it's morning in america

Sarah Palin Emerges From Hole, Sees Her Shadow, Says ‘WTF’

  • It's too early in the morning for your freakin' word salad nonsense, Palin.Have you been very worried about Alaska’s exurban fame monster Sarah Palin? Don’t worry! She crawled out of her winter den and saw her reflection in Greta Van Susteren’s plastic jaw, so this means we’ll have six thousand years of nuclear winter once Palin winds up becoming president (of the Breakaway Republic of Wasilla) in 2012. What did Palin think of Barack Obama’s popular centrist State of the Union speech? It’s impossible to tell, based on the words falling so loosely from her lips, but she did prove she also doesn’t know how to say the old Internet term “WTF,” which is pronounced “What the Fuck?” (She just spoke the letters, which is a blood libel against Fuck.) Oh yeah, we’ve got the video! And yeah, the Snowbilly is definitely in her “Fat Elvis” final days of narcotic confusion. [Media Matters]
  • And in the real world of actual news very far away from Sarah Palin’s teevee studio in her McMansion, the Egyptian protests are now in their third very heavy day, with the streets filled with police smashing the skulls of the youth. At least six people have been killed so far, the Egyptian stock market is collapsing as investors bet on the protesters actually toppling Mubarak, and Nobel peace prize winner/pro-democracy advocate Mohammed ElBaradei has suddenly appeared in Cairo as a potential successor to Ol’ Hosni. [CBC]
  • Did Barack Obama plagiarize something in his speech? OMG it was filled with political cliches, and other politicians have used political cliches, so YES, GUILTY, we have NOT won the future, YOU GET NOTHING. [LAT]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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    1. Not_So_Much

      If someone threw a tutu in front of Greta, she's go all 'Black Swan' on sweet, sweet Sarah whether the red light is on or not. I mean, it's not like she's ever mumbled a man into her bed.

  1. Barbara_i

    Good grief! Get control of your husband's dick before you tell the President what he needs to do, please. As a matter of fact, get all the crotches in your house in order before you start trying to rule the world from your Facebook page.

  2. Rosie_Scenario

    Here I was enjoying the break from Palin comments. A brief, refreshing pause. Like when the stench from fish microwaved in the office kitchen has finally dissipated. And now, she's back. WTF. Also.

    1. DemmeFatale

      Yes, WTF!?
      Commenting about her is a lot like feeding a troll.
      (And by troll, I mean attention-whore.)

      Sorry Ken!

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Sadly, I think my latest Windows update has unenabled my ability to view this latest Palin-Greta fapfest. I never thought I'd say this, but Way To Go, Bill Gates!

  3. LiveToServeYa

    Come on. Nobody in their right mind actually *says* W-T-F. Oh, right. Forgot. Well, ELL-OH-ELL, then.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Radioactive potatoes. The Spudnut Shop is in Richland, WA, home of the Bombers, next to the ultrapolluted nuclear wasteland of the Hanford Nuclear Reservation. Interesting how she picks an example from the "heartland" which is actually almost completely government-run, -funded, and -staffed. But then, so is Alaska.

  4. V572625694

    Oh Sarah, you effectively said "fuck." Now you're fucked w/all the christ-tards. And all your sucking up to little Gertie there won't help you now.

    And Ken, shouldn't you dateline your posts from Davos? We know you're really there.

    1. mayor_quimby

      That's what I thought, you can't just go around WTF'in like it doesn't mean fuck.
      She is gonna say it stands for Frick in spite of years of internet tradition.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Greta's a Scientologist, so sucking up to her isn't going to help with the Evangelicals, whatever the case.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    The idea that Snowbilly has the slightest idea of how the space race went with the USSR is hilarious. BTW where is she; she isn't supposed to appear without the pre-requisite fireplace and 5 American flags. Did Todd throw her out of the house & move in the masseuse?

          1. horsedreamer_1

            Only liberul shrews like Nancy Pelosi get Botox treatments!

            Sarah Palin's stunning good looks are the result of good genes, proper diet, & exercise.

    1. Not_So_Much

      Todd is borrowing Quadafi's nurse for a couple weeks — just for medical reasons. Sarah been sent to Vegas for some alone time and $1.87 all-you-can-eat deep fried food.

  6. SorosBot

    Weird, when I went to Egypt everyone said they loved Mubarak; and I'm sure that was totally their honest, true feelings and not fear of being overheard by secret police.

    1. Not_So_Much

      They were probably cool with the first few stolen elections. But when you go 30 in a row and start trying to keep up with Berlusconi, the people will start to get crabby as they gum their allotment of sand & gruel.

