that it is time to reload, get them in the crosshairs and resort to second amendment remedies. Because that would be wrong.

trampndirtdown January 27, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Iowans may jusy think someone is putting on MacBeth.

GOPCrusher January 27, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Almost enough to make me renew my subscription to the Des Moines Register. Almost.
I feel sorry for Rehka Basu.

EleanorG January 27, 2011 at 1:57 pm

The reason to read the Register, besides Basu, is new columnist John Deeth:

SaintRond January 27, 2011 at 10:59 am

That unspeakable simian creature makes my stomach hurt every time I look at her. Maybe the most repellent and vile fucking human being I've ever laid eyes on. She's so blatantly fucking atrocious in every single department, it's hard to believe that even the Republican "base," was able to embrace her. This shit is the stuff of nightmares. The horror. The horror. The fucking horror.

Jukesgrrl January 27, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Who is this "she" you speak of? This description could apply to so many Tea-women.

SaintRond January 27, 2011 at 11:33 pm

They're all dreadful, they all make one experience a sinking feeling in their stomach, like one feels hearing the laughter of a schizophrenic. But Sharon Angle takes the prize for awfulness. She truly is a Gorgon.

SayItWithWookies January 27, 2011 at 11:01 am

Oh great — now how is Trig gonna know who to vote for?

LiveToServeYa January 27, 2011 at 11:01 am

I'd advise her to consider 5th amendment solutions. And take it.

ttommyunger January 27, 2011 at 11:18 am

The Press softballs her because they know if they can help her along she will sell their goods for them. If you are in the NewsBiz, you know that disasters are good for business. She is a fucking disaster a minute and does not begin to know it; but the press does.

notreelyhelping January 27, 2011 at 11:34 am

And then, at the first debate, they were all eaten by Mike Huckabee. The end.

nounverb911 January 27, 2011 at 11:34 am

Maybe Sue Lowden will run on the "Chicken in every pot" ticket.

aguacatero January 27, 2011 at 11:44 am

Perhaps she's banking on a differently composed electorate, post-Dugway?

teebob2000 January 27, 2011 at 11:55 am
MinAgain January 27, 2011 at 11:47 am

That's the beauty of America. Any nutjob can run for President.

teebob2000 January 27, 2011 at 11:53 am

I am for this.

genxr January 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Has nobody built a Chuck Grassley Tweet Translator yet? You can tweet in Klingon, it can be done!

genxr January 27, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Here's my translation:

Iowns strtld by big Nrg.

Callyson January 27, 2011 at 12:09 pm

“I’ll just say I have lots of options for the future, and I’m investigating all my options,” Angle said
OK then…let's add some options to her list:
1. Go run a chicken farm with what's-her-name
2. Write a book, commentate brainlessly on FOX, yell on the radio, rinse, repeat
3. Begin a new life as a music industry executive and promote the punk bands Second Amendment Remedies, Lemon Situation Into Lemonade, and A Little More Asian.

PeaceWithHonor January 27, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Palin to Bachman to Angle. That's the perfect trifecta of crazy. And Santorum can be their little bro.

mog253 January 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm

She's looking for a Cabinet position – Education????

JustPixelz January 27, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Fox aims for Repubican viewers, MSNBC for Demoncrats, and CNN is after the TP'ers. My guess is Angle will be their next 8pm (ET) show: "Sharonn's Showdown" where she gives challengers her trademark Second Amendment Remedy™, in HD where available.

SmutBoffin January 27, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Authorities told Fox News that there were no people in the area at the time the book was found, and no arrests have been made in connection with it.

No arrests, eh? For what? Littering?

hagajim January 27, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Born in U.S. – Check
Older than 35 – Double Check
Completely batshit retarded crazy!!! Triple Check

I guess I must run to save the country. I hope this idiot, Bachmann and Palin all run….it would be the biggest comedy of errors in the history of the world.

Manhattan123 January 27, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Please Baby Jesus, please let Angle, Palin and Bachmann get in the GOP primary. Please.

trampndirtdown January 27, 2011 at 9:49 pm

I'm terribly sorry but I seem to have inadvertently thumbed you down, my sincere apology, and it won't happen again.

lulzmonger January 27, 2011 at 4:02 pm


problemwithcaring January 27, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Keep that crazy shit in Nevada. Places with stricter incest laws won't look as kindly on your shtick.

trampndirtdown January 27, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Please let Sharon run,and please let her go on Hannity and raise 7million more crazy bucks. the olds can deplete their warchests on these nutbags, leaving only billions from corporate sponsors for the mainline candidates.

Negropolis January 28, 2011 at 2:17 am

If O'Donnell and Angle and Palin and Bachmann and DeMint…can take down the Republican Party with them, perhaps, the Democrats can afford to suck for another decade and still win when we need to.

This, my friends, is American Exceptionalism. We don't discriminiate. No matter how shrill and crazy and prideful and incompetent and hateful and delusional and retarded and crazy-eyed and detached from reality you are. America Fuck Yeah! America fuck yeah, indeed.

mog253 January 28, 2011 at 8:53 am

so far we're going to have to loot the booze, but that's okay, my evangelical neighbors love to drink and tell dirty jokes when they're not in church or picketing the local Planned Parenthood office.

angryclownspawn January 28, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Well, I would swing by the inlaws place after they get raptured and pick up their liquor, but they quit drinking already so I don't even have that refuge when I visit.

mog253 January 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Similar to the Mormons, I keep a year's supply of Belvedere. They keep food. heh.

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