idiots

Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books


Which pea-brained clown will become the new chairperson of the Republican National Committee? Whether it’s the dingbat woman dreaming of getting wasted at her kitchen table again or the lunkhead who just keeps barking “Reagan! Reagan!” when asked if he has ever read a book, all five of these mouth-breathing imbeciles are perfect representatives of America’s Political Elite, circa 2011.

They are absolute idiots, as common and empty as any small-town city councilmembers wondering aloud if they need to follow federal law — inept yokels as smugly vapid as Sarah Palin herself, yet with none of her trailer-park basic-cable charms. If the hotel shuttle carrying these morons ran off the Key Bridge tonight, America would gain a collective IQ point.

Extra remedial points for world champion fool Michael Steele, who blurts out War and Peace as his alleged favorite book, after repeated prompting, and then immediately begins jabbering the famous-even-to-non-readers opening of Tale of Two Cities. Gah. At the end of this embarrassment, reduced-to-CSPAN host Tucker Carlson is actually silent for a moment, and deep within the dead pools of his eyes you can almost see a flicker of the intelligent writer he strangled so he could be a cable news asshole for a few years, before being fired by both CNN and MSNBC. [The Stranger/CSPAN/Buzzfeed via Wonkette operative “Katie D.”]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SexySmurf

    I'm surprised no one said "all of them!"

    • genxr

      Saving that one for the Presidential primaries, no doubt.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      fucking Repig morons, they KNOW $carah don't read BOOKS so none of 'em wants to look too 'book smart' in front of their retard supporters, in case it makes the $nowbilly look bad…and I'm guessin' the one idiot says 'Reagan Diaries' cuz it's got lots a pitchers and even some coloring book pages for the illiterate assholes! (and WTF is up with the bitch who keeps going to the bars? I bet she was hammered with the Steele when they blew their little Repiggy wads at the lesbian bondage club, fo bibble!)

  • Sophist FCD

    "Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books"

    Also unfamiliar: Ethics, History, Math, and How To Not Come Off Like A Smirking Sociopath.

    • V572625694

      "Ice Cream Found to be Yummy"
      "Study Characterizes Puppies as 'Cute'"

    • Callyson

      Adds: Constitutional Law, Economics, anything remotely related to science…

  • genxr

    I would have guessed "Arguing with Idiots"

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh please. The only way that Michael Steele knows about War and Peace (or A Tale of Two Cities) is that he had to pass the Classics section at Borders on the way to pick up his autographed copy of Mike Huckabee Just Can't WAIT for Christmas.

    • SexySmurf

      War and Peace is totally street. Steele being reading Tolstoy all over ya ass, beotch.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Shoulda said "Pimp!" by Iceberg Slim…or "Soul on Ice" or "Diary of Malcolm X."

        • elviouslyqueer

          DAMMIT. I forgot about Iceberg Slim. Although Steele is probably a Zane aficionado. Or better yet, E. Lynn Harris.

        • problemwithcaring

          "Autobiography of Malcolm X" and "Diary of a Mad Black Woman."

          • Tundra Grifter

            Thank you for the correction! I X'd up!

        • zhubajie

          Why don't we get Iceberg Slim for president? Like Cicciolina in the Italian Parliament?

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        reminds me of favorite interview, classic Jon Stewart with Michael Steele muppet…"that's how we do it on the street lunchmeat, when da fight cums up we bibble down…can I get a high fibble? woop, woop woop!!!" http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2010/12/jon-stewart-in

    • zhubajie

      Do Classics Illustrated Comics still exist?

  • CapeClod

    So nobody picked Mitten's favorite book, "Battlefield Earth?"

    • Terry

      Romney's favorite book was written by a guy who said an angel brought him a golden breastplate with which he could read some tablets.

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        I LOVE that shit, tho Battlestar Galactica has better FX, especially when the 'freedom fighters' suicide bomb the alien invaders…warms my heart!

  • nounverb911

    I thought the only books the republicans were allowed to read were the Bible (In Aramaic) and "My Pet Goat".

    • mavenmaven

      They don't love the book in Aramaic, they love the movie in Aramaic…

    • OneDollarJuana

      I though it was "ʇɐo⅁ ʇǝԀ ʎW".

      • jus_wonderin

        How'd you do that Willis??

        • DustBowlBlues

          Yeah. How did you do that, you show off, you?

          • Dashboard_Jesus

            have to admit I'm impressed too…also :)

    • zhubajie

      The Aramaic portions of the Bible are some letters to and from the Great King, basically ordering his officials to do something honest and upright.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Aramaic? Are you one of those "Hey, Jesus spoke Aramaic" people? Because everyone knows that the Bible was written in English by King James around oh, 1611 AD (which means About Deity, not "Anno Domini" like those damn Catholics would have you think with all their fancy "ooh, Latin is cool" shit they like to talk, therefore everyone in the Bible had to speak English or otherwise how would King James know what they said, now you can see this right, I mean, geez, think this through for a minute and I'll bet you won't fall for that commie liberal crap again about Bible people talking like foreigners.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      "My Pet Aramaic Goat"? very tasty btw

  • Radiotherapy

    Anything by Cormac McCarthy.

    • Ducksworthy

      The Orchard Keeper

    • MistaEko

      "What's the most you ever lost in an election?"

    • Progressiveinga

      I went camping in the Cohutta Nat'l Wilderness Area in Tennessee just after I read Child of God and I slept with a .357 in my hand the whole time just waiting for the violence that was definitely coming like in that book right there. CMcC is the shit.

      • http://michaelfountain.blogspot.com/ Angry_Marmot

        I dunno, McCarthy's revelation that "Violence is American as Apple Pie" might rank up there with "Ice Cream Yummy", "Puppies are 'Cute'" and "These Guys are Dip-Shits".

