We Made a Michael Steele Hamster Dance

  just like caesar

Your editor is sort of drunk, and you know what? Commenter “simplyblue7″ is right: We have to give our Michael Steele GIFs and pictures and the man himself a fitting goodbye. So we will remember Michael Steele the way he would want to be remembered: We made a Hamster Dance. Scat scat scat. (Click through to see all the stupid pictures and to hear the music.)





























Let’s all pour one out for our homie.

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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348 comments

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      If I needed any further proof that some people have too much time on their hands, this would be it.

      And I watched the whole thing, and have no idea how long it will take to get that tune out of my head. Weew.

  1. noodlesalad

    It's time to fake hip hop music, it's time to mock the right. It's time to get things started with Michael Steele tonight! Srsly fingers crossed for Palin/Steele 12

  2. facehead

    Jack, go shotgun some more Four Loko, get your A game ready, then come back and give us a kaleidoscopic Justin Bieber blingee, that's how you get the sluts!

      1. marinmaven

        That stuff is nasty. Mr. Maven bought a can for New Years Eve and I gave it a sip and it was diablo urine with its bright red warning color. The smell was memorably awful. I get the whole get drunk cheaply thing, but drinking that reeks of desperation. It's the Zima of the 21st century, yo.

  3. neiltheblaze

    Oh what the hell – Steele has a new book to flog, and now he'll have time to do that. But now he'll have to pay for his own plane tickets and hotel rooms and lesbian bondage bar outings – and that's just not the Republican Way.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      What the hell are PACs for if not to pick up the tab for expenses like that. I'm sure MC Steele has one all set up and ready to go.

      1. SorosBot

        Considering how late he was up and how drunk he must have been, more like when he sobers up and finds out what he did this late afternoon.


      2. Post author
        Jack Stuef

        I stand by this. Our politics needs to be more civil. We need to communicate in Hamster Dances.

        1. lulzmonger

          Oh, I bet more than a few GOP nabobs already have lots of experience in making a hamster dance while wearing a duct-tape jumpsuit … if you know what I mean.

    1. Callyson

      Publicist (for that lesbian bondage club–who ever heard of it before the Reeps got it in the papers? Er, don't answer that, actually…)
      Budget Analyst (hey, that doesn't mean actually balancing a budget…)
      Strategist (just because his strategy was to rely on the teabaggers who cost the Reeps the Senate doesn't mean it wasn't a strategy)
      ————
      Making this list is fun actually…it *almost* makes me want to send the res to Steele…

  4. Progressiveinga

    How do I download that tune on my ipod? Seems a perfect fit for cardio on the treadmill so I can bleed out of my eyeballs a little sooner than with the usual Black-eyed Peas mix.

    btw, needs moar awkward intern pics.

  5. chilequiles

    And yet, I feel so empty knowing our best bro Mikey Steele isn't going to make quite as many headlines as we've come to cherish. Let's hope this gasbag keeps flappin.

    1. Barbara_i

      *ring* *ring* Slithytoves! I love ya man! You MADE something of yourself! (who is this?) It's me, Jack!

    1. Negropolis

      Are you implying that the New Jersey governor is a fat bastard who is known to enjoy a delicious treat or two? Sir, you forget yourself!

  6. x111e7thst

    Ave atque vale Michael. I will always remember the flava of street you brought to the cloistered halls of the RNC.

  7. Oblios_Cap

    It must really suck to lose your job to someone named Rinse Pre-(short) Bus.

    $20 million in the hole. $20 million in the hole.

    Humble Pie, indeed.

    1. mourningnmerica

      Yo, I love the Humble Pie reference. "30 Days in The Hole" is a great old song, one with the distinction of being the only song ever written with the lyric "greasy whore" in it. I recommend downloading it immediately.

    1. Rarian Rakista

      3 AM is the magical hour, its when rich people's golf courses are vandalized, ugly ugly unwanted babies are made and blog posts are posted so random that had Edward Lorenz known about them he would of probably renamed the butterfly effect.

      We should blame all of the world's ills that happen in 2011 on this post.

    1. Negropolis

      I'd like to second this. The only reason I'm able to be here is that I did page down very quickly, and went back up and was able to mute the music.

  8. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Fcuking Republiscum. The one joy we have while they finish sucking the life out of the world for their plutocrat bosses is laughing at Michael Steele.

    And now they take that away, too.

    See why we can't have nice things?
    ~

      1. Callyson

        How is that name even pronounced? (I missed NPR and refuse to watch teevee news so I can preserve my remaining brain cells) Does it rhyme with "rains," as in "Idiocy rains from the RNC?"

        1. SorosBot

          According to his ad, it's apparently pronounced like "rinse", as in "wash, rinse, repeat".

          That's not a joke; it's how he pronounces his own bizarre name.

  9. CapeClod

    Standing like a stone on the old plantation
    Rich old man would have never let him in
    Good enough to hire not good enough to marry
    when it all happens nobody wins
    Walk on, walk on alone.

    (Thanks to Bruce Hornsby)

  10. ttommyunger

    Well, at least the RNC has an all-white Chief now rather than Steele, who is only white on the inside.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I was thinking along those lines myself. She really should just arrange that tune as the audio for all her appearances from now on. It miiiight hold her unfavorables where they are. Not sure anything at this point could improve her favorables.

  11. snoopyfan2010

    In case the RNC needs to be reminded:
    "Racism is the belief that the genetic factors which constitute race are a primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race."

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Highly doubtful anyone in the RNC needs to be reminded how to be racist. (It's probably coded in most of their DNA.)

      1. snoopyfan2010

        Committing a crime and knowing you're committing the crime are two different things. Some people actually think the rules don't apply to them.

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Snoopy:

          Franklin and I could not agree more with your comments. "The Rules" are, after all, human constructs that any TrueLiberal believes can be changed at will; at any time; and for any reason (or for no reason).

          So if "The Rules" get in the way of our TrueLiberal beliefs, we can just ignore them.

          Our First Black President, and Our Beloved Democrat Party, used just this technique recently with the Health Care Reform Bill's mandate that private citizens must buy health insurance from private insurers.

          Certainly, the lower federal courts have already issued frivolous decisions to the effect that this is "unconstitutional" under "The Rules. But when the time comes, Our First Black President has Franklin's Court-Packing Scheme precedent to fall back on — to change "The Rulers Who Decide What Are 'The Rules.'"

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

          1. SorosBot

            Neilist:

            "Democrat Party" is kind of a giveaway; the party is called the DemocratIC Party, and the former naming is only used as a slur by right-wingers.

            Fuck you,

            A robot

          2. di_da_is_alpha

            Ah, horseshit. The Republicans use the democratic process to chose their candidates, as do all the major US parties. "Democratic" is an adjective, therefore all US parties are "democratic" parties.

