Something Called a ‘Reince Priebus’ Is Your New RNC Chair

  let's make sure we spell this 'reince priebus' tag right first

A comedy, tonight?The Republican National Committee has voted for change: It has voted for people making fun of their chairman’s name. On the 864th ballot, which was sponsored by a Lockheed Martin jet, the RNC finally selected Wisconsin Republican Party chair Reince Priebus as its new chairman. His claim to fame is defeating Russ Feingold and winning the governorship of his state this past year, though he kindly let guys named Ron Johnson and Scott Walker take those jobs after the election. And here’s a fun game: try to say his name one time fast. Yeah. Impossible. He has a funny name. Which is just what they said about a guy named Barack Obama. (Priebus is secretly Kenyan, is what we’re saying.)

We are going to force you to watch his campaign video for a few seconds at the 1:55 point:

That was niiiice of those foooolks.

HE IS A TOUR DE FORCE.

“I’m not running for chairman because I think I’m better than anyone,” he says. So he’ll be worse than Michael Steele? Hooray!

Anyway, out of jealousy that this guy has two weird, hard-to-pronounce names, your editor is changing his to “Freunt Stuef.”

This guy’s name sounds like the name of a tart filling you order at a bakery in Europe and immediately spit out because it’s disgusting. It sounds like the scientific name for a small, forest-dwelling mammal. It sounds like the three-quarters of beers you can’t order at a good bar.

Here are some Twitter jokes.

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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273 comments

    1. gef05

      Yes, yes he was. He had sex with Professor Dumbledore, on a unicorn, right before the scandalous scene involving Hermione and a pat of butter..

    2. Sophist FCD

      Actually, it sounds more like a character from one of the Star Wars prequels. You know, after Lucas ran out of good names and started coming up with them by pulling Scrabble tiles out of a hat.

  1. Jerri

    "Reince Priebus" sounds like an olde legale terme for the consequences of a sex act. "Your honor, Goode Withers was found in ye olde slop trough in Farmer Jackobes' barn committing an an unholy act with the stablehand! The good people demand Reince Priebus!"

    1. LetUsBray

      Oh, like in Aristophanes' play "The Wasps", where he claimed the penalty for adultery was to get buttsecksed with a giant radish: A "Reince Priebus".

      1. Negropolis

        Sounds painful, but oddly squishy and disappointing, like being sponged to death, which is like waterboarding, but it takes days on end.

        1. chickensmack

          You're close.

          The old joke referred to two British explorers caught wandering in the darkest African jungle by a native tribe that offered them their liberty after "unga bunga." Neither of them knowing what that meant, the first captive explorer agreed. He was then sodomized repeatedly by the tribesmen.

          The second stiffupperlipper suggested he'd rather endure death than to be ravaged by savages. The chieftain then declared: "So be it. DEATH — BY UNGA BUNGA!"

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      You may laugh, because it looks stupid… But there are a lot of young boys that have lost their virginity in the back of a Reince Preibus.

    1. forgracie

      Your avatar! Actually, that movie should have been called "The Head that Wouldn't Shut Up." Like Palin.

      1. Janinthepan

        It would only be "The Head that Wouldn't Shut Up" at the very end of the movie. The beginning credits would title it "The Brain that Wouldn't Shut Up".

    2. Gay Mexican Intern

      That was fucking classic Colbert. I just about ruined my laptop with nose-borne coffee.

      I regret I have but one upfist to give you for that link.

  2. natoslug

    Now there's a person who would've been bullied even if he was home-schooled. How long until his Top goes public?

  3. Crank_Tango

    prince riebus, where are the fucking jobs? and why have you not yet killed the healthcare I don't have?

  4. SexySmurf

    This is off his meager Wikipedia page:

    "He also has a dog named Sam. His favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate chip."

    If I was Obama, I'd just resign now.

    1. SorosBot

      A dog named Sam? Great, the dog's probably telling Reince's neighbor to go out and kill people for Satan.

  5. tbogg

    So, wait, they went gay (Mehlman), Island-Mexican (Martinez), black guy (Steele) and now they're back to gay again?

