rumors on the internets

Finally, Ted Nugent Weighs In On the Giffords Shooting

  • Someone finally thought to replace communion wafers with Doritos, for advertising. The pope finds it very declassé, but surely some bumpkin snake-dancing sect of bimbos will adopt this nu-communion. [Zagat]
  • Ted Nugent op-ed: Don’t try to understand evil with “psychology” — just be ready to eff it in the aye! [Washington Times]
  • Once again, the gotcha media are using their word-Glocks to engage in the TARGETED POLITICAL ASSASSINATION of Sarah Palin’s newest YouTube. [AtlasShrugs]
  • The left has finally jumped the shark! In keeping with tradition, the Democrats will linger on for three more seasons, introduce a new baby character (Bizarro Trig?), and Barack Obama will try to convince himself he didn’t kill a baby while getting airlifted out of Korea. [Big Government]
  • Sarah Palin’s Alaska has the best ending ever. Way better than M*A*S*H, for sure. [Big Hollywood]

About the author

Benjamin Frisch is a comic book artist, and sometimes journalist currently habituating somewhere on the elitist liberal east coast of the United States. His published works include a short lived, but beloved cross-dressing comic strip entitled Maurice Antoinette and some other stuff not worth mentioning. As a journalist, Benjamin somehow contributed to National Public Radio, with his story At the Concert Hall, a Symphony for Space Invaders. Benjamin is currently delaying adulthood as a graduate student, and plans to remain one forever. He can be twittered at Twitter.com/BenjaminFrisch

View all articles by Benjamin Frisch
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

128 comments

    1. Lost_Teabaggers

      You know I'd call Pam Gellar an ignorant racist but that would in wingnut America, high praise indeed.

  1. Steverino247

    Resume of reviewer of Sarah Palin's Alaska leaves me wanting more information about why I should give two shits what she thinks.

    1. Radiotherapy

      It leaves me wanting her to place more gunsight crosshairs on maps. Specifically, over Wasilla.

    2. elviouslyqueer

      Why bother with what she thinks, when all that qualifies anyone to review SPA is the ability to fling your own poo.

  2. natoslug

    Now that we've heard from Ted Nugent, it's time to bring in the experts. Next up, the question "Why was Jared not allowed into the service?" will be answered by our psyops expert, the esteemed Colonel Sanders (ret).

    1. JustPixelz

      isn't that neilist feller waaaay smart than Ted Nugent? Of course Ted Nugent said Barack Obama should suck on his machine gun barrel*. That's not violent rhetoric. I'm sure that's just Teddy's way of saying "get the lead out Barry".
      _________________________
      * really! google it

  3. genxr

    "In Sarah Palin’s Alaska, Palin is shown as a tough woman who can hunt for her food, rear five kids, and create new words."

    Sounds like President maternial to me!

    (that's going to the top of my CV, under Skillset: Ability to create new words)

    1. Crank_Tango

      funny how the ability to create new words is so similar to the inability to use existing ones.

  4. SexySmurf

    The left has finally jumped the shark!

    Are the Democrats going to run a Ted McGinley/cousin Oliver ticket in 2012?

    1. SorosBot

      Their cabinet could include Dawn Summers, Olivia, the Sixth Doctor with Mel, Connor, Chatchi, and Steve Urkel.

  5. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Yes, Sarah Palin’s Alaska has to be better than M.A.S.H. as that show was made by damn hippies, but is it better than Battle Star Galactica. Because BSG shows how the human race really started on Earth and how we lived until the the Mormon sheets of gold were found and translated by Mr. Smith and his hat. Now that was an ending!

  6. YasserArraFeck

    Those rootin' tootin' Palins – I just can't get enough Mom'n'Pop Grizz, Grampy Chuck an' those sassy kids with the odd names – Bristol, Trig, Glock, Clip, Trap, 30-Round….

