Happy new Congress! First order of bizness: Let’s stop Mexicans from ever having a dream of a better life for their children! “More than a country, America is an idea.” An idea thought up by white people. Nice try, Mexico! The American Dream was thought up by white people, and if you try to have it too, that’s a violation of INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, and our white businesses have great lawyers who can find and sue you for trying to steal it for yourself, brownies. Steve King is on the scene! “We need to address anchor babies,” he said yesterday, excited to get his bill concerning this issue on the floor right away. “This isn’t what our founding fathers intended.” Thankfully for Mexicans, the founding fathers created majority rule and a balance of powers just so crazy people like him couldn’t get bills like these passed.
King’s measure would amend the Immigration and Nationality Act, ending automatic citizenship for anyone born in the country. Instead, the measure requires that only the children of citizens, legal immigrants permanently living in the country or immigrants in the military, be granted citizenship.
Oh it would, huh? In what century would it do that? The nineteenth? Yeah, it could probably get passed then.
Your editor is having a bad day and doesn’t want to deal with making any more jokes about this idiot asshole. So let’s just say, “Fuck off, Steve King.” Alright? [Politico]
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Leave it to those who LUUURRRVVEEE the Constitution as much as these shitstains do to make the first law they draft be directly unconstitutional.
14th amendment:
"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside."
There's less wiggle room there than the second amendment.
What's going to be funny is watching how King tries to justify the constitutionality of this proposed law, given that the GOP is requiring that all proposed legislation provide a justification for its constitutionality.
"The Constitution is not that long. The operating manual for a Toyota Camry is more than five times longer, so it should not be that difficult,” Bishop said.
At least he didn't say Prius.
"The Constitution will suddenly become en vogue again” in the next House, Bishop said.
Wait. Is that French? Rob Bishop — if that's his real name — is an impostor to being an American.
Being able to read an operating manual for a Toyota Camry doesn't mean you know how to drive.
However, the Constitution doesn't have a stuck accelerator, unlike the Republican Party, gas pedal to the floor, brake foot up their ass, transmission firmly in reverse.
you deserve more pee for that!
I think his name is pronounced: roh-BAIR bee-SAHP.
But Scalia says that only applies to the Blacks, not the Browns. If only Mexicans had been slaves!
The ones unfortunate enough to have worked for my grandmother pretty much were. I think my allowance was more generous than their "living wage" and my allowance wasn't shit. I could get like a candy bar, or a comic book, but not both.
It certainly didn't take the Republicans long from their grandstanding Constitution reading to trying to blatantly violate that very same Constitution.
It's just cover. Like Mark Foley sponsoring COPA or Larry Craig's anti-Clinton diatribe at the height of the Lewinsky messiness ("he's a naughty boy, he's a nasty boy, he's a nasty, naughty boy").
There argument is that since they are illegally here, they are not subject to the jurisdiction of the United States. This is my argument when I take down a liquor store: Since it is illegal for me to rob the store, the police have no jurisdiction over me.
Hey, it works at Guantánamo, it oughta work here.
Loving it (or even lurving it) and understanding it are two VERY different things.
Esteban King come mierda.
Esteban tiene su cabeza en el culo!
Le duele la membrana. Le duele la cabeza.
¡Chupe mi verga, culito Rey! Pinche chingado.
Esteban King, come un saco de penes ligermente saleteda de la rata del veneno..
I wish I spoke Spanish. But like most lazy slob Americans I am uni-lingual. I suck.
not exactly sure but I think Caveman is telling Senor King to eat poisonous rat dicks…close enough?
Claro que si!!!
The cold, dead eyes of Steve King.
"Though others have called for changing the 14th Amendment, King said that ending birthright citizenship through statute makes sense because it’s easier to do."
The cold, dead, and seriously stupid eyes of Steve King.
T
It would also be "easier" just to nuke Mexico. Or King's house. Or do nothing at all. Ever. Clearly, "easier" is not the overriding motivation for sensible people.
I think Steve King should go do some research on this issue. He can go to Guantanamo. The holding place? No, no – that's Gitmo. We'll send him to Guantanamo and then bring him back. Eventually. Maybe.
Rather than changing the Second Amendment, which is hard, we should just charge $1 million tax on every bullet, which would be easy (and balance the budget).
I thought the crazies were going to be too busy dry-humping the Constitution all day to be wreaking any substantive havoc?
They finish quickly.
Why do you think they call them Minute Men?
Weren't most of the Founding Fathers anchor babies themselves?
