If you every have picked up a copy of that dumb U.S. News ranking of schools and looked at the list, you have likely been surprised that something called “Washington University in St. Louis” is considered among the very best. Yes, that sounds like the name of one of those fake schools that steal government money by pressuring poor people into student loans that will never be paid; apparently, it is not. But is it a coincidence the two top stories on this student newspaper’s website are “Tuition tops $40,000″ and “Bristol Palin to speak during Sex Week”? Nope. It costs a lot of money to bring a teenage mother to campus to speak for a half hour about not boning people. Or at least it does for one teen mom.
Certainly a university full of very smart people probably has never heard that sticking a penis in a vagina can lead to a baby. And the obvious solution is to get a teenage mother to speak about this, because she has seen it first hand. But there probably are a quite a few teen mothers in the St. Louis area who would be willing to sit on a panel about this for twenty bucks. Or even for free! Yet:
Student Union Treasury on Tuesday approved a $20,000 appeal by the Student Health Advisory Committee (SHAC) to sponsor a four-person panel featuring Palin. The appeal was initially set at $25,000 and renegotiated.
SHAC would not release the exact amount charged for Palin’s appearance. According to ABC News, Palin charges $15,000 to $30,000 for each appearance on the speakers’ circuit.
Somewhere on campus, one of the thirty-five quidditch teams is disbanding from a lack of funds. AND YET.
Of course, the student organization bringing Palin in defends the choice:
“I understand that people are not going to be happy—this will probably be protested. We really just want to start dialogue and the fact that we’re bringing in a balanced panel should be taken into account,” Elman said. “We’re not just bringing in Bristol Palin, we’re bringing her in with three or four other educated people.”
See, they’re bringing educated people to this university too! But, you know, the educated people will make tens of thousands of dollars less than Bristol Palin will. [Student Life]
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I think I'm officially over this country.
I promise, you've never been more under it.
How many signs of the apocalypse are there? Surely, this is the final one. I used to have to do peyote to experience this sort of reality…..
In related news Todd is going to Thailand for a week.
Apparently, they are too thin for his tastes – how about Mongolia?
To give a speech on marriage fidelity?
So she'll take those elite college-boy dicks out of her mouth long enough to get a sentence or two out? Successful trip, that.
Speaking of Tripp…who the hell is taking care of Trig's brother?
Don't bring Tripp into this.
So just burning the money wasn't an option?
They wanted to get something for it….wait, I see what you mean.
This panel won't actually be balanced until it includes Trig.
Never go full retard.
They're not bringing her mom.
Why would anyone want someone to give a speech to them who has less of an education than they do? It seems to me that if they made it to this college without giving birth, they are already 10 steps ahead of her, duh! "Now that I've heard Brisdull speak in my senior year of college, I have pledged not to become pregnant in ninth grade, thanks Brisdull!"
It'll be sort of like getting dental advice from a hair stylist who has no teeth.
Like having the guy that drives his Mom's Nash telling you how to soup up your rod.
"Nash"? Really? We had a Rambler station wagon, with a push-button transmission. Oh, the mammaries… I mean memories! Error understandable in context of Bristol thread.
From the article, "The panel will also include representatives from the Catholic Student Center, Missouri Right to Life, and Planned Parenthood"
So that would be one other educated person, and three woman-hating shits who want the government to tell you who and how you can fuck. Oh, learn some math, Student Union; 3-1 is not "balanced".
Better panel would include experts on Cetacean migration, dance therapy for the mentally challenged and Gosselinometrics.
St Louis, you see, is the most Catholic Third-World city in US America. The Vatican stores their backup gay pr0n collection there, they have a Jesuit madrassa, and all the kids play soccer.
you're doing the math wrong. When you (rightly) count Bristol as -1 then it all adds up.
Why not get Levi? He could go to all the frat houses, tell'em "use the condom, guys; otherwise, it's 30 minutes of pleasure, 30 years of child support payments!"
30 minutes??!! (whistles admiringly)
29 minutes of waiting for Todd to leave the room and 1 minute of screwing.
I know the consequences of not following abstinence and what not. . .goodnight!
Where's my money bitches?
