by they time they get to phoenix

Tea Party Announces National Conference In … Arizona, Obviously

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'Daddy said he'd hurt me again in the night if I didn't smile when I held up this sign.'Delightful news, America: Even though Arizona has been shunned by conferences and business travelers and entertainers and tourists with money ever since the “Arrest all the Brown People” law and that insane sheriff in Phoenix with his ritual torture/humiliation of suspected Latinos his goons capture in daylight raids, and even though the rest of the nation can’t even think of “Arizona” this month without shuddering over the lunacy of heavily armed mental cases hunting humans at the strip malls, the “Tea Party Patriots” just announced they’re going to have a very special anniversary/first national convention in beautiful Phoenix, AZ! Let’s enjoy the promotional YouTube, from which the above image was captured.

It’s going to be magical! Sign up now to get the rooms closest to the buffet and the Hoveround charging station. [Tea Party Patriots]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • x111e7thst

    Getting shot in a parking lot in Arizona is a future too.

    • SorosBot

      Hey, at least in the wake of this tragedy the right wing has toned down its rhetoric ans stopped the possible incitements to violence!

      Oh, wait…

      "Here at RedState, we too have drawn a line. We will not endorse any candidate who will not reject the judicial usurpation of Roe v. Wade and affirm that the unborn are no less entitled to a right to live simply because of their size or their physical location. Those who wish to write on the front page of RedState must make the same pledge. The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed. We remain steadfast in our belief that this will not be necessary again, but only if those committed to justice do not waiver or compromise, and send a clear and unmistakable signal to their elected officials of what must be necessary to earn our support."

      Well at least it's not like we already have a problem with bloodshed from anti-choice terrorists or anything.

      • jim89048

        Well they misspelled "refudiate", so you know it's legit.

      • chickensmack

        My sad gets bigger when I thumb-you-up on this depressing post.

      • horsedreamer_1

        How's that Ericky, Sonny of Ericky thing workin' out for ye, CNN?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Nothing like a Great Loyalty Oath Crusade.

      • GOPCrusher

        Acts of domestic terrorism in the name of saving fetuses is not terrorism. It's patriotism.

      • doxastic

        The reason for this is simple: once before, our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed. We remain steadfast in our belief that this will not be necessary again, but only if those committed to justice do not waiver or compromise, and send a clear and unmistakable signal to their elected officials of what must be necessary to earn our support.

        Seriously, this sort of right wing sleight of hand, where they make an explicit threat and then back off of it in the same breath, needs a name. If you're steadfast in your belief that this event won't happen, why would it be relevant to your argument? (and, sidebar, are they defending Civil War secession as a necessary repudiation of the Supreme Court? Teabagger history has me so confused…)

        Scene: Coffee shop. "In the past, people have reacted to being sold cold coffee by spraying the vicinity with gunfire. I remain steadfast in my belief that this will not be necessary, but only if you pour me another cup." Who argues this way?

        • SorosBot

          They seem to be claiming that the Civil War was necessary because of Dredd Scott, while at time making it sound like the insurrectionists were the ones going against the decision. They fail history as well.

      • Failure_Artist

        "Physical location"? It's generally called a woman. Plus what about the poor people whose physical location is Iraq or Afghanistan?

        • SorosBot

          But it's just a woman, a physical location and a biological support system to house the creations of a man's sperm; if they were actually real people with rights, they'd have penises.

          • Trinket

            They'd have penises, unless they're female fetuses. Those are actual real people, too, until they're born.

        • tabouley

          Please, is this a failure to communicate or something? These people are brown, moran.

      • transfatz

        "our nation was forced to repudiate the Supreme Court with mass bloodshed. We remain steadfast in our belief that this will not be necessary again, but only if…"

        The court remains packed with right wing activist justices.

  • nounverb911

    Will there be duels at dawn to settle differences?

    • V572625694

      Can you imagine the potential for extemporaneous gunplay at that event? Concealed carry is fucking legal in AZ. No permits required! Yee-hah!

    • Hera Sent Me

      Duels? That's 19th Century bleeding heart twaddle. This is 21st Century Arizona we're discussing. Think: ambush, assassination and asymmetrical warfare.

      Arizona residents naturally limit their thesaurus searches to the letter A.