Oh no no. They were descendants of persons who were divinely ordained to come over, tame savages, and mold the country into a shining beacon of liberty and justice for rich Christian white folks.
If by "anchor babies" you mean "persons divinely ordained to come over, kick savage ass, and set up a country overseen by rich white heterosexual Christians," then yes.
Actually not. Geo W'ton and Young Tom 'efferson were born here, fdr instance. Remember the Brits started the colony at Jamestown in 1607, which gave them 169 years until the Declaration.
Hamilton was born in Bermuda or Barbados or communist Cuba or some other foreign shithole. To a prostitute also, I think.
Didn't stop him from founding countries.
The Founding Fathers intended for black people to be slaves. That's why some non-founding sons came along and changed the Constitution. King Steven knows you can't change an amendment with legislation. Maybe. I guess.
You sure he knows it? Lotsa these repukes don't score so high on the smart-o-meter.
This is all Obama's fault. He could easily direct their attention away from all this crazy shit by just boning an intern.
"just boning an intern"
That's the Speaker's job.
Where do I apply for that internship?
Even better if she's white.
At this point, who could blame him? Maybe a cute goth chick who's all bad attitude – they could smoke together, crawl into a bottle of vodka and cuddle, take cool pictures of each other at the congressional cemetary dressed like Count Chocula…
He could use a break, is all I'm saying. (My fantasy intern would give the press the finger in every picture.)
Give him time. Based on his general direction lately he's headed there.
Steve King is scared shitless those anchor babies will be converting the ADM stills to makin' mescal with the little psycho worms and riding white horses named Mescalito all over the place.
In 2023, they will change the name of the state to 'Ayajua'.
OT & Blue Light Special
Teh Michele haz been tapped for a seat on teh Howz Intelluhgents Ctte.
I wouldn't mind tapping that either.
Ewwww.
GOP determined to rule by oxymoron.
Today we are all oxymorons.
House Intelligence Committee? Well, I suppose you could say she has the intelligence of a house. But that's not the particular inanimate object I would think of, if someone asked me.
Please do not ever use one L Michele and "tapped" in a sentence again – I got the worst fucking visual (pun intended) EVAH!
I thought you had to be kidding.
If we thought Wiki leaked, we ain't seen nothing yet.
Damn! I was hoping that she was going to get on the Darryl Issa Commitee of Investigating Meaningless Shit.
Well he's right that birthright citizenship wasn't the intention of the Founding Fathers.
It was the intention of the post-Civil War reconstruction Congress.
Scalia says otherwise – and his opinion is the only one that counts.
Remember, "Jack Stuef," your readers are here for the comedy. The bitter, bitter, comedy.
"Thank You, Jack Steuf, for the fibre-optic LULZ that you gave me".
shit, I over slept, ….. can I still get a burrito?
Yes, but you'll have to dodge the crazed gunman's bullets.
They're called 'freedom wraps' now.
Good thing most Canadians are of European descent, or they'd be next. They're up there shivering with their socialism and gun control, just waiting to sneak across the border and steal our freedom.
Not sneaking. BUYING their way in. You don't know how many Canadians have purchased the Arizona condos that have tanked in price. And those Canucks are so innocent, they don't know they'll have to wear bullet-proof vests to go out on their new balconies.
It's 2011! Who will be Wonkette's new King Of Comedy–Steve King or Peter King? Steve King with a brilliant pratfall out of the gate! It is on, motherfuckers!
I'm waiting to meet the new cast of characters. They need to be encouraged to speak their minds.
I haz the confused? Which King is the crazy one? BOTH of them? You're shitting me!
Maybe they're inbred — like all those European kings.
Puleeeeze! Don't scare me. Two of these numbnuts is more than enough, no breeding; in or otherwise.
I may be deluded, but last year Peter King actually did something for his district when he was pushing for the 9/11 responders' bill. Steve King only tries to fuck people over. I've never heard of him doing anything at all productive.
Peter's recent pandering to the “fear the Muslim” crowd put him in the shitbag category in my book.
Larry King; Carole King; Rodney King; Rape of Nan King – hell they all look alike to me..
Don't forget the King sisters, Suck King and Fuck King.
Let's let the Iroquois, Chippewa, Wenatchee, Snoqualmie, etc. in on this discussion, no??
Okay but not the Fugawes or Sosumes.
