BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT DR. PHIL SAID  11:47 am January 11, 2011

Doctor Says Giffords Has ’100 Percent’ Chance of Survival (Suck It, NPR)

by Jack Stuef

“Well, I would say — you know, as a physician I am going to get in a lot of trouble for this — but her prognosis for survival is 100 percent, as far as it being short term,” Dr. Peter Rhee told Britain’s Channel 4 News. “I mean, hopefully she’ll live to be 95 years old. What her recovery is going to do, I really don’t know. I am very optimistic that she’s not going to be in a vegetative type of state, I think she’s going to make a fair amount of recovery. And what kind of deficits that she’ll have in the future, I really can’t say at this point, but I am still very optimistic.”

SPILL IT, DOCTOR. Yes, suck it, NPR, and suck it, would-be assassin, for thinking this lady could go down from a bullet GOING THROUGH HER BRAIN. She’s rubber and you’re glue, guy, and thus the death penalty is hurtling towards your way. ARIZONA JUSTICE! PEW PEW PEW! [TPM]

 
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{ 110 comments }

SudsMcKenzie January 11, 2011 at 11:50 am

This is good news for John McCain

… too soon?

Moonbatting Average January 11, 2011 at 11:53 am

…Until May 21st of this year, anyway

freakishlywrong January 11, 2011 at 11:58 am

I hope those deficits she will have in the future don't bankrupt our Grandchildren.

BaldarTFlagass January 11, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Why is this guy giving this scoop to some news channel from Knifecrime Island and not to our upstanding American news media?

johnnymeatworth January 11, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Because the Verizon iPhone was announced today, so America doesn't have to care about this anymore.

x111e7thst January 11, 2011 at 12:06 pm

A Megan Fox Transformers ad seems to be alternating with the FIT dude. I find myself unable to think even about IPhones.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Maybe he wanted to talk to an actual journalist; there aren't any over here.

Buzz Feedback January 11, 2011 at 12:06 pm

The right will really want to defund NPR now.

JustPixelz January 11, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Isn't the real headline that another(!) Jew died and came back to life?

finallyhappy January 11, 2011 at 12:15 pm

That is the way we Jews roll(is "the way we roll" still used among the youngz?)

Sophist FCD January 11, 2011 at 12:56 pm

No, now we use "gleaming the cube".

natoslug January 11, 2011 at 2:33 pm

I stick with the classic "stroking the shaft."

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm

You mean like Magneto, right?

Serolf_Divad January 11, 2011 at 12:06 pm

First they fire Juan Williams and now this? How long can NPR stay in business?

hagajim January 11, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Doesn't NPR stand for Not Probably Right?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 11, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Yeah, but was does Dr. Frist (vegetable expert) think?

LionelHutzEsq January 11, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Jack, Jack, Jack….. You forgot to figure in the Death Panels!

LionelHutzEsq January 11, 2011 at 12:12 pm

And am I the only one who is upset to hear that she will not be in a vegetative state? I mean, the only way this could get any better is to have a replay of the Terri Schiavo case.

OkieDokieDog January 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Jack, Diane Remes wants to talk to you.

petehammer January 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Well, rasp at you.

ttommyunger January 11, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Fuck this Doctor, and fuck Dr. "TV Monitor" Frist. I want to hear what Rich Sanchez's kid has to say about it.

edgydrifter January 11, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Even in a vegetative state, she would be a better representative than anyone Jan Brewer might appoint to replace her.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Good thing she's not a senator.

edgydrifter January 11, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Brewer doesn't know that.

edgydrifter January 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Allowing facts to interfere with my arguments would be unamerican.

harry_palmer January 11, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Jewish politician survives seeming certain death? Obama's got serious competition for antichrist..

GOPCrusher January 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

But a wonderful ad campaign for Aborted Xtian Fetuses, The Breakfast of Champions!

CapeClod January 11, 2011 at 12:28 pm

All of us have a 100% chance of survival for the short term. Unless your profession is "Grenade Juggler."

Barbara_i January 11, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Huzzah! Now Sarah Palin can go back to her freedom of hate speech.

Spanky2a January 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Hey, I gots a idea – how about we exploit this tragedy for political purposes

and to make ourselves feel not so impotent after our November election losses to the Repugs.

Oh, sorry, I see that's already being done here.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Hey, I have an idea; why don't you try and learn proper English grammer

and that you don't put a paragraph break in the middle of a sentence.

Oh wait, you're a moron and will never learn.

Spanky2a January 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

You're cute.