    2. comrad_darkness

      Stability through tyranny can be cherished above all else by a society, if the shit before it gets bad enough. Something to keep in mind as you observe the Republicans working triple overtime on making the country foaming-at-the-mouth ungovernable.

        1. Gunner Asch

          We had a friend from Siberia visiting when Yeltsen was facing the coup attempt in '91. She watched our TV reporters forwarding the fragmentary information as it became available and declared that Russian news was much better because they never showed any uncertainty in their reporting. Not surprisingly, she thought Stalin was a great man.

  7. weejee

    The SpudNutz shoppe in Richland, WA is just a few miles from the main gate to the Hanford Nuclear Reservation. Wouldja like plutonium sprinkles on your potato flour dawgnut or the special strontium-90 glaze?

  8. revmod

    "final days of narcotic confusion…"

    This. The clip seems stunningly incoherent even by the Grifter's very high standards. Spud Nutz? What? Are those testicles for my potatoes? Maybe Greta understands it, what with her getting out in the community and finding the solutions with the real Americans and what-not.

  9. SorosBot

    Meanwhile, is there anyone on the East Coast who has to work today, or is it a snow day for everybody?

  10. Ruhe

    So sorry to hear she's entering the "fat Elvis" stage. I was really looking forward to her and Bachman slugging it out, PHILF* style, in 2012.

    *political hack i'd like to @#%*. not me personally, mind you.

    1. Barrelhse

      It wouldn't be so bad, really, with Duct tape over their mouths, and plastic bags pulled tightly over their heads. Fucking them, I mean.

      1. Ruhe

        Seriously? I'm no David Denby but I'm pretty sure that what you've offered isn't so much "snark" as "sociopathy". Is that you Jared?

  11. baconzgood

    Sputnik caused Russa to co-laps? I thought Reagan single handedly shot lazer piranhas out of his fingers while singing "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk". Common Sarah stay on the talking point that the GOP agreed on.


    1. Ducksworthy

      My theory is that the history of the Soviet Union was somewhat circular. Founded by Lenin, destroyed by Lennon.

    2. genxr

      No, it was space. Just like going to the moon was America's downfall. If Neil Armstrong had just stayed home and baked potato pancakes we wouldn't be in this mess.

      Also Sputnik is Obama's code word that he wants more communist czars.

    3. JustPixelz

      Next time someone says Reagan won the Cold War, I'll tell 'em Professor Palin says Russia went into debt to launch Sputnik which caused their economic collapse 35 years later. It had nothing to do with USSR spending 15% of GDP on military and 0% on kitchen remodels.

    1. CalamityJames

      I can't understand why anyone would need to hear anything else from Ben Quayle, but if you think it'll help.

  12. Tundra Grifter

    Alvin Feltzenberg is guilty of trying to pass off cotton candy as a steak dinner.

    He takes a few words, claims that ideas were plagarized (that's impossible, by the way), annecdotes that he suggests are recycled – and now Mr. Obama is a thief?


      1. comrad_darkness

        Oh, you are saying she earned her place for once? Hm. Maybe, all right then…
        That in itself would be pretty darn newsworthy.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I realized she was going to try to compete with Minnesota Crazy-Eyes for President of Whackjobistan, but come on, are these two loons in a competition to prove just how incredibly, mind-numbingly, face-palmily stupid/ignorant they both are regarding US or world history?

      I realize they are both vindictive and malicious and have no problem lying, but in these two recent cases, I find it frighteningly possible that what is falling out of their squawk holes is the result of ignorance, not lies.

    2. OneDollarJuana

      Well, ya see, it was Sputnik that started the space race, and the arms race was for missiles in space, and the war in Afghanistan was for more space, and Reagan was a space cadet, so it's clear, Greta, that is was the Sputnik space race that brought down the USSR.

    3. imissopus

      Somebody needs to remind her that the Reagan arms buildup in the 80s, which was aimed directly at making the Soviets spend to try and keep up and led more directly to their collapse, didn't exactly do wonders for our financial solvency either. Not to mention the nine years they spent in Afghanistan during that decade.

  13. Thurman Munster IV

    Louis C.K. has a riff about the "N" word. He hates when people say the "N" word instead the n word because it make HIM think the word instead. Well, the divine Miss S has made all of us think the word "Fuck" when none of us would even conceive of doing that in polite company. Get me my salts and a fainting couch. Stupid cunt.

