DICK CHENEY HAS GONE SOFT. All you need to do is look at this screengrab from the Today show. Yes, that’s him discussing Angry Birds, a smartphone game commonly played by people who don’t have millions of brown people at their fingertips to murder at will. It’s a sign that his body’s evolved venom sacs, which once powered his body, may no longer be working. Dick Cheney looks hauntingly mortal. And that means he may actually die soon.
And then this, from a man who once personally shot a guy in the face with a spray of gunfire:
Former Vice President Dick Cheney, a staunch gun advocate, says tighter weapons regulations might be “appropriate” to prevent another tragedy like the Arizona mass shootings that left six people dead and a congresswoman seriously wounded.
Cheney, an avid hunter, said he is “willing to listen to ideas” on how to better control the purchase and use of firearms.
(Because he is the person in charge of listening to ideas.)
This is not the Dick Cheney we knew. This Dick Cheney is unpredictable. This Dick Cheney seems a little human. And that makes him all the more horrifying. WHAT IS HE UP TO NOW? This has to be part of some plot. We refuse to believe he will ever die. [MSNBC]
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Is it rude to hope his batteries die soon?
It shows you're human.
Satanpact batteries keep going… and going…and going..and going
When Satan needed a pump to power his excuse for a heart, who did he turn to? Duracell. The battery that evil relies on.
That's why I rely on Energizer, a battery pimped by a crack-out rabbit.
Dick Cheney's gone soft because he's listening to his doctor's instructions that people with heart problems shouldn't take Viagra.
Yes, but Viagra has no effect on robotic hearts, so Dick's in the clear!
Something tells me that without a pulse blood doesn't have the ability to reach the Cheney's dick.
Oh god, I just imagined a Cheney erection. My ladybits have now completely curdled up.
Cheney, an avid hunter…."avid" is that a fancy word for "clumsy"
He's never apologized to dude for shooting him in the face. I'm surprised Dick Cheney loves to hunt so much. The five times the government tried to give him a gun, he got a deferment.
Not only did he NOT apologize, he got the victim to apologize to him.
My grandma can't get over that, that the victim apologized to Cheney.
Me, either.
Dick probably had Ginny Thomas ask the guy to apologize to him.
He doesn't like it when there's a pretty good chance that prey shoots back.
And he's a "canned" hunter at that, bagging hundreds of penned animals– about as sporting as the staked-out rabbits in Monty Python's Upper Class Twit competition.
When hunting Bambi does not shoot back, thus he can go on being a manly man.
Come on now, people, cut him some slack. He was hunting the most dangerous game of all, MAN!
Or it's not having anything to do with ordinary people getting shot up, but rather politicians… politicians like him… precious politicians like him who are loathed by people and some of who are not sane and armed to the teeth because of his kowtowing to the gun lobby for decades.
You're probably exactly right.
There's just too much evil and backed-up bile and blood of dead puppies and kittens coursing through his collapsing veins to have him suddenly develop a conscience.
Nothing concentrates one's mind so much as the realization that one is going to be hanged in the morning! Or in this case prompts introspection.
They say that Lee Atwater spent his last days trying to atone for all the evil shit that he did in his life.
Here's to hoping for an epic fail.
It was too little, too late though.
Kevin Spacey too…
From "Fagin's Last Night Alive":
…To be hanged by the neck, till he was dead—that was the end. To be hanged by the neck till he was dead.
As it came on very dark, he began to think of all the men he had known who had died upon the scaffold; some of them through his means. They rose up, in such quick succession, that he could hardly count them. He had seen some of them die,—and had joked too, because they died with prayers upon their lips. With what a rattling noise the drop went down; and how suddenly they changed, from strong and vigorous men to dangling heaps of clothes!
Some of them might have inhabited that very cell—sat upon that very spot. It was very dark; why didn't they bring a light? The cell had been built for many years. Scores of men must have passed their last hours there. It was like sitting in a vault strewn with dead bodies—the cap, the noose, the pinioned arms, the faces that he knew, even beneath that hideous veil.
Hahahhaaha!
WOW, for once, Cheney's mouth moved and made sounds and they weren't the sounds of an inhuman monster!
I am still heartened by the fact that the man is 69 and looks like he is 99.
it's gotta be a trap of some sort.
He got the heart of the murdered Tucson child, and now is a kind person and finally a real boy.
well played.
Angry Birds?
Buzzards. Circling. Waiting…
Dick Cheney has a special version with Predator drones and Muslims.
You know that level in Angry Birds with the big city background where you blow up that pig-filled bus using the exploding birds?
Oh yeah… and that other one where you blow up the pig-filled plane.