It may interest you smart guys to know that the Washington University in St. Louis cagers are currently ranked in the top five. They have a big game against the University of Phoenix this weekend with the winner favored for a high seed in the NCAA tournament. So, piss on you, Jack
They have the best dental hygenist program in the country, not to mention their highly coveted certificate in private investigation.
OMG! I have a degree in Dental Hygiene, LOL. Thanks! *sigh*
They also offer an advanced degree in, er, Bank Tellering ?!
You get to make meth in Inorganic Chemistry lab.
I should have known something was up when the teacher handed out required lab materials and they included red devil lye and 20 boxes of strike-anywhere matches.
But they're not as elite as San Diego State University, which has an undefeated mens' basketball team. That's elite! Plus parties like you wouldn't believe, unless you were unfortunate enough to live anywhere near the "campus" of this "institution of higher learning."
V, that's where my husband got his first college degree. His dad lives in La Jolla.
Which (La Jolla) is where I'm sitting (and drinking, natch) as I write.
Raymond Chandler gives you a little wave with a gloved hand.
"Sex Week"? Why didn't they have that when I was in college?
Well, at least chemistry was a lot easier to learn when the Period Table of the Elements, because the only things in it were earth, air fire and water.
When I was in college every week was sex week. But that was a long time ago. What did we know.
Bristol will, in fact, lecture on the Periodic Table. The Periodic Table tells you when it's OK to do it without a rubber, and still not get a baby.
Sex week? Shoot, it was sex five years when I was in school. And tuition was only $70 per quarter, full load. Of course, this was in the good old California days when our politicians' heads weren't too far up their asses from Reaganomics. Man, those were the days! We had keggers in the dorm cafeteria, drugs were cheap and plentiful, and there was even a hooker on the second floor. She finally did get kicked out, though, when she complained about the food.
UCSB? Home of the Goleta Student Slumland?
Cal State Hayward (now East Bay). And I had so much "fun" there, I had to go to Michigan to get a wife.
$70 for a full load? That hooker was a bargain.
OK if the symposium title is Exploiting Your Children: Grifting as a Family Enterprise.
Actually, I think Bristol is a terrific choice for this thing called "Sex Week".
Better than for Dance Week.
She'd be perfect for Dance Weak, though.
I guess Shark Week is already spoken for.
So is Skank Week
But for Jump The Shark Week, she'd fit right in.
Sex? Weak!
Next week will focus on how to give a speach on television. Michelle Bachmann will be paid $40,000.00 to give her thoughts.
Next week will focus on how to give a speach on television. Michelle Bachmann will be paid $40,000.00 to
givesign her thoughts.fixed
Next week will focus on how to give a speach on television. Michelle Bachmann will be paid $40,000.00 to sign her retarded lies.
Fixed fixed.
As long as everyone's in a fixin' mood, how about "speech"?
Naaaah, I wear my ignorance proudly. Like Michelle Bachmann
It makes me crazy, but I can't begrudge her seizing the opportunity. Given her life experience, obviously she's going to open whichever hole pays the best–her word hole for now. Somebody has to foot the bill for that 3' Graffix she has tucked away under baby Trogg's crib, you know.
Too true. I don't blame her – if someone is stupid enough to pay her thousands of dollars to speak, why shouldn't she?
If you're in college & you need Bristol to tell you how NOT to get pregnant, I shudder for the future of this country.
Washington U in St Louis?
I knew that skule by it's original name: Wassamatta U.
I noticed that the website is called studlife. I can only imagine the sad looks on the faces of gays and douchebag "The Situation" wannabes.
I had it confused with LePetomaine University…
St. Louis changed its name from Frostbite Falls after Sputnik.
We really just want to start dialogue and the fact that we’re bringing in a balanced panel should be taken into account,” Elman said. “We’re not just bringing in Bristol Palin, we’re bringing her in with three or four other educated people.”
Are we all not realizing the subtle dig here? Her idiocy/uselessness will balance out the panel.
She's not actually a speaker for Sex Week, more a cautionary display.
They could have used a posterboard, and it would have been way cheaper.
"My dad sleeps with whores, I'm a was a teenaged mother who's lover left because my mother forced him away. I was jiggling my ass on a dance show, I have no plans to do anything and if it wasn't for the coat-tails of some fame starved bitch I'd be on wellfare……Any questions?"
