the other victims of rape

Ambassador Fired For Saying Thing About Gaddafi In WikiLeaks Cable

In what appears to be the first diplomatic casualty from the latest WikiLeaks revelations, the U.S. ambassador to Libya has returned to Washington and is likely to leave his post, U.S. officials said Tuesday.

Libya doesn’t like American ambassadors speculating on what Gaddafi does with his “nurses,” it turns out. Perhaps this diplomat will sue Julian Assange now? “The court orders the defendant to give all his wealth, which is like ten chickens and a Santa costume, to the plaintiff.”

Current and former American officials have bemoaned the WikiLeaks disclosures’ potential impact on Washington’s foreign policy. Sources are less likely to approach American diplomats with sensitive information if there is a risk it will end up in the public domain, they say.

Already, there are anecdotal reports that foreign leaders have circumscribed meetings with U.S. envoys, insisting in some cases that note-takers or other American staff be excluded.

Meh, American diplomacy was fun while it lasted. Time to close up shop if we can’t gossip anymore. [McClatchy]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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37 comments

  1. MittsHairHelmet

    Please call the editor of the Wonkette Times crossword and tell him that ‘Khaddafi’ is spelled with an h, and two d’s, and isn’t a seven letter word for anything.

    1. Paul_Tsongas

      Leo McGarry in West Wing, right? i didnt expand the replies yet, just wanted to take a guess

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Sources are less likely to approach American diplomats with sensitive information if there is a risk it will end up in the public domain, they say.

    Well acting like the town gossip doesn't help matters does it?

  3. chascates

    It was probably the speculation that Gadhafi enjoys flamenco dancing that was the real outrage.

  4. SmutBoffin

    Geez, this nation used to do things like kill Ghadaffi's children with bombs, now it just spreads rumors about how likes to hang out with hotties?

    Weak.

    1. SmutBoffin

      Yeah, and creating all of those 'testicular electrocutioner' positions HELPS THE JOB MARKET.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Oh great — what are our diplomats gonna talk about now if they can't mention Vladimir Putin's moobs* or Silvio Berlusconi's liaisons with underage Algerian prostitutes? It would be like if the Huffington Post just covered politics and news.

    *(O/T, but Putin's Moobs was a rejected name for Gerry Rafferty's band Stealer's Wheel.)

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Looks like Bob Dylan. & pulls trim like Bob Dylan.

        How do we know Bob Dylan is not معمر القذافي‎ ?

  6. ttommyunger

    The Town Gossip in Camden, Missouri in the 40's and 50's (pop. 385) was Orrie Sellars. The Orrie Sellars for the World in the 21st Century is obviously the U.S. State Department.

  7. widestanceroman

    Wait until Libya finds out that all State Department computers have the pix of Momer Godiva having lunch ay the Ivy with Phoebe Price ("they were all over each other and they didn't care who saw them") as wallpaper.

  8. JustPixelz

    Interview for Ghaddafi "voluptuous nurse" job:

    Q: Other than Reagan, who is your least favorite President?
    A's: "Truman", "Truman", "Bush — both"
    Q: What's your favorite book?
    A's: "what is book?", "what is book?", "Hooters"
    Q: Can Sarah Palin win the general election?
    A's: "Yes she can", "Yes she can", "Yes I can"

  9. Guppy06

    The only things American diplomacy has accomplished in recent memory are propping up banana republics, finding new places to set up extrajudicial torture chambers, and finding new reasons to kill brown people, i.e. "warfare by other means." So I'm not going to be weeping for its death any time soon.

  10. Not_So_Much

    Unless you're that smarmy, botoxed, man-boobed, British twit Simon Cowell, honesty will get you fired every fucking time.

  11. zhubajie

    You realize that US ambassadors are all dip-shit businessmen to whom the president owes a favor? That they generally don't speak the language of the country they go to? Right now, the US ambassador to Great Britain is some real estate man who gave Obama a butt-load of money early in the campaign. Some years ago, at the time of the spy plane stupidity, the US ambassador to China was some guy who'd been head of the US Chamber of Commerce in Hong Kong and who sorta spoke pidgin Cantonese.

    Not that the "real" diplomats are any better. Paul Wolfowitz springs to mind.

  12. inedalo

    anyone who wins court case against poor julian assange can get two hot swedish girls for his payment.

  13. XOhioan

    I actually think Assange is an idiot for doing a mass release of the documents. Not because of potential damage to our diplomatic relations, but because our media will never get beyond Ukrainian "nurses" and Berlusconi's drinking.
    Pfizer interferes with due process in Nigeria because of botched drug tests—BORing!
    UK training Bangladeshi death squads—YAWN
    Saudi Arabia says bomb Iran, please–WHERE ARE THE BOOBZ?

    1. zhubajie

      Probably the revelations about McChrystal and the bashibachi orgies are still being circulated and laughed at in the various newspapers.

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