      It's symmetrical.

      • Terry

        Yes, and duels involve honor and following rules, neither of which are strong points for the tea baggers.

    • Beowoof

      One can hope!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Hoveround jousting!!!1!

    • Janinthepan

      Dueling got lame once poor people started doing it.

    • zhubajie

      One can only hope….

  • nounverb911

    Will GOProud be giving demonstrations of the proper way to teabag?

    • OneDollarJuana

      On the Big Screen!

    • CZL

      Only if you walk in to the airport bathroom.

    • widestanceroman

      Who's going to teach GOProud (not me)?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Andrew Breitbart, obvs.

        • widestanceroman

          Obvs. + ewws = thmbd

    • Limeylizzie

      Tea Buggers

    • zhubajie

      In the public crappers, no doubt!

    • trampndirtdown

      One more reason to love John Waters, Pecker was a hell of a movie.

  • sarjo

    Don't worry, wonketeers: It is a trick. We lure them there, then retroactively declare AZ part of Mexico and seal the border. Fixed!

  • V572625694

    Attention, mommy of the little girl holding the sign your mommy wrote for you to hold: yes your daughter does have to pay for "my" mistakes, just like I had to pay for the generation before mine's mistakes. It's called history. You can't escape it. Just Lincoln if you don't believe me. He was a Republican, after all.

    "Fellow citizens, we* cannot escape history. We of this congress and this administration will be remembered in spite of ourselves. No personal significance or insignificance can spare one or another of us. The fiery trial through which we pass will light us down in honor or dishonor to the latest generation. We, even we here, hold the power and bear the responsibility."
    *Except George W Bush

    • Radiotherapy

      No doubt they'll skip the part about the them being called teabaggers for two months before they noticed us laughing at them. I mean, do it for the kids.

    • CookiE_MonstA

      I'd like to tell the kiddies; "Yes, Grandma voted for Reagan and Mommy voted for Bush and Yes, you will have to pay for those mistakes for the rest of your life and possibly, so will your children."

    • zhubajie

      Actually, Ma'am, I was paying for *your* mistakes, until I emigrated!

  • SorosBot

    I don't understand; I thought the teabaggers were anti-Obama, but that little girl's sign is complaining about having to pay for your bad decisions, which could only apply to George Bush and the Republican-controlled Congress' tax cuts and wars.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Didn't you know? He never existed.

      • SorosBot

        That's right, I forgot how 9/11 was Clinon's fault, and the recession was retroactively caused by Obama, just like FDR made the Great Depression start three and a half years before he took office.

        • aqua_buddha

          Which figures when you know they've been trying to Pre-Retroactively blame Sarah for all their corruption and whatever.

      • DeeJayKitteh

        So George Bush is Keyser Söze?

        • aqua_buddha

          And Cloward, and Piven.
          Seriously. Saw it on the Tv.

  • baconzgood

    I'm not falling for this… This video is from the Onion! I wasn't born yesterday Mr. Layne (if that's your real name).

  • genxr

    How precious. Can I suggest other signs for children?

    "Obama told me there is no Santa Claus."
    "Thanks to 30 round magazines, I have no future." (for a certain 9 year old girl)
    "My father didn't want that liver transplant anyway."
    "You shouldn't have to pay for my pre-existing condition."

    • SorosBot

      "By the time I'm 20 I'll be really embarrassed by my crazy parents."

      • horsedreamer_1

        That will be the tag-line for Prussian Blue's interracial double gang-bang.

    • OneDollarJuana

      "Speak American, Pancho!"

    • baconzgood

      "Racist in training"

  • Terry

    "I'm five years old and have no future thanks to my parents being complete idiots."

    There, fixed.

    • JustPixelz

      She has a future all right. Wait'll she learns her parents will refuse that Social Security and Medicare government spending*. Two jobs and buying Depends in bulk.
      * TP'ers and others like to say they only want to get the money back they paid in. Most people get their pay-in back during the first 2-3 years of full retirement. Do the math: say $1,000,000 lifetime earnings x 6.2% withholding = $62K; paid at $2500/mo = 24mo. Double it to count employer's share, if you'd like.

