RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  4:17 pm January 19, 2011

RedState Makes It Official: Gays Unworthy of Marriage, Due To Gayness

by Benjamin Frisch

  • Separate but equal is OK for gays because they can’t get pregnant at age 16 and then poop out a million more future-criminals on MTV, which is the only measure of a true American marriage. [RedState]
  • The governor of Hawaii can’t find Barry Soetero’s birth certificate either — MAYBE BECAUSE IT’S IN KENYA, IDIOT. [Visions2America]
  • Pre-existing conditions are no problem whatsoever, because people with acne PROBABLY won’t be denied care. Besides, why didn’t they just use Proactiv® like real Americans Katy Perry and Justin Bieber? [Front Page Mag]
  • For some reason, the gays of San Fransisco don’t like Republicans — perhaps because Republicans want to take away all their gay rights? NOPE. [Gay Patriot]
  • Rush Limbaugh SCHOOLED a liberal on his liberal schooling show, which is national news. [FoxNation]
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Hola wonkerados.

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Barbara_i January 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Gays should NEVER be allowed to marry. Do you know that this would do to our economy with the flowers, the caterers, photographers, etc. More people would be working and unable to attend Tea Party rallies. Don't Ask, Don't Say, I Do!

OC_Surf_Serf January 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm

But, Leviticus said nothin' about lesbians…

SexySmurf January 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm

That's because even Jesus thinks two chicks together is hot.

Texan_Bulldog January 19, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Errr…kd lang & Rosie O'Donnell are hot? I don't think Jesus can even work that miracle.

OC_Surf_Serf January 19, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Wonder if He would just watch or do they each eventually remove one of His sandals? Too soon?

mrblifil January 19, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Too soon? Some would say yes, but then such people also tend to think spaceships will come take them to heaven. For anal probing.

metamarcisf January 19, 2011 at 4:41 pm

He never ran into Bay Buchanan

baconzgood January 19, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I for one am happy for gay people because they can't marry. I wish I couldn't have married and that would have saved me 10 years of unbearable hell that was the pain in the ass called my first wife.

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2011 at 4:29 pm

So, the over/under on the RedState missive is that Dan McLaughlin's boyfriend obviously hasn't been putting out nearly enough.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Or doesn't get the hint whenever they're out shopping and Dan starts looking at the baby stuff.

elviouslyqueer January 19, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Or insists on repeat viewings of Breakfast with Scot.

horsedreamer_1 January 20, 2011 at 9:40 am

Not only have they had to endure a championship drought since 1967, but the Maple Leafs have this film & The Love Guru to sully further their good name.

Weenus299 January 19, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Sure Katy Perry's voice makes me go into seizures. Yet, I would lick that girl's weeping acne if she asked.

Clancy_Pants January 19, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Doh!! I can't believe that douchebag told everyone he'd find the original birth certificate without actually seeing it first. This is going to set teabagger brains on fire.

WhatTheHolyHeck January 19, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I just clicked on that link to Visions2America and the arguments there are so well thought out, reasoned and backed by evidence that I feel I must immediately refudiate my former leftist leanings and fully support any and all efforts to remove that failure of a Mooslin Kenyun Funyun Commie UppityMacaca from the WHITE House.


Amo_of_Bogio January 19, 2011 at 4:36 pm

So married couples who can't / don't want to have children are not legally married. Won't someone please think of the children.

SorosBot January 19, 2011 at 4:47 pm

We need to ban marriage for post-menopause women!

Amo_of_Bogio January 19, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Breeders only…

SorosBot January 19, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Sorry RedState, but the legal debate over same sex marriage does not "comes down to whether there exists any rational basis for distinguishing the two relationships"; in fact, the Supreme Court has yet to articulate what level of scrutiny to use for discrimination based on sexual orientation; in the Colorado case it found their discriminatory law did not even meet the minimal rational basis standard so there was no need to determine it, and Leonard v Texas was decided on due process grounds, not equal protection.

Sorry Birthers, but the "eligibility question" will not impact Obama's reelection chances because the only people who believe your bullshit are far-right morons who would never vote for him anyway; and the reason they haven't released a "long-form, hospital-generated birthcertificate [sic]" is because there is no such thing.

There's no way I'm actually listening to a clip from Rush's show.

baconzgood January 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I didn't listen to Fat-so either but I can sum it up. "Bllllallllacijde. Moronic rambeling from someone who's the self proclaimed head of the Republican party even though I never finished one year of prestigious Southeast Missouri State University (the high school after high school). Blallallhhhaien. I'm wacked out on drugs and my token black friend is the most racest supreme court justice next to Scalia and I haven't seen my penis since the 1977. Blaaagagagga I don't know what to say about the country for three hours a day so I just riffle papers about and talk out my ass"

Thank you I'm here all week.

HempDogbane January 19, 2011 at 6:22 pm

30 seconds will get you this: "The Left called us murderers, Pat." I don't know what else is on there, but the man is making sense to me. However, there must be a rule somewhere about using the words "Rush Limbaugh" and "school" in the same sentence. Kind of like two spaces after a period, even if you do it, you know it's wrong.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Excellent argument the RedStater makes for preventing gay marriage — it's taken, I presume, from the argument against freeing the slaves because so many of them were illiterate, and it surely doesn't point to the huge favoring in adoption of married hetero couples over, say, unmarried-because-it's-illegal gay couples.

SorosBot January 19, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Or how many adoption agencies are run by the Catholic Church, which shut down adoption services in Massachusetts rather than comply with anti-discrimination law.

SayItWithWookies January 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Well, the Church considers it a sacred duty to keep young innocents out of the hands of — oh, nevermind.

Buckminster January 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm

And of course it's okay to discriminate against the children of gay couples because their parents are gay! It's so obvious that these gay-progeny should not have the benefit of 2 parents in a committed relationship that is recognized by the state! I totally get it. Not.

nounverb911 January 19, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Being born is a pre-existing condition!

mereoblivion January 19, 2011 at 4:49 pm

So if I'm keen on euthanasia I better make sure I've got one airtight policy?

Weenus299 January 19, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Life is a pre-existing condition. Insurance companies should reward the AbortionSatan masses.

jim89048 January 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Teh gheyz have the right to opposite-marry, same as everyone else. What the fuck do they want?

SorosBot January 19, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Well some real lesbians are hot; Portia di Rossi for one (too bad Ellen is fairly plane looking), Rachel Maddow too.

horsedreamer_1 January 19, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Don't forget Ani!

Negropolis January 20, 2011 at 1:41 am

Hey, now. Ellen is a handsome woman.

Texan_Bulldog January 19, 2011 at 4:51 pm


baconzgood January 19, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Big fucking deal you can't find his birth certificate. I can't find my keys does that mean my transmission's shot?

SilverFox January 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Appreciate the RedState link. Going through the comments of those douchenozzles once in a while is always a good self-affirming process.

imissopus January 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Hmmm, perhaps if gay people could get married and thus commit to building a stable home in the eyes of civil society, then those parenting rates might go up because more of them would be willing to give it a shot, but right now there is less incentive to take on the job of child-rearing because they have a sense that society does not consider their relationships legitimate?

Hmmm, perhaps gays in SF have a visceral hatred of Republicans because some of them survived the AIDS epidemic of the 80s and remember how callous conservatives were to their plight, and the party of Reagan has yet to acknowledge, much less apologize for, its callousness during this dark time? Not to mention they see which party holds the majority of anti-gay views and have no reason to think that will change in the future?

Hmmm, perhaps trying to argue with Rush Limbaugh is a waste of energy because he's such a vile disgusting shitsack who cannot be convinced of anything no matter how much empirical evidence you present him, because his entire twenty-year career and fortune is based on never, never, never, EVER admitting that a liberal might have a valid point of view, and you're not going to successfully call him out on it on his own show?


MsQuasimodo January 22, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Thousands of pees to you, sir/madam!1 Also.

lochnessmonster January 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Justin Bieber is a real North American Canadian. He has free health care already compliments of the socialist government of Canada, eh.

starfanglednut January 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm


BarackMyWorld January 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I was really disappointed with the comments posted to the Limbaugh video. The usual "we're going to use ad hominem attacks on this one person, then apply the ad hominems so they apply to all liberals in a generalization" bullshit.

genxr January 19, 2011 at 6:12 pm

I got as far as "Liberals don't read." Then I stopped reading.

BornInATrailer January 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

To the gayz out there; perhaps you married couples ought to get busy with the turkey basting and ruin this argument? In fact, I think birthing MORE children than the average straight couple might just send your average Red State reader screaming, stark-raving mad, 'round the bend.


mayor_quimby January 19, 2011 at 10:50 pm

To all the lesbian couples on a budget, I've got tons of semen, for free. I literally can't stop making it, so um…, I'm just putting that out there.

Buckminster January 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I couldn't make it through 60 seconds of Fat Sack's patronizing bull and ridicule of his listener. Tell me it didn't contain anything of intellectual merit but simply agrandized his ego.

GOPCrusher January 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm

The big argument here in Iowa is that allowing gay marriage is just another way for a minority to impose it's lifestyle on the majority.
The retards don't even realize that the same argument was used to try to stop the Civil Rights Act from passing or the de-segeration of the public school system.

WhatTheHolyHeck January 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I would really like one of these lather-laden dwonks to please explain how exactly one couple's marriage in any way imposes anything on anyone else.

They can do it in small words, if they like. Or maybe draw some pictures in crayon.

Callyson January 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

For a moment, I read "leather-laden," and actually tried to think of what the leather community would have against gay marriage.

mumbly_joe January 19, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I'm pretty sure some of them are very much aware of the lineage of that argument, seeing as some of them (*cough*SteveKing) always seemed none too thrilled about those other things, either.

fuflans January 19, 2011 at 10:11 pm

i think the elephant in the fundies closet here is that the great flyover states are not – yet – perfectly and tastefully decorated, coordinated and coiffed.

when that happens, yeah, fundies, your lifestyle is being compromised.

Callyson January 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm

OK, I finally gave in and went to RedState just to read this article. I thought it would be hateful, but instead it is just idiotic. The writer's whole point is that marriage should be limited to heteros because straight married couples are much more likely to have children than gay couples are…
And that's *it*.
I guess I should be horrified by the expression of prejudice against gay couples, but I think I am more horrified by the idea that there is a person on this planet who thinks that this is somehow a convincing case against gay marriage. Can't even channel Elvis Costello on this and say "now I'm just amused," because I am too bewildered to be amused by this trite BS…

mumbly_joe January 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Love the ironclad logic at work here:

Gays shouldn't be allowed to marry, because gays, who are unable to marry, and thus in a state of relative financial, legal, and social uncertainty compared to married heterosexual couples, are less likely to choose to rear children in an environment where one or both partners would be legally barred from caring for the family if something unexpected happens. Now, there's no reason to compare gay couples to the child-rearing rates of unwed households, no sir, because it's not as though marriage is in any way a legal or financial tool that has practical consequences. So, in conclusion, gays shouldn't be allowed to marry because they aren't allowed to get married.

Now, I don't want to just out and say that right-wingers are bad at thinking, but damned if they aren't making it awfully hard not to just out and say that right-wingers are bad at thinking.

genxr January 19, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Sadly, your average lesbian is also your average person. Why can't they all be Internet Lesbians?

MinAgain January 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm

"Mawwiage. That bwessed awangement. That dweam within a dweam."

ttommyunger January 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Face it; dick-sucking should be restricted to straight, married closeted homophobes just the way the Baby Jeebus intended, so there!

angryclownspawn January 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Teh gayz should be allowed to suffer forgotten anniversaries, stupid conservative in-laws, loss of remote control rights, and bed hogging just like the rest of us.

Tommmcatt January 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm

We do already, we just don't get any of the benefits that go along with all that.

politics_nerd January 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm

If they really wanted family values, they would be pro-family. Obviously they are very anti-family. What immoral scum to want the gays living in sin without the sacrament of holy union. Burn in hell, sin-promotionists!!

Left_Leftie January 19, 2011 at 6:40 pm

UGH! Why did I even click on the FOX news site? Found there
3 sided structure to hold rally signs was around the George Washington Statue ( his head still stuck out) on MLK day. Oh the comments make me so sad and sick.

PresBeeblebrox January 19, 2011 at 10:58 pm

How pathetic!!!! Send them all back to wence they came, they are needed in their "Country" and don't forget to take Obozzo with you, his Kenyan family needs him!

We are so fucking doomed.

bumfug January 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm

It's Catch-22, I can't make a relevant comment on the Rush Limbaugh comment without listening to it but the act of listening to it would automatically make me too stupid to make a relevant comment. Fuck it, where's the corkscrew, it's merlot time.

donner_froh January 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Donalyn Dela Cruz, Abercrombie's spokeswoman in Honolulu, ignored again yesterday another in a series of repeated requests made by WND for an interview with the governor

As if the governor of Hawaii has the time for a piece of trash like WND. Good luck with your interview request World News Daily. Hope you don't mind getting put on hold for a few hours every time you call.

Redhead January 19, 2011 at 9:06 pm

I would say with a rusty chainsaw, but a fork is good too, I guess.

Redhead January 19, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Hmmmm. So if I want to be happy and wealthy, I should choose not to be gay or black or sick or live in San Fran or talk to Rush. OK

DustBowlBlues January 19, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Meanwhile, Republithugs here in the Dust Bowl intend to introduce these bills:

Enforcing provisions of the "job eviscerating death panels bill" will be a felony.

Taking pictures of people in their underwear is a felony.

TSA agents taking the above pictures (no scanners in the Dust Bowl) will be prosecuted as felongs.

Oklahoma looks to be a great place for terrorists who don't need to see a doctor to board a plane.

fuflans January 19, 2011 at 10:13 pm

damndamndamndamndamn i ALWAYS do that. i SWEAR and SWEAR and SWEAR i won't go to one of those troll sites. IWON'TIWON'TIWON'TIWON'T…

and then i always do and now i have to go memorize a sonnet or something.

trek_78 January 20, 2011 at 9:59 am

I personally want to see gays be allowed to marry. Think of the great shows on MTV.."My Two Moms" or "My Two Dads". Viewers would watch "My Two Moms" to see which one is more butch and is the "man" in the relationship. Same goes for "My Two Dads". Which dad is more sensitive, caring and more motherly?

And that is just the start. Wait until the affair episode, or the one where the daughter brings her boyfriend to meet her two dads. Who wouldn't watch this??

MsQuasimodo January 22, 2011 at 9:42 pm

And a lye enema

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