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The Constitution is so hard right now.According to photos on Radar that look pretty legitimate, this is Congresswoman Mary Bono Mack (R-CA), wife of Congressman Connie Mack (R-FL) being macked on her boob by Edra Blixseth, a former billionaire campaign contributor who is bankrupt and said to be under investigation by the FBI for financial fraud. She is also being sued by everyone on earth, and probably one of them sent this to Radar, which is still a thing, we guess. Is it sexist that this is being reported, as that candidate who sucked that reindeer dildo would have us believe? No, it is sexist that we never see photos of people licking the boobs of male members of Congress, because that would be much funnier.

Bono Mack is, of course, the former wife of Sonny Bono, who also used to be a member of Congress before he died. Which is both hilarious and how she got her job. C’mon, California!

With her head thrown back, Bono’s plunging bra is exposed as Blixseth — who now dates Dallas actor Jack Scalia after splitting from her husband Tim in 2008 — is seen diving into the politician’s cleavage with her tongue out.

Ooh! A Dallas actor! How zeitgeisty. You would never know she has no money.

Here’s Bono Mack’s general-election opponent from 2008:

“Several women in the California Congressional delegation were embarrassed repeatedly by Mary Bono’s behavior and conduct in the Capitol and encouraged me to run because of the embarrassment she brought to the legislature,” she told RadarOnline.com after the photographs were described to her.

“I am not surprised that these pictures exist. She has often spoken about going out with her girlfriends and drinking… she has been known as a strenuous partier.”

Oh sheesh, what is the problem with this? There are very few members of Congress that can have any part of their body licked without this brave nation vomiting on sight of it, much less a boob. At least this lady was competent enough not to do her oath of office to John Boehner on a teevee screen.

(Haha, here is a Pareene post we dug up of her half-naked son: “Bonos: Hot!”) [Radar]

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  • comrad_darkness

    Tee hee, Mary married someone named Connie.

    • DamonQM

      I'm disgusted. Picture almost made me vomit.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Tits or GTFO!

  • Didn't Lynne Cheney write this script?

  • SexySmurf

    Mary's tits look faker than Boehner's tan.

    • OneDollarJuana

      At least they're a natural color.

    • chicken_thief

      Fuck! Now he's going to start crying. Again…

    • SorosBot

      There's no way those are the breasts of a 49-year-old without surgery.

    • prommie

      But its a very attractive fake.

      • Rotundo_

        For now, yes, but when she's pushing 70 and those saline funbags are still sittin' high and proud she's going to look pretty ridiculous.

        • jim89048

          I live an hour or so outside of Vegas; the number of granny ladies in a permanent state of nipular arousal is rather disturbing. But hot, actually.

        • OneDollarJuana

          Yeah, but just think. It's Thanksgiving. The stores are closed. You have 10 guests coming for dinner. And you just ran out of salt to brine the turkey. Wait, don't you have some saline solution handy? Why yes! Just a little prick with an ice pick, and hey presto! Dinner's ready!

    • No wonder you have triple digit p.

  • Terry

    "No, it is sexist that we never see photos of people licking the boobs of male members of Congress, because that would be much funnier. "

    Male members of Congress? Like Charlie Rangel? Mitch McConnell? John Dingel? Barney Frank? It wouldn't be funny, it'd be horrifying.

    • transfatz

      John Boehner? Limeylizzie's vagina would be on a one way red-eye to London.

  • V572625694

    Once you go Mack you can never come back. And isn't he the grandson of Philadelphia Phillies owner and baseball legend Connie Mack? Is our country becoming an interbreeding hereditary aristocracy?

    Let's ask Trig right after he takes office.

    Alt-text win.

    • FNMA

      Yes, he is one of those Macks.
      But your question is silly. I mean, besides the Bushes, and the Clintons, and the Pauls, and the Quayles and the…Fuck it. Never mind.

    • whiterabid

      I bet that Bristol Palin Quail will be heir to the Palin political dynasty.

    • Ruhe

      One other question: How can these two be espoused and yet be elected reps of two different states at the same time, states on opposite sides of the country no less?

      • V572625694

        One look at Mary's Palm Springs district, a near-Phoenician-level land-use disaster that only made sense when water was "cheap," would make it obvious that our congressional class never goes "home."

    • charlesdegoal

      Yeah, I always though Connie Mack was a stadium and possibly named after a woman, and that Bono was married to Cher, but that's how much I know. Should read the magazines, I guess.

  • SmutBoffin

    I rate this scandal 43.2 milliFoleys.

