It seems like just last January when we last gathered around our laptops in the night and thrilled to the current president reading something or other at this one place. And tonight, the magic will happen again! Who will win for best actress? It could be Natalie Portman and it could be whatever fat white slob yells something at Obama, from the Congress. It is sure to be an inspiring speech surrounded by even more inspirational panel discussions and spin. Please gather as much alcohol as you can possibly steal/afford — budget freeze except for anything military or torture-y! — and join us at 8:30 p.m. Eastern and 5:30 p.m. Pacific as we help you cope. Meanwhile, enjoy these pre-speech wrap-ups of the speech!
- Obama’s State of the Unions Less ‘Intelligent’ Than Bush’s
- State of the Union is better; state of Obama is strong
- Moran offers preview to Obama’s speech
- Senate GOP Leader Decries Expected Obama Spending Cut
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I'll be listening to O's words, but I'll be watching Michelle's box.
Man, I wish that I had a MalcolmXbox.
We saw win Madden NFL 2011 by any means necessary.
I say we skip the drinking game this year and go straight to drinking the Sterno from the can.
Elitist! Who can afford sterno? It's generic mouthwash over here.
When my father was a lad, real Hobos still roamed the countryside (or RR tracks, actually) and he once witnessed one of them making "squeeze" from Sterno (put the jelly stuff in a filty sock, squeeze, consume the resulting liquid – yummy!) Anyway, after said Hobo drank his squeeze, he stood up, screamed, and ran head-first into a tree, rendering himself unconscious, possibly dead. Head-treeing certainly seems more efficient and effective than repeatedly head-desking, so you may be on to something there.
A consummation devoutly to be wished.
Go for the cocktail-Sterno with Nyquil.
Do we have rules for the drinking game?
1. Every time Obama capitulates to the Republicans take a sip of beer.
2. Die of alcohol poisoning.
I would say that we should take a drink every time the camera catches Boehner tearing up, but then we'd be drunk by 2 1/2 minutes in.
We'd still probably be more sober that Boehner himself though.
I was thinking of every time the camera catches Boehner looking like he just smelled Biden fart, but the same problem results.
Seriously, if he isn't drenched in tears and can't ignore the speech entirely, how will Boehner avoid channeling his inner Joe Wilson right there on the podium?
One shot of anything (80 proof minimum) each time the camera focuses on two legislators of different parties sitting side-by-side (for unity!). We should all be dead within the first twenty minutes.
I'm guessing Miss Lindsey and Walnuts! will still be an item, party disunity be damned.
Exactly. Lindsay would have to get real sick for Mc Cain to drop him.
I thought Joementum was going to be escorting them both, one on each arm.
Every time he alludes to violent or heated rhetoric, you mug a college kid for his Four Loko.
I am just going to start drinking and not stop until Kayne West interupts Barry.
"Barack Obama hates black people."
"Yo, your speech is great, & I'ma let ye finish, but everybody knows Calvin Coolidge gave the greatest annual address of all-time. All-time!"
If the goal is to drink do not include the following rule: Drink everytime he says something liberal.
Just kidding. I love Obama. He's super liberal and progressive.
Tune to Fox for the rebuttals and chug a can of Genny Cream every time someone spouts the phrase "founding fathers"
I'm sorry to hear that you despise yourself that much. To encourage you to remain among the living, I have up-fisted you, although it looks like no amount of up-fists could save that pee-deficiency of yours.
Every time he calls for unity or bipartisanship, steal a drink from your neighbor/spouse and then loudly accuse them of stealing from you.
WIN. I am so doing this tonight.
In the post game analysis, drink everytime a republican commentator says "I think the president missed an opportunity". Drink everytime a republican congress critter, when asked about budget cuts says "line by line". Drink one shot for each founding father Bachmann mentions including Reagan.
And double shot for Jesus.
Camera shows Palin wearing a "presidential" look on her face – torch a neighbour's vehicle and sip a beer.
Don't watch the speech. Drink heavily anyway.
I do not have nearly enough liquor to watch the State of the Union this year.
And I don't mean because of drinking games.
I've taken enough cold medicine that I'm having hallucinations, so I could really do myself a mischief if I start drinking.
Oh fuck it…
I'm worried if I get too drunk, Bachmann with start making sense.
I don't think there is enough booze for that. Now, if we find you in a closet, red faced, with a belt around your neck we might have to worry.
Yeah your right, for Michele to make sense one has to be in a vegetative state.
See, I'm doing the exact opposite. I'm trying to drown the image of a naked Paul Ryan splayed out in front of me on a bearskin rug. Mmmm, bearskin…
Picture Jack Lalanne. Young one. Not old one.
As long as she doesn't get you aroused, you should still be fine.
I don't feel like clicking links, but I thought a whole bunch of morans were previewing ol' whats-is-face's speech. Which moran are they talking about?
One handily, actually, named Moran. He's a Republican so I'm assuming the name fits.
I bet bunches of people clap and stuff.
(there will be no justice in that.)
The Union is alcohol-soluble.
I dunno, I think the only thing that has kept the union together is its apparent insolubility in alcohol. Otherwise, we'd have dissolved into 50 screaming,bickering little countries long ago.
Tonight's Republican response is brought to you by Taco Bell.
Now with more antideath ingredients!
Yo quero buttsecks!
