NO WONDER CHRIS MATTHEWS LIKE HIM  3:26 pm January 21, 2011

Will Obama’s Hair Please Just Go Gray So the Media Can Shut Up About It?

by Jack Stuef

Look! He turned that tie into a bow tie! Probably with dye!For years now, the media has waited with bated breath for Barack Obama’s hair to turn totally gray. The stresses of the job are supposed to do this to a president, we’ve been told. But why is it taking so long? The media is always right about such important matters. The only answer: conspiracy. The Daily Mail has decided Obama is now dyeing his hair “jet-black” to cover up all the “grey,” because it noticed Obama looked different in a photo taken in bright sunlight than a more recent photo taken inside in a dark room. Dyeing is cheating, Obama! Sure, that prayer hog Gabrielle Giffords has taken all of God’s miracles for herself, but you should have to live with being gray.

It’s being seen as the most important visit by a Chinese leader in 30 years and, with all the world’s eyes on him, who can blame Barack Obama for wanting to look his best.

For it appears that he has dyed his greying hair jet-black – giving him a new more youthful look.

Yes, how could Obama possibly look cooler than Hu Jintao and his ridiculous hipster glasses? Only hair dye. Damn Brits.

If this is true, Obama’s flag pin got a dye job too. Look how white it is in the first photo! The pin and Obama must have gone on a makeover teevee show together, because if you look at that first photo, Obama doesn’t even have any eyes! What an amazing transformation. Those eyes really look real. Must have been expensive. And to top it all off, his skin is darker now, because he’s racist against being white. [Daily Mail]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 150 comments }

Tundra Grifter January 21, 2011 at 3:29 pm

If he was a real American President he'd have orange hair like Ronald Reagan.

nounverb911 January 21, 2011 at 3:34 pm

And an orange face like Boner.

Tundra Grifter January 21, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Boner has been rockin the rug for quite some time. A reduced "Trent Lott."

mereoblivion January 21, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I thought he went in for a Purple Toupee.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Somebody put their fingers in the president's ear,
and it wasn't too much later they came out with Johnson's Wax

Rarian Rakista January 21, 2011 at 7:25 pm

If Obama goes Funkadelic, I'm going to lose it.

Terry January 21, 2011 at 4:43 pm

But Reagan never matched the Orangutan butt orange of Strom Thurmond's hair. Now, that was orange.

Rarian Rakista January 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm

I believe Pantone calls that color Bigot Ocher.

DemonicRage January 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Give me a f**kin break! 8 years of the miraculously orange-haired Reagan. Mitt Romney's helmet of jet black hair with Cruella de Ville white wisps over the ears, and now people have the nerve to raise this issue??? China, CALL IN YOUR DEBTS! It's time to have a serious Overlord running things here.

DustBowlBlues January 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I'm not keen on the Chinese as overlords. Of the three rising economies, I'm pulling for India or Brazil. Mostly, Brazil. Samba, everybody!

Beowoof January 21, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Carnival, Americans are still good at partying.

SorosBot January 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm

But it would be much better if we had naked public partying, like the Brazilians!

On second thought, looking at the bulk of our fellow Americans, maybe that would not be a good idea.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I dunno, the reduction in world overpopulation might balance out the costs of cleaning up all the vomit it would induce.

Beetagger January 21, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Naked Pubic Partying… correction

DemonicRage January 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Do you realize how many used condoms there are on the beach of Rio de Janeiro every early morning? I don't think that Iowa and Alabama would be happy with the new Overlords from Brazil throwing those kind of parties, for thirteen year olds in dental floss thong bikinis.

Rarian Rakista January 21, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Do you want to see the average American naked, enough said.

EdFlintstone January 21, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Dumb Brits, this is america, were a large chunk of the population is only worried about his skin color.