            The democrats can call themselves whatever they want, but in fact their party contains "democrats", not "democratics". Lets use the party symbols, for instance. Elephant Party. Jackass Party, not the jackassish party (although, that does fit too, I suppose).

            So, democrat party. Kiss my ass.

          3. imissopus

            Actually only one lower court issued a frivolous decision that the mandate is unconstitutional. Two other courts (another one in Virginia and one up in MIchigan) ruled that it IS constitutional. Nice try and thanks for playing.

          4. DoktorZoom

            Now, if the Supremes eventually deem the individual mandate unconstitutional in a 5-4 decision, it will be proof that the law was a horrible idea from the get-go, and plainly a violation of the Founders' highest principles.

            Whereas if the Supremes eventually find the individual mandate IS constitutional in a 5-4 decision, it's proof that an out-of-control cabal of unelected activist judges is running roughshod over the most sacred founding values of the Republic.

          5. snoopyfan2010

            I heard that if the individual mandate is ruled unconstitutional, then the public option would actually be the legal alternative. So, in a way, by trying to get rid of the individual mandate, they are opening the door for the public option. Is this true????

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      Once again, the Socialist Government is stopping our free speech! Glenn Beck was right all along!

      (Come on powers that be, someone get the comments to work right, or at least stop deleting my best stuff).

      1. SorosBot

        Dear LionelHutzEsq;

        As a true liberal, I am going to make a claim while pretending to be Elanor Roosevelt that true liberals actually hate free speech, probably by making a false equivalency between criticism and censorship.

        Cordially (but not really) ,

        Most certainly not Neilist

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Dear SoroBot:

          Your attempt to make "humor" out of paranoid schizophrenia and/or Multiple Personality Disorder Syndrome is extremely offensive and potentially harmful to sufferers of these extremely disabling conditions.

          You may find it amusing to make mock of those whose lives are marred by these afflictions. TrueLiberals, however, do not.

          Unless, of course, the victims are WingNutz or their children. Nothing is funnier to we Wonketteers than the child of a conservative politician who suffers from an genetic mental disability.

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

          P.S. Franklin told me the most amusing story the other day: "The retarded child of an Alaskan politician crawls into a bar . . . ."

          1. di_da_is_alpha

            Hey, picklepuss, you ever figure out what it means when a union becomes an "entity in and of itself"?

      1. DoktorZoom

        When in doubt, thumbs up. If only to offset the cumulative attacks on our precious bodily pee scores by subversives and preverts.

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Let's blame Palin! She will make a presidential video whining about being linked to a hamster dance!

  12. weejee

    Although as Jack's music points out, Steele's term as RNC Chair was often like a hamster madly running in its wheel he did bring them the greatest jump in seats against the Prez's party since 1938. So how do the Repubicans reward such work? They fire his ass and start driving a Prebius. Say what you will, they are consistent and are even assholes towards their own.

  13. JackMioffer

    Also, someone on Twitter pointed out that if you "Take out the vowels in @reince Priebus' name you get RNC PR BS." Perfect
    Came across this comment on Crooks and Liars and just wanted to share.

    1. Callyson

      You have just made my day, and possibly this election cycle as well. Will do my part to distribute this information widely…

  14. DonnyKerabotsos

    I've always held the opinion that nothing good could come from pressing 'send' at 3:13A.M.

    Until today, that is!

  15. OneTrueLiberal

    Tisk. Tisk.

    No TrueLiberal — as are all we Wonketters — should celebrate the fact that yet-another "Africa-American" has lost his job, and joined the ranks of America's unemployed. Minority unemployment is at an all-time high, and the trends are all negative.

    There is no "humor" in another "black" being out of work – particularly given that there already are so many who are not working on the sorts of jobs that are need to support us, the "educated/white blogging class."

    [Franklin just reminded me that I should note that "educated" is used above in the most . . .liberal . . . sense.]

    Also, the vitriol of the comments posted, and the lack of empathy, is very, very troubling. Words Have Consequences. The slightest rhetorical misstep, or careless use of a commonplace phrase, can have a terrible impact on a susceptible mind, e.g., a "Negro" in his late middle age who has just lost his job, and faces dismal prospects because of his "race."

    We are sure that none of you wants to be responsible if, because of your comments, this Mr. Steele guns down a nine-year-old girl outside of a Harlem Popeye's Chicken. (Remember: Despite all of our effects at "Gun Control," the federal government has not been able to disarm "these people.")

    So, please, temper your language. "Jokes" get people killed. Be a bit more niggardly with the racial references.

    Cordially,

    Eleanor

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Dear Add:

          Franklin didn't make it to the end of all four terms. But 13 out of 16 years wasn't bad.

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

          1. OneTrueLiberal

            Franklin prefers a something that he calls a "cock-tail," which he claims he invented to honor his fellow TrueLiberal Wonkette friends.

            It's a mixture of:

            (1) the tears of a starving, fly-specked African child dying in a mud puddle in Southern Sudan (for whom we Wonketteers feel Great Concern, but not enough to do anything meaningful about it);

            (2) a splash of the hydraulic fluid from that Olds Delmont 88 in which Teddy Kennedy had that "brake failure" going over that bridge on Chappaquiddick Island;

            (3) a big, big shot of Sterno strained through a cheesecloth, to honor our "Inner City" friends (Hello, Negropolis!); and

            (4) Just a dash of Barney Frank's semen (for the taste!).

            Served in a chilled martini glass.

            Oh, and garnished with a bitter lemon peel — to reflect your personalities. (Franklin's words, not mine!)

            Cheers!

            Cordially.

            Eleanor

          2. karen

            C'mon now man, where are you getting your talking points from? Who even gives a rat's infected asshole about Teddy Kennedy? Or FDR?

          3. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Karen:

            I am afraid you are confused.

            The "rat's infected asshole" goes into the other libation that Franklin concocted:

            The Hillary Clinton.

            It's far too bitter for most people, however. Also, if you try it once, your body may be found in a Washington Park with the back of your head blown off.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          4. di_da_is_alpha

            Burrrrrrn? No, that would be a Richard Pryor joke. "Gluuug, gluuug, gluuuug" is used for Chappaquiddick jokes.

            Hey, ya ever wonder, just for shits and grins, if maybe it wasn't an accident? Ok, ok, but humor me, will ya?

            Ted gets drunk, gets too frisky, Mary-Jo doesn't want to go there, Ted won't stop, she starts to scream, and in his panic to keep her quiet, smothers her. Then, he drives the car off the bridge to cover up the crime. Well?

            It would explain why he didn't immediately go for help . And you know the cops wouldn't be above covering up something like that. Just look at that left-wing nut that killed those folks in Alabama, then it turns out that she killed her brother in Massachusetts years earlier, but the cops covered up the murder. And hell, she wasn't even a Kennedy!

            I know, it probably happened just like the history books tell us, and Ted was just a chickenshit idiot and not a murderer, but it would make a good crime novel, don't cha think?

