Please return this xBox to its rightful owner: Sauron. He hasn't been able to play Mario Kart for months and he misses it dearly.Quick! What is the fastest way to make money on the Internet? “Selling Gawker your anonymous college essay about the time you saw Julian Assange’s mangy pube patch” is not an acceptable answer, because instead of paying you in legal tender Nick Denton would probably just transfer a few of his toenail clippings into your PayPal account. So basically your only other option is to ask Sarah Palin to autograph a box — a shoebox, Julian Assange’s hairy man-box, any box will do — and then auction this box for millions upon billions of dollars. You will be rich immediately! Just ask this weird guy from Canada, who has spent nearly two years trying to sell his Palin-bedazzled “x” box for $1.1 million on eBay. There are no jobs and everybody is poor, so naturally most people have plenty of extra money to spend on a hilariously over-priced, vandalized box that is probably haunted by demons.

Here is the seller’s autobiography:

My name is David Morrill. I live in Alberta Canada and I have always wanted to drive the Alaskan highway from my home near Edmonton Alberta, all the way to Alaska. This trip is about a 7000km / 4300mi round trip. I figured that since I was going up there anyway, I should try to see the most famous person from that state, so I timed my trip with the governors picnic in Wasilla. When the governors picnic took place there were hordes of people trying to see her, but I pushed my way through the crowd to the front of the line. When I was in front of Sarah Palin, I told her that I had traveled three days to see her and asked her to sign my Xbox360. She said it was the most extravagant thing she had ever been asked to sign. I shook her hand, removed myself from the crowd, and then I packed up my Xbox360 and headed home. It was one of the greatest thrills of my life to have watched Sarah Palin on CNN, SNL, Youtube, and then to see her right in front of me.

The Immaculate Conception (of this dumb autographed box)Instead of a Certificate of Authenticity, this autographed video game console comes with a moldy “Wasilla dog” purchased at Sarah Palin’s child labor snack shack. That’s all the proof anyone should ever need.

And not a Jewlibel more!
Even if some idiot does eventually buy this box of horrors for $1.1 million, PayPal will charge a “processing fee” before mailing our Canadian friend a check for the grand sum of “a clump of Nick Denton’s dandruff.” Oh man! Should have just written that story about the pubes! [Mediaite]

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  • slithytoves

    Well, hell, this couldn't be any more timely, important, and compelling. I'm in!

  • Barbara_i

    No thanks Canuck! We have Gretzky and you can keep Sarah's tired old box.

    • slithytoves

      Two Maine Coons in a row – yikes.

  • Crank_Tango

    Please, Riley, I think we all know that Assange's coinpurse is waxed so hard it shines like patent leather.
    Still, his shaved off pubes would be worth more than a cuntbilly xbox–Anyway would the carpet match the drapes? Don't tell me, I don't wanna know.

    • rileywaggs

      Says you. Pics or GTFO.

      Goodnight, weirdos!

    • salt_bagel

      You're all wrong. I have it on good authority that Assange wears a codpiece with a TV in it, like Gaga's new sunglasses. Except his TV broadcasts secrets instead of music videos.

  • HempDogbane

    1,100,000 starbursts of light colored substance.

    • DoktorZoom

      And a Red Ring of Death…or as we now call it, a "blood li…."

      Aw fuck it, that joke's already been done to death.

      By me, even.

  • StillGoinGreen

    Sister Snowcunt is done, finished, kaput – thanks solely to Sister Snowcunt herself. RIP, YOU FUCKING MORAN!!!1!1!!

  • Dashboard_Jesus

    I wouldn't pay $1.10 for that bitch's box, signed or not, unless it's the scratch n' sniff model…besides I already got me one o' them nice electrified, vibratin' vaginas, and I don't have to listen to that horrible screechin' voice while using it…

  • the_problem_child

    My pubes are legion. Who's bidding for a piece of this hairpie?

