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'They want our way of life, well they can take mine any time they like ...'Everybody have a pretty good weekend? No? Oh, right. The Wonkbot was hoping to take the weekend off, maybe go down to the river and listen to some Bob Saget or something, Bob Seger, one of those. Something American, with all that entails. Just flop down in the frozen mud and shit and feel the national rust take hold, like some incredibly dull and common Grave Monster. Anyway, once we finally got the Wonkbot fired up this morning, we discovered it was in pretty bad shape, because it’s actually an antenna that only gets AM news and talk radio.

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  • MinAgain

    I do like the Mozart analogy, although "Die Zauberflöte" suddenly sounds a lot more ominous…

    • Mahousu

      Seeing as "Die Zauberflöte" is basically one long cryptic Masonic screed, it's always been ominous.

  • Come here a minute

    This is not the droid you want, or would wish to have at a later time.

  • Crank_Tango

    Sorry wonkbot, if you want your memory erased, you gotta do it like the humans do, with drugs and/or alcohol. Anyway, you need alcohol to keep from rusting, right?

    • Negropolis

      We could just run an industrial magnet over her naughty bits a few times. That always seems to do the trick.

      • Crank_Tango

        he might think he's a folk singer tho, which might just be ok.

  • Giveusabob
  • LionelHutzEsq

    Just keep the wonkbot away from pot, or it will end up listening to Glenn Beck and then shooting up the place.

    • gef05

      Is that a bad thing? I do things like that all the time. Should I feel awkward? Social interaction is so subtle.

  • Plowmon

    I'd like a drink, please. Make that a double.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I just noticed Wonkbot TSA-1138's TV has a VHS player built into it.

    • prommie

      And is that one of those obsolete "cathode ray tubes?"

  • Ken this weekend was a 2nd Amendment razing of Arizona, not raising.

  • SmutBoffin

    HAHA KEN YOU OWN A ZENITH TV FUCK YEAH

  • problemwithcaring

    Look, Wonkette, I am not a bigot. You know the kind of comments I have written here about civil rights movement, etc. But when I see white people hanging around government officials or government buildings – and they are identifying themselves first and foremost as white, I get worried. I get nervous.

    • Crank_Tango

      I know what you mean, and some of my best friends are white.

      • neiltheblaze

        I prefer they use the back entrance though. I don't want my black and hispanic friends to get the wrong idea. You know….

    • edgydrifter

      Hell, how many years ago was Columbine? And still to this day, when I see some skinny shoe-gazer with bad skin wearing a trenchcoat, I start mapping my exit route.

      • V572625694

        Or Virginia Tech.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Juan Williams, come on down!

    • BarackMyWorld

      Are we still supposed to say "white people"? I prefer the more politically correct term "Entitled-Americans."

      • Sophist FCD

        As a person of pallor, I'm really fine with either, just as long as you stay away from "honky" or "whitey". I know, you see white comedians using them in their routines, and hear country musicians singing them on the radio, but that's different. The words are simply charged with too much cultural baggage. Hearing them from the mouths of non-whites dredges up resentment at the hundreds of years of slavery and oppression and suffering we were forced to undergo. You know…on the supply side.

        • Negropolis

          You know…on the supply side.

          Bwahaha!!!

        • transfatz

          Win!

  • Katydid

    Aw, Wonkbot haz a sad. And is therefore more sentient of its surroundings than the rightwing hate-talkers.

    • bumfug

      Yeah, they don't haz a sad, they haz a "oh, shit, worried about our contracts."

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    This post is an example of leftwing inflammation of the rhetoric. Only voting for Sarah Palin and using Preparation H, preferably together, can stop the burning and chafing of the national discourse.

  • PhilippePetain

    Good call on the Jarvis Cocker alt-text.

  • chascates

    If there is any way I can help the Rapture get here and take some of these people please let me know. After the Rapture I'll have a keg of Aventinis & plenty of BBQ at my place.

  • zhubajie

    Fix the robot's circuits so that it gets shortwave! US shortwave is even crazier than AM but CBC, All India Radio, etc., make up for that.

  • bitchincamaro2

    Still my favorite Bob Seger cut:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVG7hWLj-cg

    • sweet

    • ShaveTheWhales

      So, you're as old as me, and also from the upper midwest?

      • bitchincamaro2

        Detroit. Wesssside, homey. And old as dinosaur cum.

    • prommie

      I didn't listen, I am gonna guess, is it Katmandu?

      • bitchincamaro2

        You so silly.

  • Bluestatelibel

    I don't think it's China that's going to take us over…I think it's our peaceful neighbor Canada. The U.S. has become like the trash hillbilly meth house blaring music at all hours, having wild fights, and letting their crazy dogs run wild. And Canada's like the peaceful normal family that one day has enough of it. I look forward to my Canadian overlords.

    • WriteyWriterton

      They will call the Mounties, explain patiently what is happening next door, without waving their arms like we ethnics do, and the Mounties will take us away. It won't happen a second too soon.

      • GeneralLerong

        They'll take us away and drop us off in Oaxaca. And pick up a load of Mexicans in exchange, to improve the population.

        Oh, the irony of having to hire a coyote to get through The Fence.

        • WriteyWriterton

          And we're just stupid enough to hire Wile E. Coyote.