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I didn’t watch this debate but has anyone counted the number of Reagan references yet?

    • V572625694

      Dead heat of pandering:

      Reagan Diaries: 1
      Dubya book* the speaker couldn't remember the name of: 1
      ______________
      *Decision Points, fer chrissakes

    • Mahousu

      No one can.

      • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

        Not even W.

    • Sophist FCD

      "I didn’t watch this debate but has anyone counted the number of Reagan references yet?"

      How many angels can cut taxes on the head of a pin? It's just one of those unanswerable questions.

      • DustBowlBlues

        "How many angels can cut taxes on the head of a pin?"

        Excellent. And the subject of the private debate betweenTucker and that absolute, horrid, awful, terrible, greedy, nutjob, fuckhead, Grover Norquist. Shit, did that guy get elected to something? I've forgotten. Fuck, I hate him and that goddam Steve Moore (is that his name?) and anyone else associated with Club for (Millionaire's) Growth. They gave us that fucking Spooky Doktor Tom, instead of the relatively harmless Republican hack who was running against him.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        All of them, of course.

  • doxastic

    Honestly, if voter's guides incorporated "favorite book" as a question for candidates, I'd probably make WAY better political decisions.

    • SorosBot

      It certainly helps on dating sites; for example, one basic rule of thumb is to stay away from anyone who mentions The Fountainhead or Atlas Shrugged, no matter how pretty.

  • metamarcisf

    A really incisive question for this debate would have been: "If you could have dinner with any person in history, living or dead, who would it be?" Just imagine the incredible variety of responses this gem would've elicted.

    • SorosBot

      All answers would be either Jesus or Reagan.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Or "my kitchen table."

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        Like there is a difference.

      • Neilist

        There's a difference?

        Photos, or GTFO.

      • Dashboard_Jesus

        hell I've had lunch with Ronnie, bastard couldn't even remember my name

        • ShaveTheWhales

          What the fuck you want? He couldn't remember his own name.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Reagan. Reagan. No, I picked Reagan. Nuh-uh, I picked Reagan first in my head. Reagan.

    • Negropolis

      I'm sure Hitler would pop up.

  • OzoneTom

    Do Cliffs Notes count? How about the Classics Illustrated comics?

  • genxr

    Wrong. The correct answer is "Tax Cuts"

    • PuckStopsHere

      It used to be 9-11. When did they change?

      • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

        Right after they voted down health benefits for first responders.

  • chascates

    No one 'went Galt'?

    • Ruhe

      You are right. In the midst of this inanity the fact that no one mentioned Rand is just odd. But doesn't this whole exercise make it clear that the White Men who actually run the GOP could give a damn who the NCC is?

      • DustBowlBlues

        Many, many inpotent Young Republican fanboys' heads exploded when there was no mention of Rand.

        • chascates

          One of my favorite quotes:
          The Lord of the Rings, and Atlas Shrugged, are two books you can give a 15-year-old kid that’ll change his life forever. One will draw him into a fantasy world where people who are losers in real life can become heroic captains engaged in a timeless, righteous struggle against evil. The other is about orcs.

  • fuflans

    michael steele says his favorite book is an epic work of russian literature about russian aristocrats and the impact of the napoleanic invasion on their lives. then he confuses it with an epic work by an english socialist about french aristocrats and the impact of the french revolution on their lives?

    i guess that's about right.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      and it's fuflans fer da WIN!

  • mavenmaven

    The Constitution! The Constitution!

  • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

    Books are for elitist pussies who want to "know things" and act superior. Jesus didn't need no book-learnin' to kick Satan's ass in the Book of Revelation, which is coming true this year, I read it on the Wonkette. (Actually, some version of it may really happen, thanks to "leaders" like this).

  • SorosBot

    Steele's also a big fan of the theater, his favorite is Shakespeare's "Death of a Salesman".

    • CapeClod

      He also owns a vinyl copy of the Rolling Stones' "White Album"

      • SayItWithWookies

        "I started a joke that had the whole world crying."

        • OneDollarJuana

          Otto Preminger's "Citizen Kane" is his favorite film.

          • SorosBot

            Though he also likes to geek out and watch Peter Jackson's Star Wars trilogy.

          • lumpenprole

            He's always using that "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" line from Casablanca.

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Favorite painting Starry Night by Rembrandt.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Thanks for my laugh out loud moment of the day.

    • indecencycmdr

      "Memphis" by David Mamet?

      • PuckStopsHere

        Glengarry Glen Beck.

    • Wadisay

      What about that thing by Ayn Rand, Three Coins in a Fountain or Brideshead Revisited, or whatever?

    • indecencycmdr

      "Spiderman: Turn off the Dark" by Edward Albee?

    • PresBeeblebrox

      Spider Man: Turn off the Dark would be more appropriate for this gang. Every night the show demands an offering of fresh blood.

    • Negropolis

      I'm quite partial to "War of the Worlds" by Orson Scott Card and George Orewell, myself, and "Nighteen Eighty-Four" by H.G. Wells.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And his kids just love Walt Disney's Triumph of the Will.

  • angryclownspawn

    Clearly that woman has spent WAAAY too much time at the bar and is just counting down until she can get there again. Who can blame her if she possibly attempted to read W's ghostwritten pack of lies.

    • chicken_thief

      Boehner's sister threw her hat in the ring?! Between the two of them I can't wait to the torrential downpour of tears if she wins.

    • zhubajie

      Who knows, she might run out of toilet paper.

    • BeWoot

      I listened to it 3 times. I think Grover Norsmeg did actually say "bar." Or maybe, "bark."

  • edgydrifter

    Books–how do they work?