MaxNeanderthal January 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Oh fuck me, NO one on this side of the pond takes anything in the Daily HateMail seriously, not unless you're an angry old white person with nazi forbearers. It's editorials can be paraphrased as "nnng, asylum seekers, nngg, women, guhh, gays, arrgghhh, queers, pinkos, commies, fags, coons, wogs, jews, guuuuuurrrrgghhhh ("pop" as brain explodes)". You get the picture. The subtext is "hey, have you noticed that "the sheriff is a N——-" (apologies to Blazing Saddles).

Barbara_i January 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

None of Palin's wigs are gray. Go figure.

mereoblivion January 21, 2011 at 4:18 pm

At least one of her merkins may be, though. (Hey, merkin sounds just like Amurkin, only briefer.)

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Yet all the wigs of the British judiciary ARE! I suspect another plot by the Queen of England against our precious bodily fluids.

Also, would you like a pamphlet about the promise of Fusion Energy?

Radiotherapy January 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Does the mama grizzlies curtains have a polar bear rug?

SmutBoffin January 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm

JustForMenGate!

horsedreamer_1 January 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Rogate!

Extemporanus January 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Frogate!

(With the obvious rightwing rallying cry being "FRObama From the Train!")

baconzgood January 21, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I'm thinkin' grecian-gate is much more catchier….Makes it sound like he destoried a countries economy.

WriteyWriterton January 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

My mom ("me mum" for you limesters) used Grecian Formula. It smelled like I think embalming fluid must smell.

PsycWench January 21, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Hey, everyone knows that once you go black, you never go back!

LionelHutzEsq January 21, 2011 at 3:48 pm

It's funny 'cause it's true.

VicariousMe January 21, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Do tell.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Once you go grey, you never go…ghey?

Jukesgrrl January 21, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Chances are you have your orientation figured out by then.

Limeylizzie January 21, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Hmm, I have actually gone back and forth on that and have settled on the olds.

Crank_Tango January 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Too soon!

OneDollarJuana January 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Wait, Sarah Palin's a Whig?

Beowoof January 21, 2011 at 4:04 pm

And I thought it was a Know Nothing.

OneDollarJuana January 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Now that I think about it, a Bull Moose.

mereoblivion January 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

If she's as crazy about Maggie T. as she claims, does that make her a Tory-adorer?

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:24 pm

If so, she'd better not spit on the floor-a

jim89048 January 21, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Otis Spoffard?

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Praise Beezus!

nounverb911 January 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

The photo in the sun is over-exposed, the other is under-exposed. Go figure.

OneDollarJuana January 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Obama in the bathing suit was overexposed. Obama fighting for the Public Option was underexposed. Alright, the lens cap was left on.

baconzgood January 21, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Who the fuck are you Ansel Adams? Shut up and eat your asinine conspiracy.

edgydrifter January 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Mandinka or GTFO, Barry.

SorosBot January 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Why, he might be dyeing his hair? What's next, will he wear makeup when he goes on the TV? Or use professionals to light and film his speeches, instead of just talking into a shaky, out-of-focus webcam? Why, he might even wear a suit that was dry-cleaned by a professional!

jus_wonderin January 21, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Egads!!!!!!!!!!

Beowoof January 21, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Next thing you will tell is they used Windex to clean his teleprompter.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I hear that he uses artificial cleaning products to remove/mask his natural scent–and that both he and Michelle have been known to make use of machines to exceed the natural walking speed of a human being.

Do you ever hear about this in the Lamestream Media? You do not.

horsedreamer_1 January 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

As long as they don't use roll-on deodorant. The last thing we need is Michelle in a sleeveless dress showing off powder on her underarms/pits.

GOPCrusher January 21, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Bah! Next thing, you'll have us believe that he has a machine that flys like a bird. I have no time for such nonsense!

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 6:59 pm

It's true–I saw it on the talkin' picture box.

Terry January 21, 2011 at 4:44 pm

As long as he doesn't get lip liner tattooed on, I'm fine with it.

el_donaldo January 21, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I think we'll have to wait for the impeachment proceedings to find out – the House is going to be asking him to prove the carpet matches the drapes.

