Every news headline should include a question mark, because readers don’t turn to the news for facts, they turn to it for insinuation. And at least one individual at the Daily Caller caller understands this, gracing the world with this story: “Highway safety spokesperson blames pedestrian deaths on Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign?” Question mark indeed. This article links to a Washington Examiner interview with Governors Highway Safety Association Executive Director Barbara Harsha, who opined that the rise in pedestrian deaths from 2009 to 2010 may be due to people heeding Michelle Obama’s initiative to move around and eat healthily instead of scraping off one’s own bedsores, dipping them in garlic butter, and forgetting to chew them on the way down. Yeah, that’s probably it.
“There’s an emphasis these days to getting fit, and I think people doing that are more exposed to risk [of getting hit by a vehicle],” Harsha told the Examiner. “Obviously, further study is needed.”
That’s how they kill you, by tricking you into being healthy! It all makes sense now. That’s why our bodies tell us we prefer sauced fried-chicken orbs to vegetables: because they know if we get healthy, we will get hit by a car and die. It’s called self-preservation, and it’s why our ancestors created the dialysis machine right after they invented the wheel.
(Michelle Obama’s program has no impact. Every American has already heard they should eat healthy and exercise. Everyone should shut up. We have more important things to discuss, like putting chipotle flavor into the sauces of our sauced fried-chicken orbs. Mmm.) [Daily Caller]
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I have to stop reading wonket after lunch.
It's fun watching a political party in complete meltdown, knowing they are losing losing losing.
Huh?
You're not even trying to make sense. This is the worst kind of spamming. Are you going to give us a discount on Viagre or something, 'cause that's far more interesting.
Fuck you.
Barb needs to shut her pie hole.
Makes sense to me?
As someone who rides a bicycle regularly, I can assure you that motorists are a dangerous and clueless lot, and you're risking your life every time you go out there on public roads.
Also, as a motorist, I can assure you that motorists are a dangerous and clueless lot, and you're risking your life every time you go out there on public roads.
Oh well, fat people are easier to run over, yet harder to kidnap. There is good and bad to everything, except Sarah Palin.
I disagree. The trick is to drug the fatties, knock them over onto sedan chairs and carry them off. All the witnesses will automatically assume that you're Steve-O or Tom Greene or some shit. Lord knows those assholes could use the media bump, anyhow. Everybody wins.
Someone needs to write a virus for the Hoverround firmware that makes them head directly into traffic once in a while.
Sub it out to Microsoft, done deal. Next?
I would like to see them herded together in long lines like Wall-E.
Toyota was doing that, but they got caught.
Fat people are definitely easier to run over, especially since they aren't so nimble…however, they dent the fuck out of your car a lot worse than the 90 lb. weakling.
Hit 'em in the panniculum. You just bounce off.
How many fat people do you see walking near you while you are driving? That is why they are worth more points when you hit them – thay are much more rare than a skinny pedestrian.
Well, I know it's not pedestrians, but my tally of run-over bicyclists on the bucolic country roads where I go motorvating has risen dramatically over the last couple of years. Hell, I had to replace the deer guard on the F250 a couple months back.
Good for you! Serves their Spandex asses right for insisting (with grandiose arm-waving) that you pass them — without realizing that if you do so, you will more likely than not meet the front end of an oncoming vehicle that they cannot see.
Open the windows for some fresh air, stationary bike in front of the big screen on the Travel Channel or some Netflix travel documentary, bingo. I'm safe, got my cardio, and went cycling in Tuscany/Pyrenees/Vosges Mountains this afternoon.
What you don't get, however, is the adrenaline rush that comes when you're up on two wheels, weaving in and out of traffic, in a hailstorm, at night.
You won't understand it 'til you try it.
Ah yes, the good ol' "Cavuto Mark". The first refuge of the douchebag.
Fat People are easier to see, also slower travelling which means more reaction time.
They should make Freddy Mercury the Head of Transportation Safety. His message about fat bottomed girls could save many lives.
My Dad always loved this poster when I had it up.
http://crankking.blogspot.com/2010/12/bicycle-rac…
I loves me the fat bottomed girls.
Harsha, Harsha, Harsha. BTW I manage to run everyday & have yet to get hit by a car, but I'm also not a stupid nitwit that forgets to LOOK for cars.
Better plug in your ipod and turn it up real loud, wear black at night, and just look straight ahead cuz' you're obviously doing it wrong!!!
I've never run with an iPod or Walkman (a reference for us oldsters)….wouldn't want any pleasure to ease any of the pain/misery and so I can hear cars. Also.
"Todd Palin schtupping overweight massage therapist in refudiation of Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign?"
Film @ 11?
It's true. Before, they just had massive infarcts eating Cheetos on the sofa like real Merikans.
