the fly-as-eff dogs of war

Nazis Were Obsessed With ‘Hitler-Mocking’ Dog That Wore Sunglasses

In the middle of World War II, the Foreign Office in Berlin commanded its diplomats in the Nazi-friendly Nordic country to gather evidence on the dog, and even came up with plans to destroy the pharmaceutical wholesale company of the dog’s owner. […]

“Just months before the Nazis launched their attack on the Soviet Union, they had nothing better to do than to obsess about this dog,” Hillenbrand said.

The dog, Jackie, was a mutt owned by Tor Borg, a businessman from the Finnish city of Tampere. Borg’s wife Josefine, a German citizen known for her anti-Nazi sentiments, dubbed the dog Hitler because of the strange way it raised its paw high in the air like Germans greeting the Fuehrer with a cry of “Heil Hitler!”

It is totally not addressed in this article that this dog wore sunglasses, like it wasn’t a big deal, but you should definitely click through to see the AP photo of this dog wearing sunglasses, basically telling Hitler to go fuck himself.

For the Nazis, this was their Poochie, moment, we guess. Thank you, sunglasses-wearing dog, for saving humanity. [AP]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Comments

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  • exmartinette

    He was only following odors.

  • el_donaldo

    I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did you say that Steve King is secretly obsessed with the Taco Bell spokesdog?

    • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

      "Yo quiero genocide!"

    • Negropolis

      Unfortunately, Gidget died after suffering a massive stroke in the summer of 2009 at her trainer's Los Angeles home. May she rest in peace.

  • exmartinette

    He vas only following odors.

  • SorosBot

    Did they also try to kill all those cats who look like Hitler?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    'help control the pet population. have your pets spayed or Hitler-ed'

  • Serolf_Divad

    Historians had not been aware of the episode before some 30 files containing parts of the correspondence and diplomatic cables were recently found by a researcher at the political archives of the German Foreign Office.

    Something makes me think this researcher will soon face charges of "sex by surprise" in Sweden.

  • JustPixelz

    WikiLeaks was kinda slow getting this story out.

  • edgydrifter

    Goebbels and Speer thought the dog would really hit their target demographic if they could just make him 15% more final solution-y.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Historians had not been aware of the episode before some 30 files containing parts of the correspondence and diplomatic cables were recently found by a researcher at the political archives of the German Foreign Office.

    Something makes me thing this researcher is about to face charges of sex by surprise in Sweden.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Here, little Final Solution! Does my wittle Final solution want a tweat?

  • elviouslyqueer

    "a witness, who does not want to be named, said … he saw and heard how Borg's dog reacted to the command 'Hitler' by raising its paw."

    Meh, that's nothing. I've taught my dogs to shit on command just by saying the words "Sarah Palin."

    • V572625694

      It's easy to imagine why that witness would want to protect his or her identity, and why the reporter would cooperate.

  • horsedreamer_1

    The inspiration for Snoopy.

  • DangerHelvetica

    The original "Deal With It" dog.

  • V572625694

    Smarter than Alaska: a modest distinction, like owning the most expensive Ford Escort.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Yea, tricked out with a deep fat fryer to cook the Thanksgiving turkey, and mini trucknutz.

    • Negropolis

      The Finns are among the smartest (most educated, at least) country in the world (really), but people don't hear about it. Mostly, because Finland is basically the size, population-wise, of Metropolitan Washington.

      That said, the Finns are alike Alaska in that they have a ridiculously high gun ownership rates. In fact, Finland ranks within the top four in the world on that (along with the United States, Yemen, and Switzerland). Because of this, they also have a helluva lot of school shootings for a country of its size.

      • Failure_Artist

        They also have a lot of suicide. It's tempting to blame the lack of light (everyone gets SAD), but Hungary also has a high suicide rate. I think it's the Finno-Ugric languages causing people to off themselves.

      • zhubajie

        Heavy drinking is the national hobby.

  • HistoriCat

    So the State Department is simply carrying on a fine tradition by obsessing over pointless petty crap while the world goes to hell around them.

  • V572625694

    Every time I get suckered in to going over to HuffPo, I see that sidesexbar story about rudeness being a neurotoxin. Fuck them for saying that!

    • tiger_tree

      The Huffington Post is a neurotoxin.

  • DoktorZoom

    And why are we learning this only in 2011? Simple: Marmaduke is a Timelord.

    (Don't ya get it? It's such a small Tardis and he's such a BIG DOG!!!)

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      I'd rather have a pet Adipose.

  • BlueStateLibel

    It's a good thing Nazis aren't alive today, they'd be really pissed at all the "Hitler finds out…" videos on Youtube. Perhaps one of you enterprising millenials can do a "Hitler finds out dog is mocking me" video to amuse me.

  • MinAgain

    Heel, Hitler!

    • DoktorZoom

      Arf wiedesehen!