Maybe she's like a worst case senerio that they want to show these kids. You know a "this could happen to you" sort of deal.
Do you think someone will have the nuts to ask her if it is true that her father is a skank pronger?
Well Todd did fuck Sarah, so the jury's in on that one.
OOOH!!!!!
P.S. Thanks for the set up.
zing!
How can I book her to talk to my kids? Should save an educational trip to the nearest hi-max security pen, and explaining to them about not bending down to pick up the soap in the showers…..
Just take them to the grocery store and point to her picture on the cover of the National Enquirer and ask, "Is this want you want to be?
Scared Gay
Twenty thousand dollars would buy a lot of condoms.
And abortions…
I wonder how many donations the college just lost because they spent money booking Palin. Forest and trees, people. Figure out which is more important.
log me bitch
Make fun all you want, but she has a degree from the School of Hard Knocking.
Het degree is actually from the School of Boot Knocks.
Wait. The School of Hard Cocks.
In college, every week is sex week.
Except this week. A panel with Bristol, the Catholic League, and the MO R2L sounds like the biggest boner killer ever. Have you seen the cows who work at MO R2L?
I hope the Planned Parenthood chick is at least hot.
"may ye who HASN'T sinned cast the first stone" not may ye who HAS…..Oh TO HELL WITH IT! Enjoy St. Louis Bristol.
Bristol is going to "win the future" with 7 years in junior college and an Associate's Degree in General Studies.
It worked out pretty well for her mom.
When you say that, I start humming Hail to the Chief.
Everything Bristol Palin knows about abstinence could be stuffed in the reservoir tip of a Trojan with enough room left over to create 100,000 special-needs snowflake babies. And while her audience won't leave the room any smarter, they will all wish they had never been born, which is a step in the right direction.
And in related news, a Phoenix radio station has offered the Younger Grifter a job as a radio host. Because of her talent.
Don't be bitter – just picture Bristol when she's forty and forgotten and see if it doesn't bring a smile to your face.
At that point she'll be ready for the 2030 version of "Celebrity Rehab".
Well I guess blowing the station manager is a "talent".
Meh, she has a face for radio.
Bristol will share her vast wealth of knowledge on the following topics:
1. Justin Bieber – hot or not?
2. DWTS totally screwed me over.
3. If you don't like my mom then up yours – you commie bastard.
4. I didn't get no high falutin' college dee-gree and yet you idjits are paying me cash money to talk to you. Who's the loser now? Huh? HUH? ANSWER ME!!!
Ugh. I am a few years older than this "Bristol Palin" entity, I completed high school in four years and a Bachelor's degree from a considerably better school than "Washington University at St. Louis" in another four, never knocked up a lady because I have been, with one or two exceptions, responsible about contraceptives and also, just by coincidence, have never owned "$15,000-30,000" at one time, in my entire lifetime, let alone for a two hour speaking engagement that I wasn't qualified to give in the first place.
And people wonder why I'm minimally theistic these days.
Wash U is a pretty good school- unless something has happened to it in 5 years. They must be rolling in money to do this or this is some stupid joke.
unless you went to Harvard, Yale or Princeton I sincerely doubt that you went to a "considerably better" school than Washington University in St. Louis, and even then, HYP aren't considerably better. Wash U has one of the most respected medical schools in the nation, a tier 1 law school, and its undergraduate university is ranked in the top 13 in the nation. of course based on the only publicity it gets, you wouldn't be able to tell that.
I can't do it anymore. Bristol has officially jumped the snark.
All Hail the Abstinence Queen!
No no, she's the "Champion of Abstinence." See, it says so right here:
No no, that would be the "Champion of Abstinence." See? Sez so right here:
.
And damn you, IntenseDebate, for eating my previous comment.
Wait, is there an echo in here?
The only echo is in her massive kasloppis. "hello, hello, hello!"
If that sentence, had appeared in a novel written 20 years ago, the reviewers wold have dismissed it as unbelievable.
In Canada, universities have "Reading Week" in February. I definitely should have gone to an American university.
Bristol speaking at reading week would have the same irony.
No, I think she has real quals for SEX Week..
USA! USA! USA!11
Next week: Bristol Palin to give live demonstration for Oral Sex Week at Oral Roberts University.