    • OneDollarJuana

      Fuckin' books–how do they work?

      fixed

    • indecencycmdr

      one of those things people "read" on a kindle? like a really long tweet?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Dumb as a Texas school book.

    • metamarcisf

      Reminds me a Dallas punk band I used to follow: The Texas School Book Suppositories

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sarah Palin will doubtless be sending out a pissy tweet complaining that nobody brought up her literary output.

    Also Ken, is "intelligent writer" a euphemism for Tucker Carlson's dessicated penis?

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      I don't know that Tucker ever *had* a penis, despite his very public worrying that a homosexual might want to fondle it, but about 10 years ago Tucker Carlson was the best new long-form-journalism political writer around. Granted, there wasn't much competition, but he wrote some very good, revealing stuff.

      Nobody ever caught the preening amorality of George W. Bush better than Tucker in Tina Brown's old TALK magazine.

      • V572625694

        Sheee-it, that cain't be true. Hunter Thompson didn't die until 2005. Carlson is clever and funny; it's just hard to believe he ever wasn't a hack and a whore. Teevee doth make hacks of us all.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Speaking of penises, if things get rockin' will Saul Li'l Dick Anuzis end up holding the delegates robes if this ends up to be the stoning of Stephen? That is Steele's middle name, btw.

        • PresBeeblebrox

          Hunter Thompon: dead after brilliant 50 year career of novels, political writing, satire, and social criticism
          Sarah Palin and spawn: alive, doing shitty reality shows and dancing contests, bought desert prison/house, endless political and media pontifications

          There is no god.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    so these were the 3rd Graders who couldn't earn their personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut? I always assumed those kids ended up working at Pizza Hut.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Who else would fill the ranks of the Young Republicans?

  • Trinket

    If Michael Steele loses, comedy will die.

    • MaxUdargo

      I don't know, the Drunk Kitchen Lady might take comedy in an exciting new direction. Did you know there's a bar named "War and Peace?" She did.

      "War and Peace. What? Oh, my favorite FOUNDING FATHER? I thought you asked what my favorite BAR was! Tee-hee-hee!"

      "Don's John. What? Oh, my favorite TV SERIES? I thought you asked what my favorite BAR was! Tee-hee-hee!"

      "King's Tavern. What? Oh, PAPER OR PLASTIC? I thought you asked what my favorite BAR was! Tee-hee-hee!"

    • real_dc_native

      Yeah Ken, how will you make up for that 20% loss of content? I don't think we'll elect him to anything here in Maryland ever again.

      • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

        I'm still mourning the loss of Senator Christine O'Donnell.

        • HuddledMass

          I thought I read a rumor she was running for President in 2012? And Alec Baldwin is running for governor?

          Don't be sad Ken — there will always be enough bozos on that bus.

  • metamarcisf

    You think those questions were dumb. Can you imagine what would've happened if one of the questions had been "How many guns do you own?"

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Be several kinds of sick as various GOPers masturbate furiously upon hearing the words: 2nd Amendment, Glock, HK, 9mm, 22, 45, 40, 10mm, Submachinegun, NRA and Charleton Heston

      • Neilist

        Oh, heck. Now I have to clean off my computer screen again.

    • Trinket

      "All of 'em!"

    • GunTotingProgressive

      You know that they actually ASKED this question, don't you? They played the Q&A on NPR this morning. Mikey doesn't own any, another admitted to the sin of not owning any bang-sticks. The new GOP chair is the lady (the one who reads the kitchen table, likely) said that she got a new gun safe for Christmas and that she had about 16.

    • Neilist

      "Fewer than Neilist" probably is the only TRUTHFUL answer.

      Or maybe "Not enough."

    • MissTaken

      Or how many homes?

  • Callyson

    Wow, no books by Coultergeist, O'Really, Hand-it-to-me, or the FOX crowd. The Reeps better watch out or FOX' parent company will stop donating seven figures…

    • DustBowlBlues

      No Sean O'Rushbeck, either.

  • Callyson

    I'm just shocked they didn't all shout "the Bible".

    Seriously, if they flubbed that soft question what will happen if they get a job with actual responsibilities?
    Oh, it's the RNC chair position they are vying for? OK, then, no worries…

    • SorosBot

      Maybe they saw how popular Palin was with the base after flubbing Katie Couric's softball questions and decided to emulate her.

  • prommie

    Book bad, me hit book with rock.

    • V572625694

      Book hard! Book have conceps me not agree wif! Book make me tink!

      • prommie

        I kill evolution book, then there no evolution.

    • GOPCrusher

      Keyboard. Meet green tea.

      • DustBowlBlues

        Hey–I get it. I'm so proud.

  • horsedreamer_1

    It's not like you can say your favourite book/story is that one Annie Proulx piece. Not at the RNC candidates forum.

    • Progressiveinga

      They didn't read Brokeback Mountain, they just live it.

    • DustBowlBlues

      This thread is just giving the English majors a chance to show off. Actually, I'm surprised no one said Lonesome Dove. I've read it twice, but didn't fixate on "they had to hang Jake. " Which is proof I am not a Republican. Ah, the election of 2010. So many memories. Horrible, horrible memories.

      • Progressiveinga

        And "A Good Scent from A Strange Mountain" is one of the best titles ever. And a good read. Also, too. '93 PP for fiction.

        Frustrated almost-English major here.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Lonesome Dove and all its spinoffs and prequels and tee-vee adaptations is sentimental Chick Lit for middle-aged, very-un-urban propane salesmen. No wonder McMurtry adapted Brokeback.

        (Aw, who am I kiddin', I read all the books but the last one, and liked 'em, for the same sick reason that I read James Ellroy.)

    • slithytoves

      If you insist on spelling favorite as favourite, I shall cast you as Canadian and determine you are simply love-sicke.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Is it just me, or is there absolutely no energy whatsoever in that room? WoW!

