- Tom DeLay is back in court today for the “sentencing phase” of his trial. Although DeLay “faces up to life in prison on the money laundering charge and up to 20 years on the conspiracy charge,” he is also “white” and “eligible for probation.” And apparently many Experts believe he will receive probation. Haha, oh fuck. It would be simply beguiling if Tom DeLay spent even a week in prison, but God hates us so of course this won’t happen. So yeah, just to recap: Tom DeLay is a corrupt public servant who laundered hundreds of thousands of dollars, and now he will probably have to volunteer at his local Humane Society. Meanwhile, some black guy somewhere is spending twenty years behind bars for not calling a police officer “sir.” [AP]
- Meth! It’s everywhere. [AP]
- The CIA considers climate change a serious threat to our national security — but it’s almost impossible to torture climate change in a secret Lithuanian rape prison so what are they supposed to do? [McClatchy]
{ 133 comments }
Man, it looks like there's so much meth out there you'd think any idiot could make it in their kitchen using recipes easily found over the internet or something.
Meth is such a tribute to american ingenuity and the entrepreneurial spirit to get high.
Bah, who needs to make "bathtub ritaline?" Find yourself a psychiatrist, go tell him you are nervous and distracted, collect prescriptions for xanax and ritaline, repeat monthly. Voila! Better living through chemicals! I call the combo "Saint Joseph's Baby Speedballs."
But what about those of us who don't want ritaline because we like being easily – ooh look, there's a funny article over on the Onion, KTHXBY!
Holy shit, you must have health care!~
The rest of us have to make do
I AM NOT ADVOCATING DRUG USE. THOSE ARE SURVEYOR'S MARKS.
Birth of a Meme!
Starring Lillian Gish!
"I resent your characterization," he texted angrily from his SUV while driving to his suburban home. Actually, its a Rav4, come on, is that really an SUV?
Sure looks fun and easy on "Breaking Bad". And you get to meet such nice people.
I'm for the legalization of just about every currently illegal drug, but methamphetamine is the one that gives me pause. Man, it's so addictive and destructive to your health, and meth addicts become truly insane. I just haven't figured out how dangerous to society they are. With just about every other drug the real danger is the money involved.
Delay is a republiscum. Republiscum NEVER get what they really deserve. He'll be back in Washington laundering money and giving advice in co time. That's the republiscum way. Embrace the criminal. Keep your stance wide and diapers fresh.
How long until he has a fellowship at a right wing "think-tank", or a commentator gig at Fox News?
That might distract from his current career of getting fellated by Chris Matthews.
I had the same thought. Criminal record, check. Scumbag persona, check. No sense of decency or morality or…sense, check.
As a possible Fox 'talent', he's a shoe-in!
♫♫ America! Fuck…..no.♫
Not only will Hottub Tom not go to jail, he'll run for re-election and win.
What would Brian Boitano do? I don't know. I'll ask him in person when I flee to Canada and let y'all know.
Maybe DeLay could volunteer at a local meth kitchen.
please let him be the mule.
It's time for some 5th amendment remedies!
He's going on TV to play "Double Jeopardy"?
I wonder which washed up fallout from the conservative movement will end up on Dancing with the Stars next. Maybe that dress-up-like-a-Nazi guy? He could do dance numbers to "Springtime for Hitler."
Even if he is sentenced to prison, I can assure you Gubnor Big Chief Pretty Hair Perry will pardon this bitch. But what irony because even if pardoned, he's still a convicted felon so this fucker can't vote. One less fucknut voting Reputard who lives in Fort Bend County, right down the road from another fuckatard, Representative Ted Poe.
Blue Dawg Democrat in Austin
Oh Austin, we love you. Too bad about nearly every other part of your state.
Yeah… But it's a nice state, just populated by assholes.
Can The Hammer be sentenced to intervene with the Westboro Baptist Retards? Maybe we can try and bunch some of the more egregious assholes together so they are more easily managed….or run over. Whichevs.
Maybe we could encourage Tom to attend a WBC wedding? Then we could use one of the Predator drones – they're great at targeting weddings.
Assuming you can find someone willing to marry one of the hateful fucks…
I just assumed that they marry each other like all self-respecting inbred groups.
He laundered with Borax, the soap recommended by Reagan hizself. It smells like clean turds and is good for the environment.
Look at your p's. You must be bad, like Goldilocks.
