American Public Says the State of Our Union Is ‘Salmon’

  spoken like a true mama grizzly

Finally our conflicting values reach common ground.
Last night, do-gooding public broadcaster NPR asked the American people to describe last night’s State of the Union Address in a few words. America’s overwhelming response: “Salmon.”

So if you look at this graphic they made, the mean response to the query is “Salmon inspiring education.” That is pretty close to what Obama was saying, right? We should look to our country’s salmon for inspiration, as they have a more stable society and economic system than the humans who live here?

When broken down by party, there are some divergences. Some Democrats offered the helpful word “Obama,” and Republicans tended to use the words “blah” and “bullshit” and “rah.” Both Republicans and independents focused to some extent on the word “smoked.” But people overwhelmingly agreed across party lines that this speech was about salmon.

So this is how Obama must govern this divided from now on: salmon. Hey, he said it. GOVERN THROUGH THE SALMON, FISH MAN. [NPR via Daily Intel]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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135 comments

      1. not that Dewey

        "It gets more complicated when it's smoked" is the new "it's a terrible thing to waste one's mind".

    1. LiveToServeYa

      People meant to type 'Sputnik' but misspelled it as 'Salmon'. Bad schools. Needs more space teachers.

  1. user-of-owls

    I was thinking more along the lines of "puce," but I can see how centrists might prefer "salmon."

    1. x111e7thst

      Your rejection of "mauve" might lead some to accuse you of being a "parvenu" or at least an "enfant terrible".

    1. PsycWench

      Ooooohhhhhh, when I heard about smoking salmon I wondered how they roll joints without fingers. I guess no one minds if the joint gets all slimy, so there's that.

  2. SmutBoffin

    I used science machines, like on the TV, to enlarge and enhance that little word in the back.

    It says 'pubes'.

    1. Sophist [APPLAUSE]

      Did you do it during a montage, while The Who played in the background? Because as I understand it that is how science is done.

  3. DashboardBuddha

    A few years ago I went to a "comedy" improv show. One of the players called out to the audience for an emotion they could riff on. The first person to shout out said "moist".

    Moist – it seems our country has crossed the event horizon of the irretrievably stupid black hole.

    1. CapeClod

      I was in an improv show once. We asked the audience for an adverb. The response we got was "Purplely."

        1. DoktorZoom

          If life had any justice, Sir Terry would live to be 120 and Michele Bachmann would be the one with early onset Alzheimer's.

          And again, I take some comfort from hoping that, somewhere in the Multiverse, that is actually the case. Sadly, we seem to live in a universe designed by "Bloody Stupid" Johnson.

          1. DashboardBuddha

            Amen, DZ…amen. I just happen to be reading Witches Abroad (for the zilllionth time). I got a chuckle thinking about Bachman trying to explain her positions to Granny Weatherwax.

  4. lefty74

    Salmon stinks. Ever try to keep your blue dog from rolling in something that really smells baaaaaad? They just cant help it. They got to roll like a penticostal.

  5. freakishlywrong

    WHERE ARE JERBS? Stunning how when Republicans actually become responsible for governing, their annoying, Luntzian, repetitive memes go flying down the memory hole.

  6. hagajim

    Salmon….that's about right. The future of the nation is full of lead, arsenic and mercury and pretty soon we won't be able to eat more than once a month…yeah I think Salmon is about right.

  7. SorosBot

    So the future of America is a long, grueling swim upstream, during which many of us will be caught and eaten by bears and Alaskans, until we finally reach our destination, engage in an orgy, have babies then die? Sounds about right.

  8. DoktorZoom

    Today we are all migratory fish.

    (EDIT: Protip: if you have no earthly idea what else to say, you can always go with "Today we are all…" It has been proven that doing so is good news for John McCain)

    1. not that Dewey

      Unless it's been more than FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES since someone else made the same comment.

      Buttseks.

  9. CalamityJames

    I just looked a little closer and discovered that "American" was also used. Really? What fucking idiot would think of "America" when listening to the US Pres. give the SOTU to the Congress, military leaders, a portion of the SCOTUS, the American press and American people? I think they were just making Palin-dromes for the fuck of it.

