WASILLA FAMILY VALUES  3:56 pm January 20, 2011

National Enquirer Says Todd Palin Bangs Hookers

by Ken Layne

We always knew he was banging a lady probably. America’s favorite newspaper, the National Enquirer, has another gross scoop about political celebrities boning people they aren’t married to — this time it’s “first dude” Todd Palin, who is accused of repeatedly banging a hooker who was then arrested for being a prostitute. How will Sarah Palin turn this to her advantage? Easy: Everything is already about Sarah Palin, to Sarah Palin, and this is probably more about (or, er, not about, but not about in a more “about way,” personally) Sarah Palin than most things which are, in fact, only about Sarah Palin in her mind — because she is a delusional narcissistic sociopath who, based on nothing but her greed and lust for cable-news notoriety, believes she should run the world. Anyway, Todd! Who knew, right? He looked so gay!

The newspaper of record reports:

While the story heats up on the internet, The ENQUIRER has uncovered official documents confirming the woman’s arrest, and learned police have confiscated physical evidence that could tie Todd to an alleged extramarital affair.

We have also uncovered documents that show the woman contributed free massages to an anonymous person working for Sarah’s campaign for governor of Alaska.

Haha we’ve been getting this same email the National Enquirer based their whole EXCLUSIVE on, and we just ignored it, because for fuck’s sake we are so tired of the Palins. But, page views, right! Ching Ching! (That is the sound of a cash register, if such a thing even exists anymore, and not the sound of Rush Limbaugh making fun of how the Chinese president talks. Ha ha, Chinese people, what the fuck are they even talking about, amirite?!)

Sarah is going to make somebody write a very heartfelt “America My Heart Is Felt” blood libel bestseller about how fuckin’ Todd wronged her, because she is actually a transvestite. [National Enquirer]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 365 comments }

Troubledog January 20, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Oh good. Something else for her to be a victim about.

RedneckMuslin January 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Even Todd's getting tired of her!

sati_demise January 20, 2011 at 4:23 pm

word.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

She rarely comments on the true scandals, though.

Troubledog January 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm

She doesn't have to say a word about this; she can just stand there in silence, holding her retard baby with a trembling lip and a single tear and they will elevate her to Sainthood.

Afterwards they will go to counseling and renew their vows, because Christianity is all about forgiveness, you know. The 'vangies feed on this shit.

V572625694 January 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm

To palinate about.

Kidneys4Sale January 20, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Can't say a damned thing. Attacking the Enquirer would alienate too much of her base.

EdFlintstone January 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Banging Sarah counts as having sex with a prostitute.

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Bravo!

CapnFatback January 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Bangs them? He marries them!

FNMA January 20, 2011 at 4:13 pm

And I think you'd have to say that Sarah has priced herself out of the market.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Filet mignon price, ground chuck pedigree.

FNMA January 20, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Yeah, not much bang for buck there.

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Ground chuck my ass. Sarah's pedigree is strictly bulk ground "meat" that's seconds away from being beyond its sell-by date.

OC_Surf_Serf January 20, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Jack-in-the-Box's taco protein stuffing?

Crank_Tango January 20, 2011 at 10:49 pm

No shit–when I was a kid I worked in the local supermarket meatroom, and they would take the crappy ass scraps and make the freezer patties out of it. We called it the shit grind.

As far as the fresh stuff goes, when it went grey and shitty, they would grind a heart with it and that would make it red again.

Sarah Palin, shit grind.

Ohmyhat January 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm

[APPLAUSE]

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 5:55 pm

C'mon Ed, don't you know we're not supposed to say "banging" anymore?

Blood Liberal January 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm

Steve Gobie.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Your avatar really creeps me out.

Blood Liberal January 20, 2011 at 11:19 pm

how about Steve Gobie?

imissopus January 20, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Mark Foley. Ted Haggard. Jeff Gannon. George Rekkers.

Thanks for playing.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm

How about if you blow me, Blood Liberal? Make the political point that you want, yet posting as your avatar the face of the monster who killed a slew of people, injured many and took the life of a nine year-old baby girl makes me want to puke. I'm the mother of two daughters and you've obviously, never held a baby girl in your lap, pink as gum, big blueberry eyes looking up at you, with their breath that smells like cookies.

Feel free to slide under a gasoline truck and taste your own arterial spray, asshole.

Refudiation January 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Todd Palin is fucking Steve Gobie, too? Oh, the humanity.

Barbara_i January 21, 2011 at 9:05 am

Grew up one of nine in a family who could afford no children. Children in peril is my Achille's heel. And animals. Sorry for the rant. That avatar is just too much.

Dashboard_Jesus January 20, 2011 at 11:19 pm

wow that's the biggest p-ness I ever saw for a single comment, well done Ed, you're at least a 5-diamond whore now!!

Tommmcatt January 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Sarah who?

(I know, I know. Just wishful thinking.)

cheaphits January 21, 2011 at 8:08 am

I luvs the story, thanx Nat Eq…today's paper of record and one of about three of the print and broadcast media that still do any real investigative journalism.

Let's just double hope that Sarah was there with a gallon of baby seal blood, a case of virulent gonorrhea, a trained donkey, that Shailey is Todd's half sister, one cup, a totem pole and an undercover cop.

THAT might be enough to make her "Sarah Who" in about three months.

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Are you sure he wasn't snorting meth and banging a male prostitute? They exist you know. Even in Alaska.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Frozen Eskimo ladyboyjuice on a stick!

