DEBASEMENTS  10:24 am January 5, 2011

Robert Gibbs Resigning, Becoming Part of Professional Left

by Jack Stuef

WE GET IT. YOU KNOW OBAMA. SHEESH.We did it, you guys! We defeated Robert Gibbs with our restless coverage of his LEGO-based terrorism when there was nothing else to write about last week! Yes, Mr. Robert Lane Gibbs, famed White House press secretary, is leaving the White House forever, to go work in an actual building like an actual professional member of the left, instead of working in the back of some guy’s house as a favor, which is what he has been doing for the past couple years. But don’t worry! He will “defend Mr. Obama on television—and will expand his presence on Twitter and other Internet platforms.” PROFESSIONAL LEFT! PROFESSIONAL LEFT! PROFESSIONAL LEFT!

He said he has no intention of establishing a political consulting or lobbying business, but he intends to work [as an advisor to Obama] from the same downtown Washington office where David Plouffe has spent the last two years. Mr. Plouffe, who was Mr. Obama’s campaign manager, will move to the White House and work as a senior adviser to the president.

And to help pay rent, they will get a local college student as a roommate, who will alternately infuriate them by spilling beer on their laptops and getting rid of their desks for a place to store his surfboards and teach them an important lesson about having fun.

The leading potential replacements for press secretary include Jay Carney, a spokesman for Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., along with Bill Burton and Josh Earnest, who work as deputies to Mr. Gibbs. Other candidates also could be considered, an administration official said.

That Ellen DeGeneres is always good, Obama. [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 113 comments }

x111e7thst January 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

Ellen DeGeneres? I'm thinking more like Paula Poundstone.

fuflans January 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

oh man that would so awesome.

whpc: 'ms. poundstone why is president o'bama spending five billion dollars to travel to an asian summit with furreigners when he should make furreigners come to us america?'

pp: 'well, i don't really know anything about that but i DO know that, uh, the, uh – hold on a second i have to turn my microphone up – ok now i'm back and i DO know that fred rutherford was the dad on 'leave it to beaver' and rutherford is my cat who is hard to shop for.'

Dashboard_Jesus January 5, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I'd go for CJ Cregg, cuz she's The Jackal (and she's totally hawt!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7H_L5cYkg8

Dashboard_Jesus January 5, 2011 at 11:31 pm

I'd go for CJ Cregg cuz she's The Jackal (and she's totally hawt, and NOT gay?!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7H_L5cYkg8

weejee January 5, 2011 at 10:30 am

So Riley will be getting a new roomie and spilling his beer on Gibbsie's shoes. Huzzah!

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 10:30 am

Obama should do away with the charade of press-conferences & give all his briefings on facebook & twitter. If the success of Sarah Palin is any guide, it's what the American people want.

elviouslyqueer January 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

T

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 12:03 pm

This needs to be a meme.

GOPCrusher January 5, 2011 at 12:32 pm

It isn't?

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 1:06 pm

The above, by elvious, is the first iteration I have seen, outside of the original post.

Jukesgrrl January 5, 2011 at 4:55 pm

I'm for anything that would get Jake Tapper and Ed Henry out of my life.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:45 am

Jake Tapper is married with children.

If he has a single gay cousin that Tapper is welcome on my dance card any time.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:44 am

Yes. Because when Leftovers start cable news shows or radio talk shows like the conservatives do, everyone pays attention.

I can see 2012 from my netbook!

SorosBot January 5, 2011 at 10:31 am

Earnest goes to the White House? And here I thought he was dead.

Pragmatist2 January 5, 2011 at 10:32 am

Speaking as a member of the Amateur Left, we are sorry to lose Gibbs> We are pretty much hopeless and he was pretty funny.

Blendergoathead January 5, 2011 at 10:32 am

Hmmm… Gibbs quits the White House, and Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab – at the SAME TIME.

Get Rep. Issa on the phone, we need to start issuing subpoenas.

Schmannnity January 5, 2011 at 10:33 am

Is Stephen Hawking available?

Mindblank January 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

You'd have to hook up a taser to his chair, which would admittedly be pretty funny.

Moonbatting Average January 5, 2011 at 10:33 am

My suggestion: A chimpanzee trained to fling poo at Chuck Todd

BerkeleyBear January 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

Tapper, too – although I'd go with a silver back lowland gorilla. Bigger loads, stronger arms and the distinct possibility of territorial ass-kicking.

V572625694 January 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

Chip Reid! Ed Henry!

So many douche bags, so little poo.

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 10:59 am

Why? They already splattered his face.

