flotus files

Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni Eat Lunch at the Cool Table

That's MRS. Flotus to you ...Our FLOTUS has a new right-hand lady! Her name is Tina Tchen, and she is some sort of robot creature who has a giant clock trapped inside of her that prevents her from sleeping. She runs on energy obtained from the extracted body fat of obese children. She is also from Chicago, because that is the only city capable of producing shiny new staff members for the White House. But Michelle’s new chief of staff is hardly news. The real excitement comes today because our FLOTUS will have another Sexy Gossip Time with First Italian-turned-French Lady of Fashion and Song, Carla Bruni.

Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni will have lunch today, and everyone in the world is waiting on pins and needles to see what groundbreaking developments will come of their meeting, like maybe an unflattering top or the traditional debate over whose job as First Lady is more like living en enfer.

The world’s two most closely watched first ladies — Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy — will meet at the White House for lunch on Monday, a senior administration official said.

Mrs. Sarkozy’s husband, Nicolas, is planning to visit with President Obama, and their wives, who have made their share of headlines together, will eat privately, according to the official, who insisted on remaining anonymous.

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What is it with these ladies? No one can even go on the record to say they are having lunch?

Careful Michelle-Carla observers will remember that their first meeting, in Strasbourg, France, in 2009, turned into a fashion face-off of sorts — at least for reporters, who were eager to deconstruct the meaning of each outfit in an attempt to figure out which first lady had smacked down the other.

It’s not a lunch between women until someone has been “smacked down.” What could Michelle and Carla even have to talk about, anyway, besides who has better shoes? The pea-sized female brain can’t do much else, or it explodes and melts into lip gloss.

Then, last year, two French journalists wrote a book in which they claimed that Mrs. Obama had told Mrs. Sarkozy that life as first lady of the United States is “hell.” Spokesmen for both first ladies denied the account.

The senior official did not have details about the purpose of the lunch or whether it was purely social. Sometimes a lunch is just a lunch.

It remains a mystery why someone would think Michelle could say such a thing. They clearly don’t know our FLOTUS too well, because she wakes up every morning thanking Jesus that she doesn’t have to eat a sandwich or put on a bracelet without either object undergoing some sort of interpretation. That’s the FLOTUS we know and love. [NYT]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

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About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

Hola wonkerados.

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45 comments

    1. Tommmcatt

      And makes it sound classy to boot. Le sodime, c'est drole, mais il faut qu'on ulitilizons beaucoup du lubrification…

    1. el_donaldo

      I swear at first glance I thought the second sentence in the post was about someone who had a giant cock strapped on to her.

  1. LionelHutzEsq

    Just as long as they continue the grand tradition of the wine flavor Jello wrestling session that Eleanor Roosevelt started with Mdme. de Gualle in the 30s, there should be no problems.

  2. prommie

    Flotus, flattus. Who could possibly care what Michelle and Bruni are doing, while Rush Limbaugh is criticizing Giffords for jumping in front of that bullet and interfering with Loughner's 2nd amendment rights?

  3. CivicHoliday

    Being the first black FLOTUS is peaches and cream. Everyone loves shielding their young daughters from blatant racist threats and enduring mind-numbing fashion critiques and being called an anti-American white-hating harpy, right?

  4. nounverb911

    "She runs on energy obtained from the extracted body fat of obese children."

    Is that before or after Dick Cheney drains their blood?

  5. OkieDokieDog

    I think they're going to talk about recording a duet together while they eat cake and laugh at how other world leader's wives dress.

  6. AngryBlakGuy

    …Michelle + Carla = FREINEMIES!!!

    …I cant wait until Michelle flashes her crotch getting out of a limo and Carla gets caught snorting coke in the restroom of some nightclub!!!

  7. DoktorZoom

    Off topic, but I gotta go substitute teach 4th-graders in an hour: Freepers and RedStaters are outraged, OUTRAGED that Barack Obama called for a moment of silence for the victims of the Tucson shootings, partly because he didn't do so after Fort Hood shootings (which he ordered, or at least cheered), partly because he quoted from The Untouchables, and partly because he called for people to "pray or reflect" instead of just pray.

    One Freeper said "We’ve had shootings all over this country, rape, murder of little children, terrorism to many of our people. Why is the shooting of one of the elite setting them on fire? Pure politics and sickening. Truth is, the elites are getting scared."

    Yep, those elitist nine-year-old girls are fair targets.

    1. JustPixelz

      And as one of our wonkette editors pointed out, we have tens of thousands of people die in car accidents, of cancer and other diseases … so why did deaths of a few overpaid NY elites and union firefighters on 9/11 set the Repubicans on fire?

    2. freakishlywrong

      You will have more enlightening conversation and viewpoints from your 4th graders, than any of the hateful terrorists on the right. Obfuscate, claim victim hood, blame the "libruls", so-called media graciously plays along. Wash, rinse, feign outrage and utter bafflement as to "WHY???", the next time it happens.

    3. horsedreamer_1

      They gave a Wonketteer a teaching licence!?

      This is worse than finding out Tesco Vee was a teacher, on the side. (He was known to close interviews with Maximum Rock n' Roll & other such fanzines with this: "Oh, sorry, have to cut this short. Gotta go teach. Does my breath still smell like semen?")

  8. weejee

    Will Michelle be serving Carla real 'Murican food heavy to fats and dead beasts or the broccolini, tofu, and 3 sesame seeds she's been a' pushin' to the kidz?

  9. MinAgain

    she is some sort of robot creature who has a giant clock trapped inside of her that prevents her from sleeping.

    Somebody's been reading too much steampunk.

  10. mavenmaven

    Did the NYT writer really write "Sometimes a lunch is just a lunch."? The origin of that phrase was to desexualize a freudian sexually charged object (ie, a cigar). Was the writer implying that often the FLOTUS and CBS "have a go at it"?

  11. DCValleyGirl

    What I want to know is why exactly the senior administration official insisted on anonymity for telling the reporter about the lunch. How is this a state secret again?

  12. lochnessmonster

    They probably sit and speculate what the stupid headlines will be the next day. "Michelle, do you think they'll focus on our hair or our shoes this time?"

  13. Barbara_i

    I think it would be funny as shit if they were to prank call Sarah Palin and pretend to be two Canadian disc jockeys.

  14. timp07

    Jonathan Trager, promine producer for ESPN, died last night of losing his soul mate. He was 48 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.

  15. horsedreamer_1

    I just hope they didn't have French food. Bruni can get that all the time, & I doubt Obama likes all the fat in it.

    Maybe a gastropub, instead?

    (Aside: when Helmut Kohl made a joint appearance with Clinton in my hometown in '94 (I think) the speculation was which German restaurant would they take in. Instead, they went to Miss Katie's Diner, for a real pot-sticker. Good times.)

  16. Tundra Grifter

    Michelle Obama always eats at the cool table – breakfast, lunch and dinner.

    I'd rather dine at the Blair Burke table.

Comments are closed.