Beowoof January 20, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Maybe Todd was being banged by a male prostitute,

Terry January 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm

The difference is that in Alaska, a male prostitute wears Carhart overalls rather than short shorts.

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2011 at 7:48 pm

But enough smack talk about Levi.

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:07 am

And, instead of heels he wears mukluks if you get an Alaska Native up on the North Slope.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm

If the rumors that Kathleen Parker is about to be fired from Parker-Spitzer are true, I think we've found our new co-host.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

The whore, not the Todd, right?

LetUsBray January 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm

How do you tell 'em apart?

HistoriCat January 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm

The prostitute has integrity.

FNMA January 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I don't know. How many whore diamonds does she have?

Clancy_Pants January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Read comments then post, read comments then post, read comments then post.. Will I never learn?

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm

[Edit] See post below, as IntenseDebate hates me.

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm

But Greta Van Susteren already has a job at FOX.

CZL January 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

A Palin-Spitzer sounds like a German snuff porn move.

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Ewww. Physical evidence linking Toad to an extra-marital affair. Ewww. No more. These people are just too tacky.

RedneckMuslin January 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

It could just mean snow machine tracks on her back.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Prostie got run over by the First Dude
Walking home from the bordello Christmas Eve
Now you can say there's not such thing as Grifting
But as for me & Piper we believe

JadedDissonance January 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Tacky as in that slightly-sticky feeling between finger and thumb?

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:08 am

Probably a pair of shit-stained Fruit-of-the-Looms.

OC_Surf_Serf January 20, 2011 at 4:02 pm

and "confiscated physical evidence"…the spare key to the Ice Diamond whore's snowmachine?

DerrickWildcat January 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Sarah should lower her prices for Todd.

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:08 am

Oooo, I see what you did there. So good.

ringletwraith January 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Sarah will stand by her man, because that's what Hillary did. And she and Hillary have a lot of things in common. Also.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 4:31 pm

18 million spermatozoa on our marriages's dignity.

Angry_Marmot January 21, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Damn, who stayed up counting those?

Clancy_Pants January 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Parker-Spitzer covering this tonight? I'd be interested in Eliot's take.

deanbooth January 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm

A Spitzer take, I'd guess.

prommie January 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Alaska trailer trash dudes bang hookers? No fucking way.

V572625694 January 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Can you imagine the sheer skankiness of a hooker working some Alaska pipeline camp in the middle of nowhere?

baconzgood January 20, 2011 at 4:35 pm

It's called "trading up"

baconzgood January 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm

It's called trading up.

prommie January 20, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Shudder!

HolyMaracas January 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Was it at Wasilla's Motel 6 or at Todd's cousin's meth lab?

GOPCrusher January 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Waiting for the other shoe to drop and find out that they were also biologically related.

cheaphits January 21, 2011 at 12:32 am

In Republican circles that's called "family values", I believe.

neiltheblaze January 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Well, hell, do you blame him?

Beowoof January 20, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Naw the thought of banging Sarah, everyday, for how many years, and then she probably wants him to talk to her, saying sweet nothings, such as you are hot Sarah, also too you betcha, and I know you love money me too, and then her reposnse OH GOD you betcha, OH GOD also too.

BaldarTFlagass January 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

"sound of Rush Limbaugh making fun of how the Chinese president talks."

Tangential I know, but wasn't that all about Shaquille O'Neal bagging on Yao Ming?

Also, who could blame Todd, too. Hmmm?

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Sound of one hand fapping?

trampndirtdown January 21, 2011 at 12:25 am

Yeah with the distinction that Shaq said he was sorry when people were offended.

nounverb911 January 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Prostitutes are easier to sleep with than (mama) grizzly bears.

OkieDokieDog January 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

This is all Obama's fault.

I bet the Palinites are already praying for Todd to give up his evil liberal hooker sent by the devil to woo him away from the Divine Miss P. I predict a renewal of wedding vows in the future.

This too; also tee hee & LMAO. Couldn't happen to a nicer couple.

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm

And in the Xtian cosmology, all he has to do is ask the Lord (Xenu?) for forgiveness and everything is alrighty again. Of course then he's her brother and she's his sister and all, but that's a problem for another day, you bet'cha!

bumfug January 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Poor Todd, forced to choose between a sleazy, cum-splattered piece of amoral dreck …and a prostitute.

sati_demise January 20, 2011 at 4:20 pm

hey-oh!

baconzgood January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

(rim shot)

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Upvote for most appropriate use of the term "rim shot" on Wonkette, ever.

hunnybee January 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm

perfect

trampndirtdown January 21, 2011 at 12:26 am

Welcome hun.

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

"cum-splattered piece of amoral dreck" FTW.

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

In fairness, that was lifted straight from Sarah Palin's last "State of the State" address.

GOPCrusher January 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Cum-splattered piece of amoral dreck=Great Band Name

JadedDissonance January 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Whatever. The Enquirer said all that crap about that wonderful boy John Edwards, and not a lick of it came true!

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Yeah, they really messed up that time, didn't they!

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Remember that when the National Enquirer went after John Edwards, the right wing nutz made it out to be The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Times all rolled into one – just the best newspaper ever!

Now it will be villified as a rag nobody should pay the slightest bit of attention to.

The conservatives still linger over Miss Monica's "Blue Dress" – physical evidence of this dalliance is going to be gross, in poor taste, and beyond what the public should be reading about. Just watch – it will happen!

I forgot "Stage III" – the routine plea for privacy during this difficult time for the family. Like the conservatives ever believed in that – other than for one of their own, of course.

And who is the happiest guy in the USofA tonight? The governor of Alabama – he's off the center of the stage now, for sure. You betcha!

