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'Black magic operates most effectively in preconscious, marginal areas. Casual curses are the most effective. 'Whoa what even happened in the House of Representatives today? Those dudes are trying to prove they can read? Very fancy. Our special U.S. GOP Terror Threat Alert Robot can also read, with her mind, which is a computer chip from a spaceship. And the Wonkbot TSA-1138 has now been programmed to read the Facebook page of John Boehner. It is almost like if someone had sex inside your ear, plus you had died a while ago, from Obamacare.

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