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    Bitch'll quit out of the deal, saying she never signed a proper USA-American's stuff. And that she cannot see Canada from her house…

  • keepem_sikanpor

    I'll wager a million whore diamonds for it if the box contains taco bell wrappers, a freedom tray and dry powder.

  • Failure_Artist

    So does he carry his xBox around with him all the time?

    • Barbara_i

      Well, that and a severed human head for his hero, Sarah.

    • DoktorZoom

      Who doesn't?

  • GuanoFaucet

    Why would anyone want an xbox with her signature? It'll quit halfway through the game.

    • obfuscator2

      damn you.

      • GuanoFaucet

        Great minds.

        • obfuscator2

          oh, and after the palinbox(ewwww) shuts down, your teenage daughter is pregnant and you've lost 48 i.q. points.

  • EdFlintstone

    It will sell better if he removed the picture and simply advertised Sarah Palin's box for sale.

    • CalamityJames

      No, no it wouldn't.

  • Crank_Tango

    "She said it was the most extravagant thing she had ever been asked to sign."

    I wonder what was previously the most extravagant thing she ever had to sign? A snowmachine? A chill of bud lite?

  • Cicada

    I hear it comes with Grand Theft Auto: Wasilla Edition. You get to do meth and play "just the tip" with the 16 year-old daughter of a local politician. Fun!

    • Crank_Tango

      I hear the graphics are so realistic, down to the cankles.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Any chance this could replace Angry Birds as game du jour?

    • There's even a multiplayer version…

  • obfuscator2

    the palin edition xbox boots up, makes a shrill ear-splitting noise, then quits halfway through the first level of call of duty.

    • DoktorZoom

      This differs from the average first year run of the XBox 360 how, exactly?

    • DoktorZoom

      And this differs from the average first year run of the XBox 360 how, exactly?

      • deelzebub

        They usually last at least two months. My husband is on his third one.

        • An_Outhouse

          Maybe he should consult a physician.

    • iburl

      Also includes:
      Guitar Hero: Ted Nugent
      Red Dead Reloader
      Oddworld: Munch's Alaska
      Rash Glacierkook: The Wrath of Snowbilly

    • MikeHawkstrong

      Wait until you put in "Sarah Palin's Alaskuntry", the Box Set — you'll want to shoot the mofo.

  • OneTrueLiberal

    Would this Marconi/RCA box enable more True Liberals to commit espionage like the Rosenbergs, Alger Hiss, Frank Oppeheimer and Julian Assange?

    If so, Franklin and I believe that Congress should authorize it's acquisition immediately, regardless of the price.

    If nothing else, Franklin can use it for one of his Fireside Chats about the pressing need to socialize all of what is left of the American economy, or staged readings of The Daily Worker to those of you with a demonstrated incapacity to communicate in English.

    Ole!, as our White House servants used to say, as their backs dripped water from the Hoover Dam project onto the Oval Office carpet.



    • Silversmith

      Speaking of a "demonstrated incapacity to communicate in English" could you "true liberals" just try and get that it's/its thing straight? Also the your/you're business. And, uh, lose/loose while I'm on a roll here.

      • Don't forget the wandering comma's and apostrophe's.

        • Silversmith

          I see what you did there. As Truman Capote once said, don't let me commence.

      • dyedwool

        Agreed, Silversmith. OneTrueLiberal clearly isn't clued in to the memo about all the "government grammar brainwashing" and whatnot. Or now that I read the post a little more carefully…maybe he/she is…

        • SorosBot

          Someone noted last night the "OneTrueLiberal" started appearing shortly after Neilist's "suicide", uses similar language, and started off commenting on discussions about his deleting himself.

          • wondering where i am

            What! Neilist committed suicide. Wow, I missed it. Did he use a Glock?

            This is hard: which political party do I blame?

          • DoktorZoom

            Yeah, not exactly a case for Hercule Poirot. Hell, barely even a case for Magnum: P.I.

            Sigh..OK, fine–even Barney Fife could figure this one out.

      • OneTrueLiberal

        Dear Silversmith:

        I am deeply, deeply disturbed by your fixation on "grammar conspiracies." These are a sure sign of future psychotic/violent behavior, as proven by recent events in Arizona.