          5. karen

            Where's your post about getting the back of my head blown off? I didnt get the Washington Park reference.

            I'll post it here, maybe someone can help.

            Dear Karen:

            I am afraid you are confused.

            The "rat's infected asshole" goes into the other libation that Franklin concocted:

            The Hillary Clinton.

            It's far too bitter for most people, however. Also, if you try it once, your body may be found in a Washington Park with the back of your head blown off.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          6. OneTrueLiberal

            "Vincent Foster," dear.

            (Try to keep up. They'll be making "Trig" jokes about you, next.)

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          7. OneTrueLiberal

            Murder is never funny:

            Vincent Walker Foster, Jr. (January 15, 1945 – July 20, 1993) was a Deputy White House Counsel during the first term of President Bill Clinton, and also a law partner and friend of Hillary Rodham Clinton. His death was ruled a suicide by multiple official investigations, but remains a subject of interest among conspiracy theorists.
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vince_foster

            Well, again, unless the victim is a "WingNutz."

            Or a "conservative."

            Or an "Independent."

            Or, well . . . anyone other than one of "us" . . . .

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          8. SorosBot

            Ah yes, thanks for reminding us of one of the most disgusting slanders the right wing has ever done. When will one conservatives apologize for what they did with Foster's death? A good friend of the Clintons' who suffered from depression killed himself, and evil bastards like Limbaugh actually decided to claim that they had their good friend killed, because – um, I think because of something involving Whitewater ever though that was also a slander where they had broken no law.

            It was truly sickening. And to this day, I don't think any of the evil pieces of shit who promoted that slander has ever apologized to the Clintons, proving that wingnuts truly are evil scum.

          9. imissopus

            Wow, Chappaquiddick and Vince Foster cracks in the same thread? Next we'll get "the Clintons sabotaged Ron Brown's plane!"

            At least he's crawling closer to this decade.

          10. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Imissopus:

            Attempting to find humor in the tragic death of a public servant in an air disaster is distasteful, immature and inappropriate.

            Unless, of course, the public servant is a conservative.

            Then, it's as funny as a member of the Kennedy Family in a motorized vehicle.

            Any vehicle:

            Joe, Jr. (Aircraft.)
            John F. (PT Boat)
            Teddy (Aircraft; Olds Delmont 88)
            John-John (Aircraft)

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          11. indecencycmdr

            Paul Wellstone (Oct 25, 2002)
            Mel Carnahan (Oct 16, 2000)

            both aircraft

            both running for senator as Democrats just before election in November (in Wellstone's case, as incumbant.)

            Corrosively.

          12. SorosBot

            And at least with Wellstone, the wingnuts used it for their own political advantage, inventing stories that his memorial service was overly politicized (it wasn't). It's the reason Al Franken ran for Senate; he was good friends with Wellstone as was really pissed about how the Coleman people treated his death.

          13. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Mr. Indecency:

            Unhappily, we are not playing "Dead Democrats For Dollars."

            And if you thought it was "Brain Dead Democrats For Dollars," your idea is absurd. We'd run out of prizes in the first show.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

      1. DoktorZoom

        (Repost) There is one, and only one, mildly redeeming feature of Neilist's new persona: Virtually every time I see it, it reminds me of Walter Matthau in Hopscotch (around the 1:25 mark)

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Dear DoktorZoom:

          Neither I nor Julian Childs is authorized to confirm or deny our involvement, if any, in the U.S. Intelligence Services that are:

          (1) Unconstitutionally violating TrueLiberals' 4th Amendment protections against unconstitutional search and seizure; 5th Amendment right of due process; 6th Amendment right to speedy trial and confrontation of witnesses; and/or 8th Amendment protection against cruel and unusual punishment, etc. [ ]. (Check Box)

          (2) Protecting TrueLiberals from RightNutz 's attempting to exercise their 1st and 2nd Amendment "rights" [ ]. (Check Box)

          [Please check box as appropriate given TrueLiberal/Wonketteer level of hypocrisy at the moment.]

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

    1. Bluestatelibel

      He need only write another best-selling book like Tim Plentydim, Saruh, and Dubya! I hear Tim's is just excellent! For a review, check out Gail Collins' review in the New York Slimes–you repubs are just such literary geniuses, I salute you all!

          1. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear UW8 and Bonzos:

            Although your proposed craven appeasement of this "Neilist" person is consistent with our TrueLiberal philosophy, I don't think it will work this time.

            My White House research staff as reviewed the posts of this deranged "Neilist" creature. They report that he was not banned, but canceled his own account. From the posts just before he "self-banned," he apparently got bored with what he saw as blatant hypocrisy, "Fact-Free Reasoning," and Rampant Boo-Hooing on this purportedly "snark/humor" blog.

            In fact, it was Neilist's cruel attacks, and misunderstanding of the TrueLiberal Philosophy, that caused me to appear to champion our shared beliefs.

            As you can see from my P Score, the response has been overwhelming. Further, I submit that the level of humor has increased substantially, even though most of the comedy was not intended by the posters. (Thank you regardless, SorosBot and Negropolis!)

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

      1. OneTrueLiberal

        Terser, certainly.

        But Neilist made the classic mistake of assuming that a TrueLiberal might be capable of humor, self-reflection, and wit.

        Franklin and I know better,

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

        ("Steward! My glass is EMP-TY again!")

    2. benjo765

      "We are sure that none of you wants to be responsible if, because of your comments, this Mr. Steele guns down a nine-year-old girl outside of a Harlem Popeye's Chicken."

      Oh irony, now it is YOU who is the racist/ stereotyper! Repent, before ye bullets rain from ye sky!

      1. OneTrueLiberal

        Your contention that Harlem, NYC is an entirely "Negro" neighborhood nowadays reflects a racial stereotype that is deeply offensive — and inconsistent with current real estate markets:

        In January 2010, The New York Times reported that in "Greater Harlem," which they defined as running from the East River to the Hudson River, from 96th Street to 155th Street, blacks ceased to be a majority of the population in 1998, with the change largely attributable to the rapid arrival of new white and Hispanic residents. The paper reported that the population of the area had grown more since 2000 than in any decade since the 1940s.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlem

        But please do not be disquieted by your ignorance: TrueLiberals don't care about the facts anyway.

        In any event, I was referring to Harlem, Georgia, the home of famed comedian Oliver Hardy of Laurel & Hardy.

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlem,_Georgia

        He was a large, dimwitted, clumsy weight-challenged individual. I thought the obvious connection between him and certain of our fellow TrueLiberals would be comforting.

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

        ("Franklin! Dear! Have the steward make some more of those cock-tails, please! He'll find Congressman Frank out in the Rose Garden, wooing those gophers.")

          1. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Star:

            I am mortified — MORTIFIED! — that you have caught me violating one of the most basic tenets of TrueLiberalism, specifically, "Facts DON'T Matter."