I'd be up for labeling Man Made Climate Change deniers and their Big Oil/Power/Coal/Auto enablers as threats to national security. Finally, a "justification" for keeping Gitmo open.
How long till Gitmo is a tourist attraction?
We're just working on the catchy songs for the rides – think "It's a Small World" but with more torture.
Maybe we can have a log flume ride like the Pirate of the Caribbean, considering they are already there. A jaunty tune could play while animitronic Marines chase half naked Arab men on a circular track while Cheney strokes/(chokes?) a cat.
As I recall from my last visit to Disneyland, "It's a Small World" is torture enough.
Guantanamera.
Oh now that's gonna be playing in my head all day.
BTW–a million up-thumbs for you.
Yet the U.S. government is ill-prepared to act on climate changes that are coming faster than anticipated and threaten to bring instability to places of U.S. national interest, interviews with several dozen current and former officials and outside experts and a review of two decades' worth of government reports indicate.
And it seems like just yesterday that the GOP disbanded the House Committee on Climate Change. I call treason.
Clearly the CIA is full of liberals who hate private enterprise.
As Monica Crowley stated last weekend, man-made Climate Change has been proven to be a lie once and for all. So we don't need Cap And Trade and we don't need a House Committee on Climate Change.
Meanwhile, in Mississippi, if you're a black woman, an $11.00 robbery nets you life in prison… unless your medical bills start to cost the state too much:
http://patriotsquill.blogspot.com/2011/01/red-sta...
… not to mention "hacking" Sister Sara's AOL email.
Dear Serolf_Divad:
Franklin and I could not agree more with your comment.
What is important in an "armed robbery" conviction is the dollar value of the property stolen, not the threat of death or injury that might result from the perpetrator's use of a weapon.
Had the victim resisted, and been killed by these two poor "black" (or as i prefer, "Negro) women, the fact that only $11 was stolen should have heavily influenced the sentencing. And given solace, of course, to the victim's family.
In any event, we Wonketteers recognize that "All Property Is Theft." So the "victim" was, in fact, the "perpetrator" in the first instance.
Cordially,
Eleanor
He's an outlaw
Quick on the draw
Somethin' you've never seen before
Blame it on the Bossa Nova.
Dear Riley: Don't give up hope yet! America still will find ways to disappoint you!
Yes Riley,
Always anticipate the worst. You'll never be disappointed!
Maybe Delay could do his community service for the CIA who would ship his hammered ass to Peru to hump snow up the hills to replenish the retreating Andes' glaciers.
The judge in Texas won't be able to see the 8X10 color glossies with circles and arrows and a pargraph on the back of each one, because this is obviously a case of Blind Justice.
So quit yer bellyachin'.
Damn, I forgot to play it on Thanksgiving.
Git over on the Group W bench, hippie scum!
To be jailed, it would not have been enough for him to have been caught with some controlled substance or engaged in petty theft: he would have had to relinquish his rank and prerogatives, which is something no one does willingly. It not just being white, it's being part of or serving the ruling class.
These might be the only people on Earth of whom it could honestly be said, that to compare them to Hitler would be an insult to Hitler.
Funny timing that Delay is back in the news right now, given what happened in Arizona on Saturday. I mean, it's only five years ago that he advocated such violent acts.
Or am I playing gotcha politics by mentioning that?
Kos said something that mentioned the word "bullseye" that an anonymous Wordpress blogger was able to photoshop an archery target onto, so obviously he's really responsible, not the right-wingers who used actual violent language.
wouldn't it be nice if a 'gotcha' moment actually resulted in GETTING one of these tools?
Too soon!
"Rich White Guy Probably Won't Go To Prison" is about as shocking a headline as "Poor Non-White Person Sentenced to Life in Prison for Stealing $12"
I really, really hope that enterprising drug producers have contests to see who is fastest at procuring their necessary drug ingredients, so that the participants can call themselves Methletes.
I'm surprised that's not a reality show on MTV already.
It will be now.
Tweaking With the Stars.
The 2011 Winter Methalympics.
So he won't be going to jail. How about hell?
Oh, if Hell only existed!
Alas, it's merely an imaginary source of justice thunk up to keep us from choking from chewing the carpet in rage.
The Bush administration's open skepticism of global warming hurt the intelligence community's efforts to track its impact. A 2007 congressional oversight report found the administration "engaged in a systematic effort to manipulate climate change science and mislead policymakers and the public about the dangers of global warming."
