House Republicans are making a good start on not doing much of anything for the next couple years by their reading the Constitution. How could a Teabagger oppose such a thing? Oh, right. And oh, right, our president was born on the other side of the globe in Kenya, not on the other side of the globe in Hawaii. Somebody yell about this!
“THE CHAIR WOULD REMIND PERSONS IN THE GALLERY THIS IS A BIG FUCKING GAVEL. IT IS BIG. IT MAKES A BIG SOUND. YES, YOU WILL MAKE NEWS HEADLINES JUST LIKE THE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS WHO YELL IN HERE. BUT AGAIN, THIS IS A BIG FUCKING GAVEL, AND IT SEEMS LIKE IT MAKES MORE NOISE THAN YOU.”
Can’t we move on to the actual issues facing our nation, such as CURRENT babies who are trying to become president illegally? [YouTube]
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Civility is dead in America,
He was going to wait 'till the part that defines Obama as 3/5 of a person, but the excitement overtook him and he couldn't hold it any longer.
Being half Kenyan, he's technically only 3/10 according to Scalia.
And an illegitimate bastard to boot, because, well, of course that marriage couldn'ta been legal.
As Justice Scalia would note, the Constitution never says you can marry people outside your race. If the Founders had intended that, Jefferson would have put a ring on it!
To infinity… & Beyonce!
In fact, given that his American half was female, he may simply not exist at all.
The Birther probably freaked when they skipped that part. (They did skip it, didn't they, with their "as currently amended" interpretation?)
I just came across this and…holy mother of fuck:
They're not actually reading the Constitution of the United States: they're reading a document that whitewashes our racist history!
Those fucking cunts….. the snark elides me. All I can say is: THOSE FUCKING CUNTS!
Better yet, this from Mexican cock-smoker Steve King:
Fucking cunts indeed. Moronic, racist, jizz-eating, knuckle-dragging fucking cunts, the lot of them. King, especially.
Agreed, but save some bile for the rest of the year, it's so fucking early!
I don't think this crowd is in danger of running out of bile. Tact? Yes. Cash? Most definitely. But bile? Friend, we got stockpiles like survivalists got spam.
Limited authority to do anything Congress wishes to regulate the economy, and whatever is necessary and proper to carry out that regulation. That's not exactly all that limited.
I mean, hey, it's not like the very people who wrote that clause used it to create a socialistic nationalized bank or anything.
The Bank of the United States in 1791? Hmm, that would make Aaron Burr the original teabagger. He was pretty good with vintage firearms.
The same numbnutz who pull this shit.
Link fail: http://thecelebritycafe.com/feature/new-edition-h...
First off, who counted the number of times the "N-word" is used?
Gettalife!
Second, the whole idea is that the book is TAUGHT! That's what schools are supposed to do – TEACH.
Geez – why shouldn't some half-baked editor take a chainsaw to what has to be The Great American Novel – or, if you go with Moby Dick,, one of the Two Great American Novels…
Strangely enough, as a raving Twain fan, when I heard the editor, Alan Gribben, interviewed on NPR the other day, I was surprised to find myself agreeing with his motivations. The new edition is intended for sale primarily to schools, for classroom use, and Gribben says he undertook the project because, in its original form, Huckleberry Finn is disappearing from high schools due to controversy over "that word." I've had black students who just plain hated reading it, even though they understood that Twain's intent was satirical. Yes, of course it's a far better book in the original form, but the new edition does have an introduction that discusses the controversy in some depth, and even Gribben says that he urges people to read the full text. But if it's a choice between students reading bowdlerized Twain and not reading Twain at all, then I can live with this, even if it's a decidedly imperfect solution. Then when I get 'em in college, we'll read unexpurgated Twain with side dishes of Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, and Richard Pryor.
So the 13th, 14th and 15th amendments will all be there to correct portions of the Constitution that they seem to believe doesn't exist. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
I hear you SD, I couldn't agree more.
The President is Near?
Pardon my while I pull this thing out.
It's the feral version of Kumbaya.