  14. metamarcisf

    And today it's reported that she has over $1.3 million in her political action committee. I mean, who says Americans are dumb? I mean, like who?

    1. GOPCrusher

      I'm waiting for Bible Spice to come out and say that "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" is proof that JFK was a Communist.

  15. GregComlish

    Uh oh Sarah! Better drop the pounds ASAP. The lamestream media rarely tolerates a female who isn't photogenic. Look at what happened to Ann Coulter. She's still as vicious as a snake, but even in the Obama/'Tea Party' era Coulter and her rapidly decaying face can rarely get a gig, even on Fox. In the past few years Gravity accomplished what human decency could not: silencing that unbearable shrew.

    So keep medicating yourself with food to deal with your imploding career and abysmal family. Your laughable undoing is the only reality TV that anybody wants to see you in.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      They still call her Governor, too.

      Last I heard, though, Governor wasn't the same as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, President, or military officer. It's not a life-time honourific.

  16. baconzgood

    (Sarah pointing aimlessly around the Wonkette comments page)

    Blood libel you, blood libel you, blood libel YOU, you're cool (to troll), blood libel you. I'm out!

    1. tiredalways

      Do you think she has a drinking game whenever she reads Blood libel on Wonkette? That would explain her state all the time because boy, we love that word..

      Btw Sarah, if you are reading~ Blood libel ! There, you got one more reason to drink…..Oh yeah, before I forget, Canard, Spudnutz, Refudiate, Also, too.

  17. VinnyThePooh

    Sarah was appalled by El-ahrairah's mention of the Big Bad Gubmint studying spawning Palins in his SOTU.

  18. horsedreamer_1

    If Stephen Harper is supporting the Egyptian protesters, I think I might have to join the HOSNI UP, HOSNI DOWN Mubarak fan-page on facebook.

    1. CalamityJames

      Why is this here? Hey, OneYieldRegular, this was supposed to be a response for you, but Intense Debate is all WTF,.

  19. YasserArraFeck

    Years from now, long after Griftie MacSnowshoe fades from sight (and possibly expires, vomiting blood libel into the crapper), the sad sack faithful will be making the pilgrimage to "Wasilla Graceland"….the Todd Fence….the Fox News Annex……..I don't even want to think about the Jungle Room…..

    1. jus_wonderin

      I love your vision. We have to add the spawn in too. They are there to skim some bucks from the till and admonish those who stand to close to the velvet ropes or touch the holographic image of the Palin Crown of Thorns / Halo.

  20. Weenus299

    Context please. She says "WTF". Which, to me, implies that she has gone two years completely agreeing with various lines of the President's thinking. And President Obama must've taken a break from his SOTU address and announced to congress that "We begin bombing Alaska in five minutes." That would be appropriate use of WTF. But seeing as the crotch deregulation chick has opposed every breath President Obama has taken, I don't fucking understand her surprise.

    What the FUCK?

  21. user-of-owls

    One of my friends in grad school was in industrial psychology. He told me that when food manufacturers devise the preparation instructions for their product, they use a sort of lowest common denominator benchmark. Specifically, they write instructions that can be understood by those with "Minimal ability, impaired." In other words, a retard who's drunk.

    I bet there's a new standard these days.

  22. friendlyskies

    Does the Republican plastic surgery team secretly hate them all? None of their foreheads have moved in months, and we won't even be able to tell the difference between Bachmann and Palin by November 2012.

    1. jus_wonderin

      Someone, not me, will have to resort to the smell test. Palin has a faint air, and woodsy aroma of moose turd. Bachmann smells like my Grandmother's garage.

  23. johnnymeatworth

    "blood libel against Fuck" just became the phrase I want on my tombstone. Thank you, My Wonkette. Thank you….

  24. elviouslyqueer

    Dear morans at the LA Times:

    Here's a quick primer on plagiarism. Plagiarism is the unauthorized use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work. This implies a conscious intent to deceive. You know, like Sarah Palin does every time she opens her trap, or what most of your writers do when they're on deadline and haven't yet written their story. Hope this helps.


    1. mereoblivion

      I only believe in plagiarizing myself (from myself?), and even then I put it in my own words. As long as I put the thought in my own words, I'm all for using myself as the source of my plagiarismising.

    2. problemwithcaring

      I don't even have to click the article — if the headline is some barely coherent, unreasoned attack again something the president said/did — it's an Andrew Malcolm article. His entire gig is wiriting click through dogwhistles for the immigrant-hating wingnuts.