If you heart hurts after walking up a flight of stairs, the only way to make it stop hurling is to walk up more stairs, that is my theory.
Isn't this why we have Walmarts – so the poor can walk around and shop for horrible accessories?
so the poor can
walk aroundrun down able-bodied non-fat customers with their tricked-out Hoverrounds and shop for horrible accessories?/fixed.
Obesity Scooters, they have gone all terrain, some come with tank tracks now. Run for your lives!
http://media.photobucket.com/image/all%20terrain%…
Would the pedestrians have been run over had they been riding around in their Hoverounds? I don't think so!
This is GREAT news for Haley Barbour!
Your move, Hoveround.
I'd say pedestrian deaths are more do to the fact that a lot of drivers are insane, completely oblivious to what's happening around them, and don't believe in obeying traffic laws. Hell, some of them seem to deliberately come close to hitting people, and particularly bicyclists.
Yeah, but I'd bet at least a few of the deaths could be attributable to people texting obliviously while walking and wandering out into traffic, or yakking on the cell or lost in the new Lady Gaga album on their ipods. In other words, whether walking or driving, people are oblivious idiots.
I once saw a jogger run into an open sidewalk grate (how it got opened was another story of idiocy) while a bunch of us who were standing around it to prevent exactly that from happening were screaming and waving our arms at him to stop; the guy had an ipod on and was paying no attention. Strangely he was actually OK after that fall.
Especially cyclists and runners. It's like the Tea Party types (fat white blowhards) have put out a jihad on them fitness commies. Fer Amuricuh.
Yep; as Atrios has noted by pointing to a number of newspaper comment threads, the wost pedestrian haters seem to be people commuting in from the exurbs which they moved to once to get away from the black people, and who hate the city and are very angry that the roads aren't set up solely for the convenience of theirs. Full teatard types who I wish would just stick to their lily-white gated communities instead of infesting the city.
It's not the exercise that kills your. It is eating all that fiber, which forces you to pull over and spend uncomfortable minutes by the side of the road crapping your ass off until, bam, you are hit by a semi.
I had to defend a case where a guy got hit when he pulled over, got out of the driver's seat, pulled it out and started wandering up to the middle line so he could "pee on the yellow line." No, the depo transcript does not read, "recess called while counsel laughs uncontrollably."
Every day when I am riding my skateboard to the bar (to read the complimentary newspaper and have a water), I think to myself "will this be my last? Damn you, Michelle!"
Lol, you're crazy! I hope you at least tip the bartender something now and again.
But of course. And there's usually a healthy dose of whiskey in the water as well.
As a former EMT, I can actually attest to this: there have been known cases where a big fat fatso got mowed down by some asshole who was twatting while driving, and the only reason he survived was because his enormous rolls of adipose tissue cushioned the blow and sheltered his vitals, like giant, curd-filled, pillows. It happens, really.
Of course, usually the guy dies the next day from heart failure, but when that happens, it's clearly because of Space-Gandalf's plan.
My skinny-ass would be dead on impact. Time to fatten up, I guess.
Sexting obese pregnant teen drunk driver runs over elderly vegetarian jogger. Irony?
America.
*Obviously*, more study is needed.
Is Bristol preggers again?
One minor correction, Jack. Garlic butter is not the preferred au jus for bedsores. For that, you need a decent Sauce Bernaise.
UPDATE: Harsha now claims she was misquoted, by which she means "quoted" but soon realized what she said was stupid.
Actually, given the fact that the source of this story is the Examiner (which is kind of a Moonie Times lite), I'm inclined to believe that Harsha's comments were deliberately twisted.
TBD might have been the first to break this story, and paints a different picture: http://www.tbd.com/blogs/tbd-on-foot/2011/01/exam…
I blame Joe Biden's motorcade.
The fact that people are poorer and may walk more accordingly has absolutely nothing to do with it. Besides, only elitists have time to walk. Real Americans drive to their jobs in SUVs.
Did you ever try to eat a salad while driving?
Did you ever try to
eattoss a salad while driving?Tougher yet.
Or grow one, while driving, in the car that is now your only home?
Well, from observations in my area, it's more likely due to construction or inadequate sidewalks forcing people to walk in the road. Idiots who jaywalk in the middle of busy streets, too. People running red left turn arrows, long after they're gone red.
All that said, I was hit by a car a few years back walking in a crosswalk with the walk signal going. An old man decided to make his right turn on red without looking to his right. Put me right up across his hood, like a deer, until he hit the brakes and I rolled off. Terrible experience.
But were you on a diet at the time? If so, it was your own damn fault you were hit.
I'm female. I've been on a diet since I was a zygote.
