IDIOTS  3:52 pm January 4, 2011

Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books

by Ken Layne


Which pea-brained clown will become the new chairperson of the Republican National Committee? Whether it’s the dingbat woman dreaming of getting wasted at her kitchen table again or the lunkhead who just keeps barking “Reagan! Reagan!” when asked if he has ever read a book, all five of these mouth-breathing imbeciles are perfect representatives of America’s Political Elite, circa 2011.

They are absolute idiots, as common and empty as any small-town city councilmembers wondering aloud if they need to follow federal law — inept yokels as smugly vapid as Sarah Palin herself, yet with none of her trailer-park basic-cable charms. If the hotel shuttle carrying these morons ran off the Key Bridge tonight, America would gain a collective IQ point.

Extra remedial points for world champion fool Michael Steele, who blurts out War and Peace as his alleged favorite book, after repeated prompting, and then immediately begins jabbering the famous-even-to-non-readers opening of Tale of Two Cities. Gah. At the end of this embarrassment, reduced-to-CSPAN host Tucker Carlson is actually silent for a moment, and deep within the dead pools of his eyes you can almost see a flicker of the intelligent writer he strangled so he could be a cable news asshole for a few years, before being fired by both CNN and MSNBC. [The Stranger/CSPAN/Buzzfeed via Wonkette operative "Katie D."]

 
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{ 328 comments }

SexySmurf January 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I'm surprised no one said "all of them!"

genxr January 4, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Saving that one for the Presidential primaries, no doubt.

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 8:47 pm

fucking Repig morons, they KNOW $carah don't read BOOKS so none of 'em wants to look too 'book smart' in front of their retard supporters, in case it makes the $nowbilly look bad…and I'm guessin' the one idiot says 'Reagan Diaries' cuz it's got lots a pitchers and even some coloring book pages for the illiterate assholes! (and WTF is up with the bitch who keeps going to the bars? I bet she was hammered with the Steele when they blew their little Repiggy wads at the lesbian bondage club, fo bibble!)

Sophist FCD January 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

"Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books"

Also unfamiliar: Ethics, History, Math, and How To Not Come Off Like A Smirking Sociopath.

V572625694 January 4, 2011 at 4:08 pm

"Ice Cream Found to be Yummy"
"Study Characterizes Puppies as 'Cute'"

Callyson January 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Adds: Constitutional Law, Economics, anything remotely related to science…

genxr January 4, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I would have guessed "Arguing with Idiots"

elviouslyqueer January 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Oh please. The only way that Michael Steele knows about War and Peace (or A Tale of Two Cities) is that he had to pass the Classics section at Borders on the way to pick up his autographed copy of Mike Huckabee Just Can't WAIT for Christmas.

SexySmurf January 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

War and Peace is totally street. Steele being reading Tolstoy all over ya ass, beotch.

Tundra Grifter January 4, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Shoulda said "Pimp!" by Iceberg Slim…or "Soul on Ice" or "Diary of Malcolm X."

elviouslyqueer January 4, 2011 at 4:28 pm

DAMMIT. I forgot about Iceberg Slim. Although Steele is probably a Zane aficionado. Or better yet, E. Lynn Harris.

problemwithcaring January 4, 2011 at 6:51 pm

"Autobiography of Malcolm X" and "Diary of a Mad Black Woman."

Tundra Grifter January 5, 2011 at 10:32 am

Thank you for the correction! I X'd up!

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Why don't we get Iceberg Slim for president? Like Cicciolina in the Italian Parliament?

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:09 pm

reminds me of favorite interview, classic Jon Stewart with Michael Steele muppet…"that's how we do it on the street lunchmeat, when da fight cums up we bibble down…can I get a high fibble? woop, woop woop!!!" http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/12/jon-stewart-in

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Do Classics Illustrated Comics still exist?

CapeClod January 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm

So nobody picked Mitten's favorite book, "Battlefield Earth?"

Terry January 4, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Romney's favorite book was written by a guy who said an angel brought him a golden breastplate with which he could read some tablets.

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:13 pm

I LOVE that shit, tho Battlestar Galactica has better FX, especially when the 'freedom fighters' suicide bomb the alien invaders…warms my heart!

nounverb911 January 4, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I thought the only books the republicans were allowed to read were the Bible (In Aramaic) and "My Pet Goat".

mavenmaven January 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

They don't love the book in Aramaic, they love the movie in Aramaic…

OneDollarJuana January 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I though it was "ʇɐo⅁ ʇǝԀ ʎW".

jus_wonderin January 4, 2011 at 5:02 pm

How'd you do that Willis??

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Yeah. How did you do that, you show off, you?

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:14 pm

have to admit I'm impressed too…also :)

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 7:53 pm

The Aramaic portions of the Bible are some letters to and from the Great King, basically ordering his officials to do something honest and upright.

ChessieNefercat January 4, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Aramaic? Are you one of those "Hey, Jesus spoke Aramaic" people? Because everyone knows that the Bible was written in English by King James around oh, 1611 AD (which means About Deity, not "Anno Domini" like those damn Catholics would have you think with all their fancy "ooh, Latin is cool" shit they like to talk, therefore everyone in the Bible had to speak English or otherwise how would King James know what they said, now you can see this right, I mean, geez, think this through for a minute and I'll bet you won't fall for that commie liberal crap again about Bible people talking like foreigners.

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm

"My Pet Aramaic Goat"? very tasty btw

Radiotherapy January 4, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Anything by Cormac McCarthy.

Ducksworthy January 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

The Orchard Keeper

MistaEko January 4, 2011 at 6:37 pm

"What's the most you ever lost in an election?"

Progressiveinga January 4, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I went camping in the Cohutta Nat'l Wilderness Area in Tennessee just after I read Child of God and I slept with a .357 in my hand the whole time just waiting for the violence that was definitely coming like in that book right there. CMcC is the shit.

Angry_Marmot January 4, 2011 at 9:48 pm

I dunno, McCarthy's revelation that "Violence is American as Apple Pie" might rank up there with "Ice Cream Yummy", "Puppies are 'Cute'" and "These Guys are Dip-Shits".

Monsieur_Grumpe January 4, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I didn’t watch this debate but has anyone counted the number of Reagan references yet?

