BRINGING GRIDLOCK TO THE ARMED FORCES  5:40 pm January 19, 2011

Sad Old John McCain Trying To Get Friend Joe Lieberman Job With Obama

by Jack Stuef

Matching outfits? Of course.Oh for Christ’s sake: “Sen. John McCain, R-AZ, tells CNN he believes his good friend Joe Lieberman would make a good defense secretary for President Obama, calling him ‘one of the most informed members of the Senate on national security issues and homeland security issues.’” How helpful of him! You know, just the other day one of Sasha’s friends was telling Obama he should appoint her to be the princess of America. Obama will take both of these very fine suggestions down on a piece of paper and put them in a sparkly purple box on his desk labeled “THINGS TO CONSIDER VERY CAREFULLY.”

Yeah, Lieberman probably is not the best choice. It’s not a good idea for the guy running wars to slink off and mope and try to destroy everything that is being done as soon as some small thing doesn’t go his way. Probably better to choose Sasha’s friend for that job. Lieberman would make a good stuck-up princess.

With sadness in his voice, the Arizona Republican called Lieberman “the most decent man that I have ever known in the Senate. He lives his religion and is the most generous spirit.”

“He’s not going to go into retirement, he just wants to do other things, and I’ll miss him every single day,” said McCain.

McCain said that Lieberman told him that he is “tired” after 40 years in public service, and admitted that “he knew he had a tough re-election fight” had he chosen to run for a fifth Senate term.

McCain said he will miss their close friendship and camaraderie in the Senate, but also said Lieberman’s retirement will create a “vacancy on national security issues, the Middle East in particular.”

It would save this whole country a lot of irritation if you two would just hurry up and fuck each other. [CNN]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 121 comments }

Extemporanus January 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm

FEEL THE NOMENTUM!

WordSaladNation January 19, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Hey, that's my soon-to-be-ex senator you're talking about!

MLite January 19, 2011 at 5:47 pm

If John and Joe were to fuck, that would leave Lindsey very very sad. OH HAM BISCUITS :..(

Callyson January 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Unless they're both too old for Lindsey. I'm guessing he loses interest in anyone much over 25.

sati_demise January 19, 2011 at 10:19 pm

THREE WAY!

thedeathofirony January 20, 2011 at 6:00 am

Let's get this Lemon Party started…

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:40 am

Poor Lindsey. Always the bridesmate and never the bride.

billy_reuben January 20, 2011 at 5:41 am

Vinager Joe's lemonparty

nounverb911 January 19, 2011 at 5:48 pm

"It would save this whole country a lot of irritation if you two would just hurry up and fuck each other."

How does Lindsey Graham fit into this?

Preferred Customer January 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Tab A, Slot B.

Tommmcatt January 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Oh he does…fit…in…

CZL January 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Lucky Pierre.

comrad_darkness January 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm

He holds the whip?

slowhansolo January 19, 2011 at 11:26 pm

By the inch…

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:40 am

Very carefully? Either that, or simply take it from both ends. **shudders** Look what you done gone and made me do.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2011 at 5:48 pm

"He lives his religion and is the most generous spirit."

Translation: He's a Jew, but the non-stingy kind–can you imagine? HENNNNGH?!

MittsHairHelmet January 19, 2011 at 5:49 pm

As a Jew, I always thought "living my religion" meant being rich, having a bar-mitzvah, pining for Natalie Portman and ordering Chinese on Christmas Eve.

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:43 am

Hey, a few of those things are part of my own religion, too. Namely, pining for Natalie Portman. Or Scarlett Johanssen. Also. Tambien. Oh, or Mila Kunis. So many hot, petite, Hollywood Jewesses, so few hours in the day.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2011 at 5:49 pm

John's just jealous because this means that Joe and Lindsey will now have more time to play house.

nounverb911 January 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm

I thought they played Senate.

Texan_Bulldog January 19, 2011 at 5:51 pm

That picture looks like 2 old coots on a casino-bound bus who got let out to go pee & eat at the Golden Corral all you can eat buffet.

Barbara_i January 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Look at the picture, John has a coupon for the buffet.

Texan_Bulldog January 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Nah, that's got his name & phone number on it in case he forgets who he is again. Kind of like what they pin on your Kindergartner the first week of school.

