SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE MAMA GRIZZLY  11:25 am January 26, 2011

American Public Says the State of Our Union Is ‘Salmon’

by Jack Stuef

Finally our conflicting values reach common ground.
Last night, do-gooding public broadcaster NPR asked the American people to describe last night’s State of the Union Address in a few words. America’s overwhelming response: “Salmon.”

So if you look at this graphic they made, the mean response to the query is “Salmon inspiring education.” That is pretty close to what Obama was saying, right? We should look to our country’s salmon for inspiration, as they have a more stable society and economic system than the humans who live here?

When broken down by party, there are some divergences. Some Democrats offered the helpful word “Obama,” and Republicans tended to use the words “blah” and “bullshit” and “rah.” Both Republicans and independents focused to some extent on the word “smoked.” But people overwhelmingly agreed across party lines that this speech was about salmon.

So this is how Obama must govern this divided from now on: salmon. Hey, he said it. GOVERN THROUGH THE SALMON, FISH MAN. [NPR via Daily Intel]

 

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{ 135 comments }

Not_So_Much January 26, 2011 at 11:29 am

Is our children learning?

elviouslyqueer January 26, 2011 at 11:38 am

No no. The new mantra is "Is our children smoking salmon?" GET WITH THE PROGRAM.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

Is our salmon smoking?

not that Dewey January 26, 2011 at 9:19 pm

"It gets more complicated when it's smoked" is the new "it's a terrible thing to waste one's mind".

kenlayisalive January 26, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Is are children spawning?

OneDollarJuana January 26, 2011 at 12:28 pm

They are in Alaska, along with the salmon.

CalamityJames January 26, 2011 at 11:30 am

On the plus side, "Sputnik" seems to have tied with "things."

LiveToServeYa January 26, 2011 at 11:38 am

People meant to type 'Sputnik' but misspelled it as 'Salmon'. Bad schools. Needs more space teachers.

genxr January 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

When anyone mentions Sputnik, I immediately think of the 2,000 mile long salmon that is currently in orbit around Jupiter, so this doesn't surprise me at all.
http://books.google.com/books?id=DpIwyu_ZW9AC&amp

LiveToServeYa January 26, 2011 at 11:31 am

Orange, pole-smoked salmon. It's the pole-smoking orangeness. BLAH-BLAH-BULLSHIT-RAH!

PocketsTheClown January 26, 2011 at 11:32 am

WTF AMERICA COME ON

user-of-owls January 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

I was thinking more along the lines of "puce," but I can see how centrists might prefer "salmon."

x111e7thst January 26, 2011 at 11:41 am

Your rejection of "mauve" might lead some to accuse you of being a "parvenu" or at least an "enfant terrible".

user-of-owls January 26, 2011 at 11:47 am

Au contraire! Some have suggested that my comment is "non pareil."

Sophist [APPLAUSE] January 26, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Sacré bleu!

V572625694 January 26, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Colorist pig!

user-of-owls January 26, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Hey, at least I didn't go with my original impression: Indian Red.

Crank_Tango January 26, 2011 at 11:43 am

puce, pute, quoi-ever.

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:46 am

Puce is so elitist and socialist et francais.

weejee January 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

Out here in C'Addle we like to smoke our salmon. They are kinda hard to light, but once it gets a goin' wooo weeee.

LiveToServeYa January 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

At least they're not full of nicotine and tar like the Gulf of Mexico salmon.

PsycWench January 26, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Ooooohhhhhh, when I heard about smoking salmon I wondered how they roll joints without fingers. I guess no one minds if the joint gets all slimy, so there's that.

CrankyLttlCamperette January 26, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Where did you find papers big enough?

weejee January 26, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Seriously EZ-Widers.

horsedreamer_1 January 26, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Marihuana-stuffed salmon: for the gourmand with a medical pot script.

SmutBoffin January 26, 2011 at 11:33 am

I used science machines, like on the TV, to enlarge and enhance that little word in the back.

It says 'pubes'.

elviouslyqueer January 26, 2011 at 11:41 am

Well, that proves that at least one American watched Shelley's speechifying.

Sophist [APPLAUSE] January 26, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Did you do it during a montage, while The Who played in the background? Because as I understand it that is how science is done.

SorosBot January 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Did Christine O'Donnel give her own Youtube response too?

OneDollarJuana January 26, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Except she was looking down the whole time.

James Michael Curley January 26, 2011 at 12:44 pm

That's how the word 'pubes' got in. Or maybe Clarence Thomas.