    • V572625694

      Ambassador-to-Wingtardia Dave Weigel reported that only 8 actual RNC members were present at this, uh…forum.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I now know that the GOPers will survive the Zombiepocalypse because they have no brains worth eating.

    • SaintRond

      I'll eat them.

    • slithytoves

      Too bad quality didn't trump quantity in that regard, or any.

  • i_AM_ready

    I love how they all went silent and nobody seemed embarrassed that none of them could think of a passable answer. Clinton or Obama could go on for an hour about the favorite books they've read in the past month, but it was so painfully obvious that these clowns all stopped reading books the day they flunked out of high school. And because they were all in the same boat, nobody was able to score a point against the others.

    • DustBowlBlues

      These are Republicans. Not reading anything is a badge of honor.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      I'm shocked and amazed, Surely they read the following gems to sustain their knowledge and intellect. Foreign policy:- "Where the wild things are". Religous studies:- "The protocols of the elders of Zion". Science policy:- "Book of Genesis". Environmental issues:- AAA road map. Geography:-ditto. History:- "Grimm's fairy tales".
      Favourite Bark???? wtflyingf? Seriously, if you heard that question, wouldn't anyone with an IQ greater than a two-toed sloth think "Did I just hear right?" rather than giving it serious consideration, and then answering it with the response, "My table." For fucks sake, you have a table made of tree bark? Are you a total fuckwit, or are there parts missing?

    • zhubajie

      No Ayn Rand? No _Think and Grow Rich_?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Can any of these dolts quote Eisenhower?

    Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Haha. According to the history books they "read" ie believe, Eisenhower was a kinda pacifist commie who never served a day in uniform.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        I suppose, even though Ike did live in the "best of times, and the worst of times." But wait, that quote wuzn't in Warren Peas, so it don't count. Forget about that Kansas Rethug President, clearly the GOP freshman class sure has.

        • DustBowlBlues

          Why didn't he act on any of that shit he said when he was president?*

          *Judith Miller truth cricket on my shoulder compels me to confess that I was raised by Stevenson Democrats.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

            My truth cricket compels me to confess I wuz raised by Eisenhowerites, but my dad made the mistake of raising kids to think for themselves.

            I wasn't voting back then, being just was 4 & 8 for the two elections, but knowing what I do now I would have voted for Stevenson. That said, Ike did do a few things along the way, and although we have Bachmann and King and other crazies, Eisenhower had to deal with some crazies in his party like Joe McCarty (no friend of Ike's). For example, the day after Brown v the Board decision he directed the DC schools to become a national model of school integration. When Arkansas gov Orval Faubus said screw you to the Supremes on integrating Little Rock High, Ike put the Arkansas National Guard under Federal control and said no Orval, screw you (at bayonet point). He also appointed Earl Warren to be the Supremo Supreme. And we lefties can look back with fond memories on more that a few rulings of the Warren Court. And in his swan song presidential speech he warned Kennedy to watch out for the "Military Industrial Complex." Not an entirely bad record for a ReThug.

          • zhubajie

            Both the Reps and the Dems have under-gone thorough make-overs. I have early childhood memories of Ike and still respect him, although I probably wouldn't vote for him. He had a life outside of politics, which is rare in leaders today.

            Basically, Dem jim-crow idiots and religious fanatics have jumped ship and turned Rep. That was Bill Clinton's biggest sin, when he was impeached.

          • BeWoot

            Not a bad record for anybody, any party. Except for his Veep.

          • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews/ cheaphits

            Well said, it's a shame that Republicans turned their backs on people like Ike, Ev Dirksen and Rocky and followed Nixon to Reagan and the nitwits they have now.

    • GOPCrusher

      Who?

    • real_dc_native

      Or this one that seems appropriate: "Don't join the book burners. Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book…."

    • Schmannnity

      Ike lost Eastern Europe to the Reds!

    • PresBeeblebrox

      IKE WAS A SOSHIALIST KENYAN GETTYSBURG/KANSAN! WE DEMAND IKE'S LONG FORM BIRD SURTIFIKAT!

      • ChessieNefercat

        That's why the birds is dead!

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's awesome that a) none of the candidates bothered to explain why their choice was their favorite and b) none of the questioners bothered to ask. Lightning round notwithstanding, they dealt with that subject like the grasping poseurs they are. But the My Kitchen Table lady wins it — since Decision Points was her favorite, that means she really likes the five or so books it was plagiarized from. We all know more is better, and someone who buys paintings because they're "sofa-sized" is what the RNC really needs.

    • Extemporanus

      Trying to have a conversation with her would be like trying to read a kitchen table, and I have no interest in doing that.

    • Tundra Grifter

      That was the slowest "lightning round" ever. Not much light offered, either…

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    With these role models is it any wonder why our children is not learning?

  • bumfug

    She's got "bar" on her mind 'cause she just can't wait til they go back to that lesbian bondage place.

  • prommie

    You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I'll second the moran common clay reference. I live among friendly (to white people) but stoooopid people. Anyone watched Winter's Bone? Take out the music that kind of romanticized it and the trees, and you have a third of my county. At least.

      And they'd kick the ass of any Republican who claimed to read books. Except for the ones with diagrams of the latest in meth labs.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Me & Ms. Kincaid watched Winter's Bone a couple of weeks ago. I laughed out loud at the one line about people who poke around asking too many questions ending up "et by hogs."

    • ttommyunger

      Also, "The Sheriff is…Near!"

  • greenloner

    "Republican National Committee candidates unfamiliar with books." That don't surprise me none. I grew up in a small town in northern Indiana. Readers were regarded with suspicion by most of the townspeople. The Bible now, that's one thing. Other books are another matter.