V572625694 January 4, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Dead heat of pandering:

Reagan Diaries: 1
Dubya book* the speaker couldn't remember the name of: 1
______________
*Decision Points, fer chrissakes

Mahousu January 4, 2011 at 4:15 pm

No one can.

Pop_Socket January 4, 2011 at 9:58 pm

Not even W.

Sophist FCD January 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

"I didn’t watch this debate but has anyone counted the number of Reagan references yet?"

How many angels can cut taxes on the head of a pin? It's just one of those unanswerable questions.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:37 pm

"How many angels can cut taxes on the head of a pin?"

Excellent. And the subject of the private debate betweenTucker and that absolute, horrid, awful, terrible, greedy, nutjob, fuckhead, Grover Norquist. Shit, did that guy get elected to something? I've forgotten. Fuck, I hate him and that goddam Steve Moore (is that his name?) and anyone else associated with Club for (Millionaire's) Growth. They gave us that fucking Spooky Doktor Tom, instead of the relatively harmless Republican hack who was running against him.

ShaveTheWhales January 4, 2011 at 11:37 pm

All of them, of course.

doxastic January 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Honestly, if voter's guides incorporated "favorite book" as a question for candidates, I'd probably make WAY better political decisions.

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 5:21 pm

It certainly helps on dating sites; for example, one basic rule of thumb is to stay away from anyone who mentions The Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged, no matter how pretty.

metamarcisf January 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

A really incisive question for this debate would have been: "If you could have dinner with any person in history, living or dead, who would it be?" Just imagine the incredible variety of responses this gem would've elicted.

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

All answers would be either Jesus or Reagan.

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Or "my kitchen table."

Monsieur_Grumpe January 4, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Like there is a difference.

Neilist January 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

There's a difference?

Photos, or GTFO.

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:18 pm

hell I've had lunch with Ronnie, bastard couldn't even remember my name

ShaveTheWhales January 4, 2011 at 11:38 pm

What the fuck you want? He couldn't remember his own name.

ChessieNefercat January 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Reagan. Reagan. No, I picked Reagan. Nuh-uh, I picked Reagan first in my head. Reagan.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 2:29 am

I'm sure Hitler would pop up.

OzoneTom January 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Do Cliffs Notes count? How about the Classics Illustrated comics?

genxr January 4, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Wrong. The correct answer is "Tax Cuts"

PuckStopsHere January 4, 2011 at 7:05 pm

It used to be 9-11. When did they change?

Pop_Socket January 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Right after they voted down health benefits for first responders.

chascates January 4, 2011 at 4:03 pm

No one 'went Galt'?

Ruhe January 4, 2011 at 4:39 pm

You are right. In the midst of this inanity the fact that no one mentioned Rand is just odd. But doesn't this whole exercise make it clear that the White Men who actually run the GOP could give a damn who the NCC is?

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Many, many inpotent Young Republican fanboys' heads exploded when there was no mention of Rand.

chascates January 4, 2011 at 8:03 pm

One of my favorite quotes:
The Lord of the Rings, and Atlas Shrugged, are two books you can give a 15-year-old kid that’ll change his life forever. One will draw him into a fantasy world where people who are losers in real life can become heroic captains engaged in a timeless, righteous struggle against evil. The other is about orcs.

fuflans January 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

michael steele says his favorite book is an epic work of russian literature about russian aristocrats and the impact of the napoleanic invasion on their lives. then he confuses it with an epic work by an english socialist about french aristocrats and the impact of the french revolution on their lives?

i guess that's about right.

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:19 pm

and it's fuflans fer da WIN!

mavenmaven January 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

The Constitution! The Constitution!

harry_palmer January 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Books are for elitist pussies who want to "know things" and act superior. Jesus didn't need no book-learnin' to kick Satan's ass in the Book of Revelation, which is coming true this year, I read it on the Wonkette. (Actually, some version of it may really happen, thanks to "leaders" like this).

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Steele's also a big fan of the theater, his favorite is Shakespeare's "Death of a Salesman".

CapeClod January 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm

He also owns a vinyl copy of the Rolling Stones' "White Album"

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

"I started a joke that had the whole world crying."

OneDollarJuana January 4, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Otto Preminger's "Citizen Kane" is his favorite film.

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Though he also likes to geek out and watch Peter Jackson's Star Wars trilogy.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Thanks for my laugh out loud moment of the day.

indecencycmdr January 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm

"Memphis" by David Mamet?

PuckStopsHere January 4, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Glengarry Glen Beck.

Wadisay January 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm

What about that thing by Ayn Rand, Three Coins in a Fountain or Brideshead Revisited, or whatever?

indecencycmdr January 4, 2011 at 6:14 pm

"Spiderman: Turn off the Dark" by Edward Albee?

PresBeeblebrox January 5, 2011 at 12:52 am

Spider Man: Turn off the Dark would be more appropriate for this gang. Every night the show demands an offering of fresh blood.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 9:19 pm

I'm quite partial to "War of the Worlds" by Orson Scott Card and George Orewell, myself, and "Nighteen Eighty-Four" by H.G. Wells.

Fare la Volpe January 6, 2011 at 12:15 am

And his kids just love Walt Disney's Triumph of the Will.

angryclownspawn January 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Clearly that woman has spent WAAAY too much time at the bar and is just counting down until she can get there again. Who can blame her if she possibly attempted to read W's ghostwritten pack of lies.

chicken_thief January 4, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Boehner's sister threw her hat in the ring?! Between the two of them I can't wait to the torrential downpour of tears if she wins.

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Who knows, she might run out of toilet paper.

BeWoot January 4, 2011 at 10:27 pm

I listened to it 3 times. I think Grover Norsmeg did actually say "bar." Or maybe, "bark."

edgydrifter January 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Books–how do they work?

OneDollarJuana January 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Fuckin' books–how do they work?

fixed

indecencycmdr January 4, 2011 at 6:16 pm

one of those things people "read" on a kindle? like a really long tweet?

SudsMcKenzie January 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Dumb as a Texas school book.

metamarcisf January 4, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Reminds me a Dallas punk band I used to follow: The Texas School Book Suppositories

elviouslyqueer January 4, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Sarah Palin will doubtless be sending out a pissy tweet complaining that nobody brought up her literary output.