    I thought once you go black you never go back.

  6. bflrtsplk

    That one time I had a Reince Priebus and I had to go into emergency surgery to have it removed? Man, it hurt like hell and had to stop drinkin' fer six months. Not again!

  7. JustPixelz

    If only Michael Steele had won more Congressional seats on his watch, he'd still be top dog in the Repubican Party.

    1. Negropolis

      Mikey would have had to win every seat in both houses and every governorship in the country to get them to forgive him his black skin.

  8. mindo99

    He sounds like that old Martin Short character Ed Grimley. "That was nice of those folks, if I do say so myself!"

    1. finallyhappy

      People jaywalk across major streets here in the DC area (at least Georgia and Colesville) while texting- I guess a video of me hitting one of them wouldn't be very funny- or how about if I was going really slow?

  9. memzilla

    Among the anagrams for "Reince Priebus" are: Beer Incurs Pie, Pubic Sneer Ire, Eerie Crib Puns, Crisp Bee Urine, Be Precise Ruin, and I Be Pruriences.

  10. MinAgain

    I guess it's true what they say…a black man has to work twice as hard and have twice as much success to get half as much credit.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        Let's see. Um, that's 2 (as hard) * 2 (as much) * 3/5 (of a white man) * 1/2 (as much credit) = 1.2! He still did better than parity, so why didn't he win the reelection?

  11. LionelHutzEsq

    Is he still married to Zsa Zsa, and was it ever proven that he didn't father Anna Nichole's baby?

      1. LionelHutzEsq

        Hell, he seems more qualified than most to be GOP chair. What is his stance on young boys? In particular: Is it wide?

  12. OneYieldRegular

    No one's yet answered my prior inquiry into the correct pronunciation of his name, so I'm just going to have to go with "Reyoncé"

  13. gef05

    The Republicans have a lot of gall to play games with the name "Barack Obama" when they've got this guy waiting in the wings.

    Oh but wait, one sounds black.

    1. Sophist FCD

      I don't know, his name is so far off the white end of the spectrum that it might actually warp back around onto the black end. I could totally believe that Reince Priebus was a tight-end for the Raiders, for instance.

    1. Beowoof

      I have not been able to watch the video my gag reflex is too sensitive. Thanks for pointing out what I had kind of figured to be the case.

  14. snoopyfan2010

    If the video is true, he is the evil beast that we have to thank for the election of so many Repubs.

  15. Troubledog

    Reince Priebus and Erick Erickson anchor opposite ends of the Creativity In Baby Naming bell curve.

  16. weejee

    Does Cheeseheadlandia's esteemed former Junior Senator Joe McCarthy know that Wisconsin has "TURNED RED." (0:05)

    Sweet Jeebus frincking Cheetos, old Joe must be spinning in his grave at the thought that Wisconsin Rethugs were celebrating that his beloved state turned red.

  17. EdFlintstone

    Will he offend the constitution? Dustbowl–that performance of your new Governor had to make you OK democrats laugh your ass off.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      What? What did I miss while I was at True Grit? (Which I immediately recognized as not the Winding Stair Mountains, btw. Just in case the Coens are reading.)

    1. weejee

      The contraction for Reince would, Reince'd, is a homophone for rancid. So using this in a sentence:

      Cafe patron Waiter I have a Reince'd Priebus in my soup
      Waiter So take it up with Justice Thomas at the Supreme Court

  18. Flitzy

    So can we start a pool about when and what type of scandal will happen for the Priebus era of the RNC?

      1. finallyhappy

        My money is on the usual- having the wide stance while being married to a "good christian" woman, being a deacon in your church and having spoken about bringing back DADT.

    1. Radiotherapy

      My money is on it being right out of the Alinsky playbook, with Palin being the resultant victim, and blame ultimately going to the liberal media.

    1. Extemporanus

      "There's no wrong way to eat a Reince Priebus!" 
       