"Speaking" fees: $100 a shot.
With co-instructors Orel Hersheiser and Steve Sax
Provide a link, please.
Link or where to make the reservation?
I can only hope they're bringing her in for the same reason I can only hope CNN had for playing Michele Bachmann's SOTU response: so we can make fun of the clueless fuck.
Don't most colleges have "Sex Week" otherwise known as fraternity/sorority rush or have I been misinformed?
My college had "Class Week", the rest of the year was dedicated to sex and other drugs.
My memory is hazy, but I think that's how it went.
Well I went to an all women's college so one usually had to wait until the weekend to partake of sex, alcohol, and drugs.
Bristol Palin: Star Parker with a Melanin Deficiency.
& like Star Parker, this bastard-spewing corporate-welfare queen will be disgorging her bile upon us for decades.
Last year, the average price of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner was $43.47. Why doesn't Wash U just buy one of those dinners for Sex Week and use its constituent elements as pedagogical tools?
–Butter Ball Turkey's little plastic pop-up "doneness" indicator: this is a male boner.
–Soft fluffy mound of mashed potatoes with a little trench that's oozing 'gravy': this is a female boner.
–The sweetened cranberry sauce that's bright red and not bitter: the girl's period that signals she 'got lucky' again this time
Please make out the check for $19,956.53 to User-Of-Owls. Thank you.
The qualifier "other" seems sadly out of place.
I too found that troubling.
No, the sentence is just mis-punctuated: She be on the panel with three or four other, educated, people – that's how it should read.
remember a REAL Presidential Debate: 11 October 1992
The Harvard of the Midwest
Washington University '81
Too bad Washington University couldn't find it in their hearts to pay some of its unemployed alumni students $20,000 to return to campus and tell everyone "fuckin' is bad." Maybe their alums could have paid some student loan debt with that cash. I guess their alums should have dropped out of school if they wanted some financial love from their alma mater.
Must be some new version of a pig party.
Sigh.
I thought they'd get her to speak at Duke during Sex Week because it would be "ironic".
Then I realized they don't have sex at Duke – just PowerPoint.
They don't have consensual sex at Duke.
Hard call: Which is the bigger famewhore…
Relax guys. She is going to talk about sexy dancing and she knows a lot about that. She almost won a national dance contest.
And in celebration of Public Service Week, George Bush will be paid to give a lecture on competent government.
Is she speaking for or against sex? *Good* sex, I mean.
Quit blood libeling Wash U. They tried to book Carrot Top and Gallagher after Larry the Cable Guy cancelled at the last minute, so really, what options were left?
Jeff Dunham and his racist puppets?
"Sex Week"??? Bristol needs to be a part of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. And by that, I mean jump into a pool full of starving sharks.
***The Department of Homeland Security has issued a SALMON alert in response to reported assaults on p-scores in major snark hubs within the United States. Citizens are encouraged to report any suspicious fists to authorities. Violators may be ticketed and towed.***
***REPEAT: The Department of Homeland Security has issued a SALMON alert…
If I'm a student paying $40,000 a year, I want some primo Spitzer whore diamond hookers on campus during Sex Week, not that second hand white trash from Wasilla.
Talk about poor money management. They could have hired a professional sex worker for a fraction of the price. And she'd be able to teach a lab, too.
"The appeal was initially set at $25,000 and renegotiated."
Worst negotiator ever. $20K for Brisket is hardly a deal.
St. Louis University in Washington, or whatever it's called, is ranked #13 in the US News rankings. Which proves that, once you get past Harvard/Yale/Princeton in their rankings, they are pretty goddam useless.
Stop being elitist.
This is just what happens when voter apathy sets in. Some douchebag in the student government decided to follow his teabagging heart and get Bristol on campus. I'm sure whoever is behind this decision aspires to being the next James O'Keefe.
Probably have large chapter of young douchebags oops I meant young republicans to which this half-wit hoofer would appeal.
It's got one of the best medical schools in the country; top five, I believe.
Washington U. in St. Louis ranks 6th in admissions selectivity:
http://news.wustl.edu/news/Pages/11108.aspx
“We’re not just bringing in Bristol Palin, we’re bringing her in with three or four other educated people.”