Also Ken, is "intelligent writer" a euphemism for Tucker Carlson's dessicated penis?

Ken Layne January 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I don't know that Tucker ever *had* a penis, despite his very public worrying that a homosexual might want to fondle it, but about 10 years ago Tucker Carlson was the best new long-form-journalism political writer around. Granted, there wasn't much competition, but he wrote some very good, revealing stuff.

Nobody ever caught the preening amorality of George W. Bush better than Tucker in Tina Brown's old TALK magazine.

V572625694 January 4, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Sheee-it, that cain't be true. Hunter Thompson didn't die until 2005. Carlson is clever and funny; it's just hard to believe he ever wasn't a hack and a whore. Teevee doth make hacks of us all.

weejee January 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Speaking of penises, if things get rockin' will Saul Li'l Dick Anuzis end up holding the delegates robes if this ends up to be the stoning of Stephen? That is Steele's middle name, btw.

PresBeeblebrox January 5, 2011 at 12:57 am

Hunter Thompon: dead after brilliant 50 year career of novels, political writing, satire, and social criticism
Sarah Palin and spawn: alive, doing shitty reality shows and dancing contests, bought desert prison/house, endless political and media pontifications

There is no god.

Gratuitous World January 4, 2011 at 4:10 pm

so these were the 3rd Graders who couldn't earn their personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut? I always assumed those kids ended up working at Pizza Hut.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Who else would fill the ranks of the Young Republicans?

Trinket January 4, 2011 at 4:12 pm

If Michael Steele loses, comedy will die.

MaxUdargo January 4, 2011 at 6:50 pm

I don't know, the Drunk Kitchen Lady might take comedy in an exciting new direction. Did you know there's a bar named "War and Peace?" She did.

"War and Peace. What? Oh, my favorite FOUNDING FATHER? I thought you asked what my favorite BAR was! Tee-hee-hee!"

"Don's John. What? Oh, my favorite TV SERIES? I thought you asked what my favorite BAR was! Tee-hee-hee!"

"King's Tavern. What? Oh, PAPER OR PLASTIC? I thought you asked what my favorite BAR was! Tee-hee-hee!"

real_dc_native January 4, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Yeah Ken, how will you make up for that 20% loss of content? I don't think we'll elect him to anything here in Maryland ever again.

Ken Layne January 4, 2011 at 11:32 pm

I'm still mourning the loss of Senator Christine O'Donnell.

HuddledMass January 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

I thought I read a rumor she was running for President in 2012? And Alec Baldwin is running for governor?

Don't be sad Ken — there will always be enough bozos on that bus.

metamarcisf January 4, 2011 at 4:13 pm

You think those questions were dumb. Can you imagine what would've happened if one of the questions had been "How many guns do you own?"

ManchuCandidate January 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Be several kinds of sick as various GOPers masturbate furiously upon hearing the words: 2nd Amendment, Glock, HK, 9mm, 22, 45, 40, 10mm, Submachinegun, NRA and Charleton Heston

Neilist January 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Oh, heck. Now I have to clean off my computer screen again.

Trinket January 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

"All of 'em!"

GunTotingProgressive January 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

You know that they actually ASKED this question, don't you? They played the Q&A on NPR this morning. Mikey doesn't own any, another admitted to the sin of not owning any bang-sticks. The new GOP chair is the lady (the one who reads the kitchen table, likely) said that she got a new gun safe for Christmas and that she had about 16.

Neilist January 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

"Fewer than Neilist" probably is the only TRUTHFUL answer.

Or maybe "Not enough."

MissTaken January 4, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Or how many homes?

Callyson January 4, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Wow, no books by Coultergeist, O'Really, Hand-it-to-me, or the FOX crowd. The Reeps better watch out or FOX' parent company will stop donating seven figures…

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:49 pm

No Sean O'Rushbeck, either.

Callyson January 4, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I'm just shocked they didn't all shout "the Bible".

Seriously, if they flubbed that soft question what will happen if they get a job with actual responsibilities?
Oh, it's the RNC chair position they are vying for? OK, then, no worries…

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Maybe they saw how popular Palin was with the base after flubbing Katie Couric's softball questions and decided to emulate her.

prommie January 4, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Book bad, me hit book with rock.

V572625694 January 4, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Book hard! Book have conceps me not agree wif! Book make me tink!

prommie January 4, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I kill evolution book, then there no evolution.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Keyboard. Meet green tea.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Hey–I get it. I'm so proud.

horsedreamer_1 January 4, 2011 at 4:18 pm

It's not like you can say your favourite book/story is that one Annie Proulx piece. Not at the RNC candidates forum.

Progressiveinga January 4, 2011 at 5:27 pm

They didn't read Brokeback Mountain, they just live it.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

This thread is just giving the English majors a chance to show off. Actually, I'm surprised no one said Lonesome Dove. I've read it twice, but didn't fixate on "they had to hang Jake. " Which is proof I am not a Republican. Ah, the election of 2010. So many memories. Horrible, horrible memories.

Progressiveinga January 4, 2011 at 6:05 pm

And "A Good Scent from A Strange Mountain" is one of the best titles ever. And a good read. Also, too. '93 PP for fiction.

Frustrated almost-English major here.

Chet Kincaid January 5, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Lonesome Dove and all its spinoffs and prequels and tee-vee adaptations is sentimental Chick Lit for middle-aged, very-un-urban propane salesmen. No wonder McMurtry adapted Brokeback.

(Aw, who am I kiddin', I read all the books but the last one, and liked 'em, for the same sick reason that I read James Ellroy.)

slithytoves January 4, 2011 at 7:58 pm

If you insist on spelling favorite as favourite, I shall cast you as Canadian and determine you are simply love-sicke.

Tundra Grifter January 4, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Is it just me, or is there absolutely no energy whatsoever in that room? WoW!

V572625694 January 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Ambassador-to-Wingtardia Dave Weigel reported that only 8 actual RNC members were present at this, uh…forum.

ManchuCandidate January 4, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I now know that the GOPers will survive the Zombiepocalypse because they have no brains worth eating.