    • Worthly Wokette Skum

      If the Bureau of Standards preserved the original "standard Foley" in a refrigerated oxygen-free room, I'd consider a visit.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If you want man-boobs you'll have to consult the Owen Honors oeuvre — because he's adamant about showing us how much he's not into that.

  • deelzebub

    The photos you want of people sucking the boobs of male members of Congress would be gross; those fat fucks boobs are flabby and enormous. Women in Congress have to be thin with nice, firm, perky boobs. That is where the sexism comes into play.

    • SnarkoMarx

      Yeah. Like Rosa DeLauro.

    • court5346

      can you even imagine how repulsive cheney's boobies must look after the weightloss (and death)?

    • Worthly Wokette Skum

      Sexist boob sucking was really what Scalia was defending earlier this week.

  • MistaEko

    Ms. Blixseth contributed a total of 11,500 to the California Republicans and Mary Bono's campaign and only got a titty lick?
    http://www.campaignmoney.com/political/contributi

    I estimate Ms. Bono's rating at a floor of three and a half diamonds.

    • OzoneTom

      "Money is the mother's-milk of politics."

  • Tengu

    I Got You Boob

    • mourningnmerica

      This is what we get for electing gypsies tramps and thieves. Back to you, Tengu. (I feel like I'm in one of those jazz tap dance offs,)

  • bitchincamaro2

    Boob sweat beats moob sweat any day in my book.

    • CapeClod

      You got that right. If there are any pictures of a woman doing this to Joe Barton, I want them destroyed immediately.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        And then do what with the pictures, send them to Radar?

      • Beowoof

        The photos or the woman and Barton? Oh wait nevermind.

  • Not_So_Much

    "known as a strenuous partier" — what the fuck does that even mean? Did she pull a muscle doing coke? Crapped herself under the strain of too many tequila shots? Whatever — she sounds like someone I want party with, then donkey-punch at the end of the night.

    • nappyduggs

      Dude, c'mon. At the very least, let's spare the lady any more dealings with head trauma.

      But that would be really hilarious.

    • sati_demise

      More like, party with and then say you are going to the bathroom and split out the back door-leaving her & her billionaire friend with the tab.

  • horsedreamer_1

    The Bono Mack will make you lap, lap.

  • mereoblivion

    Edra Blixseth is the name of a human being?
    Nemmine, now that I've read the whole story I know the answer.
    Was Sonny's ghost seen fapping in the general vicinity?

    • nappyduggs

      The Beat Goes On, indeed.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Sonny's in hell taking skiing lessons forever.

      "No, Sonny, turn left, left!!" BONK

    • Ramon X

      Is she related to the Lil Abner character, the one who always had a black cloud over his head?

    • doxastic

      Edra Blixseth seems to have been named by a pharmaceutical company.

    • DoktorZoom

      "Edra Blixseth" sounds like a Jedi name.

  • Steverino247

    At least it's a boob being licked and not a boob skiing into a tree.

  • she is showing a lot of brassiere for someone who doesn't work at spencer's

  • bumfug

    "Women in Congress have to be thin with nice, firm, perky boobs."

    Two words for you: Virginia Foxx.

  • Come here a minute

    Total Photoshop job. I'd recognize John McCain's tongue anywhere.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Total Photoshop job. I'd recognize John McCain's tongue Meghan McCain's boobage anywhere.

      • bumfug

        Nah, Meghan's are real.

  • Sheesko

    Looks like bad Photoshopping to me.

    Edit: Hey "Come here a minute" — we had almost the same idea, it seems. Yours was funnier.

    • Come here a minute

      ¡Ay, el estómago!

  • Troubledog

    Sorry, not seeing the problem here.

    Also, can someone still be referred to as an actor if they haven't worked for thirty years? That's like saying "War Hero John McCain".

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, this is the kind of thing that will upset America's Victorian prudes, but really shouldn't be a big deal; and there doesn't seem to be any indication that Bono was involved with or knew about the fraud.

      Now here's hoping this can stay up for over a minute…

      • SorosBot

        Hey one of my disappeared comments has returned!

    • not that Dewey

      or "Beauty Queen Sarah Palin"

      • Sophist FCD

        Human being Steve King.

        • ChessieNefercat

          Was he ever? A human being, I mean. I think he has always just been wearing a "Steve" suit.

    • V572625694

      Wonkette blogger Ana Marie Cox

  • This is NOT what the Founders were thinking of when they outlined "franking privilege".

  • prommie

    I would hit that. the lickee, not the licker.