    • V572625694

      Calumet Region? Shouldn't they get some slack for being US Steel's hazmat dump zone for a hundred years or so?

    • PuckStopsHere

      Its "is" another matter. Other books is another matter. Jeez.

    • zhubajie

      Such people don't actually read the Bible; they just keep one around for good luck.

  • obfuscator2

    "whichever ones burn fastest."

    • horsedreamer_1

      Stolen ones?

      • zhubajie

        Anyone remember some years ago, when an American who'd been part of Nixon's invasion of Cambodia returned a book he'd plundered, to King Sihanouk. With an apology, saying his only excuses were his youth and the bad example of his officers. The King has suffered far worse, of course, and gave him full pardon.

    • Neilist

      Oh, bravo!. Bravo, Sir.

      :::Polite Golf Clap:::

      Well played! Well played indeed!

      • PuckStopsHere

        OT, but again with the pee pts. Mr. Neilist is TWICE the commentator I am so he should have, like, 154 pts, not 88. What gives (or, as the kids say, "Whaddup?")

        • Neilist

          But I am hated by you Communist Liberal Pinko SKUM.

          Not without reason, mind you. After all, I work at it.

          And I think you're confused. Given the audience, I'm trying for a NEGATIVE "P Score" — at a minimum, a "zero."

          Hell, I vote against myself every chance I get . . . . .

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          hell I always give him some pee just for showing up and addin' a little color to the landscape…now that I know he WANTS the negative pee will just reverse direction!

      • obfuscator2

        "to kill a mockingbird burnt faster than slaughterhouse 5, but a tree grows in brooklyn burns fastest, unless you find a first edition of the adventures of huckleberry finn, those go up like kindling! it's great, almost like burning ideas!"

  • chicken_thief

    The elitist press and their gotcha! questions. *tsk, tsk* Everyone knows that these candidates learn everything they need to know from listening to Rush.

  • JadedDissonance

    My favorite book is "The Real Life of Sebastian Knight" by Vladimir Nabokov. I know that instantly.

    • jrients

      For me picking a favorite book is like asking me who I love more, my wife or my daughter. Is it Milorad Pavic's Dictionary of the Khazars? Julian Jaynes' The Origins of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind? Carl Sagan's Cosmos? The children's book It's Halloween by Jack Prelutsky? Marvel Two-in-One issue #100? Tennyson's Idylls of the King? The first edition Dungeon Mater's Guide? Christ, I don't even know where to begin cutting that list down.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    "No I'm sorry, the correct answer is, any book where Micheal Vick is executed.'

    • Ruhe

      A story of American redemption derailed by self-indulgent petulance. That sounds like an instant GOP classic.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Liberal Fascism! Liberal Fascism! Sorry, what was the question again?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Fuck?

  • bordo2

    Just for yuks. . .one of them should've said, "The quran."

  • SorosBot

    It's too bad they hadn't actually asked for their favorite bar, since the candidates could probably have answered that.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Or their favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant.

  • MissTaken

    Wait, didn't Steele "write" a book last year? He couldn't even name his own freaking book?!

  • jodyleek

    Do the little pamphlets that come with douches count as books?

    • Rotundo_

      No, but the little pamphlets that come *from* douches do. See Palin, $arah, Bush, George W. and others published by Regnery etc.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Do the little douches that come with pamphlets cook their books?"

    • metamarcisf

      Yes. The ones penned by Judith Miller.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    War and Peace are you fucking kidding me? He's probably got it hollowed out and keeps some peach schnapps inside.

    • DaSandman

      He meant Warf and Peas

    • Schmannnity

      Weed and condoms

      • http://michaelfountain.blogspot.com/ Angry_Marmot

        A Sale of Two Titties

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Whore and Peach

  • tribbzthesquidz

    True Crime. Casually Translated Bibles. Jack Chick. de Sade.
    Also to Tucker: Bowtie of GTFO!

    • zhubajie

      Perhaps only the Conservapedia version?

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Or, they could at least be honest, and say "The Twats of Sarah Palin!"

    • SorosBot

      T

  • OneDollarJuana

    no it isn't

    • undeterredbyreality

      I believe Manhattan may have been being sarcastic.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        no you don't

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          yes you are but what am I, HENGH?

        • undeterredbyreality

          Yes I do.

    • Manhattan123

      Um, is there an emoticon for sarcasm? Usually don't have to use it on Gawker, I guess on Wonkette it's suggested?

      • undeterredbyreality

        Not usually required.

  • WriteyWriterton

    Tim Lehay is angry they didn't name him as their favorite author/policy-visionary. So angry, in fact, that he's moving up the date of the End Times War/Rapture/Ken Burns docu-fest.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    These are actually fair answers. Do you know how hard it is to read at a lesbian bondage club? You try it some time!

    • OneDollarJuana

      Do you think everyone at the lesbian bondage club reads with their lips moving/

    • zhubajie

      You have one of the harlots read to you, as further punishment.

  • BorderJumper!

    Unbelievable. After all, any idiot can answer those gotcha, what-do-you-read-type questions. The answer is always the same:
    "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years"

  • mereoblivion

    Or, as Alfred Lord Kipling wrote in Heart of Dankness:
    "Home is the sailor,
    home to his tree,
    and the grunter,
    home to his grill."
    What was the question, again?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Is that misspelling in the title a conscious or unconscious joke? Either way FTW.

      • mereoblivion

        Conscious, Jukesgrrl, like so few other things I do! Thanks.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          What's my age again?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Beautiful.

  • Neilist

    "Fear and Loathing" is the best book on campaigning ever written.

    Particularly the part about when you're behind in the polls, but you can feel it turning around, and "your starting to feel like a winner."

    Bad craziness.

    P.S. Not enough guns in that one, though.