Silly, hysterical females…
Turning seems to be the biggest source of accidents; I can't tell you the number of times I've seen someone nearly run over (or nearly been so myself) by some moron who either doesn't know or care that a pedestrian crossing with the light has the right of way; you fucking wait.
Too true. Every accident I've been in (some the other person's fault, some…not) has involved turning. Could we get exterior airbags on each corner?
Bus driver here in Oregon did an illegal turn that killed 3 people, no criminal charges and the union is fighting for her license and job back. If you want to get away with murder, use a car.
Fat people also are easier gun targets. Just sayin'.
Yes, but it's less likely the bullet will hit anything but blubber. Next time somebody calls me fat, I'm just going to say it's the extra weight I need to protect me while I live in Tucson.
Get Moving …and DIE!!!
Could it be that we've gotten so skinny drivers can no longer see us? Or is it that our meth-addled brains can't comprehend crosswalks? Or maybe drivers, doing the cost/benefit analysis, realize it's way too expensive to nail a fatty. I blame super-silent hybrid cars. Fucking Prius.
I was out pedestrianizing a couple weeks ago when a man driving while eating sushi with chopsticks nearly ran me over. "Emphasis on getting fit" —> eating sushi —> chopsticks while driving —> pedestrian deaths. Anti-obesity campaign leads to pedestrian deaths, case closed.
How much do you want to bet that Harsha is fat, white, and a Republican?
See for yourself, below! It's not pretty.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.ru…
OH CHRIST! DEAR GOD WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? SWEET DEEP-FRIED JEEBUS ON A STICK! CAN NOT UNSEE.
Don't Harsha my buzza.
Cool! Now if I get hit by a car while walking I can blame the FLOTUS instead of me being a douchbag playing Angry Birds on my elitist iPhone instead of paying attention to where I'm walking. Yay.
Was that you walking across Georgia Avenue against the light yesterday??? 6 lanes of traffic- now that is the game you were playing!
Perambulation does not imply causation.
Barbara <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl =http://www.ruralsafety.umn.edu/events/summerinstitute/2010/images/harsha.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.ruralsafety.umn.edu/events/summerinstitute/2010/&usg=__SNFSjyySCMH5eTUZ6nmk-h62WK4=&h=125&w=180&sz=37&hl=en&start=0&sig2=_D_VYPh3PH7uhBmC7WPPIg&zoom=1&tbnid=Nz1r0x2Iy52L-M:&tbnh=100&tbnw=141&ei=HYw4TY7IJoO6sQOJnJiAAw&prev=/images?q=Barbara+Harsha&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=828&bih=837&tbs=isch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=341&oei=KYw4Tdj3EpLmsQOxvK2ZAw&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=110&ty=33%20%20%3Ca%20href=" target="_blank">Harsha was kind of hot in that movie "Last Summer."
“Obviously, further study is needed.”
YOU THINK?!?!?
Barbara "problem loading this page" Harsha?
Oh, but to suggest that Teatard public figures literally waving guns around, screaching "lock and load" and "take them out," and promising to use "second amendment remedies" might provoke someone to, you know, "take them out" with their "second amendment remedies," thats so far beyond irresponsible as to be fascist tyrannical constitution-stomping blood libel.
I can just hear it now, the fat drug addict bloviating "ladies and gentlemen, more people have been killed as a direct result of Michelle Obama's fitness campaign, than by all the guns in america combined." And then that teatard AG from Virgina will indict her for murder.
Excellent logic Babs. Nice to see you and that big brain of yours have risen to the top of a large, governmental agency.
Another possibility is that we proletariat see what idiotic, steaming pantloads have wound up in positions of authority and are wandering into traffic to make it all go away…
Post hoc ergo SuperSize propter hoc.
Word salad, in Latin!
Arigato goziemas-ta. (My Latin has left me).
Really doesn't make any sense to me. S'pose Beck and Limbaugh were out power-walking together, somewhere along the George Washington Parkway. S'pose further you were behind the wheel of your all-American muscle car, burning through a gallon every 12 miles, when you came up upon these jiggling, fleece-wrapped turds. S'pose further that you immediately gunned it, a desperate smile on your face, and ran into these rotund, sweaty lard-asses. Who wins, your Dodge Charger? Are you kidding? America is yet to build an automobile with that much integrity.
Let's just put it this way, I would stop by a Ford dealership and they would both get a Probe up their asses.
Hey, now, it's not easy to see over the rim of a Big Gulp when you're in past the ears. On the other hand, the obese will die far more painful deaths the longer they live, so this is really working out well for them. I have no humanity whatsoever today.
Quick, someone get Fucker Carleson some spanx and those ridiculous exercise shoes, give him an hour lunch, and send him out on a "jog".
