flotus files

Michelle Obama Turns 47 On National Day of Laziness/Community Service

That's MRS. Flotus to you...Today is “Martin Luther King, Jr. Day,” which is a day to remember the life of a special black person — or “socialist Kenyan,” as they prefer to be called these days — who once copied Glenn Beck by giving a speech at the Lincoln Memorial. But more importantly, today is Michelle Obama’s birthday! Our FLOTUS turns 47 today, and she is probably eating a whole-wheat cake filled with spinach right now, because thanks to all of Michelle’s hard work, soon that will be the only kind of cake available in America.

Michelle’s birthday began with an early celebration yesterday, when FLOTUS and family went to worship at the Metropolitan African(!) Methodist Episcopal Church.

On Sunday, the Metropolitan congregation clearly tried to make the Obamas feel at home.

At one point, the hundreds of worshipers joined together to sing “Happy birthday” to the first lady, who turns 47 on Monday.

“I gave the first lady a CD of church hymns for her birthday because in this church we try to make people feel welcomed,” said [Rev. Marie] Braxton, whose husband, the Rev. Ronald Braxton, is the church pastor. “The gift came from my heart.”

Michelle will spend today listening to her “God’s Greatest Hits Remixed” CD and volunteering for a local community service project, and according to an e-mail she sent out last week, she thinks everyone else should do the same. But for those who prefer to spend the day off on the couch, or in bed, like New England Patriots, there are some useless facts about Michelle Obama that you can learn, in honor of her 47th year, made possible by Philadelphia’s “Inspiration Station.”

6. As a girl, she loved her “Easy-Bake Oven”.

23. When she got to Princeton she said the tutors weren’t teaching French correctly.

It is so unfortunate that those Michelle Antoinette rumors have to resurface on our FLOTUS’ birthday. But we love her, no matter how many vacations she takes or American food groups she sends into exile. Happy birthday, Michelle! [WP/Praise Philly]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke
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  1. Barbara_i

    Happy Birthday, you sassy, intelligent, beautiful, incredible woman, you! I would like to apologize in advance for anything stupid Palin will say about MLK today on Sean Hannity's show. Thanks for your dedication to our great country, Michelle.
    someone cue the APPLAUSE sign for her, please.

    1. V572625694

      You're not really brave enough to watch that confluence of nut-jobbery, are you? Think of your children, if you have any, or that cute little tabby in your avatar.

      1. Barbara_i

        I will not watch it, no. I have a physical reaction when I hear Sarah speak. My tummy will gurgle very loudly. I change the channel as quickly as possible because I don't want to know what my tummy will do next.

    2. Negropolis

      I'd not be surprise to find that she said that MLK palled around with terrorists/communists/socialists/muslims.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Totally OT but I always thought your avatar was Horseshack from Welcome Back, Kotter. Imagine my surprise to discover that it's a young Anthony Weiner. I imagine neither got a lot of tail at that point in their lives…

  2. Crank_Tango

    Happy Racism Day everybody! It just seems to get better and better every year!

    Also, happy birthday FLOTUS. Please give Barry his balls back whenever you feel like it.

    1. GOPCrusher

      But MLK Jr. was a Republiklan. It said so on the billboard, so it must be true!
      On a related subject, Saw on a Yahoo post this AM, that today should be changed to James Earl Ray Day.
      * face palm *

      1. MinAgain

        None of that Trekker revisionist nonsense for the First Lady. If she's 47, she's old enough to be a loud and proud Trekkie.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Also, real Trekkies never use the term, but always give themselves away by referring to their Star Fleet rank.

      "Hey Bob, howzit going?"

      "Ahem. That's Lt Cmdr Bob to you, ensign."

  3. SexySmurf

    45. She has committed each episode of The Brady Bunch to memory.

    And they say she hates white people. That's the whitest goddamn thing I ever heard.

      1. ttommyunger

        Natural reaction from taking it up the poop chute for so many long, closeted years…Not that there's anything wrong with that.

        1. Barbara_i

          Um HELLO! What about Alice? You can't tell me that she ever saw Sam, the butcher's vein cane. I think that house had more than one closet.

        1. Barbara_i

          You just made me crave Ben & Jerry's Marsha, Marsha, Marshmallow ice cream. That stuff is mother's milk to me.

    1. LesBontemps

      45. She has committed each episode of The Brady Bunch to memory.

      That's reason enough to hate white people.

    1. Barbara_i

      Wow, Burger King gave you the day off today, Closet? Was that because they celebrate MLK's birthday or because you got suspended for 3 days for being a dickweed?

    2. di_da_is_alpha

      No, it's only 57. Or is it 58? The dumbass said 57, but I don't think he was counting the state he was in at the time.

  4. PublicLuxury

    Michelle will nevar be able to compete with the Babs. Michelle doesn't even have a fetus-a-jar in her pantry. So on this colored man's holiday make sure you take stock of your canned chidren and rotate them.

  5. SorosBot

    And here today is just a a day of being annoyed that it seems like every other office in this city except where I work is closed.

    1. jus_wonderin

      We are working today too, but we make those super violent video games that incite the shooters so every day is a work day here at Satan's workshop.

  6. Sophist/Glock Palin

    …the Metropolitan(!) African(!!!!) Methodist(?) Episcopal(?!?) Church(!!!?!??!!!&$%!)."


  7. Hera Sent Me

    Fact 48: Michelle could easily pick up Glenn Beck by the legs and use him to beat Rush Limbaugh to death.

    Fact 49: If it weren't for Michelle, Barack would be Mayor Rahm's special assistant for apologizing to people offended by cursing.

    Fact 50: Michelle secretly feels sorry for Trig, for him having to grow up with a special needs mother.

    1. 102415

      Poor Trig what is he up to today? Is he old enough to club fish ? Or more important is he old enough to go clubbing?

  8. An_Outhouse

    For National Day to Help the Poor People, I volunteered to pick up the mail for a local non-profit. Guess what? The PO is closed today! Its a conspiracy.

  9. jim89048

    23. When she got to Princeton she said the tutors weren’t teaching French correctly.

    Proof that she's from the dusky side of the Camelot Dynasty.

  10. Mariecohn

    HB, Mrs. President! May you have many more, and celebrate 6 of them in the White House you call home. [APPLAUSE]

  11. finallyhappy

    I made food at a shelter this morning. Why can't Michele and my Kenyan Muslin Overlord do their community service with me? I would have brought a cake for Michele – please tell her that for next year.

    1. Barbara_i

      I appreciate your service to your fellow man and that you aren't all talk. I'll buy you an oats soda and a burger anytime you are town. You are a blessing.

  12. Negropolis

    12. She was assigned Barack’s mentor when he came to her Chicago firm for a summer job.

    You know, this has always been a part of the couple's narrative, but every time I see it, it feels like new and tickles me to this day.

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