And the one where you bring down the sky scraper.
I've been wondering about that; today at various places online I've seen about a dozen references to this thing, and had never heard of it before. Why is it suddenly showing up everywhere?
Same here! It makes me angry!!!
Because Reporters only know to report on things other Reporters have reported on?
There must be some way that he will be making money from this "listening to ideas" thing, or perhaps maybe he now owns the FBI database and would be able to just say NO to any liberal types wanting to buy an UZI or AK-47 or assorted other shiny bangy objects of killing. There's nothing more dangerous than an armed liberal, ya know.
Oh, I know…
Sure he's willing to listen to gun-control advocates, but just so he can make a list of people who probably won't shoot back the next time he succumbs to his drunken pew-pew urges.
Every time I see him, all I can think is that time is running out to put this guy on trial for his war crimes.
Of course the birds are angry, this shithead likes killing them for kicks!
So?
win
Or, fuckit, maybe some healthcare to treat nutjobs like whatsisfuck BEFORE he even goes out to get a gun, a thong, and a couple hi-cap mags.
(in best Austin Powers voice)
"That's not your inhuman former Vice President – that's a MAN, baby!"
Cheney is not dying, because he cannot die unless someone destroys his phylactery. http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Lich#The_Lich.E2...
Phylactery, shmylactery–get the horcruxes!!!
(horcrii?)
Don't be fooled — Dick Cheney's been willing to listen to ideas that he's already decided he'll strangle like his breakfast kitten since he was a kid. In fact, he starts every day by listening to an idea called "Please stop these rats from gnawing on my face while I sleep." And every day the guy imprisoned in Cheney's basement has a new-found respect for Cheney for even listening to such innovative ideas.
Don't retreat, Dick! Reload! Or you'll have the likes of Rush & Snowbilly calling you a left-leaning pussy.
Someone needs to explain to Dick Cheney that gun control does not include shooting a hunting partner in the face.
By his definition, though, it includes controlling the backlash of shooting a hunting partner in the face; like failing to call the cops for 20 hours and expecting an apology from the shootee.
Well Dick wanted to wait until all the alcohol and unicorn blood was out of his system before reporting…
Cheney-Cthulhu may wane in his power, but he will never die. Moar extra-virgin goat's blood, plz!
Some say they fear him. Others admire him, because he steals his promise. One look in his eye, and everyone denies ever having met him. Ever having met him. Ever having met him.
I'll tell you what else might be appropriate, keeping career criminals like Cheney forever out of public office. His is lower than whale shit.
I wonder if the Westboro folks would mind if I carried one of their cute signs at his funeral, 'cuz part of me totally would (and I often wonder, will Westboro picket Phelps the Elder's funeral?).
I thumb-fisted you up after the comma and reflexively tried again after the parenthesis but was, sadly, denied. But at least I tried, and you know where you had me.
IntenseDebate will not tolerate 2- or 3-deep thumbing, but I appreciate the effort!
I would even take a bus trip to picket old Fred's Funeral.
He once killed a man with a guitar string. He's been seen at the table with kings.
Is that a Dylan lyric? Cuz it sure sounds like one.
Tom Waits. Gah!
And he once invaded a country just to watch a million people die.
And he wants to shoot a "man" named Reno, just to watch her die. Hasn't got to it yet, but it's on his bucket list.
He finally realized which "tyrannical government" the second amendment was talking about.
Do not trust. The Dark Lord has just had a little "setback" is all. Soon as he recovers that persnickety hellblade Stormbringer and feeds on some of his teenage eunuch slaves (selectively bred for this purpose), he'll be right as rain. Don't you worry. BLOOD AND SOULS FOR MY LORD ARIOCH! BLOOD AND SOULS!
Well played sir – Tom Waits & Michael Moorcock in the same thread- must love teh Wonkit!
I can't wait to hear what Neilist says about this.
Say? About your bitter, ineffectual, hypocritical mewlings and pukings about a dying old man?
What's there to say? It's not as if you have the intellects or the will to confront Cheney, or anyone else in power. At least, not if this means living your parents' basements.
And the idea of any of you facing a man with a gun? Even a 16 gauge over and under with a dove load?
Neilist
"He's Back – And Worse Than Ever!"
But I like to mewl!
When the moon is a cold chiseled dagger – sharp enough to draw blood from a stone – he rides through your dreams on a coach and horses. And the fence posts, in the moonlight, look like bones.
A good way to take America's pulse on gun control is to talk to Dick Cheney.
It's funny cuz he has no pulse!
He has a pulse?