DashboardBuddha January 26, 2011 at 11:35 am

A few years ago I went to a "comedy" improv show. One of the players called out to the audience for an emotion they could riff on. The first person to shout out said "moist".

Moist – it seems our country has crossed the event horizon of the irretrievably stupid black hole.

CapeClod January 26, 2011 at 11:42 am

I was in an improv show once. We asked the audience for an adverb. The response we got was "Purplely."

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:50 am

Ha, what a wise-ass. Purplely.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 11:58 am

Moist von Lipwig, banker and postmaster, would beg to differ.

BerkeleyBear January 26, 2011 at 12:11 pm

By the Great A'Tuan, that one spun me widdershins across the Sto Lat Plains.

DashboardBuddha January 26, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Up fists for you and BerkelyBear PLUS I will follow my fellow Pratchettphiles anywhere.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

If life had any justice, Sir Terry would live to be 120 and Michele Bachmann would be the one with early onset Alzheimer's.

And again, I take some comfort from hoping that, somewhere in the Multiverse, that is actually the case. Sadly, we seem to live in a universe designed by "Bloody Stupid" Johnson.

DashboardBuddha January 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Amen, DZ…amen. I just happen to be reading Witches Abroad (for the zilllionth time). I got a chuckle thinking about Bachman trying to explain her positions to Granny Weatherwax.

WriteyWriterton January 27, 2011 at 11:47 am

I had a brief e-mail exchange with TP's agent once. You may worship me.

lefty74 January 26, 2011 at 11:36 am

Salmon stinks. Ever try to keep your blue dog from rolling in something that really smells baaaaaad? They just cant help it. They got to roll like a penticostal.

CapeClod January 26, 2011 at 11:37 am

I was so hoping that it was going to be "Belgium Waffles".

HolyMaracas January 26, 2011 at 11:37 am

I was surprised to see the word "Jobs" thrown in the mix.

freakishlywrong January 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

WHERE ARE JERBS? Stunning how when Republicans actually become responsible for governing, their annoying, Luntzian, repetitive memes go flying down the memory hole.

Oblios_Cap January 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

There's something fishy going on, that's for sure!

hagajim January 26, 2011 at 11:39 am

Salmon….that's about right. The future of the nation is full of lead, arsenic and mercury and pretty soon we won't be able to eat more than once a month…yeah I think Salmon is about right.

OneDollarJuana January 26, 2011 at 11:40 am

That graphic would look better in comic sans.

Janinthepan January 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

They did a comic sans-esque font for the independents comic sans word box http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/3040589/State_Of_

fuflans January 26, 2011 at 11:41 am

big bipartisan sounds vaguely dirty.

GortRay January 26, 2011 at 11:41 am

Are "hopeful hope jobs" some new sex thing the kids are doing?

Smitros January 26, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Don't even want to know what a "salmon job" is.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm

See also "Wasilla Broiler"

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:52 am

Which is under the category of "Twice-Baked Alaska".

NorthStarSpanx January 26, 2011 at 11:42 am

Make that good, clean, thirsty Wild Alaska Salmon not going with the flow.

Crank_Tango January 26, 2011 at 11:42 am

Smells like fish, but is good for you, so eat it. Sounds like pussy to me.

prommie January 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Nah, pussy sounds like when you are trying to pull your foot out of the mud.

donner_froh January 26, 2011 at 11:44 am

Salmon Brothers? They were bought by Citibank years ago. The must have meant Lehman Brothers…

nounverb911 January 26, 2011 at 11:44 am

I usually go to Zabar's for my salmon.

prommie January 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

I usually go to Zabars for abuse, but every now and then, I get an argument, too.

SorosBot January 26, 2011 at 11:45 am

So the future of America is a long, grueling swim upstream, during which many of us will be caught and eaten by bears and Alaskans, until we finally reach our destination, engage in an orgy, have babies then die? Sounds about right.

kenlayisalive January 26, 2011 at 12:17 pm

All of that, without the orgy and babies, probably. When we reach our destination, we'll be smoked and served on Mark Zuckerberg's yacht.

LionelHutzEsq January 26, 2011 at 12:22 pm

But we at least get to have sex, right?

el_donaldo January 26, 2011 at 11:47 am

I'll have the salmon, with the arugula salad to start.

genxr January 26, 2011 at 11:48 am

When anyone mentions Sputnik, I immediately think of the 2,000 mile long salmon that is currently in orbit around Jupiter, so this doesn't surprise me at all.
http://books.google.com/books?id=DpIwyu_ZW9AC&amp

SayItWithWookies January 26, 2011 at 11:50 am

How come "centrist" is all the way over on the right? Oh, wait — got it.

starfanglednut January 26, 2011 at 8:52 pm

I'd give that more thumbs up if I could. You, sir or madam, are extremely clever.