JackDempsey1 January 5, 2011 at 10:33 am

I heard that he and his brothers were unpacking the leisure suits and re-uniting for a farewell tour.
Staying Alive.

harry_palmer January 5, 2011 at 10:34 am

Let's see, whines about leftists, quits in middle of term, takes "new job" screeching on Twitter. No wonder he and Palin have never been photographed together.,

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

&, actually, the roles of 'Sarah Palin' & 'Robert Gibbs' are being played by Eddie Murphy.

Norbit Goes to Washington in theatres in IMAX & Digital 3D Independence Day 2011.

SnarkoMarx January 5, 2011 at 10:35 am

Wait- don't people leaving the federal government's payroll automatically step into high paying jobs at Monsanto/AEtna/Wall Street as a payment for their service?

finallyhappy January 5, 2011 at 10:47 am

I left the Fed gov't and stepped into writing comments like this on Wonkette. I was offered a part time job in Lancaster, PA- I think this wonkette gig is a better idea.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:51 am

Actually if you work in DC in a business where you have clients who are political appointees from some medium sized town in the US who move here for their plumb book job, they will basically tell you they are taking the job as a spring board to a more lucrative lobbying or PR job.

Though it doesn't always work out for them.

Allmighty_Manos January 5, 2011 at 10:37 am

"He will “defend Mr. Obama on television—and will expand his presence on Twitter and other Internet platforms.”

Uhhh, isn't that the press secretary's job?

JoeMamased January 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

In two months he'll be blogging on Gawker.

elviouslyqueer January 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

Two months? Hell, I give him two weeks, and it'll be repeated postings about Lindsey Graham on Fleshbot.

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

Oh, the Calamity!

elviouslyqueer January 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

Dammit, Intensedebate! Quit eating my comments!

Katydid January 5, 2011 at 11:42 am

And giving away our passwords to the Chinese.

SecretMuslin January 5, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Watch out for your job Newell!!

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:52 am

Maybe he'll be on Gawker. A giant tub of fish belly flesh at a nudist camp.

HempDogbane January 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

Mr. Gibbs leaves, to be replaced by a guy with a Real-American name like Carney, Burton and Earnest.

Meanwhile the Republicans are trying to choose between Reince Priebus, Saul Anuzis, Gentry Collins and Maria Cino.

Chet Kincaid January 6, 2011 at 1:46 pm

You got some typos there. The names are Prince Regis, Set Anubis, Planter Vapors and Capri Chinos.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:53 am

The GOP does now have more diversity.

Ruhe January 5, 2011 at 10:39 am

If they aren't considering Jim Harbaugh then the White House is the only organization in the country that isn't looking to hire that guy.

V572625694 January 5, 2011 at 10:51 am

Or the only place Harbaugh hasn't sent his résumé

WriteyWriterton January 5, 2011 at 11:52 am

Can Mr. Harbaugh come back to Michigan? Pleeeezzz! We promise not to suck in bowl games against the real/pre-professional college conferences anymore (SEC/PAC10, 12, 47, whatever).

mavenmaven January 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

Scarlett Johansson would totally take the job, just text her on the blackberry.

JoeMamased January 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

And I would watch every goddam press briefing start to finish.

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 11:02 am

I'd watch even if the briefings were just a cardboard cut-out of Scarlett, with a piece of clothing removed for each 2% spike in Obama's approval rating.

OneDollarJuana January 5, 2011 at 11:50 am

Unemployment rate climbs … what? Umm, I was distracted.

twogoats January 5, 2011 at 11:13 am

Scarlett clearly classier, but the Lindsay Lohan camp has a strong arument: she can match twitter twat with Palin. Johansson too literate.

SorosBot January 5, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Bush almost had a good idea in selecting a hot woman for press secretary, but ruined it because Perino was as much of a moron as him; Scarlett's actually smart and could do the job while making briefings worth watching, possibly while wearing the Black Widow outfit or a low-cut top with a… wait, I've lost my train of thought.

Clancy_Pants January 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

Requirements: 1) Has a pulse 2) Can work the twitter
Optional but desirable: Clinically advanced "Tourette's Syndrome".

GunTotingProgressive January 5, 2011 at 12:10 pm

So, Dick Cheney is disqualified on both counts?

undeterredbyreality January 5, 2011 at 1:19 pm

But he does have the optional but desirable trait. And that sneer.

freakishlywrong January 5, 2011 at 10:41 am

I wonder if he'll be satisfied when he has Canadian healthcare and eliminates the pentagon? I mean, really, he should be drug tested.

iburl January 5, 2011 at 10:42 am

Hmm, let me try and think like Obama for a minute….maybe one of the Harold and Kumar guys or a midwest Republican who seems nice and promises to have my back or Sanjay Gupta?

finallyhappy January 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

The Kumar guy is back -he came back last month according to the WaPo. during his last time here, I saw him walking in Lafayette Square- I think I stared and said " hey, it's you". He didn't answer(he could have said "yes") and kept walking. A few months later, he was mugged on 14th street-guess he didn't answer someone else that time.

neiltheblaze January 5, 2011 at 10:44 am

By Professional Left, you mean "Professional Slightly Right of the Realigned Post-Reagan Center", correct?

