jumpin' fried pork tenderloin sandwich!

Chuck Grassley Startled By Big ‘Nrg’

No wonder that city smells, right, Grassley?
Did everyone hear that ITC of CedrRapids had their employes? They did. Chuck Grassley was there. What else did he see? Why, a giant Nrg! You don’t come across a lot of those in Cedar Rapids, let your editor tell you. Not exactly the most diverse place.

Though Grassley is routinely criticized by teenagers for his poor use of the English language, he is politically astute. He provided a second tweet, within an hour, after realizing he said the “word” “Nrg”:

Duhhhhhh

This may be the first time in history Grassley has provided a Grassley-to-English translation for his tweets. With this Rosetta Stone, experts may one day be able to figure out the language of all his messages. [Twitter]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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131 comments

    1. mereoblivion

      "They're all the same size, but the black ones last longer."
      Shirley Temple to the candy-store owner when he wonders why she asked for a black candy-stick in particular. (I think the movie was Captain January but wouldn't bet on it. Right now I'm too distracted by Megan Fox's, um, necklace.)

  1. el_donaldo

    Everybody please steer clear of Grassley's hindquarters. It's not clear what the threat is, but it's big and includes the letters N, R, and G.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Energee Gym is the location Senator Herb Kohl provides for the Milwaukee Bucks dancers so they can train.

  2. weejee

    Silly Grassley, energy = erg, not nrg. The Senator looses $500 in the Wonkbot Jeopardy Phizzics category.

    Good thing he didn't get dyslexic with that and go talking about his worries about a big NGR, too, also.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      2 late 2 edit: "That NGR's Crazy" is the correct title. Sometimes memory doesn't serve. It double faults.

      1. Gunner Asch

        I'm doing my part to stay with my age group. It's all I can do to answer my daughter's cell phone when I borrow it and every time I try to call out is like the first time. Who knows why all that other stuff is in there too.

  3. mereoblivion

    We know you have a certain amount of contempt for your constituents, Chuck, but the least you could do is capitalize the name of your friggin' state!

  4. Moonbatting Average

    Just so there's no further confusion…
    Spc = special
    Chnk = chunk
    Bnr = Boehner
    Mck = mock
    Kyk = ??? (help me out here)

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      1st u mst find nother shrbry. 2 u hv shby, u plc hr, bside n higher, 2lyr f-ect wpath nmiddle. 3 cut forst w/hrrng

    1. DeeJayKitteh

      I think he's on to something — this can be his new theme song.

      NRGs with an attitude. Constituents who are in the mood. C'mon don't just stand there, let's get to it. Strike a pose, there's nothing to it. GRASSLEY!

  5. EatsBabyDingos

    I'm from Cedar Rapids (well, Marion, the "Manassas Park of the West")

    "ITC" is really "IBTC," which is really the "Itty Bitty Titty Committee." And it is their "hindquarters" that were getting all the "NRG" from their employes also, too.

      1. GuanoFaucet

        Anger is an energy
        Anger is an energy
        Anger is an energy

        May the road rise with you
        May the road rise with you
        May the road rise with you

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    "Chuck Grassley" is really an anagram for his real name, "Gassy Chuckler."

    He sits in his own pew at church.

    1. SecretMuslin

      Dingo – You are the salvador dali of fart jokes. No matter the topic you are able to paint it into a melting, surreal fart reference. There are many here who can make the good buttsechs joke, but to have so perfectly mastered the intellegent, relevant fart joke is a real gift.

      It pleases me greatly, and I am humbled by your talents.

  7. Dances_For_Ham

    Whenever I see Big Energy walking down the street, I cross to the other side and clutch my purse. Eyes diverted, slightly downward with a freakish half smile / grimace on my lily white face.

  8. LetUsBray

    I had a big Nrg once. But I went to the dermatologist, and he gave me this ointment that cleared it up.

  9. Terry

    I can't stand texting abbreviations. Grassley is old enough to be able to write properly. Shame on him (or his intern).

    1. OneDollarJuana

      He's also old enough for his thumbs to starting hurting after about 60 characters. Hence the wait for an hour to clarify his earlier tweet. Had to wait for the Motrin to kick in.

  10. Lascauxcaveman

    experts may one day be able to figure out the language of all his messages

    I suppose there might come a day when they actually want to do that, but I certainly can't image it.

  11. horsedreamer_1

    Nice to see the New Rhythm & Blues Quartet (trio? (didn't Gerald Levert die, awhile ago?) has ended Soul Train's proscription of service to Iowa.

  12. user-of-owls

    Just so everyone is clear on this. I copyrighted the tag "elected ruminant" when referring to Grassley hundreds of years ago.

    Thank god I had a good ju lwyr.

  13. SheriffRoscoe

    'ITC of Cedar Rapids had their employees' is the kind of thing you might hear come out of the mouth of an overweight Southern Baptist woman at a coffee klatch. Flower print cotton dress, etc. You guys get the picture?

  14. TheHigherSpread

    This is what they found scratched into the walls of Chuck's office, right before the walking dead came for him.

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Grassly's intern had enough characters space to spell energy (only 125 or so characters) A whole 3, count'em 3 extra characters would have saved a morning's worth of ridicule.

    Fucking Twitter Twats.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      Yes, but Republicans almost always are penny-wise and pound-foolish, always willing to follow ideology and habit no matter what the cost.

  16. genxr

    Sometime in the past a group of nerds were sitting around designing what would become the Internet, saying to themselves, "We can connect the whole world!" Nobody stopped to ask, "Do you really think we should?"

      1. genxr

        Indeed, I think we made it too easy to use. In the old days someone would have given this guy a series of tubes – cardboard tubes, taped together – and said, "Speak into this to broadcast your tweets." And that would have been the end of it.

        1. SorosBot

          Hey, I remember back before the internet was easy to use, and what happened when AOL made it so any idiot could get online. "Now every month is September".

  17. OneTrueLiberal

    It is appalling that someone would use such an abbreviation, which apparently refers to the offensive term "Negro."

    Anyone using such a term should be imprisoned immediately — save for, of course, our dear friend Negropolis.

    Cordially,

    Eleanor

    1. smokefilledroommate

      Man–you really love Negropolis.. If I tell you to eat shit, will you post an unfunny form letter addressed to me?

      1. OneTrueLiberal

        Is he really a "Negro"? Franklin insists that he is Greek? Because of the last name? Or perhaps Franklin is re-living experience an experience he shared with Mr. Polis in the Men's Room of the Harvard Club?

        Cordially,

        Eleanor

    2. SecretMuslin

      Are we sure this isn't Neilist? Perhaps one of the personalities he normally stores under the bed along with his death arsenal?

  18. SmutBoffin

    If he had to use two tweets anyway, why couldn't he just split the message in two and express himself clearly in 280 characters?

    Hengh?

  19. Eve8Apples

    I also began my celebration of MLK Day with a few cocktails a few days early, but at least I had the good sense to stay away from Twitter.

  20. Negropolis

    The translation actually doesn't make any more sense than the original tweet. But, that is to be expected of Chuck "Corns-for-Brains/Children of the Korn" Grassley.

    BTW, I think the correct abbr. is "the n-word".

    Y-tee/YT, please.

Comments are closed.