SudsMcKenzie January 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

Ask not, what these Salmon can do for you ….

magic_titty January 26, 2011 at 11:54 am

Strange, considering most Americans respond to the word BURGERSANDFRIESWITCHEESE.

not that Dewey January 26, 2011 at 9:24 pm

But not most NPR listeners. They respond to the word "muslimgarb".

user-of-owls January 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

Our current state of affairs would seem a whole lot less "Sputnik" and a whole lot more "Laika."

Sharkey January 26, 2011 at 11:56 am

As in, Rushdie?

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 11:59 am

Today we are all migratory fish.

(EDIT: Protip: if you have no earthly idea what else to say, you can always go with "Today we are all…" It has been proven that doing so is good news for John McCain)

snoopyfan2010 January 26, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Or you could always ask "You know who else…..?"

UW8316154 January 26, 2011 at 11:02 pm

"All of them, Katie."

natoslug January 26, 2011 at 1:21 pm

TOO SOON!!!1ONE!!!

jus_wonderin January 26, 2011 at 1:29 pm

also

starfanglednut January 26, 2011 at 8:53 pm

too

user-of-owls January 26, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Frist!

WriteyWriterton January 27, 2011 at 11:49 am

An upfrist for that.

not that Dewey January 26, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Unless it's been more than FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES since someone else made the same comment.

Buttseks.

WriteyWriterton January 27, 2011 at 11:50 am

Done it.

CalamityJames January 26, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I just looked a little closer and discovered that "American" was also used. Really? What fucking idiot would think of "America" when listening to the US Pres. give the SOTU to the Congress, military leaders, a portion of the SCOTUS, the American press and American people? I think they were just making Palin-dromes for the fuck of it.

James Michael Curley January 26, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I think they were just being Palin-drones for the fuck of it. Fixed.

natoslug January 26, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Obviously they made the whole thing up. I don't see Kenyan, Usurper or Bird Certificate anywhere in there.

Buckminster January 26, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Need more bacon.

V572625694 January 26, 2011 at 12:09 pm

These "word clouds" are more or less the opposite of what a news organization should do with an important event like the SOTU. Instead of helping you understand what was presented, they just strip the words of meaning. Helpful!

LiveToServeYa January 26, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Maybe a better term is 'word smoke', then.

lulzmonger January 26, 2011 at 4:02 pm

WordNutz™!

"More Fun, Less Content!"

GunTotingProgressive January 26, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Well, it's an obvious metaphor… Salmon swim in schools!

GregComlish January 26, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Nice work Salmon!

Got to hand it to 'em. I wouldn't have expected the Salmon folks to outbid the oil industry or 'clean coal', but they definitely got first billing in last night's speech. You win this round, Fish. Let's see if you're still laughing when all the mercury from those 'clean coal' folks gets sent your way.

caged_wisdom January 26, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Lax on tax. Mocks with lox.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Tweedle beetle bottle battle. Also, Jebus Cake, have you seen THIS?

kenlayisalive January 26, 2011 at 12:18 pm

This truly was Obama's Mohair subsidy moment.

CalamityJames January 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Wait, where's "Nigger," "Kenyun," "Muslin," or "Birf Certifficut?"

snoopyfan2010 January 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

That's on the dog whistle list.

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:55 am

It's way the fuck off to the right and written in invisible ink.

horsedreamer_1 January 27, 2011 at 10:41 am

Kenyuns? Are those like Funyuns, but made from sweet potatoes/yams?

Ramon X January 26, 2011 at 12:21 pm

They're hard to keep lit.

Oblios_Cap January 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

And it takes a Big Bambu album paper to roll the bastards up.

Boredw/Gravity January 26, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Salmon. For our salmon-hued Speaker of the House.

LiveToServeYa January 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Is nothing free of Boehner's orange taint?

sweetcommunist January 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Stop talking about Boehner's five-inch taint!

american__mutt January 26, 2011 at 12:28 pm

I remember when facebook was some stupid web service any college kid with some funds and a computer could've put together in 2004. Now it's been mentioned in the state of the union. Bollucks!

widestanceroman January 26, 2011 at 12:29 pm

So morbidly obese America hears that speech and remembers the edible item. Anyone recall the Far Side cartoon of what is said to dog vs. what dog hears (blah, blah, blah, Ginger, blah, blah, blah, Ginger, blah, blah)?

