OTHER PEOPLE WHO SNARK FOR A LIVING  2:37 pm January 24, 2011

Supreme Court Just an Institutionalized Zinger Contest

by Jack Stuef

Other ways in which Scalia is exactly like that irritating uncle of yours:

Chief Justice Roberts has a light, witty touch, while the laughter that follows a long hypothetical question from Justice Breyer can feel like an expression of relief. Justice Scalia, by contrast, will repeat jokes mercilessly, raising questions about whether he has artificially increased his laugh count.

Meanwhile, on the season premiere of Portlandia (great show!):

“Are you then saying that these people have to be grandfathered?” she asked. She corrected herself, now using gender-neutral language: “Or grandparented?”

There was laughter, but it was not clear whether Justice Ginsburg had meant her clarification as a joke.

And sometimes they decide whether people live or die, because of technology they don’t understand. A constant human-interest story, these folks. Exactly like that morning coffee club of old folks at the carpet store on Main Street, except with complete, unchecked power for a lifetime. [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 65 comments }

V572625694 January 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Porlandia: meh.

SmutBoffin January 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

How can they keep it going for more than three or so episodes? There's not that much to make fun of.

Kidneys4Sale January 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Speaking as one who came of age in the 90's, is stuck there, and has seriously considered moving to Portland, I must disagree. I've been mocking myself for well over a decade and have yet to run short of material.

hagajim January 24, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I don't know…living in Portlandia and it seems like there is still a lot they could find….but it's only 6 episodes now anyway

edgydrifter January 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm

On one hand, we're kind of flattered someone would make a show "about" us. On the other hand, we're kind of worried it will make people want to come here.

Politely telling the world to fuck off and leave us alone: the eternal Oregonian struggle.

horsedreamer_1 January 24, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Minnesota, also.

elviouslyqueer January 24, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Mississippi as well. Oh, wait.

Barbara_i January 24, 2011 at 5:07 pm

I like the way you pronounce it. I'm going to try harder not to pronounce it "Miss-a-sloppy"

SmutBoffin January 24, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Maybe refer them to Seattle or something? That town never really made it out of the 90s, either.

bumfug January 24, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Maybe if you could get all the networks to show "Drugstore Cowboy" and that movie where Madonna fucks guys to death every alternate week it would cool the desire to move to Portland.

Crank_Tango January 24, 2011 at 11:38 pm

swept away? or that was just one Guy she fucked to death…

bumfug January 25, 2011 at 12:04 am

I don't know how many guys she fucked to death, I never watched that turkey. I just remember when they made it while I was living there.

V572625694 January 24, 2011 at 3:49 pm

No worries – until the lumber industry comes back, or they stop making sneakers in China, there won’t be any jobs to attract people.

PocketsTheClown January 24, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Its a show about nothing. And the weird beers at Ottos, probably.

jim89048 January 24, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Doesn't translate well to old, I won't make a habit of watching it.

LionelHutzEsq January 24, 2011 at 2:49 pm

You can't consider yourself a great comic until you have played the Supreme Court. Just ask George Carlin, Ted Olsen or Alan Dershowitz.

x111e7thst January 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I ply my annoying uncle with port and he passes out and leaves me alone. Would that the same could be said of Scalia.

horsedreamer_1 January 24, 2011 at 2:51 pm

T

SmutBoffin January 24, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Plus wun for you…BUT JUST THIS ONCE.

smokefilledroommate January 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Surely the other justices have grown weary of Scalia's pull-my-finger routine by now.

SexySmurf January 24, 2011 at 2:56 pm

You know what always gets a laugh? Putting a pubic hair on Thomas' coke.

mereoblivion January 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm

So when he snorts it he gets one in his nose and thinks it's a nose hair but then he realizes it's really something else entirely and then everyone laughs in embarrassed horror that the token darkie is a imbecile?

ttommyunger January 24, 2011 at 2:56 pm

My Uncles were men, not lardass pussyfarts with a superiority complex and a fear of brown/gay people.

SayItWithWookies January 24, 2011 at 3:01 pm

I feel sorry for the poor bastards who have to be in a room where Antonin Scalia is regularly the funniest person there. I guess if Jay Leno ever retires, we'll know who's on deck to replace him.

SorosBot January 24, 2011 at 3:05 pm

If Scalia needs to artificially increase his laugh count, he should it the old-fashioned way and just get himself a laugh track. Perhaps they can set it to "Whooo!" whenever Sotomayor walks in the room too.

BornInATrailer January 24, 2011 at 3:17 pm

It's that "Gotcha!" judiciary Palin warned us about.

PublicLuxury January 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Todd Palin and Justice Thomas use the same hooker.

HolyMaracas January 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Come on, Antonin…tell us the one about women and gays having no Constitutional rights.

Beanball January 24, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Scalia is just trying to live up to his name. 'Antonin' means 'punster' in Latin.