            Even worse, I actually attempted to persuade you with . . . (I hate to use this word publicly) . . . "data." (Pardon, pardon, pardon me.)

            Please allow me to reassure you that, from now on, I will try not to rely on those nasty, dirty "fact" thingies. Or at worst, I will only cite to PIROOMA[[1] . . . "data" . . . (what a distaste word).

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            Footnote 1: Franklin explained that this means "Pulled It Right Out Of My Ass." It's the sort of information on which TrueLiberals rely when making all their policy decisions.

      1. OneTrueLiberal

        The Wonketteer Special Olympics Wheelchair Speedo Swimsuit for Franklin.

        He's competing this year, and has been practicing in the pool at Warm Springs, GA.

        Teddy Kennedy was giving him special diving lessons, too. I wasn't really paying attention to the description, but I think Teddy was teaching Franklin how to dive down deep enough to get to a wrecked car with a trapped secretary . . . in order to recover your wallet.

        Hope to see you at the event. The physically handicapped get such support and encouragement from the cheers of the morally handicapped, don't you know.

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

    3. Fare la Volpe

      Dear Eleanor,

      You might not understand this, but one of the keys to comedy is actually "being funny." As it stands, non sequiturs repeated ad nauseum do not jokes make.

      But hey, at least you cracked a jab at a 9-year-old murder victim.

      Stay classy, love.
      Fare la Volpe

    4. Pragmatist2

      It is always good to hear from the oppressed conservative world. In power since Nixon's inauguration they carefully avoid any accountability by constantly changing their names. Dixiecrats become Republicans. Reagan Democrats become Tea Partiers.
      Conservatives become Neo-Cons. Rockefeller Repubicans become Rinos (how does a lifelong registered Republican, nominated by that Party and elected by its members become a "Republican in Name Only???). The goal is to espouse an ideology with fervor and run away from the consequences with speed.

  16. DoktorZoom

    Steele should look on the bright side: now he'll have time to read War and Peace all the way through. Imagine his surprise when he finds out that his favorite line isn't in there…

  17. OneTrueLiberal

    Oh, Franklin wanted me to ask if the hamster also is a TrueLiberal — specifically, a Democrat hamster that Barney Frank (D – Mass) wraps in duct tape and shoves into his anus, while doing "the People's Business" of approving the transfer of the U.S. Treasury Department to the fine folks at Goldman Sachs who payed for the election of Our First Negro President!!!

    Cordially,

    Eleanor

    P.S. Is Richard Gere a Democrat? He's so handsome, and Sensitive & Caring enough to be one of Us.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        True dat…OTL is one of those people who think they have an awesome sense of humor, but really don't. Quite the opposite, they make people around them feel awkward. It's sad really, but what can you do?

        1. Barbara_i

          I agree with the unfunny in the hamster in the rectum. I would like to point out that Rush Limbaugh was seen at the ER getting a mole removed though.

        2. DoktorZoom

          The really weird thing is that Neilist used to be funny from time to time, while this new persona is…well, sorry to say it, pretty much a Johnny One-Note. Maybe that's meant to be ironic or something? It's puzzling…I mean, hell, there are intelligent criticisms to be made of any position, but this non-stop catalogue of stereotypes is just tiresome.

          Time for the heavy artillery: Rush Limbaugh is more frequently funny than the New Neilist.

    1. Gay Recruiter

      Stop being so funny. The libunatics here can't take it. They're very serious. And biased. Imagine if the graphic was of Dear Leader, they'd be screaming racism.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        We reserve that charge for when you guys re-edit USDA officials' speeches to make it sound like they hate white people.

      2. OneTrueLiberal

        Dear Recruiter:

        Please cease your offensive, hurtful remarks about "libuantics."

        As an initial matter, TrueLiberals care nothing for the opinions of members of the US Armed Forces, because we believe strongly in the concept of "Civilian Control Of The Military" (also known as the "Lack Of Social Responsibility Or Burden Doctrine," a well-established TrueLiberal position).

        I assume that you are a military "recruiter." So we don't care about your emotional condition, "gay" or otherwise. I will say, however, that your apparent happiness with your role in killing innocent civilians, innocent children (however heavily armed), and "waging war" is Just Plain Mean.

        If, however, the "gay" reference to your gender/sexual preference, allow me to point out that, as a homosexual, you have no more "right" to hold conservative opinions than Michael Steele, or any other member of his race.

        The "gay" population owes the Democrat Party, and it is morally offensive and Just Plain Wrong for you not to recognize your debt.

        If you a "gay" "African-American" male, the above goes in spades . . . so to speak.

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

        1. SorosBot

          "Civilian Control Of The Military" is a policy also known as "enshrined in the US Constitution". Why do you hate the Constitution?

    2. SorosBot

      Sorry, but "jokes" about the urban legend of gay men sticking gerbils up their ass are hateful, bigoted and not funny.

      1. Barbara_i

        Sorosbot, I apologize if my Rush "mole" reference was offensive, truly. I'll delete it if you wanted me to. It would be chickenshit of me to delete it and pretend that I didn't have a part in this. Very sorry.

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Was the mole over the age of consent?

          And what color was the duct tape?

          (Franklin has quite a collection, and wants to make sure he has the whole set when the House Democratic Caucus visits next.)

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

          P.S. It is wonderful the way the gophers flee from the Rose Garden when they hear that Barney Frank is dropping by the White House for another "conference."

      2. OneTrueLiberal

        Dear SorosBot:

        I deeply regret that you believe that there is something "wrong" with the idea that "gay" men may stick hamsters, pack rats, voles, and other small rodents up their rectums for sexual gratification.

        TrueLiberals realize that, as long as the parties involved are of the age of consent, and no duress is involved, the specifics of their sexual activities are of no public or private interest.

        That said, I do no mean to imply any condemnation of sex with hamsters under the age of consent. After all, one of the tenets of TrueLiberalism is "If It Feels Good, Do It! — And Bill The State For The Consequences."

        So please accept my apologies if you are a member of NAMHPRVLA (North American Man-Hamster/Pack Rat/Vole Love Association). I meant no aspersion, and fully support your lifestyle choice.

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

        P.S. Franklin suggested I remind you that WalMart is having a sale on duct tape. It even comes in tasteful decorator colors now!!

        1. Bluestatelibel

          You're really obsessed with the topic of anal sex, aren't you?

          Engage in some "self-reflection" (something that all others but you apparently lack), and think about what your obsession might mean.

      3. DoktorZoom

        No, no, no, SorosBot: There's a far worse offense at work here: It's OLD. What next, some cutting-edge observations about how hard it is to open those little packets of airline peanuts? What's the deal with that, huh?

