A thousand Iraq Pulitzers for tonight’s NYTIMES.COM front page!
Sorry, Everybody. [New York Times]
VISIONS OF AMERICA 8:29 pm January 10, 2011
New York Times Front Page Is New Statue of Liberty
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 153 comments }
The time for "Sorry, Everybody" is sadly past.
I don't understand. Football is the most important thing there is, isn't it?
And Tostitos.
Tostidos~~Fuck yeah!. Don't get more "Merckin than Tostitos!
You know, for all their constant fucking marketing, I have watched every BCS title game, watch college football a lot, but haven't bought a goddamn bag of Tostitos in about 10 years. They may want to reconsider their fucking sponsorship.
And give us a fucking playoff system, goddammit!
They should call them… "Fernando's"
This must be that new humor the kids are doing nowadays. Kids and their humor always on my lawn.
And their music? It's just noise!
Et tu, Wonkette?
I was avoiding all the news sites after encountering an oversized pic on Huffington Post. I guess Wonkette isn't the oasis I was looking for.
Agreed!
(Imagine if Charles Manson and the internet had coincided! *shudder*)
Agreed!
(Imagine if Charles Manson and the internet had coincided. *shudder*)
Sorry MarinMavin. It's the Tostitos Arizona Championship + Crazy Murder Nut combo that forced our hand.
It had to be. How could he pass up something of this ilk? http://www.joeydevilla.com/2005/04/27/ironic-news…
Thanks Ken. You got to do what you got to do and I am sure that it hurt you more than it hurt me to do that. Try to space out the creepy — . BTW, Lov Wonkbot. Want moar Wonkbot. Maybe Wonkbot will help let the healing begin.
Is that Cam Cameron?
Ew, that is totally what somebody on meth looks like.
No no, Fromm has already told us his crime was caused by marijuana use.
Word is the guy went nuts when he stopped smoking pot.
Thats just natural crazy!
Someone on meth would be 40 pounds lighter with more facial blemishes…
And a heck of a lot less teeth.
Bravo New York Times, bravo.
In picture form.
Needs moar cross-hairs.
I've never seen Cam Newton without his helmet on.
His dad paid good money to make sure those helmet pictures were all we saw…
Wingnut.
Typical bald-headed hippies.
Srsly, tho u guys, that pic makes me wanna smash, smash real good.
It's a credit to the Tuscon Police Dept and the FBI that his face doesn't look like hamburger, or at least like Lee Harvey Oswald in his mug shot.
I have to admit that on Saturday I thought that the reason it took so long to get info about this guy was because the popo were waiting for Jared to come to. Sheriff Dupnik is a better than me (ignoring the obvious that I am a girl).
…Got a speeding ticket in Irvine, CA (who the fuck hasn't) and the officer who wrote me up could of whipped my 6'3" self with a few flicks of her pinkies…Gold's Gym Gal or something. Found myself saying "Ma'am" a lot.
I've been laughing far less often than I should, over the last few days, but that got me. It got me good.
Jesus H Christ! These fucking people are terrifying.
can you imagine? somebody thought it was ok to sell that dude ammunition.
I'm guessing he shaved off his eyebrows after he bought the ammo.
How many bricks you want, man?
Mmmm- chips and dipshit.
I've read a lot of funny things in my life and what you just said made me snort out loud. You rock!
Thanks be to the FSM-and the Wonkette-for laughter through tears.
In fairness, Tostitos are delicious, and go well with football.
Too bad they must be sullied by a mass murdering assassin, huh?
Zing!
Yeah, really, get that mass-murdering fuck out of my salty snacks!
I want to punch him in his batshit crazy face. Then I want the Auburn Tigers AND the Oregon Ducks to use his head for punting and kickoff practice. As well, I'd like for Tostitos(r) to use his head for the halftime, half-pint field goal prize giveaway competition — 1 million entrants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I'd like to rip off his miserable, crazy-eyed head FOR REAL and shit down his neck. Then send the whole miserable package (or what's left of it) to certain vitriol-spewing somebodies. And make them live with it. For ever and ever. Amen.