      • finallyhappy

        I also want them to all give up medicare and medicaid- get that gov't out of their health care. I just heard that it will cost $223 billion to take care of the aged- no doubt the fat toothless hoverround riders who want to be kept alive by every machine possible.

    • PublicLuxury

      WTF do the princesses have on their heads? Is that a crown?

  • mereoblivion

    And like a Phoenix, rising from the asses . . .

    • V572625694

      The Furious Fart of Freedom!

  • LionelHutzEsq

    This must mean that the Tea Party is adopting John McCain's comprehensive immigration package, right?

  • caged_wisdom

    The Tea Party has scholars?

    • V572625694

      They're the ones with GEDs. They should put it after their names:

      Dick Armey, GED

    • SorosBot

      Proud home schoolars, yes.

    • Cicada

      They're the one's who've read an entire paragraph of Atlas Shrugged.

    • baconzgood

      It's a very very loose definition of "Scholar".

    • smokefilledroommate

      Andy Breitfart probably fashions himself a scholar..

    • Failure_Artist

      They misspelled scoliosis.

  • fuflans

    sasha could kick their little white asses.

    • Gay Mexican Intern

      If their future is in the tea party, their asses won't be little for long.

  • cheetojeebus

    Fuck em, better Arizona than anywhere else, Eh? well maybe..SC…AL…Tx…fuck it i didn't think this through very well.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Yeah, go ahead and now blame it on the alcohol …

  • mavenmaven

    The bad decision they're paying for is that their mother didn't use protection as a teenager.
    Its all downhill from there, kiddos.

  • Come here a minute

    Democratic elected officials of AZ, gather up your gay and lesbian, Mexican and Muslim interns — you're gonna need protection.

  • joobajooba

    Will they invite their local Congresswoman to speak? Maybe she'll attend via iPad.

  • smokefilledroommate

    Come for the Gohmert, stay for the comic sans..

    • transfatz


  • BornInATrailer

    Hey Prussian Blue… if these girls can sing, expect some new competition in about 6-8 years.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Beat me to it.

  • MarionNYNY

    I assume they'll all be driving so as to avoid having their guns seized at airports.

    • CrunchyKnee

      I just had a thought of 100s of tea baggers on Hoverounds "blazing" down I-10 to a Ted Nugent soundtrack and laughed.

  • elviouslyqueer

    A word to Teabagger convention videographers… Saks Fifth Avenue and fine dining options = no. KFC buffet and the clearance aisle at Wal-Mart = yes. Jeebus, people, know your audience.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Based upon most of the Tea Party's supporters Beckian knowledge of history, they undoubtedly picked Phoenix because that is where the Founders held their first tea party.

    • SorosBot

      Maybe they chose Phoenix because it's ostensibly home to the University their most edumacated members have (fake) degrees from.

      • genxr

        The ad does say leading intellectuals of the movement.

        • Trinket

          An aggressively anti-inellectual movement touting its own intellectuals? Reminds me of religious fundamentalists who say science can't be trusted but are always yapping about the SCIENTIFIC proof for creationism.

          I don't know why I continue to be surprised.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Wait, doesn't George Soros run the University of Phoenix to control the youth of the United States with free pot or something? Perhaps he set this all up so that he could lure the innocent teabaggers into Phoenix, where they will quickly give in to his fiendish plan to make the United States into NAZI Germany.

    • elviouslyqueer

      "We didn't land on Camelback Mountain — Camelback Mountain landed on us!"

    • V572625694

      Just yesterday Michelle B said US America accepted immigrants without regard for their color.

      Seriously, she said it.

  • not that Dewey

    what began as ordinary people rising up against a government out of control

    In February, 2009?

    February 2009 = a couple weeks after the black guy took office. What, exactly, were they protesting?

    • SorosBot

      You just answered your own question.

    • GOPCrusher

      Against a government out of WHITE control.
      Said it before, and I'll say it again. When you breakdown every complaint about Socialism by the Obama Administration, it comes down to a basic fear that money will be taken from white people and given to the browns.

      • emmelemm

        Hasn't that always been true ([white] people don't want to pay taxes that might inadvertantly help the browns)? I'm thinking of the Reagan years/"welfare queen" meme.

        It's just been a little more crystalized since a brown person became the Preznit.