I saw a birther in my American Standard this morning. It was singing that 70's song with the line "'cause you're myyyyyyyyy anal baby."
Then Boehner cried when I flushed.
Speaking of Boehner, why wasn't he presiding over his little constitution storytime?
He was out smoking a couple of packs of Barclays. I have concluded his weeping is actually from all the smoke in his eyes.
Now, if he was smoking Morleys, we'd really have reason to worry.
1960. Rosie and the Originals.
But the teabagger doesn't believe the signed, notarized, official Hawaiian birth certificate that's been online for years now. Why does reality hate faith?
Yes, but Obama still hasn't released the special birth certificate, the kind that doesn't actually exist but the birthers pulled out of their asses.
Maybe Mr. Obama's mistake was not first placing his Certificate of Live Birth into a Baggie and then waving it around like a dead rat.
Snort! Fabulous image.
Hey, Boehner. You all used those birthers and fundy Christians during the election, but those people don't disappear after the ballots are counted. You hugged them close to your chest and they are yours forever.
Sorta like herpes?
But louder.
Herpes is preferable.
Boehner's gots ANCHOR BABEEZ!
TeaBaggers: You didn't really expect Boner to phone you the next day…
Did you?
Doesn't matter where our Urban president was born. The Founders sure as hell didn't recognize Hawaii as a state. (Or Urban people as people, for that matter).
Read the Constitution people!
Did the islands of Hawaii even exist when the founders wrote the Constitution?
No, they were Sandwiches. Mmmm, sandwiches..
Spam sandwiches?
Well, it is the South Pacific, and Spam tastes closest to well-seasoned human flesh.
Or so I'm told.
wonderful spam
Of course they did. Where did you think God put all the dinosaurs?
They also didn't recognize Alaska, Arizona, or… well, Panama.
Panamanian strong-man Juan Mc Cain has just crushed his Navy fighter into the Capitol dome, as part of a coup.
Read the Constitution
peoplesheeple!Fixed.
Reap what you sow, Repub assholes!
That's what Joe Wilson would say, if he could form complete sentences.
Galations 6: 7-8. It's in the Bible, they should know it well.
They won't accept BO's birf certificate but most of them have no problem accepting the deranged and obviously forged, plagiarized and straight up pulled-out-of-some-lunatics-asses-hundreds-of-years-after-the-alleged-facts scribbling as the inerrant word of God. They don't make me nervous at all.
fucking major win…gonna send this exact quote to all my fundie relatives, for Xmas (since I couldn't stand to actually be there with them, waiting for the first drunken brother-in-law to ask for Barry's BIRF CIRTIFICUT!)
This is the first full day of the wacky 112th. I repeat; the FIRST full day.
Pointless display of Patriotism after wiping asses with the Constitution for 8 years? Yep.
Shouty birther? Check.
That is all.
throw in morganna the kissing bandit and the 3:16 rainbow wig guy and we can call it a day.
Look–there goes a streaker!
No — that's Enrico Palazzo!
You forgot to add that during this most Important and Reflective moment in American congressional history, that the new Weeper of the House held a fuckin' press conference.
Get in, sit down, buckle up and hang on, it's gonna be a hellava ride…at least Wonkette's future is guaranteed for next two years (can we haz stock options NOW?)
hahahahahaha Bring on the big ass crazy, here we go!
Some make some popcorn and gin…
Freeeeeebiiiiiiiird!!!!!!!1!111!
I invented that, you know, ironically screaming "play freebird" at bands. It was 1979, at the Shipwheel in Brielle; I thought I was quite the wit, coming up with that.
Shouty motherfucker just suffers from retard tourettes. Cut her some slack.
I don't understand why they don't quit screwing around and just yell "N*GGER!". Everyone knows that's what they mean, so Man Up and stand by your convictions.
The Congressional Record will redact it to "slave."
I thought all these after-birthers had died in apoplectic fits by now. Give me the guy's name and 30 minutes and I will create a birth certificate saying HE was born in Kenya, or Ethiopia, or occupied Japan.
Make it Nigeria and him the heir to a great fortune.