      Those hypocritical RNC closet cases may not be as dumb as we think — they just elected a chairman with a candy-ass-sounding name famous for attracting a homeless, uninsured, brown skinned, illegal alien.*
       
      *(EDITORS: Howz 'bout making a photo like that of Reince "Reese's Pieces" Priebus and his long-fingered, waist-tall, extra-testicled, anchor boyfriend the dude's de facto Wonkette blog post portrait?) 

  19. voodooeconomics

    Priebus, go to your father, Petraeus!

    Must have been a long night of drinking to come up with a name like that.

  20. Texan_Bulldog

    I, for one, will miss Steele. I eagerly await his 'Brother can't get a break in the RNC" media tour next week.

  21. indecencycmdr

    Remember when Bill Cosby, a few years ago, was like "C'mon, black people. Give your kids normal names. Not like D'Brickashaw". Well, well, well Mr. Cosby. The chickens have come home to roost! (um, what? sorry.)

  22. Extemporanus

    Outgoing RNC chairman Michael Steele just issued the following statement in support of his newly-elected successor:

    "Reiba Priebus is oba-kaybus, ba-baby! Buh-byeba nowba!"

  23. Veritas78

    Wasn't Rience Priebus the guy that Duvalier overthrew in Haiti? You look in the Port-au-Rience phone book and they got Priebuses up the wazoo. Mebbe this guy's an albino anchor-babette or sumpin.

  24. zhubajie

    I still hope Steele manages to make off with RNC megabucks and then gives an interview in Brazil laughing at all the Republifools. Maybe open a chain of lesbo S&M bars.

  25. snoopyfan2010

    A quote from TPM:
    "Reince Priebus who worked at a law firm that helped clients seek stimulus funds. In 2009, Priebus’s firm, Michael Best & Friedrich LLP, created a “Stimulus Legislation Team” — of which Priebus was listed as a member — that promised clients to “identify opportunities, prepare appropriate proposals and make targeted contacts to secure funds.”
    The same Priebus that said "My guess is he would believe that Obama should be executed and he oughta be treated as a war criminal." "

      1. Extemporanus

        You can take the bowels out of Reince Priebus, but you can't take Reince Priebus out of the bowels.

  26. ttommyunger

    To make it easy for the 'Tards, he shall simply be known as the "RNC Chief previously known as: Fuckmeinthemouth".

  27. GodShammgod

    I'm guessing he's your typical self-loathing closeted gay Catholic, since "Priebus" sounds like a cross between "priest" and "penis".

  28. iburl

    We're all gonna need a Reince Prebus (Swedish for 'Taint Douche') after seeing the J. Loughner G-string pics.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      This piece of shit has really tried my character for sure. I am a staunch opponent of the death penalty – hell, I testified for leniency on behalf of my own brother's murderer, for cripes sake. But for this fucker, I don't think I mind seeing him get the juice – and that has really been fucking with my sleep lately.

    1. Janinthepan

      There once was a repub named Reince, who rarely ever wore pants. He'd go to bars in a skirt, with the boys he would flirt, and blow them if they gave him a chance.

      That's as good as I can come up with in five minutes, enjoy!

  29. Jukesgrrl

    I tried Reince Priebus at a tasting in Napa. I took a couple of bottles home, but it wasn't worth buying a whole case. Too oaky.

  30. lulzmonger

    Given we're talking RNC here it's redundant to say so, but: doped to the tits, a pedo, or both.

    Oh man, I can actually smell the forest of fat rich old guy dicks on his breath right through my monitor … brb, Air-Wick.

  31. Troubledog

    Reince Priebus Reince unh Reince Priebus can't stop talkin bout Reince Priebus Reince Priebus Reince Priebus to tha mothafuckin Reince Priebus people lemme hearya say Reince Priebus Reince Priebus y'all fucked up about Reince Priebus Reince Priebus bitches

  32. marinmaven

    Anagrams of Reince Priebus:
    Ruin Be Precise
    Epic Rube Risen
    Curb Eerie Spin
    Ursine Crib Pee
    Bruise Creep In
    Be Prurience Is

    His name is trying to tell us something.

    His name sounds like comes from the era when people believed in Homunculi and women had no souls.

  33. OneTrueLiberal

    Don't Republicans have the oddest names?