Barbara_i January 19, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Nah, Cindy prolly wrote his name on the inside of his Depends.

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:46 am

Go West, old men. To Branson. Except, this is no country for old men. So, to Boca Raton!

mrblifil January 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Hey maybe the administration could hire Joe as a Czar to look into what went wrong with Katrina response…oh right, that was his job as co-chair of the Senate Select Subcommittee on Homeland Security, the Congressional body assigned to overlook FEMA. Or how about accountability for 9/11, he could…oh right Homeland Security Committee again. How about Special Prosecutor to the Department of Figuring Out Why Jewish Fundamentalists Haven't Figured Out That Christian Fundamentalists Hate Them.

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm

How about Special Prosecutor to the Department of Figuring Out Why Jewish Fundamentalists Haven't Figured Out That Christian Fundamentalists Hate Them.

Well, he certainly won't have to worry about finding work any time soon.

OneYieldRegular January 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Call me crazy, but I really don't think John McCain should be offering more advice on choices for key positions within ANY administration.

fuflans January 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm

WIN!

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:48 am

Secretary of Defense Sarah Palin.

If you want to scare a child, just tell him or her that Sarah Palin lives under the bed or in their closet and will get them if they don't eat their vegetables.

harry_palmer January 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Obama should consider this in the same way Dick Cheney's contemplating gun control – when he's dead.

Troubledog January 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm

McCain's personnel recommendations are a little shaky, considering how well it worked out when he said Sarah Palin was qualified to be President of the United States.

noodlesalad January 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Surrendering Congress' power to declare war to the President, because he's going to bomb the brown people you don't like = "one of the most informed members of the Senate on national security issues and homeland security issues."

angryclownspawn January 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm

This is the sweetest bromance EVAH! John McCain doesn't even mind it when he gets Joementum all over his lawn, if you know what I mean…

Callyson January 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Oh, hell to the no. If Obama is going to hire a Republican for his staff, at least make it Ah-nahld, who is closer to being a Democrat than Lie-berman ever was.

V572625694 January 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Don't you love how old pols characterize 40 years of getting their dicks sucked by lobbyists as "public service"? They may actually believe it.

Barbara_i January 19, 2011 at 7:13 pm

I think you mean "pubic service" there. Then again, my kitten could be wrong.

metamarcisf January 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Of course, those guys are cute together, but how about this breaking news:
Joan Rivers claims her scheduled appearance on Fox News Channel's "Fox and Friends" Thursday morning has been canceled because of disparaging remarks she made about Sarah Palin, a paid contributor at the network. Rivers said: "They're right to blame Sarah for the shootings. Go look at her website. … This woman is stupid, and a threat."

Oh. The humanity.

LetUsBray January 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

What new horror is this: I'm actually appreciating something Joan Rivers has said.

valgal2342 January 19, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Oh the HumeHannity!

slowhansolo January 19, 2011 at 11:28 pm

When you've lost Joan, you've lost…something your probably didn't in the first place.

HolyMaracas January 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Cause we all now how good McWalnutz is at picking candidates for important roles, right?

__kth__ January 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Well that was the unlikeliest bromance ever, born entirely of political opportunism. IRL, a flyboy like McCain would have nothing but contempt for the sniveling, wincing, craven shell of a man that Lieberman is. The only historical analogue I can think of is Marlon Brando and Wally Cox, but McCain has never been into the transgressive thing afaik.

Gomez571 January 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm

If you were to make a human centipede of the three of them, Joe would be the head, because of the Kosher thing right? Would John or Lindsey take up the rear? Oh yeah, Lindsey obviously.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Joe is definitely a rarity — one of the few people that John McCain found less qualified to run the country than Sarah Palin. If that doesn't merit some sort of high office, then nothing does.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Jack, I spent last weekend hoping Joe Buck and Aaron Rodgers would just "hurry up and fuck each other," but I think your McCain-Lieberman pairing wins for this Porn-of-the-Week. (And bonus: Aunt Lindsey will be SO jealous.)

deanbooth January 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm

All the announcers are on the rebound since Favre left.

Chet Kincaid January 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Although they've put their bromance on hold until after the game, I think there will be some Cutler-on-Rodgers fucking action this Sunday, so to speak, if that'll tide you over. And George Halas will be fucking Lombardi in his grave.