  25. mumbly_joe

    She also seems convinced that the Russkies won the space race, and that winning the space race, (presumably no later than 1961??) is what caused the Soviet Union to collapse, nearly 30 years later. Not only is this the very picture of random, free-associated idiocy, but it even runs counter to the standard Republican creation-myth, whereby Ronald Reagan single-handedly won the Cold war, armed only with a bowie knife, supply-side tax cuts, a pack of Chesterfields, and his copious man-grit. Instead, she's crediting either Ike or Kennedy with that win.

    Point being, if Republicans had even the slimmest iota of intellectual honesty, they would regard her publicly as every bit the clownish lunatic the rest of us do.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I think that day is rapidly approaching.
      The fact that SarahPAC has only 1.3 Million in the bank, despite the fact that she is supposed to be the Second Coming of The Blessed St. Ronnie, indicates that the Republiklan Money Machine is thinking twice about throwing money down on a dead horse.

    2. lulzmonger

      if Republicans had even the slimmest iota of intellectual honesty, they would regard her publicly as every bit the clownish lunatic the rest of us do

      Evel Knievel would've had better odds of jumping the Snake River Canyon on a unicycle than the GOP has of jumping that "if."

  26. Ancient_Hackery

    Bible Spice obviously hasn't read any book on the space race.

    A few points for ya, B.S.:

    * The US could have launched a satellite years before the USSR, but Eisenhower (a Republican, the old sensible kind), thought it would be tacky to do so on top of an ICBM.
    So he firmly and repeatedly ordered Von Braun and friends to NOT work on that angle. So much so, he sent a personal watchdog to check every ICBM test launch to make sure it was just sending up Florida sand in its top stage, not some homebrewed satellite.

    * The Russians did manage to get up a satellite, but using very impractical technology ( a rocket with 24 separate rocket engines! ). That line of development was an expensive dead end, and they soon stopped trying to get things into orbit using that mess.

    So while the Sovs did get a satellite up there first, it was very much a Phyrric victory (look it up, BS ).

  27. mavenmaven

    We don't need a space program. What we need is an old bakery. Because when the citizens are in turmoil about the economy, well, let them eat cake.

  28. caged_wisdom

    Wow. She can't even keep her talking points straight. Way to throw Reagen under the bus. Didn't Ronnie save the world?

  29. SenileAgitation

    In her eagerness to dismiss anything Obamer says, the Wag of Wasilla seems to think "Hmm, Sputnik, why do we want a Communist moment? No, thanks, bub! What we need is a doughnut shop or potato shack to lead the way. Get it? Not Sputnik, Spudnutz! Gotcha, O'Bama! You don't get to the moon by relying on the Government, but by letting the People prosper in their pursuits. The answer to our current position in relation to the rest of the world is simply generations of hardworking doughnut shop workers!" Sheesh, Sarah, you sound a little pleased with yourself, and rightly so! That is a memorable zinger that your followers can and should take up as a rallying cry. If there's one thing this country doesn't need, it's to compete in a global economy where ideas might come in handy!

  30. DustBowlBlues

    The what the fuck moment is this: Donuts? We'll solve all our problems if we have more donut shops? This bitch really does hate the First Lady's healthy eating campaign, doens't she? And I thought her shitty looks were just Ken's photoshopping to make her look that bad. Nope. She looked shitty, all on her own.

    Anyone remember back in the olden days when Greta Van was somewhat admired by normal people, then got the eye slit operation to look Asian (speaking of WTF–what the fuck was that about?) and switched from CNN to Faux News, catching a rising star before it hit the heights of media superstardom?

    (And if I hear one more reference on the Stillwater NPR station about the basketball plane crash ten years ago, I'm turning off the radio. Ten people dead, that's sad accident. But the 168 people who were assassinated in OKC because they were federal employees don't get this much attention). (Said on the wonket because I wouldn't dare say that outside these four walls, and even my cat is glaring at me).

  31. notreelyhelping

    So…uh…in other words: she didn't know what he was talking about, doesn't know shit about history, and says America needs more doughnut shops. Got it. Sounds like presidential material to me, by golly. Everybody at bingo night just loves her! She is so, so cute! And patriotic!

  32. Serfville

    Whale & reindeer blubber is 99% fat AND her God Todd(yes she did say exactly that on TeeVee), her God Todd is slamming some prosti with the last name Tripp. Oh the irony. And that kid in the sexy undies messed up her seamless run for Armageddon 2012. All these things would make a snowbilly grifter hefty. Dear Sarah, why don't you kill a salad with a high powered rifle, & knock some of that high blubber diet fat of ya. wink, wink

  33. keepem_sikanpor

    And yeah, the Snowbilly is definitely in her “Fat Elvis” final days of narcotic confusion.