Lefty_Lucy January 11, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Poopyhead.

LoveShaq January 11, 2011 at 1:37 pm

How macher.

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Careful! Sorosbot hates it when people use unauthorized vocabularly!

. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/poopyhe

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 2:46 pm

sunt

Guppy06 January 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Political assassinations should never be political!

UrkelBama January 12, 2011 at 8:13 am

ID's not working well. This response to SorosBot, above. "Brietbart idiots" should be Breitbart, Idiot.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm

how about we exploit this tragedy for political purposes….Oh, sorry, I see that's already being done here.

Don't you feel weird at all, or even a little hypocritical, typing that after you just spent the whole weekend trying to prove this nut was a leftist?

Seriously? Even a little?

DoktorZoom January 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Cognitive dissonance is easily avoided by those with no cognition to start with.

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Elitism and arrogance freely betray the libunatic mindset.

Trinket January 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Poopyhead!

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I'll ask again….Don't you feel even the slightest bit hypocritical accusing others of exploiting "this tragedy for political purposes" (your exact words) after you just spent the whole weekend trying to prove this nut was a leftist?

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Possibly for BarackMyWorld it might take an entire weekend to make a couple of posts, but I suspect for most of the superior intellects here on Wonkette, they'd only have to invest a few minutes at most.

Trinket January 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Poopyhead! U r dumb.

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Careful! That poster named SoreassButt doesn't like incomplete or cryptic sentences.

DoktorZoom January 11, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Also, poopyhead.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 3:08 pm

So rather than addressing the actual point, you're going to argue with the accuracy of the term "spent the whole weekend."

Fine, concede you were not LITERALLY posting messages for the entire 48 hour period known as the "weekend".

I'll rephrase:
Don't you feel even the slightest bit hypocritical accusing others of exploiting "this tragedy for political purposes" (your exact words) after you just made multiple posts over the course of the last 3 days arguing that the shooter was a leftist?

(Notice I also removed the word "nut" because I don't want you thinking I'm literally saying the shooter was an indehiscent, hard-shelled, one-loculated, one-seeded, edible object.)

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 3:12 pm

I shared what one of the left-wing pot-smoker's friends said about him.

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 3:14 pm

I usually think of the weekend as lasting from early Friday evening until early Monday morning. Your 48 hour weekend, does it run midnight to midnight or what? Thanks for enlightening me!

I guess in keeping with Wonkette protocol, I should call you a poopyhead.

——————————–

Dem Congressman who called for GOP Gov. to be put against a wall and shot now pleads for civility

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Poopyhead.

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 2:25 pm

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/poopyhe

Use of unauthorized vocabulary!

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Liberal

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 5:14 pm

Liberal.

Limeylizzie January 11, 2011 at 1:39 pm

How about you take a look at the rapidly rising numbers for Obama and the Democratic Party and the swiftly falling ones for Sarah Palin ? Of course that would be after you have read a grammer primer.

horsedreamer_1 January 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

T

teebob2000 January 11, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Dick

StopObamunismNow January 11, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Poopydick.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Shit-for-brains bigot.

GOPCrusher January 11, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Sounds like someone needs to eat a Snickers bar.

GodShammgod January 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Giffords makes 50 Cent look like a kid whining about a papercut.

Guppy06 January 11, 2011 at 1:22 pm

So Jesse Kelly lost with both ballots and bullets? I think the Tea Party is fresh out of strategies.

Progressiveinga January 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Pitchforks and torches?

GOPCrusher January 11, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Second Amendment Remedies. With votes!

DoktorZoom January 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Errr…I hate to be a DoktorDowner* here, but not all neurosurgeons agree that Giffords is out of the woods. NPR (yeah, I know) talks to several neurosurgeons in this story, and while it's looking very positive, she's still at the stage where complications are quite possible.

*Dammit, Jim, I'm a PhD, not a Medical Doctor!

Darwin knows I'm hopeful, and actually quite optimistic, but 24 years ago, when my first wife was hit by a van, I learned far more about brain injuries than I ever wanted to. Coincidentally, she was treated at Tucson's University Medical Center, at the same ICU where Giffords is, though I doubt that many of the same staff are still there. In any case, they're damn good docs.

On the good side for Giffords: a GSW is very different from the kind of trauma caused by being hit by a car (injury is localized, not subject to the generalized damage that happens when a brain goes violently ricocheting around inside the skull–my ex was comatose for a month, and far more seriously hurt than Giffords). But any injury to the brain can leave a person anywhere from almost normal to virtually unable to care for themselves, and it takes a long time to find out the ultimate outcome. The other really good sign for Giffords is the degree to which she's responding to verbal commands to hold up two fingers or wiggle her toes–that's something we didn't see for literally weeks.