Oh dropping his ass into some hot oil left over from frying the last batch of Doritos sounds fun and I would pay per view for that.
With VOTES, of course.
If this is the future of America then we need a time machine.
BCS stands for Bowl Championship Surveying. It's an annual event for professional surveyors, kind of a big deal if you're into that sort of thing.
Can use a semi-automatic rifle when surveying? I want to be sure to leave plenty of surveyor's marks.
Don't retreat just reset your transit.
Oh- I thought it meant TOILET bowl!
Plus most people eat Tostitos from a bowl. Oh who am I kidding, most people attach the open bag to their faces like a drop down oxygen mask in a decompressing jet liner. And it's important to get the bag on your own face before assisting others…
It is important to have priorities.
Oh, he's not crazy AT ALL!
Also, I feel like Tostito's now.
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Not doubt he'll be tried in the Wells Fargo National Court Building with the possible death sentence jointly sponsored by Remington Arms and Arizona Ice Tea.
Well Arizona did sell most of their public buildings. It's ok though they're going to lease them back at twice the money it took to maintain them. Jan Brewer= Genius.
Death Penalty is too good for him. I say medicate him.
He looks like the illegitimate spawn of our new, corporate criminal governor, Rick Scott (R-FL).
BTW, Oregon's chartreuse booties are making cool trails on my TV screen.
Is that a prison camp in the background behind the Tostitos/BCS logo? Is this going to be one of those inspiring stories where a guy sent to jail finds redemption playing on the prison team and …
Ah, forget it. It's not working. And the Tostitos are soggy.
Imagine living next door? I suddenly love my neighbors.
You have enlightened me to my neighbor, a gal that I call "Stupid-Crazy" She has all this rustic looking stuff in her yard, such as plastic cacti. We live in New Mexico! You can get the real thing! She nails license plates on the block walls that separate our homes. (see Bristol Plains Arizona house for reference) Her yard looks like one of those T.J. O'Pootin' Toots fern bars. I now have a newly found respect for her and will stop calling her "Stupid-Crazy" She is now my friend _____. Crap, I can't remember her name, despite her telling me a thousand times.
Dumbo J. Loony
Good old Rubbish Limpballs was doing some pre-emptive whinging about how "they" are trying to blame people like him for the shooting. But don't you ditto heads let "them" get away with it. No sireee. What "they'" are really trying to do is take away your free speech.
Wrong. The reason it's so easy to blame people like him is because IT'S THEIR FAULT! QED.
All the back peddling and whining about how they're really the victims here isn't going to change that one iota.
Deal with it, lard ass.
This is the final culmination of decades of him complaining about other people who actually are victims "playing the victim," while he gets paid millions per year to complain about being a victim.
This crocodile-tear-victim-hood crap isn't going to fly. Even slightly reasonable folks can see through the B.S. (I hope!)
Whether rightwing radio influenced the shooter or not…I think reasonable folks can all agree that he needs to shut up.
I like how asking them to stop being hate-mongering douches of their own accord for the sake of humanity is somehow equivalent to forcing them to shut the fuck up by law.
I don't think that there are five people in our 300 million who's first reaction was OMG they will say it is my fault. Way to step up you evil prick coward.
BCS: Batshit Crazy Shithead
So they crowned Arizona as the National Champion of the Batshit Crazy Sociopaths? Here I thought the sherriff was just waxing poetic.
A thousand whore diamonds to the Photoshop-savvy Wonketteer who morphs this creep's face with Glenda's. Shouldn't be too hard.
Lard help me…
Wonkbot eated my pic, damn it!
Once again.
OMG that is horrifying.
I raise you 2,000 whore diamonds. Make it happen, talented commenter persons!
Jim above has achieved it. But the result is not for the weak of stomach.
Hmmmm. Could be my Mail Man, or the Mistreated, overworked TSA Agent that groped me last week. He seems altogether thrilled by how things turned out. The utter banality of evil…
That TSA Agent is L.U.C.K.Y some of us have been waiting months to work over Big Tom and the twins .