If they're as educated as Palin, then St. Louis is about to have a whole bunch of college students doin' it in the ear…
Aural sex? Auricular sex?
They probably ought to make sure they don't put little Brissy on the end of the panel table – because if they do her fat ass will surely throw everything out of balance. Remember WU in St. Lou. students….heavyweights in the middle. But here is the real news (sorry for fapping the link) http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-20029627-10...
If only Pima Community College had thought of this first…
Bristol needs to learn rejection. Since she is
whoring aroundswanning about places of higher ed perhaps she should consider publishing. The Journal of Universal Rejection would appear to be just the place for this budding scholar.Fuck! If I'd known about this outlet, my tenure application would have been much less strenuous. Still, it does seem ideal for the promotion to Full. Thanks Dean Weedge!
So this is the 4th reason I won't donate to one of my alma maters. The other 3: Phyllis Schlafly (an honorary degree, no less!); Alberto Gonzales, and (omg) Karl Rove. A once-great university goes to dust!!
Twenty grand, plus they'll throw in a pearl necklace or two.
OMFG. I have had it. I am going to go get pregnant. Oh, wait…I am male.
Can I still do the whoring part??????????
Oh, a balanced panel. So you have a narcissistic high school drop out who was too dumb to use birth control and got preggers on the one hand and to balance that out you're going to have who? Some one sane would be a guess, but who in their right mind would be in any way associated with the Palins?
yea, because she is "experienced". I suppose making all the mistakes is experience of a sort.
Same reason blogs blog about the Palins, 'clicks'! Everyone slows down for a car wreck, dont they?
This is bullshit.
My friend goes to WUSL in the PhD program, who has plied himself with hundreds of thousands in debt in the hopes that his biology degree will net him an admirable body of cancer-research work and a job keeping him and his also-PhD girlfriend floating in the top 25 percent. He's turned down several weddings because of money reasons. When he gives hour-long lectures, he gets hectored by 40-year professionals about the flaws in his logic and nary a dime. And he's not a bad dancer to boot.
It's not going over well.
I would dearly love to earn a PhD in Biology from Wash U. Your friend can take comfort in the fact that those who know a damn thing about well respected institutes of science will be impressed with his credentials.
But if he wanted to make money, research is not the best option.
Is it just me or are the only people who give a shit about these dumb U.S. News rankings exactly the kind of people whose main goal in getting into these institutions is making themselves rich? Medical and law students, for the most part, it seems.
Whatever happened to doing something you love to do because you love to do it? Or because you want to, I dunno, help people or something suitably pie-in-the-sky?
A panel of experts is not a clown car.
"Sex, Weak".
I'll give a scholarship to any student who asks Bristol during the panel session if saddlebacking — or "anal" in the conservative nomenclature – is a good way to avoid pregnancy.
There are actual universities in Missouri??
I hope Karen Owen will be invited to present an alternative point of view.
It's just a Palin for President money laundering scandal in the making. You'll see. We'll be making snarky comments on this to-be-revealed story during S. Palin's second term. Oops.
Is the panel wrestling with how to get a burrito out of an aquarium?
Wait! A young single mother, who left HIGH SCHOOL to have her child – later earning a GED, good on her – is going to 1) speak at a COLLEGE and 2) talk about the abstinence only family planning method? Even though she has never attended a university and, well. . . the abstinent thing didn't work out as planned. What is even the point of having her on the panel? To hold her up as a failure of the odious horseshit she peddles?
Never mind the complete mindfuck her poor kid is gonna endure once he's old enough to realize that shortly after he was born mom launched a lucrative PR career based on telling people what a mistake it was to engage in the act that created him without a proper government license. Jesus Christ! I wish hope and a good therapist on her child.
She just paid cash for a house, so she's tapped.
I'm not a graduate of this fine institution, but if I were, I would want my fucking money back.
i'm sure it's been said but i was being looking for a job to complement my two degrees from the university of chicago. anyway:
please please make these people Go Away.
This is totally fucked unless it's an elaborate prank, set up so 1000 students can get her in an auditorium just to heckle and mock her lowlife ass, I'm waiting for the youtube video of a crowd of students screaming "I wouldn't fuck you with Levi's dick!"