This is one of my favorites, from way back when the birthers started: http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/the_t...
I miss Jesse Taylor.
He still posts every once in a while, but it seems like Pandagon is mostly just Amanda Marcotte these day.
There's an app for that
I'm really COUNTING on them to all be gone by May
With all due respect, in the most unparliamentary language, fuck you, Repubuchristobirthtardbagger.
FUCK. YOU.
The Birther was immediately presented with the Orly Taitz Courage Award by Worldnet Daily
That US Army doc was going to hand it out but he's tied up at the moment. And for about the next six months.
But Frank Pallone's been a dickhead for a long time right? While I admire his fortitude it's clear he's a Johnny-cum-a-lot-ly to the birther crusade. He should go back to his standard method of disempowering minorities: pretending they don't exist.
Actually, Pallone is one of the good guys.
Mike Simpson R Idaho was presiding. What? Is Idaho even a state? No. Its a potato. (notice no E) How can you have a member of the House of Representatives representing a vegatable, and a tuber at that?
'Cause it's Super!
Yes, the gentleman from New Jersey, because the gentleman from Virginia is being escorted out.
And yes, may the teabaggers yell and scream from the peanut gallery for the next two years.
Good thing Jazzies can fit through standard width doors. But are the vending machines filled with pork rinds? If not I fear our teabagging 'friends' will quickly lose interest in practicing their patrioticy screamy screams in the halls of Congress.
Maybe Congress should just spend the rest of the session reading the Constitution or "The Pet Goat" while random assholes shout random bullshit from the peanut gallery.
Most productive session of congress, evah!
And the bible, yeppers that scenario would probably suit the Rep. side of the aisle just fine…kinda like fiddling while Rome burns.
The "Help us Jesus" was the best part.
In California, we sing "Help me Rhonda, help, help me, Rhonda."
Which makes sense…at least Rhonda sometimes helps out.
Oh, yeah, and they spent like a million dollars doing this, too.
Oh well, still better than giving it to the super-rich, I guess.
The super rich will keep theirs, thank you. That million probably came from some socialist jobs program. Or something. Also.
See, they're already saving us money.
The woman yelled out "Except Obama, except Obama, help us Jesus!" as Rep. Frank Pallone (D-NJ) read the "natural born citizen" clause of the Constitution.
Next we'll have Minute men re-enactors brandishing muskets from the galleries.
Wait, it was Michelle Bachman that was screaming?
Sharron Angle will lead them in.
Bringing guns to Congress? Then they'd be accused of being Puerto Ricans.
& yet another reason to scold Lebron.
Book em Boehner
You know, Birthers, when even the other Baggers find you embarrassing, you may want to reconsider your position, or at least opening your mouths.
I'm suggesting that Barry wear a George Washington style wig for the State of Union address so he look more like what the Birthers think a president should look like. Knee breeches too. Also.
that would definitely help liberals create and push out some anchor babies…
Don't forget the wooden teeth. And the syphilis.
I think we can dispense with the syphilis. The Tuskegee experiment showed conclusively that our swarthy brethren are quite resistant to infestations of spirochetes, at least for a while.
"he look more like what the Birthers think a president should look like"
sooooo… whiteface?
I'm suggesting that Barry wear a George Washington style wig for the State of Union address…
Nah, fuck that. I think he should bring a phalanx of SS agents armed with high-powered tasers, and the first muthafuqa to scream interrupt him finds the amount of carbon in his body quickly rising to 100%.
"Any of you other bastards have something to say? No? You sure? Good. Now listen up, you bunch of moronic assholes. The state of our union…"
going all o-ren ishii on their ass.
Replace SS with either Fruit of Islam or Public Enemy's S1W & I'm cool with this.
Flip-flops. Gotta wear flip-flops. Yes, even with kneesocks and breeches.
Oh, and whiteface. Tambien. When he's done powdering his wig (no, that is not a sex act…that I know of), he can use the rest for his visage.
Hey, wait a minute, Frank Pallone is a Democrat! He's not ALLOWED to read the Constitution!!!!11!