This may be the first televised State of The Union speech I don't watch. I'm just not sure I can withstand the soul crushing depression of what should have been.
I'll know I'm drunk when I see Michelle Bachmann-Obama kiss the President on the mouth. Er Michelle Obama-Bachmann. I think I'm drunk already. Ah! Life in America.
Oh no can do with you. I'll be waiting for Nightline to give a round-up of their cloud thingy.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=name&...
My faves so far (and the night isn't even here yet!!) :
Janet Walker – Surprised at all the Obama hating going on on ABC. I like it!
And: John Cowe – Ok, here is the word cloud.
Destroy, economy, retreat, submit, UN, self-imposed, sanctions, accuse, blame, conservitive, republicans, idealize, socialism, communism, print, money, lie. Oh yah, unionize, healthcare!
And this too ; also: David Wombacher @John Crowe, you forgot, apologize to foreign leaders.
It's almost like FOX but it's ABC !
It's surprising that the network whose top news anchor got her start working for Nixon might be conservative; and Disney has always been well known as a bastion of liberalism since they were founded by a Nazi sympathizer.
I'll be at a board meeting of my neighborhood association, discussing things that impact our neighborhoods adversely. These discussions lead to actions, and we have been fairly successful in holding rampant, unthinking development at bay. Unfortunately, so many of my fellow Americans are so deluded or cynical that at any level above the immediately local we seem to be fucked and my votes seem to count for naught. I'm watching Egypt right now for hints.
drink every time nancy pelosi reflexively attempts to swing an imaginary gavel.
Bonus shot if she aims it at Bohner's head.
Who will respond to Michele Bachmann, and how?
Outside my local 7-11 there's a regular drunken homeless guy begging who I think could provide a cogent rebuttal to all her points.
I volunteer to move my bowels.
$5 says Keith O will tweet re the Bachster, and via at least two of his Twitter guises.
Let's get this over with now: "You LIE!"
I will accede to Ken's demand (and my wife's edict) and watch your damnable State of The Unicorn Address. But I kind of wish I worked the night shift this week.
Ken…you ARE live-blogging Bachmann, correct? This Barry guy is going to be boring, but Bachmann brings the funny.
I'm guessing(/hoping) this year's dramatic SotU moment will be when Rahm Emanuel forcibly takes the stage and waves his genitals at the appellate court in Illinois while shouting expletives and giving them a stubby middle finger.
I just hope he's going to finally do something about the rampant use of steroids in baseball.
What about the manned mission to Mars Bush promised us a few years back?
And where are our man-animal hybrids, huh?
They are here. Just look at SorosBot or Negropolis! LOL
No, I am a robot; no man or animal (which is redundant as humans are animals, so the man-animal hybrid hysteria makes no sense).
Now if we could just get Obama on one of those Mars ships. He already makes a great Martian. I mean ears like his can't be human. I guess they could be Kenyan. Unfortunately Michelle would have to stay behind with the ships weight restrictions and all.
OK, now your trolling really makes no sense; you seem to be making a joke claiming that Michelle Obama is fat, which means you must have never seen a picture of our incredibly fit and hot First Lady.
That would be Senator Olbermann down the road a ways.
I'm hoping for some action on the upcoming NBA and NFL lockouts.
White Sox fan-in-Chief Obama will appoint Frank Thomas to beat any (suspected) steroids user within an inch of their lives.
(Seriously: Frank might be the best slugger of the last 20 years. Unjuiced. Only Bonds (w w/o juice) comes close.)
Wonkette cleverly tricked my into posting my stupid attempts at humor into Wonkabout.
So now I will simply state: FUCK ALL OF THIS SHIT.
Thank you.
~
Yes we can is the bipartisan no we can't.
Headline/alt-txt says it all.
Will the packing pachyderm Congressos have to go through metal detectors and be disarmed?
God, I hope so. Funniest thing we'll see all night.
Where is the drinking game chart?
I'm excited! I can't wait to see what the dazzling Michelle Obama is going to wear. She's like my own precious little doll, Barbie and her action figure husband, Kenyan. I hope that someone remembers their flag pin or Nanookie of the North is going to tweet about it.
Well played, madam!
I withdrew from my union (IUOE#12) back in 2007, can I still watch?
Due to the aforementioned root-canal surgery, I will just be popping some Codeine every time they show Boner dabbing his eyes .
"My fellow Americans, our country faces a host of challenges. But we will meet these challenges with my policies, resulting in a Great Leap Forward to a brighter future! I've detailed these plans in this Little Red Book that armed guards are now passing out in the House chamber…"
Oh hey, look who's back with a new name!
I would like to think it's actually the MMA fighter-turned-porn performer of same name.
In my dreams, when that fat cocksucker screeched "You lie!" like a little bitch during that other State of the Union Address, my President rolled up his sleeves and walked off that podium to kick the living shit out of the guy until he went totally fetal and started making whimpering noises like some kind of terrified little animal. But he didn't. And this is why Obama is a bit of a disappointment to me. He didn't step up when called. He didn't do what I wanted him to do. It's frustrating.
Peace… God bless…
Blarp.
Thank you for the kind invitation, Ken, but I have a previous engagement to stick my dick in a meat grinder while my ex-wife has her mitts on the handle. Gotta go!
That Mort Zuckerman Weekly Shopper piece, summarized:
http://www.powerlineblog.com/archives/assets_c/20...
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