SaintRond January 4, 2011 at 6:35 pm

I'll eat them.

slithytoves January 4, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Too bad quality didn't trump quantity in that regard, or any.

i_AM_ready January 4, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I love how they all went silent and nobody seemed embarrassed that none of them could think of a passable answer. Clinton or Obama could go on for an hour about the favorite books they've read in the past month, but it was so painfully obvious that these clowns all stopped reading books the day they flunked out of high school. And because they were all in the same boat, nobody was able to score a point against the others.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

These are Republicans. Not reading anything is a badge of honor.

MaxNeanderthal January 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm

I'm shocked and amazed, Surely they read the following gems to sustain their knowledge and intellect. Foreign policy:- "Where the wild things are". Religous studies:- "The protocols of the elders of Zion". Science policy:- "Book of Genesis". Environmental issues:- AAA road map. Geography:-ditto. History:- "Grimm's fairy tales".
Favourite Bark???? wtflyingf? Seriously, if you heard that question, wouldn't anyone with an IQ greater than a two-toed sloth think "Did I just hear right?" rather than giving it serious consideration, and then answering it with the response, "My table." For fucks sake, you have a table made of tree bark? Are you a total fuckwit, or are there parts missing?

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:07 pm

No Ayn Rand? No _Think and Grow Rich_?

weejee January 4, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Can any of these dolts quote Eisenhower?

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.

ManchuCandidate January 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Haha. According to the history books they "read" ie believe, Eisenhower was a kinda pacifist commie who never served a day in uniform.

weejee January 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I suppose, even though Ike did live in the "best of times, and the worst of times." But wait, that quote wuzn't in Warren Peas, so it don't count. Forget about that Kansas Rethug President, clearly the GOP freshman class sure has.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Why didn't he act on any of that shit he said when he was president?*

*Judith Miller truth cricket on my shoulder compels me to confess that I was raised by Stevenson Democrats.

weejee January 4, 2011 at 7:20 pm

My truth cricket compels me to confess I wuz raised by Eisenhowerites, but my dad made the mistake of raising kids to think for themselves.

I wasn't voting back then, being just was 4 & 8 for the two elections, but knowing what I do now I would have voted for Stevenson. That said, Ike did do a few things along the way, and although we have Bachmann and King and other crazies, Eisenhower had to deal with some crazies in his party like Joe McCarty (no friend of Ike's). For example, the day after Brown v the Board decision he directed the DC schools to become a national model of school integration. When Arkansas gov Orval Faubus said screw you to the Supremes on integrating Little Rock High, Ike put the Arkansas National Guard under Federal control and said no Orval, screw you (at bayonet point). He also appointed Earl Warren to be the Supremo Supreme. And we lefties can look back with fond memories on more that a few rulings of the Warren Court. And in his swan song presidential speech he warned Kennedy to watch out for the "Military Industrial Complex." Not an entirely bad record for a ReThug.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Who?

real_dc_native January 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Or this one that seems appropriate: "Don't join the book burners. Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book…."

Schmannnity January 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Ike lost Eastern Europe to the Reds!

PresBeeblebrox January 5, 2011 at 12:59 am

IKE WAS A SOSHIALIST KENYAN GETTYSBURG/KANSAN! WE DEMAND IKE'S LONG FORM BIRD SURTIFIKAT!

ChessieNefercat January 5, 2011 at 9:39 am

That's why the birds is dead!

SayItWithWookies January 4, 2011 at 4:21 pm

It's awesome that a) none of the candidates bothered to explain why their choice was their favorite and b) none of the questioners bothered to ask. Lightning round notwithstanding, they dealt with that subject like the grasping poseurs they are. But the My Kitchen Table lady wins it — since Decision Points was her favorite, that means she really likes the five or so books it was plagiarized from. We all know more is better, and someone who buys paintings because they're "sofa-sized" is what the RNC really needs.

Extemporanus January 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Trying to have a conversation with her would be like trying to read a kitchen table, and I have no interest in doing that.

Tundra Grifter January 5, 2011 at 10:57 am

That was the slowest "lightning round" ever. Not much light offered, either…

MarionNYNY January 4, 2011 at 4:21 pm

With these role models is it any wonder why our children is not learning?

bumfug January 4, 2011 at 4:22 pm

She's got "bar" on her mind 'cause she just can't wait til they go back to that lesbian bondage place.

prommie January 4, 2011 at 4:27 pm

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I'll second the moran common clay reference. I live among friendly (to white people) but stoooopid people. Anyone watched Winter's Bone? Take out the music that kind of romanticized it and the trees, and you have a third of my county. At least.

And they'd kick the ass of any Republican who claimed to read books. Except for the ones with diagrams of the latest in meth labs.

Chet Kincaid January 5, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Me & Ms. Kincaid watched Winter's Bone a couple of weeks ago. I laughed out loud at the one line about people who poke around asking too many questions ending up "et by hogs."

ttommyunger January 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Also, "The Sheriff is…Near!"

greenloner January 4, 2011 at 4:28 pm

"Republican National Committee candidates unfamiliar with books." That don't surprise me none. I grew up in a small town in northern Indiana. Readers were regarded with suspicion by most of the townspeople. The Bible now, that's one thing. Other books are another matter.

V572625694 January 4, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Calumet Region? Shouldn't they get some slack for being US Steel's hazmat dump zone for a hundred years or so?

PuckStopsHere January 4, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Its "is" another matter. Other books is another matter. Jeez.

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Such people don't actually read the Bible; they just keep one around for good luck.

obfuscator2 January 4, 2011 at 4:28 pm

"whichever ones burn fastest."

horsedreamer_1 January 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Stolen ones?

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Anyone remember some years ago, when an American who'd been part of Nixon's invasion of Cambodia returned a book he'd plundered, to King Sihanouk. With an apology, saying his only excuses were his youth and the bad example of his officers. The King has suffered far worse, of course, and gave him full pardon.

Neilist January 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Oh, bravo!. Bravo, Sir.

:::Polite Golf Clap:::

Well played! Well played indeed!

PuckStopsHere January 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

OT, but again with the pee pts. Mr. Neilist is TWICE the commentator I am so he should have, like, 154 pts, not 88. What gives (or, as the kids say, "Whaddup?")

Neilist January 4, 2011 at 7:14 pm

But I am hated by you Communist Liberal Pinko SKUM.

Not without reason, mind you. After all, I work at it.

And I think you're confused. Given the audience, I'm trying for a NEGATIVE "P Score" — at a minimum, a "zero."