Well, maybe not the Snoqualmie tribe. They point their outdoor casino concert speakers out over the Snoqualmie Valley, blasting washed-up one-hit-wonders for miles, but no-one in America can do anything about it because they are a sovereign nation. We wouldn't let a foreign country blast bad music at all hours across our borders, would we? Oops, I forgot Mexican radio stations. Never mind.
If only during the 1846 US America War with Mexico that the US America decided to keep Mexico instead of taking parts of what is now Kaliphonya, Nevada, Arizona, New Messica, etc then there wouldn't have been this problem.
Oh right, brown people.
I don't know if you were being glib or serious, but in point of fact, the reason we didn't take over all of Mexico was because there were serious concerns among the Southern caucus of diluting American democracy with Mexicans.
During the Mexican American War there were three Congressional camps : Northern Hawks, Northern Doves, and Southern Racists. The Hawks just wanted America to kick ass and own everything. The Doves just wanted American to be a peaceful, prosperous nation. The Southern Racists desperately wanted more territory in which they could extend slavery, but they definitely didn't want any significant numbers of Mexicans becoming citizens and voting. The Southern Racists were the swing vote that sided with the Hawks in declaring war but then sided with the Doves to limit our territorial gains to relatively unpopulated regions.
Winfield Scott had conquered most of modern-day Mexico including Mexico City and Puebla (the 2nd largest city). USA could have stretched all the way down to Guatemala if not for the fucking South. In retrospect, the Doves should have sided with the Hawks just to stick it to the Racists, but hindsight is 20/20.
And that's why it's so important to teach our children that the South was all about States' Rights. Damned Northern oppressors!
We are a nation of ignoramuses.
Lincoln, Grant and most of the original Republicans were against taking all of Mexico because they believed it was a plot to extend slavery. But if they were here today, they would see it differently.
Senator John C. Calhoun of South Carolina, who had approved of the annexation of Texas, was opposed to the annexation of Mexico, as well as the "mission" aspect of Manifest Destiny, for racial reasons. He made these views clear in a speech to Congress on January 4, 1848:
[W]e have never dreamt of incorporating into our Union any but the Caucasian race—the free white race. To incorporate Mexico, would be the very first instance of the kind, of incorporating an Indian race; for more than half of the Mexicans are Indians, and the other is composed chiefly of mixed tribes. I protest against such a union as that! Ours, sir, is the Government of a white race…. We are anxious to force free government on all; and I see that it has been urged … that it is the mission of this country to spread civil and religious liberty over all the world, and especially over this continent. It is a great mistake
Thanks for reminding me that It's great to have a Gov. that can pronounce California now.
(Of course, I have to revise my party act.)
What a fucktard.
~
It could work without changing the constitution if you passed a statute declaring illegal aliens to be "foreign territory." It's a totally implausible illogical argument with incredibly deleterious ramifications for law enforcement and the rule of law generally. Consequently, the Roberts court would eat it up.
You know what else John Roberts eats up?
I like the cut of your jib, sir; positively Scalia-esque!
Would that mean if you're doing your Mexican girlfriend missionary-style you need a passport to climb on? And then to climb off again?
¡Sí!
Judging from the photo, King is not wearing a flag pin. (What is that thing on his lapel?) I'm beginning to doubt he's a Real American and question his sincerity on any of this stuff.
Well, he is wearing a stars-n-stripes colored tie, which is much larger than a lapel pin. However, I believe the lapel pin represents the school where he convinced a kindergarten girl to not have an abortion. Real Americans stand for stuff like that!
Thats his member of congress pin. My wife called to relate that Shelia Jackson Lee, the Congresswoman who was detained and hasseled by the Capital Police when she was not wearing her pin was the member who read " They shall in all Cases, except Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace, be privileged from Arrest during their Attendance at the Session of their respective Houses, and in going to and returning from the same; and for any Speech or Debate in either House, they shall not be questioned in any other Place."
Thanks for the info on the pin, and especially for the Jackson Lee story.
Hey, "King" is a Scottish and English name! Where's the birf certificate?
King has a point. Citizens are protected by things like minimum wage and OSHA. They can vote too. As I learned from my close readings from the Founding Father, it strengthens democracy and social stablity to have permanent brown underclass who can pick our vegetables
Also, do you think we want to spray our citizens with pesticides? Only as a last resort I say.
Is anyone else having problems with intensedebate today? I've had several replies I made, although not new comments, vanish into the aether.
That happened to me yesterday. Usually they show up after I make a follow-up comment involving telling intensedebate to go fuck itself with a herpes-infested Mexican (sort of like the ones Steve King uses to pleasure himself).