Now that is just sad. There are just way too many hot, slippery empty pussies in this Country; you shouldn't have to wait at all…..well, a little teasing is good ;)
Is it all right if I borrow "Banality of Evil" for my first novel?
When I ever write one, that is…
I think it's already been taken.
Fine with me, but you should know I lifted from someone else; can't remember who.
That brings me back to the good ol' days when the police used to hassle me for hitchhiking and stick their hands down my pants because they were, y'know, "looking for drugs."
This reminds me of the two officers in Detroit back in 2009 that the community knew as "booty cops":
LOL! Here are a pic of the "booty boys". They were ultimately aquitted, but you try and tell me these dudes weren't feeling up the dealers.
Kind of looks line he's got someone't hands down his pants now; probably his own, though.
Ok, either this guy and Glenn Beck are related, or all white people look alike.
Seriously, open that link in another tab and switch between the two photos a few times. Unless you have a weak heart. Or are easily nauseated. Or have a soul. You know, on second thought, you probably shouldn't do the thing I just said to do. Sorry.
Actually, all us whities have the same mother, that being the incredible one and only Virgin Mary, so I guess that makes us all, like, twins. Also.
Is this tedious college football thing where the best team is determined by sportswriters, the world's dumbest high paid profession, still going on?
Actually, the first half of this particular game had its points; e.g., I had never before seen a fake extra point kick with the holder tossing an option lateral for two.
Could be rock journalists, so consider yourself lucky.
well in MY america elfa shelving is 30% off at container store and i just bought a 'moneybox jesus' (in silver glitter) for 4.99 from borders.
so it's all good.
Ken, put on Soft Machine's "Third", make a cocktail and take the night off. Sometimes there is no reason for why shit happens. Moon in June is a perfect antidote to such times.
…tides go in, tides go out…
Didn't I see this guy at the airport last week, wearing an orange robe?
Uncle Fester on Crack?
A skinhead son of Col. Klink?
(yes I am old enough to be your…uh…older sibling)
Bastard son of Uncle Fester.
Be a good name for a band…
Ken Layne is the UnaWonkbot, and he is disgruntled by the displays on his Zenith Television.
So this is what we get.
~
In other tragic news news…Why, God, why?
First TV journalist to change their name to "Swallows" gets the job.
+1 insanity defense
Did you say the Hannity defense?
Well, cause and effect, so close enough.
Harvest the transplantable organs and compost the rest.
You!
Loughner fatigue
Loughner fatigue. Stupid fatigue. A nesting doll of tragedy fatigue. False equivelency fatigue. Trying argue with short attention span fatigue. I feel fatigue feeling like an exile in my own country. The only saving grace is having you guys along while we are inside this nightmarish wormhole.
I hope the public gets a good, long look at this garbage so that some folks finally get it that smirking incitements of political assassination and other assorted thuggery is not acceptable. Of course, that would also imply thinking that Palin and the twenty percenters would have some very rudimentary common sense, so I am optimistic if nothing else.
Why won't my mouse slide the Tostitos logo over that cretin's face?
Damn you MacBook Pro…I thought you could do anything.
He does have three names, so he fits the Sondheim Protocol. We can't say we weren't warned.
The Times article notes that he even failed as a volunteer dog-walker. So basically, there was not one single thing this guy was able to do to fit in, except join our pantheon of assassins.
Sic semper tyrannis.
Thanks for catching the reference!
absolutely! Thank you for the reference. That masters in theatre history with an emphasis in musical theatre history pays off at odd times. I now have bit and pieces of Assassins running through my brain – perhaps I'll luck out and switch to Company soon.
Greatest show ever!!
New York Times Front Page Is New Statue of Liberty
New York Post Front Page New Flea Flicker
But hey, it's a great game…football, gun play; even better!
So, the public defender has previously represented a couple of terrorists? Why are they still referring to Loughner as "teh shooter?"
You really wanna know?
Will it hurt?
Just your will to live.
Oh, well shit, I haven't had one of those in years. GAME ONNNNNN!!!
Steven Cates is an "edgy-looking, young guy with bright, pink hair".
