Put this in that Newseum!A thousand Iraq Pulitzers for tonight’s NYTIMES.COM front page!

Turn off the 'puter and throw it away.
Sorry, Everybody. [New York Times]

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  • the_problem_child

    The time for "Sorry, Everybody" is sadly past.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I don't understand. Football is the most important thing there is, isn't it?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      And Tostitos.

      • PuckStopsHere

        Tostidos~~Fuck yeah!. Don't get more "Merckin than Tostitos!

      • mayor_quimby

        You know, for all their constant fucking marketing, I have watched every BCS title game, watch college football a lot, but haven't bought a goddamn bag of Tostitos in about 10 years. They may want to reconsider their fucking sponsorship.
        And give us a fucking playoff system, goddammit!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          They should call them… "Fernando's"

  • twingonaut

    This must be that new humor the kids are doing nowadays. Kids and their humor always on my lawn.

    • WriteyWriterton

      And their music? It's just noise!

  • Et tu, Wonkette?

    I was avoiding all the news sites after encountering an oversized pic on Huffington Post. I guess Wonkette isn't the oasis I was looking for.

    • DemmeFatale

      (Imagine if Charles Manson and the internet had coincided! *shudder*)

    • DemmeFatale

      (Imagine if Charles Manson and the internet had coincided. *shudder*)

    • Sorry MarinMavin. It's the Tostitos Arizona Championship + Crazy Murder Nut combo that forced our hand.

      • predilectrix

        It had to be. How could he pass up something of this ilk?

      • Thanks Ken. You got to do what you got to do and I am sure that it hurt you more than it hurt me to do that. Try to space out the creepy — . BTW, Lov Wonkbot. Want moar Wonkbot. Maybe Wonkbot will help let the healing begin.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Is that Cam Cameron?

  • Tommmcatt

    Ew, that is totally what somebody on meth looks like.

    • V572625694

      No no, Fromm has already told us his crime was caused by marijuana use.

    • sati_demise

      Word is the guy went nuts when he stopped smoking pot.

      Thats just natural crazy!

    • UW8316154

      Someone on meth would be 40 pounds lighter with more facial blemishes…

      • Texan_Bulldog

        And a heck of a lot less teeth.

  • Janinthepan

    Bravo New York Times, bravo.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Needs moar cross-hairs.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I've never seen Cam Newton without his helmet on.

    • angryclownspawn

      His dad paid good money to make sure those helmet pictures were all we saw…

  • JoshuaNorton


  • Crank_Tango

    Typical bald-headed hippies.

    Srsly, tho u guys, that pic makes me wanna smash, smash real good.

    • Terry

      It's a credit to the Tuscon Police Dept and the FBI that his face doesn't look like hamburger, or at least like Lee Harvey Oswald in his mug shot.

      • I have to admit that on Saturday I thought that the reason it took so long to get info about this guy was because the popo were waiting for Jared to come to. Sheriff Dupnik is a better than me (ignoring the obvious that I am a girl).

        • OC_Surf_Serf

          …Got a speeding ticket in Irvine, CA (who the fuck hasn't) and the officer who wrote me up could of whipped my 6'3" self with a few flicks of her pinkies…Gold's Gym Gal or something. Found myself saying "Ma'am" a lot.

    • Negropolis

      Typical bald-headed hippies.

      I've been laughing far less often than I should, over the last few days, but that got me. It got me good.

  • PublicLuxury

    Jesus H Christ! These fucking people are terrifying.

    • fuflans

      can you imagine? somebody thought it was ok to sell that dude ammunition.

      • Silversmith

        I'm guessing he shaved off his eyebrows after he bought the ammo.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        How many bricks you want, man?

  • nappyduggs

    Mmmm- chips and dipshit.

    • Barbara_i

      I've read a lot of funny things in my life and what you just said made me snort out loud. You rock!

      • nappyduggs

        Thanks be to the FSM-and the Wonkette-for laughter through tears.

  • emmelemm

    In fairness, Tostitos are delicious, and go well with football.