Fucker is a man busy getting Cleveland Bowties from Karl Rove.
The fit pedestrians are much harder to hit than the fatties, its more sporting that way.
It is easy to catch the fat ones waddling along in the supersize sweatsuit.
Super-extra-deluxe-whooper-doubledowner-link-fail-with-cheese!
I struggled for half an hour trying to get the HTML to work. One little edit and KABLOOEY! Anyway, the hideous picture is above.
Probably not your fault, anyway.
I'm guessing Intense Debate is effing with us at random, judging by how many wry and wittily observant comments of mine have disappeared from this thread alone (three, but who's counting?)
Are you sure these people are really trying to get fit? In this economy, maybe they're just hoping to get hit on purpose so they can cash in on a lawsuit.
Some people are going to jail to get health coverage.
Way back when, we had a constant reminder of how dangerous the street was — but then Frogger became obsolete, and that knowledge has almost disappeared.
I play frogger on my phone – daily
But the episode of Seinfeld will live on forever.
I missed the part of Michelle Obama's spiel when she showed a powerpoint slide of good areas to get exercise and it turned out to be a Google Earth picture of the Washington Beltway.
♫♪ Fatty got run over by a U-Haul
Walking through a crosswalk by his home
I blame that sleeveless bitch Michelle Obama
She just won't goddamn leave fatties alone ♪♫
♪♫ He wanted to go outside
so we begged him not to go
Much more to do here inside
like eating lard and playing games
with cousin Joe ♪♫
Reba, pass me them pork rinds…
The Daily Caller links to the Washington Examiner? If stupidity were painful, that would be moving from one circle of hell to the next. Any further and we'd be right up Satan's anus.
The campaign to make the Daily Caller the silliest name in news is proceeding apace!
How many points do I get for hitting one of those fat wingnuts that only run once a year?
Better yet, the ones who only run in even-numbered years.
Fat be nimble,
fat be quick,
fat move your ass,
or you're an oil slick!
How does her imaginary death toll stack up against Laura Bush's real one??
FTW
here are some handy tips for fattie walking newbies:
1. if you are in a city with heavy traffic (ny, chicago) meh, fuck the traffic. it mostly crawls at three miles an hour and if you make aggressive hand gestures while you are walking / running, generally you will get your way.
2. unless you are in los angeles, in which case you should drive to your nearest
health club. this probably goes for AZ cities too only i never want to go there.
3. if you are in the suburbs you are likely fat anyway so why bother? just hop in the car head to olive garden and sideswipe as many pedestrians as you can find on the way.
4. if you are in a rural area, you are either a hippie refugee from the agressive consumerism of urban life and own an organic honey farm in which case you certainly don't need health tips OR you are hard working family owned farming type and have far too little income and far too many things to do to worry about walking for godssakes.
Ok, so eventually pedestrians will become SO fat, they'll be a danger to motorists.
Cowcatchers will be making a comeback?
And do know how bad this rise in pedestrian death has been? Seven; that's seven people, not percent.
http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2011/01/there…
I got the PRius- now I just need to start seeing some more people walking.
Might be time to turn over a new Leaf…
My brother's uncle was killed by a car while exercising. The SUV crashed right into the Planet Fitness. Tragic, really.
Yeah I have noticed a bit more pedestrians, those that can't afford a big 4×4 like mine, walking their fat carcass to one of their three fast food jobs they have to work to keep their bills one month behind. By the way tubby-no-teeth I said no caramel in the latte…..these drive up window folks just piss me off.
Wow, the commenters on bow tie boy's site hate him on this one. Why so much hate, cynicism and logic?
Jesus jumped up Christ in a chariot-driven sidecar!
I heard this when I was a tiny child and never understood it, but remembered it due to the memorable rhythm of the words (like "son of a bitchin bastard" which my mother said all the time but which got me slapped when she heard me crooning it to my dolly).
Anyway, it is clear that the aforementioned phrase was a lost fragment caught in the space time continuum, and overheard by a small child, and was actually spoken decades later in response to this utterly hare-brained story.
“Obviously, further study is needed.” is the new "it'd be irresponsible not to speculate."
Have you guys ever seen a car destroyed after a crash with a deer? I imagine that's what it's like to hit a moridly obese person, only with more M&M McFlurries flying all over the dashboard.
Ugh, I have to rant about this – this shit gets me het up because it's the same damn argument they make about why cyclists shouldn't share the road with cars. If the goddam planners would organize businesses so you don't need to drive a car to get you a carton of milk, and made more pedestrian and cycling-friendly paths to those businesses, the fatties behind the wheel could tweet all the fuck they want – GAHGHHH!
Notice how rarely spokesmen say "Further uninformed speculation is needed"?
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