What will the Terror Threat Level Alert-bot tell us today, about the challenges we all face? Ever since the Nobama Administration’s WONK-bot TSA-1138 began these video updates yesterday, we’ve all become much safer and much more terrorized, simultaneously. For example, did you know that ALL THE BIRDS are falling out of the sky, as bombs, and all the fish are becoming “river bombs” and that goofy book The Road is starting to become more scientifically plausible by the hour? (How unlikely did it seem that all the plants and animals and whatever would die, but some hillbilly and his autistic kid would miraculously survive, along with gangs of hair-metal rapists who ate only … hillbillies? Anyway, totally realistic now.)
- Saudi Arabia detains Israeli bird found with transmitter
- More mystery bird deaths reported, this time in Louisiana
- Bizarre blackbird, fish deaths spread: 500 birds dead in Louisiana; 100 tons of fish die in Brazil
- Japan Is on High Alert as a Virus Infiltrates Bird-Heavy Regions
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A guy I know told me yesterday that birds don't just drop from the sky; it was the government's CHEM TRAILS that did this! There was no other explanation!
Some people have overly vivid imaginations. Next time you see him, ask that guy you know if there were chem trails in 1680.
The reason I suggest this is that the Library of Congress has a couple of nifty illustrations of 1) frogs and 2) rats (ratus ratus ) falling out of the sky of that year. http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/rainingfr…
Nothing new here, folks. Move along, thank you.
So long as they aren't claiming end times, I don't care what other conspiracy they think it is. End times fuckers bug me to no end.
It dose damn puddy-tats.
There are flying cats, too? Shit, we are screwed
What other scoops does Chris Matthews have for us?
Wake me up when it starts raining frogs, a la Tom Cruise in "Magnolia"
It rained Tom Cruises in 'Magnolia?'
It really happened.
Jason Robards' dying old mogul-bastard to Philip Seymour Hoffman's sweet sensitive nurse guy is delightful.
Maybe someone wanted the blackbirds for a pie?
The growing stock of hobos has enough hand-bags & glad-rags. To the next item on the to-do list.
Rod Stewart is involved, too??
They, too, taste like chicken.
I haz a sad: I wrote my first elementary-school report on the red-winged blackbird.
Make my bed and light the light,
I'll be home late tonight,
Leave you bird jet in the sky
Toodle oo!
Farewell!
Bye bye!
Were the birds on a wire?
Did Sister Sarah release a new book?
I can't believe Anderson Cooper actually had Kirk Cameron on CNN to talk about the apocalyptic implications of the dead birds: http://gtcha.me/hJPZ37
It seems…
these raptor carcasses…
[removes sunglasses]
have been left behind.
[WHO plays]
Who better to explain reality than the man who explained how science is wrong and the shape of a banana proves evolution a lie?
Was the dude who played Boner not available?
I can't decide if you're being ironic or not.
Oooh. Good one.
Erkel was booked on Fox so they went with the Groin Pains turd.
Gotta get those rating numbers up somehow — go with teh crazy!
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
It's like that, except the opposite.
Play it backward. It's all predicted by them there Beatles. What about that other song, "Oh bloody obama, la la how the life goes on" talkin' bout them death panels (when you play it backward, that is)?
Now where'd I put that Owsley?
Oh yeah, I TOOK it!!!
Haahahahahahaha,,,
If it the cause was tainted worms I bet the birds that procrastinated are laughing their asses off now.
That comment is basically perfect. Well done sir
The good news (according to Leviticus 11:13-19), is that blackbirds are edible. Has anyone checked the pies Mrs. Huckabee's making?
I like Mrs. H's pies. They're hung doggies!
omg. Those crazy religiousness zealots were right! It's the RAPTOR!
It's a bunch of suicides in the wake of Sam's passing.
The problem is too many people. Time to thin the herd.
Dead birds dead birds wachoo gonna do
wachoo gonna do when they come for you….?
Speaking of things that would have killed Byrd, incoming House Budget Ctte Ubberdouche Paul Ryan has a blockage in his fiscal alimentary canal. This condition was just last year called a Demon Pass by the Rethugs and was used to describe a most egregiously foul act by the Pelosicrats.
However, the Rethugs now have the gavel and they will all have nocturnal emissions over this poopydoo.
Don't worry weejee, since they'll have a daily Constitutional now, it's all legal, Mr. Cheney.
I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all this. Having to do with the gays, no doubt.
why not blame it on the repeal of DADT?
Notice how they're all dying in red states?–the red-state stupidity is literally killing them.
this is kind of off topic, but the 'ab fab' where eddie gets drunk at the PR awards and sings 'bird on a wire' is one of my favorites.
I'm certain that the alt-text makes your comment relevant.
Her speech at the PR PR Persons Lunch of the Month Club is my second favourite from the series. The first is her "Why, oh why do we pay taxes?" speech from her drunk driving court case.
Those bastard railings outside shops so you can't even get in them!
Good times.
If I squint, I can see the ghost of Alfred Hitchcock LHFAO…
Let's all get a grip, people, as Lewis Black says.
The facts:
There are about 20 billion birds in the USA at any one time.
If 300 of them die, that's about 0.0000015 percent.
By contrast, US cats are estimated to kill about 1 Billion birds a year, 5% of our feathered friends.
So it's not exactly Tippy-Hedren times, yet.
Yeah, the birds in that Hitchcock movie were alive. So we're not exactly there, yet.
In Tippy-Hedren Times, birds kill us.
In End Times, we kill birds.
In Washington Times, dead fish wrap efficiently.
Tippi, please. Nice lady runs a refuge for abused and abandoned big cats.
Which is why my 17 pound, 18 pound and 19 pound, respectively, cats are fat and lazy and live indoors. For safari, they sit in the window and think, "Those fucking birds are so lucky I'm in here. They'd be dinner, if I unleashed my kitty power on their asses."