What kind of wicked hamsters run around on the wheels of Republican brains? So, because a loud, well funded minority is skeptical of climate change; (because Jebus rode on dinosaurs), and Republicans are usually at the receiving end of the $$$ to be made, the whole world can literally go fuck itself.
They had the ticks and fleas of reason and cogent thought in their brains exterminated by Tom "The Bugman" Delay.
The loud well funding minority was actually the folks who own the coal fired power plants and coal mines, more so than the "jebus rode a dinosaur" types.
Cheney famously said if a threat had 1% chance of success, we should act as if it's a certainty. But with climate change the near certainty of its occurring was regarded by the Bushies as a 1% possibility.
Now watch this drive.
American banksters have laundered drug money and gotten away with it; why would Delay do time for simply laundering campaign cash?
I can buy a pack of store brand pseudoephedrine for seven bucks and sell it for $40?
And I can do that many times with little effort and less risk?
Riley, you have opened my eyes to the real meaning of entrepreneurship during the final collapse of market capitalism. I can become a valuable part of the meth dealers supply chain and never worry about working or paying taxes again.
Speaking of God Hates Us
Our family likes to sing the WBC Hey Jew song on long car trips.
You know the one that goes:
Hey all you reprobate Jews
God hates you
And you know it
So much for Lennon's legacy of peace. So WBC supporting the shooter makes lots of sense, also. Too.
I prefer Kinky Friedman:
"I could hear that honky holler as he hit the bar room floor,
'They sure ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore."
If Delay does go to work at the Humane Society, it will no doubt be euthanizing unwanted pets.
He would try his well known negotiating tactics for permission to change "euthanize" to torture.
No, because euthanasia involves killing an animal in a painless and humane manner; what DeLay would do would be a little bit different.
He can consult Michael Vick for techniques.
Close: if Delay does go to work for the Humane Society it will no doubt be euthanizing wanted pets.
He'll get a chuckle out of telling 7 year-old Timmy: "Oh, I'm sorry… yes someone did bring 'Buster' in to us yesterday, but we just finished putting him down a few moments before you came by! What a shame. You should have tried get here a little sooner."
Sorry, son! No dogs allowed on the space shuttle. Scraps will have to be shot.
I am shocked that such a poor, tiny dancer won't have to do any time at all. Did the judge even see the show? And those costumes! Talk about blind justice.
Does incarceration for meth use help lower the unemployment rate? If so, WIN.
The American People are demanding an end to the job-killing Obamaphedrine Meth Tracking law!
It's been a banner fucking year at the rich old white men house.
Same as it ever was.
I feel sorry for the poor dancer who had to dance with the Hammer. He probably smells like peppermint candy, mothballs, gin & Ben Gay, all accompanied by a nasty leer & rude & sexually harassing comments.
Tom DeLay invented putting mirrors on your shoe tops.
WBC members are mutants. They are a similar species to the mutants at Jonestown, Guyana. They also share some DNA with David Koresh. These mutants can take something good, like birthday cake, and render it down to a viral slug that spews hate and loathing.
If my cellmate was The Hammer
I'd hammer in the morning
I'd hammer in the evening
All over this cell…
And clammy hands.
I have confidence the CIA will find someone to torture for global warming. After all, we're each and every one of us carbon dioxide spewing terror breathers, right?
Look, you just did it! Good Americans hold their breath. And if that fails…. well you can't exhale when you're getting waterboarded, now can you?
If they felt it was necessary to torture a few oil CEOs, I might actually be willing to pretend it never happened.
I can't wait until Tom DeLay becomes a respected elder statesman, a la Richard Nixon and Newt Gingrich.
Ughhhh, you're undoubtedly right. Next stop Fox "News" and then he'll be brought in as an expert in…something…on the Sunday morning shows. WTF indeed.
Obviously, Tom Delay is a liberal.
DeLay has chosen Senior Judge Pat Priest to sentence him.
Chosen? Chosen? And AP leaves it at that? What the hell goes on in Texas? I don't believe every convict gets to choose their sentencing judge. We got any Texas lawyers here?
Does Pat have a brother named Judas?
No, but his black stepbrother is named D'Frocked.
Sounds like a good deal. I choose, uh, uh, my mom!!!