Rambone January 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Don't retreat, Sarah! Reload!*

* (and I am not encouraging gun violence in any way, shape or form)

baconzgood January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Hee-Hee. You said "load"

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Exactly. If Sarah would have been more committed to loading, this never would have happened.

Grief_Lessons January 20, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Wow, everything this gal touches just turns to gold.

JoeBiteme January 21, 2011 at 8:54 am

HAAAAAA Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I love it…

EdFlintstone January 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

The hooker is named Shailey Tripp, so that's where Bristol got the name for her kid.

weejee January 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Todd was Tripping delight funtastic?

neiltheblaze January 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Any relation to Linda?

ringletwraith January 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Let's just hope there is no relation to Tripp.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

Angry_Marmot January 21, 2011 at 8:44 pm

A cousin of Grady Tripp who used to sing with the Trapps.

mumbly_joe January 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Ugh, sounds painful.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Shailey Tripp–incubus, or succubus?

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I saw what you did there. Well done!

Mahousu January 20, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Shailey gets very good reviews at insiderpages:
Do you feel the "physician" spends an appropriate amount of time with you? 5 of 5 stars.
Ease of scheduling urgent appointments when you feel "ill" 5 of 5 stars
How long do you have to wait before you see the "physician"? Under 10 min.
Now that's customer service!

mrblifil January 21, 2011 at 11:47 am

Hmmm…there even seem to be some customer reviews…

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Hopefully the national lamestream media will soon defer all Palin related coverage to the National Enquire where it belongs. Is Trig the Batboy? Also

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Spilling his seed!? Not true!! I will not be a part of this semen-libel.

genxr January 20, 2011 at 4:08 pm

This is a clear-cut case of body fluid libel.

DerrickWildcat January 20, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I don't know, but I've been told…

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm

It's awfully cold….

__kth__ January 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm

It's so cold in Alaska

Moonbat January 21, 2011 at 9:01 am

It's such an icy feeling…

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Whores and hockey players? Wrong punchline?

trampndirtdown January 21, 2011 at 12:30 am

That it's like a wizard's sleeve? no wait that doesn't rhyme.

Sassomatic January 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Well, he was already married to a media whore, so this isn't much different.

Buzz Feedback January 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm

"Happy Ending" from an Alaskan masseuse involves whale fat and a vibrating harpoon.

HolyMaracas January 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm

We can't really blame Todd for wanting to bang somebody with higher moral standards.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:25 pm

At least whores (the good ones anyway) know when to STFU already.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm

The whores also actually work for a living.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Hard ass-workers, just like Brisket!

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:12 am

ROTFL @ "Brisket".

emmelemm January 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm

And once again, they don't quit half-way through like SOME people we could mention.

walstib January 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Have you seen the boothog Todd's bangin'?

The Snowbilly's hoohaw must have teeth or somethin'…

And also, too.

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Mebbe it's just all wore out. All them damn kids. What did pore ol' Todd do to deserve 'em?

Sassomatic January 20, 2011 at 4:13 pm

So how soon will we see this whore on Dancing With the Stars?

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Wait a minute. Which whore are we talking about? Sarah or the one Tawd's banging?

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Yes.

Weenus299 January 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Don't blame Toad. Sarah just quits halfway through …

genxr January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Quits halfway through so she can go post on facebook, for fucks sake.

JadedDissonance January 20, 2011 at 5:10 pm

You deserve a solid round of fisting for that.

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 6:04 pm

…and it's not her fault, she just wants to go on to bigger and better ways to "serve the 'mericun people."

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm

This shouldn't really be a surprise, nor should the rumors about Sarah's alleged affair, if true. Among the trashier, teabagg-ish section of the population, cheating is apparently much more common, and treated as no big deal by acquaintances, than among the decadent liberal elites.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Is that you, Ross Douchehat?

Rarian Rakista January 20, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Evangelical Christians pretty much drive the cost of divorce lawyers up for everyone. My staunch teapartier Aunt Ruth is on her 4th husband and has already confessed to cheating on him with her 1st, who she at this point might remarry because he was the only one she ever loved.

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Not Perfect, Just Forgiven™.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Yet it's people who love each other and happen to have the same type of genitals that are destroying marriage. Note to fundies: you are the reason the divorce rate you love to complain about is so high, and it's because you idiots rush into marriage without even living together first; you should not get married until you're sure.

miss_grundy January 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Actually fundies are more into shotgun weddings. Perhaps they get a discount from the NRA?

MsQuasimodo January 23, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Fundies don't know how one gets pregnant, they do not know about contraception or STDs, because, you know, abstinence sex ed and abortion's murder and Jebus said no sex before marriage, hur hur hur

horsedreamer_1 January 21, 2011 at 10:29 am

When Bill Clinton's mother did that, it was low.

Now, with your aunt — American ingenuity.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm

The problem is that Sarah never shuts up enough to give a decent blow job.

emmelemm January 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I believe the correct phrase is "Cha-ching!" for a cash register sound. "Ching ching" really is more like Rush Limbaugh making fun of Chinese people.

Ken Layne January 20, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Oh well thanks for telling me how to lose my entire SECOND TOPICAL REFERENCE JOKE. Some of us are trying to make *art* out of this bullshit, you know?

miss_grundy January 20, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I thought cash registers made more of a ka-ching sound myself.