  • MistaEko

    The "Cats and Dogs 3" draft script was met with approval, but little enthusiasm.

  • MinAgain

    Is Poland the chew toy in this scenario?

  • Limeylizzie

    I'll be right back after I have somehow incorporated this adorable dog into my French Resistance/Nazi Sexytime fantasies.

  • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

    Hitler was just very sensitive about this because when he was growing up in Austria there was a schnauzer in the neighborhood that was always calling him a "Vienner."

    Tragically, canine slights (both real and imagined) are what turned this sensitive young artist into the monster he came to be.

  • DemmeFatale

    Love the (now) retro sunglasses!

  • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

    The Obama-Hitler dog's only trick is to roll over and show its tummy whenever it sees the color orange.

  • ttommyunger

    Slow day eh, Jack?

    • Jack Stuef

      No. I would still be posting this story if the president was assassinated. Nazis + Dog with sunglasses. C'mon.

  • mereoblivion

    But how did the dog smell?

    • http://thefastertimes.com/absurdnews/ inapewetrust

      terrible! like wet fuhrer.

    • SexySmurf

      Terrible.

      • mereoblivion

        So I suspected. That, or "With its nose."

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Ironically, though, the dog was anti-Semitic.

    • real_dc_native

      Yes but he also a COMMUNIST!

  • tiger_tree

    So does IntenseDebate eat comments for breakfast, or did I get deleted?

  • real_dc_native

    This is actually more relevant than what is going on on the floor of the House today.

  • obfuscator2

    WHO'S A MONSTROUS GENOCIDAL DICTATOR?
    WHO'S A MONSTROUS GENOCIDAL DICTATOR?
    YES YOU ARE! OH GOOD BOY!

    • SecretMuslin

      Barney?

  • arcane_allusion

    Yeah, well you know who else was obsessed with a Hitler impersonating dog?

    Oh wait, I guess this is the one time on the internet that doesn't really "work."

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Dog wears his sunglasses at night
    So he can, so he can
    Watch Nazis weave
    Their assassination plots
    And I wear my sunglasses at night
    So I can, so I can
    Keep folks from seeing tears (of laughter) in my eyes

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hitler later revealed in his autobiography that the lowest point of the Reich was when Jackie said he didn't care about dogs.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    You know what Other Dog wore sunglasses?

    • Negropolis

      Spuds MacKenzie!

  • OneDollarJuana

    You mean the rest of Europe supports Finland while the Finns screech in their faces about taxes being too high? And the Finns' daughters are all knocked up 'n' stuff?

    • horsedreamer_1

      No. But the head of state does resemble a (former) NBC personality.

      Tina Fey:Sarah Palin::Conan O'Brien:Tarja Halosen.

      • charlesdegoal

        I never said prettier. Also, it's Halonen, Halosen is the genitive form or something. And you're flattering her.

  • MiniMencken

    So, it seeming is, Fraulein Wonkette, that you have not looked at the photo of Jackie carefully. That dog is a Dalmation! The Dalmations are a Slavic people, therefore that dog is ein Unterhund. In order for Europe to be properly cleansed and made safe for Die Herrenrasse, the dog must annihilated be! Read your Mein Kampf!

  • MiniMencken

    You know who else is super touchy about joking references?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I used to work with Germans and Finns and let me tell you, they still fucking hate each other.

    • SecretMuslin

      Kimi Raikkonen and Michael Schumaker approve this message.

    • Limeylizzie

      We all still hate the Germans, my Granny , who was a lovely, tiny and adorable woman especially hated them, one of her daughters, my aunt, was a singer and lived in Germany in the 60s and was living with the German drummer of her band , one Ziggy Hauptman, and my Granny always used to say when he called "It's that German boy with the cold Nazi eyes". Never forget!

  • DoktorZoom

    In another astonishing coincidence, it turns out that the dog was only half-neutered.

  • mavenmaven

    and with MUCH better music.

  • WriteyWriterton

    Dogsland, Dogsland, uber allles.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Time to update the Extras section on the Downfall DVD.

  • SaintRond

    Laugh all you want, but I've never met a dog yet who wasn't a Nazi in his heart of hearts. And whatever atrocity you could ever imagine, your dog would approve and even wag it's tail while you were making said atrocity a reality. But cats are even worse, though more sophisticated. While attaching a "Meowlingual" device around our cat's neck, we were also preparing for a dinner party. When the guests arrived, the cat approached me when I was coming out of the bathroom and thus alone and exhorted me to "kill them… Kill them all."

    The moral is – cats and dogs are fucked. And life isn't a joke.

  • kidcanvas

    Seig Heil Jackie !!!!

  • DahBoner

    "Hitler, who owned a German Shepherd named Blondi"

    That's OK. I was obsessed with the personal grooming habits of Debbie Harry.