Texas judge Pat Priest sentenced DeLay to three years on a conspiracy charge and also sentenced him to five years in prison for money laundering. Priest, however, allowed DeLay to accept 10 years probation on the money laundering charge, assuming he meets certain conditions set by the court.

DeLay could have received up to life in prison on the money laundering and conspiracy charges.

You know what Tom DeLays do to Tom DeLays in prison? They have sex with them, we heard. Gross! (Just kidding; once the appeal’s done, Tom DeLay will serve life in not going to prison.) [USA Today]

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  • JadedDissonance

    Next week, on Dancing with the Soap!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Hold me close now Tiny Financier.

  • Serolf_Divad
    • petehammer

      I'm pretty sure Delay was a Democrat.

      Or, at least he will be deemed that now.

    • Katydid

      That's just amazing. It makes me tired just thinking about having to remember shit like that.

    • natoslug

      Third paragraph/sentence in begins with Republican. Ugh. I've actually been reduced defending (sort of) Fox News. I need a bottle of ipecac, a shower, and some tequila. Fortunately, I was able to stop reading after that third paragraph, so I probably missed where they stated he was completely innocent, and if not, was really an undercover progressive sent to destroy the GOP from within or whatever it is they usually print as their political fanfic.

      • Serolf_Divad

        They've altered the text of the story since I posted my comment, significantly lengthening it and acknowledging that he is a Republican. But when the story first ran there was no mention of his party affiliation.

        • natoslug

          But isn't a Fox News post like the word of God?- Perfect in every way and eternal?  Why would they ever want to alter perfection?  Yes, I vomited a bit saying that.  Time to go to the beach for a bit and get away from the webby world.  The Internet's been too insane of late (e.g. 1983-Present).

        • Serolf_Divad

          Here's the entire text of the first Fox Story:

          AUSTIN, Texas — A judge has ordered U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to serve three years in prison for his role in a scheme to illegally funnel corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002.

          The sentence comes after a jury in November convicted DeLay on charges of money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering. DeLay was once one of the most powerful men in U.S. politics, ascending to the No. 2 job in the House of Representatives.

          The former Houston-area congressman had faced up to life in prison. His attorneys asked for probation.

          Senior Judge Pat Priest issued his ruling after a brief sentencing hearing on Monday in which former U.S. House Speaker Dennis Hastert testified on DeLay's behalf.

          Priest declined to hear testimony from the state's only witness.

          • "A judge has ordered…"

            Not "sentenced." Think what you will.

        • transfatz

          This is not the first time Fox tried some story laundering. I guess they had to re-add the dirt.

    • Terry

      Funny that. Delay was actually crookedly moving money in order to fund Republican campaigns.

  • deanbooth

    Hammer biscuits!

  • NewtsChicknNeck

    yes, yes…but will he still be available to help draw Texas's new congressional districts for Bachmann's 14th foster child, the fourth Palin kid, and Rick Perry's logcabin rightwing "best friend"?

  • SexySmurf

    Looks like the Aryan Brotherhood just got a new drug mule.

    • He's not going to have room for all the things that will end up in his ass.

      • Moonbat

        He's found room for his head all these years, I'm sure he'll work something out.

  • petehammer

    Well, hopefully Tom can DELAY getting HAMMERed in the GERRYMANDER.

    What I'm saying is, he'll appeal but eventually go to prison and will have done to him what he did to Texas/the country.

    This guy defines "shit-eating grin."

    • Negropolis

      Gene Shalit, that you?

  • Moonbatting Average

    Watch our for your cornhole, buddy

    • Sophist FCD

      You're going to federal filibuster-me-in-the-ass prison.

  • SorosBot

    DeLay is not exact a handsome or charming man, so in prison he will probably be dancing with himself (oh oh oh).

    • ttommyunger

      A preponderance of prison sex has nothing to do with looks or charm.

    • Negropolis

      No, they'll just use him as a waste receptacle. If prison had anything to do with looks, well, more would leave the place prison virgins.

      He better find him a nice, big husband in there to protect him, because his tiny ass is gonna get used up.

    • GOPCrusher

      And his stint on Dancing With The Stars will probably earn him a little more attention than the normal fresh meat gets, once put into general population.

  • BerkeleyBear

    DeLay is probably wishing he had been up on Federal charges about now. Texas state prisons suck – although since many are run by private corporations with heavy lobbying operations, I suppose there's a chance he could find someone to "influence" for better accomodations.

    • Terry

      First, he still may never see the inside of a cell. If he does, however, he'll suffer just as much as those major drug lords did when they went to jail in Colombia.

  • Extemporanus

    ♪♫ Stop…Hammer time! ♪♫

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Could not happen to a nicer guy. No, wait, yes it could.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    The funny thing will be when they accidentally execute him because Rick Perry is too busy getting ready to secede to actually read the death warrants put in front of him.

  • edgydrifter

    Three years? You need to divide that by twelve when you convert it to WAR (white and rich) time.

  • I believe a more appropriate sentence would have been the death penalty. You know, first offense…Texas….

  • WriteyWriterton

    Okay, time for a little disappointment, Wonketteers: as someone else already noted, Tommy D is a white male Republican in a state entirely run by them, with an appellate judiciary probably dominated by them. So, his first get-out-of-jail free card might come from an appellate court or the Texas Supreme Court (Our motto: where "Supreme" means "Supremely Stupid").