I think it would be wonderful if the next Press Secretary was required to wear a clown suit at every press briefing.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:55 am

That wasn't a clown suit?

Monsieur_Grumpe January 5, 2011 at 10:46 am

I will miss Gibbs but I guess the lure of the used car business was just too great.

Monsieur_Grumpe January 5, 2011 at 10:48 am

I vote for the Terror Threat Level Alert-bot Roomba as Gibbs replacement.

Schmannnity January 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

Maybe he can get Chuck Todd to chug on over to namby pamby land.

Badonkadonkette January 5, 2011 at 10:57 am

You can never go wrong with an inanimate carbon rod.

Extemporanus January 5, 2011 at 11:09 am

Eraserhead?

SecretMuslin January 5, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Cheney?

Sue4466 January 5, 2011 at 11:01 am

"Josh Earnest"? That's like naming your kid "Sirius Kidding"

Extemporanus January 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

Yahoo Serious is an Aussie moron.

hockeymom January 5, 2011 at 11:02 am

I want Joe Biden to take the job.
For the laffs.

angryclownspawn January 5, 2011 at 11:02 am

I'd kill to see him interacting with orange crybaby Boehner!

ChessieNefercat January 5, 2011 at 11:39 am

Those jackwagons!

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 11:04 am

In DC & looking for work: Donovan Mc Nabb.

But only make the hire if Eagles fans are given at least five seats in the press gallery.

hockeymom January 5, 2011 at 11:07 am

I think Vick has a better shot at it.

JoeMamased January 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Vick has all the necessary experience: He can pass, scramble AND kill dogs.

undeterredbyreality January 5, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Just make sure Faux keeps their front row seat!

hagajim January 5, 2011 at 11:04 am

"He said he has no intention of establishing a political consulting or lobbying business."

Then what exactly the fuck is he doing? Looks to me like he's doing political consulting for the President – and I'm sure he's now officially graduated to the professional left (from the amateur) where he was before. He'll be on Hardball anytime now….wait for it…

Mumbletypeg January 5, 2011 at 11:06 am

Rahm got a fish as a farewell gift.
I bet Gibbs' fellow Auburn alum Eric Harshbarger can come up with something similar, yet less stanky.

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 11:10 am

Auburn, you say?

Issa has just announced the investigation into White House ties to the Cam Newton scandal. & the cover-up, insomuch as Gibbs leaving the White House in the dark of nite.

donner_froh January 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

expand his presence on Twitter and other Internet platforms

He will post pictures of his expanding girth and multiplying chins as he gets into living the good life.

HurricaneAli January 5, 2011 at 11:17 am

and getting rid of their desks for a place to store his surfboards and teach them an important lesson about having fun.

Is this "R" or "unrated" version? I vote for "unrated." ANTICS! HIJINX!

738838 January 5, 2011 at 11:21 am

I'm thinkin" Skoal Rebel for this job.

HurricaneAli January 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

I was thinking Beau and Luke Hazzard

cheaphits January 5, 2011 at 11:36 am

I was thinking Lil Wayne.

Extemporanus January 5, 2011 at 11:27 am

First Helen Thomas, now Robert Gibbs?

This shit has "burgeoning sex scandal" written all over it.

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 12:06 pm

I saw the video on CumGuzzlingGrannies.edu.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:58 am

Which one was Gibbs?

VicariousMe January 5, 2011 at 11:40 am

How about Bubba? He's such a natural. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ac9uDLUdSs

occams8ball January 5, 2011 at 11:50 am

PERINO PERINO PERINO PERINO PERINO…

horsedreamer_1 January 5, 2011 at 12:06 pm

If she turns Dem, it'll be a… Shocker!

imissopus January 5, 2011 at 11:55 am

That would just be too awesome if every question from Chuck Todd was answered with "Looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on a mattress!"

V572625694 January 5, 2011 at 12:00 pm

But Ermey hates Obamar

Steverino247 January 5, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Classy apology, though. None of this "If I offended anybody" bullshit. Took your idea and ran with it–below.

V572625694 January 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Well said, and up-fist-worthy!

Native_of_SL_UT January 5, 2011 at 12:11 pm

I think our fun friend, Alan Grayson needs a job. He's way funnier than Gibbs.

GOPCrusher January 5, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Alvin Greene, is the only obvious choice.

