- When bald eagles close their eyes and daydream about America, images of John Boehner beating up The Deficit, or maybe teaching orphans how to chain-smoke, almost always appear in their little eagle noggins. This is because John Boehner was once a child with eleven siblings, and today he will be sworn in as Speaker of the House. Only in America! And as our country’s awful newspapers gleefully point out, John Boehner refused to attend a LeAnn Rimes concert last evening, since taxpayers do not care for LeAnn Rimes. And instead of hosting a lavish celebration dinner at The Olive Garden — which is what Nancy Pelosi did every weekend — John Boehner is having a very private potluck reception. Good gravy, John Boehner will probably flood half of Washington with his incessant weeping. [NYT]
- Meanwhile, the new GOP Congress wants to change “the rules” and prevent delegates from voting on amendments and procedures. This is bad news for Guam and Eleanor Holmes Norton. [The Caucus]
- More dead birds, this time in Louisiana! Wonkette’s very own Terror Roomba will probably file a full report on this terrorism, later. [Raw Story]
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Who knew that the GOPers would have issues with tinted people voting?
Fuck. My ass hurts already.
Well, the Boner is certainly showing his commitment to his job by refusing to go to that LeAnn Rimes concert – wait, who the fuck is that? Am I just out of touch with the youngs, or is the Post weird in assuming people have heard of that person or band?
It is a reference for the middles more than the olds or youngs. She was the hottest teen psuedo country "crossover" artist something like 15 years ago – big enough that Bear Naked Ladies' name dropped her in a song along with the likes of Akira Kurasawa. Sort of a beta version of Miley Cyrus/Taylor Swift.
I have no f'ing clue why anyone would pay attention to her know, but I'm guessing she's become an "established" country act.
Ah, country. As I am not married to my sister or a member of the KKK, I know nothing of that except the acts being rammed down our throats like Swift or that horrible American Idol winner my mom loves.
If you like older country (when country was country), Rimes did a version of a song written for Patsy Cline which Cline never recorded: "Blue". It still gives me chills. However, since then she is just another Nashville "so what".
A favorite line from an old King of the Hill show (John Redcorn puts on a New Age CD before starting to massage Peggy):
JOHN REDCORN: The whales sing of joy and sorrow, of pain and loss. Like Leann Rhimes.
"The action would affect delegates from the District of Columbia, American Samoa, Guam, the Northern Mariana Islands, and the Virgin Islands as well as the resident commissioner of Puerto Rico."
The GOP wants to restrict voting rights of delegates from the above listed places? I wonder what they all have in common? A predominance of people of color, perhaps?
Does Tom DeLay know about this? I mean, he worked so hard to provide jobs to the children of the Mariana Islands.
To be fair, other teabaggers have also floated restricting voting rights to land-owners, and reverting senators to being selected in backroom deals by state legislatures. So, maybe they just love restricting voting rights away from everyone who's not a member of the established political elite. You know, populism.
I honestly don't get this. Delegates votes don't count, anyway, if the votes would change the outcome of a vote, so what's the use in barring them from voting if not for some mean-spirited reason.
Well to be fair he probably had a coupon for Olive Garden.
And he isn't going to tip
Tipping is socialist!
Well, who wouldn't refuse to attend a Leeann Rimes concert? Besides the Republicans have to be Bieber fans (although he's probably a little old for most of their tastes).
Fun fact: John Boehner's hometown of Reading, Ohio is known for having a "Bridal District."
And… (drum roll please) Michelle Bachmann probably will run for president!
This is good news, inasmuch as teabaggers' loyalties will be so hopelessly confused between their two shrill and shrieking mama grizzlies that their heads will collectively explode, and the Western world will be rid of them for once and all.
Failing that, let's just close up shop and disband USAmerkkka already. We've had a good run.
I, for one, would enjoy witnessing a Palin/Bachmann debate. But then, I like banging my head against stucco walls.
BPO 2012! and don't you just love the smell of a new Congress in the morning??? All full of chastity, frugality and lacking in humor. Let the games begin. Who will be the first one caught with a bottle of Dom, sniffing coke off the ass of a minor and while dressed like a furry???
I don't know who'd spank it more to this dream – GOP/Tea Party dead enders who see sparkles when Palin and Bachmann speak, or David Axelrod.
Glad that the GOP is already getting back on that whole disenfranchising brown people thing. Not showing their hand for 2012 or anything.