It's just weird, and annoying. The odd thing is that they do show under "up on my profile, but that's it.
Now to see if this goes through…
That has been happening to me for awhile. Well, like a week.
It seems to be back to normal, but still is odd. I went and redid one of my vanished, which I had attempted to post twice; and when I did, the two old attempts popped back up (deleted now); then one other vanished comment came back on it's own, but only after someone else replied to the same original comment.
I've also seen a number comments where the "replies" count is completely wrong; I wonder if that's from other people having similar problems.
Maybe you're just not being intense enough.
Ever since they took Four Loko from us, it's been a struggle to get thru the day.
or he's debating a tad too much?
It didn't.
Now S'bot, you know full good and well that Wonkette doesn't allow comments. Also, too.
Each submitted comment is carefully examined by a team of editors selected for their wit and ceaseless dedication to crafting the perfect blog comments section. Sorry that your comment didn't make the cut, but perhaps you'll try harder next time.
Anyway, that's what I told myself when my comment disappeared.
For what it's worth, I've been notified that someone has commented on my comments, and then when I go to look at it, there is nothing. I've also had the comments lock me out a few times over the last two days. Just had to keep reloading to be able to post.
I assume this is all part of being under Republican Rule. Doesn't everything have to now go through Michelle Bachman for clearance before posting first? We wouldn't want any Un-American activities, would we?
Pretty sure the House is going to be having enough Un-American Activities for all of us.
Maybe Wonkbot is trying to shove you aside and become the only bot on Wonkette.
So much for Net neutrality.
Is that a budding pedo stache I see? Nice combover, in any case. I am predicting some page dealio before the end of the current session.
Between the two Krazy Kings, they're out to alienate Hispanics and Muslins alike. I say, get to fucking like rabbits Hispanics and Muslins, and we can vote these hateful, embarrassing douchewads outta here.
This suggestion of restoring el Califato de Cordoba has gotten you put on the No-Fly List, freakishlywrong.
Hope you like trains.
"I had forgotten how flat and empty it [the Midwest] is. Stand on two phone books almost anywhere in Iowa and you get a view."~Bill Bryson
Oh noes, Iowa is hilly compared to Champaign County, Illuhnoise.
BTW does anyone know if the new frosh liason to the ReThug leadership Kristi Noem uses the same hairstylist as Keith Richards, Rod Stewart, and Ron Wood?
That is a great book.
In the words of the inestimable Bugs Bunny, "What a maroon."
But didn't the Founding Fathers sing Anchors Away? Aweigh? Oh, never mind.
"Anchor Babies"?? Really Steve? Who says shit like that?
♫Let the Eeeeaaaggglle Soar♪♪
Racists.
Hey, when I was a kid I loved watching 'Jim Henson's Anchor Babies'.
The only thing I want to read about Steve King is that he choked to death on a trucker's dick in a rest stop men's room on the interstate.
I-80 or I-35? I-35 would be much more appropriate.
I-69. Hey-yo!
That's some Twinkie!
From TPM:
While Reps were reading the portion of the Constitution covering presidential eligibility ("natural born citizen", a feral birther disrupted the proceedings from the Gallery, yelling "except obama, except obama. Help us Jesus."
No link before, there is one now. http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/01...
Show of hands on making this the new "too, also." Meme?
Ex. "Steve King likes to make butt anchor babies at his gym's sauna. Except Obama, help us Jesus."
In bed.
So moved.
It works for me. Duzz it fer yew?
Seconded.
Teresa Cao is Obama's second Political Prisoner. We'll get those FEMA concentration camps filled up in no time!
Yes, Steve King, a dark skinned six year old trying to learn to read is the greatest of our problems right now. I thought the birth certificate was his pet project? So where is it???
Am new to commenting here, but you guys have been cracking me up for a while. Thanks
Don't call me gringo,
You fuckin beaner
stay on your side
of that goddamn river
don't call me gringo,
You beaner.
No me digas beaner,
Mr. Puñetero
Te sacaré un susto
por racista y culero.
No me llames frijolero,
Pinche gringo puñetero.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcwaDYc1IWY
Molotov?
Now why don't you look down
to where your feet is planted
That U.S. soil that makes you take shit for granted
If not for Santa Ana, just to let you know
That where your feet are planted would be Mexico
Correcto!
Choice graf.
Where are the fucking Zetas when you need them?
Yes, Steve King, a dark skinned six year old trying to learn to read is the greatest of our problems right now. I thought the birth certificate was his pet project? So where is it???