I'm pretty sure the writer meant to convey that he has chosen to be sentenced by the Judge rather than the jury. In many states defendants are permitted jury procedures on sentencing but can waive it (while in Federal court that only comes in on capital cases, with everything else driven by the US Sentencing Commissions bullshit "guidelines" – the ones that everyone admits hose the poor and minority on stuff like crack v. powder cocaine).
However, I know just enough about Texas state courts to know they are fucking crazy – in civil cases, for example, you can get a different judge for every single hearing/procedure based on whose available (and you don't submit any legal authority until after you make your argument much of the time). So this could be some crazy ass Texas bullshit.
That's correct. In Texas you have the right to have the jury assess punishment, but you can waive that right and let the judge assess punishment.
That decision is usually made by looking up how much you, or your lawyer, gave the judge in campaign contributions. I always figured every $100 was worth a year off the sentence.
Currently nonpracticing Texas lawyer.
Aha, I'm laughing because my interpretation made no sense at all, and yours makes perfect sense. The AP writer could have been clearer.
But, yeah, crazy ass shit goes on in Texas, so ya never know. Thanks.
Being a white conservative is this generation's Get Out of Jail Free card.
(As a bonus, you also get a Bank Error in Your Favor card!)
I got two sodas for the price of one out of the machine this morning, guess I should be happy with that.
Secret Lithuanian rape prison?
The CIA has long been a leader in "Green Ops." After all, both water and wooden boards are totally sustainable!
The American system of JustUs prevails.
Well put.
Please just give him two to three weeks, his Asshole needs some Redistricting.
If we could just require meth use as a condition of DeLay's probation we'd at least get more entertaining dance routines.
Now, how about putting the damn district lines in Texas back to where a (body-armoured) Democrat can at least try and compete, huh??
I don't believe the battle over the damage Delay did in 2001 is over yet and it starts again as soon as the Texas Legislature meets. With Texas getting 4 seats, I'm suer they can find a little enclave in the Houston area to give to Tom Delay.
I doubt it. After the awful election in November, the 2010 Census redistricting is going to make the 2000 Census redistricting look like a model of civic-mindedness. Plus, no tragicomedy from Democratic lawmakers in Austin this time.
Is Jack hung over today, or just not sure what to say in the wake of tragedy?
Yeah, how am I supposed to waste time at work if he doesn't post?
I expect he's out somewhere getting his fartbox tongue-punched in order to take his mind off the horror.
Of course Tommy won't go to prison. He's got at least as much money as O.J. who must be the only black man who didn't end up in prison (at least not for killing someone).
HEY GUISE I HAVE BEEN GONE A FEW DAYS DID ANYTHING HAPPEN THIS WEEKEND
Nah, pretty dull around here.
You can't fool ,me. Meth is a Democrat plot to disable all Sarah Palin voters and increase the wealth of dentists, whom everyone knows are almost all Democrats.
If meth really is everywhere, why I am I not high as a kite?
It's not just about being white, folks, Our beloved white crook ex-governor Edwin Edwards has languished in prison for eight years. Because he took some bribes (who hasn't) and was too nice to black people.
You see? Black people ruin everything.
Oh, didn't know he'd been a "C" St. resident.
gaw! those DWTS professional dancers get some pretty gnarly assignments.
Looking at his profile, I once again wonder if there is some Rightard Rule about inverse relationships between waistlines and chins. This person can't be far out of his forties, yet he appears to incapable of pulling a sick girl off the piss-pot. Media should scrape him off their shoe.
Bug Boy got stepped on, er, sentenced to three years.
Tom Delay just got 3 years!! I have no further info as to whether it's "hard time' etc.
Haha! You're wrong! The bastid is going behind bars. Whoohoo! There is justice. Sometimes.
"AUSTIN, Texas — A judge ordered former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to serve three years in prison Monday for his role in a scheme to illegally funnel corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002."
"I can't be remorseful for something I don't think I did," DeLay said.
I am lacking in remorse. Also. I think I am laughing.
"I can't be remorseful for something I don't think I did," DeLay said.
The judge thinks you did it. So there. Why do you hate America?
DeLay Gets Three Years
"Mr. Delay, meet your new roommate. His name is Sid and you share common interests in the availability of methamphetamines and gay rights. I'll turn out the lights now so you two can get acquainted."
Well, looks like the "Rich White Man" missed his seat on the bus. He is going to jail. For three (3) years. It's nice to see the sys work from time to time.
totally thought it said "rich white Gay tom delay" …i laughed sooo hard!
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