    3. Troubledog

      My compassionate regrets I must express
      For regardless of motive or duress
      The best looking man on your team, it's clear
      Is no match for Richard Gere
      Whether it be Stephen Baldwin or not
      Surely Tucker Carlson has a good shot
      Mike Steele, meanwhile, you have to admit
      Better than fucking Ted Nugent or DeMint

      1. OneTrueLiberal

        Mr. Dog,

        I am afraid I must correct you. The "best looking man" on [our] team is Federico del Sagrado Corazón de Jesús García Lorca:

        The little Page was looking for his voice.
        (King Barney Frank of Finland had it.)
        In a drop of "water"
        the little Page was looking for his voice — but his throat was sore.

        King Barney do not want it for speaking with;
        He will make an anal ring of it
        so that he may wear the Page
        on his little finger

        In a drop of "water"
        the little boy was looking for his "voice."

        (The captive voice, far away,
        put on Tom of Finland's clothes.)

        [Pardon the translation. Did any of our Wonkette colleagues fight in the Abraham Lincoln Brigade . . for the "freedom" of the Spanish to become communist?]

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

        P.S. Garcia was a lovely boy. But the gophers in the Rose Garden didn't seem to think so.

  18. Radiotherapy

    OK, not that I like Mike (Hawk) Steele, or Repubs in general, but let's be realistic here. Haha. The Repub Party ought to be be sucking his little Oreo. It's no doubt a problem with perception and not performance. Or, as more likely, leadership is WAY overrated.
    Hear me out:
    Two years ago weren't we talking about the demise of the GOP?
    Then the fucks were re-energized by the teabaggers, which is, of course, the Right wing of the GOP. Palin keeps them further alive. The party of NO was an effective strategy. Fox and fiends is gasoline on this conflagaration.
    Next thing you know, they "take back the country," in November. And then, most importantly, they THEY CUT TAXES ON THE RICH.

    I would say, with him, or in spite of him, these psychopaths have done pretty fucking well.
    They've got Obama and the Dems on the ropes. They've pushed the whole country to the Right. So, sure, Steele is a dick, but under his watch we are way more fucked than we were two years ago.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      Unfortunately, we are going to be way more fucked-over in the near term. The programs that the progressives put in decades ago still function, shielding the poors just enough so that they can't see past the propaganda. It will take the Republicans defunding those programs to drive the country down to the point where not even Fox News can distract and dissuade the disillusioned, and discomforted, the uninvolved, unemployed, uninformed voters, the point where they see that it isn't the other poor, the non-white, the immigrants who are keeping them down, it's their belief in leaders who only believe in themselves, and never miss an opportunity to step on a face to climb a bit higher.

      1. snoopyfan2010

        Wishful thinking….as long as there is someone to blame who isn't one of their own, there will always be a way to fool them. I would even go as far as saying they are not being fooled. They think they are playing a real life version of Survivor.

  19. karen

    I actually remember this little jingle being played along side zillions of the same picture of a squirrel with ginormous nutz dancing back and forth, circa…2001.

  20. Beanball

    I've been seriously bummed out all week, what with the assassinations, accusations & finger pointing and then losing my job.

    I thought to myself, Bean, you old ball, can it get any worse? But then Our Wonkette pulls out this massive attack of Blingee and GIFs, and there's my answer: Of course it can!

    Thanks, Stuef, you really made my week.

    Har dee har har.

    1. glamourdammerung

      Kind of like trolling sites just to be obnoxious, while making hateful comments about how hateful "libunatics" are?

    2. real_dc_native

      We are not libunatics we are Wonketteers. There are no double standards. In Wonkette land everyone make fun of everyone.

      You however are not trying to be funny. We have no time for you English pig-dog k..nig..hits. So go away before we mock you again.

      1. OneTrueLiberal

        "In Wonkette land everyone make fun of everyone — provided that:

        (1) said 'fun' is directly only at WingNut Conservatives; GunNUTz; Holders Of Religious Beliefs Of Which We Do Not Approve; and Anything Else With Which The TrueLiberal Herd Does Not Agree); and

        (2) provided that said said 'fun' does not Go Too Far; is Tasteful (according to the TrueLiberal Herd Consensus); and is written in virtually unintelligible language that does not perpetuate Grammar Mind Control Conspiracy."

        /Fixed.

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

        P.S. Is Negropolis the Black Kee-Night? If so, would you mind asking him to come collect his limbs off the White House lawn?

        Franklin is worried that – due to the dearth of gophers in the Rose Garden — Barney Frank (D-Mass) may start wrapping said limbs in duct tape and . . . well, you know.

        1. real_dc_native

          Are you enjoying this as much as we are? You seem so serious and this is not a serious political discussion. You really can't do sarcasm very well.

          If you think we try to be tasteful to anyone's standards you have not been reading Wonkette long enough.

        2. 4TheTurnstiles

          Holy shit, it really is Neilist.

          Just to be clear: when we make fun of religious fanatics, we're not disapproving of their beliefs (that would be boring)… we're making fun of the stupidity it takes to swallow that cumload and proudly identify it. How dumb do you have to be to join Westboro Baptist Church? Ask Antoine Dodson.

          1. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear 4TheTurnstiles:

            Your reference to the Catholic Church — "swallow that cumload and proudly identify it" — is deeply offensive, both to members of the One True Church and to all TrueLiberals.

            However accurate the latter may believe it to be.

            Please keep your bigoted, hate-filled comments about the Mother Church to yourself.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          2. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear 4TheTurnstiles:

            References to pedophilia are offensive, particularly given that some of our fellow TrueLiberal Wonketteers may have been traumatized by such a terrible event.

            If you are going to attempt such tasteless "humor," please refer to some condition NOT experienced by our fellow posters, e.g.:

            — Severe Mental Retar . . . (No, wait a minute) . . . .

            - – Anal wart . . . (Hmmm.) . . . .

            - – Complete Erectile Disf . . (No, no, hold on) . . .

            - – Transgender Personality Disor . . . (Drat!) . . .

            Oh, GOT it!:

            – "Addiction To Facts And Logical Thought." (Newly added to the DSM-5 by our TrueLiberal colleagues in the field of psychiatry!)

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            P.S. "Neilist" was, as he frequently admitted, an "asshole," and a very disturbed personality. Among other things, he suffered from the genetic defect — very common in those of Australian descent — of a pathological loathing of Hypocrisy and Poseurs. So he clearly didn't belong in here.

          3. UW8316154

            Yeah, he couldn't stand not dropping the clue about Negropolis. Imagine his arrogant shame of having "onetruliberal" out-troll him. He couldn't have that, no, not at all. So he drops a clue so that we can continue to bask in his glory. The shame is, neilist was probably closer to who he really is, and thus had a certain authenticity; this reincarnation is clearly trying too hard.

          4. OneTrueLiberal

            "Dropping the clue about Negopolis"?

            Franklin and I have only the greatest respect and admiration for Negropolis. He is a credit to his race, and reminds us of Paul Robeson in regards to his political ideals . . . .