    If that doesn't happen, Governor Lego (TM) -hair will commute his sentence or, in a particularly generous moment, pardon Him-for-Whom-There-Ought-To-Be-No-Pardon. So… the likelihood seems to me low that Delay will miss even a day of lucrative "government-relations" work on K street.

    In short, the ex-exterminator will all but certainly spend WAY less time in prison then two black women who stole $11 worth of whatever in Mississippi. And, by "WAY less time in prison," I mean zero time.

    • Party pooper.

    • snoopyfan2010

      Sure, but the $11 the women stole hurt more people than the thousands of dollars he stole. Or something like that.

    • inedalo

      you are correct, he will never serve a day in jail. those repugs protect their own, and remember that texas is a 100% repug-controlled state. wise up wonketeers and don't be so naive. get street-smarts. how many want to place a bet that Hammertom gets a delay on prison? ain't gonna spend one day in graybar hotel. take it from me.
      read this and weep, comrades.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Where can I donate cartons of smokes to the inmates?

  • iburl

    Omg! I know as a liberal I should be well conditioned to be grossly disappointed in all forms of Hope, but I am getting excited. I think I'll start getting my mixtape ready in case he really goes into the pen!!

    Not sure if anybody else has mentioned this, but the judge was quite hott as Marilyn Munster.

  • WriteyWriterton


    "After listening to Mr. DeLay say he felt he had done nothing wrong, Judge Pat Priest sentenced him to three years in prison for the conspiracy count and 10 years’ probation for the money laundering count. The judge rejected arguments from Mr. DeLay that the trial had been a politically motivated vendetta mounted by an overzealous Democratic District Attorney.

    “Before there were Republicans and Democrats, there was America, and what America is about is the rule of law,” the judge said just before pronouncing the sentence. "

    Dupnik/Priest 2016 (after Barry finishes his second term). Makes sense to me.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Goddamit writey and "my" wonkette. I just did this on the previous thread and you shit heads (wait–are any of you members of congress? If so, I take shit head back) beat me to it. Ten years probation for money laundering. Just the sound of it is sweet.

    • snoopyfan2010

      I'll vote for that.

    • inedalo

      yeah a guy named Priest will get many votes, but not sure about Dupnik. voters will ask – is he really american? them voters is so dumb in the United States of Jeebus.

  • ttommyunger

    What Writey said, times two. Fantasize all you like, Wonketeers; this slimy cocksucker will not serve a day inside. He does, however, have to be Tom DeLay, and that has to suck out loud.

  • DustBowlBlues

    After Young Riley's downer post that he wouldn't be sentenced because he's too white and too Republithug (might have made up the latter adjective, Young Riley, if so, I apologize) I wasn't thinking anything good would come of this.

    And Beck/Palin the next post? Who cares if I'm snowed in and we forgot to pickup my expensive arthritis drug and I haven't taken it in for four days and can barely walk and am in extreme pain in all my joints (actually, I wish I had a joint. It would help, but then, it might turn me into a mass murderer, so there's that), it's Xmas for the wonkeratti!

    Wingnuts on parade. Hugs and kisses to the wonket.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Hope you get by with a little help from your friends.
      Best Wishes.

  • Ancient_Hackery

    His attorneys will get him off on a medical appeal (he sniffed too much cockroach killer when he was an exterminator), or on insanity (obvious).

  • not that Dewey

    Is he gonna need to resort to 8th amendment remedies?

  • MinAgain

    The judge had to do this. Putting Delay in a cell with another prisoner would be cruel and unusual punishment.

  • Steverino247

    I don't know, guys. I didn't think Randy Cunningham would ever see a day in prison and now I'm sure he's never going to see a day out of it. Maybe that hopey changey thing really is working for me.

  • Troubledog

    DeLay was a pot-smoking loner. Nothing to see here.

  • ptulinski

    Let's not forget the best part of this news: he's going to jail in a Texas State Prison, no Federal Country Club for the exterminator from SugarLand.

  • Mahousu

    TPM has some of the letters written on Tom Delay's behalf and they make for great reading. I was particularly impressed by Congressman Louie Gohmert's letter, which details how "selfless" and "generous" Delay was in giving up a number of his Republican voters when re-gerrymandering the Texas Congressional districts. I had never looked upon gerrymandering as an act of charity before.

    Well, I still don't, but that's probably because I'm stubborn.

    • onemoretime79

      Stubborn like a mule. And what's wrong with that.

      Let me take one small moment to reflect upon the last time Delay had any say as to how to re-draw districts in Texas.

      If memory serves ; Certain Democratic representatives walked out under protest of his hammer-like ways. In Texas. On account of gerrymandering. Go figure, I kid not.

      Delay called Homeland Security. Someone picked up the phone. Delay got his way, back then.

      Now he's got the highway.
      May it be to hell.

  • PublicLuxury

    Do you think it'll be a 'real pound me in the ass prison'? Or will it be just a 'finger bang me in the ass prison'?

    • Negropolis

      Seeing him on Dancing With The Stars, I fear he wouldn't take either as punishment.

      In a perfect world, they'd send the Littlest Congressman to a work-camp, which would truly be punishment for him, but that's not ever going to happen.

  • hagajim

    I'm guessing Mr. Hammer will spend some time out of the stir with his appeal, and then might (and I emphasize might) just spend around a year in some minimum security prison playing tennis and stuff….so it's probably finger bang me in the ass prison.

  • Soylent Green

    dance, little man, dance.

  • inedalo

    he ain't gonna do no time in the graybar hotel. wanna bet on it?
    he is no cunning-ham, but exterminator hammertom.

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