    1. Radiotherapy

      Three years ago we could have played a game. Which one of these names is NOT a Wasillabilly name: Pillow, Wiper, Trip, Crack, Clap, Twad.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Three years ago, no one knew who Sarah Palin was. It was a simpler time in America.
        * sobs silently *

  7. Sophist FCD

    Today Sarah Palin responded to the vicious blood libel leveled against her by the army of destroyers. The ferocious, relentless attacks on Sarah Palin are a testament to her greatness, proof of how deathly afraid of her they are, like Dracula to the silver cross.

    Pammycakes is in fine form today. Anyone who can call opposition to Palin "A Conspiracy Against the Mind" is clearly a few glocks short of tea party.

    1. fuflans

      GOD!!! it's NOT a silver cross. it's a wooden stake (ash, hawthorn or oak), an iron or steel needle, holy water, decapitation or a lemon in the mouth.

      stupid bitch.

    2. SorosBot

      Once again, wingnuts, disdain is not fear; many of us want Palin to be the nominee because that would guarantee Obama's reelection.

    1. JustPixelz

      I'll bet instead of the plain wafer becoming the body of Christ, he ironically wishes he could become a zesty dorito instead!

  8. Come here a minute

    Don't tell me — I teevoed it! But I hope Colonel Blake didn't get shot down over the Sea of Japan in this one. (There were no survivors.)

    1. gef05

      All I can say is when Sarah and Barry get trapped in the shack with all the bombs falling around them it gets *intense*.

  9. MinAgain

    If they replaced the Host with Doritos at my church, they'd have to drag me kicking and screaming from the chancel rail, 'cause I love those damn things. And think of all the fun the faithful would have looking for Jesus' face in the chips.

    1. harry_palmer

      On the plus side, the salt and grease would make it go down easier when you got one of Jesus's toenails. But his dingleberries still get caught in your teeth.

  10. Monsieur_Grumpe

    From the Nugent…
    “I'm not interested in understanding why these deranged, rabid monsters commit carnage. Trying to make sense from complete nonsense is a waste of time.”

    His commitment to remaining ignorant is almost admirable … almost.

    1. randcoolcatdaddy

      "Got a problem? Don't think about it – just shoot it!"

      Perhaps the 2012 Reburplican Party slogan…

    2. genxr

      "Trying to make sense from complete nonsense is a waste of time.”

      That sums up how I feel about anything the Nuge has to say.

    3. SorosBot

      Trying to understand why people commit carnage, which can help prevent future troubled individuals from going off the deep end and doing the same, is a waste of time to the idiot. They don't really care about preventing crime, just punishing it.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        That's where all the fun and money is. If you prevent a crime, well, you've got no proof that there really would be a crime, and it's like you never did anything at all.

    4. lulzmonger

      The first five words are all I need to hear to know exactly what value to place on anything originating from The Nuge's piehole. Not worth the steam off my piss.

    5. Negropolis

      “I'm not interested in understanding why these deranged, rabid monsters commit carnage. Trying to make sense from complete nonsense is a waste of time.”

      Folks, this is coming from the dude called the Motor City MADMAN. This guy talks from experience. He knows what a "deranged, rabid monster" who is committed to carnage is.

  11. Gorillionaire

    "In Sarah Palin’s Alaska, Palin is shown as a tough woman who can hunt for her food, rear five kids, and create new words."

    The few minutes I saw showed her wearing a shit load of make-up and a tacky gym suit while she uncomfortably held a gun and fired into the off camera distance at something.
    Then I am sure that she had a production company catered meal for herself and the lazy redneck sexing family she broods.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I still remember the story of shortly after the 2008 election, the Palin Brood was invited to check out the Oscar Awards operation, and when they were shown the room where the swag bags were contained, the Brood hit it like a plague of locusts, grabbing anything that wasn't nailed down and walking out with it.