            Although, Negropolis probably can't sing "Old Man River" as well.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

          5. imissopus

            I wonder if this OTL persona is actually closer to his true self: a whiner who either runs away or lashes out when he feels attacked or wronged. Maybe it's even tinged with a little bit of guilt because he knows it would have been an appropriate gesture to give the I-masturbate-to-Guns-and-Ammo shtick a break for a couple of days and the wonketeers called him on it. In any case, this new guise if fucking boring. The old Neilist, at least, came off as intelligent. This one comes off as kind of an idiot covering his idiocy with a lot of bluster.

        3. dogscantlookup

          What is the weight of a M-220 Tube-launched, Optically tracked, Wire-guided missile in kilos not lbs?
          PS Python fail

        1. SorosBot

          Yes, because a troll from BigRacist Breitbart's many, many, many, redundant sites knows this place's purpose.

    3. x111e7thst

      Isn't there a gun show somewhere you could be attending instead? I hear Obama is going to ban extra-capacity handgun magazines soon. You might want to pick up a couple of dozen before it's too late.

    4. benjo765

      Um, if you don't mind we prefer Liberaniacs. Also, your downbeat attitude is not recruiting anyone to your cause/bedroom in a hurry!

  21. HurricaneAli

    This was a nice sendoff for Mr.Steele, Jack, as well as for the many blingees and gifs and laffs Wonkette and Steele gave the commentariat. I can only hope this means that we can now forget that the RNC has a chairbeing and move on. This is closure, I think.

  22. Neoyorquino

    Needs more bondage lesbians. Though, to be fair, I would likely say that in response to any Wonkette post.

  23. 4TheTurnstiles

    Why do wingnut trolls have such boners for Eleanor Roosevelt? Is it the pussy that got away, guys? Or just a better beat-off alternative than wingnut babes like Palin or Bachmann or Taitz?

  24. bflrtsplk

    Just watching some sporting event or another on line when, during a commercial break, the song "I take a look at my enormous penis and my troubles start a meltin away'" comes on. Could it have something to do with Michael Steele?


  25. Post author
    Jack Stuef

    In response to the trolls: If you let your eyes relax like you do when you're looking at one of those optical illusion pictures, the Steeles sorta look like they're in 3D! Try it!

    1. Gay Recruiter

      Hey, here's an idea – you know how you can get psychedelic effects by rubbing your eyelids hard? How about you try it with Steele – rub one out thinking of him.

        1. Closet Lurker

          "Are we supposed to scrub our eyes with brilo pads or jerk off to Michael Steele?"

          That's timpani on late-night talk TV.

          IOW, the Conan drum).

  26. smellyal8tr

    What makes me happy is that the RNC cynically turned to Steele after Obama was elected ("we'll put up our ONE black member against the President") and he turned out to be AWFUL. Remember, this was a guy who could not get elected Lt Gov in Maryland. He proved to be the idiot we all thought he'd be. He leaves the party poorer than when he found it (the Tea Party in ascendence and the GOP with a $15 million budget deficit and a Presidential election in two years…) The Dems have picked some doozies in the past, but nothing like this fool.

  27. user-of-owls

    This is the second weekend in a row that I've had to turn off my volume every time I check the last post.

    Jack, this is pure mute libel.

  28. real_dc_native

    Jack, you should be proud. I can't remember the last time an item brought two trolls out of their holes.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I am not so sure they are different "people".

      Except for the di da whatever one, but I am pretty sure that is just a spambot random text generator that adds a random youtube link after the generated sentence.

      1. di_da_is_alpha

        I think you have me confused with "greasyrabbit". He does like the youtube. I do use one every once-in-awhile, though. The link I've been using the last couple of days isn't youtube (except for the "Thank God I'ma Liberal" song I posted elsewhere on this thread), but a still photo of the tacky blue shirts handed out at the "Arizona for Obama Reelection Rally (oh, and memorial) Extravaganza".

  29. SorosBot

    I just want to say one thing, to our current resident trolls OneTrueLiberal (who we all know is Neilist) and the current "A Gay Recruiter" who keeps changing his name, to repeat the immortal catchphrase of Dawn Summers:

    Get out, get out, GET OUT!!!

    1. OneTrueLiberal

      Dear, Dear SorosBot:

      Franklin and I regret your fixation. I recognize that we are icons for TrueLiberals, but "Our (Bleeding) Hearts Belong to Others," etc.

      (Mine to Lorena Hickcox; Franklin's to Lucy Page Mercer, that Warm Springs, Georgia WHOR . . .. )

      :::Ahem:::

      Gay Recruiter, however, may be unattached, and may welcome your attentions.

      May I suggest an appropriate "opening" gift?

      A hamster, and a roll of duct tape?

      With a tasteful card, of course.

      Cordially,

      Eleanor

      1. Gay Recruiter

        Those who demand tolerance the most from others (i.e., liberals)
        rarely exhibit the traits themselves

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Dear Closet:

          You, regrettably, are "Unclear on the Concept."

          TrueLiberals do not demand "tolerance." We demand obedience — specifically, to the Higher Morality And Greater Understanding that underlies all of our actions.

          Remember, the most important part of "Conventional Wisdom" is the second word. We Are Right. "They" are Wrong. So the rules — including those governing consistency, do not apply.

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

        2. SorosBot

          Those who are stupid (i.e. conservatives) think they are clever when hurling an accusation at liberals that they picked up from the right-wing hive-mind which every single other conservative in the country has already hurled, and is very easily refuted, in this case because they don't the meaning of the word "tolerance" and understand that means not judging people on inherent characteristics, such as race or sexual orientation; it is not intolerant to judge people based on what they actually do or say, such as your constant racism and homophobia.

          What's you're next from your "original" thought; the old "Democrats are the real racists because Robert Byrd was in the KKK (I'm going to ignore his many, many later repudiations and apologies)".

          1. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Closet Lurker:

            Franklin and I are very, very disturbed by your thoughtless response to our fellow TrueLiberal, SorosBot.

            If you refer his recent posts, even you should be able to see that he is becoming more and more agitated, more and more disturbed, more and more incoherent; and more and more humorless.

            These are obvious "warning signs" — if not virtual guarantees — of violent, psychotic behavior. Accordingly, please IMMEDIATELY stop provoking SorosBot by such misguided attempts at humor.

            Remember: "Jokes KILL!" We don't want another death nine-year-old girl on our TrueLiberal consciences. Don't put yourself into the position of feeling morally responsible when you hear that SorosBot has careened his Prius into a crowd of golfers or other Republican facists.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            P.S. Franklin says I should correct part of the above. SorosBot cannot be becoming "more and more humorless," as he never was humorous in the first place. I apologize for the error, and hope no one was offended by the same.

          2. SheriffRoscoe

            Neilist, you've grown dull and tiresome in your new persona. And whereas you used to be occasionally funny and thought provoking, you've morphed into the unofficial leader of the common trolls here on wonkett. You should have retired while you were still good.