"That is a worship word. Yang worship. You will not speak it."
I knew that this tardfest reminded me of something! Where was Shatner today???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b56e0u0EgQ
Hahahahaha! Excellent.
Shatner? He's Canadian! Blame Canada!
I would have thought with this new bunch of Teabagging legislators that the gavel would have been replace with some sort of firearm. The wimpy gavel pounding could be replaced with a couple of rounds fired into the ceiling.
Mr Neilist, would you be so kind as to suggest what kind of weapon is appropriate for this type of formal occasion? Thanks in advance.
AK-47. When you have to kill every motherfucker in the room–accept no substitutes.
A blunderbuss.
Don't bring a gavel to a firefight.
Won't be long now before some of these 2nd amendment baggers start using that remedy, when the filibuster and the veto thwart their desires.
A "guest of the House"…why didn't Joe Wilson think of this before?
See, because any sane person would just be shouting: "Where'd you get that stupid haircut?" every time any Republican got up to add his two centavos to the Constitution…
My old rep is the one leading this whole thing and he totally signed onto that birther bill. He needs to give big ups to his homies and applaud the gallery!
Once the Supreme Court appointed a president against the expressed wishes of the American people, we lost it, though there was hope that if Obama's victory was too big to steal, maybe we could get the country back. Once the blessed court upheld the right of Citizen's United to buy the election through misleading the stupids, we were doomed. Now are only hope is that the stupids rise up against the stooges for not being stupid enough. I say we on the left need to either (a) buy guns now or (b) high tail it to Canada for a few years and let them fight amongst themselves.
I prefer the drinky drinky weepy crashy route myself.
My financial planner has just got me into a guillotine fund.
Shotguns and big dogs. That'll keep them off the property (GET OFF OF MY LAWN, chapter 2). Until I can figure out a way to high tail it to Northern Europe. Or New Zealand. Or…
Can they bring in guests to read portions? They should totally roll out a string of Native Americans, decedents of slaves, and maybe a Muslin or two. And have the bill of rights performed by Akon.
Bring in Morgan Freeman and Graham Greene, they'd class things up.
I'm holding out for Gilbert Gottfried. That guy could rock the Constitution, yo.
"E Plebnista!"
Acapella
You know what they say about a man with a big gavel…
He is compensating for something.
Happy wife?
Going to Bankok?
No wait, that's a different setup…
If you don't scream 'Help us Jesus' at the top of your lungs from the gallery during a session of Congress, you're just a poser. Also, Jesus hears you better.
I think Jesus is all "Jesus. These people."
He is all knowing. And He sees into your heart. That is why you have to pray loudly.
I fail to understand these wingtards. If Obama and Bush weren't different colors it would be hard to tell them apart.
From the gallery came a mighty roar: TRUCKNUTZ !!!!
Maybe they should just read from the script of the episode of The Brady Bunch where Dad comes home and says that they are ALL going to Hawaii? Yeah, THAT Hawaii! It's a state in America, albeit a far away and grossly expensive one.
Expensive or not, I'm ready to move to HOVE, play Ukulele in some dumpy box lunch deli and keep my methlab neighbors off my lawn while I drink away any thoughts of the mainland.
Somehow I assume that if it's far away all this idiocy won't bother me near as much.
It's the new "The Sheriff is a Ni*** DING!"
Authentic Frontier Gibberish!
Pardon me while I pull this thing out…
My only explanation for the last 3 years is that we're living in a modern remake of Blazing Saddles.
My precious Constitution says these goddamn christians have every right to yell that.
Pretty likely of Vietnamese descent, which raises all sorts of interesting possibilities
Vietnamese descent or Vietnamese immigrant? It's the Michelle Malkin syndrome.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I cannot wait for the hilarity that will ensue when it comes time to vote to raise the debt ceiling. Set up a rotted vegetable stand outside of the Capitol and a person could retire from the sales.
Got Deflation?
Well, there's your 2012 Republican presidential nominee.