Hell, I vote against myself every chance I get . . . . .

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:37 pm

hell I always give him some pee just for showing up and addin' a little color to the landscape…now that I know he WANTS the negative pee will just reverse direction!

obfuscator2 January 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm

"to kill a mockingbird burnt faster than slaughterhouse 5, but a tree grows in brooklyn burns fastest, unless you find a first edition of the adventures of huckleberry finn, those go up like kindling! it's great, almost like burning ideas!"

chicken_thief January 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

The elitist press and their gotcha! questions. *tsk, tsk* Everyone knows that these candidates learn everything they need to know from listening to Rush.

JadedDissonance January 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

My favorite book is "The Real Life of Sebastian Knight" by Vladimir Nabokov. I know that instantly.

jrients January 4, 2011 at 6:05 pm

For me picking a favorite book is like asking me who I love more, my wife or my daughter. Is it Milorad Pavic's Dictionary of the Khazars? Julian Jaynes' The Origins of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind? Carl Sagan's Cosmos? The children's book It's Halloween by Jack Prelutsky? Marvel Two-in-One issue #100? Tennyson's Idylls of the King? The first edition Dungeon Mater's Guide? Christ, I don't even know where to begin cutting that list down.

DonnyKerabotsos January 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

"No I'm sorry, the correct answer is, any book where Micheal Vick is executed.'

Ruhe January 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

A story of American redemption derailed by self-indulgent petulance. That sounds like an instant GOP classic.

imissopus January 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Liberal Fascism! Liberal Fascism! Sorry, what was the question again?

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:33 am

Fuck?

bordo2 January 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Just for yuks. . .one of them should've said, "The quran."

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

It's too bad they hadn't actually asked for their favorite bar, since the candidates could probably have answered that.

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Or their favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant.

MissTaken January 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Wait, didn't Steele "write" a book last year? He couldn't even name his own freaking book?!

jodyleek January 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Do the little pamphlets that come with douches count as books?

Rotundo_ January 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

No, but the little pamphlets that come *from* douches do. See Palin, $arah, Bush, George W. and others published by Regnery etc.

ChessieNefercat January 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm

"Do the little douches that come with pamphlets cook their books?"

metamarcisf January 4, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Yes. The ones penned by Judith Miller.

Clancy_Pants January 4, 2011 at 4:46 pm

War and Peace are you fucking kidding me? He's probably got it hollowed out and keeps some peach schnapps inside.

DaSandman January 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

He meant Warf and Peas

Schmannnity January 4, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Weed and condoms

Angry_Marmot January 4, 2011 at 10:48 pm

A Sale of Two Titties

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:33 am

Whore and Peach

tribbzthesquidz January 4, 2011 at 4:47 pm

True Crime. Casually Translated Bibles. Jack Chick. de Sade.
Also to Tucker: Bowtie of GTFO!

zhubajie January 6, 2011 at 1:42 am

Perhaps only the Conservapedia version?

LionelHutzEsq January 4, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Or, they could at least be honest, and say "The Twats of Sarah Palin!"

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

T

OneDollarJuana January 4, 2011 at 4:53 pm

no it isn't

undeterredbyreality January 4, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I believe Manhattan may have been being sarcastic.

Gleem_McShineys January 4, 2011 at 6:49 pm

no you don't

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm

yes you are but what am I, HENGH?

undeterredbyreality January 4, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Yes I do.

Manhattan123 January 4, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Um, is there an emoticon for sarcasm? Usually don't have to use it on Gawker, I guess on Wonkette it's suggested?

undeterredbyreality January 4, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Not usually required.

WriteyWriterton January 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Tim Lehay is angry they didn't name him as their favorite author/policy-visionary. So angry, in fact, that he's moving up the date of the End Times War/Rapture/Ken Burns docu-fest.

LionelHutzEsq January 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

These are actually fair answers. Do you know how hard it is to read at a lesbian bondage club? You try it some time!

OneDollarJuana January 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Do you think everyone at the lesbian bondage club reads with their lips moving/

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:21 pm

You have one of the harlots read to you, as further punishment.

BorderJumper! January 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Unbelievable. After all, any idiot can answer those gotcha, what-do-you-read-type questions. The answer is always the same:
"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years"

mereoblivion January 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Or, as Alfred Lord Kipling wrote in Heart of Dankness:
"Home is the sailor,
home to his tree,
and the grunter,
home to his grill."
What was the question, again?

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Is that misspelling in the title a conscious or unconscious joke? Either way FTW.

mereoblivion January 4, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Conscious, Jukesgrrl, like so few other things I do! Thanks.

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:34 am

What's my age again?

trampndirtdown January 5, 2011 at 9:29 am

Beautiful.

Neilist January 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm

"Fear and Loathing" is the best book on campaigning ever written.

Particularly the part about when you're behind in the polls, but you can feel it turning around, and "your starting to feel like a winner."

Bad craziness.

P.S. Not enough guns in that one, though.

Ducksworthy January 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

You'll have to forgive the good Doctor for that one but at least he had his ashes fired out of a cannon by Johnny Depp. Hard to beat that for class and gun loving.

PresBeeblebrox January 5, 2011 at 12:49 am

Not Enough Guns, true, but the episode with Peter "Boo-Hoo" Sheridan using HST's press pass to enter the Muskie campaign train in Florida and thence go on a 8 hour acid trip is just as good.

Or HST's fictional account of what a campaign desparate for the last few uncommitted delegates to commit will do to extort that vote… drugs, blood, blackmail.

Bad craziness.

Extemporanus January 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

An RNC chairperson candidate walks into a book…

randoracer January 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Everyone knows that the first line of "War and Peace" is "Call me Ishmael." Or was it: "Mother died today?" I always get my Hemingway books confused.

Pragmatist2 January 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

"Stupid is as stupid does."
Write in Forrest Gump for RNC Chair.
You can draw a tree if you can't spell the fancy version of forest.

ChessieNefercat January 4, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Oh, I'll bet they can spell Forrest correctly, having been raised on the exploits of the great Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Pop_Socket January 4, 2011 at 10:04 pm

I had a client explain how he was so misunderstood because wearing white sheets was an old Confederate guerrilla tactic.