God, that's gross. What I mean is, GO BEARS!! This one's for all the cheese!!

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Thanks for the betting tip.

BerkeleyBear January 19, 2011 at 10:21 pm

I know its OT, but fuck da Bears. I'm still pissed at Lovie for firing Ron Rivera basically out of fear a few years back. For a major city, the franchise is very poorly run, too – very few good draft picks, lots of free agent screw ups and relying on even dumber moves by other teams to succeed. For example, if the Ditkas somehow beat the Fondues, Lovie should personally give Josh McDaniels any Super Bowl bonus he gets for gift wrapping Cutler for them.

I think the game would be for all the brats, not the cheese, since Illinois isn't known for its dairy products.

Chet Kincaid January 20, 2011 at 8:41 am

Damn right. If Lovie wins the Super Bowl by less than 2 touchdowns, he's history!

justkillmenow January 20, 2011 at 11:14 am

Jon Grudin's verbal felating of Tim Tebow – WHO WASN'T EVEN PLAYING IN THE BOWL GAME – was enough to make me vomit.

Jukesgrrl January 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Tebow's turned a lot of guys who thought they were straight. It's that irresistible combination of an arm strong enough to throw a football AND wave a big cross.

fuflans January 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm

wait!!! SASHA controls the princess appointment??!?!! what about lindsey???

fuflans January 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

also: "He’s not going to go into retirement, he just wants to do other things…"

sounds a lot like a threat.

Not_So_Much January 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Awww, Joe is tired from 40 years of being a spineless, untrustworthy sack of shit. Take him "to a farm upstate" and let him run free. Bowzy bowzy bow wow…

Barrelhse January 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm

"And Bowsie-wow-wow to you, sailor."

jim89048 January 19, 2011 at 6:10 pm
smokefilledroommate January 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Sheesh– I guess one too many 'Marty Farty' jokes and bam! you're dead..

yeah–but great replacement, though. The dead guy, right?

Terry January 19, 2011 at 6:12 pm

A couple of comments:

- Joe Lieberman has a lucrative career as an insurance lobbyist already lined up. He's been in their pocket for years. He wouldn't take a comparatively low paying appointment.

- Sasha and Malia are already princesses of America. Sasha's friend is SOL.

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:57 am

Sasha and Malia could still apportion peerages. You know, the Dutchess of Dakota, the Baroness of 'Bama, the Countess of Kentucky, the Marchioness of Michigan, the Grand Duchy of Delaware, the Viscountess of Virginia, etc…

LionelHutzEsq January 19, 2011 at 6:12 pm

While it wasn't always evident during the Bush Administration, John McCain does realize there is a difference between "Secretary of Defense" and "My Own Personal Fluffer"?

Barrelhse January 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Trigggh!!

MinAgain January 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm

This country could use a good princess or two. After all, we have more than enough court jesters to go around.

qwerty42 January 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Jeebus, McCain must have forgotten that Joe endorsed him and not Obama in 2008. And that was to get ready for a position in the Obama Administration? via Sullivan, here is Jon Chait on Lieberman.

Worthly Wokette Skum January 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Understand these guys do yoga together. Mostly postures.

aguacatero January 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Funny you mention Princess of America, because another of Senator McCain's closest Senate buddies has dibbs on that job.

EdFlintstone January 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm

McCain added that he thought Zell Miller would be an excellent choice to replace Sec. Clinton should she decide to leave.

Jukesgrrl January 19, 2011 at 9:18 pm

That's probably not even a joke.

Bluestatelibel January 19, 2011 at 6:19 pm

I think Depends spokesman would be right up Joe's alley–that is, if the health-insurance companies he whores for still aren't dumping truckloads of cash at his house.

slowhansolo January 19, 2011 at 11:30 pm

"I'm wearing them, and I just did."

BarackMyWorld January 19, 2011 at 6:24 pm

McCain said that Lieberman told him that he is “tired” after 40 years in public service…

Exactly the qualities we should be looking for in a Sec. of Defense.

edgydrifter January 19, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Rick Sanchez and Helen Thomas would NOT approve.

