It’s a good thing America “calmed down” after the weekend massacres! Now we can get back to worrying about snow, dead animals everywhere, exploding BMWs around the Pentagon/CIA, flooding in Australia, and more massacres. The Terror Threat Alert Level is “super dooper high” and our guest presenter “The Snooki” was going to illustrate this with syphilis but instead we drew survey marks on her head and sent her to get a GED. Who wins? America wins! Also the Wonkbot has finally thrown out your teevee with all its vulgar garbage inside.