      • finallyhappy

        Or just having a black guy as Prez or a Black muslim foreigner as Prez- although I think just the black part brings out the other complaints- then you can pretend you aren't just an out and out racist- you have "legitimate" citizenship concerns.

  • Beowoof

    Is a Glock required to attend?

    • V572625694

      No but it'd be highly advisable unless you're absolutely certain you won't step on anyone's toes when you leave the general session to take a leak.

    • genxr

      One of the seminars: "A 30 round magazine: Is it really enough?"

      • GOPCrusher

        Fucking Machine Pistols: How Do They Work?

    • transfatz

      Attendance for Glocks is recommended. Unfortunately, many of them will bring people with them.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Kids are way too young to drink tea.

    • JustPixelz

      Can they drink the kool-aid just like the grown-ups?

    • mourningnmerica

      They get kool-aid.

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      …and way, WAY too young for teabagging…

  • PocketsTheClown

    At least it‘s not in midtown again. Oh wait, that was Republicans.. er… I‘m confyoosss.

  • Gratuitous World

    all map-owning attendees should promptly affix their 'surveyor's markers' on Phoenix…if they can find it.

  • HolyMaracas

    Which one the of Koch brothers will be picking up the check this time around?

  • JoshuaNorton

    If nothing else, it serves as the official launch of the new Fall line of Halloween costumes. Kind of like Fashion Week for heavily armed societal rejects.

    • jim89048

      Hey, some of those concealed-carry holsters can be rather slimming.

  • Cicada

    You selfish breeding teabaggers are mooching of of all of us non-breeding libunatics who aren't taking tax breaks for breeding and aren't sending our kids to tax-funded schools and colleges. So you can fucking stop the sanctimonious use of your children as political props, mmmmkay?

    • Trinket

      Those kids are home-schooled for sure.

  • DerrickWildcat

    It appears that they're following the, "If you build it they will come" model of event planning. As of now, there isn't a list of sponsors, exhibitors…or even speakers.

    • smokefilledroommate

      Actually, there is. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

      • Cicada

        Confirmed Speakers: Dick Morris, Andrew Breitbart, Brent Bozell, Herman Cain, Congressman Louie Gohmert, Foster Friess, Dr. James Gwartney, Colin Hannah

        What a collection of intellectual giants! It's a who's who list of fart-huffing, glue-sniffing smooth brains.

        • DerrickWildcat

          Hmmm, on the actual link for the, "Summit" it says,
          "Who else will be there?

          Tea Party Patriots’ American Policy Summit will bring together leading experts, scholars, and political heavyweights. We can’t reveal the speaker line-up yet, but when you hear who will be joining us – you’ll be really glad you have a seat."

          • SorosBot

            Well from the list so far they haven't found one expert, scholar or political heavyweight yet; nor one person with ovaries (though I'm some of the crazies like Bachmann might want to attend).

          • Trinket

            I'll bet Anita Bryant is available.

        • doxastic

          With a lineup like that, there will definitely be at least one panel on "Toe sucking for fun and profit."

      • SmutBoffin

        Louie Gohmert? This could be good…

      • baconzgood

        Dick Morris, Andrew Breitbart, Brent Bozell, Herman Cain…..

        "One of these things are not like the other
        One of these things don't belong.
        Can you tell which thing is not like the others.
        By the time I finish my song?"

  • freakishlywrong

    Those poor kids.

    • Clancy_Pants

      Homeschooled no doubt!

      • trampndirtdown

        They will be homeschooled until school's are resegregated. Don't want to get any brown or poor on the little princesses.

    • transfatz

      Anyone skilled in family values will tell you, kids are meant to be pimped.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The real reason they are having it there is that the Teabaggers are big Scorpions fans, and figure if a guy with a name like Herman Rarebell could get laid there, so could they.

    Arizona really was a gas
    I was screwed up in a total mess
    Mindblowing all the way, you know
    Just out of sight
    Some girl stopped me in the street at night
    Ooh, what a knockout and she felt so right
    Ooh, yeah she took my breath away
    Just out of sight

    Loved her in her car
    Took me to the stars
    Babe, we went nuts all the way
    Loved her on the moon
    Morning came too soon
    She got me high and loose, loose, loose

    Arizona really feels alright
    Girls swing here and they treat you right
    Have so many special ways, you know
    And that's alright

  • Egregious644

    Aren't the folks in the video hiking in taxpayer funded parks? Free markets? So, they are encouraging China to dump its wares here instead of having companies employ Americans? Free markets in corn & sugar, too? So much to comment on. So much.