Troubledog January 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

She's not really a whore. Those are surveyor's marks along the veins and between her toes.

slithytoves January 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

At least the nature of this attack on Sarah Palin will be more to her intellectual level rather than how her "discourse" aka talkiness has contributed to inflamed vitriol (you know she had to fucking look that word up).

sati_demise January 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Holy hell! This could backfire. I mean, look at Hillary, for gods sake.

Help!

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm

There, there. Hillary is actually smart, talented, and accomplished. It's not like she spent the next decade squawking and braying about how her dude done her wrong.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Also the whole Monica thing didn't come after Hillary had an affair with Bill's business partner.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2011 at 7:33 pm

That was the first thought I had. I'm sure the vast majority of the women who see themselves as mama grizzly types spend a lot of time worried about where their husbands are when they're at their church meetings and scrap-booking clubs.

cheaphits January 21, 2011 at 12:45 am

Ah yes, unless Sarah watched, paid for or joined in the action, don't think even her most devoted baggers could get behind that…not in public anyway, but that scenario is the stuff republican wet dreams are made of..

It at least shows that Nailin' Palin is not as satisfying as advertised.

ImpureScience January 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Aye, they are sisters now…

weejee January 20, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Will Sarah be turning the First Dude into kinetic art – a Calderesque snowbilly mobile?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

That clip is the most sense Rush has made for a while. I can only imagine what the Chinese must think of us when they hear his ignorant jibberish. God what human turd.

zhubajie January 20, 2011 at 9:54 pm

You can be pretty sure that no one cares. No one has even heard of Limpbowel. If they have, well, probably someone would notice that he's an ultra-rightist, like the KMT in Taiwan.

smokefilledroommate January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

massage therapist and computer technologist

Shailey, Orly. Orly, Shailey.

gvvt January 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm

and whore. Bangin' out code all day, workin' the whole Alaskan night.

SudsMcKenzie January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I hope this story has a happy ending.

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

In many ways, it already does.

Weenus299 January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Was her name Bristol or Willow?

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Or Whistle or Brillo?

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Taking odds on Todd's peculiar fetishes, those which can't be "handled" at home, due to Sarah's frigid "Arctic Circle."
:
Hooker dresses like sexy librarian 2:1
Performs sex acts euphemistically called "snow plow" 3:2
Hooker has tramp-stamp of Alaska map on ass; Todd sees Russia 4:1
Hooker shouts "Drill baby drill" at moment of truth: 3:1

WunkRocker January 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Shailey has a penis. Even Money (shot).

Rarian Rakista January 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Singing the Mr Plow song while churning the butter is not considered sexy by the women folk, a lesson I learned in my bygone youth. Carry on.

Lascauxcaveman January 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm

For an extra $20, will repeat the phrase "It's so big" during the act- 2:1

sarjo January 20, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Oh, please. Sarah does all that not just at home, but in front of a live audience.

PalinPussyPower January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Why is Mr. Snowbilly paying for some Strange? Greta would have given up the pussy for gratis.

__kth__ January 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Todd's a good enough lookin guy that he probably doesn't have to pay for the sex, but only for the discretion and for them to go away when their services are no longer required. I'm thinking Greta would be more the "I will not be igNORED, Dan" kind of liaison.

Beowoof January 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm

I could see that going all Fatal Attraction on Todd.

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 6:07 pm

"…and for them to go away when their services are no longer required…"

That might be the most tantalizing, irresistable, captivating thing of all for Todd. Worth any amount of money.

HistoriCat January 20, 2011 at 10:02 pm

And here I thought he was just happy he could bang a woman who didn't want to wear the strap-on!

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Rarian Rakista January 20, 2011 at 6:43 pm

That's not a vagina! Its a battle station.

cheaphits January 21, 2011 at 12:52 am

Maybe to Sarah, Todd, maybe not…she might charge him.

MrsBiggTime January 21, 2011 at 9:04 am

Wait a minute, Greta's a girl? Is that what you're saying? I mean, you are talking about real pussy here, not that kind of 'prison pussy' Todd wears on his face?? Wow. Just wow.

OneDollarJuana January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Fuckin' Chinese. How do they work?

J Rbt. Oppenheiner January 21, 2011 at 7:52 am

hard and cheap.

zhubajie January 23, 2011 at 4:21 am

They get a nap after lunch.

OneDollarJuana January 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm

And no wonder Todd is banging a hooker. Sarah always quits halfway through.

mumbly_joe January 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm

This one deserves the gold, sir or madam.

mavenmaven January 20, 2011 at 4:23 pm

It wasn't an affair, he just needed help carrying his luggage.

TanzbodenKoenig January 20, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Today, we are all bangin' hookers.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I used to think this family was perfect for Springer.

Now, it's clear, Maury needs to do a whole week of "who's the baby-father?".

EdFlintstone January 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Just think everytime Bristol looks down at her bundle of joy, she can be reminded of daddy's whore. That's white trash hall of fame shit there.

baconzgood January 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I want to make a snark about him going to prostitutes because she is such a bitchy-self involved-fridiged-whiney lover and she pouts when she doesn't get exactly what she wants when she wants it….But that would mean I'd have to think about her having sex, which is sort of like watching someone kick a puppy really hard into the face of a baby. So you'll just have to make up your own.

Oh- BLOOD LIBEL

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Also.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Seriously, if this is true, fingers crossed, the party is at my house!

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm

OK, but…what's the diagonal on your plasma? And is it 3D?

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 4:53 pm

60 inches, 3-D, no.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

What does it matter what size the TV is? My husband is a corporate business executive for a company that owns 3 casinos, 17 restaurants…..(still care what size the TV is, lol?)

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 5:45 pm

OK, how leggy are the showgirls?