His hair may be the ONLY really funny thing about this tragedy.
http://www.mediaite.com/tag/steven-cates/
"I am Lord Voldemort." Seriously, I'm going to have nightmares with that face.
Holy gee, this guy's literally a fleshy Tea Bag – lightly pubed scrotum head.
At first glance, I thought he just ate some Imperial Margarine.
I don't know if I should admit I know what you are talking about.
I had to go dig it up. The condescending husband is awesome.
I remember the 80s versions of those. Given the timeframe of the filming, I was really expecting him to backhand her.
O.K. that is a clear sign from the cosmos that I should not step into Arizona anytime in the foreseeable future. Sorry, Arizona-side-of the-family, that just scares the piss out of me.
Though I imagine that this might've happened in other states, during the live freed from one of the local stations on Saturday, the announcers mentioned several times that, though they had received many emails inquiring as to whether "the game" scheduled for that afternoon would still be broadcast, there were some very important things going on that would probably cause it to be pre-empted.
So, yes, someone is trying to tell us something about The Grand Canyon State, and it is not pleasant.
The Gray Lady's having a bad hair, i.e., headline, day
When I look at that picture, I see the smug self-gratification of a creep that has bought his 15 minutes of fame. The whole world knows who he is, and there he is smirking about how he got all this attention.
Dear New York Times,
We want our ad money back.
Sincerely,
Tostitos
So that's what the Newspaper of Record looks like these days.
I just wish God had better shit to do than support Auburn. Ya know? He could have spent a little time in Arizona a couple of days ago, but no…he was probably tailgating, trying to get into Cam Newton's pants or something. War Eagle my ass. I bet Oregon didn't even ask him to help them. Damn hippies.
Ah, you saw the coach's "spontaneous" postgame remarks.
And isn't Oregon's achievement that much grander? You try playing championship football when you are baked all the time!
“What do you make of that layout?”
“Why, I can make a hat, I can make a brooch, I can make a pterdactyl.”
"When you think lunatic killing sprees, think Tostitos!"
Children grow up so fast these days. The average 22 y/o now looks like John Demjanjuk.
You know that New York republicans are ready to sponsor a bill where the Statute in New York Harbor will be modified, she will be turned toward the Veranzzano Narrows, with no torch but an up raised middle finger and the new inscription which says get the fuck out of here.
On the other hand psycho killers and football mean ratings and ad dollars.
Oh, he's now a Skinhead. That's actually consistent with his reading list. (If you aren't a Beck-head, that is.)
I didn't know Frédéric Bartholdi had a backup design, Brûlure Terreur dans le monde, avec une puissance de feu supérieure!
Looks more like the average creepy designee of St. Peter's mission, straight outta Vatican City.
Tostitos papal tiara/mitre!
I was busy this evening. Did Loughner win the Championship?
Look at that fat-headed muthfucka'…ugh. Like a busted condom, this one. Looks like you could hit it with a pool cue or golf club if you rounded it out a bit more.
To be fair, that was a really good game.
Genius screen capture. New Statue of Liberty is bipolar psychotic but doesn't know it. Brought to you by Frito Lay.
Graphic subtext has religious imagery (pope hat shape) against what could be a prison wall, a border wall, our minds settle on football.
'Eyes open and mouth cries, haven't slept since summer…..'
inscription on New Non-Lady Liberty will be words from Fever Ray's Concrete Walls.
Go Arizona!!!! I hope they win. Uh, eer.
btw: I bet Tostitos feels a bit chip faced right now.
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As long as the keep putting the bikini girl on Page 3, I am OK with this.
Best thing about it is the bright red COLLAPSE button in the upper right. That should be the front page every day. Magnify 800% and repeat until none remain.
Also, seriously, would it be considered unfairly "doctoring a photo" for a major news organization to actually color-correct that sumbitch? Sheesh.
Ah, hell, thats nothing compared to the back page of the Daily News yesterday.
(whisper)….cuz he's white…
I Googled "Sic semper tyrannis Sondheim Protocol"" to find out what the hell you two were talking about and THIS VERY PAGE was the 4th result.
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