    • Left_Leftie

      Free Markets
      Break Out Groups!

  • widestanceroman

    The rituals that promote fertility are always a hoot at these things.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I would think that the TeaTards would be more at home in Yuma than Phoenix. That's where the territorial prison is and it's only a short train ride away.

  • PublicLuxury

    Phoenix is the best possible location for them. They have the support and security of the Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and the leadership of Jan Brewer. I'm sure there will be NO BROWN ALLOWED.

    Future sign: No Shirt, No Shoes, No browns, No service

    • mourningnmerica

      And yet their favorite shirt color is brown.

    • doxastic

      The GOP should just hold all of its major meetings in sundown towns.

  • chickensmack

    Spoken during video (emphasis mine): "We'll focus on our 40 year plan to reform six key areas in American life, known as the 'Pathways to Liberty': Education, Legislation, Judicial, Elections, Culture, and Economics."

    Hard for me to imagine how important it is, since their base is as cultured as Velveeta cheese.

    • doxastic

      As we have learned from our Chinese overlords, nothing says freedom and democracy like "cultural reform."

      • transfatz

        And 40 year plans. Their language is so similar to what I heard on the English service of Radio Moscow in the early 60s. I get a sense of history repeating itself endlessly in a funhouse mirror.

    • trampndirtdown

      Let me guess the plan calls for privatize it privatize it privatize it privatize it privatize it and privatize it.

      • chickensmack

        You privatize culture through Comcast/NBC.

  • JustPixelz

    I'm sure those two groups can find a way to settle their differences. With their votes, of course.

  • PublicLuxury

    These are some sick fuckers. Maybe they're being led to Phoenix by a group of concerned doctors. They will place them in luxury accomodations to keep them, and especially the public, safe from these lunatics.

  • edgydrifter

    Will they organize a bus trip to Tucson to lay wreaths at the scene of Sarah Palin's martyrdom?

    • widestanceroman

      Everyone will always remember where they were when they first heard how Sarah's heart was shattered. sniff, sniff

      • genxr

        They will dress up in a blood libel costume.

      • chickensmack

        I was just reading how Leonard Peikoff, the heir to the Ayn Rand fortune, and head of the Ayn Rand institute or whatever, made comment prior to the 2008 election: "Personally, I think McCain comes across as a tired moron, Obama as a lying phony, Bidden as an enjoyably hilarious windbag, and Sarah Palin as an opportunist struggling to learn how to become a moron, a phony and a windbag."

        Maybe Randian is a great way to be — if it involves snarking on the Snowbilly.

    • DemmeFatale

      I am breathing the fresh, Palin-free air of freedom.
      Gee, it's nice not seeing her stupid face all the time.

  • court5346

    Is this an ad for Phoenix tourism?

    • genxr

      Looks more like an ad for New Mexico tourism, or anywhere that isn't Arizona.

      "Santa Fe. It's not Phoenix." There's a winning slogan!

  • chickensmack

    More disturbing from the reading voice-over chick (again, emphasis mine): "The American Policy Summit will bring together inspiring speakers, experts, scholars and political strategists to give you the tools, insight and training you need, to translate rhetoric into lasting reform."

    If it weren't the calming AT&T lady saying it in her sweet, syrupy voice, every person on the teabagging right should shit blood over how scary it is to read that one sentence.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Too bad they aren't having it in July. They can get great rates in the summer and you know they're not going to be going outside.

  • smokefilledroommate

    We can’t reveal the speaker line-up yet, but when you hear who will be joining us – you’ll be really glad you have a seat.

    And then you click on 'Register to attend' and get a page which includes a list of Confirmed Speakers.

    Oh, Tea Party, is there anything about you that's not retarded?

    • chickensmack

      Louis Gohmert! Hands down, the stupidest rep of them all.

      • trampndirtdown

        It's a race with Foxx on the rail, and Blackburn coming up on the outside. The two King's were scratched for performance enhancers (huffing glue).