SorosBot January 21, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Considering that some of the wingnuts asked for Obama to prove if he's circumsized or not, that would not actually be surprising; many of the conservatives really are obsessed with the black President's penis.

Beowoof January 21, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I know Sarah has mentioned his junk a couple of times.

OneDollarJuana January 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

If you recall, the Republicans kept saying that Clinton had a crooked weenie.

horsedreamer_1 January 21, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Larry Craig just wanted Bill to show it to him.

Weenus299 January 21, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Enough with the drapes. What about the carpet?

DustBowlBlues January 21, 2011 at 3:53 pm

The Republithugs will be lined up and ready to do the test themselves. While Larry Craig can only stand on the sidelines and weep.

Beowoof January 21, 2011 at 4:06 pm

They may even have fellate it to make is soft.

June_Cleaver2.0 January 22, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Yes, I can see them all lined up with their rulers. Some will even have yard sticks. But let them tell it, they just want to make sure it's an American bald eagle.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Obligatory XKCD, again.

Come here a minute January 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

The next appointee will be the CEO of Grecian Formula.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Nah, to silence him, he'll be appointed Ambassador to Grecia.

Boredw/Gravity January 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

That second photo looks botoxed, too. And I think I see a little lip gloss.

Lascauxcaveman January 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Don't forget the cheek implants. They're pretty obv.

BaldarTFlagass January 21, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Must be the Kenyan Formula 16.

widestanceroman January 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm

For today's anti-colonial man (birth certificate not required).

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Look at your President. Now look at me. God, we're both sexy black men, aren't we, you lucky, lucky woman.

jus_wonderin January 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm

The Presidency really wreaks havoc on one's hair. Maybe it is time for an android President????

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Bad idea, unless you want a war on Electric Sheepistan

jus_wonderin January 21, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Bahhhhh!

WriteyWriterton January 22, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I disagree; I thought DZ's comment was pretty clever.

GOPCrusher January 21, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Ronald Reagan was the first President that its said left the Presidency looking the same as he did going in.
But considering the fact that he didn't have a clue what was going on around him for the better part of eight years he was President, it's not surprising.

metamarcisf January 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm

I have an idea. This April, let's Teabag the fools in D.C. on tax day. Think it'll catch on?

paxromanaclef January 21, 2011 at 3:45 pm

And what did he BAIT his breath with, pray tell? A dictionary? http://www.grammarist.com/usage-errors/homophone-

I'm an asshole.

SayItWithWookies January 21, 2011 at 3:45 pm

At least it's not completely gray, like the head of Dubya's poor limey lapdog who keeps getting dragged in front of boards of inquiry about how and why he helped invade Iraq and kill hundreds of his fellow citizens and a hundred thousand of the people he was allegedly liberating. Yeah, little Tory Blair seems to have a lot on his conscience, and yet he's still wriggling away from admitting it.

DustBowlBlues January 21, 2011 at 3:56 pm

He and that asshole, Joe Lieberwhine. Sadam Hussein was hiding something. It could have been WMD. I love it when they segue into "he wanted them, so we had to invade." Way to destroy the Labour party, Tony.

SayItWithWookies January 21, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Don't forget Dubya's triumphant phrase from one of his SOTU speeches: "We have found weapons of mass destruction-related program activities!" A bold characterization for a soap factory, but at least it didn't destroy his credibility or trash a generation of effort advancing the status and security of the middle class.

WriteyWriterton January 22, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Needz moar hyphens: weapons-of-mass-destruction-related program activities.

Fixed.

SorosBot January 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Maybe the Labour party will make a comeback now though, as they just got a new leader yesterday who doesn't just have balls but is balls; Ed Balls to be exact.

horsedreamer_1 January 21, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Oh, but the Labour side has Balls, now.