ChessieNefercat January 5, 2011 at 9:44 am

To hide themselves on the snow covered battlefields of the south?*

*Yes, yes, I know it can snow in the south, but a) those aren't the first states that come to mind when you think of the word snow, and friends of mine in the south enjoy making fun of my weather (200+ inches of snow).

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Did anyone hear that apparently there's some rule that says the chair and co-chair of the RNC have to be of opposite sexes?

FlyOverGirl January 4, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Where does Scalia stand on that?

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:35 am

So, opposite chairpersonship? Bring on what's-her-tits.

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Jane Whett.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Who else would want the job?

Jukesgrrl January 4, 2011 at 5:12 pm

"If the hotel shuttle carrying these morons ran off the Key Bridge tonight, America would gain a collective IQ point."

A simple, yet stunning, insight. And the reason I come here every day.

SnarkoMarx January 4, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Someone should introduce Michael Steele and the rest of these idiots to the concept that is well documented in A Tale of Two Cities. You know, the part where rich aristocrats and their supporters are guillotined.

Pithaughn January 4, 2011 at 7:09 pm
JackObin January 4, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I hereby nominate well-known Yale illiterate George Bush as Chairman. The lies told by and about this cretin are boundless. But the biggest of all was that he was a voracious reader. The only work he regularly reads is the back of his Cocoa Puffs box.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

It's a laugh riot, watching his lips move as he tries to read the word Polysorbate-80.

GOPCrusher January 4, 2011 at 5:22 pm

No one mentioned David Limbaugh's "Persecution"? Because that would have played right to the Xtian base.

OneDollarJuana January 4, 2011 at 5:22 pm

How come no-one mentioned their bank account passbook as their favorite, because clearly, Republicans place that above just about everything else.

Cucumber2a January 4, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Books are inventions of Duh Debil!

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm

The Book of Enoch says so!

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:29 pm

I can tell Ken's posts without looking at the byline because they sound increasingly like a disbelieving screed from a liberal who's holed up in his bunker in an unknown desert location, a whiskey bottle in hand, the remote in the other and his eyes on the interwebs.

Disgusted and disbelieving of the gross stupidity in the public arena, he's run out of hyperbole to express his rage. So he makes exquisite, over the top fun of them, as is fitting.

War and fucking Peace? He was joking, right? Then he sort of meditates on it a moment and quotes Tale of Two Cities because it's the one book every moran on the planet knows the opening of. Except most of us can connect it to the book. And liberals, of course, know the author. Because we are better.

There. I said it.

SudsMcKenzie January 5, 2011 at 4:24 am

This is how I always picture Ken; http://io9.com/5168980/woody-harrelson-warns-you-….

hagajim January 4, 2011 at 5:30 pm

I can't believe none of the dipshits said "An American Life" these morons all love Ronnie Raygun sooooo much…but they don't name his autobio? Fucking morons….the end.

ChessieNefercat January 5, 2011 at 9:50 am

They buy the books, they display the books, they proudly put them in bookshelves upside down arranged by color and/or height, but read them? Sounds like something elitists do to show off.

Buckminster January 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm

How about that woman with the bar fixation? How long before she's caught in some drunken scandal in D.C.? I'm amazed any of these toads can read!

Rotundo_ January 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Neil the Blaze said it best in yesterday's thread about Michael Steele:
We can be assured of one thing – whoever emerges will not be anywhere near as fun and entertaining as Michael Steele. It will be interesting for about seven minutes to see which incompetent child buggering sociopath gets the job.
I haven't heard a better summation of the proceedings yet, books and gun questions nothwithstanding.

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Agreed, but the "favorite bar lady" might make for some fun headlines, though.

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Instead of a dumb, comically inept and gaffe-prone RNC chair, we could have a dumb, comically inept, gaffe-prone and perpetually drunk RNC chair; imagine the possibilities.

hagajim January 4, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Tucker Carlson is actually silent for a moment, and deep within the dead pools of his eyes you can almost see a flicker of the intelligent writer he strangled

When he is silent Tucket is thinking this – "why the fuck don't I run for this job? I am unemployed and a helluva lot smarter than the collection of assclowns on this stage." Sad part – it's true. Tucker is smarter than assclowns.

Trinket January 4, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Tucker is smarter than assclowns.

Now, THAT is a slogan.

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:38 am

Tucker is smarter than assclowns. But morally weak. And I really mean that.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:34 pm

If they pay me money, I'll do an ad for Miralax. Seriously.

GodShammgod January 4, 2011 at 5:41 pm

The only time Republicans have any use for books is when they're cooking them.

DustBowlBlues January 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Hard to see how that could be possible, isn't it? Maybe she's androgynous?

OneYieldRegular January 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

This is sort of how I imagine speed-dating.

donner_froh January 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

War and Peace?

"War and Peace " wasn't even Tolstoy's favorite book.

Progressiveinga January 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

C'mon sheeple! 'Erbody knows that books have a librul bias.

mrblifil January 4, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Confederacy of Dunces should have been a no-brainer.

rocktonsam January 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

apparently the memo to quote only $arah's book was to late.

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 4, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Look again, Manhattan. Ken doesn't say they're fucking morons. He says they are morons.

It's America they're fucking.

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I heard The Reagan Diaries, George Bush's new book (oh, God…seriously?), To Kill a Mockingbird (read in high school, I'm sure), and War and Peace….what was the other book?

Whatever he said, I'm pretty sure it wasn't "A People's History of the United States" or "Profiles in Courage."

And this is what the Republican Party is reduced to? I'm actually surprised no one could come up with obvious panders like "Wealth of Nations" or "Conscience of a Conservative," which are still way better answers than anything they said except for the Harper Lee classic.

bravo_sierra January 4, 2011 at 7:41 pm

I think he said The Law, which would make sense and is sadly the most impressive and original answer of the lot. http://www.amazon.com/Law-Frederic-Bastiat/dp/193

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Wait…"impressive and original"?

Nah, couldn't be.

FlyOverGirl January 4, 2011 at 9:06 pm

They missed the obv. — Gone With The Wind. A story about rebelling against the evil, over powering govt.

MiniMencken January 5, 2011 at 1:32 am

I would have been amused to hear someone declare Musil's Der Mann ohne Eigenschaften as a favorite. At least the title would have been appropriate. I would have thought the most obvious pander would be "The Fountainhead" or "Atlas Shrugged."

ttommyunger January 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Pssst, Barack; these people are not readers.