    1. natoslug

      Obviously they made the whole thing up. I don't see Kenyan, Usurper or Bird Certificate anywhere in there.

  10. V572625694

    These "word clouds" are more or less the opposite of what a news organization should do with an important event like the SOTU. Instead of helping you understand what was presented, they just strip the words of meaning. Helpful!

  11. GregComlish

    Nice work Salmon!

    Got to hand it to 'em. I wouldn't have expected the Salmon folks to outbid the oil industry or 'clean coal', but they definitely got first billing in last night's speech. You win this round, Fish. Let's see if you're still laughing when all the mercury from those 'clean coal' folks gets sent your way.

  12. american__mutt

    I remember when facebook was some stupid web service any college kid with some funds and a computer could've put together in 2004. Now it's been mentioned in the state of the union. Bollucks!

  13. widestanceroman

    So morbidly obese America hears that speech and remembers the edible item. Anyone recall the Far Side cartoon of what is said to dog vs. what dog hears (blah, blah, blah, Ginger, blah, blah, blah, Ginger, blah, blah)?

  14. LiveToServeYa

    SALMON Inspiring hopeful future education innovation, optimistic inspirational hope jobs, with big bipartisan together: see ANALYSIS

  15. LionelHutzEsq

    Doesn't this just prove that America was hungry when they were watching/answering the polls?

    Or was it just a reaction to mixing Boehner Orange with Bachmann Jaundice Yellow? That sort of gets your a salmon color, right?

  16. DashboardBuddha

    Wasn't there some kind of "you know you're gay if" thing where if you identified the words salmon, sage, and peach as colors instead of food? Was Hopey sending a shout out to the gheys?

  17. Ruhe

    Sure America said Salmon but what if what they really meant was "Obama reminds me of that Sal Bass guy." Think about it.

  18. chascates

    Simple free association:
    Salmon = dead fish = stench = tea party = government train wreck

    Salmon is the metaphor for our political woes. Man, I'm so sick of hearing about all that salmon.

  19. Winnie_Cooper

    Maybe my boyfriend's TV has terrible color, but I am assuming that this was in response to the color of Boehner tie. Now everyone is obsessed with salmon. The color salmon is pervading American politics. It's the Manchurian Necktie!

    EDIT: Having googled photos, the tie looks pretty damn pink. Indeed, the TV that I was watching it on just plain sucks. My already-terrible jokes are further ruined.

  20. Come here a minute

    I thought he was about to go Forrest Gump on salmon … Anyway, like I was sayin', salmon is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, salmon-kabobs, salmon creole, salmon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple salmon, lemon salmon, coconut salmon, pepper salmon, salmon soup, salmon stew, salmon salad, salmon and potatoes, salmon burger, salmon sandwich. That- that's about it.

  21. jus_wonderin

    How far behind the times am I that I didn't know what a word cloud was/is????? And don't go telling me they replaced Bakelite with some fancy, schmancy, futuristic polymer. Don't do it!!

  22. citizenkitteh

    Honestly, the most mysterious part of the SOTU was when POTUS got a big laugh over "And I hear it gets even more complicated once (salmon are) smoked". Probably some arcane inside-the-beltway corridors-of-power private joke. If you don't get it, you're a commoner.

  23. lulzmonger

    Word-clouds are to political analysis what the appendix is to human anatomy.
    Obama's just keeping the tradition* alive.
    ————————-
    * Dubya, eleven years earlier: "I know the human being & fish can coexist peacefully."

  24. PublicLuxury

    The 'Mericans' think that we are swimming upstream and will be eaten by a hungy bear. Ok. Sounds like a plan.

  25. Negropolis

    American Public Says the State of Our Union Is ‘Salmon’

    Hell, that makes about as much sense as everything else in recent America politics. The State of Our Union is Salmon, indeed.

  26. Negropolis

    BTW, you know who else has a fondness for talking about salmon and our wildlife and nature and things of that such that make this U.S. America the most exceptionalist God-blessed nation in the world for which the terrorists hate us for our freedom? Hengh?

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