Michele Bachmann may have been spurned by the establishment when she made a play for the Republican leadership of the House, but that just made her want to run for the Senate. And now she has decided to “seriously weigh” running for president of the United States. Hooray! She will hold every elected office in the land simultaneously! Bachmann will head to Iowa this month, and has $3 million left in her campaign account. Sure, it’s probably just wishful thinking that she and Sarah Palin will run for president. But let’s wishfully think. As Barack Obama once said, “Hope.”
So any other details besides “a source said so!,” ABC News?
It is not known how soon Bachmann will finalize her decision on whether to seek the GOP nomination for president. Bachmann, the founder and chairwoman of the House Tea Party Caucus, is scheduled to be a guest on ABC News’ political webcast “Top Line” on Friday.
Yeah, you’re right. She’ll probably announce on your Justin.tv thing.
However, Bachmann’s senior staff did admit the Minnesotan is not ruling out a presidential campaign. “Nothing is off the table,” Bachmann chief of staff Andy Parrish told ABC News when asked whether the Iowa trip signaled Bachmann’s intent to run for president. “The congresswoman is excited about her first trip to Iowa this year.”
These damn people. They are just trying to make her followers all hot-flashy and bothered so they will show up en masse to Iowa and throw money at her on the stage. She’s not running for president. [ABC News]
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I hope she does only so she can lose and get the fuck out of mn…
Hey, keep her to yourselves!
Yeah, that worked out real well for Alaska and a certain VP candidate.
I know it's been used before, but I like this one…
Who can be crazy with just a smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem insane?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each rant and every batshit moment you show it
Power is all around, you want to taste it
You can be Preznit, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully sane, girl this time you're all alone
But it's time you started running
It's time you tried to show who's the craziest
Power is all around, you want to taste it
You can be Preznit, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
So Michelle and George kissed while the Husker Du was playing?
And instead of throwing her hat up in the air in the middle of a street in Minneapolis…she throws it into the ring during a speech at Rotary meeting in the middle of Iowa. I see. So…Snowki is her Rhoda Morgernstern, then? Who's her Mr. Grant?
Alt alt-text: Cum swappers.
This kiss took 94 seconds or whatever because she had her ovipositor down his throat.
I had to look up ovipositor.
Icky but believable.
The best example of the use of an ovipositor in real life was in Alien, with the face-sitting incubus, if you recall. Depending on how you define "real life."
Two morons, one cup.
Bachmann is known as Queen Bukkake in the House cloak room. In the Senate it's Lindsey Graham.
Run Baby Run!!!
I've been to Iowa a number of times and they are very fine, hospitable folks. They are also smart enough to know that the crazy does not fall far from Bat Shit Bachmann.
I wonder what is her favorite RNC book club selection?
Duh, Decision Points, which she thumbs through while watching "Fatal Attraction" for the eleventy-billionth time.
We know it's not Burr, although that is the last book she ever read, probably.
Michele knows how to stay on-message – The Bible.
Chuck Grassley's
mere existencerepeated election to the Senate refudiates your assertion that Iowans are "very find" folks, at least not the majority of them. And Steve King's district must be hell on earth.Have you ever seen Steve King (R-Iowa), he of elementary-school-abortion-asking and general Race War psychosis?. A perennial serious contestant for Batshittiest Man in the House?
Oh, Michele's true luuuuuv?!?!
Hopefully, elected to make him leave Storm Lake.
Is Bachmann crazy? Are bears catholic? Does the pope shit in the woods?
Nothing to see here folks, move along………..
That would be sweet… debate after debate of non sequiturs…
As opposed the reasoned and mature discourse that is the norm at presidential debates?
But what if Bachmann and Palin split the crazy/grudgefuck vote, giving Newt a clear path to the nomination?
Hey now, you're forgetting all about Haley Barbour. Forget the two batshit banshees, and bring on the sumo wrestling cage match between these fine Southern fat fucks.
What a dream year that would be: Palin v. Bachmann v. Barbour v. Gingrich. I'd have to watch the candidate debates nekkid. So I could touch myself.
It would be the BEST THING EVER. The hilarity! Omg.
The drinking games would probably finally kill me, though.
And once they've destroyed each other, in swoops Christine O'Donnell FTW
Tawhr Bawhls.
The world's biggest bulldozer couldn't give Newt a clear path to be elected dogcatcher.