WordSaladNation January 4, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Actually, the woman who said To Kill a Mockingbird is the only one I don't want to punch in the vagina.

SorosBot January 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

That is the big shocker, that one of them could actually name a good book, without going on to prove that she didn't know what she was talking about like Steele. And one that's against Southern racism to boot.

She's got no chance in hell, does she?

hooray4anything January 4, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Yeah, but that whole message of not scapegoating minorities seems to have been completely missed by the person who said it.

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:40 am

I think she was just taken by idea of having her chiffarobe busted up.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 4:34 am

My take on it is that she simply remembered a book she read in high school and said that one.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Oh, and for some in that room, a punch in the vagina isn't a punishment, it's a bonus pleasure point.

Wilcoxyz January 4, 2011 at 6:25 pm

That's the worst episode of Family Feud ever.

Come here a minute January 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Marilyn Monroe's left.

Oh, B O O K S

problemwithcaring January 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm

I was gonna go with "Any book juxtaposed with the tightly bound and creamy, ass-like cleavage of Meg McCain's tit-tays" but your boob joke was waaaay better.

jodyleek January 4, 2011 at 9:31 pm

They come in twos,
It's hard to choose…

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2011 at 10:43 pm

There are some boobs on that panel, but none I'd consider my favorite.

Zvi_Bleindmeis January 4, 2011 at 6:30 pm

"Everyone Poops"

PalinPussyPower January 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm

I say we raid their homes and confiscate their reading materials. Y'all know what's gonna turn up. The Bible. The Book of Mormon. The Anarchist Cookbook. A Very Special Penthouse Letters Compilation: The Man-on-Man Edition, Volume 4.

Come here a minute January 4, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Catch-22

"Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

I'm the cow on the tracks, baby.

frostbitefalls January 5, 2011 at 2:51 am

…every Republican is stupid in his own way.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 4:36 am

Like a retarded snowflake.

DoktorZoom January 5, 2011 at 9:23 am

Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

MistaEko January 4, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Did you know: The lights in that conference room are powered by a turbine housing William Buckley's spinning corpse?

Pop_Socket January 4, 2011 at 10:20 pm

William Buckley's very erudite corpse unlike this Know Nothing heirs to the conservative movement.

BklynIlluminati January 4, 2011 at 6:52 pm

How is Palin not all up in this?? This job is right up her alley. She can out tard Steele anyday of the week without any of the backlash because the base adores her. Erick son of Erick doubles down on her all the damn time. This gives her a constant platform to spew stupid and doesn't interfere with her other grifter schemes.

BarackMyWorld January 4, 2011 at 10:44 pm

She'd have to give up her sweet, sweet TV contract cash. Right now she gets paid big truckloads of green to sound like a moron. As RNC Chair? Not so much.

DashboardBuddha January 4, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Nation of Swine

Rasvar January 4, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Wow. I am as speechless as they are as motivated to open a piece of printed literature. That was as if it was straight out of a Douglas Adams book. Something none of them have ever seen.

PuckStopsHere January 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Stoopid people deserve some representation, too!

HempDogbane January 4, 2011 at 7:13 pm

Once you go moron you never go back?

ifthethunderdontgetya January 4, 2011 at 7:27 pm

David Brooks will find a way to polish the winning turd, count on it.

It's what he does…it's ALL he does!
~

ifthethunderdontgetya January 4, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Which makes Brooks the Turdinator, of course.
~

__kth__ January 4, 2011 at 7:40 pm

well they couldn't actually cop to reading Naked Lunch or Our Lady Of the Flowers, now, could they?

haha, just kidding. There's a whole jaycee wingnut canon: Capitalism and Freedom, Road to Serfdom, etc., but none of these apostles of liberty has probably gotten around to even them.

zhubajie January 6, 2011 at 3:08 am

John Wayne Gacy's memoirs? He was a JC; founded a branch in Joliet, while waiting to ride the needle.

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I hope Steele has embezzled large sums of money, to compensate for all sh*t he's undoubtedly taken, then retires to some place tropical without extradition. Paraguay, perhaps.

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Because the main topic in the Bible is "STOP CHEATING POOR PEOPLE!!!"

slithytoves January 4, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Am I the only one feeling relieved that Republicans are as illiterate, stupefyingly self-serving, and small-brained as I always thought they were?

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:30 pm

No, were they as clever as they think they are, they would be even more dangerous.
That said, the most dangerous ones don't run for such offices, but preach in front of mega-churches.

Bluestatelibel January 4, 2011 at 9:29 pm

You could probably say the same about your average velociraptor, except I think they were much higher in the morals and ethics department.

starfanglednut January 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination?

xsluggo January 4, 2011 at 8:08 pm

None of them mentioned the color chart at the Home Depot paint department. Cowards.

Btw, is Tucker looking through a Norden bombsight? “Twenty minutes to the ball bearing factory, captain.”

mourningnmerica January 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm

It's a good thing they passed the "Gays in the Media" law, so Tucker Carlson can finally be himself.

Redhead January 4, 2011 at 8:46 pm

"as common and empty as any small-town city councilmembers wondering aloud if they need to follow federal law"

As someone whose job centers around attending these meetings with a straight face and then writing up recounts of such meetings in ways that both make sense and remove the profanity before being printed in the newspaper: Layne, marry me.

Dashboard_Jesus January 4, 2011 at 9:10 pm

small minds think alike?

valgal2342 January 4, 2011 at 9:55 pm

My Pet Goat

forgracie January 4, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Is this why David Foster Wallace hanged himself?

Question #2: Can you really modify a microwave that way? I'm asking for a friend…

BeWoot January 4, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Black Like Me.

starfanglednut January 5, 2011 at 5:48 pm

i'd give two thumbs up if i could. i haz so much old that i remember that book

glamourdammerung January 4, 2011 at 11:20 pm

I am kind of surprised "more freedom, less uh government" was not used as an answer.

ShaveTheWhales January 4, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Big fist for girl-Boehner.