          3. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Sheriff:

            While Franklin and I have the utmost respect for law enforcement officers — provided they do not attempt to enforce any "laws" against members of the TrueLiberal community" — we must object vigorously to your thoughtless and offensive comments against retirees and Vertically Challenged Persons.

            Some of your fellow Wonketters may be "Short People" — if not in terms of their physical, then certain their moral, statute. And may of your fellow Wonketters should have been "retired" some time ago. This is why, of course, the recent Obama "Heath Care Reform Bill" contains the so-called "death panel" (a/k/a "retirement") provisions.

            As to "leadership": TrueLiberals do not need "leaders," any more than do our spiritual kin, lemmings. Further, any Lemming Leader would run the risk of being wrapped in duct tape and given a guided tour of the Hon. Barney Frank's alimentary canal.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            P.S. Again, I ask you NOT to keep soliciting that "Neilist" creature to return. Your admiration for his "funny and thought provoking" posts reveals a dangerous lack of orthodoxy in your TrueLiberal beliefs.

          4. dyedwool

            Agree 100%, SheriffRoscoe. This new Neilist is past his sell-by date. Sorta reminds me of "comedian" Robin Williams, and how he shoulda retired…whatever year that was, way back when, last time he was funny.

          5. jim89048

            Whatever else I ever thought about Neilist, at least I read his posts. Laughed at some, even. This new gig is tired, and the only wonkette poster I scroll past. Sad waste of space and maybe even talent.

  30. tribbzthesquidz

    Oh, and also:
    Dear Trollz,
    The stock criticisms of libtardism fall flatter than your junk after your apostolic wife slips a steady stream of salt-peter in your diet. You might have a legit bitch over at the Kos or the Saloon or wherethefuckever but here, the jokes are good and people are open to learning new things, even from poopyhead n-e-i-l-i-s-t, who way over-played his hand on the wrong day and deservedly got hanbammered. We have SOME etiquette here and don't act like you done been wronged when you get kicked out of the club for being a nuisance. Speaking of etiquette I think it proper to let trollz in on a big ol' tall drink o' my ass. Cheers fuckerz!
    I've always thought of Wonkerz as a cocktail party, with emphasis on the cock and especially the tail, that I would want to be at, with what I envisioned was hostessed by the bespectacled wonkette lady icon of yore, who it was expected that guests would flirt with. Or maybe a cool bar where everybody knows your drag queen name or rap name. Wonkette, love it, love on it, OR LEAVE IT. Please. Seriously.

  31. HurricaneAli

    OT, I was reading about Bill Maher's takedown of the teahadists and the blogger (ok, it was on DK) referenced the Jon McNaughton painting, One Nation Under God, and he linked back to an old Wonkette post about it from 2009 (by that guy…what was his name?). It was a lot of fun going through the comments because a spontaneous Blingee competition had broken out and there were some sweet entries.

    Ah, 2009 – when trolls still relied on Commodore 64's to get their WND and Wonkette was just out of bandwidth reach.

    1. UW8316154

      Thanks for the memories! I remember that post well, it was epic and fun. I even had some comments under my old name (before the "wonkette change") – clearly I was alot funnier when I was unemployed, drinking two bottles of sake a day, and gripped in the fist of unrelenting depression.

      1. HurricaneAli

        There were a lot of handles that I recognized from back then that aren't around anymore.

        Yes, depression can be the wellspring of inspiration (and if you aren't inspired to kill yourself you can come up with some pretty funny shit).

          1. HurricaneAli

            <rubbing eyes> Naps, how do they work?

            /snark disengaged
            Eleanor, I have no idea about what happened last weekend that drove Neilist to self-ban himself from the Wonkett or what transpired afterwords, but I liked Neilist and thought he contributed to the community even if he sometimes teetered into troll territory. I remember some of other of the wise Wonkette commentariat remarked last weekend, "aren't we all trolls here?" and then there was a reference to a Firesign Theatre album and it was all fun, but that's what I think of when I'm here – Wonkette is ultimately a site for trolls – we are trolling against the things that frustrate us and make us angry like the dimwits and assholes who seem to endlessly populate our political landscape. And that's the nature of Wonkette and it doesn't seem at all surprising when some commenters go just a little too far and make a joke that's a little too close to home. That's when you apologize and then refuse to be bullied if another tries to lord it over you. Everyone makes mistakes and lawd knows I've made some bad, bad jokes in my day but I try to move on and do better next time.
            teeldeer, sorry.

            /snark reinitialized

            Eleanor, you came up with some pretty cool bumper sticker sentiments when you were alive, but you make a very boring troll.

          2. OneTrueLiberal

            /snark off

            Humorless Poseurs are entitled to No Mercy. They are like plague baccilli, or rats. Unless you stomp them out of existence, they multiply.

            And like rats and baccilli, their strength lies in numbers. One-on-one, they lack the intellect, and the physical and moral courage, to try to enforce their unfounded, illogical, and idiotic ideas.

            But let enough of them collect — or perhaps more accurately, congeal — and they start to try to enforce their Collective "Wisdom." First by way of social disapproval, and if that doesn't work, legislation. And if that doesn't work, force (albeit, government-sanctioned force).

            And as to the last — The Herd always has numbers on its side. Which is why, of course, The Herd instinctively dislikes firearms, or any other force-multiplier.

            Here in Wonkette-Land, most of the Humorless Poseurs are TrueLiberals. So they are the Targets of Opportunity for "assholes" like this "Neilist" creature.

            He's genetically pathological on the subject — like most Australians or those of Australian descent. And the Irish-Australians are the WORST. They NEVER back off from a fight.

            And if it's a losing fight — so much the BETTER! ("The minstrel boy to the war has gone/In the ranks of death you will find him," etc.)

            The only good thing that one might be able to say about sociopaths like this "Neilist" is that they are True Iconoclasts. Hypocrisy, regardless of political stripe, provokes the same reaction. The color of the cape doesn't matter.

            But these "bulls" are smart enough to go for the Humorless Poseur holding the cape, rather than the rag itself. And, once started, they go for blood. It's the nature of the beast — having been, throughout history, more often on the receiving end than not.

            Some people don't like the goring that results. If so, they should get out of the ring. It's called "Mano-a-Mano" for a reason: The Herd isn't going to be able to help the Humorless Poseur when these Toros close in.

            Respectful regards,

            [He Who Must Not Be Named]

            /Snark On

            Dear Ali:

            Your comment is deeply offensive to All Trolls Everywhere. The Olog-hai and Uruk-hai may look different that we TrueLiberals, and their Black Speech may sound "funny" to our ears. But Trolls have FEELINGS!!!

            Franklin and I have been forced to report your thoughtless comments to the TADL (Troll Anti-Defamation League). You should expect to receive a very nasty letter from their General Counsel shortly.