I am assuming that Steve King's next bill will be to give all the land back to the Native Americans?
Wouldn't they be grappling-hook babies? Tether babies? Anchor babies are for oceanographic expeditions. Can we all agree? Or should we submit to whatever Mr. King or Ms. Lindsey Graham blows out their anuses?
You forgot jetpack babies from the future.
See, Steve King doesn't discriminate. He hates all minorities regardless of whether or not they're very, very urban.
At this rate, soon we're going to have to use asterisks. U***n.
Oh, Stevo…at some point, can't you just, you know, kind of… fuck off?
In all fairness to Congressman King, it should be noted that this issue is open to interpretation. When the founding fathers addressed this issue in the 568th amndment to the Constitution, which reads, "Sometimes anchor babies are okay if they are cute." they probably should have added "except Mexicans."
Speaking of cute, your avatar is adorable. Don't let Colbert see that, or you'll have to name it Stephen.
King: “This isn’t what our founding fathers intended.”
Washington, regarding the Indian Problem, proposed the "total destruction and devastation of their settlements". Jefferson wrote that "this unfortunate race has justified its extermination". Franklin suggested that rum could be the "appointed means" to get rid of the savages.
These messicans are all 90% native american anyway, does this mean we should just "exterminate" them?
Where do I apply for my gobberment rum ration?
Steve King is a dumb cunt.
Please. The genteel word is "canard".
Guess we better get used to this shit. The only question after this next two years will be which Republican rep is actually the craziest. Will it be King? Issa? Bachmann? Or a Teabagger to be named later?
All of them, Charlie.
I'm laying down some coin on Ralph Hall (R-TX), the new chairman of House Science and Technology Committee. At age 87, he's had a lot of practice being a douchebag and his new position is a minefield of potential explosions. Climate change — BOOM. Cap and trade — BOOM. Medical research — BOOM. Energy policy — BOOM. Communications technology — BOOM-BOOM.
Right, but that was because the largest source of immigration in the founders' day was the human slaves who, and whose offspring, the founders didn't want to have the rights of citizens. As unhappy as Rep. King is about it, that's something we changed, which is why there is a 14th Amendment.
Come on, this is literally the archetypal example of a case where "Hurr not what the founders wanted" is not a valid argument.
"We need to address anchor babies,”
Best way to address them is to make sure that those darn anchors quit having unprotected buttsex! I can't believe sex ed in this country has failed our anchors so badly. Next thing you know all the kids will be coming down with STDs even though they are virgins…oh wait…
Just slab a label on their bellies and dump 'em in the nearest mailbox.
Considering that a major part of Steve King's district consists of meat packing plants that employ immigrants that have children in his district, I would think that Tyson, Farmland, Smithfield, etc. will be sending him a "STFU or the campaign contributions stop." letter.
Perhaps someone should suggest they do that? http://bit.ly/glcOat
I had one of those anchor babies once but they couldn't get a good bite on the bottom, so the boat kept drifting
King represents Iowa. Are anchor babies a big damn problem in IOWA?! I would think his constituents would be clammering for him to focus on issues of importance to them and stop trying to out wingnut the wingnuts in AZ.
EGGzackly. I don't hear Steve King talking about creating jobs in Mexico, which is the only real way to fix the immigration problem. That would take actual original ideas and creative thought, things he sucks bags of dicks at.
If one looks at the picture up on the politico link, and looks at the Bachmann picture, I think we may be in one of those old sci-fi horror scenarios, where we are being taken over by similarly appearing crazy eyed alien body snatchers.
What's with the crazy eyes on all of these loons?
Their eyes are the windows to their reptilian souls.
The last time I saw something like this it was coiled up and making a rattling noise.
'Anchor babies', or jus soli, is something 90% of the world's countries allow: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jus_soli
"Instead, the measure requires that only the children of citizens, legal immigrants permanently living in the country or immigrants in the military, be granted citizenship. "
First they're going to pass this. Then they're going to add something making it apply retroactively, and then bam, Obama's no longer a citizen and they have grounds to kick him out.
Steve King is right that the Founding Fathers intended that there be no further immigration, so unless your people came over before 1776, Steve, go the fuck home.
Now, a good number of the founding fathers intended to continue with the most common form of immigration at the time, the involuntary immigration from Africa.
“We need to address anchor babies”
Send your anchor babies to:
Bristol Palin
69 Foreclosure Court
Maricopulating, Arizona 85239
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