America’s strangest joke of a newspaper is the Washington Post, an Onion-style bland suburban daily that seems to shrink deeper into itself each morning. With a news section full of utterly random paragraph-sized chunks from yesterday’s washingtonpost.com and a bizarre op-ed section featuring press releases submitted by the offices of politicians and the confused yammerings of senile embarrassments like Richard Cohen, the paper appears to be nothing less than an elaborate satire of Washington’s dull insularity and tunnel vision. But, according to accountants, it’s actually a very real cash drain on the Kaplan for-profit education scam company that owns the WaPo. So we are also subjected to endless humiliating attempts to make the paper “relevant” or “for the YouTube,” and the most recent effort goes where the Washington Post has rarely ventured before: to the black part of town — the black part of town with boobs, in fact.
We watched a few minutes of this amateurish video on Tuesday, we think, and almost posted something then, but we had second thoughts because who cares, right? Well, apparently, the entire white male staff of the Washington Post cares, a lot, because having this lady with her boobs doing a webcast is somehow going to erode the WaPo brand more than, oh, three decades of boot-licking journalistic mediocrity.
For details, we turn to Fishbowl DC, the unintentionally bizarre blog/cry for help about Washington media:
WaPo‘s editorial staff is anguished and angry over a new feature called “Post Now Video Cast” that the publication is touting. In it, Anqoinette Crosby anchors a newscast.
“Almost everyone thinks it sucks. It’s an absolute embarrassment. My God, have you seen her twin turbos? The dancing bears are rolling in their graves,” an inside source told FishbowlDC. Sources say the premier episode is a source of “teeth gnashing” in the newsroom and referred to the newscaster as “the chick with the boobs.”
Each day, Crosby (a.k.a. “AQ”) will report on a variety of news multiple times a day. Yesterday was the ice (hailed widely as a “piece of crap”). Today it’s the Chinese prez visiting the White House and AQ breaking it down. Though not as dominant as Day 1, the “girls” are on display and AQ is sporting tall, leather black boots.
Who writes like this? Oh, right. Anyway, people in the WaPo newsroom are so upset about this black lady having boobs and doing a webcast! Please, let’s bring dignity (and shriveled white weiners) back to the WaPo video offerings! Let’s bring back … Mouthpiece Theater. [Fishbowl DC]