    • OneDollarJuana

      You know, with the revised photo, are your sure your statement still stands? Oh, wait, since I commented, you can't comment anymore.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    "I've got you, babe…"

    • wegot2dobetter

      shouldnt that be, "i got you, boob…" :-)

  • bitchincamaro2

    Speaking of sucking corporate titties, check out Taibbi's latest rant. It's all about that big orange boob.
    http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/matt-ta

    • Gorillionaire

      Just read that. It is a must. Taibbi is pretty much the only reporter left in America.

      • bitchincamaro2

        Mmm. Jane Mayer, Sy Hersch, Packer and the rest of the crowd at The New Yorker; the late Chalmers Johnson. I'm sure there are others.

        • Yep, gotta agree – and Taibbi is finding is groove and I so do enjoy his screeds but I'm going to give him a few more years.

    • Good stuff, to quote –

      "The new speaker represents an increasingly endangered class of Beltway jobholders who know how to raise money and get elected, but not much beyond that."

      • bitchincamaro2

        I love the opener:

        "John Boehner is the ultimate Beltway hack, a man whose unmatched and self-serving skill at political survival has made him, after two decades in Washington, the hairy blue mold on the American congressional sandwich."

        Hairy blue mold. Precious.

    • Rotundo_

      Great read, I hope his assessment of the tea party types is correct, that they are actually expecting the repubes to *do something* besides line the pockets of the wealthy. Maybe the species is more intelligent in Ohio than what I have seen elsewhere, but I'd bet on Boehner and the usual suspects to do the same shit they've been doing for years and get away with it.

    • Tommmcatt

      For some reason, I can't get into Tabbi. Too ranty. I'd love to buttsex him, as long as he wears a baseball cap, though.

      Have I mentioned that?

  • joobajooba

    I agree. Photoshop. No sign of contact there.

    • Mindblank

      Definitely. No contact, you must retract.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Sadly, much like my sex life.

  • I fucking hate Mary Bono Mack marginally less now. Thanks a lot, Wonkette. Jerks.

  • DeeJayKitteh

    This is news? Who hasn't gotten their boob licked by a felonious millionairess while hanging out in a bar in your bra?

  • V572625694

    "The Blixseths were accused of borrowing $375 million from Credit Suisse Group but took $209 million for themselves as a dividend; Edra reportedly settled two years later for $39.5 million, but only paid $8 million."

    Where can I sign up for this deal?

    • Anywhere deregulation still exists.

    • spinozasgod

      and those 2 mississippi sisters just released from prison for leading a man into a robber of 11 dollars got double life sentences, served 16 years and had to give up a kindey……..seems fair.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Hmm. Sounds somewhat like my finances, if you take off the "million" and then add a decimal point in each figure two places to the left.

      Oh yeah, I can totally relate.

  • PsycWench

    Hmmm….I know little of the ways of Sappho but my experience with breast contact suggests that the target is generally more nippleward.

    • prommie

      That is just a lovely, lovely sentence, beautiful prose. Oh, and by the way, if you have any sapphic curiousity, I could arrange for an opportunity that would allow you to explore it in a relaxed, fun-filled setting. The only big IF will be selling the idea to my SO.

      • Finally, a Republican sex scandal that makes me want the hot sweaty details…

      • PsycWench

        Why thank you…Mr. PsycWench would probably bring himself to allow that..or at least to imagine it in hot sweaty detail.

      • HempDogbane

        That is just a lovely, lovely proposition.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      NIPPLEWARD, HO!

      • nappyduggs

        Wasn't that the Korean version of Steve Urkel?

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's cool that a married couple can both be Reps, albeit from districts on opposite sides of the country. Just which one do they live in?

    Connie Mack is a jerk. Also.

  • EdFlintstone

    …."a former billionaire campaign contributor who is bankrupt and said to be under investigation by the FBI for financial fraud", that could be any non-hoveround republican donor.

  • DemmeFatale

    A baseball cap with chandelier earrings? UGH!!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Timber Barons are known for their man and lady woods, not their keen fashion senses.

    • DahBoner

      It's an old Finnish midwife custom…

  • chicken_thief

    Nip slip or gtfo.

    • Radiotherapy

      Have you ever met my friend, Harry Areola?

  • taylormattd

    so how old is that hot Bono boy now? Legal yet? Yum.

  • HempDogbane

    "I had a farm in Africa…"

    • fuflans

      i would give you more p's for that if i could.

  • So instead of Obamacare the ReThugs are recommending using boobs as tongue depressors? Is this to try to finesse Medicare payments for Viagra et al?

  • Gorillionaire

    Did not know that California Republicans were all that into U2.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Mary's favorite U2 song is Shadows and Tall Trees.

  • DahBoner

    Everyone knows that sucking on boobs is an old Finnish midwives' trick: http://www.theage.com.au/world/doctor-says-he-suc

    • bitchincamaro2

      I loves me some "unorthodox procedures".