            Or maybe a raiding party of Uruk-hai from their local branch office in the White Tower. If so, please make sure that your receptionist does not mistake these visitors for some of the posters in here: The physical and personality similarities could fool even the most knowledgeable observer.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            P.S. /snark off

            I appreciate your thoughtful overture,and in return will offer a bit of (unsolicited) advice:

            When this "Neilist" maniac and his ilk start coming through the wire, keep yelling out "Người Viết Báo Cáo!!!!!" as loudly as you can. And for God's sake keep your hands empty and in the open, where they can been easily seen.

            [WeeGee will explain.]

            Regards, Stay Safe.

            [HWMNBN]

            /Snark On

            P.P.S. Franklin just got a nasty letter from the DDL (Dwarf Defamation League) about you. I think you'd better hire a lawyer.

          3. weejee

            Dear Eleanor, you old trout, you perhaps have a point that screaming *reporter* while crawling through the wire would likely get a sizable response from those who have no problem dropping trou in public for anyone with a pencil or a camera and then showing off their boils and small private parts.

          4. OneTrueLiberal

            Dear Mr. WeeGee:

            Your reference to "Old Trout" is deeply offensive to all Wymen Everywhere.

            Vaginal Odor is serious problem, and is an inappropriate subject for attempted "humor." At any time, and particularly at Certain Times that arrive monthly. (Delicacy forbids me from saying more.)

            Please keep your insensitive male chauvinistic pig comments to yourself. You are already suspect, having been seen exchanging bon mots with that psychopath "Neilist." YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            P.S. Franklin mentioned something about "waiting until Victor Charles trips the wires and the flares go up," but he's been drinking his Barney Frank semen-laced "cock-tails" all weekend and is about as coherent as TrueLiberals usually are.

          5. weejee

            Doubt we'd even break-up the poker game if the flares go off. We've baited the punji pits with Glocks und spiels Neilist won't be able to resit.

  32. Pragmatist2

    I was going to say the Steele is the only Black guy I have ever seen who would be picked out of a lineup as a white collar criminal, but I have decided to take a more civil tone an d will not say that.

  33. Gay Mexican Intern

    What the people really want to know, Jack, is what kind of Muppet is Reince Priebus? (no hope with Firefox spell check there!)

    Daily Show jokes don't write themselves, you know.

  34. ifthethunderdontgetya

    I read on a Sadly, No! thread that someone's friend went to H.S. with Mike Pence (R-IN06) and had a picture of him smoking pot. What should she do with it, was the question. I said if I had it I'd make a Blingee and post it on my blog.

    While I don't have it, I made a Blingee anyway.

    (We gotta do something until Jack sleeps off his hangover, right?)
    ~

    1. BarackMyWorld

      This won't hurt Mike Pence's presidential chance as much as the fact that he doesn't have Executive Experience™.

  35. Troubledog

    In terms of my contributions to race relations, I am willing to write a Michael Steele role into Untitled Chris Rock NASCAR Project. I also am shopping

    - Untitled Chris Rock Takes Over The Tea Party project (starts as him agreeing to be an Alvin Greene token but suddenly loves his country and rises up, black version of Palin kind of deal)

    - Untitled Chris Rock Is American Gigolo 2 Project be his dramatic breakout role like that guy that did the Ray Charles movie (admittedly a little weak), and

    - Untitled Chris Rock and Chris Tucker as Rival Pimps Project (forced to unite to oppose new pimp in town Dave Chappelle – basically a formulaic thing you might see Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller in kind of deal).

    Really, this stuff is almost ready to shoot. It kind of writes itself. Maybe a weekend.

    1. HurricaneAli

      T-dog, I think you would benefit from reading Roger Corman's seminal work, How I Made A Hundred Films In Hollywood And Never Lost A Dime. Two weeks max for a high-quality Corman production (and, yes, "high-quality" and "Corman production" is an oxymoron).

    1. OneTrueLiberal

      Dear Mr. Fuflans:

      Your suggestion that "[t]his entire blog can be shipped to Afghanistan" is deeply offensive to all TrueLiberals.

      Although the Afghans are, by our standards, an uncivilized, violent, xenophobic, bigoted, sexist, fanatical, and parochial, mishmash of savage tribes, these primitive peoples are not beyond the bounds of humanity.

      Exposing them to the irrationality of most of the posters in this blog would Transgress The Bounds of Human Decency; violate the United Nations Charter; constitute a Crime Against Humanity; and be Just Plain Mean.

      Please be more careful about your comments in the future. Remember: "Jokes KILL!"

      Cordially,

      Eleanor

        1. OneTrueLiberal

          Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms Fulflans:

          My humble and most embarrassed apologies! I should have realized that, like most TrueLiberals and Wonketteers, your gender is difficult to define, and subject to change.

          I can assure you that I meant no disrespect to you, or any other member of the Transgendered community (whatever that terms means).

          Both Franklin and I appreciate fully that the Transgendered have feelings, too; and that any "jokes" regarding the same have potentially lethal consequences.

          I, least of all, want to encourage a 300 lb., ex-Marine, enhanced hormone therapy, pre-opt sex change patient named Lance/Loretta from beating a nine-year-old girl to death with his/her/its purse because he/she/it wanted the same "On Sale!" Brittney Spears "teddy."

          Cordially,

          Eleanor

          1. fuflans

            oh, fuflans is never insulted. fuflans is an etruscan god of wine – a minor deity with none of the responsibility and all of the wackiness of godhead. (just like a liberal!!!).

            however, fuflans is often bored.

          2. OneTrueLiberal

            Those Etruscans were incredibly offensive. Particularly that Lars Porsenna guy. Sounds a lot like that "Neilist" creature.

            Cordially,

            Eleanor

            P.S. Franklin tends to quote Lord Macaulay when he's drunk. Which is usually, as are all TrueLiberals:

            "For ever man upon this earth,
            Death cometh soon or late.
            But can a man die better,
            Than facing fearful odds,
            For the ashes of his fathers,
            And the temples of his gods"?

            :::Hic! Haec! Hoc!:::

            There he goes again. "Steward! Another 'cock-tail' for the President!"

  36. Sassomatic

    I think Michael Steele will always be remembered for this famous line: "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."

    1. DoktorZoom

      Naww, that was Michael Vick. Michael Steele was that detective guy played Pierce Brosnan. You know, the one who said, "Go ahead…Make my day."

  37. slithytoves

    Jesus fucking, Mary and Joseph. I work on the weekends, why can't Wonkette? Nice effing benefits package. And I don't mean what's in your pants, Jack.

  38. BarackMyWorld

    In addition to the Dr. King holiday, tomorrow is the 50th anniversary of Pres. Eisenhower's farewell address, a.k.a. the "Military Industrial Complex" speech.

  39. Pragmatist2

    Continuing my holiday tradition (along with sitting alone crying on Christmas and getting sloppy drunk on Groundhogs Day) –

    Happy Fucking Martin Luther King Day!

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