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Talking crap about us, pandas?Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People’s Republic of China, as a “dictator” and a murdering “gangster”? Our pandas have been SECURED. That’s right, Washington, your pandas have signed a five-year extension, so you can rest assured that your mediocre zoo will continue to be somewhat used for something other than as a jogging track. “The pandas may be a cultural attraction we had to borrow from China, but everything in Washington is borrowed from China, and we need something to put on our Metro cards.” But despite the free speech grandstanding, if China suddenly becomes a democracy we probably will lose the pandas, haha.

Mei Xiang and Tian Tian have been at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., for 10 years. And with today’s agreement, they can stay for another five, Secretary-General of the China Wildlife Conservation Association Zang Chunlin announced.

The current agreement officially expired in December, but an extension of the pair’s stay was expected. There is an official signing ceremony of the extended research agreement scheduled for Thursday morning at the National Zoo.

Did the pandas put little America jerseys over their business suits like sports players do at the announcement of their signing?

But yeah, like we said, those pandas are totally headed back to China if it becomes a democracy, because the people probably don’t like us having them. (It’s called “populism.”) Pandas are a precious resource over there, because they’re even better than children at making toys out of plastic and lead. [WSJ]

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