MaxNeanderthal January 21, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Did you hear that debate with Christopher Hitchens? Tells you all you need to ever know about the messianic little shit. At least we know Cameron, as a Tory, is out to fuck us up the arse from Day 1.

Name_Tag January 21, 2011 at 3:46 pm

the headline will be in the post tomorrow.

"obama's hair was black. went back."

widestanceroman January 21, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Pap Snaps Nap Flap

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Hix Nix Stix Flix

Extemporanus January 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm

"'Notice POTUS FROTUS', FLOTUS Wrote Us"

WriteyWriterton January 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Black flack attack?

Giveusabob January 21, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Rod Blagojevich called. He wants his curlers back.

EdFlintstone January 21, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Darrell Issa will spends millions to get to the bottom of this.

weejee January 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

While he, Issa, paints up his tush and rolls & curls his pubic hairs.

jim89048 January 21, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Oh, Ruby!

weejee January 21, 2011 at 5:30 pm

You got it.

♪ Oh, Darrell, go down, go down, go down. ♪

Beowoof January 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Darrell should spend more time covering up his questionable past.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Real Merkins demand an investigation

LionelHutzEsq January 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm

This is all bullshit. If the LameStreet Media was really on the ball, they would instead be asking real questions like: If he really is a black Muslim Socialist from Kenya, why doesn't he have a shadow down his inseam like Dick Cheney does?

jus_wonderin January 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I think I watched this show on HBO.

metamarcisf January 21, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Shit, have they ever looked at Jefferson's hair?

Weenus299 January 21, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Thomas or George?

metamarcisf January 21, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Hah! Weezy!!!!

HuddledMass January 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

That's "bated breath," not "baited." As in your breathing has momentarily abated.

Also who wants stinky bait breath?

Gunner Asch January 21, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Thank you. I was struggling not to say the same thing for fear of being called a grammar Nazi. Kids today and their "I gotta be me" mangling of the language. Grr.

HuddledMass January 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I'm resigned to being the grammar Nazi, it's my crown of thorns. In "tweet:' I haz the oldz.

Lascauxcaveman January 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Many of us (myself included) have worn that heavy mantle here; 'tis a thankless job and occasionally your efforts will be rudely rebuffed. But do carry on, sir.

LetUsBray January 21, 2011 at 7:18 pm

They're just being like Shakespeare. Got to celebrate it!

PS – Hey, I have additional p today. Golden showers for everybody!

WriteyWriterton January 22, 2011 at 5:04 pm

And their music! It's just, ah, never mind.

MissTaken January 21, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Go away, I'm batin'!

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I await Jack's reply with shrimp on my tongue.

mourningnmerica January 22, 2011 at 10:34 pm

I dated a girl with baited breath. Nice tits, though.

CalamityJames January 21, 2011 at 3:58 pm

In other, less important, news, states across the country are dead, unemployment rates dropped, only because people stopped trying, I'm moving back in with my parents, some asshole decided to build a big fucking house to taunt those whose homes have been ripped out from under them, no jobs, still, no healthcare, still, no gay marriage, still, and Sarah McLachlan still hasn't been arrested for those damn "Save the animals" commercials.

We now take you to breaking news: Rep. Giffords has farted. What does this mean for Sarah Palin's chances in 2012?

Extemporanus January 21, 2011 at 4:02 pm

"YOU DYE!"

baconzgood January 21, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Thumbs up for the avatar!

Extemporanus January 21, 2011 at 4:51 pm

We got the point, yo!

Native_of_SL_UT January 21, 2011 at 4:04 pm

This is all about light source. Like when those Hollywood starlets get their pictures taken in those lovely black dresses and the flashbulbs make them look transparent.
God I love those flashbulbs!

SorosBot January 21, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Remember the shot of John Kerry's hot daughter like that?

Lascauxcaveman January 21, 2011 at 4:42 pm

" Neiiigh, I don't recall such a photo."