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh, Tea Party, is there anything about you that's not retarded?

      Haha, they even managed to screw up the sentence about the weather. So the short answer would be "no."

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm honestly shocked that Bible Spice is not on the speaker lineup. But then again, maybe someone may have suggested to her that going to Arizona may not be the wisest decision at this point in time.

      • Sparky_McGruff

        Why not Palin? Her speaking fee would have cut into the profit margin.

  • LesBontemps

    Build the danged fence! Around Arizona!

  • thebeatgoeson08

    "Phoenix – born from the ruins of a former civilization" that white people just happened to ruin. How fitting. Now the teabaggers can ruin civilization for all the rest of us!

  • ttommyunger

    Guess Ben "Slackjaw" Quayle will be the Grand Marshal, Sheriff Joe R. Piehole the Sergeant At Arms and Sarah Palin will be the Guest of Honor; and all the Tea Baggers will jerk off thinking about being "on her". Boys will be boys.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    And thanks, Ken, for taking the obvious Jimmy Webb reference. Bogart.

  • baconzgood

    And Stupid Truck Bumper Stickers Inc. stock has jumped 30pts with the announcment of Tea Party Conference in AZ.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And no doubt the guy with the Tailgate of Hate and the NOBAMA1 license plate will be one of the keynote speakers.

  • horsedreamer_1


  • crybabyboehner

    It's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

    • freakishlywrong

      That is COTD, crybaby.

  • Chet Kincaid

    Many priceless gems in that video:


    Oh my God!! that is the kind of thrilling, non-stop conference action that my employer would have to pay me to experience in my spare time!!

    And that awesome plug for the historical and cultural setting of Arizona: "Born from the ruins of a former civilization…" But don't worry! We keep a few injuns in cages to do some fancy dancing for ya!

    "Get a picture with the famous cactus!" Brewer has cleared her schedule for all these photo-ops? That's mighty white of her!

  • Katydid

    Is that cactus giving me the finger?

    • smokefilledroommate

      Funny, I've always thought of the Saguaro as "Nature's Middle Finger".

  • ManchuCandidate

    It's cool that the Special Games people would have their conference at… Oh… not Downs Syndrome folk or the crippled, but the retarded.


    BTW, how can you tell the diff between a teabagger and the typical Arizonian because I can't tell all those fat, white losers apart? They all look a like.

    • Rotundo_

      More pre-cancerous skin lesions on the Arizonans, Baggers, unless they're farmers (unlikely due to the government money for farms they'd be fighting against-oh wait, these *are* teabaggers we're talking about).

  • Extemporanus

    Like a teabagger having sex, my favorite part comes at about a minute twenty in:


  • MinAgain

    Exciting white speakers!
    Break-out sessions with other white people!
    Expo hall full of white people!

    BTW, did that saguaro cactus just give the Tea Party the finger?

  • SorosBot

    Regarding the heading, by the time they get to Phoenix, they'll be half a million strong; at least according to Fox News, no matter what the actual attendance is.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And they dreamed they saw the bomber death planes
      Riding shotgun in the sky,
      And everywhere was a song and a celebration.

    • Beowoof

      Counting is not a big thing with teabaggers. And it is the same with reading, spelling, comprehension, critical thinking.

  • sati_demise

    Russel Pierce and the Flaming Neo Nazis will be playing for your listening enjoyment.

    Glad I will be out of state during those dates. Otherwise I would have to think up some cute slogans for signs to protest the Teabaggers.

  • magic_titty

    The next season of Toddlers and Teabagguhz looks like a hoot.

  • notreelyhelping

    Good time to invest in kevlar vest manufacturers.

  • Gratuitous World

    get off my dirt!

  • jim89048

    Razing Arizona.

  • notreelyhelping

    My prediction is, in 10 or 15 years time, her future will involve tequila, hashish, and wrapping a Camaro around a lightpost.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Give Arizona back to the gila monsters — if it's going to be populated by cold-blooded, instict-driven, venomous relics of a bygone age, at least they won't be saying stupid things about the Constitution.

  • MistaEko

    You cut off the "Come To New Mexico" video's last 5 seconds.