    • mourningnmerica

      I once boned a chick to diagnose what her fucking problem was. It's a legitimate tool.

  • voodooeconomics

    Does not qualify for the "licking breasts" segment. Tip of tongue on top of tits(i like that actually)has no porn value whatsoever.
    In a manly grading system of masturbatory uplifting this one does not reach a scale of 1.5. It would require huge amounts of brain resources to picture this one out..Forget about it

  • sportshort

    A slow boob day here at the snark park.

  • L188188

    I WANNA BE A STRENUOUS PARTIER!

  • mavenmaven

    I suppose this wouldn't have worked with Cher.

    • not that Dewey

      Or Chastity.

  • slithytoves

    I'll speak for all those silenced today – what the fuck has been going on? I'm gonna have to go home and puke out all those comments I couldn't post. Okay, I'll drink excessively first, but still.

  • user-of-owls

    You'd think after going to all that trouble to get the top-secret sex-change, Hans Blix would have put a bit more thought into his alias.

  • GregComlish

    Oh come on guys. Everybody is at least a little bit Blixsethual. Are you honestly trying to tell me that you aren't even the slightest bit Blixscurious?

  • jjdaddyo

    I knew that was Mary Bono I saw last year at Coachella, high on Four Loko and skunk weed. She threw her panties at Jay-Z.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    You all just don't know your history. If you watched Glenn Beck and knew the truth about America, you would know that they didn't sign the Declaration of Independence until July 5th, but instead celebrated by licking Ben Franklin's Man-Boobs on July 4th, 1776.

    This was well known until the Progressives took over in the 1900s, and used their propaganda to make people think that the Founders were literate and able to sign their names. Although, truth be told, Teddy Roosevelt enjoyed his boobs being licked, in keeping with the older tradition.

  • Is this from a key party?

  • Weenus299

    Mary Bono, quite possibly the stupidest congresspersons ever, excepting her late dead corpse beat-goes-on husband.

    • Radiotherapy

      Katherine Harris weren't too smart neither.

      • Weenus299

        Neck and neck. Or, tongue and boob. Whichever.

    • V572625694

      And yet Sonny wrote at least one (sort of) good song, "Needles and Pins"

    • ttommyunger

      You are correct-0.

  • spinozasgod

    Republican family values in action….apparently she gets a lot of action.

  • Radiotherapy

    Talk about the rich suckling at the government teat.

    • lochnessmonster

      Hahaha

  • Radiotherapy

    You think that's bad, you should have seen when Bono Mack's flag-lapel pin got stuck in this ladies tongue ring. Repug-donor comedy ensues.

  • GOPCrusher

    I fully support their right to lick each others breasts, if they so desire. I consider myself a vagina-friendly commenter.

  • charlesdegoal

    That new picture raises a number of issues. I'm confused.

    • Jukesgrrl

      I'm confused, too. In the photo I'm seeing, the lickee is wearing a nametag that says "Hello I'm Bob," not Boob or Bono. And he sure doesn't look like any of the many women Sonny married. He does, however, have a bazoom in the Dolly Parton range.

  • jus_wonderin

    But, we saw the boob already. Do we have to give back some synapses and electrons?

  • fuflans

    oh my. i hope we don't have to go into the weekend with the new moob image forever seared in our collective unconscious.

  • This boob-job has pulled a Boehner.

  • el_donaldo

    Married to Sonny Bono, and then married to Connie Mack, with a half-naked Bono spawn, hit on by an Edra Blixseth (who happens to be under federal investigation)? There are just so many layers of repulsive that it's hard to stay focused on the licking breasts angle.

    • jus_wonderin

      Use your outstretched hands, thumbs up, as a directors frame. It frames the scene and gives a artfull reason for looking….on the pic that was removed. Not this one.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Really, I thought the hands were supposed to be curved, as if holding a cylindrical object.

  • SorosBot

    Also too, fuck Radar.

    • Like they own her boob?

  • Steverino247

    Tell Radar that the estate of Hedy Lamarr is going to sue them for using Radar without her permission.

    • GOPCrusher

      Hedley. Hedley.

      • Steverino247

        What are you worried about? This is 1874! You'll be able to sue HER!

    • DoktorZoom

      As will Gary Burghoff.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    See, this is what happens when you get rid of Don't ask, Don't Tell. First it was the Captain of the Enterprise. Now Radar. When will you all realize that John McCain was right (at least, one of his positions on DADT was right!)!

  • Sophist FCD

    Because a talking snake convinced a lady to eat a magic fruit 5000 years ago. Geeze, why do we keep having to explain this to you wimminz?