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm

At what height would you consider a woman "leggy?"

HistoriCat January 20, 2011 at 10:04 pm

Chet your standards are too high.

elviouslyqueer January 20, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Size queen.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm

What booze will be involved?

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Soros, whatever your little robot heart desires. If we run out we can just whip out the blender and make Nyquiladas. Arrive in 3 weeks from tomorrow and you can go to Scottsdale and then to Vegas with us.

We can make up cocktails of our own and name them after Palin. Sex-on-the-bitch, shooters (natch) Tequlila-wolf-from-a-helicopter.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Hand-crafted Vancouver bud, right, not that Mexican dirt weed?

undeterredbyreality January 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Is ice-water and bitters a cocktail? Cuz that would make a great Palin.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Hilarious!

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Nyquiladas. Ha! I'd never heard of that.

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Shailey Tripp is on Facebook – let's all friend her.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

I see there is an accountant (?) in New Orleans with that name, which is not germane, but there is a massage therapist in Wasilla, same name.

Happy ending, eh, now, Todd?

[Bro-fist]

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Well, crap – now the Wasilla Tripp has pulled her profile. That's ok girl, you'll always be my BFF for this one.

HistoriCat January 20, 2011 at 10:06 pm

Please tell me someone got screenshots.

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:18 am

I second that.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Sigh. Yes, Rush, the Chinese talk like that; one of them also put pee-pee in your coke. Way to act both racist and like a ten-year-old.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I've allways been fascinated by idiots who go into Chinese retaurants and make fun of the server. Dude, they are going to handle your food. I went to Burger King with a friend who ordered at the drive-thru and the employee couldn't understand him. He shouts back, "get the order right, idiot!" I was like, no thanks, I'm not hungry anymore.

CrunchyKnee January 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Greta Van is a whore???!?!?!?111!?

FlownOver January 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Why would you make that sound like a question?

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm

You say that as if you are surprised.

BornInATrailer January 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm

How's that happy, end-y thing workin' out fer ya?

V572625694 January 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Wait a minute, the Enquirer is not a reputable news source. They make outrageous allegations which are…uh, right more often than not. Just ask Johnny! And his lawyers!

GOPCrusher January 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Jose Canseco approves of this comment.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Any relation to Linda Tripp?
That would be sweet.

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm

That's just an ugly thought.

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Word is that Linda Tripp had some serious plastic surgery, so we have to judge based on behavioral evidence. So I think it's the same person.

Beetagger January 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Todd has to pay for it in order to fu*k without listening to the Snow Harpy all the while. Major boner-killer. You betcha.

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I like that. Snow Harpy.

MrsBiggTime January 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Excellent photo of Shailey Tripp at http://nydn.us/eQdTvg
Speaking of semen stains, she does look a bit like she's related to Linda Tripp.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Dude looks like a lady.

EdFlintstone January 20, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I never knew semen could be so fattening..

superdave January 20, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Oh dear lord!

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That was the same reaction I had to Al Gore's alleged massage therapist.

GOPCrusher January 20, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Jesus H. Christo, I realize it's Alaska, but Tawd could have done better than that.

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm

All that matters is that he thinks he moved up from Sarah.

Moleman_v3 January 20, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Well, somebody opted for the cold weather package.

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm

(rim shot).

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

"I did not share Eskimo kisses with that woman, Miss Tripp."

- Todd Palin

Beowoof January 20, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Woof.

sati_demise January 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Juicy!
A native just like Todd!

4TheTurnstiles January 20, 2011 at 7:12 pm

I like 'em round, and big! When I'm throwin' a gig I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal… Now here's my scandal!

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:06 pm

That blouse makes her look heavy.

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:19 pm

From the look of that picture, I'd say he may have been in it for the blubber.

Callyson January 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Oh great–now I can't get Donna Summer's "She Works Hard for the Money" out of my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TKQcWEXSKU

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm

This is what our journalistic institutions have come to–a pack of sled dogs lashed into a frenzy by the latest issue of the National Enquirer. Mush, media, mush!!

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I like that Arctic touch. So apropos.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm

It was explained to me that men don't pay prostitutes to have sex. They pay them not to be there when they wake up.

Sheesko January 20, 2011 at 10:42 pm

This is absolutely true. And to listen to, and pretend to believe, their lies about what great successes they are in whatever business they say they're in. Please do not ask me how I know this.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 11:11 pm

It's just between the two of us, pinkie swear?

WIDTAP January 20, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Clearly this is the fault of the Democrats. As we all know, hookers are notorious liberals. Uh…I mean as you all know…uh… I mean … its been reported that….also.

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm

First of all, Congratulations to Wonkette of getting a picture of Todd and his Whore up before the Enquirer did. Bravo!

Second, I cannot wait for Palin's Facebook video where she states that if it wasn't for the English taking away Jack the Ripper's Second Amendment rights, we wouldn't have to worry about whores like this.

Third, any equivalency you draw between whoever Todd is sleeping with for money and Bristol making money for sleeping around with whoever is just so ill founded. After all, the Todd's whore appears to have real skills.

Finally, is Rush now stealing Stephen Colbert's bits? What's next? Bill O'Reilly doing a fifteen minute take down of Glenn Beck's chalkboard lifted from Jon Stewart? The whole world has gone macaca!

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Damn it, it's just too easy. Enjoy your pageviews, wonkeet…

Monsieur_Grumpe January 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm

http://www.alltherapist.com/shailey-tripp-review….

Absolute proof of Todd's indiscretion.

WIDTAP January 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm

You sir are a damn google goldmine!