    "Reince Priebus"? What kind of a name is that?

    Why don't they have sensible, American names like good TrueLiberal Democrats?

    Hearty, Honest, American, Midwest names like, say, Kweisi Mfume? Or Chaka Fattah?

    Oh, or Barack Hussein Obama?

    Cordially,

    Eleanor

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Welcome, Eleanor, but next time you come a callin, please reince your priebus before gettin here.

  34. KRexRoOoarR

    What a pleasant surprise, I thought they'd pick a fat old white guy but, they picked the geeky bobble headed white guy instead! Seriously his head shakes more than Michael J. Fox's. I'm still REALLY going to miss Steele.

  35. SaintRond

    Every time I see a new Republican, they always amaze me at how they all have some perverted quality going on that uniquely belongs to them – this guy has his too; he's a compulsive fucking wiggler. I wonder what the next freak who comes along is going to demonstrate.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      I'd settle for a Loewen & Navarro* performance at the investiture.

      *BoDeans side-project, I think. You know, though, the BoDeans; that band that did the theme to FOX evening soap Party of Five, or, where we first saw Jennifer Love Hewett's tig ol' bitties.

  36. Negropolis

    "That was nice of thooose fooolks to say that stuff."

    Folksy accented affectation? Check! Unspecific uncountable nouns? Check! Aww shucks, y'all; isn't he just disarmingly and bewilderingly befuddled? Keep dragging out that Upper Midwestern "o", Reince. Drag it too far, though, and you might just tip over.

    Mikey Steele, we're going to miss you. But, boy! This Reince Toyota Priebus guy is the next best thing if I ever saw one.

    BTW, Wisconsin; WTF, man?! You used to be so cool before you went all Ohio/Florida on us.

    1. OneTrueLiberal

      Negropolis, My Dear Boy (if you will pardon that appellation):

      Franklin and I could not agree more with your post. Thank Marx (Karl, not Groucho) that TrueLiberals such as ourselves only use the most refined, Mid-Atlantic Drawl, rather than the Suckin' & Jiving, Inner-City Ghettoese Street Patois that mars the speech of anyone less liberal and hip than we.

      In fact, nothing says "Useless Human Waste, Fit For Powder" than an inability to speak in the soft, cultured New England tones that Franklin acquired in prep school.

      Cordially,

      Eleanor

      1. Negropolis

        Eleanor, you forget yourself! You were a champion of the poorest of the poor, an indefatigable warrior for race and gender equality, who'd never be heard speaking ill of the urban poor.

        Someone arrest this imposter; it is impersonating (poorly) the most postively influential First Lady in the history of the United States.

        1. problemwithcaring

          Remember the call for empathy, NP. Neilist finally gets to engage in his fantasy of getting fucked orally by a man of the liberal persuasion, all while trolling Wonkette. This is the best that useless lonely men can hope for in their old age – a place to live out their sex fetishes online. Don't take it away from him.

          1. Negropolis

            You're right. It's just too bad he was the first to respond to one of my better thought out posts? :( It's like someone crappy in a freshly cleaned toilet.

  37. MiniMencken

    Sounds like a Star Wars character to me. You know, inside a death star, a session of the Imperial court: herald announces, "Now comes before the Emperor Palpatine, Reince Priebus."

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Reince might not be in favour of second amendment remedies — I'll have to check with that weasel from PolitiFact Wisconsin, Greg Borowski, to make sure I'm not "pants on fire" before I make the allegation — but being from Kenosha, I'm sure Ol' Feebz wouldn't be against a hit-job.

      Ralph Capone in the house, oh, yeah!

  38. mayor_quimby

    Paul Ryan looks like somebody I just can't place, I'm leaning towards Presbo from The Wire, does that seem about right?

    1. Negropolis

      Strange, his face seems so familiar, but I can't place it either. Besides that, though, he reminds me of a sleazy lawyer.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      His wife won't be surprised to find out.

      "Oh, honey, you want to do anal, again? We've done practically every nite for six years consecutive, now. But, alright", she said, last nite.