    • Negropolis

      Too bad they must be sullied by a mass murdering assassin, huh?

      • emmelemm


        Yeah, really, get that mass-murdering fuck out of my salty snacks!

  • dyedwool

    I want to punch him in his batshit crazy face. Then I want the Auburn Tigers AND the Oregon Ducks to use his head for punting and kickoff practice. As well, I'd like for Tostitos(r) to use his head for the halftime, half-pint field goal prize giveaway competition — 1 million entrants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I'd like to rip off his miserable, crazy-eyed head FOR REAL and shit down his neck. Then send the whole miserable package (or what's left of it) to certain vitriol-spewing somebodies. And make them live with it. For ever and ever. Amen.

    • Beowoof

      Oh dropping his ass into some hot oil left over from frying the last batch of Doritos sounds fun and I would pay per view for that.

    • DoktorZoom

      With VOTES, of course.

  • snoopyfan2010

    If this is the future of America then we need a time machine.

  • HempDogbane

    BCS stands for Bowl Championship Surveying. It's an annual event for professional surveyors, kind of a big deal if you're into that sort of thing.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      Can use a semi-automatic rifle when surveying? I want to be sure to leave plenty of surveyor's marks.

    • Don't retreat just reset your transit.

    • Barrelhse

      Oh- I thought it meant TOILET bowl!

    • Plus most people eat Tostitos from a bowl. Oh who am I kidding, most people attach the open bag to their faces like a drop down oxygen mask in a decompressing jet liner. And it's important to get the bag on your own face before assisting others…

  • angryclownspawn

    It is important to have priorities.

  • vulpes82

    Oh, he's not crazy AT ALL!

    Also, I feel like Tostito's now.

  • chascates

    Not doubt he'll be tried in the Wells Fargo National Court Building with the possible death sentence jointly sponsored by Remington Arms and Arizona Ice Tea.

    • Well Arizona did sell most of their public buildings. It's ok though they're going to lease them back at twice the money it took to maintain them. Jan Brewer= Genius.

    • iburl

      Death Penalty is too good for him. I say medicate him.

  • Mrspanky

    He looks like the illegitimate spawn of our new, corporate criminal governor, Rick Scott (R-FL).

    BTW, Oregon's chartreuse booties are making cool trails on my TV screen.

  • Mahousu

    Is that a prison camp in the background behind the Tostitos/BCS logo? Is this going to be one of those inspiring stories where a guy sent to jail finds redemption playing on the prison team and …

    Ah, forget it. It's not working. And the Tostitos are soggy.

  • neiltheblaze

    Imagine living next door? I suddenly love my neighbors.

    • Barbara_i

      You have enlightened me to my neighbor, a gal that I call "Stupid-Crazy" She has all this rustic looking stuff in her yard, such as plastic cacti. We live in New Mexico! You can get the real thing! She nails license plates on the block walls that separate our homes. (see Bristol Plains Arizona house for reference) Her yard looks like one of those T.J. O'Pootin' Toots fern bars. I now have a newly found respect for her and will stop calling her "Stupid-Crazy" She is now my friend _____. Crap, I can't remember her name, despite her telling me a thousand times.

      • mereoblivion

        Dumbo J. Loony

  • JoshuaNorton

    Good old Rubbish Limpballs was doing some pre-emptive whinging about how "they" are trying to blame people like him for the shooting. But don't you ditto heads let "them" get away with it. No sireee. What "they'" are really trying to do is take away your free speech.

    Wrong. The reason it's so easy to blame people like him is because IT'S THEIR FAULT! QED.

    All the back peddling and whining about how they're really the victims here isn't going to change that one iota.

    Deal with it, lard ass.

    • BarackMyWorld

      This is the final culmination of decades of him complaining about other people who actually are victims "playing the victim," while he gets paid millions per year to complain about being a victim.

    • DemmeFatale

      This crocodile-tear-victim-hood crap isn't going to fly. Even slightly reasonable folks can see through the B.S. (I hope!)