Rarian Rakista January 5, 2011 at 12:03 am

It is hard to believe that when they open their mouths that shredded pieces of the Constitution, the Bible and Ayn Rand novels don't shoot out like a Rip Taylor bit.

littlebigdaddy January 5, 2011 at 12:36 am

My favorite Dickens quotation that MC Steele would not know: It was the Beast of Thames, it was the Wurst of Thames, referring to the Thames Sea Monster that was made into sausage to feed the masses. I fear that the Repubs would forbid even that degree of largesse if, say, all the fish in the Potomac died (like in Arkansas) and the Poors wanted to eat them regardless.

MiniMencken January 5, 2011 at 1:17 am

Well, I for one, at least, learned how to pronounce Reince Priebus's name by watching that CSPAN episode.

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:44 am

Don't share. I like the ambiguity.

The Fiddler January 5, 2011 at 1:28 am

Sweet Lord! Are we serious? These are real people? interviewing for a real job? that doesn't involve burgers and fries?

You know, for a minute there I was totally with "favorite bar" lady. With this crowd, my mind would be wandering like crazy too. I get that. But then she completely ruined the moment by mentioning Dipshit's "book."

Favorite Bork: Robert
Favorite Bonk: Palin
Favorite Crook: Nixon
Favorite Took: Peregrin
Favorite Hook: Captain
Favorite Schnook: Norquist
Favorite Wook: Chewy
Favorite Nook: Breakfast
Favorite Cook: Yan
Favorite Gook: Ho Chi Minh
Favorite Rook: White
Favorite Look: Cross-eyed

ShaveTheWhales January 5, 2011 at 1:54 am

Favorite Fook: Mi or Yu
Favorite Kook: Edd Byrnes
Favorite Oook: The Librarian
Favorite Barf: <none>
Favorite Boer: Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner
Favorite Bore: The possibilities are endless
Favorite Bear: Yogi
Favorite Bart: Simpson

zhubajie January 6, 2011 at 3:10 am

They are applying for this job because they are fit for nothing else. Did you ever hear of the RNC chairman before Steele? Not often, I'll bet.

AddHomonym January 5, 2011 at 1:34 am

A kitchen table, a bottle of Captain Morgan's, a pack of Luckies and a call list of major donors is all she needs. Seems like the right choice to me.

zhubajie January 6, 2011 at 3:11 am

If she goes for Capt. Morgan's, she has good taste in one thing.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 2:21 am

Don't these fools know that the safe-word/answer in a debate is "Jesus"?

What's your favorite book: Jesus/All of them, Katie?
Recite the 2nd Amendment: Jesus
Should we double down in Afghanistan: Jesus

You get the picture.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 2:37 am

I too love how you can see the gears starting to turn in Tucker Carlson's head. It's kind of a horrible realization of "how did I end up at this party?" look. For one second, he is horrified with himself, but then quickly remembers where his checks have been coming from, and falls comfortably back into douchebaggery.

I also like how the crowd is clearly laughing directly at Steele, and he still doesn't get it. Ignorance is truly a blissful hell.

bflrtsplk January 5, 2011 at 5:03 am

That should be spelled morom, so it's the same backwards and forwards. They are Republicans, after all.

SwanSwanH January 5, 2011 at 7:45 am

You mean: "Jesus Christ. Because he saved my life."

Mindblank January 5, 2011 at 8:52 am

All happy National Committees resemble one another, each unhappy National Committee is unhappy in its own way.

gurukalehuru January 5, 2011 at 9:29 am

One lady did say "To Kill a Mockingbird." She will not be the next chairperson of the Republican Party.

Ohmyhat January 5, 2011 at 9:53 am

Harrowing. Truly. I am harrowed. It's only 9:38 and I want to go drink until it's gone.

In my favorite BOOK.

nonbeliever7 January 5, 2011 at 10:35 am

Ya know, that woman who answered To Kill a Mockingbird might be an interesting Republican. Makes me curious. I think I'll google her ….hmmmm …wait ….wow …. Look at that; Youporn has some new videos…nevermind.

finallyhappy January 5, 2011 at 10:53 am

They are like a crappy lawyer I once dated. I mentioned a book I was reading and asked what he was reading. He told me he didn't need to read- he learned everything he needed to know in law school.

Mindblank January 5, 2011 at 11:28 am

That makes law school pretty much like kindergarten, then.

Trinket January 7, 2011 at 1:15 am

And lawyers pretty much like kindergarteners.

L188188 January 5, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I think the Democrats are going to do OK in 2012.

Trinket January 7, 2011 at 1:15 am

From your lips to God's ears.

ttommyunger January 5, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Retarded assclowns.

ttommyunger January 5, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I can't really blame the panelists for being a bit slow on the uptake. It was slowly sinking in to them: they had just lost what little remaining personal dignity they possessed by appearing on a panel actually hosted by none other than Tucker "Pussyfart" Carlson.

Chet Kincaid January 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I would have paid Favorite Bar Lady to blurt out "Jay-Z Decoded" after being corrected.

Actually started reading that yesterday and it is surprisingly good, even though I am a crotchety/bourgeois Negro who derides most Hip-hop.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Oh, but they are. In fact, some of them might even be on ecstasy.

ttommyunger January 5, 2011 at 9:42 pm

That would explain a lot.

Negropolis January 5, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I hear they all love Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, but only because of the ridiculous amount of times it uses the slur "nigger". They still snicker every time they read it.

zhubajie January 6, 2011 at 1:41 am

Maybe ignorance and illiteracy are requirements for the job?

lumpenprole January 4, 2011 at 6:29 pm

He's always using that "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" line from Casablanca.

zhubajie January 4, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Both the Reps and the Dems have under-gone thorough make-overs. I have early childhood memories of Ike and still respect him, although I probably wouldn't vote for him. He had a life outside of politics, which is rare in leaders today.

Basically, Dem jim-crow idiots and religious fanatics have jumped ship and turned Rep. That was Bill Clinton's biggest sin, when he was impeached.

BeWoot January 4, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Not a bad record for anybody, any party. Except for his Veep.

cheaphits January 5, 2011 at 7:48 am

Well said, it's a shame that Republicans turned their backs on people like Ike, Ev Dirksen and Rocky and followed Nixon to Reagan and the nitwits they have now.

trampndirtdown January 5, 2011 at 9:13 am

Favorite painting Starry Night by Rembrandt.

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