Wishing you a nice slow death, pork chop………it's a thrill to see this POS war criminal suffer…..and wither away to nothing.
Can't die soon enough for me
Calling his version hunting is like calling W's sticking firecrackers in the mouths of frogs fishing. Shooting the lawyer was much more sportsmanlike.
Fucking elitist progressive rhinoceros…
He's not faking it anymore, thus he's more relaxed and it shows.
Angry Birds, he is happy to discuss.
Angry Birdshot, however….
Looks like he's needing the end-of-life counseling all the Republicans are howling about.
There is only one explanation for this:
The Body Snatchers is a 1955 science fiction novel by Jack Finney, originally serialized in Colliers Magazine in 1954, which describes the town of Mill Valley being invaded by seeds that have drifted to Earth from space. The seeds replace sleeping people with perfect physical duplicates grown from plantlike pods, while their human victims turn to dust.
The duplicates live only five years, and they cannot sexually reproduce; consequently, if unstopped, they will quickly turn Earth into a dead planet and move on to the next world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Body_Snatchers
Which explains most of Marin County to this day.
I'd still like to see someone punch him hard in the face. Even after he's dead would be fine.
Dick Cheney telling me he'll listen to my ideas is like having a prostitute tell me that I'm "really cute."
What? You think they are being insincere? Shit!
You say that like it's a bad thing…
…better control the purchase and use of firearms
I think all he really means is, keep them out of the hands of persons of color.
That's not Dick Cheney, that's my podiatrist.
I am simply not fooled.
It's a sad state in America where school shootings in recent days are buried blurbs, because the body counts weren't high enough to be front page worthy. Hey just maybe we have a little sanity left that says you dont need an assault rifle or 30 plus bullet magazine. See, Neilist I said magazine, not clip.
Too late. Neilist is now Eleanorist.
Cheney's entering the Uncanny Valley from the far side:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley
Obviously, this is a plot by sneaky shape-shifting anti-gun liberals.
"And that means he may actually die soon."
How's that hopey-changey stuff workin' for ya?
What you fail to understand is that Cheney's version of Angry Birds is connected so that a brown person at a secret CIA prison is killed every time he hits something.
I cannot wait for the online party Wonkette is going to have when this mofo kicks the bucket! If you think Jack drunk-posted before, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
I am loving these recent pix of the Dickster. Those cadaverous features; hollow cheeks, slack jaw, dead eyes….I can almost smell the embalming fluid, lovely!
I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning, it smells like this rat bastard is dead.
A N T I C I P A T I O N………So sweeeet! Now if Dubya could just manage to contract Stage 4 Lung Cancer.
He's pulling a McNamara!
wow.
In his Waffen SS uniform , he felt strong and virile, the bad heart almost seemed like a thing of the past, he knew that the British agent was close at hand and his thin fingers curled around his Luger, then he saw her, the dowdy peasant outfit did nothng to conceal her heaving breasts and he decided that she would be his .Obergruppenfuhrer Cheney grabbed her roughly by the sleeve and forced her into the nearby bakery, he flung her over the counter, her back against the morning's baguettes, his thin lips curled into what passed for a smile. The agent knew of his weakened heart and also knew exactly what to do, opening the front of her blouse and exposing her firm and ample bosom she pressed against him , the evil face above her contorted and the mouth slackened as he grabbed his chest and collapsed on the floor. She tore off a piece of a loaf , buttoned up her blouse and sauntered happily into the street to meet the Resistance leader, knowing her work was done.
Ah a story with a happy ending. I love it.
If there'd been a bit of blood around his lips, I'd have sopped some of it up with the baguette.
Oh Lizzie, of all the horrors of the War, that would have been one of the most unthinkable! I am glad you pulled it out at the end, or rather, didn't.
Need to get his trial going asap. Jesus I am almost in panic mode here! I mean, if he is going to die in jail as God has clearly intended, oh man we have GOT to pick up the pace here.
When it comes to the olds recanting life-long positions as they stare down the empty-pringles-can of their lives, I have nothing negative to say.
Perhaps he has seen the light (at the end of the tunnel)?
That light for Dick cannot come soon enough.
I got a gun control idea for ya, Dick:
Let's round up every single rightwing teabagging Glock-sucker over the age of eighteen, and cut off their pudgy fucking thumbs.
(This solution would lower the likelihood of mass fisting deaths, as well.)
Look Cheney…Vader was able to redeemed himself by throwing the emperor down a power shaft (save that joke for later) but you're going to need to do a hellava lot more than call for gun control.
He probably also needs to confess that Obama is his son to make the storyline work.
On a positive note, that would finally stop the birthers!