No, this time the Jindal train is going to roll all the way to the Whitehouse. Can't you feel the Bobbymentum!
Nope. I have it on good authority that Jindal is pissing off everyone left and right in Louisiana (how's that whole reject stimulus money because of principle, blah blah bullshit, working out fer ya, eh Bobster?). Besides that, Piyush is far too brown and doesn't have nearly the nice rack of someone like, say, Nikki Haley, to make a serious run.
“The congresswoman is excited about her first trip to Iowa this year.”
If she is excited about going to Iowa then she truly is insane.
Try the pork chops, thank me later
I’m from Minnesota. We make Iowa jokes because we’re envious of their corn output.
And their cornholing. Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster.
yes but who has the lutefisk?
tell me about it. i went to des moines once and i will never go back to that giant corn field…
Maybe she's going there to get gay married!?
Haven't you seen her husband? She's already gay married.
Considering a run before Scalia schools her on what the constitution actually says? Putting the cart before the horse isn't she?
She can't run after she talks to him. He'll explain to her that as a woman she isn't a person and therefore shouldn't even be voting, much less being President. The loophole to his whacked-out theory is, of course, to incorporate oneself.
But we can pass laws to permit or *cough* forbid it, right?
I would love this… because I'd love nothing more than to see this woman and Sarah Palin tearing each other apart accusing each other of being "liberals."
Especially if it somehow resulted in her losing her current seat.
Oil rassling or foxy boxing?
My preference would be mud wrestling… in the La Brea tar pits.
Ew; that kind of thing should be restricted to women who are not hideous hags.
They're both Assembly of God worshippers. That's like "Jesus women who can wear pants." As a reformed Pentecostal, both of these bitches are heretical liberals in my jaundiced eyes.
As I recall, that's how Goaulds are transferred to their new hosts.
More like Alien.
Never thought I would say this, but I'd love to know the quitter from Wasilla is thinking…
X
I think you first have to establish that she does.
Thinking? Her? Huh.
“Nothing is off the table,” Bachmann chief of staff Andy Parrish told ABC News
Nothing other than intelligence, veracity and coherent speech. They never got close to the table with Ms. Dumbo.
Don't forget unimpaired reality testing.
Does that mean there'll be a lutefisk eating contest? To decide who'll be the worst possible candidate for the Reptilian Party?
how many more innocent birds have to die for Michelle Bachmann's evil agenda?
Bachmann AND Palin both running for President? Screechiest campaign ever!
Nails and Chalkboard 2012
Nazgul mating in a freight train with seized brakes….
If the Bachmann/Scalia ticket wins in 2012, who would Pres. Bachmann appoint to the Supreme Court?
Alan Keyes is rubbing his hands together with glee.
Appointing Alan Keyes to the Court would leave 2/5 of a seat unoccupied, strictly constitutionally speaking.
And 9/10 of a brain.
that crazy fundie i see outside of planned parenthood
Joe Miller is a lawyer… of sorts.
Also, would Scalia continue to work Clarence Thomas, or would they need to find a new puppeteer?
I believe many members of the Westboro Baptist Church hold law degrees. Seriously, b/c they have to, no outside lawyer would take them.
Joe The Plumber?
Whew, that pic of her kissing the Bush Boy. I mean she likes gay men having married one, so it might be the real thing or as real as those two could get. What if she got knocked up and the offspring had his brains and her looks or visa versa? There is no good outcome of this shocking, publicly flaunted affair, is there?
Who knew a Dominionist could also be a fag-hag.
Ha ha! Bachmann likes to kiss bush!
Obvious yet brilliant.
Can she take a charter flight out of Clear Lake in a snowstorm?
Just don't let the Big Bopper get on this time.
You can be damn sure she wouldn't let Richie Valens on board …
" scheduled to be a guest on ABC News’ political webcast “Top Line” on Friday. "
the nation is definitely moving center Onion.
No, Michelle, run for the Senate seat; that way, you can disappear after the inevitable loss without splitting the batshit crazy vote with Palin and possibly enabling an electable candidate from grabbing the GOP nomination.
Mrs. Bachmann: One "L."
Mrs. Palin: One "T."
She's excited and nothing is off the table? Starbursts at the National Review!!
And anything can happen on the table!
And you don't want to be the one who has to clean that table either.
Some of my favorite books are tables!
Bachmann v. Palin? It's Blunderdome: 2 idiots enter, 1 idiot quits halfway through her campaign and goes home crying about the lamestream media.