Seems we upset a birfer fundie wackado sucky baby who decided to thumb the lot of us down. Awwwww…
Whenever I see that I just go down the list giving a point to everyone except the trolls.
What kind of a chicken troll does such a terrible thing? COME OUT, TROLL, SHOW YOUR FACE AND LET US SMASH YOUR WEAK, RIGHTTARDED OPINIONS WITH TEH FACTS AND TEH SNARK!!!!
Or are you, like most of your Cheeto-bellied compatriots, a weak-kneed coward?
Welcome to today's episode of "Whack a Troll!"
Jesus Christ. Fine minds and all, Manchu.
Think our down-fisting troll is at it again, it is so jealous that we're the wives.
Is that how my pee lost a point in three seconds, or is the algorithm just unfathomable?
I like how these assholes mistrust and "fear" their government until said government erects religious symbols on government property. Then, they're all "Well, it's the government and you should behave yourself. After all, it says 'Gott mit uns' on my belt buckle."
Why does this eye-talyun Pallone hate Reel 'merkins freedumbs to rebel-yell like a jackass?
I like the fact that citizens in the gallery are not allowed to approve or disapprove the proceedings of the House of Commons. One wouldn't want the Great Unwashed to be able to express an opinion to the their employees, who are most obviously our betters.
Oh, I see the Troll Fairy is coming thru, thumbing us all and stealing our pees!
Little bunny foo-foo, (hold up two fingers)
hopping through the forest (bounce your hand up and down)
Scooping up the field mice, (make a scooping motion with hand)
and bopping them on the head. (slap top of fist with palm)
(Spoken)
Then down came the Good Fairy, and she said:
Little Bunny Foo-Foo, (wag forefinger – "no-no")
I don't wanna see you (wag forefinger – "no-no")
Scooping up the field mice, (scooping motion with hand)
and bopping them on the head. (slap top of fist with palm)
(spoken)
I'll give you 3 chances,
and if you don't behave,
I'll turn you into a Goon!
Hey, trolling fuckwad: thumb me down if you hate Jesus!
Hey Lie-bruls – this is offtopic, but how do I put a pikcher into my profile – I'm too bussy reedin the constitutooshun too figger it out
After the reading of the Constitution,
Boehner passed out the big checks from Monsanto, Big Oil, Banking and Financial services, the Health Insurance Industry and Pharma et al to his Republican friends right on the House floor!
A good time was had by all……
Congressional Record entries we'd like to see:
"The Chair wishes to inquire whether the vocal member of the gallery knows how much damage it would do to this gavel if said gavel were to come into sudden contact with her skull.
"Without objection, the Chair advises the spectator and all others that the answer is …none whatsoever. Not a bit.
"The gentleman from New Jersey may resume."
I have this book of strange newspaper clippings done by National Lampoon that has one from the Canadian Parliament of something similar. "The chair recognizes that the gentleman from the opposition is a scumbag" and so on.
well, i'll say this: the self-important and self-serving revivalism around an archaic and nebulous document isn't exactly without precedent in the crazier parts of the country — and by crazier i pretty much mean everything in the collective muffintop below the mason-dixon line. if only the constitution made jesus the superking of proud murrica, declared all unborn babies to be beautiful angel souls, and qualified the gays as freedom-sodomizing nightmare abominations, they might be able to bring some snakes an' shakes into these pre-session proceedings!
Interestingly enough, they did correct these constitutional flaws in the Confederate Constitution.
OK libruls, recite the Constitution 100 times on the blackboard until you prove you love baby Jesus/George Washington as much as us.
Maybe at the next reading, they can include all that stuff about slavery.
Joe Wilson still at it, eh?
Come on, you big, tough Republicunts. The Dems let Joe Wilson off easy after his tirade; this bitch should be hanging by her heels over the reflecting pool by now.
I am reminded of an old 3 Stooges episode. The Stooges are hired in as plumbers at a posh home and somehow manage to attach water lines to the gas and electric supplies. The cook watches water filling an overhead light bulb until it shatters and water pours out.
At that point the cook gives the big eyes and states"This House sure done gone crazy!"