SexySmurf January 24, 2011 at 3:29 pm

This explains why Scalia ends all his opinions with "and the father says 'the Aristocrats.' "

Extemporanus January 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

"The Juristocrats!"

widestanceroman January 24, 2011 at 3:35 pm

It must suck to draw the short straw and have to thumb-up Scalia, knowing it could increase his p-ness.

Gratuitous World January 24, 2011 at 4:04 pm

thanks folks, i'll be here all life

hagajim January 24, 2011 at 4:06 pm

You guys should have seen when Brennan put on black-face…cracked old Thurgood right up!

MinAgain January 24, 2011 at 4:13 pm

It is fortunate that the Supreme Court doesn't have much of a greenspace, or the justices would probably yell at the citizenry to get off the lawn.

Tommmcatt January 24, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Exactly like that morning coffee club of old folks at the carpet store on Main Street, except with complete, unchecked power for a lifetime.

You'd think that the United States would have more mandatory screenings of "Monk" and more public observance of Tommy Smothers' birthday…

prommie January 24, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I always want to barf when judges make jokes from the bench, and the lawyers fake "ho ho ho, thats a good one, judge," like so many Ed McMahons, while someone's life hangs in the balance. Fuckers.

BarackMyWorld January 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I wonder if they know any lawyer jokes.

PuckStopsHere January 24, 2011 at 11:12 pm

I do.

DoktorZoom January 24, 2011 at 7:17 pm

In keeping with The New Civility, I have to applaud all the Supremes for voting unanimously to expand protection for people who file claims for discrimination. Specifically, they held that companies cannot retaliate against family members of employees who have filed suit for discrimination. As I said to my car radio when I heard the story on NPR, hey, Scalia, ya done good (for a change). I still don't like him or the other "originalist" goofballs, but it's nice to see that they're not always contrarian troglodytes.

OK, now I can get back to my usual attitude of unbridled liberal hatred for all that is decent and good.

chascates January 24, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Plus no one wants to use the Justices' bathroom after Scalia.

transfatz January 24, 2011 at 10:45 pm

If SCOTUS is really Wonkette maybe we could get "The worst person in the world", that great combo of Stalin, Mussolini, and Hitler, our own fighting Ken Layne, to banhammer Scalia, Roberts and Thomas. But please don't disrobe them, I don't want to know.

tribbzthesquidz January 25, 2011 at 12:05 am

To get to the other side. Huh? Huh? To get to the other side. Haha. To get to the other side. To get to the other side.

Pragmatist2 January 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

So, an Originalist, a Pragmatist and a Cosmopolitanist walk into a bar and each order a drink.
"Are you old enough to drink," asks the bartender.
"Yes," says the Originalist. "The states had no minimum drinking ages at the time of the adoption of the Constitution."
"Yes," says the Pragmatist. "I have led a fully responsible life and data shows that 98% of people my age drink responsibly. Plus, it is good for the economy"
"Yes," says the Cosmopolitanist. "everyone in Europe drinks by the time they are 14."
Then they spent the next two hours arguing who was right.

Sophist [APPLAUSE] January 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Today we are all Justice Scalia.

ttommyunger January 24, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Right on. I can't think about Wonkette without thinking about Scalia, NOT!

Gratuitous World January 24, 2011 at 2:57 pm

i had sex with Clarence Thomas' wife.

SexySmurf January 24, 2011 at 2:57 pm

You know who else repeated jokes mercilessly, raising questions about whether he has artificially increased his laugh count?

SorosBot January 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm

He sounds like an SNL recurring character to me. Kristen Wiig as Scalia?

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 24, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Sarah Palin page view gold!

user-of-owls January 24, 2011 at 8:15 pm

So evidently Scalia endlessly repeats, "This is good news for John McCain." Because THAT'S funny, man.

transfatz January 24, 2011 at 10:31 pm

"Sounds like Wonkette."

But without Wonkette's good judgment.

SwanSwanH January 25, 2011 at 7:19 am

Trucknutz.

BaldarTFlagass January 24, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Where's the apology, then?

hagajim January 24, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I left a pube on Clarence Thomas' can

SorosBot January 24, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Pauley Shore?

mereoblivion January 24, 2011 at 3:11 pm

JC?

elviouslyqueer January 24, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Conan? Oh, sorry, you said "laugh count."

SayItWithWookies January 24, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Ray Romano?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 24, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Leno?

GOPCrusher January 24, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Carlos Mencia?

SayItWithWookies January 24, 2011 at 3:20 pm

I'm sorry Gratuitous World had sex with Clarence Thomas' wife. Happy now?

LionelHutzEsq January 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I'm sorry no one has posted the video tape.

That would make me happy.

LionelHutzEsq January 24, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Pauley Shore told a joke?

DoktorZoom January 24, 2011 at 8:59 pm

I left a Coke can on Clarence Thomas's pubes.

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