  12. coolhandpuke

    If Ted Nugent would shoot Kirk Cameron for trespassing on his Buffalo Ranch, then i will buy one of his 8-tracks.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      So when you come here and drop a bunch of comments about how you hope someone gets shot and some other folks jump off bridges, is that to point to these same comments later and say how liberals endorse violent imagery against people they disagree with just like they accuse the teabaggers of doing? Because that shit is transparent, just so you know.

  13. JoshuaNorton

    Did the Alaska finale include any advanced techniques on "Clubbing the Halibut"? Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.

  14. harry_palmer

    "The ferocious, relentless attacks on Sarah Palin are a testament to her greatness, proof of how deathly afraid of her they are, like Dracula to the silver cross."

    That's why she wipes web pages clean when theyre attacked. To have mercy on her critics.

    1. Pithaughn

      I fear her in the sense that if she thought she could get away with it she would hunt me from a helicopter. Do I fear her as a potential adversary in the arena of ideas? Only as much as I fear the post in the ground outside my office that identifies where the road ends and the ditch begins. That's how we do it here in REAL MERIKA, no fancy reflecting signs from a nanny govt, just a simple post.

  15. Thedongsofwar

    Isn't Ted the guy who said in Oroville California August 22, 2007 at one of his clap-alongs in some casino the following:

    "I was in Chicago last week and I said hey Obama you might wanna suck on one of these ya punk. (holding up pair of semiautomatic rifles). Obama he's a piece of shit and I told him suck on my machine gun, let's hear it for him! I was in NY and I said hey Hillary Clinton you might wanna ride one these into the sunset you worthless bitch! How about Barbara Boxer she might like to suck on my machine gun! Hey Dianne Feinstein why don't you suck on these you worthless whore! Any questions? …. Freeeeeedom!"

    Who am I kidding? Of course he is!

    FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM

    1. JustPixelz

      Fortunately that kind of rhetoric isn't meant to evoke violent images. I'm sure he really just wants everyone to know how tasty his recipe for machine gun fondue is.

    2. LetUsBray

      But did he say those things with a week's worth of dump in his pants, like he did when he faced the draft board to avoid getting sent to Vietnam?

  16. facehead

    Replacing communion wafers with Doritos would surely attract more people to the church. But what could they replace the pedophiles with? Maybe more Doritos?

  17. BarackMyWorld

    In regards to shark jumping, if the last decade of Republican policies didn't kill right-wing politics, then 5 days of finger pointing isn't going to end the left.

    1. Go Bears

      Four years of Dem control of Congress led to the election results in Nov. 2010.

      Look what happened to the U6 Unemployment Rate shortly after 1/2007 when the Dems took control of houses of Congress (and hence of the budget and deficit).

      http://portalseven.com/employment/unemployment_ra

      Oh, and here's a chart showing average gas prices since Dear Leader was inaugurated 1/20/2009:

      http://www.gasbuddy.com/gb_retail_price_chart.asp

      But remember:

      "Democrats have a commonsense plan to help bring down skyrocketing gas prices…"
      -Nanzi Pelosi, April 24, 2006.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        Three points:

        (1) Your post hoc reasoning fails to consider the specific policies that led to specific effects within the economy. For example, the effects of deregulations on banking, the correlation between lower taxes and deficit spending in the Bush years and economic growth, etc. In short, the executive branch makes most of the policy decisions regarding economic policy through the appointment of the FED chair, the Treasury secretary, and various regulatory agencies. You also fails to consider the delayed reaction that the economy has to shifts in policy. For example, how Pres. Reagan blamed Pres. Carter for bad economic times from 1981-1983.

        2) I'll admit, Clinton's economic policies were only good in the short term, but didn't do much good in the long run. Bush didn't exactly clean up after him, though. He just basically took every economic mistake Clinton made and poured gasoline on it.

        3) You realize this is a humor blog, don't you? If you'd read the articles instead of just trolling and you'll see how seriously we take reasoned political discourse based on issues and even-headed analysis. In short: go bother Daily Kos or something if you want a serious discussion. We'd rather talk about trucknutz and robots.