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm

That was freaking hilarious! Thank you!

102415 January 21, 2011 at 2:27 am

Yes! Please give the lady your votes. This is hard work. Yes, you know it is.

Angry_Marmot January 21, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Gal's got spunk.

sportshort January 20, 2011 at 4:48 pm

He's just showing he has Presidential timber. Harhar, wink, wink, sigh. Now I'm tired.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Todd, your family is rich now; you can splurge and don't have to settle for the fat hooker.

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Todd's got that Esquimau thing going for him. He like's 'em plump.

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm

She looks kind of like the doctor's secretary on "Northern Exposure".

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm

They are igloo ugly — but he's really inuit.

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Todd's a master of Aleutian.

(I love you're hummer, to.)

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Yukons always make me lappe — deleted or otherwise.

crybabyboehner January 20, 2011 at 4:54 pm

After living with Ms. Thang for these many years he was probably thinking of the Sheen Doctrine:

You don't pay them for sex, you pay them to GO AWAY.

GOPCrusher January 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Well, she's never home to bang. Would Sarah be happier if Todd was banging the kids?

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Are you sure he's not? Hey, his grandson is NAMED after the ho. I'm just sayin'…

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm

He's a commercial fisherman hookerman alright.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 6:13 pm

So Sarah was just assuming that he was a master baiter?

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 7:00 pm

He must have just lost his 'lure.

__kth__ January 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Sarah's thinking, damn, I had the name Shailey picked out for when Willow gets knocked up and I have to pretend it's mine.

Schmannnity January 20, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Timing sucks–too late for Dickcember too early for Fibuary.

SenileAgitation January 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

There's always Jizzuary

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Yeah, Eskimohouary just isn't funny.

BarackMyWorld January 20, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Anything I could possibly have came up with to say about this has already been said.

You fuckers.

gullywompr January 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Will this family stop at nothing just to get themselves a media story?

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 11:07 pm

No.

102415 January 21, 2011 at 2:30 am

No.

OldRedneck January 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Do you suppose Todd pays these hookers with money Sarah earned from Fox??/

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Money Sarah "earned"; you forgot the scare quotes, the woman hasn't earned one cent her entire life.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm

Money, like oil, is fungible. Just ask $arah.

HistoriCat January 20, 2011 at 10:14 pm

I don't think she knows what fungible means. Probably thinks it's some weird vaginal disease.

MiniMencken January 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Seems like ever'body in the whole wide world is gettin' some strange 'ceptin' me. Should I become a Republican?

GOPCrusher January 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm

I concur. Perhaps I should either become Republiklan or lower my moral standards.

starfanglednut January 20, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Same thing.

undeterredbyreality January 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Depends on just how strange you like it.

WIDTAP January 20, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Oh please don't. The last stop on that train is in a men's bathroom making offers of $20 to give other men blowjobs.

fuflans January 20, 2011 at 5:17 pm

i can't wait to see mercede and bristol's facebook exchange.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 5:41 pm

"Your Dad sleeps with hores" "Nuh uh, ur brother is a retard" "Yeah, so is urs" "OMG, did you see those adorable Ugg boots I wore to Family Court?"

__kth__ January 20, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Also we need to know if Shailey Tripp offers the second shakra, for balance.

4TheTurnstiles January 20, 2011 at 7:16 pm

This is Wonkette. We're all about the ol' muladhara, if you know what I mean <wink>

jaegermeister January 20, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Shtuping everything in site. It's how the Palin's roll.

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 5:23 pm

Fuck you, IntenseDebate.

Also, too: that cunt.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm

I didn't think it was like you to euthanize your own post.

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 6:22 pm

IntenseDebate left me with no other choice but to go all RU-486 on its ass:

By the time my heartbreaking comment of staggering genius finally crowned, the thread was already awash in the acerbic afterbirth of a few too many disconcertingly similar Wonketteer womb rats.

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Don't Quit; just Re-post.

Moleman_v3 January 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm

When reached for comment, Mr. Palin's spokesman denied the allegations and said during his absences from the Palin household, his client had been hiking the Iditarod Trail.

cheaphits January 21, 2011 at 1:14 am

I've been to Alaska – know what the "Iditarod Trail" is?

It involves a couple, and Eskimo prostitute, a totem pole and a team of sled dogs…use your imagination.

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 4:22 am

And meth, lots and lots of crystal meth.

lochnessmonster January 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

My money was on finding out Sarah Mama Grizzly Bear Lipstick on a Pitbull Palin, Todd, Greta & her hubby were swingers and they'd uncover some video of their "partying". However when I think about it, she's never home and running around the country with her kids. What's a guy to do in Alaska all alone?

Worthly Wokette Skum January 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Boredw/Gravity January 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I wonder if Sarah thinks this stabs hearts.

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 11:08 pm

I wonder if Sarah is thinking of stabbing hearts?

102415 January 21, 2011 at 2:37 am

She doesn't give a shit. Why would she? It will just make her a victim which she and her followers need to pretend to be. I think it was done on purpose to get over the blood libel mistake. Poor Sarah. Poor United States of America.

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm

HEADLINE HOOKER: "Igloo of Ill Refute"

(Lamestream media, leave the money on my IntenseDresser on your way out.)

undeterredbyreality January 20, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Sarah: Rebootyate this!

Extemporanus January 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm

And my comment didn't even have any replies to it when it was deleted!

Fucking IntenseDebate…how does it work?!

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I guess I hit reply after you deleted, but it went through because it was still on my screen (I was reading by "last activity" and so didn't know someone had given the same link earlier).

