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Look, sooner or later, the evangelical Christians were going to lose out on this democracy thing. There’s just not enough of them for their views to supersede the desired liberties of the majority. If they want to hold on to power, they’re going to have to return to their roots by supporting a new dictatorship. And the man with the pencil will be just the one to do it.

Obviously, we which all voters were informed. And by informed, we mean they’ve read the Christ’s List slate of endorsements and will vote as they are told. These are what we call “smart voters.” As for the voters who don’t give a “hoot” when you want them to? These are what we call “owls.”

Smart voters, if they are heterosexual, do not care about being able to have a heterosexual relationship. “If it’s best for society to ban straight sex and only allow sex with robots who have been sprayed with holy water, that is how I will vote.” Wanting to have sex with a member of the opposite sex is mere adolescent self-absorption.

(What does “S.T.B.” stand for? “Stalin Ticonderoga Bro”?) [Videogum]

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