Amen brother, amen.
And so begins Day One.
When do they get to the anti-Muslim part of the Constitution? I'm not watching until then.
How do we know that Sarah Palin isn't a Canadian (or Panamanian for that matter)?
Picture of Cao in action. http://blog.cleveland.com/nationworld_impact/2008...
Her blog http://gotheavensbailout.blogspot.com/
Crazyass crazy posts that make no sense. Apocalyptic rantiness. WorldNutDaily quotes. Big messy sign in sloppy handwriting. Yep, definitely teabagger material. And an asshole. Also.
After reviewing this video a dozen times, I've come to the realization that the woman was actually screaming HELP US CHEESE SAUCE. Which, of course.
Blessed are the cheese makers, for they shall inherit the Earth.
mmmmm cheese sauce…
"YES, YOU WILL MAKE NEWS HEADLINES JUST LIKE THE MEMBERS OF CONGRESS WHO YELL IN HERE."
Well, if THEY do it… then again, they all get socialized government health care…
Meet our next FAUX news expert!!!!
To paraphrase my fav, Elvis Costello; "I used to be disgusted, now I WILL be amused." Dasandman was right..it is popcorn and Hendricks time….
Well Johnny, you brought the crazy bitch to the prom, so now you gotta dance with her.
Theresa Cow. heh.
But see, the Asians are the "good minorities" to the real 'Murikans; because every single one of them is quiet and good at math, and the women are all submissive.
And they make kick ass mail order brides for conservanerd patriots.
So now we know what Fucktards scream when they come.
Hey relax, man.
"Natural born" is just California stoner dude lingo for domestically-produced hyrdroponic, as opposed to imported schwag.
The Orange Clown and his Gallagher hammer reign over the fanatical teatards. Good luck Mr. Weeper, you’ll need these tissue for your duration.
I want to find a video clip of when they read Article 6 and see if anyone was paying attention.
Did anyone ever watch D W Griffith's Birth of a Nation, possibly for a film class? Does anyone remember the scene where the proud white country boys burst into the senate and find that the recently elected blacks are jumping around on the desks?
Yeah, well, clearly the opposite has happened.
Was Hawai'i mentioned in the bible, you people? Even once?
I rest my case.
Maybe in the Book of Mormon, at least. Did Jesus include Polynesians in his ministry to the New World, following the crucifixion?
Congressman Simpson says: Don't have a Cao, man.
Don't have a Cao, man.
I'd pay to see a bunch of birthers in the gallery point to the Republican side of the aisle, and creepily chant "One of Us" in unison.
You broke it, you bought it, fuckers. This is your monster, Dr. Frankenstein.
2011, Repugs sworn in, 2 seconds later–it's completely okay to be batshiat crazy. I can't believe how fast they are imploding. Dumpster babies, poo-pooing the CBA report, reading the redacted constitution? God, I need a stiff drink and a fallout shelter.
Palm of the hand's the best cut.
DZ: Thank you for a thoughtful response. I can't agree with you. By the time students get to high school they can handle it if it is taught properly. If it makes some students uncomfortable, perhaps that is the idea.
I'm not Black. I used to run around with an African-American friend who called me "N" because that's what he called all his friends (and I was his only White one). Just to be fair I tried calling him that a few times but it just never felt right so I quit.
The fact that a great book can be difficult – in my mind – just makes it all that more important that we teach it correctly.
Yeah, I really find myself going back and forth on this–my real preference is for the unexpurgated version, obviously, and you're absolutely right that any effective teaching about the book must include Twain's strategic use of That Word. And I think Shelley Fisher Fishkin is right in her NY Daily News op-ed piece:
So, yes, I'm honestly torn between my love for Twain as he deserves to be read, and my sympathy for readers whose understandable resistance to being smacked over the head several times a page (as one girl in a junior high class put it) prevents them from seeing what Twain was really getting at .
I dunno–maybe this new edition should be kept in reserve as a backup for students who request it? And even then, I'd still want to focus on why the expurgated book exists at all.
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