LionelHutzEsq January 20, 2011 at 6:06 pm

What is the difference between Todd having sex with the massues and Sarah Palin.

In one case he is having sex with an obnoxious whore that is only in it for the money, in the other case, he is having sex with a prostitute.

FlownOver January 20, 2011 at 6:08 pm

"Tripp pleaded no contest on June 13, 2010 with sentencing set for June 15, 2011. She agreed to … not post advertisements on CraigsList…."

Can't wait for Governor QuittyWhine to weigh in on how the evil government is trampling on Ms. Tripp's great first amendment rights.

hagajim January 20, 2011 at 6:09 pm

So let's get this right…The First Dude watches his "clearly a total bitch" wife cash in for some $14 million being "America's Next Famewhore" and he decides to pay for some hot hooker sex? Fuck, if I were him I'd go all Charlie Sheen and get some coke and booze too….it's Alaska and the snowcunt right? Seems like a no brainer to me.

BklynIlluminati January 20, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Duh! Our Lady of Perpetual Harpy doesn't put out. geez do you blame the guy…

billy_reuben January 20, 2011 at 6:14 pm

This is good news for John McCain.

hunnybee January 20, 2011 at 6:24 pm

good one

Tundra Grifter January 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Just exactly how many Alaskan pipelayers are there??

GregComlish January 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Mutually gratifying sex is a form of Socialism. Todd should be applauded for his innovative Capitalist solutions to this age-old problem. Only through vigilant masturbation and prostitution are our actions consistent with rational self-interest. Sarah teaches us this in every single one of her media appearances.

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm

In direct violation of the one-drop rule. He must be punished.

Toomush_Infer January 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Yeah, well, all comments above aside- sadly, Sarah won't be aware of this, because only enquiring minds want to know….

The_Great_Gazoo January 20, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Wait, her name is Shailey Tripp? Really?

undeterredbyreality January 20, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Todd goes in, Todd goes out…

not that Dewey January 20, 2011 at 10:16 pm

You can't explain it.

MiniMencken January 20, 2011 at 7:03 pm

I, for one, can't wait to read about the happy ending.

4TheTurnstiles January 20, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Context: Frank Gifford hooked up with teh hookers because Kathie Lee wouldn't put out the buttsecks.

Connection: Like Frank Gifford, Todd Palin is married to a constipated, verbose, vain, and vapid talking head. And like Mr Gifford, Mr Palin is clearly *not* wearing the pants.

Speculation: Mrs Palin doesn't do the buttsecks?

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm

I think it's more likely that Sarah and Kathie Lee won't do anything that will prevent them from talking.

4TheTurnstiles January 20, 2011 at 8:50 pm

…and since both talk out their asses… Oh, I get it.

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Look, I hate Sarah as much as the next guy. But Kathie Lee is QUEEN of the pig people. That's cold.

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:26 am

ROTFLMAO

SorosBot January 20, 2011 at 9:25 pm

See what happens when you don't follow Dan Savage's advice and be "good, giving, and game"?

zhubajie January 20, 2011 at 9:43 pm

If she did, she might not be constipated!

jim89048 January 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Every time she does, she gets knocked up, so you can't much blame her.

Radiotherapy January 20, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Headline:
The First Dude Likes Eskimo Pie.

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm

He has given up Crosshair Pie.

transfatz January 20, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Hefty, hefty hef ty.

4TheTurnstiles January 20, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Her body language says "no self esteem." Which says something about Todd…

VinnyThePooh January 20, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Todd is back in the game, now that HabCare finally rid him of that mysterious rash he got from Sarah.

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 7:59 pm

What did y'all expect from these hillbillies? This is why locals refer to Wasilla as "swaller holler".

Pragmatist2 January 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm

What self-respecting hooker would have sex with Todd Palin?

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Well, Sarah did. Oh, wait. For any number of reasons? Never mind. Weirrrd family.

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 1:26 am

Wait, what is this thing you call a "self-respecting hooker"? Isn't that an oxymoron?

mourningnmerica January 20, 2011 at 8:16 pm

When asked if he was cheating, Todd replied "I'm innuit."

sarjo January 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm

To repeat:

"Todd Palin schtupping overweight massage therapist in refudiation of Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign?"

Limeylizzie January 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm

If it would make that nasal voiced, mean-spirited, narcissistic, attention-mongering cunt go away, I would fuck Todd.hell at this point I'd even go down on Palin if she would fuck-off.

4TheTurnstiles January 20, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Could be, though, that her voicebox would relax if she finally busted an oyster. She's got the No Orgasm Blues written all over her. As my little league coach used to say (a large man of African American descent), "she needs to get fucked by a big black guy." Or a woman who looks like John Goodman.

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 11:13 pm

But first, she would have to realize that there are, in fact, other people in the world. Some of whom could or would ew do her.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Thanks for "taking one for the team" Lizzie. You rock!

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm

You're a bigger person than I, Liz.

Love the new look, by the way.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 11:12 pm

The hairnet is hawt, eh?

Steverino247 January 20, 2011 at 10:01 pm

And they wouldn't even have to wear a "certain" uniform? Wow! You are generous to us!

OldWiseWizard January 20, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Man, the idea of being a prostitute in a state exclusively inhabited by meth-addled lost souls is already sadder than a hundred Todd Solondz movies. Throw in having your titties, over-sensitive from breast feeding, being tickled first dude's goatee and you have a bonafied Oprah book club staple.

zhubajie January 20, 2011 at 9:40 pm

You can be absolutely certain that almost no one in China has heard of Rush Limbaugh. Nor would they care much what a pang laowai (fat paleface) says.

sati_demise January 21, 2011 at 12:33 am

well thats a relief!