Black birds falling from the sky in Louisiana is like mana from heaven. Black bird gumbo, black bird jambalaya, black bird creole, black bird etouffee, blackened black bird, deep fried black bird………….
and homemade black bird wine to wash it all down.
LeAnn Rimes? That sounds like the mother of 13 who lived in the trailer next door to the Orange Overlord and taught him to chain smoke. Naw, he wants Taylor Swift who is apparently available this morning and has an unnatural fondness for older men.
Considering that Taylor Swift thinks that a relationship "like Romeo and Juliet" is something desirable, she'd fit right in with the GOP non-readers.
"Romeo and Juliet" is Michael Steele's favorite play, what with all that "to be or not to be" stuff and Banquo's ghost and whatnot.
I thought Romeo and Juliet was the one where they were trying to get to Moscow.
No it's the one about the Battle of Agincourt.
In the send-a-message category, the Constitution will be read aloud on the floor of the House on Thursday, the day after the 112th Congress begins with Republicans in control of the House.
Presumably this means the pre-amended version, because heaven forbid all those uppity wimmens and nigras get any high-falutin' ideas about having a voice in legislating.
What's going to happen when they read it and all that stuff they thought was in there isn't?
Not to worry. Boehner's got a hotline direct to Scalia. Failing that, there's likely to be a Ouija board set up so the Republicans can communicate directly with the Founding Fathers about original intent.
Rick Barber got elected after all?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-passion...
The same thing that happens when they ignore all the things that *are* in the Bible.
Yeah, that line stood out to me as well. Maybe they'll have discussion group after the reading.
I remember when the GOP controlled House (years prior 2007, then) wanted to allow DC a voting representative in exchange for Utah (presumably…) getting an extra Congressional district. (Thus, bringing the House membership to 437.) I wonder what happened between 2006 & 2011, then.
Partially, the census showed Utah was going to get a slot anyway (which Dems stupidly admitted when they were bargaining). Partially, they just get off on how Eleanor Holmes Norton gives them the shame on you look everytime they vote and she can't – its like crack to them seeing black disenfranchisement in action.
Today, we are all Volusia County.
They’re going to read aloud the whole constitution on the house floor Thursday. I suspect this will be the first time many of the our fine delegates have heard these words.
I'm guessing they blow through the Preamble, ignore the lack of explicit limits in Article I, and completely gloss over most of the amendments.
they certainly haven't read it before. That would require literacy.
Also, why does Boehner keep talking about how he has eleven brothers and sisters as if that was something to be proud of? I'm sorry, but if my parents were that completely fucking insane I wouldn't keep shouting it out to the world.
Diluted gene pool: Boehner's best defense.
I have 8 brothers and sisters, so I can say firsthand that surviving into adulthood with that much competition for daily sustenance is kind of an accomplishment.
"Meanwhile, the new GOP Congress wants to change “the rules” and prevent delegates from voting on amendments and procedures."
This must be part of that Big Tent they keep yammering about.
Next 2 wondrous years:
Investigate: the Black Dude.
Ignore: the voters, environment, rest of world in general, Afghanistunk, Iraq, plus other sundries I cannot think of before coffee…
This is good news for Darryl Issa.
The greatest insult to Lebanese advancement since Working Girl.
Knowing Der Boner is from Reading OH, I now realize that he has the classic "Reading Tan" (Cirrhosis of the Liver) which would also account for the constant weeping.
In Reading OH, a person who knows how to read but chooses not to read, isn't any smarter than one who cannot read at all. Damn stupid tight assed slobering snot bubbler.
That is what Lewis Black calls the truest example of a retard*
*not to be confused with kids who have Downs Syndrome
Austerity is the theme of Boehner's ascendancy to House speaker this week, placing the start of this new Congress in stark contrast to the more lavish festivities that accompanied Democrat Pelosi's swearing-in four years ago.
In highlighting this "stark contrast," WaPo conveniently neglects to mention that in January 2007 the economy hadn't yet gone into the tank (the collapse of Bear Sterns was still more than a year off). But yeah, of course, Democrats just like to spend money on big parties while Republicans are always tightening their belts (oh except for that big party over in Iraq that they still haven't paid for).
Perceptive reading of why Republicans suck (not like we didn't all know it, but, hey, he does a nice job with his phrasing):
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifameric...
European opposition parties actually want to be governing, someday. The Republicans just want to be opposition all the time. Oh, and borrow money to give to rich people.
Love it "Conservatives cannot govern well for the same reason that vegetarians cannot prepare a world-class boeuf bourguignon: if you believe that what you are called upon to do is wrong, you are not likely to do it very well."