      • BarackMyWorld

        Whether rightwing radio influenced the shooter or not…I think reasonable folks can all agree that he needs to shut up.

    • mercianomad

      I like how asking them to stop being hate-mongering douches of their own accord for the sake of humanity is somehow equivalent to forcing them to shut the fuck up by law.

    • occams8ball

      I don't think that there are five people in our 300 million who's first reaction was OMG they will say it is my fault. Way to step up you evil prick coward.

  • Jukesgrrl

    BCS: Batshit Crazy Shithead

  • MistaEko

    So they crowned Arizona as the National Champion of the Batshit Crazy Sociopaths? Here I thought the sherriff was just waxing poetic.

  • Lefty_Lucy

    A thousand whore diamonds to the Photoshop-savvy Wonketteer who morphs this creep's face with Glenda's. Shouldn't be too hard.

    • jim89048
    • jim89048

      Wonkbot eated my pic, damn it!
      Once again.

      • Lefty_Lucy

        OMG that is horrifying.

    • emmelemm

      I raise you 2,000 whore diamonds. Make it happen, talented commenter persons!

      • Lefty_Lucy

        Jim above has achieved it. But the result is not for the weak of stomach.

  • ttommyunger

    Hmmmm. Could be my Mail Man, or the Mistreated, overworked TSA Agent that groped me last week. He seems altogether thrilled by how things turned out. The utter banality of evil…

    • PublicLuxury

      That TSA Agent is L.U.C.K.Y some of us have been waiting months to work over Big Tom and the twins .

      • ttommyunger

        Now that is just sad. There are just way too many hot, slippery empty pussies in this Country; you shouldn't have to wait at all…..well, a little teasing is good ;)

    • comrad_darkness

      Is it all right if I borrow "Banality of Evil" for my first novel?

      When I ever write one, that is…

      • bflrtsplk

        I think it's already been taken.

      • ttommyunger

        Fine with me, but you should know I lifted from someone else; can't remember who.

    • bflrtsplk

      That brings me back to the good ol' days when the police used to hassle me for hitchhiking and stick their hands down my pants because they were, y'know, "looking for drugs."

      • Negropolis

        This reminds me of the two officers in Detroit back in 2009 that the community knew as "booty cops":

        Detroit Police Sgt. Michael Osman admits he pulled Terence Hopkins pants, but he takes exception to the claim of direction.

        Hopkins, 28, claims Osman pulled down his pants and performed an illegal cavity search during a 2006 traffic stop while officer Michael Parish stood watch.

        He's suing both officers, known on the streets of southwest Detroit as the "booty boys."

        "He had his hand on my butt, fingers on my rectum. Swipe. He pulled my pants back up," Hopkins said in an earlier deposition.

        But Osman testified Tuesday at a civil trial in Wayne County Circuit Court that he loosened Hopkins' belt so he could pull his saggy pants to begin a proper search, according to the Detroit Free Press.

        "No. 1, it's illegal," Osman said of the supposed cavity search. "No. 2, it's disgusting."

        The city of Detroit has paid more than $700,000 in settlements with four men who made similar allegations. Two were paid $349,000 each without filing a lawsuit.

        LOL! Here are a pic of the "booty boys". They were ultimately aquitted, but you try and tell me these dudes weren't feeling up the dealers.

      • ttommyunger

        Kind of looks line he's got someone't hands down his pants now; probably his own, though.

  • Sophist FCD

    Ok, either this guy and Glenn Beck are related, or all white people look alike.

    Seriously, open that link in another tab and switch between the two photos a few times. Unless you have a weak heart. Or are easily nauseated. Or have a soul. You know, on second thought, you probably shouldn't do the thing I just said to do. Sorry.

    • bflrtsplk

      Actually, all us whities have the same mother, that being the incredible one and only Virgin Mary, so I guess that makes us all, like, twins. Also.

  • SorosBot

    Is this tedious college football thing where the best team is determined by sportswriters, the world's dumbest high paid profession, still going on?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Actually, the first half of this particular game had its points; e.g., I had never before seen a fake extra point kick with the holder tossing an option lateral for two.