  • Beowoof

    Shouldn't t the kids sign read, I am 5 years old and I have no future, because my parents are teabagger assholes.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Spa treatments? Facials? Shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue? That is some funny shit. They want how much??? …For socks????

  • WriteyWriterton

    In the days immediately preceding the convention, imagine the number of "Wide Load" signs you'll see on the highways bringing these patriots to Phoenix.

  • blowharder

    I assume the Tea Party Patriots will make their first agenda item to end Taxation without Representation in DC, right? right? Get it? The ACTUAL Boston Tea Party was about that?

  • Jukesgrrl

    Tell these little girls it's alright for THEM to put graffiti art on the underpasses. I'm sure theirs will have themes approved of by the region's radio personalities.

  • doxastic

    The children murmur to one another
    Shorter one: I can't believe they're making us hold these. Now the whole world will think I write in fucking sentence fragments.
    Taller one: Oh yeah? Look at this shitty punctuation. It's SHOUTING a question. Honestly, people are going to think we're homeschooled or something.
    Shorter one: On the plus side, your crown looks boss.
    Taller one: Yours too. Let's go to McDonald's afterwards. After three hours of this bullshit, I'm gonna need an anus burger.

  • metamarcisf

    This is good news for Dean Cain

  • __kth__

    Loughner's defense team should try to get the trial moved to Maricopa County. He'd have a fighting chance at a hung jury there, because nullification.

  • Redhead

    Sponsors: Walmart Pharmacy, Crayola markers and posterboard, Cheetohs, that "I've fallen and I can't get up!" necklace button.

    • trampndirtdown

      Walmart is out for collaborating with the Kenyans.

  • twoeightnine

    And don't forget to get your picture taken with the famous cactus! Michele Bachmann.

    • tiredalways

      They can't publish that as a promo, bigger cactus Mrs. Palin would be hoping MAD.

    • GOPCrusher

      They need to get a plywood cutout of Washington Crossing The Delaware with holes where the faces are. For five bucks, you too can have your picture taken re-enacting this great moment in American History!

  • Sue4466

    "They might call you heavily armed mental cases, haters of brown people, and morons for thinking Medicare is privately run and that rich people are on your side, but I call you my base."

    ~ANY Teabagger candidate.

  • MissTaken

    Good god, not a single mouth is closed in that picture.

    • GOPCrusher

      They must of Photo-Shopped the drool out.

  • lochnessmonster

    Can you call DCFS for making those girls dress like that and hold signs for photos? Isn't it kind of like child abuse?

  • Barbara_i

    That was cool of Hooters to give those two short waitresses the day off to attend the rally.

  • problemwithcaring

    All over Los Angeles (and on the LA I have noticed an increase in "Visit Arizona" billboards and advertisements. Now this. AZ's Tourist Industry should save themselves some heartache and accept the fact that they are now commonly seen as the "That's Racist!" state.

    'Zona, embrace your new image as the Branson, MO of Glock conventions, rodeos, Minute Men survivalist retreats and Redneck Comedy Tours (also know as Palin speaking engagements.)

  • Barbara_i

    Why, oh why, did I ask for a trip to AZ for Valentine's Day? What the hell was I thinking? I can't back out of it now because my husband's old boss is expecting us and comping us the room and booze and wagu beefy-goodness. I will just have to remember to pack my Kevlar robe and bring lots of antibiotics and morning-after pills in case I run into any of the locals.

  • fartknocker

    What's ironic is the location of the convention center in relation to the fine Hispanic folks. All of the neighborhoods South of I-10 to I-17 are traditionally Hispanic, many 2nd and 3rd generation. Not a lot of anus burgers in that 'hood. Now if they go east on Van Buren past 16th street, they can find some crack addicts.

    I wonder if Jane Brewer will be hosting any games for the children like, "find the beheaded bad person."

    I will be no where near Skyharbor Airport while these teatards are traveling. I bet TSA will be paying its special agents hazardous duty pay because of the number of fat folds they'll witness in their cool new scanners.

  • aguacatero

    The Tea Party has a "40 Year Plan"? That's eight times more commy than the USSR and the PRC!!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    "Thanks to education cuts, I have no future."