    • Ducksworthy

      You'll have to forgive the good Doctor for that one but at least he had his ashes fired out of a cannon by Johnny Depp. Hard to beat that for class and gun loving.

    • PresBeeblebrox

      Not Enough Guns, true, but the episode with Peter "Boo-Hoo" Sheridan using HST's press pass to enter the Muskie campaign train in Florida and thence go on a 8 hour acid trip is just as good.

      Or HST's fictional account of what a campaign desparate for the last few uncommitted delegates to commit will do to extort that vote… drugs, blood, blackmail.

      Bad craziness.

  • Extemporanus

    An RNC chairperson candidate walks into a book…

  • randoracer

    Everyone knows that the first line of "War and Peace" is "Call me Ishmael." Or was it: "Mother died today?" I always get my Hemingway books confused.

  • Pragmatist2

    "Stupid is as stupid does."
    Write in Forrest Gump for RNC Chair.
    You can draw a tree if you can't spell the fancy version of forest.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Oh, I'll bet they can spell Forrest correctly, having been raised on the exploits of the great Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest.

      • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

        I had a client explain how he was so misunderstood because wearing white sheets was an old Confederate guerrilla tactic.

        • ChessieNefercat

          To hide themselves on the snow covered battlefields of the south?*

          *Yes, yes, I know it can snow in the south, but a) those aren't the first states that come to mind when you think of the word snow, and friends of mine in the south enjoy making fun of my weather (200+ inches of snow).

  • BarackMyWorld

    Did anyone hear that apparently there's some rule that says the chair and co-chair of the RNC have to be of opposite sexes?

    • FlyOverGirl

      Where does Scalia stand on that?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      So, opposite chairpersonship? Bring on what's-her-tits.

  • SorosBot

    Jane Whett.

  • GOPCrusher

    Who else would want the job?

  • Jukesgrrl

    "If the hotel shuttle carrying these morons ran off the Key Bridge tonight, America would gain a collective IQ point."

    A simple, yet stunning, insight. And the reason I come here every day.

  • SnarkoMarx

    Someone should introduce Michael Steele and the rest of these idiots to the concept that is well documented in A Tale of Two Cities. You know, the part where rich aristocrats and their supporters are guillotined.

  • JackObin

    I hereby nominate well-known Yale illiterate George Bush as Chairman. The lies told by and about this cretin are boundless. But the biggest of all was that he was a voracious reader. The only work he regularly reads is the back of his Cocoa Puffs box.

    • GOPCrusher

      It's a laugh riot, watching his lips move as he tries to read the word Polysorbate-80.

  • GOPCrusher

    No one mentioned David Limbaugh's "Persecution"? Because that would have played right to the Xtian base.

  • OneDollarJuana

    How come no-one mentioned their bank account passbook as their favorite, because clearly, Republicans place that above just about everything else.

  • Cucumber2a

    Books are inventions of Duh Debil!

    • zhubajie

      The Book of Enoch says so!

  • DustBowlBlues

    I can tell Ken's posts without looking at the byline because they sound increasingly like a disbelieving screed from a liberal who's holed up in his bunker in an unknown desert location, a whiskey bottle in hand, the remote in the other and his eyes on the interwebs.

    Disgusted and disbelieving of the gross stupidity in the public arena, he's run out of hyperbole to express his rage. So he makes exquisite, over the top fun of them, as is fitting.

    War and fucking Peace? He was joking, right? Then he sort of meditates on it a moment and quotes Tale of Two Cities because it's the one book every moran on the planet knows the opening of. Except most of us can connect it to the book. And liberals, of course, know the author. Because we are better.

    There. I said it.

  • hagajim

    I can't believe none of the dipshits said "An American Life" these morons all love Ronnie Raygun sooooo much…but they don't name his autobio? Fucking morons….the end.

    • ChessieNefercat

      They buy the books, they display the books, they proudly put them in bookshelves upside down arranged by color and/or height, but read them? Sounds like something elitists do to show off.

  • Buckminster

    How about that woman with the bar fixation? How long before she's caught in some drunken scandal in D.C.? I'm amazed any of these toads can read!

  • Rotundo_

    Neil the Blaze said it best in yesterday's thread about Michael Steele:
    We can be assured of one thing – whoever emerges will not be anywhere near as fun and entertaining as Michael Steele. It will be interesting for about seven minutes to see which incompetent child buggering sociopath gets the job.
    I haven't heard a better summation of the proceedings yet, books and gun questions nothwithstanding.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Agreed, but the "favorite bar lady" might make for some fun headlines, though.

      • SorosBot

        Instead of a dumb, comically inept and gaffe-prone RNC chair, we could have a dumb, comically inept, gaffe-prone and perpetually drunk RNC chair; imagine the possibilities.

  • hagajim

    Tucker Carlson is actually silent for a moment, and deep within the dead pools of his eyes you can almost see a flicker of the intelligent writer he strangled

    When he is silent Tucket is thinking this – "why the fuck don't I run for this job? I am unemployed and a helluva lot smarter than the collection of assclowns on this stage." Sad part – it's true. Tucker is smarter than assclowns.

    • Trinket

      Tucker is smarter than assclowns.

      Now, THAT is a slogan.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Tucker is smarter than assclowns. But morally weak. And I really mean that.

  • DustBowlBlues

    If they pay me money, I'll do an ad for Miralax. Seriously.

  • GodShammgod

    The only time Republicans have any use for books is when they're cooking them.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Hard to see how that could be possible, isn't it? Maybe she's androgynous?

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is sort of how I imagine speed-dating.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    War and Peace?

    "War and Peace " wasn't even Tolstoy's favorite book.

  • Progressiveinga

    C'mon sheeple! 'Erbody knows that books have a librul bias.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Confederacy of Dunces should have been a no-brainer.

