Constitution Was Violated By Those Who Read It Yesterday, Of Course

Two House Republicans weren't around to strategically hand tissues to John Boehner on Wednesday as the House session opened. That wasn't a problem, because our new speaker was able to compose himself, remembering he had to deliver a full short speech before he could hit the red wine/bronzer celebration cocktails. Unfortunately, this meant these bros, Pete Sessions and Mike Fitzpatrick, weren't actually sworn in yesterday and were pretending to be members of Congress, in violation of the Constitution they so importantly read. Usually that sort of thing will get you shot by the Capitol Police, but they have a good excuse: When the swearing-in was going on, they were holding a fundraiser in the Capitol Visitors Center. Which is also illegal.

The pair watched the swearing-in on television from the Capitol Visitors Center with their hands raised

Didn't we all? Yeah, that doesn't count.

On Thursday, the Rules Committee adjourned because Sessions had made a motion to open proceedings to begin considering the GOP bill to repeal health care reform - an action that can only be taken by an official member of Congress.

On his way out, he likely was high-fived by Code Pink. They hadn't thought of pretending to be a member of Congress before!

A document outlining official allowable uses of Capitol Visitor Center space confirms that fundraisers are off limits. "Visitor Center space may not be used for any fund-raising purpose," it reads on page four, with the underlining in the original. The title of the event -- "Mike Fitzpatrick's Swearing In Celebration" -- makes it clear that the event in question is the celebration of the swearing-in at the Capitol, not the bus trip. The invitation asks for a minimum of $30 but allows the contributor to give more. "Federal Law requires us to report the name, mailing address, occupation, and name of employer for each individual whose contributions aggregate in excess of $200 in an election cycle," reads the invite, indicating that it was indeed a campaign event.

It's really rather quaint that the Constitution requires members of Congress to be present for everything nowadays. We have modern technology now. But more importantly, that stuck-up asshole Constitution should realize each member of Congress needs to spend approximately 16 hours a day fundraising for their continued election to their office, even on the first day of their term of office.

That is what democracy is all about. Not this "making laws" stuff that preppy-ass elitist Constitution won't shut up about. OOH, LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR ORNATE, RANDOMLY CAPITALIZED LANGUAGE. DID YOU GET THAT AT J. PRESS? [ HuffPo ]