Jukesgrrl January 5, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Or the cactus in my backyard.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:42 am

He's black. They tend not to hire them for press positions.

http://teapartiers.blogspot.com/2011/01/they-dont

Steverino247 January 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm

R. Lee Ermey for Press Secretary? Uh, ok! (and it was classy of him to apologize for going over the top.)

"Hell, I like that question! I'm going to let you come over to my house and fuck my sister."

"I'm going to give you exactly two fucking seconds to get that follow up question out or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!"

"This is my rifle, this is my gun! This is for briefings, this is for fun!"

"Private Birther! Do you like that name? What kind of scumbag goes by the name of 'Orly Taitz?'"

"Bullshit! I still can't hear you. Sound off like you've got a pair!"

"Helen Thomas could make Presidents and Press Secretaries squirm from the back of this Press Room. Where did she learn to do that? In the Marines!"

"I don't care if you're with Fox, CNN, the Times, the Post, the AP, Reuters or McClatchy. Here you are all equally worthless!"

undeterredbyreality January 5, 2011 at 1:28 pm

How 'bout Ernestine? "You are not dealing with just anyone's fool. I am a high-school graduate."

GotchaMedia January 5, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Robert Gibbs, you will be missed. He never took his job that seriously, and that's what I loved about him: http://gtcha.me/eKv3IV

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:38 am

I liked him because I always thought of the fat guy in "Deliverance" whenever he held a press conference.

gurukalehuru January 5, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Gotta go with Josh Earnest, just for the name.

glamourdammerung January 5, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I am thinking Lieberman would be ideal for the job of continuing to insult the folks that voted for President Obama.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:28 am

Are there still people who admit to having voted for Obama?

Rofl.

glamourdammerung January 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

I see the Breitards are still cowardly trolling threads from multiple days back.

Being obnoxious just to be obnoxious is not a valid political stance. It is a sign of a deep personality defect.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

Ah it is so amusing that you people think you are smarter than Breitbart or Palin, when they have come from nowhere to wield influence and make your masters spend all their time responding to their tweets. While you sit in your cubicle shuffling papers.

And even more amusing that you think you are intellectual, when your ilk spends its time bleeting about Bush or Boehner while your every superstition was long ago refuted by Hayek and other thinkers you cannot fathom.

And you whine about someone being obnoxious to you before you go back to chortle at rape jokes by Letterman or Bernhard.

Please don't change. Keep it up. I can see 2012 through the empty holes in your skulls.

glamourdammerung January 7, 2011 at 2:39 pm

And yet, you managed to not bother to refute anything I stated.

I am not the one shitting all over old threads because I was told to.

SecretMuslin January 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Hopefully he can find someone a little more moderate. Moderation + triangulation + appeasement = Success!! What's Mike McCurry up to these days?

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:27 am

If only they could get that internet censorship rule fully passed, Then the Bolsheviks could turn off the Menshevik's printing presses before they round them up and send them to the Gulag, like last time.

I wonder which side Wonker readers will be on on that forced icy march?

Jukesgrrl January 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm

How about Gov. Paterson? He needs a job and he's pretty funny when he's on Saturday Night Live.

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:18 am

And he's more perceptive than most Obamanoids.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 9:56 pm

I'll call it right now: the new WHP will be former Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm, who has been coy and teasing as hell about her plans after her governorship, but has said that by mid-January she'll announce something.

She's been wanting to get to Obama administration in the worst way, but didn't want to pull a Palin and quick her job unless offered something huge (like the Supreme Court seats she was angling for any lost).

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:14 am

You think Bill Clinton will be a supporter?

LakeAfflicted January 5, 2011 at 10:48 pm

MADRID

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:13 am

Ah Washington! The town where failures like Bob Shrum get to fail again and again and then teach at Ivy League schools on how they failed; where failures (hey Al Gore!) like Donna Brazile get to pretend to be straight on "This Week" and discuss Gov. Perry's pulchritude and the panty perspiration it causes; and radicals and reformers like Hillary Rosen get to start lobbies like Business Forward and shake down people for papal indulgences for only $75,000 each.

So what I want to ask you assembled liberaltards is: now that there are these mass deaths of fish and birds in every state, with no explanation from the Obamanoids (perhaps the tykes forgot to child proof their chemical weapons back when they drove oil drilling off the shore into depths technology couldn't deal with?), do you peeps have nightmares where Jehovah washes your town away in a fire, for your sins of hypocrisy and corruption?

Maybe if you started performing human sacrifices with each other you could placate Him before he takes you all out?

BruceMajor January 7, 2011 at 6:36 am

Well, if he just wants white people he could just go to any Leftover group from Media Matters, to MSNBC, to the Sierra Club, to NPR. They only hire white people.

http://teapartiers.blogspot.com/2011/01/they-dont

ttommyunger January 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

But NPR makes up for it by firing only black people, so; they've got that going for them…

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: