DUMPING THE BIG CONTRACT  11:40 am January 18, 2011

Jared Loughner Traded To San Diego, Exciting San Diego Murder Trial Fans

by Jack Stuef

Jared Lee Loughner, 22, is charged in federal court in Arizona, but court officials plan to move the case out of the state within several weeks, the sources said. They cited publicity and the sensitivity of the case in Arizona, where one of those fatally shot was John M. Roll, the state’s chief federal judge. [...]

Federal officials said San Diego would get the case in part because it is one of the closest judicial districts to Arizona. A San Diego-based federal judge, Larry A. Burns, was appointed last week to hear the case because Arizona judges recused themselves. Judy Clarke, Loughner’s attorney, is also based there.

What does Arizona get in return? Chase Headley and two accused weirdo murderers to be named later? [WP]

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PsycWench January 18, 2011 at 11:45 am

Can't the lower 48 send him to Alaska on the condition that Sarah Palin stay home?

Kidneys4Sale January 18, 2011 at 11:51 am

Well…it won't be long before Piper needs a babby daddy all her own, so I'd call that solution elegant by any measure.

Barbara_i January 18, 2011 at 11:46 am

Judy Clarke? Where have I heard that name before? That's right, she defended the Unibomber and that stupid bitch, Susan Smith, the woman who drove her car with her two little babies strapped in to drown in the lake.

Too bad they didn't move that case to Albuquerque, or I would have camped out for weeks to try to be on that jury pool.

metamarcisf January 18, 2011 at 11:58 am

Judge Parker, US District Court

MissTaken January 18, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yeah, and both the Unabomber and Susan Smith are squatting their miserable lives away behind bars right now. I prefer criminals to get great defense attorneys so there is little to be thrown out on appeal down the road.

edgydrifter January 18, 2011 at 11:49 am

Which xenu-obeying legal analyst will be propelled into the national spotlight? Which prosecutor will be discovered shacking up with which member of the defense? Which judge will go nuts as the case spins out of control? So exciting!

If the clip don't fit, you must acquit!

jim89048 January 18, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Time to bring back Marcia Clark. There's always room for a crack legal analyst (or anal cyst) on fox.

V572625694 January 18, 2011 at 12:05 pm

But there has to be very, very urban prosecutor for her to have an affair with during the trial. Thus is justice served.

jim89048 January 18, 2011 at 12:14 pm
horsedreamer_1 January 18, 2011 at 3:26 pm

The best thing Jay Leno ever did.

x111e7thst January 18, 2011 at 11:50 am

Who cares where they try him. I just want to see the pictures.

metamarcisf January 18, 2011 at 11:51 am

If you ask me, Loughner should be traded to the Houston Rockets for Yao Ming.

Boredw/Gravity January 18, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Don't you put him over here. We have enough loonies/gun nuts as it is.

elviouslyqueer January 18, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Miami's already got first dibs on Loughner, since LeBron hasn't done shit for them this season.

harry_palmer January 18, 2011 at 11:51 am

If they want to get equal value in destructiveness and delusion they should demand Darrell Issa.

Come here a minute January 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

Court TV is paying record sums for the rights, but they'll make it all up in beer and dot-com commercials.

PublicLuxury January 18, 2011 at 12:04 pm

The Federal judges in San Diego must not have known John Roll Jr. So they can do the justice is blind thing-y

Where is Joseph Wapner? Why doesn't Judy take him on? She would tell him where the bear shit in the buckwheat. Plus, the money raised by ads and stuff could pay for another war against teh brown ghey.

SecretMuslin January 18, 2011 at 12:05 pm

My God – when will we finally institute the long-awated Zonie ban here in San Diego? I thought summer tourists were bad…

PublicLuxury January 18, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Maybe we could trade GW Bush and Loughner to Iraq as a payment for liberating their country and killing our soldiers?

Giveusabob January 18, 2011 at 12:15 pm

"They cited publicity and the sensitivity of the case in Arizona, where one of those fatally shot was John M. Roll, the state’s chief federal judge."

Why not just make the extraordinary case of shooting the judge that would've tried him the lone exception to that whole "fair trial" bit?

I mean, what's wrong with the notion that "everyone gets a fair trial by jury of their peers," UNLESS they're foolish enough to preemptively kill their own judge, in which case it becomes, "oh well, we tried to be nice, but you're just stupid."

transfatz January 19, 2011 at 12:31 am

"we tried to be nice, but you're just stupid."

That's a constitutional amendment I can get with.

LionelHutzEsq January 18, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I assume Arizona is getting a killer to be named later?

Although, truthfully, none of this matters until the post season.

LionelHutzEsq January 18, 2011 at 2:51 pm

And per the new rules, I'm pretty sure that Arizona has to at least interview a minority killer, even if they end up with a white killer.

teebob2000 January 18, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Ah yes. The "Wayne Williams" rule.

horsedreamer_1 January 18, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Charlie wants a change of scenery.

Crank_Tango January 18, 2011 at 12:26 pm

This guy is clearly too dangerous a liberal for our criminal justice system, can't he be sent to GITMO instead?

Gay Mexican Intern January 18, 2011 at 12:37 pm

This will be Ron Burgundy's big break into the national spotlight.

Steverino247 January 18, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Considering how fucked up the San Diego Chargers front office has been for, well, the history of the franchise, I wouldn't be surprised if they managed this trade. We get Loughner and they get our next twelve draft picks.

GOPCrusher January 18, 2011 at 3:01 pm

They've been looking for some way to unload Vincent Jackson all season, but I think this may be a bit excessive.

Ken Layne January 18, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Anyone in Phoenix/Tuscon who can afford it MOVES TO SAN DIEGO every summer, for the whole summer. So, no surprise, really. This trial will get underway after Memorial Day weekend, I assume.

SecretMuslin January 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm

And they clog up my roads with their horrible driving, and pack the beaches with their fat, wrinkly asses. Fortunately I don't frequent Chili's or Applebee's so my restauarant wait times don't increase…

teebob2000 January 18, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Then can they give him a white belt in his cell so he can hang himself?

sarjo January 18, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Oooh, sweet, he can wear a white g-string too, as long as the start date is AFTER Memorial Day!

MinAgain January 18, 2011 at 5:55 pm

And then after they convict him, everyone can go sailing!

transfatz January 19, 2011 at 12:51 am

He shoots! He scores! But wait, there is a penalty.

easynewz January 19, 2011 at 3:02 am

Ah, yes.

It's wise to move the suspect to Calif.. They've never had a tragic shooting of any Democratic politicians there.


sati_demise January 18, 2011 at 3:40 pm

And then the heart will malfunction and they put on a big funeral for Cheney. But no one shows up, even for free food.
A few prison rags show up on the beach with evidence of ripping by sharks.

That would be justice, amirite?

sarjo January 18, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Afterwards, thanks to his new heart, Cheney will engage in an inexplicable shooting spree. But this will be so Cheney-like that no one will realize it is all because of his heart of Loughner!

Negropolis January 19, 2011 at 7:09 am

It'll be "The Decision Part Dos", only this time, the decision is whether to bring this fucker up on capital charges or not. Either that, or give him his own reality show:

Survivor: Florence Supermax

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