    Well that is good news! If I could afford to I would send her a brand new toilet to finish out her final moments.

  34. MinAgain

    Take a breath, Sarah. Geez, it's like someone in the background is holding a stopwatch and timing the talking points.

  35. OneDollarJuana

    I'd just like to point out that it wasn't three weeks ago that everyone was saying that Snowbilly's career was over because of her contributions to the atmosphere that apparently led to the Giffords shooting. Well, she appears to be still around, and she will stay around until someone crazier comes along to take her place. She is still TV gold.

  36. genxr

    Anyone know how much she gets paid for product placement? From this video, it looks like a per-mention contract. "SpudNutz SpudNutz SpudNutz tax cuts SpudNutz communist liberals SpudNutz SpudNutz economy SpudNutz WTF SpudNutz. SpudNutz. Also."

    Anyway, our national mission is clear. Innovate less, eat more!

  37. Serfville

    According to the NE: "SHAILEY TRIPP, had an affair with Todd Palin that lead (sic) to her arrest March of 2010,"
    It is illegal in Alaska to have sex with God Todd Palin?
    Did he really know this chicks last name? Holy Irony! Enquiring minds want to know!

  38. Buckminster

    Even more incoherrant than usual. Thanks, Wonkette, I felt my IQ drop by 20 points after watching that dumbass woman's twaddle.

  39. Asa_Hawks

    I could only listen to it for thirty seconds. Is she TRYING to be that inarticulate? Could this all be performance art?

  40. Wilcoxyz

    Is this kind of dumbing down of achievement a populism win or fail?

    Launching a satellite = failure, because it's expensive.

    America needs donuts.

    In her defense, JFK fought the Cold War with a speech on donuts.

  41. ginrevolution

    This can all easily be traced back to Laika, the time-traveling dog-droid/reincarnate of Sarah Palin.

    1. LetUsBray

      Hey, she did NOT drop out. She withdrew on medical grounds; being freaked out by being around Asians is some sort of condition or other, isn't it?

  42. problemwithcaring

    Thiiiiiiis Biiiiiiiiiitch. Since when did you become self-titled Spokescunt for the American Heartland!? Sarah, you moosefucker, you are from Alaska – the coldest most desolate, dumbest and ass backwards place in the Western Hemisphere. What the fuck could you and your uneducated, rude, and uncultured tribe of yokels know about the American Heartland?

    Hey, you Quitbilly dumb ass — want to know what is the American Heartland?

    It is Cleveland, Ohio (NASA's John H. Glenn Research Center at Lewis Field, )
    It in Greenbelt, Maryland (NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center)
    It is Hampton, Virginia (NASA's Langley Research Center)
    It is El Segundo, CA (Edwards Air Force Base)
    It is Bay St. Louis, Mississippi (John C. Stennis Space Center)
    It is Huntsville, Alabama (Marshall Space Flight Center)
    It is Houston, Texas (Johnson Space Center)
    And it is Florida (Kennedy Space Center),

    among many other places, employing many Americans with good paying jobs, so shut the fuck up you useless, ignorant, dried-up, whorish, old fucking bitch.

  43. BarackMyWorld

    I finally watched this latest edition of "Sarah Palin: One Woman Blooper Reel" and, whaddaya know, I am introduced to a form of donut I've yet to encounter. Hooray.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Fuck yeah, Spudnuts! I've been loyal to my weight watchers diet for a few days now, and I started craving donuts so badly that I could hardly take time to think about how shitty she looked. Will her fan base stick with her if she doesn't bother with her makeup and has stringy hair? Better think it through, bitch, if you can think that deeply.

  44. transfatz

    The logic is similar to Reagan's star wars gambit :
    The US will re-hire hundreds of thousands of engineers like me to do feasibility studies on the possibility of eddy current testing for donut done-ness. Al Queda will realize that their donut done-ness technology is seriously out of date. The ensuing feasibility study race will bankrupt Al Queda which will break up, with many of its outlying operations deciding to join NATO…

  45. Maryonparoo

    Thank you Lord! I have found my people! I just found this website and this article. I belong. There are people out there who think Sarah is a nutcase! Hallelujah!!

  46. JustPixelz

    Yes, there is such a masseuse — Shailey Tripp. Oddly her last name is the same is Palin's grandson's first name. Small world, eh?

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