  • Chez and Chaz? Sheesh. If Sonny had another kid would it have been Chiz, Choz or Chuz?

    • DoktorZoom

      Jizz.

    • Don't give the Mama Griz any ideas or she'll shit out another dozen.

  • Radiotherapy

    I know. What is this? Talk about a congressperson getting censured…Or maybe it's that net newtit reality they was talking about.

  • Jerri

    Joke's on YOU Radar! I already saw the picture!

    And…it..can't…be…unseen. So I guess the joke is actually on me. Damn it all.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Ha, ha!

      </nelson muntz voice>

  • Radiotherapy

    I am here to tell you I was here when the Twin Towers were taken down!!1!
    I saw the tongue fly into them!!1!
    One 8/11 NEVER FORGET.

  • Guppy06

    Republicans: check!
    Donor: check!
    Lesiban sex: check!

    So where's the bondage?

  • lochnessmonster

    "Strenuous Partier" is an interesting phrase.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    Hey Radar, stop being such a douche or I'll get you in trouble with Colonel Potter!

  • Walkinwiddaking
    • Jukesgrrl

      Wow, when Radar calls someone "sleazy" that's really saying something. I think Billionaire Blixseth needs to pay off everyone who saw this photo. Then we'll never tell. Amirite?

    • Beowoof

      That is a much better picture, the one that is up there now makes me wonder where the flannel shirt is.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        I'm totally confused. The one on the left of the diptych is MBM, right? If so, pretty hot in a round puddin' face sort of a way. The one on the right with the offset Botox crazy eyes… not so much so.

  • MiniMencken

    Please note the word "bono" is almost a part of the common name of a gregarious, highly sexualized species of primate known as bonobos. Is this fortuitous? I think not!

  • Mrs. Mary Bono Mack, Mack, Mack. Bra of black, black, black. With sliding tongue. Down her front stack.

  • smokefilledroommate

    ♫♪ Boob licked by a lay-day ♪♫

    • fuflans

      oh and now i WILL have that song in my head for the rest of the weekend.

      but that's actually ok.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Wait…There's ANOTHER Connie Mack in Congress? And I guess he uses his father's female-sounding nickname because people actually naturally call him that, and not because of the name recognition factor.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Just the name he goes by on Rentboy.

    • T_Party_Pickens

      He shortened it from Aloysius Szymanski

  • Auntie_Spinster

    Last time I was in MBM's office (yes, I am a constituent) I advised her to watch out for the trees. It wasn't so much an Earth First remark as a warning.

  • PublicLuxury

    I love to have my boobs licked. I can't think of anybody that doesn't like to be licked on their boobs. I even enjoy being licked elsewhere too, also.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Even when thinking about Sonny Bono?

      • Beowoof

        Ow that relate makes my eyes hurt.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          It burns…!!!

    • ttommyunger

      DETAILS!

  • randoracer

    Wait … Bono's got lick-alicious boobs? And he's a Republican? And a woman? And lesbian? Man, this shatters all the myths I believed about U2.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    For a year in college doesn't count, either.

  • Mrspanky

    My hero, former Florida State Rep, Bob Allen (R – FL) innocently offered $20 to blow a black cop in a Titusville, FL public bathroom. The cop wasn't hip to Bob's desires and chose to arrest him, instead.

    I can understand how signals can get crossed, even if the intentions were innocent and in good fun.

    • Beowoof

      My understanding of that situation is that he was only trying to make sure the park was safe and thus he offered the black cop $20 to blow him because he thought he was clearing the park of riff-raff.

  • ttommyunger

    Boobs aside, all I can say is this Bono broad is in a three-way tie with Palin and Bachmann for Dumbest Cunt of the Year. I mean she is fencepost dumb.

    • Beowoof

      I don't know that is a pretty tall order to be dumber than Palin and Bachman and a little lesbian licking would only solidify the male voters.

  • mourningnmerica

    Heading should be "BLITZED MACK LICKED BY BLIX"

  • transfatz

    After reading all the comments I remain confused by that image. A big guy is glued to a model of the Hindenburg and another guy is nuzzling up to the side of the zeppelin. Both guys look kind of sad. The big guy's name is Bob.
    I think it must be my dial-up connection.

  • edywin2

    I got boob babe! (Repeat incessantly till end of song)

  • JackObin

    That is the most disturbing photo I've see. Well, second most. The first was undoubtedly George Bush holding his Yale diploma.

  • vulpes82

    Since he's for-sure legal now, I have to say, that half-naked son? TOTALLY HAWT! He can run into my tree any time.

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