I understand all four of Rush Limbaugh's wedding nights have worked along the same lines.
If I were a resident of the District of Columbia, I would be dreaming up ways of making Republican congressmen and congresswomen very uncomfortable around town. Head-shot posters and billboards all around town reading, "This person wants to deny you a voice in your own government." See if they can get a drink in a hotel bar again.
Maybe a new version of the sassy DC license plate slogan is due, too. Any suggestions?
Can we just go straight to "Fuck you, John Boehner"?
Maybe we should. There might not be enough room on the plate for "Taxation without FUCK YOU BOEHNER!"
Denying him a drink is the best way to deliver that message
It's easy for most Washington residents to make a Republican uncomfortable; just walk by them. According to the census, 54% of Washingtonians will make Republicans uncomfortable just by doing that.
Tomorrow the Rethugs will read the whole Constitwoshun. Likely with heavy emphasis on number two, and not so much on the 13th, 15th, 19th, and they'll likely totally skip the 16th.
Article VI might make them stammer a bit, too; seeing how it separates religion and government.
Are they going to bring in Charleton Heston to read it?
Just emailed the new speaker; "where are the jawbs?"
Well, Boner is a far cry from……something. I got nuthin'.
Heehee. I got something for nuthin'.
The "far cry" pun, even if unintentional, was good.
WHEREZ DA JAWBS, BOEHNER?!?1!
With this symbolic act of reading the Constitution, they'll get as far as the Second Amendment and just stall like a stuck record, reading it over and over again, while Boehner weeps ever more loudly.
Issa and his endless pointless investigations, Barton apologizing to the Natural Gas producers for all this fuss about fracking and how Americans just don't appreciate free firewater on tap in their own kitchens…meanwhile the sound of weeping, always weeping…
In an effort to increase revenue, the new Speaker will announce the following commerical licenses for the House of Representatives: Official Fast Food — Orange Julius; Official Snack — Cheetos; Official Drink — Tang.
Official candy — those orange foam peanuts you get at Halloween that are so disgusting; official vegetable — candy corn.
Actually, I think the Speaker is more the color of Jack Daniel's Old No. 7.
Will they play "Tears of a Clown" every time Boner enters Congress? Cause that would be cool.
So we can understand that the new Repubs don't read books or listen to music.
I get it- a return to our Puritan roots!
Well, I guess I'm off to the Siberian gulag! At least falling birds will provide some good meals.
Willy Wonka would've been proud.
When they read the constitution, I wonder just what their vocal incantations will be like…
I'm guessing they will shout out the second amendment (but mumble the militia part) and whisper the pesky equal protection clause.
Or maybe they will add editorial comments, a la "this doesn't require the government to discriminate against women, but it doesn't require us to prevent others from doing as they please in a free country."
I thought when bald eagles closed their eyes they were euthanized…at least that's what the Wonkette told us yesterday. Lucky birds – they won't have to see the reign of orange terror. Wait – is Boehner our new Homeland Security warning?
Pelosi would still be speaker had she sprung for Carabba's instead.
"instead of hosting a lavish celebration dinner at The Olive Garden — which is what Nancy Pelosi did every weekend"
Well duh. Olive Garden serves Italian food, and the Italians are facists or socialists or something that sounds like "socialist."
Besides, he's too busy writing his plan for a tanning bed inside every home (since you can't walk outside to the tanning salon without 50 dead crows falling on you).
"Lavish" and "Olive Garden" are kind of mutually exclusive; the Post is kind of going overboard with its "Pelosi sucked, Boner rules" claims.
" Olive Garden" and "Italian Food" are mutually exclusive.
Still close enough for it to be one big eye-talian socialist facist conspiracy (that only Beck can uncover!)
The Olive Garden definitely serves something, but whatever it is, it ain't Italian.
when will boehner's tears start flowing again…
The premier night of the 650 billion dollar production of:
Congressman, Turn Off the Light.
Boehner always cries at concerts anyway.
I am going to enjoy watching Boner & Company trying to sweet talk America into another blow-job after running up her credit cards, ruining her reputation and hamstringing her financially. Methinks the Honeymoon is over for these boys. Plus, the new Kids in the Hall are not known for their patience or their sense of perspective.
United States Delegates (i.e. second-class House memebers) already can't vote in the full House, so what's the point of taking their vote away in committee, especially where their vote almost never changes the outcome of a committee vote in the first place?
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