"We don't need another zero…"
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
dah dah dah daa dat.
Good, let her run, it'll keep her out of DC and maybe congress can get something done. Oh, nevermind.
How could the nation not take pride in selecting its first GuanoAmerican leader?
If both Bachmann and Palin run for Preznit at the same time? Yeeeoooowwww 0 CAT FIGHT.
Yellow, I think I'll paint the ceiling yellow.
Don't you mean Chinese?
Palin and Bachmann could end up on the same ticket, but that may not work b/c I'm not convinced that they are separate people. Still…could you imagine the attack ads?
Naw. They fucking HATE each other. Mean girls are like that: spiteful, resentful, vindictive, and limitlessly capable of limitless hatred and venom. Besides, Palin's the alpha-bitch in that pack.
Further, I'm not convinced each bimbo isn't actually a man in drag. Either way, it promises high yields in laffs, no?
Look at it this way. If she wins, Mr. Bachmann won't break our streak of 44 First Ladies.
And President Mrs. Bachmann would be the nations first real Merkin to serve.
First Pawlenty – and now Bachmann? That means both of Minnesota's Republicans are running for President.
& Jesse Ventura has been teasing a third-party run.
Sure, to the other cranks at the Nighthawks-like diner in Edina, but, still… NEWS.
Having Bachmann elected President would be the worst thing ever for the country, but also the funniest. So …. let's mount an elaborate conspiracy to make her *think* she's been elected President (it shouldn't be too hard) and watch the hilarity unfold!
Let's call it Project Bachmanology.
I'm also not 100% ruling out a run for the Presidency.
I've been avoiding going down to Iowa because I hate all that damn speculation.
I will take this opportunity to state that I have removed my name from consideration for the Michigan Head Coaching position.
In that pic Michele is clearly thinking: "Come to Crazy Eyes you little bitch".
I could vote for Turner Overdrive, though.
(a little Winterpeg, Manisnowba humour…yes, very little)
the saddest music in the world
<dumped into a vat of beer>
We'll know she's running for prez when she starts composing sentences of noun + verb + "Ronald Reagan is my zombie boyfriend".
"Starts"?
I predict she will win the nomination and choose Mike Turner (R-Ohio) as her running mate. Their campaign song will be Let it Ride.
Don't kid yourself, ever since Kennedy/Nixon the American public has voted the most physically attractive candidate in as President. Seriously, today The Rock would slaughter Abraham Lincoln in a general election.
Well, The Rock does have the People's Eyebrow going for him. But in a wrestling match, I think Abe could hold his own.
Yeah, because he was intelligent and thoughtful, in a gaunt, beardy sort of way.
People would have a soft spot for Lincoln, if only because he reminds them of the guy on the penny.
Well, Minnesota has totally failed to make her go away (I blame the Lizard People). Maybe national level humiliation would do the trick?
Just kidding! We know she and the snowbilly have no shame.
You know, I'm pretty sure there's nothing in the Constitution that says female banshees are people entitled to rights, including becoming president. Scalia can back me up on this.
Now, Scalia would also say there's no reason you couldn't give female banshees rights legislatively, but he's also "coaching" Bachmann's Tea Party Caucus, at her request, to tell them that they can't pass laws except where the Constitution says so, explicitly, because, what separation of powers? So, at least one person in this equation's being really, really fucking disingenuous.
Coleman, Bachman, airport visitor Larry Craig, and Bret Favre's texts. Other than the Coen brothers and 90 below windchills, does nothing good come from Minnesota nowadays?
Dylan, Prince, Franken, the late Paul Wellstone; add in the Coens and it appears for someone good to come from Minnesota they must be Jewish or black.
Gretchen Carlson? Sorry, bad example.
Husker Du?
Minnesota produced the awesome Ana Voog, who by coincidence announced for President last week.
"it's funny, because with sarah palin, the tried to photoshop her nude. you don't have to do that with me
plus i have a child with down syndrome, too. so frickin' what? also, i promise not to wear pantsuits, point at people in the audience like i think i know them."
And:
" i also will never ever say the word "maverick" or "joe six pack" in a speech. i also own guns, i just don't shoot them from a helicopter. i promise to never fake smile or try to be polite if the situation doesn't call for it. i also would eat people like rahm for breakfast."
Dessa and P.O.S., if indie hip-hop is your thing.
Brother Ali. Muslim-y and very, very white.