    • Steverino247

      Could be rock journalists, so consider yourself lucky.

  • fuflans

    well in MY america elfa shelving is 30% off at container store and i just bought a 'moneybox jesus' (in silver glitter) for 4.99 from borders.

    so it's all good.

  • forgracie

    Ken, put on Soft Machine's "Third", make a cocktail and take the night off. Sometimes there is no reason for why shit happens. Moon in June is a perfect antidote to such times.

    • DonnyKerabotsos

      …tides go in, tides go out…

  • jim89048

    Didn't I see this guy at the airport last week, wearing an orange robe?

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Uncle Fester on Crack?

    A skinhead son of Col. Klink?

    (yes I am old enough to be your…uh…older sibling)

    • FNMA

      Bastard son of Uncle Fester.
      Be a good name for a band…

  • Ken Layne is the UnaWonkbot, and he is disgruntled by the displays on his Zenith Television.

    So this is what we get.

  • V572625694

    In other tragic news news…Why, God, why?

    • BarackMyWorld

      First TV journalist to change their name to "Swallows" gets the job.

  • Redhead

    +1 insanity defense

    • Did you say the Hannity defense?

      • Redhead

        Well, cause and effect, so close enough.

  • Lord Voldermort

    Harvest the transplantable organs and compost the rest.

    • BarryOPotter


  • DemmeFatale

    Loughner fatigue

    • Loughner fatigue. Stupid fatigue. A nesting doll of tragedy fatigue. False equivelency fatigue. Trying argue with short attention span fatigue. I feel fatigue feeling like an exile in my own country. The only saving grace is having you guys along while we are inside this nightmarish wormhole.

    • glamourdammerung

      I hope the public gets a good, long look at this garbage so that some folks finally get it that smirking incitements of political assassination and other assorted thuggery is not acceptable. Of course, that would also imply thinking that Palin and the twenty percenters would have some very rudimentary common sense, so I am optimistic if nothing else.

  • hockeymom

    Why won't my mouse slide the Tostitos logo over that cretin's face?
    Damn you MacBook Pro…I thought you could do anything.

  • Veritas78

    He does have three names, so he fits the Sondheim Protocol. We can't say we weren't warned.

    The Times article notes that he even failed as a volunteer dog-walker. So basically, there was not one single thing this guy was able to do to fit in, except join our pantheon of assassins.

    • FlyOverGirl

      Sic semper tyrannis.

      • Veritas78

        Thanks for catching the reference!

        • FlyOverGirl

          absolutely! Thank you for the reference. That masters in theatre history with an emphasis in musical theatre history pays off at odd times. I now have bit and pieces of Assassins running through my brain – perhaps I'll luck out and switch to Company soon.

          • DemmeFatale

            Greatest show ever!!

          • BarackMyWorld

            I Googled "Sic semper tyrannis Sondheim Protocol"" to find out what the hell you two were talking about and THIS VERY PAGE was the 4th result.

  • Sophist FCD

    New York Times Front Page Is New Statue of Liberty

    New York Post Front Page New Flea Flicker

  • BlackRhino

    But hey, it's a great game…football, gun play; even better!

  • CalamityJames

    So, the public defender has previously represented a couple of terrorists? Why are they still referring to Loughner as "teh shooter?"

    • BarackMyWorld

      You really wanna know?

      • CalamityJames

        Will it hurt?

        • Sophist FCD

          Just your will to live.

          • CalamityJames

            Oh, well shit, I haven't had one of those in years. GAME ONNNNNN!!!

          • BarackMyWorld

            (whisper)….cuz he's white…

  • iburl

    Steven Cates is an "edgy-looking, young guy with bright, pink hair".

    His hair may be the ONLY really funny thing about this tragedy.

  • FlyOverGirl

    "I am Lord Voldemort." Seriously, I'm going to have nightmares with that face.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Holy gee, this guy's literally a fleshy Tea Bag – lightly pubed scrotum head.