        Please seek counseling from a qualified mental healthcare professional immediately, and stay away from 9 year old girls until you do.



        • Dashboard_Jesus

          'I am deeply, deeply disturbed'…yes I think we can all agree on that, now please seek HELP immediately before you have another delusional 'episode', in public

        • Silversmith

          Y'all know I'm dating Neilist, right?

          • LionelHutzEsq

            Wait. He said we were exclusive!

          • OneTrueLiberal

            That's impossible. "Neillist" was a self-absorbed, pedantic, useless"asshole" who loved only himself.

            Which makes Neilist's absence all the more puzzling — he was so like the rest of us True Liberals.

            Perhaps his Act of Self-Deletion was some utterly futile, pointless, stupid gesture? Like all of our "snarky" comments in here?

            (Or perhaps he was mocking us a final time?

            No, no. that's not possible. How could one mock those who are Morally Right?)



          • I realize I'm only visiting here to watch and observe.
            I find it amazing that while I may not have the same opinions and conclusions, I am amazed at the articulate way you express them.

            But I do remember a few commenting on their visit here that was 'less than pleasant' to all involved.

            Perhaps they simply decided it was nicer to play in their own sandbox?

          • Silversmith

            In the end we're all self-absorbed, useless assholes, right? But Neil-Babes (that's what I like to call him) would never call any of "us" morally right. I doubt he'd even call himself that.

            Commie pinko skum, we are, perhaps, but the question is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you?

          • DeLand_DeLakes

            Wow, dump the NeilBitch and go steady with me! A piece of commie pinko scum who loves Leonard Cohen…lets cry about the dearth of civil discourse together!

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      sweet holy jeebus, what you bin smokin' tonite…do cum back when you've had yer meds adjusted…also

    • not that Dewey

      Ann Coulter? Is that you?

      • OneTrueLiberal

        Dear Not-Governor Dewey:

        Franklin and I, too, have called for Ms. Coulter to join our True LIberal ranks. After all, she repeatedly has demonstrated that she is "one of us," e.g., by her utter disregard of facts and logic.

        Unfortunately, Ms. Coulter remains aloof — perhaps because she has seen some of our "male members" (if you will pardon the phrase),



        P.s. You will not get some bad news about Franklin's 1944 Presidential run.

        • not that Dewey

          Wrong Dewey.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Please, like I would believe that was from Eleanor Roosevelt without the third paragraph being dedicated to a hot, girl on girl bondage fantasy.

      • OneTrueLiberal

        Unfortunately, Not-Governor Dewey has stolen my heart.

        "Franklin Beats Dewey!" now has an entirely new meaning to me.

        Please do not tell Franklin. Or Lorena Hickcox.



        P.S. Aren't tuna fish canapes divine?

        • Tits or GTFO!

        • not that Dewey

          I thought you had retreated to that Great Chautauqua in the Sky.

        • not that Dewey

          Oh, and

          …:::not that Dewey:::…

          (Did I do that right, Neilist?)

    • fuflans

      wait! what???

    • WriteyWriterton

      This isn't Neillist. At least I hope it isn't. Neillist seemed to know one end of a sentence from the other. if this is Neillist, he's even more diabolical/artful than I thought: he can pose convincingly as an illiterate deranged wingnut.

      Here's the giveaway. I don't think Neillist would ever confuse "its" and "it's." Not even intentionally. He had too much pride of authorship.

      • glamourdammerung

        It is probably the same Breitard that spams here all day.

        Shame they clearly do not have a job or a family that cares about them.

      • problemwithcaring

        It's Neilist. He's just went off the troll deep end.

        • WriteyWriterton

          Disappointing, chiefly because it's artless. We likes our arty/poppy referential clever here.

    • An_Outhouse

      I love the Daily Worker.