  • rocktonsam

    apparently the memo to quote only $arah's book was to late.

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    Look again, Manhattan. Ken doesn't say they're fucking morons. He says they are morons.

    It's America they're fucking.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I heard The Reagan Diaries, George Bush's new book (oh, God…seriously?), To Kill a Mockingbird (read in high school, I'm sure), and War and Peace….what was the other book?

    Whatever he said, I'm pretty sure it wasn't "A People's History of the United States" or "Profiles in Courage."

    And this is what the Republican Party is reduced to? I'm actually surprised no one could come up with obvious panders like "Wealth of Nations" or "Conscience of a Conservative," which are still way better answers than anything they said except for the Harper Lee classic.

    • bravo_sierra

      I think he said The Law, which would make sense and is sadly the most impressive and original answer of the lot. http://www.amazon.com/Law-Frederic-Bastiat/dp/193

      • BarackMyWorld

        Wait…"impressive and original"?

        Nah, couldn't be.

    • FlyOverGirl

      They missed the obv. — Gone With The Wind. A story about rebelling against the evil, over powering govt.

    • MiniMencken

      I would have been amused to hear someone declare Musil's Der Mann ohne Eigenschaften as a favorite. At least the title would have been appropriate. I would have thought the most obvious pander would be "The Fountainhead" or "Atlas Shrugged."

    • ttommyunger

      Pssst, Barack; these people are not readers.

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    Actually, the woman who said To Kill a Mockingbird is the only one I don't want to punch in the vagina.

    • SorosBot

      That is the big shocker, that one of them could actually name a good book, without going on to prove that she didn't know what she was talking about like Steele. And one that's against Southern racism to boot.

      She's got no chance in hell, does she?

    • hooray4anything

      Yeah, but that whole message of not scapegoating minorities seems to have been completely missed by the person who said it.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I think she was just taken by idea of having her chiffarobe busted up.

    • Negropolis

      My take on it is that she simply remembered a book she read in high school and said that one.

    • Negropolis

      Oh, and for some in that room, a punch in the vagina isn't a punishment, it's a bonus pleasure point.

  • Wilcoxyz

    That's the worst episode of Family Feud ever.

  • Come here a minute

    Marilyn Monroe's left.

    Oh, B O O K S

    • problemwithcaring

      I was gonna go with "Any book juxtaposed with the tightly bound and creamy, ass-like cleavage of Meg McCain's tit-tays" but your boob joke was waaaay better.

    • jodyleek

      They come in twos,
      It's hard to choose…

    • BarackMyWorld

      There are some boobs on that panel, but none I'd consider my favorite.

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    "Everyone Poops"

  • PalinPussyPower

    I say we raid their homes and confiscate their reading materials. Y'all know what's gonna turn up. The Bible. The Book of Mormon. The Anarchist Cookbook. A Very Special Penthouse Letters Compilation: The Man-on-Man Edition, Volume 4.

  • Come here a minute

    Catch-22

    "Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

    I'm the cow on the tracks, baby.

    • frostbitefalls

      …every Republican is stupid in his own way.

      • Negropolis

        Like a retarded snowflake.

        • DoktorZoom

          Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?

  • MistaEko

    Did you know: The lights in that conference room are powered by a turbine housing William Buckley's spinning corpse?

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      William Buckley's very erudite corpse unlike this Know Nothing heirs to the conservative movement.

  • BklynIlluminati

    How is Palin not all up in this?? This job is right up her alley. She can out tard Steele anyday of the week without any of the backlash because the base adores her. Erick son of Erick doubles down on her all the damn time. This gives her a constant platform to spew stupid and doesn't interfere with her other grifter schemes.

    • BarackMyWorld

      She'd have to give up her sweet, sweet TV contract cash. Right now she gets paid big truckloads of green to sound like a moron. As RNC Chair? Not so much.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Nation of Swine

  • Rasvar

    Wow. I am as speechless as they are as motivated to open a piece of printed literature. That was as if it was straight out of a Douglas Adams book. Something none of them have ever seen.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Stoopid people deserve some representation, too!

  • HempDogbane

    Once you go moron you never go back?

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    David Brooks will find a way to polish the winning turd, count on it.

    It's what he does…it's ALL he does!
    ~

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Which makes Brooks the Turdinator, of course.
      ~

  • __kth__

    well they couldn't actually cop to reading Naked Lunch or Our Lady Of the Flowers, now, could they?

    haha, just kidding. There's a whole jaycee wingnut canon: Capitalism and Freedom, Road to Serfdom, etc., but none of these apostles of liberty has probably gotten around to even them.

    • zhubajie

      John Wayne Gacy's memoirs? He was a JC; founded a branch in Joliet, while waiting to ride the needle.

  • zhubajie

    I hope Steele has embezzled large sums of money, to compensate for all sh*t he's undoubtedly taken, then retires to some place tropical without extradition. Paraguay, perhaps.

  • zhubajie

    Because the main topic in the Bible is "STOP CHEATING POOR PEOPLE!!!"

  • slithytoves

    Am I the only one feeling relieved that Republicans are as illiterate, stupefyingly self-serving, and small-brained as I always thought they were?

    • zhubajie

      No, were they as clever as they think they are, they would be even more dangerous.
      That said, the most dangerous ones don't run for such offices, but preach in front of mega-churches.

    • Bluestatelibel

      You could probably say the same about your average velociraptor, except I think they were much higher in the morals and ethics department.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    What sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination?

  • xsluggo

    None of them mentioned the color chart at the Home Depot paint department. Cowards.

    Btw, is Tucker looking through a Norden bombsight? “Twenty minutes to the ball bearing factory, captain.”