One thing that I keep remembering the neurosurgeon saying, on the day of the accident: "At this stage, only bad things happen quickly."

EDIT: Also, wear your goddamn seatbelts, bike/motorcycle helmets, and buckle up yer kids. (Yeah, I know we librul Nanny-State people are prolly already doing that, but I reflexively say it whenever brain injury comes up….)

horsedreamer_1 January 11, 2011 at 1:57 pm

One more way, thankfully, this time, in which Jared Loughner is a LIFEFAIL.

Billmatic January 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Truly, this is some gangsta shit.

Bonzos_Bed_Time January 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Why do you hate Terry Gross so much?

teebob2000 January 11, 2011 at 2:54 pm

But will she ever play the violin??

fuflans January 11, 2011 at 4:22 pm

npr tells me IL has just banned the death penalty.

huzzah!

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 5:55 pm

npr says the IL death penalty is dead? Didn't they mess up last week?

Prolly means that the 65mph speed limit is dead and the death penalty will recover just fine.

Trinket January 11, 2011 at 11:48 pm

Poopyhead.

zhubajie January 11, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Wait till the special election to replace her! The hearings for the new Federal judge should be craptastic, too!

schvitzatura January 12, 2011 at 4:24 am

Regarding Gabrielle?

DoktorZoom January 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Michelle better keep a close eye out for chubby Jewish interns.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 2:37 pm

And a double dumbaass poopyhead on you.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Get it? "SoreassButt"? He's calling you gay!

DoktorZoom January 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Tell that poopyhead to stop controlling my grammar! How could BCE begin?

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Are you willing to observe BarackMyWorld's concept of weekend if it allows you to use your libunatic to help prepare your Kosher meals? Do you pick and choose which tents of your faith to follow? Why are you so interested in midnight? What happens at midnight? Do you shed your scales? Why do you keep ducking these serious questions?

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Are you willing to observe BarackMyWorld's concept of weekend if it allows you to use your libunatic to help prepare your Kosher meals? Do you pick and choose which tenets of your faith to follow? Why are you so interested in midnight? What happens at midnight? Do you shed your scales? Why do you keep ducking these serious questions?

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm

How mature and non-homophobic. Can't we have trolls who don't act like twelve-year-olds?

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 3:31 pm

How mature and non-homophobic. Can't we have trolls who don't act like twelve-year-olds?

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Poopyhead. And what's your obsession with his former use of pot?

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Now you're just lying.

JaredLeftWingPothead January 11, 2011 at 3:37 pm

"Do you pick and choose which tents of your faith to follow? "

What is a tent of faith? Is that some sort of revivalist event?

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Why did Wonkette make this post disappear and then reappear with my corrected version? Do they have some sort of machine that makes posts kosher, like the libunatic? Why do you keep changing your name? Are you worried about facing your menstrual fears? WHAT HAVE YOU TO HIDE?!?!?!

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Do you beware the red tent? Do you have menstrual psychosis? Are you unable to eat your meals, no matter how kosher, due to this crippling fear? Is this indicative of a general fear of blood, or does the notion of procreation send you into despair? Shouldn't you be wary of operating your libunatic under threat of dizzy spells and nausea?

StopObamunismNow January 11, 2011 at 4:14 pm

"Why did Wonkette make this post disappear and then reappear with my corrected version?"

Sarah Palin did it.

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Silly boy (man-child? sloth-thing?), we both know Sarah Palin doesn't do anything. But why are you trying to cast attention on her? Is there a score to settle? Did she borrow your libunatic and fail to clean it? Perhaps she got her horrific lady blood all over it? She has had a lot of action down there: perhaps her afterbirth is unable to be made kosher, no matter how much heat? Why are you eating her afterbirth anyway? Don't you feed on the blood of unicorns?

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 4:42 pm

"what's your obsession with his former use of pot? "

No obsession, I'm just reporting the facts, regardless of whether they fit your communist agenda or not.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I'm asking why, though; the fact the dude smoked pot has nothing whatsoever to do with your lies to claim he was a liberal, poopyhead.

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Why is "liberal" an insult to you? Why do you obsess like a lunatic about its use? OHWAITAMINUTE! "Liberal" . . . "lunatic" . . . do you realize that if you take parts of both of these words, you can spell "libunatic"? Has that thought every occurred to you when you were operating your libunatic? Do you think your unnatural obsession with making meals kosher and irrational fear of menstrual blood, spurred by your rejection at the hands of one of the "inferior race" (your implied words), caused you to project the turmoil suffered by the never-ending preparation of kosher meals onto all words started with "lib"? Are we making progress here? I'm trying to help, BUT YOUR SILENCE IS DAMNING!

Lefty_Lucy January 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm

You still here? Poopyhead.

Trinket January 11, 2011 at 11:45 pm

HAHAHAH I love that these asshats think "liberal" is an insult.

SorosBot January 12, 2011 at 2:09 am

Thanks for the compliment, but you are still a poopyhead.

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Ground control to CapnFatback, come in CapnFatback.

DoktorZoom January 11, 2011 at 6:44 pm

Dreamer.

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 8:19 pm

têtemerde

Trinket January 11, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Also, he is ignorant! All Wonketteers know that if your butt is sore from buttsecks, ur doin it rong.

CapnFatback January 11, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Why are you talking like that? Are you an intense devotee of the space program? Are you the one that keeps writing mash notes to Buzz Aldrin? Why do you claim that the moon landing was staged–in your pants? Are you a fan of NASA because it could be an acronym for "Not Another Semitic Adoration"? Have you not written sonnets that ponder whether astronauts can get kosher meals in space? What is your hand doing down there, and why is there so much pus? IT WOULD BE IRRESPONSIBLE NOT TO SPECULATE!

LoveIsMyReligion January 11, 2011 at 8:28 pm

"A classmate of Jared Lee Loughner, charged in the Arizona rampage that severely injured Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, killed six, and a dozen others outside a Tucson, Ariz., mall on Saturday, described the 22-year-old as a pot-smoking, political radical she met in high school who always was a bit of an outcast, the Phoenix New Times reports.

“As I knew him, he was left wing,” Caitie Parker tweeted after hearing of the violent attack that targeted and hospitalized Arizona Democrat Giffords in critical condition with a severe head wound. “He was a pot head, quite liberal and oddly obsessed with the 2012 prophecy.”

Trinket January 11, 2011 at 8:46 pm

scheisskopf.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Yeah, a classmate who hadn't seen him in four years, before he started to go off the deep end, which according to people who knew him later was 2008, after he quit pot. And you still haven't answered my question about why you keep emphasizing the pot-smoking part; that's just weird.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Double-posting poopyhead.

BarackMyWorld January 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

You posted other stuff besides that.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Double-posting poopyhead. You've done this thing of making multiple replies of the exact same shit before to; do you even realize how stupid that makes you look?

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm

And I think he owes an apology to the liberal bisexual inter-racially married David Bowie for appropriating his lyrics.

SorosBot January 11, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Macher? You Brietbart idiots do understand that we don't get your little in-jokes, don't you?

Oh wait, that's right; you're morons. And you have given yourself away by forgetting to change accounts I guess:

"He appears to have 'em stirred up. :o) They never let me in anymore either. I'm currently trying to recover my wife's unused account so I can "stir the pot" using a different persona hopefully."

LoveIsMyReligion January 12, 2011 at 6:48 am

Progressive.

Lefty_Lucy January 12, 2011 at 8:35 am

Once upon a time, a wingnut left his beloved Breitbart to become a missionary troll. He travelled to the land of Wonkette to bring the natives the good news of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.

As he suspected, the savages at Wonkette demonstrated their primitive natures through their awareness of experiences beyond their own, their inability to sustain cognitive dissonance and their effete desire not to bomb the living shit out of all people unlike themselves, foreign and domestic.

However, when he attempted to enlighten them to the teabagger tenets of Hate Thy Neighbor and the righteousness of the "unseen hand" in mass social dislocation, the natives stopped their snarking and began shouting "Poopyhead!"

"Poopyhead! Poopyhead!" they jibbered at him. What could it mean, this childish epithet? The troll redoubled his output of condescension and bat-shittery, yet all they would reply is "Poopyhead!"

Finally, a kind-hearted Wonketteer pulled him aside. "You are a stranger here, and don't understand our culture. You see, the Wonketteeri are cannibals. We devour our own on a daily basis, weeding out the silly, the snarkless, the unfunny and even the merely dull."

"White Jesus!" shrieked the troll. "Save me!"

"Relax." said the kindly Wonk. "We only eat brains. 'Poopyhead' is just shorthand for 'Don't eat the trolls. Their shit for brains gives you explosive diarrhea.'"

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