Come here a minute January 19, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Yeah, Obama will get right on that, as soon as he finishes appointing Secretary of State Dick Cheney.

mourningnmerica January 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm

President Obama has not surrendered on any issues for a couple of weeks now. He is no doubt Jonesing for another submission. Maybe Eric Cantor or Lloyd Blankfein for Secretary of Defense.

voodooeconomics January 19, 2011 at 6:28 pm

More like the executioner of Obama. John Mac, where were you during the last 2 years when Joe held the cards and snub O like shit.

bitchincamaro2 January 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

A back-stabbing, mumbley-mouthed, orthodox religionist running the mightiest military in the world. What could go wrong?

iburl January 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

(Joe) Hi, I'm Joe Lieberman and welcome to my new show "Lieberman's Connecticut"…. Here we are at my favorite ice cream parlor, Susie's Scoops… I'll have 1 scoop of vanilla, Susie… (Man shouts from off camera) Up yours, Lieberman! … (Joe) Ha, you'll find that the people of Connecticut say what's on their minds, and that's part of the enormous spirit of Connecticut…Let's just take this ice cream outside… Ah, another beautiful sunny day in Connecticut…. (Woman shouts from off camera) Go to Hell, Joe! … (Joe) OK, let's finish the ice cream in the limo.

ttommyunger January 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Wellllll, he does have years of experience as Secretary of Defense, OF FUCKING ISRAEL!

mourningnmerica January 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Amen.

JackObin January 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Well why stop there, McCain? How about a new cabinet post: Secretary of Stupidity. I think you know someone eminently qualified.

Guppy06 January 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm

I'll miss having Gates around. There's something beautiful about a Bush appointee working to cut defense spending, and pissing off the GOP in the process.

smokefilledroommate January 19, 2011 at 6:40 pm

I'm partial to this pic of all three of them.

thebeatgoeson08 January 19, 2011 at 8:53 pm

ew! i just ate.

thefrontpage January 19, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Everyone knows that either Arnold Schwarzenegger or Ted Nugent should be the Defense Secretary.

Lieberman should just retire, period, and enjoy his retirement. Maybe he could volunteer in the community, perhaps at his local synagogue.

mourningnmerica January 19, 2011 at 7:21 pm

I have to take issue with your comment. Didn't you mean to say that Joe …"should just retire, and die slowly, from the flesh eating bacteria."?

Neoyorquino January 19, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Oh, you crazy kids … can't you see you're in love with each other?

el_donaldo January 19, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Oh, yeah. Obama's actually looking for someone to fill the position of White House concern troll. That's really going to happen.

Tundra Grifter January 19, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Wasn't this "Department of Homeland Security" debacle Joe Lieberman's idea? Isn't the US government a wonderful place, where people fall up?

Meanwhile, if Sen. Joe is such a good guy and knows so much about homeland security and D-## and everything, why didn't Sen. McCain select him as his vice-presidential candidate?

problemwithcaring January 19, 2011 at 7:05 pm

“Sen. John McCain, R-AZ, tells CNN he believes his good friend Joe Lieberman would make a good defense secretary for President Obama."

C'mon McCain. You know Joe is too patriotic to go pallin' around with terrorists.

Barbara_i January 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Joe, I wish I knew how to quit you.

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:58 am

Brokeback Congress

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 8:17 am

Oh Neg, you work on me like a tonic. Funny stuff.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi January 19, 2011 at 7:20 pm

John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Glenn Beck
all demand Joe Lieberman as
AIPAC SecDef
http://www.freakingnews.com/Get-Off-The-Cross-We-

techmom January 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Joe could be the ambassador to the planet Melmac.

bumfug January 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm

You didn't keep turning the box on Obama's desk – the label went around the corner and said "THINGS TO VERY CAREFULLY CONSIDER TOO FUCKING STUPID TO READ."'

CookieGuggleman January 19, 2011 at 8:17 pm

No.

coolhandnuke January 19, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Walnuts and Gefilte Fish–a feast for the infirmed.

Redhead January 19, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Why has this sad old man not been carted off to a nursing home yet? At this point he has less brain functioning than Trig.

Hell, send Droopy Dog with him.

Snarkfest January 19, 2011 at 10:03 pm

"He lives his religion…"

You mean Lieberman dresses in white robes, prepares a banquet beneath a tree and sups with two white bulls. Then he climbs the tree and cuts down a branch of mistletoe with a golden sickle? Then sacrifices the white bulls while the attendants pray to a god?