This article is extremely misleading and unnecessarily spiteful of a top-ranked school.
We sometimes invite "flashy" people like Alberto Gonzales, Phyllis Schlafly, B. Palin., and even Ron Jeremy (!). However, each semester, we invite 50+ speakers spanning almost every discipline. Just last semester, we had people like Nicolas Kristof (women's rights), Colette Avital (Israel-Palestine), Jonathan Zimmerman (sex education), and Mia Farrow (African civil unrest). The series of speakers presents a valuable form of education refreshingly different from classroom learning. Specifically, I believe B. Palin's presence will increase the visibility of "Sex Week" and help ensure freshman coming from Texas practice safe sex (no offense to Texas).
Yes, tuition is over $40,000/year. Many schools have been hurt by the recession – our endowment shrunk by a third in 2009. However, a rather amazing scholarship drive (Opening Doors to the Future) has resulted in 70 million dollars in aid per YEAR. It's not perfect and paying for college is always a strain, but to call us "elitist" is misguided.
Will she bring her kid? Or has she abandoned it with Levi back Wasilla? Maybe Todd's favorite hooker is also baby-sitting?
Too bad William Burroughs is dead, or they could get him to talk about "stay away from drugs!"
Words of Advice for Young People: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgLcv1mQZBg
Is it Thanksgiving already?
And coach the archery team.
Also from the Lou.
Jared Loughner is next on the schedule to speak about gun control.
Then John Boehner on "Avoiding Skin Cancer".
Somehow it seems appropriate to rename the organization Student Health Advisory Group (SHAG).
Also, dear students, we're upping your tuition again. You know, we can only do so much with a dollar these days.
Maybe it's just me but if you say "we’re bringing her in with three or four other educated people" shouldn't the non-other be educated?
"Don't do what I did, get a college education if you can and set yourself up for careers before you dump your unwanted kid on your mom…"
"That's what we're doing you stoopid effing trollop!"
"That'll be $40,000 please. Where the lacrosse players at?"
Do you find it at all ironic that while mocking "fake schools" you've been running ads for for-profit schools for the past few weeks?
You wrote some amazing stuff in your post about the University of Phoenix. Those places are money pits, and you really did a nice send-up. Then you trashed up Wonkette with advertisements for the same people that you just bashed. Even worse, you did the whole "disguise it so it almost looks like a column" shit. I know you've got to make your money somewhere, but for fuck's sake, this isn't even a close call, is it?
Hey hey, does Wonkette come to your office and slap the cocks out of your mouth while you're working?
Excerpt from Bristol's lecture:
…also, don't let them bang, screw, bone, drill, pork, pump, dick, ream and hump you. Furthermore you shouldn't ride, blow, suck…
I'm a WashU student and I would just like to say most students are against this. The poll shows that 90% of the student body is against it and there have been many bipartisan protests planned. This has united the College Dems and College Republicans on campus in protest.
Unfortunately, the people we elected to student government were apparently not very competent, and the university, long ago out of fears of censorship, made it so they don't really have control over what the Student Union does. This decision does not represent the student body or the administration. It is only a single day in a week celebrating safe sex, something you won't see at many schools. We are currently trying to bring it up to a vote by the entire student body, which should guarantee its failure.
I'm a WashU student and I would just like to say most students are against this. The poll shows that 90% of the student body is against it and there have been many bipartisan protests planned. This has united the College Dems and College Republicans on campus in protest.
Goddamn it, we had segregated dorms, these people have SEX WEEK?!
We also have co-ed rooms if you want them.
Washington University in St. Louis is the sixth most selective college in the nation (based on test scores). Surely their Student Union could have found a more qualified speaker on campus. Then again, in 2008, Wash. U. in St. Louis hosted a debate between intellectual heavyweights Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. Now, it’s Bristol’s turn to “entertain” the student body.
Washington University in St. Louis is the sixth most selective college in the nation (based on test scores). Surely their Student Union could have found a more qualified speaker on campus. Then again, in 2008, Wash. U. hosted a debate between intellectual heavyweights Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. Now, it’s Bristol’s turn to enlighten the student body.
Fabulous: A blog mocking the education of Washington University students, St. Louis, and the entire country, and it contains a grammatical error in the first three words. You just can't make this stuff up!!!
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