BlueStateLibel January 21, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Give him a break, he's an older worker (27+) of course he has to dye his hair and pretend he plays on Facebook and Twitter all day if he wants to keep his job…what do you expect?

Chet Kincaid January 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Fuck yes, that is why I shave my head religiously. I slipped and sang a line from Green Acres the other day, but none of the Youngs even recognized it, so I skated on that one!

jim89048 January 21, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I wish my hair had gone gray before it went invisible.

HolyMaracas January 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Barry as a second term, gray-haired POTUS sure beats the hell out of one with Alzheimer's, doesn't it?

Sassomatic January 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm

This hair-dyeing theory is ridiculous. Obvs he has DOUBLES people, just like the other Hussein.

OneYieldRegular January 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I've always considered it salt 'n' pepper, myself.

mereoblivion January 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

He hot, cool & vicious. ('cept when he oils the 'fro, then he hot, cool & viscous.

Extemporanus January 21, 2011 at 4:59 pm

♪♫ Oil, baby, baby,
Baby, baby…
♪♫

baconzgood January 21, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Wait a sec. Lighting effects photographs. In the 20 years I studied and was a professional photographer no one told me this???? Next thing you know they'll tell me that natural light, tugsten, fluorescent, and my strobe all have a different temperature in kalvin. WTF!

doxastic January 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I seriously just watched some Youtube videos made by lizard-people believers, that purport to show Clintons/Bushes etc shape-shifting (it was for work! Really!). What they actually show are shadows made from a million high powered camera flashes and digital artifacts. Disappointing.

The point is, I'm glad the national media learned visual interpretation from lizard-people believers. That seems very sound.

ingloriousbytch January 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Maybe if he goes gray, something about him will finally be white enough for the birthers.

jus_wonderin January 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Then they will just pick on his dark children. There are always alternatives with that crowd.

Wadisay January 21, 2011 at 5:04 pm

A little Congolene and he should have it about right.

Radiotherapy January 21, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Everybody forgot he's already half white.

BTWBFDIMHO January 21, 2011 at 4:46 pm

His hair is the new black.

seppdecker January 21, 2011 at 5:10 pm

He needs to get the Krylon and just spray it on if he wants to achieve Reaganhood.

voodooeconomics January 21, 2011 at 5:15 pm

How about the weight? The guy was thin but he is turning into a stick, right before the Republicans, and they just can not comprehend.

jim89048 January 21, 2011 at 6:34 pm

It's those Kenyo-Hawaiian worms.

imissopus January 21, 2011 at 5:16 pm

He's a witch!

Redhead January 21, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Well he turned ME into a newt. I'm still waiting to get better though. Gabby really IS hogging all the healing.

SorosBot January 21, 2011 at 5:27 pm

He is you?

Beetagger January 21, 2011 at 5:41 pm

You mean his hair is in blackface?

WALLYPIP January 21, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I say Obamer gets a Cornell West 'do.

DoktorZoom January 21, 2011 at 7:01 pm

and an ascot

LetUsBray January 21, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Look, brown shoe polish was good enough for St. Ronnie; it should be good enough for Mr. Elitist Arugula-pants, too.

ttommyunger January 21, 2011 at 10:22 pm

It either turns grey or turns loose; or both. It's been that way for eons, so this is news, why?

schvitzatura January 21, 2011 at 11:10 pm

I used to love his converted rice…

Plowmon January 22, 2011 at 9:58 am

There's a tank of Grecian Formula in the WH basement from Reagan days right next to the tank of Chivas from Betty Ford days…

politics_nerd January 22, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Why does bright sunlight hate America?!

MinAgain January 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Only the good dye young.

XOhioan January 22, 2011 at 5:01 pm

It's a radiation burn from getting too close to John Boehner's tan.

Kitten_moon January 24, 2011 at 4:08 am

His face hasn't changed though. Black don't crack!

Tundra Grifter January 24, 2011 at 11:01 am

Uh – wouldn't that be "Jet-black?"

Bookends!

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