  • OldRedneck

    Did you notice this part of the Teahadists advertisement about the site of their convention:

    " Located in the heart of downtown Phoenix, the Phoenix Convention Center is located directly on the Metro Light Rail line and is within walking distance of world-class hotels and restaurants. "

    But — I thought light rail was mass transit — and mass transit is something that only commies, socialists, liberals, and tree huggers use. Besides, the light rail was paid for mostly with GUVMINT MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!

    • SorosBot

      Hey, while decrying mass transit as socialism these guys still made time after one of their other rallies to complain that the Washington metro was crowded; also that they had to share cars with young black men.

  • OldRedneck

    Hmmmm – – – and another thought if I'm permitted two comments.

    Phoenix is in Maricopa County. Bristol Palin just bought a run-down house in an equally run-down Maricopa County neighborhood. Do you suppose she will open the home for tours during the convention???

    • barbluther

      That's like asking if she is the daughter of a grifter!

  • Rotundo_

    It's just a shame it isn't in June or July, with lots and lots of outdoor activities. watching the bubbas fall off their scooters and go crashing into things when their blood sugar starts spiking from the buffets.

  • Thedongsofwar

    Hey there, kids! You're parents did not have to take the time to write "I have no future" on a white board for you to hold. I could have told you that just by looking at you.

  • Gainsbourg69

    You'd have a future, Amber and Chelsea, if your mommy and daddy weren't hell bent on voting against their own interests. Since they vote GOP without giving a second thought to what these ass holes have done to the middle class for years, don't be surprised when you hear the d.j. at Lipsticks calling you up to the stage.

  • JackObin

    Arizona reminds me of a Star Trek episode where the inhabitants of a certain planet were all white Zombies. What the hell was the name of that episode?

  • barbluther

    I'm oiling my gun and preparing my sign
    Repubs coined it
    Brewer does it

  • chascates

    It's only because of government spending that that little tea-twat has any future or even a country to grow up in.

  • lulzmonger

    Ah, the thunder of the War Scooters & the reek of Ben-Gay. FREEDUMB!
    No torchlight parade or pile of burning books = FAKE.

    40 Year Plan? WTF?!? Put another GOP president in place, & these Free Lunch PAC pinheads will take all of 25 minutes to evaporate. Not to mention that most of them are going to spend most of the next 40 years decomposing. As for their numerous offspring, unless their "40 Year Plan" includes fighting to win against neighboring tribes & scavenging, it's not going to be worth a rat's ass.

  • Steverino247

    Little late to this party, but has anybody compared the rhetoric used by Tea Party dickheads with that used by Tom Metzger that ended up causing him to be found civilly liable for a murder in Portland, OR? From the Southern Poverty Law Center's site:

    Three weeks after Mazella's arrival in Portland, ESWP skinhead Ken Mieske and two others beat to death an Ethiopian graduate student named Mulugeta Seraw in a street confrontation. The killers, Metzger said later, had done their "civic duty." After Mieske and two other ESWP skins pleaded guilty to murder, the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti-Defamation League sued the Metzgers and WAR on behalf of the victim's family. Using the doctrine of vicarious liability, plaintiffs' attorneys argued that the Metzgers should be found liable for intentionally inciting the skinheads to engage in violent confrontations with minorities. A jury agreed, returning a record $12.5 million verdict against the Metzgers and WAR. Tom Metzger was personally responsible for $5.5 million of that sum.

    If Loughner's acts are comparable and a connection can be made as happened to Metzger, Tea Party backers and sycophants are toast.

  • Left_Leftie

    at 1:25: There's no place better than Phoenix . .. born from the ruins of a former civilization we will celebrate the rebirth of American culture.

    Yeah a former civilization that manifest destiny or whatever crap you tea party patriots were calling it back then wiped out.

    It's official, I hate these people. They are not even trying to hide their racist bullshit anymore.

  • Left_Leftie

    Exciting Speakers!
    Picture of Dick Morris

    A ha-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  • Negropolis

    Phoenix: Capital of Forclosurezona.

  • schvitzatura

    You are the lucky ones. You are going to serve God and country. I pronounce you handmaids.

  • Cicada

    Indeed, there is nothing more socialist than raising children to become productive members of society. We need to quit mollycoddling these kids with free educations. Hell, they need to start earning all those free meals and shelter too. There's no reason they can't put those nimble little fingers to work in a sweatshop.