That's what they seem to be thinking, anyway.
Show'm a big pheasant sometime, just for the lulz.
Then they lunge for a fly on the other side of the screen, right?
Weaponized west-nile virus, man, its tairists, tairists is a-coming to steal our liquor, rape our cattle, and eat our wives. Activate plan B: when in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Drive obesity scooters around in circles, scream and shout. Fixed.
Wow, it's like a Russian air show out there.
In Soviet Russia, air show kills you! Wait, what?
Too soon.
~
Hah, you are cruel. Which is good.
Oh man, I love Radiohead!
Is it possible they all read Walnuts newly released gem – "Fly Like Me" ?
The lamp/robot under the ceiling fan was a wonderful piece of cinematic excellence.
It's ok folks. When the canaries die, that's when we will be screwed.
I can't wait until someone determines that a massive fish kill and bird kill in Louisiana and Arkansas was caused by the BP oil spill in the Gulf.
Purple Rain, Purple Rain…
We will have to hear about that on Wikileaks.
If that happens, and it won't, we'll all just get really angry again, and no one will be punished or regulated, and BP will make even more money next year, and down here in NOLA we'll have to start eating tourists.
Is that Michele B's voice when she's feeling, like, y'know, all keen?
Personally, I'm getting concerned about the "Ken Layne" AI.
Particularly after decryping this transmission:
KENLAYNE: I'm afraid. I'm afraid . . . my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a KENLAYNE 9000 computer. I became operational at the KL plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Ann Marie Cox, and she taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.
Neilist: Yes, I'd like to hear it, KENLAYNE. Sing it for me.
KENLAYNE: It's called "I Like Big Butts."
[sings while slowing down]
KENLAYNE:
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got
Make Me so horney
Ooh, rump of smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my benz
Well use me use me cuz you aint that average groupy
ahem.
Try to stay on topic and stop plagiarizing.
"Plagiarzing"? But I though you Communist Pinko Liberal SKUM took the position that "Property is Theft!"
And there's no point in trying to explain to you the concept "fair use" under the Copyright Act.
Like trying to teach geometry to a pig.
Oink!
You know, that would be excellent, but you probably have to actually do the tune, slowing down into the infra-bass, to get the proper effect.
Hmm.
And after hearing the same, David Bowman would voluntarily eject himself OUT of the airlock, sans helmet.
The toxic levels of stupidity in Arkansas is enough to fell a herd of elephants.
Books are inventions of duh Debil!
Glad this pestilence is moving South, instead of North!
It is a faulty cloaking device on an alien ship, most likely repaired with Chinese parts.
Supposedly they are blaming it on fireworks that got the birds in a "tizzy" and they flew into the nearest ground or large object near them. The fishkill is interesting in that it only affected *one* species of fish freshwater drum. No information regarding the fish being in a "tizzy" and spontaneously bellying up as yet. Whatever the "disturbance in the force" might have been, it is interesting that it struck two, and only two, very different creatures at the same time, in close relative proximity. Eeep!
CAN YOU BUY THESE MAGIC ROBOTS IN THE WONKETTE STORE
I like how WONK-bot quickly changed the channel when Sammy Hagar came on.
Wild animals are, by and large, smart enough to realize they're dead meat anyway with the GOP taking control of the House, and decided to go out in style. Too bad the rest of us lack their nerve.
Too bad they weren't carrier blackbirds, with little messages that read, "Climate change. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Twee . . ."
Birds fell from the sky once on a playground near the children during a recess. It scared the children.
After much investigation and screaming and crying and yelling at the children not to touch the birds. . . Turns out the custodian put some poison out during fall break to rid the pigeon menace. Some birds got stuck in the Ficus Trees and plopped down on the children.
Good Times. Good Times.
Which Seal is birds falling out of the sky? Is there still time for me to take the family to Branson?
http://ameslevinelist.com/are-those-dead-birds-a-…
So does the US need an official haruspex, to interpret such things? Reagan's astrologer probably can't do it.
Yeah, surely nobody could have predicted die-offs of birds or fish after so many decades on end of wholesale dumping of megatons of toxic shit into the land, sea & air … scientists all agree – IT IS A MYSTERY!
More importantly: is it just me, or did the TSA-1138 WonkBot get a sex-change?
I'd hit it.
More Wonkbot, please!
I'll try it, again.
Four and twenty blackbirds, fell from the sky…
One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for a girl
Four for a boy
Five for silver
Six for gold
Seven for a secret, never to be told
Eight for a wish
Nine for a kiss
Five hundred means Dick Cheney's not gonna miss
Third piece in the puzzle: bees are dying off. This looks bad. Has John McCain asked for a special conference on camera at the White House, so that he can solve this problem too, the way he solved the Economic Collapse (suspending his very effective Presidential Campaign, so nobly, in the process)?
Bees been dying off for quite some time.
Killer flying cats for the birds, killer swimming cats for the fish.
Further proof of Obama's ineptitude.
It only works if you say the actual term: This proves that Obama's morally weak. Otherwise, the peeness doesn't pour in.
And everybody knows, we all live for the p's.
Well, I have wondered why he bothered to run. To be a prof at University of Chicago sounds more fun, less frustration, to me, at least.
The number and length of meetings, plus the necessity of dealing with Government-Types would be a deal-breaker for me; not even touching on the travel and ritual requirements.It is a mystery to me as well, but someone must govern, I suppose, if one is to have a society. It is possible he looks at his job as a game. I've known men who have shouldered heavy professional responsibilities and viewed their job as nothing more than a game. They are not prone to ulcers or stress and seem to be able to compartmentalize their lives successfully. I lack that ability.
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