    • UW8316154

      Pray for Canada.

    • Negropolis

      It'll probably be the Mexicans. More specifically, the Mexican drug cartels. And, well, that wouldn't actually make things much worse, at all.

      • bflrtsplk

        That would pretty much maintain the status quo.

    • trashbot

      They walk among us already… some have even trained themselves to say "out and about" properly, and have suppressed the "eh?"-reflex.

  • WriteyWriterton

    Brilliant enough to depress and sadden me further. Also.

  • Mahousu

    At first I was just watching Wonkbot and following the text crawl at the bottom. But then I caught a glimpse of the TV in the background and thought, "Wait, are they playing gay porn on that??" Then I looked more closely, and saw it was gay porn.

    Bravo, Wonkbot. At least you've found some form of diversion in these last days.

    • If only basic cable provided free gay porn … there would probably be a whole lot less mass shootings in this country.

      (I believe the terrifying, bloody images behind the Wonkbot that you're referring to come from some kind of insane bare-knuckle boxing/strangling program that is apparently shown on teevee at 3 in the afternoon, so the kids have something to watch on television.)

      • Tommmcatt

        That's what he said: Gay Porn.

        And if you think that is weird, yell "Cat Fight" in a crowded office, and see how many straight guys come running.

    • UFC, gay porn, same difference. I can understand your confusion.

  • gef05

    So does this replace the "Pantone of Panic" thing that W introduced? That thing with the pretty colours and the easy read fonts.

  • neiltheblaze

    Our poor Wonkbot needs therapy already. That didn't take long.

  • facehead

    The color codes are definitely contrived, so lemme clear this up.

    For a while we were riding nervously at tacit acceptance of teh crazies Boehner orange, until recently when we made the small jump from lipstick on an enabling pig red to blood of our elected officials crimson.

    Hope that clears things up!

    • WriteyWriterton

      It helps, thanks, but not in a good way, y'know?

  • On the one hand, wonkbot haz a sad and gay porno fighting on its Zenith TV.

    But wonkbot does have a groovy poster, so it's not all bad.
    ~

  • PublicLuxury

    Will the TSA-1138 participate in the next mud wrestling for gay bots?

  • PEACEFUL WHITE PEOPLE, PLS REFUDIATE!

    • problemwithcaring

      This is why I love this website.

    • Negropolis

      Oh boy, that was good.

  • V572625694

    Watching gasbags on Tweetie and Olbermann talking about "dialing down the rhetoric" — on both sides, of course. If we're going to start taking away peoples' constitutional rights, wouldn't it make more sense to start with the Second Amendment rather than the First?

    It's instructive to look at events like this and ask whether they would've happened if the shooter didn't have a gun.

    Oh and the final image of wonkbot tangled up with what look like Christmas lights is muy muy poignant.

    • GOPCrusher

      Problem being, only one side admits that the rhetoric is causing a problem. The other side is claiming that Sarah Palin is the victim in all this.

  • Radiotherapy

    Where would we be without Wonkbot TSA-1135?

    • neiltheblaze

      I don't know, but I want to watch Mystery Science Theatre 3000 reruns now.

      • Radiotherapy

        Where have you gone Joel Hodgson?

    • Negropolis

      Wherever that is is a place I don't want to be, ya' dig? The only place I want to be is within the dulcet monotone of sweet, lady Wonkbot.

  • GhostBuggy

    God bless that damned, pitiful robot.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    At the end, there, Wonkbot appears to have found Ken's stash of digital vodka.

    • V572625694

      It's 01011010 proof!

  • 4tehlulz_lite

    Raging tumor on the body politic jokes about cutting gas line on Tom Periello's house.

    Today.

    God, these teatards are vile. It's like dealing with SA would have been like, if the brownshirts were all fat and willing brawl only over the Internet.

    • Negropolis

      The is from the head of the Danville (VA) Tea Party, who burned Democratic congressman Tom Perriello in effigy last year.

      So, are these fuckers just trying to make America discover that Dems have guns, too, cause that's where they are going with all of this provocation.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Let me guess: his favourite band is Molly Hatchett.

  • ttommyunger

    Reading these posts and watching gasbags bloviate over the top of my laptop tells me that I am so fucked.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Ah, yes. America. The place were you can't legally punch someone unless plenty of folks are watching and who paid you to do it. The place were you can't legally pay for sex (outside NV) unless you have a video crew and call it a shoot. The place were natural 'drugs' are illegal but your television and/or doctor are pushing dozens of pills.

    …and the robot needs moar sexies.

    • UW8316154

      Television, the drug of the Nation
      Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation

  • The Wonkbot needs merchandising. I want my Wonkbot commemorative plate!

  • wondering where i am

    Wonkbot, I think I love you.

    But I WANNA know for sure.

  • AddHomonym

    Auburn coach just said "God is with us." So there's that.

    • bflrtsplk

      Hopefully, God brought along God's awesome stash – and Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield.

    • prommie

      Well shit, man, God is Amurrrican, after all.

  • Negropolis

    Wonkbot, girl, you are getting way too serious. Here, smoke this blunt. That, or I could just defrag you to get you in a better mood, if you know what I'm sayin'.

    The Ultimate Fighting in the background was a perfect metaphor for something, I just don't know what.

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