Negropolis January 21, 2011 at 4:21 am

Probably, because they have their own Rush Limbaughs (probably in the thousands) to point out the evils of America.

zhubajie January 21, 2011 at 7:38 am

No, worse, they believe all the cliches they see in movies like "Sleepless in Seattle" or "Ghost."

Here in Kunming, the local school district is actually buying Focus on the Family materials for their so-called sex ed class!

zhubajie January 20, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Remember, Todd is a sailor! And an oilfield worker! He comes home once a year, makes the mama-grisly PG. What do you think he does the other 360 days a year? Of course he scr*ws hookers! Probably Eskimoes or skinny blonde Russians!

ChessieNefercat January 20, 2011 at 11:15 pm

You are so logical. Of course you're right. Probably quiet Eskimoes or skinny blonde Russians?

zhubajie January 21, 2011 at 7:40 am

Well, someone heard sex noises while waiting their turn at the Thrilla in Wasilla Massage Parlor!

transfatz January 20, 2011 at 9:42 pm

"Commercial Fishing" is the new Appalachian Trail.

Edit: Damn, Radiotherapy.

johnnyzhivago January 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm

The great thing about the Palins is that just when you think they couldn't get any stupider, or sleazier, or skankier – they deliver!

I don't know why they only have a TV show – they could make up a whole basic cable package.

Pragmatist2 January 20, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Question: What's the difference between an Alaska trailer park hooker and the former Governor of Alaska?
Answer: Lipstick

les_gvt January 20, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Riley Hunetr was in Alaska?

politics_nerd January 20, 2011 at 11:20 pm

JER-RY!! JER-RY!! JER-RY!!!!

mrblifil January 20, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Considering how she likes to fuck the occasional moose, I don't think she'd better plan on being too high and mighty.

slowhansolo January 21, 2011 at 1:03 am

Man, these people are pros. Soon as something happens that seriously takes the shine from old Sarah, old Todd steps up and takes one for the team.

I'd applaud if I didn't already have my head in the oven.

AddHomonym January 21, 2011 at 1:54 am

This post has been up for nine hours and still no Drudge link. Puzzling.

SaintRond January 21, 2011 at 2:38 am

Even imagining the noise Sarah Palin makes when she's being fucked really hard is enough to make my head hurt. Of course her husband is going to want to bang someone else.

102415 January 21, 2011 at 2:54 am

Planned distraction from the blood libel mess. No one cares but the supermarket shoppers, who have her confused with Sandra Bullock.Remember when they were getting a divorce last year? Well now they can do it. Todd gets the ugly house and child support/alimony and next year he marries Shailey. Sarah moves to the chick pad in Phoenix adopts a child and wins an Emmy.

Silversmith January 21, 2011 at 3:29 am

I think y'all are missing the bigger story here if you haven't read down a paragraph or two – just take Jennifer Aniston out for a few drinks and you're gold.

AKbum January 21, 2011 at 4:42 am

This is Ollllllllld news in AK. Sarah hasn't been giving it up for YEARS. Her political "career" is the only thing stopping an outright divorce (though, that never stopped Gingrich). He's been "slapped on the wrist" by both the Anchorage PD and the AST, and this is COMMON knowledge.

Extemporanus January 21, 2011 at 7:25 am

DIE, ZOMBIE FUCKING COMMENT, DIE!

I deleted my original dumb comment to death in the head less than a minute after it posted [Because: IntenseDURRRbate bullshit + thread refresh/reread FAIL = fucking retardundant comment]. AND YET!

My deleted comment hath miraculously risen all Lazarus-like and shit from whichever Commodore 64 cassette drive our Lord Wonkette had it buried in! Why did this happen?!

This time, I'm gonna delete its fucking head off. If it comes back after that, RUN!

zhubajie January 21, 2011 at 7:31 am

So how many hookers are there in Wasilla? Anyone know?

doxastic January 21, 2011 at 8:28 am

Jeez, if anyone ever needed to quit their job to spend more time with their family, it's this lady.

Darklady January 21, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Seriously… who can blame him?

Sarah looks dapper in a tight suit dress… but she also looks icy, selfish, and just plain not sensual/sexual. She seems to use her sexuality like a weapon or a tool, but not as a means towards pleasure or emotional intimacy.

The massage therapist will likely be made fun of because she's plump, but she also looks warm, friendly, and like someone who'd be good company. Sex workers provide a valuable service to their clients and Todd looks like someone who's long overdue for a little bit of servicing.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Well, don't send away the ones you've already got on my account! I'm sure they'll be fine.

Chet Kincaid January 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

Not a matter of height, necessarily: http://www.spike.com/video/woman-crushes/3347370

Blood Liberal January 21, 2011 at 11:17 am

Liberals, shit grind.

Blood Liberal January 21, 2011 at 11:18 am

typical arrogance and projection

teebob2000 January 21, 2011 at 11:57 am

Day late and a dollar short, asshat.

teebob2000 January 21, 2011 at 11:59 am

Fuck you.

ShaveTheWhales January 24, 2011 at 5:32 am

Neilist, just stop it.

102415 January 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Well you can't get an Academy Award unless you make a movie.
Oh,no….

zhubajie January 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

They want the abstinence for girls part. Also, surprisingly, somenational level leaders have bought into the “Protestantism Makes YouRich” nonsense. I suspect they've been getting it from the likes ofCreflo Dollar, not Max Weber! :-(

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