      (Of course, being a Republican, she's prolly into it, & uses it in her dirty-talk when she's getting shtupped proper — in the vagi, I mean — by the pool-boy.)

      1. Negropolis

        Too. Much. Imagery.

        To imagine that pasty, doughy, amorphously-shapped, five-headed motherfucker doing anything without articles of clothing disgusts me. So, I'll just think about his wife, who in my mind will be played by actress Katey Sagal as Peggy Bundy.

  39. Trinket

    That guy is a bigger goober than Ben Quayle, even. I am slightly less heartbroken about losing Michael Steele.

  40. JoeMansion

    Is it just me, or do the names Reince Priebus and Rush Limbaugh sound like something George Lucas came up with while huffing VapoRub?

  41. chimpinatophat

    I met the guy once at a Madison political thing (fellow Wisconsinite). The thing about Reince Priebus is that as soon as you meet him you cannot imagine him being named anything but Reince Priebus. He fills a reince-shaped void in the priebus. I don't know how else to explain it.

    Also, he is a gigantic asshole, but that's only to be expected.

  42. SaintRond

    Okay, I watched this latest perv boy vomited forth by the GOP and sure enough, he's got his own singularly weird ass thing going on that jumps right out of the little video capture that Wonkette has been so gracious in bringing us. I couldn't put my finger on what it was immediately, but then I got it.

    This little cocksucker freak wiggles and bobs his head continuously in slow motion, like someone secretly wearing a sexual device under their clothes. I wouldn't be the least surprised either if that were the case.

  43. mourningnmerica

    The obvious conclusion here is that he was elected because his name rhymes exactly with "Finds Jeebus".
    Again, perhaps a Danny Kaye connection here as well. "The Preibus loves some Jeebus and a penis in the anus."
    .

  44. x111e7thst

    So Reince Priebus is not a fungal infection you get from too much time kneeling on dirty restroom floors?

  45. horsedreamer_1

    Not particularly Ol' Queen Reincelaus related, but reading the flagship Sunday paper of his state, I caught an article on the new buzzwords in DC, following the Republican take-over of the house. There, I saw these words, from Frank Luntz, under the sub-head Job-killing (no variation, multiple-uses):

    Republicans recently introduced the "Repealing the Job-killing Health Care Law Act". The 300-word bill uses the phrase "job-killing" four times. Boehner used it seven times in the course of a brief news conference. "That's what the health-care law now is, that's what immigration now is. If they run out of Diet Coke in the dining-room, it'll be a job-killing mistake", Luntz said.

    In other words, it means nothing. Just more inflammatory non-sense to incite further Teabagging backlash at the polls. & I thought we were becoming more "civil", &, more importantly, "adult". (The second being another GOP buzzword, just as it was when George W. Bush assumed the presidency from Bill Clinton ("the grown-ups are back in charge").)

  46. LookASheep

    Reinse Priebus:
    Wash, dry, and fold.
    Boehner, white shorts, driving off the first tee.
    Out damned spot.
    More Zout.

    Repeat.

  47. Sophist FCD

    Something oppressive,
    Something regressive,
    Something for everyone:
    The GOP tonight!

    Something for donors,
    Something for Boehners,
    Something for everyone:
    The GOP tonight!

    Bring on the booze, bring on the whores;
    Nothing for muzzies, unions or poors!
    This time it all turns out far right!
    Tragedy tomorrow,
    GOP tonight!

  48. UnstableRedhead

    At least with Steele out, all teh blax are cleansed from the GOP in one fell swoop. ("oh good, now we can talk about them without having to call them 'French Canadians'.")
    Time to give another self-hating minority the chance at being Cinderella.

  49. GregComlish

    For to us a Chairman is born this day,
    and his name shall be called
    Wonder Bullshitter, Mighty Hack,
    Everlasting Reagan, Prince of Priebus.

  50. easynewz

    "He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called… Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks."

  51. politics_nerd

    Obviously a fake name. Anybody else get the feeling you are reading the Onion when perusing normal -even w'ette- news items?

  52. Ducksworthy

    Jack, I know its late but I thought it was important to inform you that Reince Priebus is the latin term for a prolapsed rectum.

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