Oh wait. That's my Pagan meeting this month.

proudgrampa January 19, 2011 at 10:03 pm

I nominate my granddaughter to be Princess of America. She's the cutest!

mookwrthwilson January 19, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I think Joe would make an awesome human toilet.

dyedwool January 19, 2011 at 11:48 pm

I'm not even gonna bother to check the rest of the comments to make sure this hasn't already been posted…because I'm THAT excited about EEYORE getting the HELL outta my hallowed halls! Please to enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtJzeq7NZyo

_MISS_T_ January 20, 2011 at 12:01 am

Poor McCain! Remember how cut up he was when Feingold left? Feingold had to step up his personal security to scrape McCain from his leg. Now Liebermann. And Lindsay's gone in 2012 too; only a matter of months before he, like Joe, 'chooses' to retire rather than suffer the humiliation. Then McCain has NO friends left. It's like those days at school when all the people you REALLY like happen to all be away for whatever reason and you have to swallow your pride and try and weasle into another crowd for the day so as to not be a loner.

UW8316154 January 20, 2011 at 12:24 am

Has anyone asked Sarah Palin how she would feel about this?

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 2:59 am

John's just going to have to buck up and find some other hole to crash his plane into.

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Oh, come on. Not even a solitary pee point? I ain't to proud to beg, that's for damn sure.

bflrtsplk January 20, 2011 at 4:38 am

McCain meant to say Secretary of Depends. Olds tend to misspeak when they get old.

cheaphits January 20, 2011 at 6:12 am

With Joe's fierce, warrior-like vestige we wouldn't need all the planes, boats, soldiers and and stuff, right?

MoeDeLawn January 20, 2011 at 8:02 am

Joe is a classic example of "We should trade him in for a horse, and then shoot the horse. We'd break even."

Thurman Munster IV January 20, 2011 at 8:56 am

Joe just wants to spend more time boring his family

gurukalehuru January 20, 2011 at 8:59 am

‘one of the most informed members of the Senate on national security issues and homeland security issues.’” …for Israel

Ducksworthy January 20, 2011 at 12:25 pm

I hereby nominate Joe for defense minister, of Israel.

NorthStarSpanx January 20, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Given that McCain introduced Sarah Palin as probably the mostest Energy Expert in the entire world, I don't think Joe's got much of a chance in any Administration.

Barbara_i January 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Joe L appeared on the Morning Joe show with Arianna Huffington this morning and called her "sweetheart" Does this mean he's bisexual? He should have done Eva's Gabor's voice and called her "dahlink"

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Joe is such a classy broad, ain't she?

Joey_Ratz January 23, 2011 at 2:10 am

the most decent man that I have ever known in the Senate

Talk about a backhanded compliment. While it is probably true, that's because WALNUTS! and all his friends are republicans. It's a bit like all the praise Paul Ryan gets for at least having some sorta economic plan, even though it is brain-dead and impractical. Man, imagine being a member of any organisation where a schmuck like Lieberman stands out as a paragon of virtue and selflessness…

Barrelhse January 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Yeah, from the Democrat Party.

V572625694 January 19, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Actually the one we have is great, whatever his party. First one evah to snuff big programs for all the services, and ask in public why we need a Navy larger than the next 19 nations' combined. It's one of those Nixon-goes-to-China deals, maybe, but he's doing better than any in my (long but spotty) memory.

Plus he has a sense of humor. On "Sixty Minutes," they asked him, "Aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble for killing these programs and firing generals?"

"What are they gonna do," he asked. "Fire me?"

HistoriCat January 19, 2011 at 8:33 pm

No argument from me – I think he's done great, especially in light of his predecessor. But assuming that he leaves the job before Obama leaves office, we'd better see a Democrat nominated for SecDef. Otherwise, Barry is just going along with the "Democrats are soft on defense" meme and that would be bullshit.

BerkeleyBear January 19, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Gates is, shockingly enough, one of those rare people in government who actually live the idea that their job should be done well regardless of the impact on their favored political party. President told him to cut and he cut. No freaking chance the cuts on the F-35 and Marine landing craft stick (too many contractors – heck, the delagates from Boeing and Lockheed are still fighting over that fuel tanker contract and the second source for the engine for the unneeded F-35s) but it is still nice to see him try.

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