  • mourningnmerica

    I called the guy that is selling this item. I told him that as soon as I sell my Rand Paul signed "Restrooms for White Patrons Only" sign, I would buy it from him. We auctioned it off at a Heritage Foundation fundraiser for Tom Delay's legal defense. It went for $2,200,000, to a Libertarian Philanthropist from Birmingham. As soon as the check clears, I'm pressing the Buy It Now button.

    • CalamityJames

      Hahahahahaha!!!11!1!! Us Birminghamians have no monies.

  • transfatz

    Sarah sanctified this sacred Xbox. It can restore virginity, change cross-hairs into surveyor's marks and lies into truth. This thing is fucking gold. You don't just give something like this away.

  • HempDogbane

    Also for sale on eBay, a "home television studio" in Wasilla, Alaska autographed by Sarah Palin.

    • HempDogbane

      … barely used, comes in original box. Teleprompter is selling separately.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    I think Murdoch's contract was the most extravagant thing she's ever signed. And ever will. Thanks to Blood Libel.

  • keepem_sikanpor

    It definitely doesn't come with COD:Black Ops.

  • SayItWithWookies

    "My name is David Morrill. I live in Alberta Ca"

    Wow, that was a tough sentence and a half. I hope his description gets better. As it is, I'm already baffled at the utter desperation that might drive a Canadian to seek out the autograph of a stupid, mean, rhetorically challenged and factually bereft half-term American governor. Is Canada now so clean that there are no sewers he can wallow in at home? Would they like to borrow Jack Abramoff or Karl Rove or Steve King? Please?

    • Calgary=Haliburton

      • Oblios_Cap

        Alberta's so nice that Neil Young couldn't wait to move to the US.

  • At which college did Sarah experiment with an Palin's ex-box?

  • Jukesgrrl

    He lives "near" Edmonton? Maybe she's just the best-looking cow he's ever seen.

  • fuflans

    $15 for shipping?

    • not that Dewey

      "Starting bid: US $1,100,000.00
      Your max bid: (enter US $1,100,000.00 or more)"

      Auction fail.

  • This is it–the history books will record the day that Sarah Palin's autograph on an X-Box couldn't fetch 1.1 million–her peak, her high water mark, the furthest extent of her influence. Public right wing craziness is tough to maintain year after year and most eventually are worn down by the pressure.

    And even if David Morrill of Alberta, Canada gets his money it won't be long until the next Sarah artifact surfaces for 1.2 million…

    Sorry, honey. No one said it would be easy. Don't let the door hit your fat ass, etc. etc.

  • Radiotherapy

    For a few dollars (Canadian) more, he'll let you tongue punch that xbox. All 360°.

  • He had to hurry to the picnic before she quit.

  • You can get it cheaper at Game Stop.

    • keepem_sikanpor

      Used but still with screeches.

    • DoktorZoom

      Does it have Battletoads?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Sarah herself once touched this Pandora's box with the stroke of a pen and now can’t get the blood back in.

  • 102415

    He would have been smarter to have her sign a glock 19. That would be fetching a pretty price right now.

  • keepem_sikanpor

    If it's signed by Palin, does the ring of death become more significant?

  • LionelHutzEsq

    God damn it. Do you remember before Bush when there would at least be one good "Canadian Money is Worthless" joke to be had here?

    • EdFlintstone

      Well I so enjoy getting 3lbs of change when I break a 10 up there.

    • fuflans


  • LionelHutzEsq

    Slightly off-topic: How long before Sarah Palin blames the evil Teleprompter for inserting the "blood libel" line in her speech?

    Or is it just an old surveying term?

    • WriteyWriterton

      I'm reposting my attempt to star a "Bud libel" meme. She was complaining about the lefty hipsters who dis the King o' Beers.

  • SorosBot

    Oh, Riley, be careful with your alt text; Mario Kart is by Nintendo, and has never been available on an XBox (Microsoft).

    …yes, I am kind of a nerd.

    • DoktorZoom

      (Raises hand guiltily) I noticed that, too.

  • I have a genuine Palin pubic hair for sale for $952,653.97 or a really good pastrami sandwich. I really love good pastrami.