      2. imissopus

        Oooo, that gas chart is neat! You should try setting the time period drop-down at 6 years. The upward trend from Jan. 2005 to the giant peak in summer 2008 is so cool-looking. Then there is that giant drop in prices right around October – November 2008 when Obama pretty much had the election sewn up. Of course they have gone back up since then (which is good for the oil producers, great capitalists that they are) but it's still nowhere near the high point of the Bush years. Plus the swings are nowhere near as sudden and sharp, so the increases aren't as much of a shock to the consumer's wallet and thus the overall economy.

        You tards are fun! Thanks for playing!

  18. SorosBot

    It's a very sacred principle that when you perform ritual cannibalism on a snack that's been magically turned into human flesh, that snack has to be a cracker, nothing else.

    Oh, and I've seen that ad and it is fairly funny. So what if it's blasphemy; that's a victimless crime.

      1. SorosBot

        There will be no stoning until I give the order, even if – and I want to make this perfectly clear – even if somebody does say Jehovah.

        Also, I doubt anyone else is a fan or cares, but I love that the original ad features a cameo from the Angry Nintendo Nerd.

    1. Rotundo_

      Ted was just exercising his first amendment rights there, he's a great patriot y'know, just like Rush and all those conservative tough guys that fought the Vietnam war at home, sitting on their pilonoidal cysts and shit/piss encrusted leopard print spandex tight wearing bottoms.

  19. Barbara_i

    Sarah Palin's Alaska was way better than M*A*S*H* She was Hookworm Pierce and Bristol was B.J. (Everyone) Hunnicutt and Let's just hope that Palin soon deep throats Winchester. (for realz) Okay, I don't REALLY want her dead, just unable to speak.

  20. Beowoof

    The comments on Sarah, the article itself praising the show's great ratings stood out as being fact denying, and I understand that they have to do this to promote the DVD sales to the Palin delusionals. But the comments below the article continue to frighten me with the people who know nothing and insist that knowing nothing is the way to go.

  21. slithytoves

    Doritos are red and pointy – very devilish – haven't you ever stabbed yourself with a Dorito? Plus, choking hazard. If they had gone with bite-sized Tostitos, there really would have been no problem.

  22. weejee

    OT sorta.

    Some trust fund baby from Palm Springs, CA, has been arrested by the FBI for making death threats against C'Addle's beloved Congressman Jim McDermott. Why would some silverspooned douche from Palms Springs care about a rep from the Soviet of Warshington? Oh, lifetime ADA rating of 95+. Well maybe.

    This is less than a year since old Charlie Wilson got arrested & convicted for threatening our Senator Patty Murray, another D-Rat. Is there a trend her germane to Gabby getting shot? Well as Rachel Maddow noted yesterday there weren't no ReThug offices getting bricked or shot-up over Obamacare.

  23. Barbara_i

    Someone finally thought to replace communion wafers with Doritos, for advertising.
    I prefer Christ Chex, with 2% milk.

  24. LionelHutzEsq

    Ted Nugent op-ed: Don’t try and understand evil with “psychology,” just be ready to fuck it in the ass!

    And that is different than the normal Washington Times op/ed how?

  25. LionelHutzEsq

    Sarah Palin’s Alaska has the best ending ever. Way better than M*A*S*H, for sure.

    I loved the last scene where she woke up in bed with John McCain instead of the First Dude.

  26. JustPixelz

    Shark jumping? There ya go with the violent talk Benjamin. Now if some Demoncrat or Repubican gets eaten by a shark, IT'S ON YOUR HEAD!!!

  27. wegot2dobetter

    Dorito's would be great but only if they allowed us to watch the game during service, too. also.

  28. Radiotherapy

    What the show really did for me personally, and that I can only imagine it did for others like me, is to encourage me to spend more time with my kids doing the kinds of things the Palins did over the summer in the show.