  • Qatarded

    At first glance, I thought he just ate some Imperial Margarine.

  • el_donaldo

    O.K. that is a clear sign from the cosmos that I should not step into Arizona anytime in the foreseeable future. Sorry, Arizona-side-of the-family, that just scares the piss out of me.

    • tabouley

      Though I imagine that this might've happened in other states, during the live freed from one of the local stations on Saturday, the announcers mentioned several times that, though they had received many emails inquiring as to whether "the game" scheduled for that afternoon would still be broadcast, there were some very important things going on that would probably cause it to be pre-empted.
      So, yes, someone is trying to tell us something about The Grand Canyon State, and it is not pleasant.

  • WriteyWriterton

    The Gray Lady's having a bad hair, i.e., headline, day

  • FlipOffResearch

    When I look at that picture, I see the smug self-gratification of a creep that has bought his 15 minutes of fame. The whole world knows who he is, and there he is smirking about how he got all this attention.

  • gullywompr

    Dear New York Times,

    We want our ad money back.


  • So that's what the Newspaper of Record looks like these days.

  • undeterredbyreality

    I just wish God had better shit to do than support Auburn. Ya know? He could have spent a little time in Arizona a couple of days ago, but no…he was probably tailgating, trying to get into Cam Newton's pants or something. War Eagle my ass. I bet Oregon didn't even ask him to help them. Damn hippies.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Ah, you saw the coach's "spontaneous" postgame remarks.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      And isn't Oregon's achievement that much grander? You try playing championship football when you are baked all the time!

  • MinAgain

    “What do you make of that layout?”
    “Why, I can make a hat, I can make a brooch, I can make a pterdactyl.”

  • Hagar7

    "When you think lunatic killing sprees, think Tostitos!"

  • DCHatesMe

    Children grow up so fast these days. The average 22 y/o now looks like John Demjanjuk.

  • Beowoof

    You know that New York republicans are ready to sponsor a bill where the Statute in New York Harbor will be modified, she will be turned toward the Veranzzano Narrows, with no torch but an up raised middle finger and the new inscription which says get the fuck out of here.
    On the other hand psycho killers and football mean ratings and ad dollars.

  • comrad_darkness

    Oh, he's now a Skinhead. That's actually consistent with his reading list. (If you aren't a Beck-head, that is.)

  • schvitzatura

    I didn't know Frédéric Bartholdi had a backup design, Brûlure Terreur dans le monde, avec une puissance de feu supérieure!

  • schvitzatura

    Looks more like the average creepy designee of St. Peter's mission, straight outta Vatican City.

    Tostitos papal tiara/mitre!

  • LionelHutzEsq

    I was busy this evening. Did Loughner win the Championship?

  • Negropolis

    Look at that fat-headed muthfucka'…ugh. Like a busted condom, this one. Looks like you could hit it with a pool cue or golf club if you rounded it out a bit more.

  • usernameguy

    To be fair, that was a really good game.

  • shirleyplz

    Genius screen capture. New Statue of Liberty is bipolar psychotic but doesn't know it. Brought to you by Frito Lay.
    Graphic subtext has religious imagery (pope hat shape) against what could be a prison wall, a border wall, our minds settle on football.
    'Eyes open and mouth cries, haven't slept since summer…..'
    inscription on New Non-Lady Liberty will be words from Fever Ray's Concrete Walls.

  • jus_wonderin

    Go Arizona!!!! I hope they win. Uh, eer.

    btw: I bet Tostitos feels a bit chip faced right now.

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  • Pragmatist2

    As long as the keep putting the bikini girl on Page 3, I am OK with this.

  • Best thing about it is the bright red COLLAPSE button in the upper right. That should be the front page every day. Magnify 800% and repeat until none remain.

  • Also, seriously, would it be considered unfairly "doctoring a photo" for a major news organization to actually color-correct that sumbitch? Sheesh.

  • prommie

    Ah, hell, thats nothing compared to the back page of the Daily News yesterday.

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