  • mourningnmerica

    It's a good thing they passed the "Gays in the Media" law, so Tucker Carlson can finally be himself.

  • Redhead

    "as common and empty as any small-town city councilmembers wondering aloud if they need to follow federal law"

    As someone whose job centers around attending these meetings with a straight face and then writing up recounts of such meetings in ways that both make sense and remove the profanity before being printed in the newspaper: Layne, marry me.

  • Dashboard_Jesus

    small minds think alike?

  • valgal2342

    My Pet Goat

  • forgracie

    Is this why David Foster Wallace hanged himself?

    Question #2: Can you really modify a microwave that way? I'm asking for a friend…

  • BeWoot

    Black Like Me.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      i'd give two thumbs up if i could. i haz so much old that i remember that book

  • glamourdammerung

    I am kind of surprised "more freedom, less uh government" was not used as an answer.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    Big fist for girl-Boehner.

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    It is hard to believe that when they open their mouths that shredded pieces of the Constitution, the Bible and Ayn Rand novels don't shoot out like a Rip Taylor bit.

  • littlebigdaddy

    My favorite Dickens quotation that MC Steele would not know: It was the Beast of Thames, it was the Wurst of Thames, referring to the Thames Sea Monster that was made into sausage to feed the masses. I fear that the Repubs would forbid even that degree of largesse if, say, all the fish in the Potomac died (like in Arkansas) and the Poors wanted to eat them regardless.

  • MiniMencken

    Well, I for one, at least, learned how to pronounce Reince Priebus's name by watching that CSPAN episode.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Don't share. I like the ambiguity.

  • The Fiddler

    Sweet Lord! Are we serious? These are real people? interviewing for a real job? that doesn't involve burgers and fries?

    You know, for a minute there I was totally with "favorite bar" lady. With this crowd, my mind would be wandering like crazy too. I get that. But then she completely ruined the moment by mentioning Dipshit's "book."

    Favorite Bork: Robert
    Favorite Bonk: Palin
    Favorite Crook: Nixon
    Favorite Took: Peregrin
    Favorite Hook: Captain
    Favorite Schnook: Norquist
    Favorite Wook: Chewy
    Favorite Nook: Breakfast
    Favorite Cook: Yan
    Favorite Gook: Ho Chi Minh
    Favorite Rook: White
    Favorite Look: Cross-eyed

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Favorite Fook: Mi or Yu
      Favorite Kook: Edd Byrnes
      Favorite Oook: The Librarian
      Favorite Barf: <none>
      Favorite Boer: Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner
      Favorite Bore: The possibilities are endless
      Favorite Bear: Yogi
      Favorite Bart: Simpson

    • zhubajie

      They are applying for this job because they are fit for nothing else. Did you ever hear of the RNC chairman before Steele? Not often, I'll bet.

  • AddHomonym

    A kitchen table, a bottle of Captain Morgan's, a pack of Luckies and a call list of major donors is all she needs. Seems like the right choice to me.

    • zhubajie

      If she goes for Capt. Morgan's, she has good taste in one thing.

  • Negropolis

    Don't these fools know that the safe-word/answer in a debate is "Jesus"?

    What's your favorite book: Jesus/All of them, Katie?
    Recite the 2nd Amendment: Jesus
    Should we double down in Afghanistan: Jesus

    You get the picture.

  • Negropolis

    I too love how you can see the gears starting to turn in Tucker Carlson's head. It's kind of a horrible realization of "how did I end up at this party?" look. For one second, he is horrified with himself, but then quickly remembers where his checks have been coming from, and falls comfortably back into douchebaggery.

    I also like how the crowd is clearly laughing directly at Steele, and he still doesn't get it. Ignorance is truly a blissful hell.

  • bflrtsplk

    That should be spelled morom, so it's the same backwards and forwards. They are Republicans, after all.

  • SwanSwanH

    You mean: "Jesus Christ. Because he saved my life."

  • Mindblank

    All happy National Committees resemble one another, each unhappy National Committee is unhappy in its own way.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    One lady did say "To Kill a Mockingbird." She will not be the next chairperson of the Republican Party.

  • Ohmyhat

    Harrowing. Truly. I am harrowed. It's only 9:38 and I want to go drink until it's gone.

    In my favorite BOOK.

  • nonbeliever7

    Ya know, that woman who answered To Kill a Mockingbird might be an interesting Republican. Makes me curious. I think I'll google her ….hmmmm …wait ….wow …. Look at that; Youporn has some new videos…nevermind.

  • finallyhappy

    They are like a crappy lawyer I once dated. I mentioned a book I was reading and asked what he was reading. He told me he didn't need to read- he learned everything he needed to know in law school.

    • Mindblank

      That makes law school pretty much like kindergarten, then.

      • Trinket

        And lawyers pretty much like kindergarteners.

  • L188188

    I think the Democrats are going to do OK in 2012.

    • Trinket

      From your lips to God's ears.

  • ttommyunger

    Retarded assclowns.

  • ttommyunger

    I can't really blame the panelists for being a bit slow on the uptake. It was slowly sinking in to them: they had just lost what little remaining personal dignity they possessed by appearing on a panel actually hosted by none other than Tucker "Pussyfart" Carlson.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I would have paid Favorite Bar Lady to blurt out "Jay-Z Decoded" after being corrected.

    Actually started reading that yesterday and it is surprisingly good, even though I am a crotchety/bourgeois Negro who derides most Hip-hop.

  • Negropolis

    Oh, but they are. In fact, some of them might even be on ecstasy.

    • ttommyunger

      That would explain a lot.

  • Negropolis

    I hear they all love Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, but only because of the ridiculous amount of times it uses the slur "nigger". They still snicker every time they read it.

  • zhubajie

    Maybe ignorance and illiteracy are requirements for the job?