LiveToServeYa January 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm

SALMON Inspiring hopeful future education innovation, optimistic inspirational hope jobs, with big bipartisan together: see ANALYSIS

LionelHutzEsq January 26, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Doesn't this just prove that America was hungry when they were watching/answering the polls?

Or was it just a reaction to mixing Boehner Orange with Bachmann Jaundice Yellow? That sort of gets your a salmon color, right?

jim89048 January 26, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Thanks for all the fish. Too bad I'm deathly allergic.

Oblios_Cap January 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

So long!

DashboardBuddha January 26, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Wasn't there some kind of "you know you're gay if" thing where if you identified the words salmon, sage, and peach as colors instead of food? Was Hopey sending a shout out to the gheys?

Crank_Tango January 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

jeeze, combined together that way, who can think of them as food? barf.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Are you saying it was a fag-whistle?

DashboardBuddha January 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Is there such a thing?

Ruhe January 26, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Sure America said Salmon but what if what they really meant was "Obama reminds me of that Sal Bass guy." Think about it.

chascates January 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Simple free association:
Salmon = dead fish = stench = tea party = government train wreck

Salmon is the metaphor for our political woes. Man, I'm so sick of hearing about all that salmon.

Extemporanus January 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm

In the illiterate American public's defense, my autocorrect changes "seemon" to "salmon", too.

user-of-owls January 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm

That's funny. Google Translate does the same thing when I try to convert Rasta to English.

Winnie_Cooper January 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Maybe my boyfriend's TV has terrible color, but I am assuming that this was in response to the color of Boehner tie. Now everyone is obsessed with salmon. The color salmon is pervading American politics. It's the Manchurian Necktie!

EDIT: Having googled photos, the tie looks pretty damn pink. Indeed, the TV that I was watching it on just plain sucks. My already-terrible jokes are further ruined.

DoktorZoom January 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Only dead fish go with the flow

Come here a minute January 26, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I thought he was about to go Forrest Gump on salmon … Anyway, like I was sayin', salmon is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, salmon-kabobs, salmon creole, salmon gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple salmon, lemon salmon, coconut salmon, pepper salmon, salmon soup, salmon stew, salmon salad, salmon and potatoes, salmon burger, salmon sandwich. That- that's about it.

jus_wonderin January 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

It's like that Bing commercial. grin.

Redhead January 26, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Salmon is too elitist. Real Americans eat fried chicken battered in cheetoh crumbs.

jus_wonderin January 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm

How far behind the times am I that I didn't know what a word cloud was/is????? And don't go telling me they replaced Bakelite with some fancy, schmancy, futuristic polymer. Don't do it!!

teebob2000 January 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm

SALMON!!

SorosBot January 26, 2011 at 2:00 pm

T

Toomush_Infer January 26, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I can't help it – it was salmon chanted evening….just shoot me…

MinAgain January 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I'm confused. Probably because I don't get enough omega 3 fatty acids in my diet.

citizenkitteh January 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Honestly, the most mysterious part of the SOTU was when POTUS got a big laugh over "And I hear it gets even more complicated once (salmon are) smoked". Probably some arcane inside-the-beltway corridors-of-power private joke. If you don't get it, you're a commoner.

not that Dewey January 26, 2011 at 9:32 pm

The same can be said of so many substances….

lulzmonger January 26, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Word-clouds are to political analysis what the appendix is to human anatomy.
Obama's just keeping the tradition* alive.
————————-
* Dubya, eleven years earlier: "I know the human being & fish can coexist peacefully."

gurukalehuru January 26, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Don´t be slammin´ the salmon
it was a smokin´ joke

PublicLuxury January 26, 2011 at 9:19 pm

The 'Mericans' think that we are swimming upstream and will be eaten by a hungy bear. Ok. Sounds like a plan.

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:37 am

American Public Says the State of Our Union Is ‘Salmon’

Hell, that makes about as much sense as everything else in recent America politics. The State of Our Union is Salmon, indeed.

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:41 am

BTW, you know who else has a fondness for talking about salmon and our wildlife and nature and things of that such that make this U.S. America the most exceptionalist God-blessed nation in the world for which the terrorists hate us for our freedom? Hengh?

Negropolis January 27, 2011 at 12:48 am

Honestly, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

horsedreamer_1 January 27, 2011 at 10:43 am

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