You can't get more white than albino.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Omaha the Cat Dancer?
So far, the best news I've heard this year. Hilarity (and GOP self-destruction) ensured.
i'm completely torn: comedy potential of the batshit right wing in power vs. actual dystopian nightmare of batshit right wing in power.
how to vote…how to vote…
Since this is wonkette, I have to ask: do you think she gets it in the pooper sometimes?
She is Bachmannn ! Doesn't have one, silly.
So this ain't a case of Baby Got Bachmann?
lady, you can be an asshole too
you might pretend you ain't got one
on the bottom of you…
but don't fool yourself, girl!
it's winkin' at you!
Well, if she hasn't she is about to.
I don't think she "gets it", period; sexually, mentally, politically or otherwise. That would require cognitive powers, something the Lizard People lack.
Yes; you can tell by when her eyes get big.
Just as Tommy Thompson was touted as a serious candidate in 2000, given Wisconsin's proximity to the first caucus state (Iowa), Bachmann will get that kid-gloves treatment.
She will still get knocked the fuck out.
Hell, Vilsack got knocked out before the 2008 Caucus season even got started up.
I love how the chicks are rising up, hoping to snatch back the White House. Twat they don't know is that they don't have the balls to pull it off. I don't want a woman president unless they've stopped cranking their own estrogen. Who the hell needs a showdown with the USSR every 28 days like that? Nope, none of them gets my vote unless they can show a note from the zorch doctor that they've gone 18 consecutive months without riding the cotton pony.
I can see Russia from my menstrual hut!
"Snatch" it back? Har. When did chicks ever have it?
*snatch* it back from the secret Kenyan Muslim.
Bachmann/Pegging 2012!
Gettin' it back there explains her eyes.
Palin/Bachmann debate = ScissorDome (2 go in, 1 comes out).
Hold it!
Bachmann and Palin CANNOT run at the same time.
They are the same person.
When she wants to be Bachmann, she puts on the pearls.
In Minnesota, going to Iowa is not favored under any circumstances, this will hurt her with the local base. Iowa is Minnesota's West Virginia.
That'd be North Dakota, surely?
Put a fork in this woman.
Tea Party Gnome:
1) Impressive rack + Wingnut talking points
2) ???
3) Profit!
I'm looking forward to the Wonkette exclusive Michele Bachmann video where she talks about her Presidential aspirations and how much she is like Ronald Reagan with her agenda against Russia, aliens and gays.
Unfortunately, she is probably seriously hoping for a VP slot.
Which puts her in direct conflict with Bible Spice. Catfight!!!!!!!!
category: RESUME FLOODING
I was thinking that this would be what God does once she wins… and in spite of that rainbow-as-promissory-note thing.
if she wins, it willl not rain for 40 days- the earth will implode- nothing survives- not even cockroaches
Sounds like a Bristol Facebook post.
Please folks…she'll never be anything more than she is right now. May 21st? Hello?
Nothing is off the table – and Michele Bachmann is nothing if not off the wall.
The way our Media hangs on her every utterance, I'm surprised she isn't already the President. If she farts, there are twenty Newsreaders commenting on its resonance, volume, odor, staying power and tonal qualities. This woman desperately needs a good God-Damn Leaving Alone.
I'm voting for YOU for POTUS.
And what have I done to you to deserve such a punishment?
That's private and privileged information between Father Jeff from my church, St Mattress of the Springs.
I, sadly, am more familiar with Mother Thumb and the Four Sisters.
So Bachmannic-depressive is challenging the Snowbilly Grifter in her own game of bilking ignorant rubes of their retirement savings by coyishly flirting with the idea of giving up her endless cash cow for actual responsibility? I can't wait for the inevitable turf war between those two to break out – it will be a cat fight of epic proportions.
I've already ordered the necessary earplugs.
Seriously, how do these people get elected to ANY office in the first place? And what makes them think they're intelligent enough or qualified for any other office??
Does she have Executive Experience™?
I'm seeing a hot lesbian Palin/Bachmann ticket with each murmuring to the other "you're so beautiful" and tender kisses that seem to last forever. And screeching, lots of screeching.
One thing you can say about January in Iowa, it's probably better than January in Minnesota!
Gosh, I can only hope that the Republicant Partee' is stupid enough to have this moron and Palin run on the same ticket. Unfortunately, People like my moronic (female) cousin will voter for her just because "she's a woman and she understands me".
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