    Those rootin' tootin' shoot 'em up flying in planes and helicopters, $50,000 reindeer massacre, fence building, blah blah blah family fun times. USA USA USA.

  29. mereoblivion

    Multitudes of Sarahs
    Crowd our Vimeo
    Plaintive pleas by Sarahs,
    New YouTubes of Sarahs
    Who cares how low they’ll go?

    Wonder what it means, ho-ho
    I wonder what it means.
    I see them blinking in the lights,
    Running from the press,
    Shilling in the stores
    And pressing flesh
    And hiding out
    Behind the victim card.

    Multitudes of Sarahs
    Everywhere we look,
    Effigies of Sarah
    Statuettes of Sarah
    Filling every nook.

    Wonder if it means
    We’ve gone to pieces?
    Ev’ry other word we snark
    Is something she says.

    Brains reel
    With images of Sarah,
    Vitriol of Sarah
    Fills the headlines.
    Demons
    All glare at me
    With Sarah’s eyes.

  30. DonnyKerabotsos

    "Trying to make sense from complete nonsense is a waste of time." –Ted Nugent

    Finally! Common ground!!

  31. ttommyunger

    Ted dashed that piece off in a hurry. He and that bloodthirsty preacher from Arkansas are racing to Arizona to see who can score Jared's autograph first. My money is on the skinny one with the tiny penis.

  32. GOPCrusher

    I'm disappointed that Ted didn't take the time to point out that if there would have been some bystanders that were carrying weapons, the whole situation could have been avoided or stopped.

  33. BadassKitty

    Has anyone given a flying fuck what Ted Nugent thinks since 1977? Anyone other than 13 year old fledgling skin heads?

    1. GOPCrusher

      Makes me sad to think that I paid four times to see him in concert. But that was between 1976 and 1977, so I was doing some quality drugs back then.

  34. SecretMuslin

    "In Sunday night’s episode we were introduced to the musk ox, which Chuck Heath explained are prehistoric animals that survived when many others didn’t. " BLASPHEMER!! There is no such thing as pre-history!

  35. Steverino247

    Shorter Ted Nugent: There is evil in the world that makes bad things happen and we should do nothing to figure out why.

    Example:

    Fire: Fire sometimes happens and we should not try to understand it.

  36. bflrtsplk

    Cain killed Abel and now they're letting him run for President? They didn't have the death penalty back then?

  37. Tundra Grifter

    When I am trying to unravel a difficult political or other human situation, the first thing I always ask myself is "What would Ted Nugent think about this?"

    WWTND?

  38. donner_froh

    Son of a bitch! I was aware of Pamela Geller as a right wing jerk who was outrageous enough to be quoted as a bad example by people smarter than she (just about everyone) but had never actually read her work.

    Now I have. The very thought of those who would read her regularly makes my skin crawl. It is one thing to passively listen to Rush or Beck or whatever fucktard, a different matter entirely to take the time and energy to read something. Anyone who could get through one of her columns, assuming the one linked is typical, must be a dead soul with no moral compass, lacking the ability to tell right from wrong and the truth from obvious lies.

  39. slowhansolo

    Ted, here's a tip: volume /= tone, and for fuck's sake there's more to life than minor pentatonic.

    What the hell, why bother? He's better at … whatever it is he does now than he ever was at writing songs and playing guitar.

  40. Negropolis

    Here's all of what you should know about Ted Nugent circa this century:

    Closer to home, Nugent has been extremely critical of two-term Democratic Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, frequently interjecting "Jennifer Granholm, kiss my ass" into concert songs, and shooting an arrow at her likeness. In a 2006 interview, when Nugent briefly considered a run for Governor, he stated that Granholm "is not doing an ugly job, but as the perfect woman, she is scrotumless."

    I'm so glad this has-been fucker moved to Texas. We had too many rules here up in Michigan for his redneck teabagger ass.

Comments are closed.