What you all fail to notice is…IT'S A TRAP!
I'm not Dr. Frist, but Dick's days are definitely numbered. Move him to the top of the dead pool, guys.
Oh, and if his grave isn't guarded 24 hours a day, I WILL piss on it one day. Evil fuck!
We will be jostling for position in that line.
Wow – he is "willing to listen." And it only took 6 dead and 13 wounded by a deranged man using a 31 round mag! You guys know what that means. We are probably only two or three mass slayings away from getting ol' Cheney into the "consider to support" column, which is just a stone's throw away from "I think that's an issue best left to states."
Bipartisanship!
All Neocon Criminals agree with Dick Cheney.
Who the hell is that, and what has he done with Dick Cheney?
I predict that after he dies, any number of African dictators will enter into a frenzied bidding war for his skull.
Cheney, you might be willing to listen to ideas about gun control but you won't listen to them for long because your foul, dark and disgusting heart will finally stop beating soon and you won't listen to anything anymore.
It can't happen quickly enough.
If it makes you feel any better, his heart stopped beating months ago, thanks to exciting new blood circulation technology they put in the old fucker. Also, because he's a vampire.
It is my understanding that Dick Cheney has already been "dead" for thousands and thousands of years. I do not believe I am incorrect in this. Can anyone refute?
Dick Cheney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life
I met a guy who said that his family knew Cheney in Wyoming, and he was a wonderful human being. You're not that guy, are you?
Because he was an asshole. Just sayin'.
Brain parasites are a bitch.
But to him 'gun control' is hitting your buddy with every shot…
Het Dick, let me reciprocate my concern to you using the same phrase you told Senator Patrick Leahy: "Go Fuck Yourself."
My next vacation trip will be to fly to your grave, grab a Super Big Gulp from a 7-11, fill it with Jack Daniels and spend the afternoon pissing on your grave.
Adios you flacid cockring.
Yay!
I have completely lost my moral high ground.
Yay!
ZOMBIE DICK
Naw, he's just being nice so someone will donate the heart he needs for a transplant. Even dead people don't want to do that.
You think he is fading, but he is just waiting for the beginning of quail season when he will be choosing his heart donor from among several down range hunting companions. This time, he should shoot someone a lot younger and in better shape.
Cheney Cheney bo beanie banana fana fo feenie, fee fi mo meanie, fuck you, asshole.
Franklin and I could not agree more with these posts.
Nothing bespeaks TrueLiberal Courage like our heroic confrontation, via these devastating blog posts, of a sick old dying man that none of us would dare confront in real life.
Even if he was armed only with a 16 gauge over-and-under with a couple of dove loads.
Your all are our Brave Heroes! We salute you!
Cordially,
Eleanor
I tried to confront Dick a few times, but our tax payer funded militarized police force made me stand in a "freedom zone" hundreds of yards away, and then in DC they put us all in jail for a few hours for trying to "heroically confront" Dick.
Cheney's remark on gun control needz moar gunzes. Oh, yeah, blood libel, blood libel, blood libel!
Dick's death count is way down since leaving office…watch for bus loads of
South American nuns plunging off cliffs, fires at Chinese orphanages and a upsurge of violence in Iraq while he recharges and gets used to running on aviation fuel through a carburetor instead of that messy blood and heart stuff.
2012 approaches and I think Romney will be his front man, hell, he's almost as dumb as the Bush boy and a Veep yet unknown who everyone says is like a younger version of Dick Chaney…I suspect that Dan Quayle's son in AZ is being developed as his next avatar, but that's just a guess.
Wheels within wheels.
Heart Like A Wheel
Based on that photo I think they can roll him right to Madame Tussaud's.
Until this cocksucker's lips turn blue, I'm not entertaining the slightest bit of optimism.
As soon as Dick dies, the national debt will be relieved exponentially, what with the 24 hour round the clock security for his entire family and his 24 hour round the clock expert medical supervision that we all pay for.
In about two months they'll be able to staple him to a piece of plywood and roll him directly over to Madame Tussaud's.
Towering over them all is the judge and he is naked dancing, his small feet lively and quick and now in doubletime and bowing to the ladies, huge and pale and hairless, like an enormous infant. He never sleeps, he says. He says he'll never die. He bows to the fiddlers and sashays backwards and throws back his head and laughs deep in his throat and he is a great favorite, the judge. He wafts his hat and the lunar dome of his skull passes palely under the lamps and he swings about and takes possession of one of the fiddles and he pirouettes and makes a pass, two passes, dancing and fiddling all at once. His feet are light and nimble. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, the judge. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.
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