Struggling Rudy Giuliani May Run For President To Keep 9/11 Relevant

A man who famously lived in New York City when 9/11 happened and then made a living off the fact that he got to touch the 9/11 death heap, Rudy Giuliani, is said to be considering running for president, just like everyone else. This is of course a bad idea if he actually wants to win , because as 2008 showed, it is impossible for him, despite all the 9/11 trivia nights he won at Iowa bars. But he doesn't actually want to win; he just needs to be talked about again, because the fact that nobody pays attention to him is hurting business. "Nobody is paying $100,000 to hear the same warmed-over 9/11 speech. His speaking fees have dropped as well as his consulting fees," somebody told the New York Post . As good a reason as any to run for the job.

"He has previously said he would not run again, but he wants us to think he will," a different source said. "He's not being talked about among the Republican contenders, and his ego can't take that."

Others say that Giuliani is positioning himself as a Republican nominee hopeful to leverage a cabinet position, or even a nomination for vice president because his previously lucrative business has slowed.

This is all wrong. What Giuliani needs is another 9/11. He needs one badly . The problem is predicting where it will happen, so that he can on the scene and walk around the pile of dead office workers and firefighters and such. Somebody tell him the next time they're doing a 9/11. He'll get on the first flight over there! [ NYP ]