    Nice blingee Mr Waggaman. I'd say it is approaching fine art but then I like black velvet Elvis paintings.

    • StillGoinGreen

      One of my favorite Bourdain episodes was Portland, when he visited the Velveteria museum – I could spend days in that place!

  • ShaveTheWhales

    Whatever it is that David does in Alberta Canada (and isn't that like saying "Cleveland, USA"?), I hope it's not marketing related.

    I mean, what is he (maybe) trying to sell here? An XBox360, which if the power supply hasn't blown up yet is worth maybe $100; and an admittedly large TundraTwat signature.

    There is, still, a market for the snowbillysig. But, let's say I just had to have one. Even if I didn't want to wait for another book tour or "lecture series", I'm 100% certain that I could send a representative after her with a $1000 good-faith donation to get face to face, and then, say, a $10,000 donation in exchange for her scrawl on a 50-cm square piece of sheet metal. Add 10 grand for the representative's expenses and compensation, and framing costs, and I'm at $21,100 (if, for some reason, I want a used XBox).

    [Of course, the above is sort of hypothetical — I'm currently drinking a Natural Ice because it's cheap].

    Hmm, now that I think about it, this appears to be more of that there performance art, don't it. I preferred Karen Finley.

    • StillGoinGreen

      I'd pay a fucklot more for the Natty Ice than I would for Snowcunt's scribble! BTW – Natty Ice is MUCH better than Bud Ice ever dreamed of being!

    • WriteyWriterton

      Actually, "Alberta Canada" is more like saying "Illinois USA."

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Ah. You have me there. Ooops.

  • Troubledog

    Box of horrors? You literally and specifically insulted Sarah Palin's vagina! Where's your motherfucking CIVILITY, sir?

    If civility becomes the law, who will stop Wesley Snipes when he gets out of the joint? Stallone is too old to freeze.

    • Civility is beside the point here. Sarah Palin's vagina is covered with cross-hairs.

  • Extemporanus

    "For sale: Palin's cooze, very worn."

  • Radiotherapy

    He'll even throw in a free copy of Nailin Palin.

  • LesBontemps

    "Sarah Palin touched my box and now no one wants it."

  • 102415

    I'm looking at her handwriting and I'm thinking brainless formless narcissistic sexually depraved monster. You're welcome!

  • el_donaldo

    The anti-Semitist crowd is starting to chime in about blood libel now:

    Nazis, snowbillies, and video game consoles. I hope Thomas Pynchon is taking notes.

    • chascates

      Great! Pat Buchanan, who thinks the Nazis got a raw deal in history, being interviewed by Andrea Mitchell, who has sex with Alan Greenspan.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        I could have gone all night without that image. And Pat jumps on the "oh, it doesn't just mean THAT any more bandwagon". For several hundred years "blood libel" has had one, very specific meaning; but now, after a few people have misused it, it just means "they said bad things about meeeeee".

        And Alan freaking Dershowitz is defending Palin's use of the term. Just coincidentally, he used it to describe the Goldstone Report. Even more-or-less liberal lawyers won't miss a chance to CYA.

        • Plus Alan posted his statement about it on BigGovernment. I think it's safe to say he's gone well off the deep end.

        • SorosBot

          Dershowitz has not been more-or-less liberal for a least a decade; he's a full-fledged neocon, always arguing will should blow up all the world's Muslims.

          • An_Outhouse

            torture them all slowly

            then blow them up.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I'm an anti-semiotist. I find the use of Loughner's crime as a synecdoche for American polity to be risible.

  • When I said I wanted to hate-fuck her box, this wasn't what I meant…

  • Troubledog

    Also, totally, if he ever did sell it for a million, that bitch would be on him for a cut like a Muslim on a prayer rug. Then if he didn't pay, the death threats would begin. "What can I do?", Sarah would shrug. "I don't control them."

    But suddenly, everywhere, people with bad haircuts, always watching. And in his airship, safe in the distance, Krauthammer waits for the signal.

  • chascates

    There's goes that good felling I had about Canadians being good, stable individuals.

  • CapnFatback

    Just ask this weird guy from Cananda

    We threw in the extra "n" for "nutball"!

  • WriteyWriterton

    Bud libel, Bud libel,Bud libel,Bud libel,Bud libel,Bud libel,Bud libel,Bud libel,Bud libel.

    Can I get a little love here? It's late, I'm not drunk, and I have to work tomorrow, so what the h*&l am I doing?

  • Heard a good one tonight: What's the difference between a game of golf and Sarah Palin riding bareback through Wasilla?

    Golf is a hunt on a course.

  • He's probably having trouble selling it cause it's only got half a signature.

  • comrad_darkness

    Why did she autograph that?

  • lulzmonger

    Stupid git ruined its pawn value by having Alaska's two-bit version of Imelda Marcos deface it.

    Alberta is Canada's Texas – rednecks galore, people with way more money than brains, & despite the oil-boom economy, nobody in their right mind will move there because it's such an utter fucking sinkhole of the human spirit.

    PSST! Hey, America, want another state? We'll take an old X-Box for it.

  • Terry

    "It was one of the greatest thrills of my life to have watched Sarah Palin on CNN, SNL, Youtube, and then to see her right in front of me."

    Alberta must be a sad lonely place, or maybe it's just him.

  • Pragmatist2

    Sarah who????
    Doesn't ring a bell.
    Perhaps she was yesterday's news.

  • neiltheblaze

    No buyers? Where are the Koch brothers when you need them?

  • Redhead

    So no one wants something autographed by Palin? Maybe there's hope yet.

    (I know it's probably just that no one can afford to pay $1million for something they already have which this guy got by pushing kids out of the way hoping he could be on her reality TV!!! series, but let me have my moment of hope a little longer, at least till my coffee's gone)

  • baconzgood

    $15 shipping???? C'mon man your charging 1.1 Mil for a video game console signed buy a moran you can bite the shipping dude.

    Oh….Blood libel….

  • tabouley

    I believe this guy has some issues, which could be explained right here:

  • Plowmon

    At least Sarah Palin’s Child Labor Snack Shack is a free-market enterprise that provides mental health benefits as part of overall compensation so no one need resort to Glocks to obtain evaluation and treatment… Let's be civil and always look for that silver-lining! ;~)

  • jus_wonderin

    I not sure anyone would pay if she signed her Y box.

  • natoslug

    You all realize that this is $1.1 million Canadian, right? That's comes out to 87 cents American if you don't want to take the time to raid your kids' Monopoly sets for the cash.

    • Actually today rate is .9928 – they are just about par. The loonnie has been worth more several times lately…more bad news for the USA.

      • natoslug

        QUIT BRINGING REALITY INTO MY WORLD!!1!!ONE! I refuse to accept that the exchange rate has changed in the past 20 years! Do you realize how disheartening it was the last time I was up in Vancouver, B.C., ~2 years ago, and those damned snowbacks wouldn't even accept my US American dollars at some restaurants ? All snooty and elitist, with their sovereign currency and all. Bastards, the lot of 'em.

  • deelzebub

    I'm going for full video game nerd here…..Sauron can't play Mario Kart on an XBOX360 because Mario is an exclusive Nintendo intellectual property. I really need to get out of the house more often.

  • ttommyunger

    In keeping with her inflated ego, Sarah provides a signature even larger than John Fucking Hancock, fer Crissakes!

  • hagajim

    Only box signed by Sarah that I might want would be the one of the chick who played her in Nailin' Palin….and I wouldn't pay for it.

  • Wilcoxyz

    That's not her autograph, it's her password.

    So buying it and using it will get you a year in jail for violating her privacy. Of her box. Also.

  • GOPCrusher

    Julian Assange’s mangy pube patch=great band name

  • Rowdy5000

    I want to advocate that this is just that sweet, quiet and shy Canadian humour, but I don't know about that autobiography. Too much deadpan.

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